


Hello Hurricane {English Translation}

by zaara91



Category: Real Person Fiction, Ski Jumping RPF, Sports RPF
Genre: Boys' Love, Coming Out, Coming of Age, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Gay, Humor, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Romance, Sibling Rivalry, Ski Jumping, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-04
Updated: 2019-02-21
Packaged: 2019-03-27 02:01:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 38
Words: 185,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13870743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zaara91/pseuds/zaara91
Summary: They are young, popular, celebrating one success after another, and the world of ski jumping is at their feet: Domen, who has reached the top of the World Cup at the age of only 17, faster than anybody would have thought, and Daniel after years of hard training finally made his breakthrough there too. Now the Four Hills Tournament is quickly approaching and both are trying to deal with their new role as favorites and the associated pressure. And as if that wasn’t difficult enough, they also have to deal with these strange feelings that plunge their already tumultuous lives even more into chaos. (Daniel-André Tande x Domen Prevc, Four Hills Tournament 2016/17)





	1. Domen - Oberstdorf - Day before qualification

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Hello Hurricane](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11489187) by [zaara91](https://archiveofourown.org/users/zaara91/pseuds/zaara91). 



> Hello dear ones out there! 
> 
> I'm glad that you have lost your way here and give the story a chance. As you may have noticed, this is a translation. I just wanted to give it a try although English isn't my native language. Thanks to the wonderful silverstarswept, who correct my catastrophic translation, I hope you can enjoy reading :) 
> 
> I would be glad about any kind of feedback ( How do you like the beginning? What don't you like? etc.) 
> 
> And of course: This is only fiction. I don't know any of the persons. 
> 
> Okay, and now I stop to babble and let you read :) with a bit of music to listen to or ignore ;) 
> 
> Theory of a deadman - Hate my life  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ug893lq02A

"Hey kid! You should get up! Breakfast starts in ten minutes and Goran doesn’t like it when we're late!” Anže told his roommate to finally get his ass out of bed. The older Slovenian didn’t feel like getting into trouble with his boss because of this baby boy again.That had started happening more often lately. Actually, since his roommate, who obviously had problems with punctuality, had joined the crew. And it was not that early in the morning. Goran had helped them out of bed at far more ungodly hours than nine in the morning.

The older Slovenian looked around their room. Their stuff was scattered everywhere. Suits were hanging from the closet, shoes were scattered wildly on the floor, as were their clothes, and their open bottles of water were still on the table next to their laptops. Anže grabbed his sweater, ran to the windows and pulled up the blinds to let in more light, in the hope that the younger Slovenian would get up. But Domen just snarled and pulled the pillows over his head.

"Get up!", Anže hissed again, this time a little louder, and now stood directly in front of the bed of Domen, while he put on his sweater.

"Get lost! I'm tired!" An unfriendly growl came from under the pillows. Domen hated having to get up so early. He saw no problem there. He could start his training in two hours and he could have breakfast on the way there. Why did his roommate sometimes behave like a governess? Anže should go to breakfast on time if he wanted. After all, the older Slovenian wouldn’t miss him. It wasn’t like Domen had to feed him. And when Anže finally disappeared, he could sleep in peace, Domen thought wistfully. This hotel bed was a dream.

Then Domen felt a pull on his blanket. "Don’t you dare!" he grunted darkly, clinging to his blanket with all his might. It wouldn’t be the first time his roommate simply took his blanket away and forced him to get up.

"Okay! As you wish: come too late! I don’t care. But don’t say I didn’t try,” he heard Anže grumble. Shortly thereafter, the door fell into the lock and finally a pleasant silence fell. Satisfied, Domen snuggled deeper into his pillows. Stupid overdone sack, he thought. Anže could kiss the coach’s ass, if he wanted, but Domen didn’t need that. His achievements speak for themselves and no one would dare to punish him properly. And even if they did: what were they really going to do? Forbid him from jumping? Probably not. The audience liked him. In a very brief time he had gathered a respectable fan base who would rip his trainer to shreds if he dared. And not to mention the association's response. No, that would never happen. And he had never shied away from an extra training session. After all, his success took hard work. With a satisfied smile he turned over again.

"Don’t run like that! There’s still two hours until the press conference! That's enough for breakfast! "

Could they not go past his door a little quie-

PRESS CONFERENCE?!?! THAT WAS TODAY?! Shocked, Domen sat up hastily and stared at his cell phone.

"Shit!"

How could he have forgotten that? He was one of the favorites for the 4 Hills Tournament and should probably hurry up now. Domen hurried into the bathroom, brushed his teeth, got dressed, and straightened his hair at the speed of light. Goran wanted to discuss the press strategy with them today. That was immensely important for not getting in trouble with the Slovenian Ski Association afterwards. Not that he was blabbing something they didn’t want him to. Regardless, information for dealing with the press was never to be despised. Especially if, like him, you put so much emphasis on cultivating a professional image. Maybe then the world would catch onto the fact that he was an adult now, and not a little child.

Domen quickly ran out of the room towards the dining rooms. Once there, he looked around searchingly, ignoring the curious glances everyone gave him. By now he had gotten used to it and somehow, he also liked being the center of attention. But not in this kind of situation.

As a result, he seemed too stressed and hectic, although he was always coolness and calmness itself. And most importantly, of course: he was an adult. But now? Now he only seemed like an overburdened little child again, not in the least thanks to his boyish appearance which still tricked everyone. The people around him always decided that they had to mother him, and Domen hated it.

The dining room was full of people. People from the ski jumping circus were sat at tables all around the room. Teams from other countries, service and ski people. Although the teams changed between the individual World Cup stops, the faces were mostly the same. A new face only appeared every once in a while. What struck him was that he couldn’t see the neon green clothes he actually belonged to and that he urgently needed to find.

"Do you need help?"

Annoyed to have been interrupted in his search, he turned around. He knew far too well who that voice belonged to. They had been on the podium countless times lately. Domen was in front of the Norwegian most of the time, which, he thought, was only right.

"Do I look like I need help?" the Slovenian hissed, hoping earnestly that his opposite disappeared quickly. He just didn’t want to think about it. He didn’t want to seen to be a helpless child. He was not! He had proved that plenty in the last few weeks. He hated being the sweet little kid.

"Put the claws away, princess! I just wanted to help,” Daniel raised his hands defensively and grinned at him.

"Stop calling me that," Domen said, not for the first time, and he knew the chances of his request being granted were slim.

"Stop behaving like one," Daniel called back to him, grinning over his shoulder as he walked over to his team at the table in the other corner of the room.

He stared after him for a moment, imagining himself tearing Daniel to pieces, before concentrating on more pressing matters again. His more detailed fantasies had to wait - now it was time to set priorities. He had to find his team. What had Goran said yesterday?

"How did I know that I’d find you here? You obviously didn’t listen yesterday,” his brother shouted across the room. At the tables around them, the others began to giggle.

"Thank you for your concern," Domen grumbled angrily, hurrying to Peter and dragging him away. Did Peter always have to embarrass him like that?

"Hey, it’s not my fault that you can’t listen," he dismissed any notion of blame. "Goran is angry again. You really should be careful."

"Why? I'm here. Okay, a few minutes late. Not my fault. I just couldn’t find the way. So… what?” He looked confidently at Peter and hoped that his older brother had understood the message. No further discussions of his alleged failures. Besides, with his success he was above everyone else anyway.

"If you think so," Peter replied, shrugging, before he ran up the stairs and turned into the next room.

The entire crew, who had sat together at breakfast, was sat inside, staring at the presentation that was projected against the wall. Unfortunately, Goran had just thanked the team for their attention with the last slide of his presentation.

Crap. So he was hopelessly late, Domen thought.

One look at Goran and he knew that he was in deep shit. His coach had furrowed his eyebrows and twisted his mouth. "Morning. Glad you’ve decided to grace us with your presence, Domen." he greeted him, clearly put out.

"Um, yes. Excuse me, I forgot - er ..." -

"To get up?” Goran suggested, and Domen realised that it was better to shut up now. Guiltily he lowered his head and cursed Anže. The kiss-ass had probably sneaked again.

"Well, since you’ve missed the briefing, I’m sure you’ll understand that I can hardly let you go to the press, completely uninformed as you are."

"I'll just get the information from the others," he offered generously. He would easily manage that.

"No, I don’t think you will. It’s training now, remember? You should focus on training and not on the latest gossip," Goran refused Domen’s proposal without batting an eyelid and looked at him challengingly. The room had fallen silent. Many looked at the two with interest, wondering who would probably win this duel. Others, like Peter, kept their eyes lowered, embarrassed. What the hell was this youngster doing?

"You can’t do that!" Domen snapped incredulously. What was the point of that? After all, he was the favorite par excellence. No name was mentioned more often than his (not that he had counted) - you just had to turn on the news and listen. He had received countless requests from the press, so many that it was impossible to handle them all.

"Well, since I'm still your coach, I’d say that yes, I can do that. And if you’re late again, the consequences will be quite different. Are we clear?"

Seething inside, he glared at his coach but nodded. He knew his coach had the upper hand. For the moment. At some point he would show everyone. Really everyone. Even that damned Norwegian. He should wear warm clothes next time. Daniel wouldn’t stand a chance against him. And then his stupid grin would pass him by.


	2. Daniel - Oberstdorf - Day before qualification

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello :) 
> 
> I'm glad that you're back and at first I wanted to thank you for the kudos and clicks! I was really happy about it and hope you could enjoy the second chapter as well. This time we get to know Daniel a little bit better.   
> And before you start reading, I have to say "thank you" to silverstarswept, who helped me with the translation again. :) 
> 
> Okay, that's it. 
> 
> Brooke Annibale - Under Streetlights  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fJOwYt2tKnQ

Cozy, Daniel and his teammates made their way from the official team presentation in the market square in Oberstdorf back to the team bus. It had gone well and secretly he was glad about the fact that he was part of the elite circle of favorites, among so many first-class jumpers. Even if the press had given him only an outside chance, Daniel knew that he had the makings of a tournament winner. He had never been in such good shape as he was this season.

He was satisfied with himself and his demeanor at the press conference that afternoon. It was fun answering the journalists' questions. After the team presentation that evening, he just felt happy. Although the pressure to win the Golden Eagle back home in Norway was greater than ever before, he didn’t intend to let it bother him. And to be honest, it was down to him anyway. After all, he had jumped in all the successes himself before the Christmas break.

Lost in thought, he walked a little behind his teammates, who were busy evaluating the team presentation. Daniel, on the other hand, just wanted to let it sink in, and not analyze every single detail to death.

"Hey, Daniel, what do you reckon: why were the Prevc brothers not at the press conference this afternoon? It’s strange, right? I mean, they obviously weren’t sick.” Andreas turned to him questioningly.

"Dunno. Psychological warfare? Who knows what goes on in the Slovenians’ heads." Shrugging his shoulders, Daniel climbed into their bus, sat back and stared out of the window.

"Or maybe Domen was late again," chuckled Anders Fannemel. and the team started to laugh. Just about everyone had seen the youngest Prevc causing considerable annoyance among the Slovenian team since he had joined the World Cup. It was always a real spectacle to watch Goran Janus’ expression darken, steam almost pouring out of his ears as he tried not to crack.

Daniel looked over at the small square where they had been officially welcomed in Oberstdorf a few minutes ago. Neon green jackets. These were either the Germans or the Slovenians. Sighing, he closed his eyes. The journey to Oberstdorf had been long, and the next days would be exhausting. He should really just focus on the most important things from now. Nevertheless, he couldn’t prevent his thoughts from wandering to the aforementioned Slovenian. He hated that: it distracted him, it just wasn’t allowed to be. The risk was too great. Although he was well under control now, he was always careful not to give himself away with lingering glances or excessive interest.

So Daniel let the others talk, spent the ride in silence, although of course not without keeping half an ear open for any information. With a smile he thought back to his meeting with Domen that morning. He loved to provoke him, especially since an appropriate reaction was

never long in coming. But he knew that he should be careful, maybe stop it. If he can. He’s tried it several times before.

"Hey Daniel, what’re you smiling at?" The blond Norwegian was torn from his thoughts. Everyone stared at him.

"I was just thinking about the team presentation again. It's great that we have so many fans everywhere. I mean, the whole atmosphere… it’s crazy!” He tried to talk his way out of the situation as quickly as he could. Relieved, he let out a breath as he garnered approving nods from all sides. The team lived from their many fans who always supported them, no matter what country they were in.

A little more relaxed, Daniel realized that the others were turning to a new topic of conversation: women.

"Hey Tom, how was Christmas with Sarah? Do the Americans really celebrate it as ridiculously as you always hear?” Robert asked interestedly. He hadn’t been in the team for a long time, but it had been clear to everyone since his very first day that he liked to talk. About everything and nothing. Very extensively.

"Yeah, they do. But Sarah's family aren’t as excessive as- "

"Wait! Sarah's family? Uhh, is it really getting serious, Tom?” Andreas interrupted Tom, wiggling his eyebrows. Sarah and Tom had been a couple for a long time, but they still hadn’t managed to make the whole thing more official. So far, there hadn’t been any public appearances together, and they avoided meeting each other’s family. For whatever reason, the two had difficulties taking their relationship to the next level.

"Well, um... yeah. Maybe. I mean, Christmas is a bad time to celebrate without a family...

So... " Tom desperately tried to climb out of the hole he’d dug himself.

"Isn’t it cute how he’s suddenly become so coy!" Daniel couldn’t resist annoying his friend and the entire bus burst into laughter.

"Oh, because you guys can talk: Anders and his on-off relationship with Tora, Andreas and his inability to decide between Maria and Sofia-"

"You're just jealous!" Andreas interjected .

"-and our good Daniel here, the loudest of all, doesn’t even have a relationship to show - or any other kind of contact with the opposite sex, for that matter." Tom continued his verbal assault and crossed his arms.

"He’s not wrong." Robert remarked into the silence, and all eyes turned to Daniel, who really wanted to crawl into the seat and hide. It wasn’t exactly going the way he’d planned: he didn’t like being the center of attention like this.

"I just… um… haven’t got time for that kind of thing right now." he choked out nervously, and the raised eyebrows he got in response showed exactly what the others thought about his defense.

"Then nobody would have anything going on." Anders said dryly, eyeing the younger man next to him closely. It was clear that the topic was uncomfortable for Daniel. The question was: why?

"I’m also just no good at getting to know people... and anyway, they’re all only interested in my sporting achievements." Daniel rambled on. He would have been proud that he had remembered more of his usual arguments if he hadn’t felt so crowded in the corner at this moment. Why had he said something? Usually he knew better.

"You’re constantly getting to know new people, and you don’t have to find true love. You should just have fun. Enjoy it.” Andreas smiled and looked at Daniel.

He really wished he could finally find the courage to tell them the truth, but he knew it would change too much. It would define him, his sport and his achievements. He knew the stories of athletes who had come out. Daniel knew that ski jumping wasn’t football or boxing, but he was still afraid of the reactions, of the possible backlash. And there was still no precedent in ski jumping. And he wouldn’t become one. Of course, he knew Daniela Iraschko-Stolz, but that was the women. They were, in his opinion, always more tolerant and they had far less media attention than the men.

"Do we want to meet for poker later?” Anders abruptly changed the topic with a glance at Daniel, and his expression changed to one of pure enthusiasm. This enthusiasm, however, remained limited to Anders. Daniel was relieved that he’d been let off the hook.

"Look, I know that you get along fine without any sleep. I mean, you’re a cross between an owl and lark. But unfortunately, that doesn’t apply to me, so... Sorry, but I'll pass.” answered Andreas.

"Please… don’t tell lies. You just want to go to your room, because you still haven’t called your girlfriends. Am I right?" Tom teased, and Andreas just shrugged his shoulders. "A gentleman never tells." he commented, only to receive appreciative whistles. Only Daniel shook his head almost imperceptibly and rolled his eyes.

"Okay, and the rest of you?" Anders asked, and everyone started to shake their heads. Anders was one of those people who only needed four or five hours sleep, so he was usually responsible for the tired faces in the team. Which Alex usually noted with little enthusiasm.

Even Daniel had shaken his head, although he knew he wouldn’t go straight to his room and sleep. He was just too hyped up to do that now. The conversation had robbed him of any calm. But that was nothing that couldn’t be solved with a quick walk. He just had to cool down again. That was normal. Nothing else.

"You’re such cowards!" Anders shook his head in disbelief. "Then I'll just have to make new friends." he said, crossing his arms in a dramatic gesture, causing everyone to burst out in laughter again as the coach pulled up in front of the hotel. Chatting at full volume, the Norwegians got out.

"Hey, Daniel! That's the wrong way.” Tom shouted over the heads of his teammates when he noticed that Daniel had taken a different direction to the others.

"I know. I just want to cool down a little after all the fan hype.” he shouted to them.

"Cooling down, yeah? So that’s what we’re calling it these days. Who’s the lucky girl?” Tom joked as the team erupted in applause.

"And he tells us he has no time..." Halvor waggled his finger reprimandingly.

"Isn’t it a little cold for a rendezvous in the forest?" Andreas added, and Robert nudged him with his elbow:

"I’m sure they'll figure out how to keep warm."

"You’re such kids!" Daniel laughed, raising his hand in farewell, and walked quickly to the path that led directly into the forest.

"Don’t get lost!” the others said by way of a goodbye, and Daniel couldn’t resist a grin. He loved all of those crazy guys, and they loved teasing each other. They were friends, even though they were competitors. That balancing act wasn’t always easy, but at the end of the day it made life a lot more enjoyable when they were touring Europe together.

He breathed the fresh mountain air in deeply, and looked up to the sky. There wasn’t a cloud to be seen today: instead, billions of stars were scattered across the sky. Unfortunately, he didn’t know much about astronomy and constellations, but he found the stars just beautiful. And mysterious. How did they originate? Was there life out there somewhere? Maybe even a world without all the prejudices and hatred of Earth? He had no answers to these questions. His mother once said that for every soul on Earth, there was also a star in the univ-

"Ahh!" Daniel exclaimed in shock, while the ground rushed inexorably towards him.

Cursing, he scrambled to his knees and examined the damage. Hands slightly scratched, clothes dirty and a hole in his pants. Maybe a little scratch on the knee, but it was hard to tell in the moonlight. Daniel quickly analyzed the situation as he heard loud laughter.

"You don’t even get 10 points for that landing." a person who had emerged from the scrub beside him laughed, holding his stomach and wiping tears of laughter from his eyes.

Angrily, Daniel leapt to his feet and wiped the dirt off his pants and hands. Of course it had to be him who saw Daniel’s tumble. Who else could it have been? There were only like one hundred billion other people on the planet.

"Behold! Your Highness mingles with the peasants. And why aren’t you at least lying in bed on the brink of death?” he replied, pissed off. Nevertheless, he couldn’t suppress his curiosity, and he wanted to know why his opponent had skipped the press conference today. Daniel would’ve bet that Domen would rather chop his own legs off than voluntarily miss the conference.

By the dim light of his flashlight, which Daniel had taken out of his pocket, he saw how the Domen’s expression darkened.

“That's none of your business." the Slovenian turned away, kicking a rock into the forest. With his hands buried deep in his pockets, he turned away from Daniel and ran further into the dark forest. Without a flashlight, of course. Why would you even need one in the dazzling moonlight?

The wind picked up and it began to crackle and rustle in the forest. Somewhere an owl let out a loud cry and the hairs stood up on the back of Daniel’s neck. What had seemed so reassuring before suddenly became threatening.

"Listen, there's a fork right there and then the road gets a lot more uneven. Maybe we should go back." Daniel shouted against the wind with a frown. The nice receptionist had warned him about it when he had asked her about a more secluded route in the afternoon. And they had been speaking about a potential trip in the daylight.

"Learn to walk first." came the dry reply from the young Slovenian, who carelessly made one step after the other and arrived at the aforementioned fork, which Daniel’s flashlight only faintly illuminated. "I don’t understand what your problem is. I can’t see anything dangerous here." Domen shrugged his shoulders and gave Daniel a haughty grin, before continuing on his way.

"That's the point! It's dark and you don’t have a flashlight. That’s generally considered pretty bad.” Daniel replied. For a moment, he was tempted to turn around and leave Domen alone. Domen should deal with the consequences of his stupid actions himself. But for some reason, Daniel couldn’t do that. He thought queasily of the icy nights in Oberstdorf and the isolation of the hotel. Not a good combination, Daniel thought. No doubt the boy's massive ego could take a bash or two, but maybe not that drastically.

"You're such a stupid dickhead!" Daniel scolded, as he covered the distance to Domen in a few strides and grabbed him by the arm to pull him back.

"Hey! What are you doing?" Domen broke free indignantly and looked at Daniel. Fuming, the two faced each other in the dark and stared each other down.

"Do you really have to ask? I wanted to stop you from doing anything stupid.” Daniel snapped back, shaking his head. How could the Slovenian be so stubborn?

"I don’t need a babysitter!" Domen hissed angrily with a look in his eyes that told Daniel he was really close doing something incredibly stupid

"What the hell is wrong with you? Do you really want to break your neck on the eve of the Four Hills? Yes? Then please, don’t let me disturb you!” Daniel challenged the Slovenian and set out without hesitation to start the return to the hotel. Inwardly, he was nowhere near as cool as he was acting, and prayed that Domen would see reason. He had no idea what he would do if he didn’t.

Domen stared at him defiantly for a few more seconds, then strode past him without any comment. His head held high, Domen walked back towards the hotel. Silently, Daniel went after him until they reached the hotel and their paths split.

A curious evening, Daniel thought as he opened the door to the hotel room he shared with Anders. He still wondered what Domen’s problem was. And he still didn’t know why the Slovenian hadn't been at the press conference today. Most of the time Domen was a complete mystery to him. And he was aware that he should probably keep it that way. It was best to let sleeping dogs lie.


	3. Domen - Oberstdorf - Day of qualification

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the kudos and clicks! And now, one week later, a new chapter, which was also corrected by sliverstarswept. Thanks for that! ;) 
> 
> Wakey Wakey - Take it like a man  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HQDvephxhOY

When Domen's alarm clock rang the next morning, he startled sleepily, but unlike the previous day, he was determined to arrive punctually for breakfast. It still annoyed him that the coach put so much value on his stupid plans, but at the moment Goran still had the upper hand. The others were all kiss-arses and would never contradict his plans. So, Domen thought, he had no choice but to do Goran’s bidding. Especially since he didn’t want the interviews with various TV channels being canceled. But he would show everyone today. Therefore he had set his alarm half an hour earlier yesterday evening and today he would be sat at the breakfast table before anyone else.

Last night he’d tried to push it into the farthest corner of his consciousness. The shame of missing the press conference yesterday still stung. That ball of anger had settled in his stomach. The fact that he got up regardless this morning and didn’t skip the rest of the interviews was only thanks to Daniel, even though Domen would rather die than admit that. But the Norwegian was right. He wanted to win this tournament and he don’t want to ruin it all because of some childish strop. Once he was really successful, no one would dare to patronize him. Then he would be able to do everything the way he wanted.

Bleary, he took a shower, which didn’t really help wake him up. After that Domen wanted to get dressed but he had trouble finding his clothes for the interview, seen as they were scattered around the room. He and Anže weren’t what you’d call experts in terms of tidiness, and given the room’s current state, they should desperately avoid visits from Goran or any of the other supervisors. After the last unannounced visit, they had been assigned cleaning duty, which unfortunately hadn’t been limited to their hotel room. They’d also had to clean the cabins on the hill. It was pretty crappy for both of them. Since then, the hotel rooms they occupied were always no-go zones for trainers and staff.

Finally, he found his T-shirt, which he held in front of him and eyed critically from all angles. Apparently, this hadn’t been a wrinkle-free T-shirt and its time as a pile on the floor hadn’t been kind to the formerly relatively smooth surface. He thought for a moment and looked around. It might take a while to find another one and there was no guarantee that that would be wrinkle-free. So he decided to wear the gray shirt he’d already found and just wear his tracksuit jacket over it. And the wrinkles disappeared as if by magic. Who needed an iron when jackets existed? Before turning to the door, he quickly checked his hair in the mirror, and a minute later Domen shuffled through the hotel's deserted corridors to the breakfast room, where, as expected, nothing was going on. He was the first at their table, he realized with satisfaction.

Tired, he went to the buffet to get a bowl of cereal and a cup of tea. Stealthily he looked over at the Norwegians’ table, which was clearly visible from his position. Just two jumpers were sat already there: Johansson and Granerud, who ate their rolls in a good mood.

"Who are you looking for?”

Domen froze and looked at his opponent. Of course. Who else?

"Uh... butter." his tired mind suggested, and he immediately wanted to cut his tongue out. Was he crazy? What did he say that for?

"For cereal?" Daniel looked at him doubtfully.

"Uh… mmmh... you…uhm… eat it like that in Slovenia." he stuck to his story, too busy mentally ramming his head against a wall to come up with anything worthwhile. He felt exactly how his cheeks began to burn with shame. Why hadn’t he been smart and told the Norwegian that he wanted to eat a sandwich? Was he completely insane now?

"Okay... um... there it is, right in front of you.” Daniel pointed between the big bread basket and the jam beside them.

"Thanks." Domen said, quickly turning away from his counterpart and forcing himself to take a piece of butter, which he absentmindedly put in his cereal. Embarrassed, Domen watched the butter begin to melt in his lukewarm milk. But he didn’t want to show any weakness and admit that he had secretly been looking for him, although he had only noticed that because Daniel had addressed him. He just wasn’t sure why he did that and that made him pretty mad. At himself and at Daniel.

"And how does it taste?" Daniel couldn’t refrain from asking again, and had followed Domen. In doing so you could clearly see the deep crease between his eyes. Apparently, he wasn’t sure if Domen was still in full possession of his mental faculties.

"Very good." Domen snapped and walked quickly to his table, which fortunately was far away from the Norwegians’. Grumbling, he sat down and looked at the remains of butter, which now floated among his cereal. Great. What should he do with it now?

Searching, he looked around for a way to get rid of the butter. As inconspicuous as possible, of course. Then he noticed the table bin. On the one hand, he was against throwing away food, but how could he explain that to anyone?

"What are you doing!”

Domen froze like a deer in headlights for the second time that day, while the butter splashed back into his milk, and the milk over half the table. When he looked up, he looked straight into the eyebrow-raised eyes that belonged to his eldest brother, who looked as if he wanted to kill him right there and now. Peter hated to attract attention. And his younger brother didn’t always reflect well on the Prevc family. Peter just didn’t understand why his brother had to behave so badly. They were the number one topic of public conversation right now, and not just because of their athletic performance.

"Um ... the butter fell into the bowl and-"

"How so?" He looked skeptically at the buffet. It was really bad luck that the butter dish was about 5 meters away from Domen’s normal breakfast route, which Peter, of course, knew very well.

To cover up his nervousness, he stirred his tea as he continued.

"Well, actually that was not me, it was Daniel... and I absolutely couldn’t return the butter covered with the milk. Right? Do you want to take it?" Domen asked his brother courteously, hoping that he would just stop talking about it.

"Daniel?"

Of course he wouldn’t stop talking about it. And Domen couldn’t tell him the truth. Under no circumstances. Way too awkward. "Yeah, we are… uh… we bumped…uhm… into each other and ..."

"... the butter jumped from his plate into your bowl? Really, you're outrageous! "Peter scolded.

What was that supposed to mean? Why was Peter pissed at him when everything was the Norwegian’s fault? If you took it literally then even Peter was guilty! And Goran, of course. Who had to insist that he appeared on time for breakfast? Certainly not him. Anyway, Peter should better deal with his own problems, which were currently (even without him) plentiful.

"What is it now? Which problem do you have this time?" Domen hissed while all this went through his head. His nerves had already been severely strained this morning and he really didn’t need another kicking from his perfect brother.

"My problem is that you always have to behave like the most immature person in the world. You reflect badly on us.” Peter said angrily, while their little argument began to attract attention, although Peter had almost whispered his answer. But everything about his facial expressions and gestures revealed that the eldest Prevc was upset about something. And that alone was a small sensation: to see the otherwise so even-tempered Peter Prevc angry in public. Curious glances were already being thrown from the tables next to them. The people weren’t as inconspicuous as they might have thought.

"I didn’t do anything!" Domen replied, raising his voice, which attracted even more interest.

"Don’t shout like that. Just forget what I said.” Peter yielded quickly and looked around uncomfortably.

"Wait, I'll get a plate." he added quickly and hurried away, thwarting the numerous objections that Domen already had on the tip of his tongue.

Grimly, he fished his butter out of the milk again when Peter was on his way back to their table. Domen gave the butter to Peter as he noticed that the whole Norwegian team passed by them, walking back to their room. His eyes fell on Daniel, who looked at him and smiled mischievously. For a short yet somehow eternal moment they caught each other’s eyes.

Then Domen’s brain switched back on and he registered what Daniel was watching, or rather what he wasn’t watching: namely, Domen enjoying his Slovenian butter cereal. Determined not to show any weakness, he forced himself to look straight into Daniel's eyes as if he wanted to challenge him. But instead, the Norwegian’s mouth twitched and he erupted into laughter.

Domen didn’t notice his brother’s glances, who looked between them in surprise.

"Hello? Earth to Domen?" He tried to regain his younger brother's attention, waving his hand in front of his face as he sat back at the table. The plate loaded with his breakfast and Domen’s butter. What did that mean?

"What! What have I done wrong in your opinion?" Domen burst out, and he began to scoop up his cereal in a hurry. His hand tightly clenched around the spoon, which in Domen’s fantasy was Peter's neck. That was just not his time of day. Not even close. He urgently needed to get out of here, especially away from his brother. And he should avoid Daniel until he could remind him who was the boss of ski jumping. However, he had to wait until this afternoon, because then the qualification for tomorrow's competition would take place. Why couldn’t he come as late as usual? Then he would be lying comfortably in his bed, wouldn’t have experienced the embarrassing butter fiasco and he would have had his rest in front of Peter and the stick up his ass.

"Come on. I just wanted to remind you that the training starts at half past nine." Peter said, rolling his eyes as he devoted himself to his breakfast. Okay, that was not quite the truth. Actually, Peter wanted to ask his brother what he had to do with the Norwegian, but then he had seen Jurij and Jernej coming through the door. So Peter decided to let it lie for now. He just felt like they were behaving strangely for some reason. Daniel and Domen. Not always, but sometimes he got the impression that there... actually, what? Peter couldn’t out his finger on it. It was just the rare moments like this that made him sit up and take notice. That made him believe that something was wrong. Or at least that something was different.

"I'm not demented, Peter." Domen replied harshly as he emphatically stuffed another spoon into his mouth.

"Oh, really? Has that been confirmed by a doctor? Are they really sure?” Jurij, who had apparently picked up the last part of their conversation, sat down next to Peter and ruffled Domen's hair.

"Stop that!" He slapped his hand away and straightened his hair as best as he could without a mirror. Another thing he hated. Again, he felt like he was being treated like a little child by everyone. Besides, he was about to meet the TV people and he didn’t want to look like he didn’t know how to spell ‘hair comb’.

"Uh-oh, someone’s in a bad mood," commented Jernej drily, before he focused his attention on his breakfast.

"It's like that in puberty, you know," said Jurij with a wink as he bit heartily into his sausage bread.

Domen, having already heard enough this morning, didn’t want to keep on listening to all this nonsense. So he got up with a jerk and wordlessly left the breakfast room.

A bit helpless, the others looked after him. "What's wrong with him?" Jurij asked, and Jernej shrugged.

"Maybe he got out of the wrong side of the bed?" He suggested.

"Maybe that’s the problem? That he’s got up?" Jurij added another theory and both dissolved into laughter.

Only Peter stared after his brother with a frown. Maybe something really wasn’t right. Maybe the whole success of the past few weeks, the high expectations that were being placed on him, and the hype around him were a little too much. Peter knew only too well what it was all about. He had experienced it himself.

Maybe he should talk to Domen again. Even if their relationship wasn’t so close for the last years.

Sure, they were brothers, but somehow each of them had gone their own way. And the fact that their ways crossed now, wasn’t easy at all.

Domen’s mood had definitely reached its lowest point this morning. But now he had no time to wallow in self-pity. He was going to meet the reporter downstairs in the lobby in less than 10 minutes. In his mind, he considered possible questions and potential answers again as he ran down the stairs. They’d definitely ask him about his goals for the tournament, and probably what he personally thought of his role as favorite and how he coped with the pressure as well. In addition, they would probably return to his flying style. So far he hadn’t given an interview that hadn’t come to that point. Sooner or later.

"Mr. Prevc?"

Domen turned to the voice that had just spoken to him. "Yes?"

In front of him stood a slightly older man in his fifties with a balding head and thick horn-rimmed glasses, who shook his hand. "I’m very happy to make your acquaintance. My name is Paul Thiessen and today I will conduct the interview for RTV Slovenija."

"The pleasure is all mine." Domen replied pleasantly, as he followed Thiessen into a conference room, where the cameraman was waiting for them. Domen knew Thiessen quite well. He was a hip sports reporter in Slovenia and understood something of his trade. Last year he had conducted several interviews with Peter, and Domen had secretly envied him for it. He couldn’t wait to talk to him about his plans for the future.

Casually, he sat down in his chair, allowed the stylist to powder him a bit, and then he was ready to go. Full of anticipation, Domen looked at Thiessen, who made sure one last time that his tie was in the right place.

"Ladies and gentlemen, it is a great pleasure for us to have him here today: the high-flyer of this season and the youngest brother of the last World Cup winner: Domen Prevc. Domen, thank you for making time for us today.” he greeted Domen once more for the audience.

"I'm happy to be here." Domen replied with a nod to the camera, and decided to ignore the reference to his brother. As if they would not recognize him without his relationship to Peter.

"Domen, you've been pretty successful lately. That surprised many of our viewers. How are you doing with this?” Thiessen commenced the interview and leaned forward a bit.

"Of course, I am pleased that things are going so well. That's the result of years of hard training and it feels good to be rewarded for it.” Domen replied, not without a little pride in himself.

"But isn’t the pressure sometimes a bit much? After all, you're only seventeen years old and everyone think you are one of the favorites for the Four Hills Tournament.” continued Thiessen, not taking his eyes off him. Secretly Domen was annoyed by that question. He didn’t know what his success had to do with his age. He wouldn’t break down howling and scream for his mom, just because a few people think that he’s able to win the tournament.

"No, I’m cool about it. My mind is free and clear, and if I lose the tournament, I’ll just drive home. It doesn’t bother me.” Domen announced confidently as he ruffled his hair and opened his jacket. It was really warm in this room. The irritated looks of his interlocutor led Domen back to his answer. Domen couldn’t resist a small grin. That was exactly what he had hoped for.

That his interlocutor didn’t acknowledge his answer, although his crumpled shirt went completely past Domen.

"How do you deal with being in the team with your brothers now? Isn’t it difficult between you and Peter? One is successful, the other is not? Does that affect your performance?" Thiessen asked, a little tactlessly.

"It's fun to jump with my brothers and of course I'm happy about it, but it wasn’t us who made the decision to jump together. That was the coach." He tried to avoid the last part of the question, which he basically didn’t want to answer.

"Then tell me one thing: what's so special about your family? I mean, Peter dominated last season, and your brother Cene was very successful in the Continental Cup. And you’ve surprised with your performance so far. Is there a special gene in the Prevc family?” His counterpart did not let up.

"No, probably not. The secret to success will always be hard training. It doesn’t just happen by itself. But he's Peter and I'm Domen - we just happen to have the same surnames.” With a stoic, calm voice, Domen answered that appalling, stupid question, so even Mother Theresa would’ve been impressed by his self-control. He would rather grab the microphone in front of him and stuff it in Thiessen’s mouth. Who had come up with these questions, please? And to be honest, it seemed as if they'd rather have interviewed Peter than him. The interview should be about him and not about his brother. 

After all, he was the one with the chance to win the golden eagle. Not Peter.

"The fact that you have an even more extreme jumping style than your brother, let’s call it Peter 2.0, has already been discussed a lot in recent weeks. Your jump looks spectacular and many people hold in their breath when they see you fly. Are you never afraid that something could go wrong?” Thiessen didn’t let him off the hook.

Apparently, he hadn’t listened to Domen for the last few minutes. He wasn’t Peter 2.0! Angry, he took a sip of water from the glass in front of him before he did anything stupid. "Afraid? Respect for the jump maybe and sure, a little fear is there too. That is normal. But no real fear. Real fear leads to bad jumps and that is what I’m more afraid of."

"Okay, then we wish you success at the tournament and we thank you for being here," Thiessen said and the cameraman put down his camera a moment later. It was finally over, Domen thought. That somehow did not quite go his way.

"Good interview.” Thiessen gave his unprompted assessment and smiled at him in a way that seemed somehow wrong.

"Thanks." Domen brought himself to say. "Are we done then?" He wanted to leave. Fast.

"For sure. Good luck to you today.” Thiessen said, before he turned away from him and engrossed himself in a conversation with the cameraman. "And give my greetings to your brother!"

All right, fuck you too, Domen thought.. He really needed to get out of here. Go somewhere and blow off some steam. Peter, Peter and Peter again. It was always Peter, everywhere he went. Was he so worth so much less than his brother?

This morning had been cursed from the beginning. Now he knew why he usually skipped this time of day.


	4. Daniel - Oberstdorf - Day of qualification

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Easter everyone! 
> 
> Another chapter is translated and corrected (Thanks silverstarswept! You're wonderful!) and I really hope you could enjoy it! But first I wanted to say Thank you for your interest. I was really happy about all the kudos and clicks and the comment! It's great to see that there are some people who read this! 
> 
> And now: let's start :) 
> 
> Daughter - Youth  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VEpMj-tqixs

"Anyway guys, remember: anything could happen, but nothing has to. Well, at least qualification should be ... well ... you know what I mean.” Alex finished the day’s motivational speech before they moved on to get ready for the first qualification of the Four Hills.

After a loud "Heia Norge", their battle cry before each competition, Alex said goodbye to them and left the cabin, and a lively, but rather hectic bustle began. Each of them had different rituals before jumping, which they worked through as though they were on a to-do list. Sometimes athletes were strange beings.

That also ensured that a funny, chaotic-looking, but nevertheless harmonious coexistence arose. Everyone was busy with themselves, because now the real work began. The focus on that one jump, which would hopefully give them a good starting position: a feasible knockout duel.

Since Daniel would jump later than the others, seeing as he was placed much higher in the overall World Cup, he left the container to give his teammates a little space. He would do two or three more imitation exercises instead, and if there was still time, jog a little to keep himself and his joints warm.

Outside in the fresh air, he began to stretch and absorb the tournament feeling that anticipated him. Everywhere, the air crackled with tension and great expectations. As the saying went, you couldn’t win the tournament in Oberstdorf, but you could lose it. And this knowledge, the special format, created this specific atmosphere every year during the Four Hills.

This year, for the first time in his career, he was counted among the favorites, in addition to five other jumpers. They all belonged to the world's elite and this feeling, this knowledge, inspired him. He felt like nothing could go wrong. He just had to do his job. Just jump well and he would have a chance. He loved the competition. He was good at it. And he knew the rules of the game.

Daniel came close to the German team, who were warming up with a game of volleyball, and began with some of his stretching exercises. Meanwhile, he had a good look at the noise around him. Stefan Kraft, greeting him, ran past into the Austrians' wax cabin, while the first Kazakh packed his things to slowly make his way up. There was still some time, but as mentioned, everyone had different rituals and for some of them, the slow walk up to the hill was one of them.

As he began to stretch his leg and perform various exercises, he saw how the Slovenians’ container door was thrown open. None other than the overall World Cup leader himself stomped out, seemingly absorbed in a conversation with his supervisor. Gesturing wildly, Domen tried to make his counterpart understand something. Obviously Domen's supervisor didn’t seem too pleased with his theory, and shook his head. Loudly, he began to explain something.  
Daniel had followed the youngster's jumps in the test rounds, which had been characterized by significant difficulties in the jump transition. If he interpreted Domen's gestures correctly, then that was exactly what they were discussing. The Slovenians took one of the rolling boards which Domen was approaching, and began imitating the transition. Spellbound, Daniel kept his eyes on the Slovenian as he switched from the left leg to the right. Through this exercise, you could already see the steep slope of the Slovenian between his imaginary skis. It was as if he could somehow bend his feet. It was absolutely fascinating and graceful, the way Domen seemed to keep his body tension focused on what lay beneath him. He just made it look so easy. Domen gave off unbounded energy. Fire, that-

"I would stopthat."

"What?" Daniel turned around, startled. Anders had approached him unnoticed, and began stretching exercises.

"Watching the little Prevc." He nodded towards the person who had magically attracted  
Daniel’s eyes.

"What?!" Daniel repeated mechanically as his head began to spin. Had he just betrayed himself? Was he really so spaced out that he didn’t notice? What should he do now? Everyone would know and-

"Well, you're just studying his technique, right?" Confused by his teammate's unusually intense reaction, Anders took his foot off the bench and positioned himself in front of Daniel. With a worried look in his eyes, Anders began to scrutinize Daniel. He looked pale. Somehow distracted. "Are you feeling okay?"

"No... um... I mean... yes, but... I'm fine." Daniel stuttered, his heart racing as if it was fighting for his life.

"Are you sure? You know you can talk to me." Anders looked him straight in the eye and Daniel had to muster all his willpower to withstand it. Somehow, Daniel even managed to twist his mouth to a crooked smile. Okay, it was more like a grimace, but it was the effort that mattered.

"No, er... alright... I just... I mean, how does he do that?" Daniel, rather preoccupied, tried to formulate a sentence composed of reasonably logical thoughts. The fact that he pressed his face against his knee, of course, had absolutely nothing to do with his relief, which anyone could have noticed all too easily.

"I don’t know. But it’s not as good as it’s looked for a long time.” Anders frowned at the Slovenians. Domen had just repositioned himself and jumped, agile, full of confidence, into his trainer’s arms again. And the Norwegians weren’t the only ones watching him curiously. The Germans also occasionally threw very curious glances at the Slovenian, who seemed completely engrossed in his exercises. One thing was absolutely true about Domen Prevc: he was very ambitious. 

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I mean, it's spectacular and everything, but vulnerable. It's not going to be as good as usual today." Anders shrugged, as if he didn’t really know what he meant.

“It’s often gone badly in training and then, later in the competition, he’s been on top.” Daniel reminded him, and he meant every word of it. He had complete confidence in Domen's abilities, though perhaps that wasn’t quite appropriate for a rival whom he was attracted to.

"You’ve seen the same jumps as I have, haven’t you?" Anders looked skeptically at the younger Norwegian again. This x-ray vision made Daniel much more nervous again. Did Anders suspect something? Was he using his own words against him? Again, his damn pulse shot up, and he felt the telltale heat spread across his cheeks.

"Yes, but I think he'll surprise us." Daniel forced himself to answer calmly, as he watched  
Domen vanish into the container opposite them, much happier now.

Anders thoughtfully followed Daniel's gaze, which seemed sadly lost in the void. Something was up. "What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing." Daniel replied with a smile. "For real! Don’t look at me like that. Worried. Everything is okay "

"No, I think there’s something going on with you..."

"No, you’re wrong. For real. Maybe I’m a little nervous. Nothing more.” Daniel added a little more firmly and swallowed the lump which sat unpleasantly in his throat. He would never be able to tell them. And he hated having to lie to everyone.

Anders watched his teammate closely. Daniel hid his face from him and continued his exercises, which practically forced Daniel to turn away from him. But he had seen the young Norwegian's eyes, and one thing was clear to him: Daniel wasn’t good at all. Something was bothering him, and not just since yesterday.

"Hey, do one of you want to join our team?" Richard Freitag came running up to them. "The first ones are on their way to the hill, so-"

"I'll join in!" Daniel burst out eagerly, even before the German had been able to finish speaking, which earned him astonished looks from all sides.

"Okay... show me what you’ve got." Richard laughed, throwing the ball to Daniel, which he had been holding before.  
Daniel waved to Anders briefly before he followed the German. That had been a lucky rescue at the last second. Anders was really a great friend, but way too attentive. Daniel sensed that Anders hadn’t bought any of his ramblings. But before he could face that again, he urgently needed a different tactic. And a little more discipline. Anders probably just had to watch him a little more attentively and he would figure out that one and one don’t make  
three.

"Let's go!" Daniel shouted to the other Germans, breathing in and out for a moment in throwing the ball in the air and hitting it to the other side with all the strength and anger on him and the world. Why did he just have to be what he was?

Infected by Daniel's ambition, the game developed into a real competition quickly. So they played full of concentration for the next few minutes, which helped Daniel to focus and calm down a bit.

“Soon we'll have you!" Andreas Wellinger exclaimed, grinning and shooting the ball directly at Severin.

"In your dreams!" Shouted Severin as he parried the ball masterfully directly in front of the net of the opponents. Markus, who was standing in front of the net and had judged the ball’s trajectory, jumped at the last second, but didn’t catch it properly and therefore hit it right into the net, which scored Daniel’s team another point. Officially, of course, there was no score. Unofficially, of course, there was.

"What did you say? You’ll beat us? I don’t know why, but I don’t see that…” Richard laughed and clapped with Severin and Daniel.

"That was intentional. We don’t want to embarrass you by winning big.” Markus countered confidently.  
So the banter went back and forth for a while, until they were interrupted by a shout. "Severin! Here’s someone who wants to wish you luck." Werner Schuster yelled across the  
square and pointed to his pretty blonde companion, who only had eyes for one man.  
Immediately, Severin dropped the ball and ran towards his wife with a wide, happy, over-the-top grin. Totally in love, he pulled his wife into his arms and kissed her.

"That's not really fair.” Stephan shook his head.

"Amen to that. He has luck in the game and gets the woman.” Andreas said indignantly. "Really outrageous!" Andreas added louder so that it reached Severin, who, instead of breaking apart from his wife, simply lifted his middle finger, while grinning in the kiss. Fascinated, they watched the spectacle in front of them. Daniel saw how happy the two were, how in love they looked when they broke their kiss and looked into each other's eyes.  
Longing bubbled up inside him. He realized once again that he was longing for something he  
would never have. It was better to say goodbye to his dreams sooner than later. Surely it would become easier over time, he thought, and unintentionally blew out a quiet sigh.

"Yeah, they're abnormally happy, aren’t they?" Richard elbowed Daniel, misinterpreting his reaction. Nevertheless, Daniel could only agree with him in his current emotional state, if for completely different reasons.

“It’s as if they hadn’t seen each other for years, not two days." Markus said, watching the two of them incredulously. How could you be so in love after being together for more than five years?

"And if you think that’s strange, then you should’ve seen what Sevi organized for her birthday:" Richard began to tell tales out of school, “Filling their apartment with heart-shaped balloons with pictures of the two of them.”

"Including the full package: candles, roses, romantic music and of course, the ring and its proposal." Andreas said, and the enthusiasm in his voice was clearly audible. "What do you think I had to listen to as I told to my girlfriend about this?"

Shrugging, Daniel waited curiously for the answer from the German.

"Yes, so Andi," he began to imitate his girlfriend with a high-pitched voice "that's what I call a man who really loves his wife. You should really take a leaf out of his book... blah blah blah." he finished his performance. "I just told her that, because I thought - you see, I shouldn’t  
think so much - well, I thought she'd find it just as mushy as me... I mean Caro likes monster movies and beer?!? How could I have come up with the idea that she’s a hopeless romantic at heart?! "

"Poor Andi!" Richard patted him mock-sympathetically on the shoulder. In his opinion every woman deserved a little romance.

"Yes, even if he doesn’t look like it, our Severin is a true master of romance." Stephan came back to the original topic, and while the two continued to talk about Severin and his wife, Daniel drifted off with his thoughts. He wondered what kind of couple he and Domen would make. He couldn’t imagine that they would be like Severin and his Caren. He also couldn’t imagine the young Slovenian in a room with heart-shaped balloons without feeling nauseous. He would probably just ask for a pistol, assuming that the point is to shoot them down. All in all, he would probably find it more romantic to cook a can of soup together than to have to endure all the sappy stuff. A small smile spread across Daniel's face as he thought about it and began to imagine Domen dressed up all fancy for a date, but at almost the same moment the smile faded. He would never find out what it’d be like, and he would do well to live in the here and now instead of his silly dreams. He had to keep his distance. He was going to ruin everything he'd built up because of his stupid infatuation with an immature 17-year-old.

"Hey, - Uh, I'm gonna go jogging again." he interrupted the Germans’ conversation. 

"Yeah, sure. It was a great match.” Richard said with a handshake.

"You’re always welcome for another match," Severin said, who came back, after he had kissed his wife goodbye once more.

"Yeah and next time, Tande, we’ll win the match." Markus threatened with a raised forefinger. His eyes glittered in anticipation of a chance to make his promise come true.

"I'll keep that in mind!" Daniel shouted over his shoulder as he headed purposefully for the path that led across the mountain through a small forest. Here he had his peace and could finally concentrate on the essentials again. He had to pull himself together. It just couldn’t go on like that. He couldn’t go on with things that just weren’t feasible.

Leisurely Daniel jogged around a small bend behind which Noriaki Kasai, who was already on the way back from his jog, appeared. The two athletes greeted each other and each ran on their way.

He had to keep his distance from Domen. It was that simple. At some point his feelings would have to notice that, and then he could live in peace and quiet.

Daniel was so absorbed in his thoughts that he didn’t even notice that another runner appeared behind him, approaching him slowly. It didn’t take long for the newcomer to be hot on Daniel’s heels.

"Slightly lame today, huh?" Nimbly, Domen turned round so he could keep an eye on his interlocutor.

"What did I do to deserve that?" Daniel grumbled softly into his nonexistent beard as he noticed who was running beside him. "Butterprincess." he called Domen, intending to get rid of him as quickly as he had appeared. After all, Daniel couldn’t resist looking at his running style with concern. One root and Domen and his head would make a closer acquaintance with the ground than the Slovenian had ever contemplated.

"Slowcoach.” Domen answered, immediately wanting to bite off his tongue. That had been the most creative counterattack he’d ever given, the Slovenian diagnosed, annoyed with himself.

"The butter’s still heavy in your stomach, eh?", Daniel couldn’t resist to goading him on a little further. "But seriously: turn around again. You can’t watch that. "

Domens expression darkened a little and took on a strangely determined look. When he just thought of butter, he wanted to crawl right into a vat full of it. And why did everyone want to dictate what he had to do or not do?  
"Why? You're the one with the impaired mobility and the built-in root-finding radar." he hinted at their encounter in the forest last night.

"Listen, I'm sure your coach would beg to differ." Daniel tried again, although he would’ve preferred to leave the Slovenian.

"Too bad that he's not here right now." Never before Daniel had heard something so dripping with irony that it could literally be wrung out.

"That isn’t funny! Are you really that keen to mess up the tournament now?” Daniel asked him, upset, and stopped.

"Hey! Don’t stop! It isn’t funny that way!” Domen stopped too, much to Daniel’s relief. It certainly wouldn’t be easy to explain Goran why his star was lying in the middle of the forest with a lacerated wound. The Slovenian coach would explode and dispatch both of them.

"Just leave me alone, okay? Do your nonsense somewhere else." Daniel told Domen, before he just kept running. Distance, he reminded himself. This shouldn’t be his problem. He shouldn’t even waste a thought about that, if you took it precisely.

But before he could finish his thoughts, Domen reappeared at his side. It was harder to get rid of him than a swarm of angry wasps.

"And if I don’t disappear? After all, there is uh... let me think... yes, exactly NO other way that I could choose to jog. And your pace is nice. For a lame duck, this isn’t bad at all, and I want to save my energy anyway.” Domen teased further. He liked teasing the Norwegian. He thought it was almost as good as winning.

"Okay, then what can I do to make you disappear? Should I tell you how great you are? That you’ll surely win? What, Domen, would make you leave me in peace?” Daniel wanted to know, and was annoyed that the Slovenian had managed to tempt him so much and to  
break his patience. And although the day had started off so well, it seemed to be going downhill. And the big question, which as always went unanswered, was: why him? What had he done in a previous life that justified so much torture?

Domen frowned at him from his side. The Slovenian wasn’t expecting such outrage from the ever-casual Daniel-André Tande. Domen couldn’t shake the feeling that Daniel urgently needed an outlet for his anger, which he had dammed up inside for some reason. Just like him, having felt his own personal hell this morning.

“Race. You and me. To the fork. If you win, then I'll leave.” demanded the Prevc offshoot with all his serenity.

"I'll wreck you.” was all Daniel said.  
Domen grinned. It was time to show the Norwegian who had the upper hand. "We’ll see, Grandpa."

Daniel, who had barely noticed the answer, began to pick up his pace without warning, which Domen noticed too late.

"Hey! No! Jump start! That's unfair!” He shouted after the Norwegian, who simply ignored him and began to run doggedly. He had to get rid of the Slovenian. He couldn’t continue like this.

The younger man stubbornly locked on his target and struggled to pull closer to the Norwegian's back, inch by inch. He felt the hard ground under his feet, the stinging in his side, but could only thinking of defeating the Norwegian.

Daniel, feeling his opponent breathing down his neck, trying to squeeze the last drops of energy out of himself. This time he didn’t want to begrudge the Slovenian the victory. He had already lost in more than one way because of him. Maybe it was time to get something of his normal life back. Domen had said it himself: after that, he would leave him alone. That was exactly what Daniel was aiming for.

For the last time, Domen increased his pace to get past his opponent. Domen took the last bit out of himself, as if he was running for his life and reached the goal only a few milliseconds before Daniel.

Breathing heavily, both dropped to their knees and gasped for air.

"Not bad for your age," Domen gasped generously and euphorically before looking up at Daniel, who was standing there, also with his arms on his knees, looking forward and wondering for the second time that day why he deserved all this. But this time, for whatever reason, with a smile on his face.

"Not bad, for a Butterprincess." Daniel said dryly, and to his surprise, Domen began to laugh. Daniel straightened up, wondering. Maybe the younger one had fallen on his head at some point in the last few days and suffered some damage?

"Not bad, for a slowcoach. Are you better now?" Daniel opened his eyes in surprise. "How-…?" "It was as plain as the nose on your face. But seriously: good run.” Domen praised Daniel patronizingly with a roguish grin and held out his hand to Daniel. It overwhelmed Daniel somehow and for few seconds he was only able to stare at the Slovenian’s hand. As if paralyzed, the Norwegian had no choice but to straighten himself up and grab it. And immediately fell into Domen’s eyes, into a moss-green forest floor that innocently returned his gaze. Without any ulterior motive. The world seemed to have stopped spinning for a moment and crackling silence arose between the two of them as they shook hands. And don’t solve each other, just sunk in the moment. Each in his own way.

"There you are!"

As though struck by lightning, they jumped apart and, having been caught in the act, faced an annoyed Peter, who looked at them suspiciously. Because Peter noticed their red faces and was sure that he just missed something. What kind of nonsense had his brother done this time, Peter asked himself.

"Hey, yes... just… back. Um… I was… back… on my way, I mean" Domen stammered, running quickly towards his brother, whom he unhesitatingly grabbed by the arm and dragged back without a glance or a word.

Daniel instead, still frozen in the same spot, began to realize the full extent of what he had almost done. At that moment as it seemed to get better. Domen had somehow managed to rid him of his deep-seated rage. But now... was he crazy? He grabbed his hair. He had certainly betrayed that. Probably. It was all over. Maybe. Nobody could be so stupid to not notice how he felt and if Peter hadn’t realized it, then certainly Domen. Or not? As fast as he moved away… It couldn’t mean anything else. Possibly. Shit!

He had to do something. Somehow just make it all okay again. Finally he had messed it up. Now he had to fix it. Maybe he could have a word with Domen? Explain everything. Ask him to shut up? Shit. In the best, but most unlikely case, he hadn’t noticed. But how was he to find out without talking to him about it? Desperately, Daniel buried his face in his hands and pulled at his hair.


	5. Domen - Oberstdorf - Day of qualification

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go again :) 
> 
> Thank you all for the klicks, kudos and the comment :) I am really happy about it! And thanks to silverstarswept for helping me with the translation! 
> 
> Pain - Shut your mouth  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4pTm__bF84U

Domen dragged Peter resolutely out of the forest back into the jumper’s accommodation. Just to get away from Daniel as fast as possible, he couldn’t understand what Peter had to moan about.

"What have you done now? You should prepare yourself and not vanish into thin air.” Peter complained angrily. He had better things to do than keep running after his brother.

"I’ve prepared myself! I was jogging to keep warm.” Domen explained, deeply reluctant to do so. He didn’t follow his brother’s every step (regardless of the fact that he wouldn’t want to and probably just couldn’t do so, because he’d probably fall into a coma after just five minutes due to the deadly boredom his brother called his life), so why did his brother do so?

"That didn’t look like jogging." Peter remarked snidely.

"For one, short moment in my life, I’ve taken the liberty of talking to someone. How terrible! I know. May lightning strike and punish me.” Domen groaned theatrically, trying with all his might to suppress the urge to hide from Daniel somewhere. He couldn’t shake the feeling that he had just been caught holding hands with Daniel by Peter. There was absolutely nothing there! They shook hands, damn it! Only his own reaction had somehow spoken a different language, and he didn’t want to know what Daniel thought about him now. He had been like a deer caught in headlights when Peter arrived.

His opponents should perceive him as equal and not as a small child who’s crying because someone stole his lollipop! But that's exactly what Peter conveyed to him through his appearance. His brother made it uncomfortable just with his presence, and he began to question everything about his behavior. There had been nothing at all. They had talked without teasing each other for the first time. Well, at least they had done that for the last two minutes.

"Don’t get abusive towards me right now." Peter said in a tone that drove Domen up the wall. "Yes, I forgot Peter the Almighty can’t take criticism." Domen said, frustrated, as he started walking faster, hoping to finally escape Peter's verbal claws.

"That’s rich, coming from you." It escaped quietly from Peter. Unfortunately, not quiet enough, because Domen stopped and turned around to his older brother with flaming eyes. If looks could kill, then the older Slovenian would probably be ash on the ground now.

"What’s your problem with me? Since I joined the team, you’ve nagged at me. You know everything better. And you just can’t resist exposing me to everyone else! Could it be that you can’t handle the fact that your good-for-nothing little brother is better than you?" Domen blurted out loud for the first time. He had never dared to utter these thoughts, but secretly they had been gnawing at him for weeks.

"What?!" Speechless, Peter stared at his younger brother. 

"I train as hard as you, maybe even harder!" Domen began to enumerate. "I haven’t done anything in the last few years but devote myself to sports because I wanted to be as good as you! And now when I'm the one who’s successful, I just can’t-"

"I just want to help you!"

"Really? Maybe you need to look the meaning of that word up, because something must have gone horribly wrong!” Domen crossed his arms defiantly. He’d done absolutely nothing that would’ve made someone doubt at his athletic ambitions. On the contrary, he devoted most of his youth to sports! While others went to parties and enjoyed themselves with girls at his age, he had spent his time in the training rooms or on the hill. And he had never let himself stray from his goals. He had worked bitterly for his success! Alone! And now Peter used every opportunity to make sure that he felt bad when he spoke to someone without thinking of sport for a few minutes!

"You know what? I'm so tired of being bullied by you all the time." Peter threw his arms up in annoyance. He simply didn’t understand his brother. He would’ve been happy when he joined the team if someone had told him how things worked.

"Then at least we agree on one point." Domen snapped and went on, blind to the outside world. So he nearly knocked down Thiessen, who was approaching to them.

"Not so fast, young man." he laughed to Domen, visibly thrilled to catch them together. From his distance he had already seen that the two brothers had argued violently with each other. So Thiessen sensed his next big story.

"Peter, nice to see you! Were you giving your little brother some more tips?” He wanted to know and studied each of their reactions with a hawk’s eyes. A few of the VIP guests looked curiously over to them, because they had become aware of them by Thiessen's loud voice.

Domen sighed. How he hated this posturing! How he would like to leave his brother now! But then there would be unnecessary rumors, that neither Goran nor the Association would approve of. After all, their image also included sponsorship contracts that emphasized the importance of impeccable appearance. But he wouldn’t give up without a fight. Not this time.

"Actually, Mr. Thiessen, we were talking about Peter's jumps right now. I try to help him with a few trifles.” He said before his brother could answer, grinned at him and frantically put his arm around Peter. He saw clearly how his eyes narrowed and his jaws began to malfunction as he looked at him from the side.

"At least we're discussing a few things," Peter said reluctantly. He knew he now had to grin and bear it.

"I see: Prevc family sticking together and supporting each other," Thiessen grinned at them. But his smile didn’t reach his ice-grey eyes, which they watched warily. Unobtrusively, the first onlookers came closer to them and followed their words attentively.   
"Yes, you can count on that. Everyone appreciates a helping hand." Peter affirmed, emphasizing the last part of his sentence and looking directly into Domen's eyes with his grin that he had reserved specifically for such occasions.

"That's true, especially if the jumps aren’t working.” Domen nodded eagerly and didn’t let Peter, whose facial features hardened noticeably, off the hook. This round definitely went to him, Domen thought.

"Then I don’t want to disturb you. You probably have to go right now.” Thiessen said goodbye, left the two and ran after the next jumper. At leaving Thiessen vowed to keep an eye on the Prevc brothers. He was sure that this could soon become a story of greater importance, but they would tell him nothing if he pressed them too hard. His years of experience had taught him that.

"Stupid-"

"Domen!" Peter stopped his brother saying what he was thinking with a warning look at his surroundings. They were back in the jumper’s accomodation, and the walls literally had ears there. In addition, now a group of visitors dared to approach.

"The Prevc brothers, no, what a pleasure for us!" An elderly lady shouted rapturously in a snow-pink snow coat, and you could see that she would love to pinch their cheeks like their grandma always did.

"Last preparations before the jump? Did you listen to your brother? After all, he knows how to do it." Said the man who stood next to the pink woman and patted Domen patronizingly on his shoulder as if he were his father.

The others, who were standing around the pair of brothers, eyed them curiously but didn’t have the courage to respond to them. Domen felt like an exotic animal in the zoo that were examine. Only the banana was missing, to lure the brothers a little closer to them.

"Where is your other brother? A photo with you three, that would be great! Or Manfred?" They looked at the boys with pleading eyes and the two siblings knew that they couldn’t escape.

"Well, Cene is already up on the hill and be next and we haven’t much time left too." Peter politely tried to dismiss them and took a few steps forward.

"Of course. Anyway, maybe a photo with you two? We’ll take it fast." The woman wasn’t easy to shake off and her shiny eyes made it difficult to comply her request. Especially as more and more people gathered around, watching them, waiting, and also whipping their mobile phones out.

"Okay, one photo. Fast.” Peter finally indulged her, as he moved next to his brother with his false photo smile. Distressed, Domen tried to maintained the maximum safe distance.   
"It has to be so nice to travel around as brothers and sisters." whispered another woman in her thirties, who enthusiastically shot one photo at a time with her smartphone.

"You have no idea." Domen muttered and got Peter's elbow in the side. After that, they signed a few more autographs, each at a different corner of the little crowd, before saying goodbye to their fans.

Silently, they walked with a safety distance of four meters to each other to the container of the Slovenians. "Did that necessarily have to be?" Peter asked as he closed the door behind him.

"I don’t know what you mean," the younger boy blocked his brother out and began to gather his things.

"You know exactly what I mean. Thiessen is a shark who rips into anyone who provides him a clue. And I'm sure he's already picked up our scent." Peter told him, as if Domen didn’t know that himself.

"For real?! Well, then, it's good that I didn’t tell him about my last meeting of Frustrated Younger Siblings Anonymous" Domen answered calmly, slamming his backpack onto the table to get his gear out.

"You know what? I’ve had enough! You won’t get any help from me any more!" Peter interrupted, a nervous wreck while he squeezed himself into his jumpsuit and shoes.

"I never for any." Domen reminded his brother as he began to tug on the zipper of his backpack. Something had got stuck there and it just didn’t open.

"But Goran" -

"Then tell him with your otherwise splendidly working voice that you're not in the mood for the babysitter job anymore! It can’t be that hard!" Domen grunted without paying any attention to his brother. He had other problems now. He set the backpack, which refused to give in, on the floor, stood on the side with his foot, and pulled at the zipper with all his strength.

That shit! What was it made of? Steel!?

"What are you doing? You know you get in trouble when yo- "

"Peter! Take care of your own shit! After all, your jumps aren’t what they used to be so I think there’s certainly enough for you to do even without me." Domen interrupted him again and closed in for the kill, with the result that Peter froze visibly. Without a word, the older Prevc pulled on his jacket and disappeared. Of course, without the slammed door one would expect. Perfect Peter wouldn’t even do that when he was angry, Domen thought with frustration. 

"Arrrrrghhhh!" He shouted into the silent room, pulling on the backpack with a powerful jerk that, of course, didn’t solve the problem. His gloves had become hopelessly jammed and he was better off not pulling them out. He didn’t believe that these were particularly tear-resistant. He looked around until he found a pair of scissors. He was a bundle of nerves, and now he just wanted to get his things out of the backpack. He didn’t care about the rest.

Like a madman, he began to work on his backpack with the scissors, which were otherwise intended for their suits, and cut out the zipper. Unfortunately, the fabric also seemed to be made of concrete, so it looked less a cut and more like a scissor fight. Domen took out all his anger on his backpack. It stung him that Peter always managed to embarrass him! As if the other jumpers hadn’t already noticed enough! Sure, it was funny to them, but it rubbed Domen up the wrong way. Nobody took him seriously! Again, Daniel came up to his mind.

He felt that strange feeling gnawing at him again that he owed only to Peter. They had done nothing forbidden in the forest! He was allowed to chat, even without completing any training sessions.

"That was just amazing! I mean, have you- ", the door opened and his brother Cene, followed closely by Jernej and Anže, entered the room in a good mood. When he saw Domen, who was stabbing his backpack repeatedly like an insane man, Cene stopped and the others stumbled into him. "- seen that?" He finished his sentence, slightly upset.

"Why are you killing your backpack?" Jernej skeptically analyzed the scene in front of him. "Violence isn’t a solution, that's what we've already talked about ...", Anže also made his  
contribution, with his anxious tone that made him sound like a rather intrusive psychologist.

"Everything okay?" Cene asked, as he knew his younger brother quite well and had a clue who might have put Domen in that mood. He only hoped that Peter wasn’t buried somewhere in the forest.

"Everything is great. Why shouldn’t it be?!” Domen replied, just as he finally managed to lever his glove carefully out of the zipper with the scissors.  
Triumphantly he held it up and uttered a loud "Ha!". He hrew the scraps of cloth that had  
once been part of his backpack,into the trash before he even realized that there wasn’t much time left before he had to go.

"Yeah, how did I even question it? You're just like a madman with really sharp scissors, stabbing your backpack... you’re right. Everything has to be okay.” Cene replied, as if it was the most normal thing in the world.

"Listen, I don’t have time for this right now. They aren’t even waiting for me with the competition.” he said goodbye, hurriedly tucked his backpack’s corpse under his arm so nothing would drop out, and rushed out of the Slovenian quarters, of course not without letting the door crash behind him. He certainly wasn’t Peter.   
He pulled his hood over his face, put on his helmet and his goggles, in order to isolate himself a little bit from his surroundings. He wasn’t allowed to be distracted by anything now. His jump was all that mattered now. He had to lock away all his anger, and he should really hurry now. Today he was late, even by his own standards.

Domen got into the elevator, which slowly brought him upstairs. Impatiently, he thumped his hand against the wall. After an age, the elevator stopped, and the Slovenian hurried into the lounge. There he didn’t even see Daniel, who would jump right before him.

Quickly he stripped off his jacket, tied his shoes, and checked his suit one last time before grabbing his skis and running outside.

Domen joined Daniel, who didn’t even seem to register his arrival. Concentrated, he kept his head down, his eyes hidden behind his goggles. One last time, the Norwegian knocked on his thighs before sliding onto the beam.

Domen used the time he had to wait to mentally focus on his jump. He just had to fade everything out and calm down, which wasn’t easy for him at the moment.

Reflexively he narrowed his eyes behind his goggles as he slipped on the beam. He looked at Goran, who would give him the signal. Finally he was allowed to be in the air again. Could forget everything around him. There was silence, no one who told him what he had to do, and how, and why. Everything here was under his control.

The Slovenian coach lowered the flag and Domen let go. He felt his speed pick up, his body resisting the pressure. With all his pent-up energy, he catapulted himself from the jump-off and felt the wind tugging at him. It felt different than usual. He had to work more. Not that he could say exactly what was different, but he knew it soon after he landed. He screwed up today.

He tried to keep his face and waited for his score in the run-off. He wouldn’t do no anyone the favor and show his disappointment. Only the 8th place, the scoreboard said. He shrugged demonstratively and waved into the camera.

On the bench next to the leader box he left his skis and hurried to the monitor to get an overview. After only a few seconds, he realized that the wind hadn’t had any appreciable influence. But why-?

"Not that bad." Stefan Kraft patted him on the shoulder, as he stood next to him and began to study the results as well.

"Thanks." he replied shortly, unable to shake the feeling that his voice sounded somehow buttery. Quickly he turned away and began to peel off his suit, while he could feel the curious eyes of the cameras, which were focused on him and caught each of his reactions.   
"Tomorrow will be better.” Andreas Kofler ran past him, with this compassionate encouraging look for him, which he couldn’t deal with right now.

"Sure, why not." he shouted after the Austrian, sounding much more confident than he felt. He absolutely had to go to Goran and ask what had gone wrong. If this happened to him again tomorrow...

Deep in thought, he didn’t realize that Daniel had sat down next to him, leaning the winner's check against the bench.

"Congratulations." he turned to the Norwegian after a moment. Daniel just stared at him as if he didn’t know what he should say out of pity.

"Thanks." Daniel managed to say uncertainly, and was somewhat surprised by the normal reaction of the Slovenian. It had cost him a lot of effort to sit next to him, in public. But then he thought that perhaps the best strategy was simply to wait and see how the young Prevc would react to his closeness. After all, he didn’t trust the Slovenian to stage a scene in the middle of all the cameras, but at least he had hoped for a revealing reaction he had more or less received. "Your jump was... uh-" Daniel searched for the right words, glad that the conversation moved on to supposedly safe terrain.

"Average, I think is the word you're looking for," Domen helped him straight away and stuffed his wedges in his scraps of cloth, which had now been brought down by one of the  
caregivers again. The Norwegian was just like everyone else. He was acting as if Domen would began to cry every moment.

"Listen, um ..." Daniel looked uncertainly at the younger one. How the hell was he supposed to find out how much Domen knew without betraying himself? Daniel just wanted to be sure, otherwise he wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight.

"Alright. Tomorrow, the world will look different, blah blah blah. Just save it, I’ve already heard it all. Now I have to be careful not to slip on all the pity that's lying everywhere.” He grumbled softly as he put on his normal shoes. "And then Peter with his constant allegations!"

"Allegations?! Peter would never- uh... I mean, what- "Daniel stammered, weak at the knees because of Domen’s statement. What the hell did Peter say? Did he know something?

"Naturally! Not the perfect Peter!" Frustrated Domen tried to stuff his shoes into his bag, which wasn’t so easy without the zipper, although with a big gaping hole. "Just forget it!" Domen simply left Daniel, throwing his backpack carelessly over his shoulder, and ran back to the jumper’s camp passing the masses.

He ignored the fans, who called for him. Usually he enjoyed the basking in the crowd and all the attention, but today he wanted to know nothing of it. First he had to find out what had gone wrong with his jump. 

When he pushed open the container door, he was greeted by a jumble of people. Nobody seemed to pay much attention to him. He threw his backpack carelessly in the corner and sat next to Jurij, who was packing his bag.

"Where is Goran?" Domen wanted to know.

"Packing together. Meeting is in the hotel today. We should hurry up a bit so that we don’t get stuck in a traffic jam.” Jurij informed him shortly.

Domen took off his suit and put on his sweatpants while the container slowly emptied. Until he was the only one left. He put his cell phone in his jacket pocket and threw a last glance into his backpack. He had his wedges, his glasses, his shoe, his helmet, his gloves-

Stop. A shoe?!? 

Once again, he rummaged through his backpack. Yes, the singular had been right. Shit! Where the hell was the other one?! "No! No! No! Shit!"

"Domen! Are you coming? Everyone is just waiting for you! "Anže opened the door.

"Um… One moment. I just have to-", Domen looked around. Where could he have dropped it? The others' belongings were already gone, so it should be easy to find it. There weren’t so many hiding places in this room.

"Not one moment. Goran wants to do the evaluation before the meal." groaned his counterpart, annoyed. He had no desire to suffer his coach’s bad mood again, just because his roommate once again didn’t haul his ass.

"Then tell him I'm going with the technicians." he hissed as he glanced under the benches. Nothing. But he hadn’t had his backpack anywhere else?! And he’d just jumped. Distracted, he walked round in circles.

"If you say so." Anže muttered, leaving Domen alone in his panic.

He had spare shoes, but he doubted that Goran would be reassured by that news. After all, the material area was highly competitive, and the jump boots were not excluded there. For example, Manuel Fettner made quite a secret of his. And he also had to ask Goran for a new backpack

Crap! The backpack! He must have lost it somewhere on the way! Without hesitating, he sprinted outside and looked around, after he quickly told the technicians that they had to take him to the hotel. He visualised himself walking. After that, he ran through every damn square he had walked. He didn’t see his white-and-red jump-shoe anywhere, and so slowly he fell into sheer panic.

"Hey! Butterprincess! " He was called from somewhere. 

"Don’t call me that!" Domen hissed absentmindedly and continued to X-ray every millimeter of the road in front of him. Goran would kill him if he didn’t find his shoe. The whole camp seemed empty. Occasionally you still saw technicians running around, the last television cameras were stowed away and voices still drifted over from the direction of the Norwegian and German team rooms.

"Forgive me, oh wondrous beauty, but it seems to me you have lost something in your flight." joked Daniel weakly, not forgetting the irony of the whole thing, waving Domen's jump shoe in the air.

Confused, Domen looked up and saw what the Norwegian was holding in his hand. Relieved, he ran up to him and came to a stop in his tracks. In the expectation that Daniel would give him his shoe, he stood in front of him, but nothing happened. Daniel just stared at him.

"What? Shall I kiss you now or will I even get it back without that ?" He broke the silence and turned his eyes away from the Norwegian, who was uncomfortably close. As if he gave something a push.

For a brief, painful moment, he unsettled Daniel with his question. "Oh, Butterprincess, a simple 'thank you' would be enough for me," he said in a husky voice and a lopsided sneer. Domen, who felt uncomfortable in this position, couldn’t believe that Daniel had caught him on the wrong foot again. He definitely should have stayed in bed this morning.

"Then, thank you, Slowpoke. See you!" He grabbed his shoe from Daniel's hand and left him without another word.

Daniel looked longingly after the younger man, who hurried around the corner as if the devil were personally after him. Then he had second thoughts and went back to the Norwegian accommodation.

Both escaped the observer, who had followed the events between them from a distance in the shelter of darkness and, with his new knowledge, quietly withdrew between the containers of the jumper’s accommodation.


	6. Daniel - Oberstdorf - Day of competition

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the long period without uploading new stuff. At the moment there are so many things I have to deal with. And somehow, my proofreader was lost to me... So here is the new chapter, but the uncorrected version. I know, it is a catastrophy. As I said: English isn't my native language and school is long ago... But maybe someone of you is interested in helping me? If not, I will see if it makes sense to upload any longer. It's exhausting to read a story full of mistakes. I don't like that too. But well, we'll see.  
> I hope the plot is understandable. Feel free to ask and correcting me. 
> 
> zaara
> 
> Stellastar - Sweet troubled soul  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=34eUoe0eE3I

"One last question, Daniel: You had health problems in the summer and now are you one of the favorites to win the Four Hills Tournament. Did you expect this before? ", The reporter from the German television questioned him.

Today the tournament would start officially. Like every year in the morning before the first competition would start, there were the last press events. Daniel had already visited some interview stations of different TV channels. This was his penultimate station, before he would have to go to Anders Jacobsen, who would interview him in his new role as a TV expert on Norwegian television.

"Of course, I always hoped it would turn out that way. I already had the feeling that the jumps after the injury were at a high level, but of course you never know it exactly until the season has started. That's why I'm pretty happy with my performance so far. We'll see where this leads me, "Daniel finished with satisfaction.

"Then thank you for being with us and good luck with the tournament", the reporter said goodbye and the camera lights switched off.

Daniel stepped out into the hallway and searched after the room of the Norwegian TV station. The hotel had specially closed off the convention center in order to spare the athletes the necessity of running around. However, the corridors were so winding, that most of the jumpers would’ve found a small map to be quite useful.

In the hallway he repeatedly met Kamil Stoch, who was about to disappear in the room in front of him, but stopped briefly when he noticed Daniel. "So we meet again. Are you through now? ", The Pole friendly wanted to know and you clearly could see that he longed for the end of the press marathon.

And it was the same to Daniel. Not that he didn’t like being the focus of attention when it came to sports, but after the third or fourth interview, it was getting boring for him, too. "The world is just a village. Just one more. And you?"

"Only one more, too. Maybe next time we should do it like the Slovenians. They spare themselfs all the stress, "the Pole remarked with a laugh, before knocking on the next door and entering the room, where he was warmly welcomed.

Daniel also had noticed, that there was no trace of the Slovenians. Although they were known for not to be too eager for interviews. But it was unusual for them, tat no one was here. He wondered, what they were doing again.

To be exact, he had spent a whole shitty, almost sleepless night thinking about what was going on in the minds of the Slovenians. Especially in those of the two Prevc brothers. He was 95 percent sure that neither Domen nor Peter knew anything. He even catched Peter at the breakfast buffet this morning, but hardly received a reaction from him. And at the mumbled "morning" of Peter Daniel couldn’t really found something strange.

And just as he was about to knock on the door, behind which, according to his information, Anders Jacobsen was to be found, it was torn open from the inside. Opposite him stood a man in his fifties with a half-bald head and a proper belly.

"Daniel, I'm glad, you made it," Anders shouted from the inside above the man's shoulder, who looked at him curiously through his thick horn-rimmed glasses. Obviously pleased to see him.

"Mr. Tande, "the man nodded. Daniel was sure he should know him. He was undoubtedly a reporter, as his passport told him, sticking out of his coat pocket, but he just couldn’t assign him.

"Mr ... uhm… Excuse me. What's your name? ", He smiled apologetically at the man in front of him.

"Thiessen. Paul Thiessen from RTV Slovenija, "he introduced himself and handed him the hand that seized Daniel. "Maybe you'll come by someday and we'll get to know each other better."

"I'm glad t meet you," Daniel answered and pushed past Thiessen into the room, ignoring the offer. Somehow he had the strange feeling that one kept better distance from Thiessen. He had a weird charisma, Daniel thought.

Somehow wrong.

"The same to you. Just like the many female fans who gathered downstairs. A really impressive amount of female admirers, I’m entranced to say"remarked Thiessen casually and looked out of the window. Down in the parking lot, a whole bunch of fans had actually gathering, shouting good-humoredly after their idols, with their cell phones ready to take a pictures. "Or is there already a beloved in your life?" Thiessen asked, watching him out of attentive eyes, whom surely didn’t escape much. His eyes told Daniel, that the question after a potential existing girlfriend wasn’t so random, as it appear.

"I don’t want to give any information about that", Daniel dismissed the question and felt more and more uncomfortable. He had heard that question many times before, but never had he felt that the answer really mattered. Usually this was part of the small talk, he always smiled briefly and said that he was happy. After this they always talked about the more important things: the sport.

"Oh well, that will not go any further," the reporter winked conspiratorially to him and Daniel wondered if the number had ever worked. 

"Come on, Thiessen. Let the boy off the hook. By the way, he's here to answer my questions, "Anders rescued Daniel and showed Thiessen politely but determinedly the way out of the room.

"Right. I always forget that. Sorry, occupational disease. I will not detain you any longer. See you, "he said reluctantly and disappeared out of the room.

"He’s a queer card," Daniel stared after Thiessen, relieved that he was rid of him. He wondered if his paranoia perhaps just overreacted. After the last days, that would be no wonder. He should stop suspecting ghosts behind every corner. That would drive him completely crazy one day.

"I would take care. As harmless as he looks, he isn’t. He pokes his nose in wherever he has no business, "Anders said as he closed the door.

"Thanks for warning," Daniel replied and sat down at the table. Nevertheless, he believed that he overreacted easily. It wasn’t like it’s written on his forehead that he was gay. Thiessen couldn’t know anything. Nobody could. As long as he pulled himself together.

"Okay, let's get down to business, I could imagine, that you want finally your peace after this," Anders grinned knowingly and interrupted Daniel in his everlasting fight with himself. They had always understood each other well.

The camera was turned on and Daniel was warmly welcomed for the hundredth time today. The glass of water in front of him, he ignored. He had drunk so much that morning that now he felt like a living water barrel.

"Daniel, after the difficult summer you had: How do you rate the season so far?" started Anders the interview with the first question.

"Yes, great. What should I say? Actually, it couldn’t have gone better. It's just great until now, "he replied, and in the background he heard growing shrieks. Apparently the girls outside were just rewarded for their tenacity.

"Great was also your jump yesterday. You won the qualification. Your training jumps were strong too. Could you say that you like the hill here in Oberstdorf? ", Anders leaned over, interested and really curious.

"Well, that's a hill I've jumped many times before. I feel like I know it. The the profile of the hill is a bit more old fashioned than the others. I feel the difference when I jump. You have a little more power. But if I have a good day, I'll jump well on all kinds of hills, "Daniel told his counterpart, who nodded affirmatively. Those were the questions that Daniel liked. With those he could work. Satisfied, he leaned back in his chair.

"Do you think you can cope with Domen?", Anders wanted to know and Daniel tensed up. As always, when the talks came to him. Then he was overcome with the feeling that the whole world could guess what he felt for him, if they just looked more exact at him or heard him closely when he talked about him. As if he were an open book for everyone. And Thiessen's questions about his never-existing girlfriend finished him off, just like the events of the last days. He wondered, why Thiessen question him about girls. There were so much more interesting topics He was a sportsman... Why he chose the girls? No, he couldn’t know it, Daniel reminded himself before he tried to concentrate at the interview again.

"Of course, I hope so. As an athlete, you always want to be at the top. And of course I try to beat him. But he really jumped very well in the past few weeks, so it's going to be tough. But I think Stoch and Kraft will be strong too. It will definitely become tough today, "Daniel tried to distract the conversation from the Slovenian as inconspicuously as possible. After yesterday, he and his emotional world could really take a bit of peace and distance. Even if the latter seemed to be a long way off, because at the latest in the afternoon he would see him again.

"That it will be without a doubt. But let's come back to Domen again. He really looks completely different in the air. Very flat. Reckless. What do you think: how does he do that? ", Anders leaned a bit further to him and the cameraman aligned his lens directly to him. He was sure that he was in the total view, so that it was possible for everyone to watch each of his movements while he was talking of Domen. Everything was absolutely perfect again ... not.

Daniel cleared his throat nervously before answering. Balancing each word, he struggled to get a neutral countenance. "Um ... I honestly don’t know, but I'm trying to figure it out because it looks really cool and it seems to work well. At least so far. "

"So far this is probably the decisive factor, until yesterday. Domen really had some struggles. One gets the impression that he is weakening a bit, "Anders said in a tone that signaled that he had already written the Slovenian off.

"But I'm sure that Domen will jump better today than yesterday," It slipped out of Daniel unintentionally and the next moment he would have liked to chop off his tongue. That wasn’t helpful!

"We'll wait and see. One thing I think we can already say: It will be exciting today. We thank you for stopping by and wish you good jumps today ", Anders said goodbye to the camera and the lights went out.

Daniel, who, after glancing at the clock, realized, that he really had to go, said goodbye to Anders and ran down the stairs to the entrance hall.

Here already were standing the equipment of the jumpers in each available free corner, which were now successively loaded in the different cars, so that the ski technicians could get to work and later didn’t get into time trouble. The physios, jumper and hotel staff ran wildly between all these bags. It looked like they would participate at an obstacle course.  
Daniel and the others of the Norwegian team would spend a bit of time in the local gym until the practice jump in the afternoon. Therefore, Daniel needed his sports bag, which he had given the friendly brunette receptionist this morning.

"There he is, our high-flyer," the other Anders called across the lobby as he spotted Daniel on his way to the reception.

"Anders! Where are the others? "Daniel asked him with a frown. He was reluctant to be alone with Anders. He was afraid that he would continue their conversation where they left off yesterday. You couldn’t blow smoke Anders Fannemel so fast and Daniel simply didn’t know how close Anders was to the truth.

"They are enjoying the fan hype," Anders grinned, pointing in the direction of the glass door. And indeed, there stood the rest of their team, gave autographs and took photos with happy screaming fans.

"Wow, the whole uprising just because of us", shaking his head, Daniel ran past Anders to the reception.

"What do you mean? Just because of us?! After all we are the conquerors of the skies and by the way we’re pretty good-looking guys. I think you really can’t blame the girls, "commented the Norwegian patronizingly and absolutely convinced of himself with a grin that was only limited by his ears. Abrupt he grabbed Daniel by the arm and stopped him from continuing his way.

"Well, it's not like we are... uhm... no idea ... Christiano Ronaldo or someone like that," Daniel justified himself. They were just ski jumpers. Normal guys of next door.

"Hey, if ski jumping was easy then it would be called football, but it isn't easy. And It's cool to godown well at the girls. You have to admit that, "Anders simply shrugged his shoulders and pulled Daniel to the exit.

"No, wait, I have to get my bag. Hey- um what are you doing? ", Daniel wanted to argue, but Anders simply ignored him.

"It's about time that you get in contact with the opposite sex, or you'll end up as a eunuch," he said, pulling him mercilessly behind him.

"I already told you, that-"

“Nuts! A little practice never hurts, "Anders opened the front doors of the hotel and pushed Daniel outside. Immediately they were surrounded by a crowd of girls staring at Daniel as if he were the Messiah himself. From everywhere they called his name and dragged at him.

Daniel, who normally enjoyed the mingle with the crowd, was speechless for a moment. Then he couldn’t help but grin at the colorful crowd in front of him. He autographed diligently in the next few minutes and had himself photographed countless times with the girls. Somehow he still was Anders grateful. After all, it was also the fans who spurred them on the hill and made the sport possible, the way they knew it.

Some of the girls had the name of their favorite written on the cheeks (his name was especially common reading) or Norwegian flags painted in the face. He found it a privilege to be adored and didn’t want to disappoint his fans, who had been waiting for him for hours. So he accepted some compliments, continued to shake hands and even got a ski rabbit made of plush dressed in a Norwegian sweater as a lucky charm.

But also a few fans of the other nations were there. Especially, he noticed a bunch of young girls standing aloof from him, dressed in slovenian flags and who were holding a poster. "We love Domen the king of the air" was written on it. But of the Slovenians was nothing to see. Not that the fact bothered Daniel greatly. It was better for Domen if he just focused on the sport.

"Hey, Daniel, I wish you good luck today," a blonde girl shyly wished him.

"Thanks," Daniel replied, seeing her blush as he took her hand. When he let go, he had a piece of paper in his hand and the girl in front of him disappeared as quickly as she had suddenly stood in front of him.

Helpless, Daniel stared at the note and pouched it. He would read it later. At the same moment someone patted him the shoulder. It was Anders who showed him with a thumbs-up his satisfaction. He would probably not get rid of him today and Anders would certainly bug him the whole day because of the letter.

Daniel decided to go back to the hotel and finally get his things, so he could return to the sport. For now, he had had enough attention.

But when he turned around, one of the Slovenian fangirls stood in front of him, looking at him with gleaming eyes. In her hand she held a letter, which was decorated with plenty of little hearts. On the letter was written "For Domen". 

"Um, I was wondering ... so… maybe you ... I mean ..." she stuttered embarrassed and looked at the floor.

It didn’t take long for Daniel to know what she wanted from him. She was pretty, the Norwegian had to admit and swallowed. He didn’t really want to be the delivery boy of the love letter. A thousand questions whirled through his mind: What would the Slovenian do with the letter? Would he perhaps answer? To respond to her infatuation? And like the girl looked like, she had a good chances. Which was absolutely frustrating and unfair.

"I supposed, I should give it to Domen?" He asked lightly absent, staring at the letter as if it could explode at any moment.

"Please?", She brought timidly over her lips, giving him a hangdog look and held out the letter to him, which caught Daniels view. He didn’t even want to touch the paper. Domen should focus on the sport. Finally, the tour began. The Slovenian couldn’t need distraction.

"Sure, we'll pass it on, or, Daniel? It isn’t a problem, "Anders intervened as Daniel didn’t respond and accepted the letter that Daniel would most like to light. "Domen will be happy for sure."

"Sure," he agreed tonelessly and turned away to go back to the hotel. His mood had dropped to an arctic level within the last second.

"What was that supposed?" Anders caught up with him, who had noticed his strange behavior.

"I don’t know what you mean," Daniel growled, heading for the front desk where his bag was stowed. He needed it now.

"Why did you look at her like you wish her the plague?" Anders didn’t let up.

"I haven’t," Daniel denied and impatiently ring the bell as he couldn’t discover anyone at the reception. He really didn’t have!

"Sure, you have. I just don’t know why?", Anders stood by his side and looked at him curiously.

"That's what you imagined," Daniel stubbornly resisted and rang again. "Where are they?", Daniel asked searching for the staff. As if he would knew the girl well enough to wish her the plague. But it looked differently with Anders.

"Certainly not. Are you jealous? "Anders asked undeterred, knowing that Daniel was probably going to wish him to hell.

"Nuts! Why should I? ", Daniel vehemently contradicted and ran to a door, behind which he suspected the staff room. A few minutes ago he had seen a lot of hotel staff. Where the devil were they all gone? Slowly he became impatient.

"Because of Domen? After all, the letter is for him, "wagged Anders with this stupid thing in front of his face. Where were the shredders, if you just needed one?

"Why should I be jealous of that?" Daniel asked, giving the letter another evil eye and forgetting for the moment that he wanted to knock on the door in front of him.

"No idea, maybe you thought that's for you ... Hey! You liked her by yourself! "Anders exclaimed enthusiastically. "But you realized, that she's at least ten years younger than you, right?" He chuckled.

"Anders, I don’t like her! Could we check off the topic now? "Daniel asked annoyed and remembered that he had to find someone who could give him his bag. Slightly louder than intended, he pounded on the door.

"Mr. Tande, what can I do for you?", The brunette receptionist put out her head shortly afterwards.

"I left my bag here a few hours ago," he said and didn’t need to explain anything more.

"Sure. One moment, please!, "She winked at him coquettishly and disappeared into a small room next to the reception.

"She would be something for you", it sounded behind him and Daniel had to take a deep breath to stop himself from yelling at Anders. What was wrong with him? 

"Once again: You fantasize something that isn't even excisting, Anders! ", Daniel threw his arms helplessly in the air. He was at his wit’s end. He had no idea how he could get rid off Anders again.

"Then you wouldn’t mind if Domen would answer her?" Anders grinned.

"Because of me he could marry her," he snarled dismissively. Just the idea caused goose bumps on him.

"All right," Anders muttered as the receptionist returned with his bag.

"Here we have it," she beamed at him from her brown eyes. "Can I do anything else for you?"

"No, thanks," Daniel refused sharply. Great, now he already wreaked his bad mood at the staff. He wasn’t really like that kind of person. Normally. Therefore, he added: "But nice of you to ask," before he finally turned away. With Anders on his heels. His physical presence alone increased his anger. He was sure, that Anders wouldn’t dropped the subject for a long time.

"You know what? I'll prove it! Give me the letter! I'll take him straight to Domen, "Daniel finally said after a moment of tense silence to Anders. 

"Okay, if you really want to," Anders grinned, handing the letter with the thousand hearts on it over to Daniel the letter. Anders had won. Without Daniel recognized it. 

"I would die to do it," Daniel took the letter with pointed fingers and marched purposefully towards the lifts. The Slovenians lived somewhere on the fourth floor, he knew that.   
And he would certainly find the right room, he just had to ask someone.

That was absolutely ridiculous! He would just give this stupid letter to Domen now and then focus on the sport again. He didn’t even know why his feelings made a lot of fuss over it. Only if he thought about it, he already had an idea of what was driving him around. But he knew, that his weakness for Domen wouldn’t be successful, so he could accept it right away and not just in a few weeks. It would save him from pain. "Jealousy! Stupid! Of this little girl! Seriously, Tande?! This is the bottom line, "he grumbled quietly to himself in the elevator.

When the elevator doors opened, he stormed out into the corridor and looked around. Everything was quiet on his left. He couldn’t make out a living being except for the palm tree in the corridor. To the right of him, however, several doors were wide open, and he heard lively conversations.

He stopped at the first open door and knocked. The jump suits, which caught his eye in the entrance area, told him that he couldn’t be that wrong here. "Hello?"

"Just come in, it's open!" Someone exclaimed. As Daniel looked around the corner, Jernej Damjan looked up to him surprised. "Daniel, hey! What’s up?"

"Hey, sorry, didn’t want to bother you. Do you know in which room Domen is in? I have to give him something, "he explained briefly to the older Slovenian.

Jernej didn’t seem to find that strange. "You aren’t bothering. It’s room 409. Just knock. He's probably going to pack his things as well."

"Thanks," Daniel said goodbye and walked on to room 409. From inside, a voice came out that sounded a bit harsh. It almost seemed like Domen would be late again.  
A smile crept into Daniel's face as he stared at the door, imagining Domen inside rushing frantically, cursing everything as time progressed relentlessly.

Then, again, he remembered the letter in his hand. He briefly toyed with the idea of simply throwing the letter in the trash. Then it would be as if the letter never had existed. But the girl didn’t deserve that. Probably she'd spent hours sitting at her desk, pondering on what to write to Domen.

He himself knew just too well how difficult it was to handle feelings you couldn’t tell anyone. At least he should not take her away that chance. He wasn’t entitled to that, and he wasn’t the person who did that. He didn’t want to be.

So he stood here, in front of Domens door with a love letter in his hand, which was not his, and yet his heart, this treacherous thing, knocked him to the neck.

He closed his eyes and knocked. He waited tensely while the silence enveloped him loudly. Then the door opened a crack and Domen stuck his head out. "WHAT?! ... Oh, Daniel. "  
"You look a bit stressed, Butterprincess. Once again lost your shoe? "Daniel greeted him.

"Haha. Funny. For real. Did you want something else? I don’t have much time to play your victim right now, "hissed Domen feeling offended. His eyes flashed furiously and a slight blush covered his cheeks, which Daniel found simply enchanting.

"Just relax, Butterprincess ... I just wanted to give you something," Daniel tried to remember at the reason for his visit. However, he kept the letter still hidden behind his back.  
"If possible today? I'm a bit late, "Domen urged and looked at him impatiently.

"Er ... yes," Daniel shook his head. He had to pull himself together now! He acted a bit like this girl with the letter in his hand. Worse, he began to feel the same way. It was not even his! "This," he said and let the letter dangle in front of Domen's face.

"For me?! Did you make that extra for me?! That's so cute! "Domen exclaimed, looking at Daniel as if he was nuts.

"What? No! I would never ... I mean, why should I write you a letter? "The Norwegian exclaimed in a tone, as if Domen had caught him in the act.

"That was a joke! So what's that?! ", Domen explained dumbfounded stares alternating between the object in Daniel's hand and Daniel back and forth.

"A letter," replied Daniel, in the face of this stupid question, busy recovering from his shock. 

"No way! I would never have guessed that! I mean, what should I do with it? ", Domen specified his question.

"Read?! No idea. I just promised to give it to you, "Daniel replied, holding the letter right in front of his face. Domen should finally take it, so that he finally would got rid of it and would no longer looked like a girl in love. It was impossible that he could hide his burning cheeks longer from Domen. He totally knew it: Domen would recognize it every second.   
"Thank you for that. Arrived. "Domen reluctantly took the letter, looked him over for a moment, before he dumped it in the wastebasket beside the door.

"Hey! What are you doing? ", Indignantly Daniel jostled through the door and retrieving the letter from the wastepaper basket.

"I have neither the time nor the desire to read the girl's stupid infatuation. They all just write the same thing, "said the Slovenian contemptuously, while he turned away from Daniel and grabbed his bag on. “You could keep the letter if you want, I don’t care."

"It is not for me, but for you. At least be a little thankful, "Daniel threw back the letter on Domens bag, wondering at the same time, why the hell he took the girl's part. Shouldn’t he be glad that Domen particularly didn’t seem interested in his female fans?

"Why? Because they like my apperiance? Because they compared our horoscopes that fit together perfectly? Seriously? The only thing counting for me is the sport ", the Slovenian clarified and faced Daniel, his jump shoes in his hand, which he tried to stow in a tattered backpack.

"Even if you may not be aware of this, it takes a lot of guts to give your heart out to a stranger. I mean, look at the letter, it probably took her hours to decorate it with these horrible hearts. Don’t be that cold and read it. Your fans deserve a little respect, even if you think it’s ridiculous! ", Daniel told him his view. He was a little surprised by Domens attitude. Sure, he had never been the big autographist on the hill, but at least Daniel had always had the impression, that Domen had enjoyed the feeling if the girls had screamed his name to get a photo. At the same time, he couldn’t prevent that Domens lack of interest takes a load off his mind. 

"Okay! If it makes you happy, put it on the table, then I'll read it later... Maybe, "He said, rolling his eyes.

Satisfied, Daniel wanted to put the letter on the table as he noticed the chaos. Empty and half-empty bottles stood between half-dried mandarin shells, lined with some candy paper. The whole thing was garnished with a pair of socks, a mobile phone charging cable that snaked elegantly across the table, and two laptops that, half-opened. "That isn’t better than the trash bin, Butterprincess."

"The genius rules the chaos," Domen answered and disappeared in the bathroom. When he returned, he had his jump helmet and glasses in his hand. What are these things doing in the bathroom, Daniel asked himself looking stunned through the room. Hurricane Katrina had definitely raged here a few minutes ago. One shoe on the bedside cabinet, clothes everywhere at the ground, a scarf hanging at the lamp and absolutely everywhere jumpingsuits.

"What happened to your backpack, Butterprincess?" Daniel wanted to know interested, while he watched Domen as he tried to stuff his helmet into his backpack. Unfortunately without success. Sighing, Daniel laid the letter on one of the beds, overcame the distance to the younger and held the backpack, so Domen could stow his things better. Thereby they came each other much closer than Daniel wanted.

"Anti-aggression therapy?" Domen answered in a strangely raucous voice and looked Daniel in the eyes.

"Who was the real victim?" Daniel laughed and thought that Domen were just incredibly cute, the way he faced him with that apologetic smile. At that moment, he just forgot everything around him and let himself be carried away by this strange crackling atmosphere.

"You don’t want to know that, Slowcoach," Domen croaked and straightened up slowly. Didn’t take his eyes off each other for a moment. Silence spread over them. They were captured by the moment and not able to move.

Not before it knocked impatiently at the door, they were forcibly torn from their trance.

"Um ... sorry ... I ... yes. The door ... "Embarrassed, Domen hurried past Daniel. "What?!", Domen wanted to know, as he opened the door.

"Not what! Do you never look at the clock?! We have to go! "Urged Cene to hurry, who had just disturbed them in time.

"Already there," Domen replied, coming back and grabbing his bag while Cene disappeared down the hall.

"Then um ... thank you for your ... uhm- I mean- the letter", Domen quickly said goodbye and left Daniel standing in the corridor. Paralyzed, Daniel gazed after the Slovenian. He couldn’t believe, that he has brought himself twice in such an stupid and dangerous situation within few days. 

Would he never learn it?


	7. Domen - Oberstdorf - Day of competition

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Metric - Help I'm alive  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZoK63Bk7pgw
> 
> Still no beta-reader, so hope you could enjoy reading. Thank you for the kudos!

"We don’t paddle, we jump. So stop doing this exaggerated arm movement when jumping off. It makes you too restless in the air, then you have to correct and you lose height. Understood? "Goran asked, looking at Domen. They sat in a small adjoining room of the gym, where they were preparing for the competition. They were just about to analyze his jumps from yesterday one last time.

"Aye, sir!" saluted Domen in the face of the commanding tone of his coach, who only shake his head. He have never come across such a stubborn person in his whole career. Domen actually took the cake.

"If you only would listen well in all things. If you are late next time, then we'll go without you, "threatened the Slovenian head coach whose patience had been put to the test one more time earlier today.

"Gotcha," Domen grinned. He knew that would never happen. His coach frowned his brows, considering about that his hilarity. He had to keep an eye on the boy and make sure he didn’t completely lose ground under his feet. He understood that it wasn’t always easy for him. He had noticed the tense relationship between the brothers, after all he wasn’t stupid. However, he wasn’t sure if he should really get involved. Cause these quarrels so far had no impact on the team.

"Sure, you’ve got it. And I braid myself a plait every morning. Nevertheless boy: Don’t worry too much. You're only 17. Let's take it easy, "Goran tried to reduce the pressure on the younger one, who seemed to be eaten away by ambition. Somehow, he had to get his mentee to relax a little bit more. Just like he was at the beginning of the season.

Domen's facial traits darkened. "I still don’t know how ski jumping correlates with my age. I always thought it was about the jumps. That's how you can be wrong, "he growled insulted. It was always the same!

"Sure it's about the jumps. But you- "continued Goran to explain to his athlete what he meant, but was interrupted.

"Then everything fits and we can leave my age out there. After all, that isn’t responsible for my jumps, " finished Domen the statement of his coach prematurely and sat in front of him, his arms crossed, staring defiantly. "What matters are the technique and the training that I'm going to go to now."

"You won’t," Goran announced.

"Of course I will", Domen stunned contradicted. Since when Goran wanted him to avoid training?! He had to train! The jumps had showed that well enough yesterday. He wanted to clear his mind of all this weird jumble. But that wouldn’t work if he sat in a corner and philosophize about the meaning of life. Apart from the fact that his meaning of life was clearly the sport. He didn’t have to think about it. He already knew this.

"No, you won’t! You are too tense! You burn off all your energy in your workouts. The tournament isn’t a sprint. It’s a marathon. You have to conserve your energy, " The coach said firmly and ran his hand impatiently over his head. A sure sign that you shouldn’t provoke him further.

"I'm in top shape! I'm seventeen. I am able to celebrate three days in a row and would still be able to access top jumps on the fourth day, "the younger boy decidedly resisted.  
"Oh, I thought we should keep your age out of this?" grinned Goran at his protege with a raised eyebrow. That was probably what you called a classic own goal.  
"But-" Domen started angrily. He didn’t like it to be forced into a corner like that.

“Now listen: The last time I checked my accreditation, I was still the head coach and not you. No arguments anymore. Your impulsiveness is a hanging matter. Especially if you transfer your behavior to your jumps every time. You have to get that under control! That's why I say: No training today, except to warm up. Instead, you'll be working intensivly with Andrej, "he announced, watching a heavy storm began to develop over Domens head.

"Mental training?! Nobody needs that! ", Appalled, he stared at his coach and couldn’t believe that he did this to him. Goran knew for sure that he rather would prefer if someone break him every single bone! Mental training was torture!

"How was that with your backpack?" Goran asked with interest.

"My gloves got stuck," Domen said without blushing. That he maybe had exaggerated a bit in the relief operation was no one's business.

"Funny. According to eyewitness reports, it was the purest massacre, "Goran replied dryly.

"That's overexaggerated!" Lousy traitors. Whoever had told tales about him, would get the shock of his life. Now he have to spend the morning sipping herbal tea, while listening to some stupid kind of mindless drivel. And he wouldn't even talk about this terrible joss sticks, which smothered everyone, instead of inspiring someone’s spirit.

"It's a bargain! You can’t solve everything by force, neither on the hill nor in real life, and that's my last word, Domen. I have other things to do today than listen to your howling. Anyways, we're now already late, because of you. So: mental training with Andrej. Now! ", ended Goran their conversation merciless.

Howling? He didn’t howl! He just wanted to clarify his point. He needed to practice! After all, that was the basis of his success, which was sabotaged by his so-called coach just now. "Okay. You'll see what happens next, "Domen grumbled, while leaving the small back room angrily and storming across the gym, past his teammates, all busy with their workouts while he was on his way to his tea class, inclusive brainwashing. Probably Andrej would’ve canonized him until the afternoon.

Furious, he burst into the room of Andrej, who expected him with a friendly smile, that Domen would have liked to hit him from the face. Andrej should rather hurry with his mumbo jumbo. He still wanted into weight room afterwards. He didn’t care what Goran said. He had to come down and dispel his thoughts.

Something was different since Daniel had been with him this morning. He couldn’t name it and it exhausted him, that he couldn’t place it. Instead, he still saw Daniel. The way he had looked at him. It had been like the Norwegian had examined him in detail with his dark green eyes. And he didn’t even want to think about that weird thing, he had felt when they had bent over his backpack. That was so ridiculous! Surely, he was only nervous thanks to the tournament, but that was a far cry from saying, that he needed a therapy.

Annoyed, he repressed this image. He didn't let himself be impressed by this ... this Norwegian! He didn’t even know why he should be! Probably the Norwegian simply reminded him that things were soon getting straight down to the nitty-gritty. After all, he was one of Daniels toughest competitors.

"Domen! Nice that you have found the way to me once again! ", Andrej greeted him friendly. He was a thirty-five-year-old mental coach and had been joining their team two years ago. He carried out his job with a passion that many could only admire. He stood with heart and soul for what he did. He was never upset.

But Domen just thought he was exhausting. He didn’t like this whole psycho-rubbish. During the summer, he and the team had taken part in some sessions, all of which he receive quite useless. He just didn’t get the point of arms, which should get heavy or what should be useful, on slowing down his breath. He felt both were counterproductive in the jump itself. It would make more sense to feel light and get more oxygen into the body to improve its performance. But after all, he was just a layman who didn’t know much about jumping.

"Andrej," Domen answered shortly and looked impatiently at the mental coach. "Just tell me what to do. Then we can both go our own way again. Separated."

"Not so impatient, young man. After all, we're not on the run, "Andrej laughed at his own joke, pointing to a chair where Domen reluctantly dropped. He watched Andrej as he began to lower the blinds and afterwards to light the two candles on his desk. Then he sat down behind his desk, adjusting his glasses and threwing the long plaid scarf over his shoulders, again.

"You already know the procedure. Close your eyes and concentrate. Get yourself a comfortable sitting position. Find the peace in you. Let go all of your feelings. I am totally calm. Concentrate on these words. Let them become your mantra. I'm totally calm, "Andrej began in his rhythmic smoky voice and closed his eyes.

Domen, who didn’t feel well in this torture chair, reluctantly did what Andrey demanded of him and closed his eyes. The silence surrounded him. Immediately he was overcome by inner unrest. He started to shift in his chair and couldn’t get rid the thought, that this was pure nonsense. He looked up in frustration. He could use his time so much better. His jumps had been anything but perfect yesterday. He would just feel better now, if he could exercise.

"Domen just let go. Stop, to resist the silence. It will help you, "Andrej interrupted his grudges, staring at him from his left open eye. He felt the uneasiness of the young man with every fiber.

"Maybe at dying," he grumbled softly.

"What did you say?" Asked Andrej, who had heard only a vague murmur.

"Nothing," Domen closed his eyes and Andrej began his mantra again. I am calm. I am very calm. Shortly his counterpart really would be quiet, if he would stuff the candles in Andrejs mouth, the young Slovenian thought bitterly. He really didn’t know how that should help. Well, maybe he was able to lull his opponents in the future. But where was the fun in that? After all, they should see him win fairly.

But maybe he could sedate Peter with this shit. A sleeping Peter meant no nagging Peter. Domen liked the thought so much that he didn’t even notice how he quietly started giggling, imagining that Peter was falling asleep sitting at the table, with his face down into the soup.

"Domen!", Andrej frowned at him. "You should concentrate."

"Listen Andrej, it can be that your strange uhm ... I mean your methods, can help one of the other guys, but that’s not for me. Really no offense, "Domen tried his luck. Sometimes saying something right out, spared you a lot of trouble and time. He wanted to go to the weight room, now.

"My methods have been developed to help athletes coming down and put themselves into a state of inner relaxation, Domen. A condition, which has often been missed at you lately, "Andrej replied relentlessly, looking at him through his glasses.

"They are wrong. For real. I'm absolutely relaxed, "Domen assured, leaning casually back in his chair.

"But that isn’t the way you look like. You cann’t even sit still for five minutes and concentrate, Domen. Right now, you're as relaxed as a hamster nibbling a power cable, "the mental coach diagnosed, staring sternly at his patient. It wasn’t easy to fool him.

"I just need exercise. That's what relaxes me, not that weird psycho jabbering, "Domen replied, realizing that he wouldn’t be able to convince Andrej that everything was alright. "That just makes me aggressive."

"And that's your problem. You let your feelings determine you. But you can’t always be hell-bent on getting your own way. It blocks you and you lose the feeling for the essentials. For the flight and the jump ", tried Andrej to explain, because Domen was the skepticism writ large in his face. It was never easy for the mental coach, if the athletes doubted him and his methods. Then an effective work was hardly possible.

"But I don’t want to oversleep the take-off, just because I’m in a state of vigilant coma.” Domen replied unreasonably. He didn’t need rest. He needed strength.

"That has nothing to do with a vigilant coma! Really! You just have to learn how to set yourself in a state of ease of mind. Even or especially in stressful situations. This way you can better access your full performance potential, " Andrej said, tearing his hair. Annoyed, he got up and walked up and down in front of him.

For an alleged master of deep relaxation, he didn’t look very convincing at the moment. Okay, it wasn’t the first conversation of that kind that they had. Even in the summer, he regularly attracted negativ attention because of his inability to get involved in this hocus-pocus.

"Okay then-"

"Let's just stop it. Great suggestion, "Domen slid off his chair and headed for the door.

"Not so fast. We're trying something different, "Andrej called the young Slovenian back, giving him a stern look.

Eyerolling, Domen came back. With his arms folded and his foot tapping impatiently, Domen stopped in front of his hopefully soon-to-be ex-mental coach. Andrej should notice, that he didn’t give a shit on his methods. He don’t need them.

"Seriously? Somehow, I would have considered you adult and more ambitious. But if you always give up so quickly, " Disinterested, Andrej ditched the young Slovenian and sat down at his desk before he started rummaging in some files.

Just before exploding, Domen stared his coach into the ground, who showed little impressed. How could Andrej dare to claim that he had no ambition? He hadn’t achieved his success through meditation. And even not in a romper suit! What did this would-be doctor presume to do?! "I never give up!"

"Prove it," Andrej demanded without looking up from his documents. So he could hide his grin, that had slipped on his face. 

"What should I do?" Domen demanded. Determined to prove himself.

"If you retire, I mean, if you need to rest. Where are you going? "Andrej asked.

"No idea. My room. If we are on the road, I walk through the forest. I go jog. Let the sun shine in my face. Mostly, however, I end up in the weightroom, "Domen answered truthfully. For some reason, Daniel came to his mind, whom he quickly pushed aside. That guy had nothing to do with relaxation. Rather with tension and voltage discharge, if they had an argument again.

"Forest. We can work with that. Then your first task will be to watch the forest today, "Andrej grinned at Domen, who lost the control of his features.

"Okay.... I watch the forest. You know for sure that I do not want to be a ranger? "Domen just had to ask. He simply didn’t see the value behind. But if Andrej really wanted that, he would watch the forest from the weight room. And everyone would be happy. Andrej hadn’t said that he wasn’t allowed to do anything else besides.

"What you should do there is called visualization. Sit down somewhere and memorize the place where you find relaxation and serenity. The air, the sounds and colors of that place. Everything that attracts your attention. In the next session, you will got this task. To picture it in your mind again. Then we will start with the autogenic training, "he explained and began to rummage in his drawer.

"If it's nothing else. Then I watch the forest. No problem, "Domen said and was about to leave when Andrej called him back one last time and came towards him with a strange looking black bracelet. Even before Domen realized it, it was suddenly around his wrist.

"What are you doing?!"

"You know that. Trust, but verify. This little gem, I normally use for team coachings in the mountains, will tell me, that you admire the forest in nature. And not from the weight room through a pane of glass or something else. Besides, it tells me if you're physically exhausted during your observations or sitting in the sun and relax, "Andrej announced with a thousand-watt grin as Dom'ens facial features threatened to derail again.

"This is a violation of my privacy," Domen protested, trying to figure out how to get rid of the bracelet.

"Then it's good thing, that you aren’t traveling privately. Besides, you didn’t intend to do anything else, than watch the forest, right? And so I can see if it really relaxes you and is useable for our purposes. "Andrej grinned innocently at him and Domen knew he had lost.

"Sure," he growled reluctantly. "How long do I have to go through this?"

"Well, I think an hour for the beginning. And with that bright sunshine outside, I really do you a favor by the way. It's not that bad, isn’t it? ", Chummy he patted on his back and steer Domen out of his makeshift office.

"Great," Domen mumbled and abscond. He had enough of Andrej. What was he imagining?! Now he really had to sit around all afternoon and lunch while the others trained. He needed the training!

Gloomy, Domen stepped out into the sunlight and forced his way towards the forest. He trudged along the path that would take him directly to his imposed destination.   
Frustrated, he kicked a few stones away. He met some people who looked at him, as if he were an elephant, who had spontaneously appeared here in the Allgäu Alps. Didn’t they have anything better to do?

In front of him the trees were getting higher, which had seemed so small a few minutes ago. Here he was. The forest that should help him with his alleged problem. And from which much more people streamed outside, who were just too good-humored. Sure: the weather was nice, a thin layer of snow covered the trees and the forest floor and there was nothing to hear except the chirping of birds. It was just too harmonious out here. Disgusting!

Domen sat down a little apart from the path on a bench. It stood directly in front of the forest entrance and protected him from prying eyes by a large fir tree. Sighing, he continued to look around. There was nothing exciting here! How was he supposed to spend the next lesson here without going crazy?! He just wasn’t the type, who relaxed in the sun with nothing to do! At the moment, he would rather have read this stupid fan letter from the girl, Daniel had brought him.

He wondered why Daniel had even bothered. It had been important to him, he had noticed that, becuase of the way he had been indignant when he had fished the letter out of the garbage. Somehow Daniel just seemed to belong to those people who were always friendly and considerate. After all, he had already experienced it a few times firsthand. Daniel had brought back his shoe.

"Hey! No you psycho! Leave the snow where it is! "-

"What? Are you afraid of a little water? "

Loud cries came to Domen, who looked around to find out where the voices came from. He got up and walked around the thick tree trunk, which had provided him the necessary protection. Domen discovered two men, who faced each other. Ten meters away from him. One of them hid a snowball behind his back and the other held his hands up defensively.

"I warn you! That will have consequences, Jay, "shouted the man, whose appearance reminded Domen somehow of Santa Claus. He wore a long red coat, a matching red beanie with a white pompom, and black boots. 

The other man in the black overcoat, Jay, as Domen had heard, didn’t seem to be deterred by his plan. Step by step he approached his counterpart, who moved backwards. "Jay! Come on! You know I'm not that mud man. "

"This is snow, you scaredy cat, and I'm sure it will suit you perfectly," he replied, overcoming the last gap.

Only with difficulty Domen managed to suppress his giggles while he watched the two friends. The Christmas man was screaming the whole forest down, trying to defend himself against his snow shower. Domen thought on Daniel. He really would like to do that with the Norwegian. He would deserve it. Laughing, Domen wanted to turn away, when Jay suddenly pressed his counterpart against a tree, fixing the Christmasmans' arms above his head. A soft whisper reached Domen, which he couldn’t understand. Even the expression of the Christmas man was difficult to see from this distance. A disquieting feeling spread in Domen.

What was that supposed to become? Did Jay want to stab the Christmas man to death? Domens thoughts began to race. What should he do? He didn’t even have his cell phone with him! Terrified, he stood hidden behind his tree and was unable to stir himself even a millimeter or avert his eyes. But what came next set his world on fire. Jay, who towered over the Christmas man by good ten inches, leaned down to his buddy in the red coat and kissed him. The Christmas man pulled up Jay a little closer to him and wrapped his arms around his neck.

Startled Domen turned away. He hadn’t seen that coming. As fast as he could, he made his way back. He behaved as if on the run. He was terribly uncomfortable with what he had seen. He felt like a tensioner. If he had known, what would happen, he had never burst into such an intimate scene. He would have retreated immediately after discovering them.  
The sight of two kissing men confused him. Not that he had objections, but he just didn’t want to see it. And now he just couldn’t got that picture out of his head. He thirsted for a grueling unit in the weight room. The meadows that lined his way flew past him. He didn’t notice anything except his loudly pounding heart.

Breathing heavily, he sat down on a park bench, which stood directly in front of the entrance to the sports center. In that state he couldn’t get back to the others. Peter and Cene would know right away that something was wrong with him. Although he himself was not sure what exactly had him so panic. What should he say? My new horror fantasy involves two kissing men. Run! They come closer?! That was nonsense! After all, they lived in the 21st century. It should be completely normal!

"I am totally calm. I am the calm itself ", he began to his own surprise with the mantra, that had made him so aggressive a few hours ago that he would have liked to start making letter bombs. He sat cross-legged, letting the sun shine on his face, listening to the background noises of birds, cars passing by, and children who squealing happily. His lack of training session really upsets him. Like he said: he was just not the guy, who loved to do nothing. That made him sick! Let him become irrational. "I am totally calm. I am the calm as person. I am-"

"New anti-aggression therapy, butter princess?"

"Damn it! Slowcoach! Don’t scare me like that! ", Domen shouted, who had to hold a hand in front of his face to see Daniel against the sun, after he had flinched violently.  
"Why are you jumpy? Everything okay? "Daniel asked, leaning down to him. Somehow, Domen looked a little pale in the face. But that could also be the cellar tan, which was common to all Prevc's brothers and sisters. Worried, Daniel came pretty close to the Slovenian.

Mesmerized, Domen stared at Daniel. Once again, the images of the two men in the forest appeared in his mind.

"I'm not jumpy!" struggled Domen , crossing his arms and pushing the image away into the darkest corner of his mind.

"Okay, Butterprincess on the park bench, if you say so. But just between the both of us: Your new anti-aggression therapy doesn’t seem to work well, "Daniel winked at him laughingly and stroked his blond hair from the face, which glared golden in the sun.

"I've told you before, that I have other things to do than play your victem!" hissed Domen and pointedly turned his back on Daniel, which wasn’t easy on this cursed park bench. But he just couldn’t bear to look at Daniel at the moment. He had recognized that something was wrong. 

"Don’t get upset, Butterprincess. Remember your mantra that you practiced, "Daniel reminded him with a chuckle. Of course, Daniel had to hear that. The Norwegian always heard that stuf, which was absolutely none of his business.

"Letter bombs aren’t a solution?"

Laughing, Daniel sat down on the bench, right next to him. "The other one, Butterprincess. The other one."

"You aren’t allowed to kill Norwegians?"

"Wow, you have quite a lot. So, what's up? Why aren’t you at the gym? ", Daniel wanted to know and leaned a bit over to the Slovenian.

Stubbornly, Domen held his gaze straight ahead, only too aware that he only had to turn his face a few degrees and Daniel would be able to look him straight in the eye. He just didn’t feel ready for that. Whyever. After all, it was just Daniel next to him. A jumper colleague. They didn’t even know each other very well. He really had to train now. Very urgent. He wouldn’t be able to withstand the urge any longer, and he didn’t care what Goran would say. Fuck the mental training. He had seen what it had brought him. Nothing at all! Would he have just remained in the weight room! Than he would have never seen two guys kissing in the forest.

"Not that it's any of your business, Slowcoach, but I was just on my way there," Domen announced as he stiffened again. Jay and the Christmas man went by at the entrance to the sports center of Oberstdorf. Holding hands.

"Butterprincess? Hey?! What is so fascinating? ", Curious, Daniel turned around. He couldn’t discover anything interesting. There were only two men passing hand in hand at the driveway. Their voices sounded overjoyed.

"Hey," he poked Domen into the page, whose gaze still magically attracted from the driveway. "Do you have to be kissed awake from your trance?" Daniel joked without thinking. What was interesting about two men who-

MOMENT. They were holding hands?!

At the same moment Domen turned to Daniel in surprise. Both stared at each other in shock. As Daniel began to grasp the full extent of this situation, Domen's thoughts collapsed.

Silence spread, and both struggled in their discomfort, unable to take their eyes off each other.

"That ... uh ... was a joke," Daniel finally jerked out and turned away. He had seen enough panic in Domen's eyes.

"Sure ... yes. Um ... haha. Yeah, but then I'll ... um, um. See you at the hill, "Domen stuttered as he climbed clumsy off the bench. He almost got stuck and would have fall, if Daniel hadn’t reacted fast and grabbed his arm.

"Be careful!"

Silently, they stared at each other until Domens brain woke up again and he fled.

He ran through the entrance of the sports center, showing his accreditation to the security guard, and tear open the door. He would train now, no matter what would happen if Goran saw him. He wanted to banish those pictures from his brain. He Didn’t want to think about this surrealistic conversation with the Norwegian any longer. Damn it had been embarrassing! Daniel would probably had admit him to the hospital soon! Why did these two guys had to appear in the forest? And why did the kiss confuse him?

Fortunately, the weight room was empty. It seemed like everyone was playing volleyball in the sports hall. 

Domen started with a few light warm-up exercises. Forward bends, pushups, a bit of dumbbell training. That had been a happy couple, he thought. It doesn't matter, with whom you find your luck. He shouldn’t care. He had nothing to do with them, but he would be the lucky one if one day he would find the same happiness. He had never thought about it, but of course he didn’t always want to be alone.

Groaning, he ventured to the weights. He was just too much charged up. Lack of strength training made him completely crazy. The tournament demanded its first tribute from him. Maybe he had underestimated the hustle and bustle. He thought of today's competition and hoped he would get his jumps back on track. Then he would be relaxed again. He didn’t need mental training. Winning made him relax. And he only achieved that through hard training. Simple equation. Simple solution.

Actually, they shouldn’t train alone with the weights, but he just didn’t care at the moment. But just as he lay down on the bench, of course Peter had to come into the room.  
"What are you doing?!"

"Knitting. What does it look like?! "he huffed as he squeezed up the weight with his legs.

"I thought you should only do warm-up today," Peter watched suspiciously as his younger brother continued with his exercises.

"Less thinking, wouldn’t hurt you."

"And less talking wouldn't hurt you. Concentrate better on not being crushed, "said Peter snappily, watching Domen anxiously and hurrying to his side to intervene immediately in an emergency. He knew his brother. He trained only that stubbornly if something charged him. And he could have bet was crushed by something, but that wasn't the weight at his legs. And although they had argued yesterday, Peter worry bells began to ring.


	8. Daniel - Oberstdorf - Day of competition

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jacob Lee - I just know  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JXNQruYlTlU

Had he betrayed himself? Did Domen know that he was in love with him? Daniel realized with astonishment that nothing was more indifferent to him at the moment. He was stunned. Sadly, he stared into the darkening night sky. The sun was nearing seting and the first stars appeared in the sky. Deliberately, he sucked the clear mountain air into his lungs and was grateful for the moment of silence. Today was such a day that he would have liked to yield. The desperation that had threatened to drag him since noon became stronger and stronger.

Daniel simply couldn’t decide which was better: the certainty that his feelings would remain unanswered, or this constant uncertainty that occasionally planted a new weak germ of hope again and again. At least it was finally bury under a heavy concrete surface now.

Domens reaction to the gay couple had hurt him. The expression of Domens horrified eyes were burned painfully deep into his mind. He was only sure in one thing now: he would like to crawl into his bed, pull the blanket over his head and let his emotions run free.

Instead, the first competition would officially open the tournament in less than half an hour.

Daniel dropped his upper body to stretch his back. Weighed himself back and forth. How gladly he would have let loose his feelings for Domen. Actually, it were nice feelings. So loving and full of warmth. Only with him they weren’t in good hands. For him, they turned into agonizing burden, which threatened to stifle him. But he was sure, if he could only hand them over, in more promising hands, they would make the person the happiest in the world. Just not him.

"Yes, but don’t let that make you nervous. You know you make it. "-

"The same is true for you. Your jumps are such close to a podium finish. "

Cozy, Andreas Wellinger and Markus Eisenbichler jogged past him. They didn’t notice Daniel, because he was absorbed in darkness. So far, his little secret, as far as he could tell, hadn’t made the round. But of course, if Domen already reacted that way, just because he saw a gay couple, then he surely wouldn’t want to be associated with him in any case. Domen's aversion was probably the reason, why Daniel would be able to keep his little secret. It was just so damn unfair!

Longingly, he stared after the two young Germans. Why couldn’t be the tournament his biggest concern?!

Sadly, he stepped out of the undergrowth back onto the forest path. It was time to return to the jumpers accommodation, if he didn’t want his teammates became even more suspicious. Already on the drive to the hill he had felt the questioning looks of Anders. It felt like his mask loosen more and more from his face. He was exhausted. It was exhausting to maintain his little charade day by day. But he wouldn’t be able to escape from the team any longer without really good excuses.

Sighing, he stroked his hair out of his face and ran back. Now wasn’t the time to think about his sad emotional world. Certainly, he had plenty of time tonight. Now he had to focus on the competition. Functioning, turning off his thoughts. Daniel felt infinitely easier, even though he felt strangely empty.

"Master Tande honors us with his presence once again," Andreas shouted through the half of the jumpers accomodation and came running up to him with the soccer ball under his arms. He had obviously just played with the others.

"Andreas! You’re losing again? ", Daniel asked with a wistful smile, which clearly had recognized the relief on the face of his teammate. Andreas had many talents, but football didn’t necessarily belong to his strengths. And it looked like he was losing big-time against Anders and Tom. Once again.

"I really don’t know how you come up with this idea," Andreas argued and the other two began to laugh loudly behind his back.

"Are you kidding me? The Titanic is already buried under sea mud at the bottom of the ocean, if you know what I mean, "Tom described the score in the most dazzling images.  
"It's not that bad," Andreas said indignantly. His teammates overexaggerated as always. 

"Right. It is now three to fifteen for us and you have played against us for only five minutes. At this point of the game before Christmas it was already three to twenty-four. That's a decent record in comparison, "commented Anders, who was quite a number-freak and still remembered the scores fiv weeks ago.

"You're cheating. As always. That’s the reason why I'm loosing. I'm sure you've done something with the soccer ball! "Complained Andreas and turned to Daniel pleadingly. "Really. You have to help me!"

Weakly smiling, Daniel looked at his friends. He loved this undoubtedly. But just now he wasn’t sure if he really was able to bear the company of happy people. His mask weighed heavy on his features and threatened to draw his already hinted grin into the abyss. To get some time, he glanced at his watch as he noticed how the door of the Slovenian container opens in the background.

"I have relaxed! I was almost half dead, that deeply relaxed I was! It’s not my fault, if the bracelet isn't working! ", The lovely but angry voice of Domen Prevc was blown over to them. The Slovenian slammed the door behind him into the lock and had the attention of the whole people around there. At least the North Americans and Japanese also curiously followed the neon green jacket as if there were nothing more interesting in the entire accomodation. But Domen didn’t care.

"Oh, there’s somebody disgruntled," Tom chuckled, staring intently at the youngest Prevc scion, who marched to the team bus of the Slovenians and was obviously looking for something there. A moment later several bags from the car just flew to the ground.

Moodily, Daniel looked at the spectacle, which offered to him. Observed Domen's hectic movements, his slender body leaning far into the car and blindly pulling out everything the Slovenian could grasp. Daniel saw Domen's face right in front of him: his angry moss-green eyes, his slightly flushed cheeks and of course his compressed lips to stop himself from screaming.

"Bet? Peter's coming soon?", Anders tore Daniel back from his thoughts to reality, the same moment as the container door of the Slovenes actually opened again. But to the disappointment of all Cene appeared, who already had his skis on his back and ran to the lift. A disappointed murmur went through the small group.

"At least I'll bet the organizers have reinforced the poor door," Mackenzie countered, moving closer to them.

"I wouldn’t argue with that," Andreas laughed and claped the Canadian on the back.

Laughing, the others stood there, watching as Peter poked his head out of the door. "Domen! Like I said it, look in your backpack! "He shouted to his younger brother, waving a green cap that Domen had lost. Startled, Domen jerked up and poked his head against the frame of the car. Cursing, he turned around, crossing Daniel's gaze.

For an almost imperceptible moment their glances remained wedged together, before Domen turned away, ran into the Slovenian container, testing the stability of the door again.  
That's how it would work now. He would ignore Daniel and avoid him. That did hurt.

"So, what about soccer?" Andreas looked at him expectantly and held the ball in front of his face.

"Nah, I think I quit today," Daniel declined. 

"What? Why? You love that, " Tom looked astonished at his friend.

"Just don’t feel like it today," he grumbled, shrugging his shoulders.

"Is everything ok? You're kind of ... don’t know ... quiet today ... "Andreas asked worriedly.

Quiet? No. Daniel wasn’t quiet. On the contrary. Inwardly he was screaming his lungs out. "Just a little nervous, that's all," Calmly, he smiled at Andreas and turned around. He hoped that Robert and Halvor were already on their way to the hill, so that he would find a moment of peace in the container.

"Daniel! Everything ready before the all-important jump? ", Happily, Halvor welcomed him as Daniel opened the door one moment later. The young Norwegian was waiting for Robert, who was just lacing his shoes.

"Why does everyone want to know that today ?!", Daniel burst with anger, as the door opened again and the rest of the team entered.

"Oh, wow! So if you ask me, your forest training isn’t good for you, "Halvor raised his hands.

"Are we still sticking to the story? I mean, isn’t it time to speak plainly? ", Tom said and Daniel petrified.

"What?"

"Oh, come on! You've been often in the woods lately. Suspiciously often. And either, you’re coming back with a dreamy grin on your face or being in a bad mood like today, " Robert continued, taking his skis off the shelf.

"Aha. And now you're supposing what? "Daniel asked, his voice rising a few octaves. Had Domen said something? But before they wouldn't spoke it out loud, he wouldn’t do them the favor of admitting something. He just wanted that at least something remained as it was. He couldn’t handle even more fundamental changings. Not today. Not after Domen.  
"Oh, come on, we know about your mysterious forest girl," They grinned broadly at him. Except for Anders. Anders even burst out into laughter. Astonished they looked at him.   
But Anders wasn't able to answer, because he was trying to regain his composure.

"Forestgirl?!", Daniel stared perplexed at his friends. He had expected a lot, but forestgirl? Seriously?!

"Why else, should you suddenly have developed such a passion for the Central European Forest? So, what's up? Are the uh ... relationship branches hanging wrong? ", Caring, Andreas stroked his shoulder. His eyes telling everyone that, in the first place, he was just one thing : curious.

For Daniel it all felt rather unreal. "There is no forestgirl," he contradicted and pushed past Halvor and Robert. If only. It would make things so much easier. 

Tom and Andreas also started to undress, somehow managing to keep an eye on him besides.

"Sure and Andreas has an offer from Arsenal, but maybe you’ll tell us later, because we really have to go now", Robert urged and they left Daniel and his objections. As Daniel turned to grab his suit, he noticed the faces of the other three, who were grinning broadly at him.

He knew that he could spare every further word. They thought what they wanted to thought, anyways. He doffed his jogging jacket, as well as the pants and slipped into his jumpsuit. Unusually tense silence spread between them. At least, Daniel felt that way. When he looked up, he noticed the glances, which quickly turned in another direction.  
"Come on! Spill it out now! I see, that you’re suffocating on it otherwise, "Daniel gave in to the spark of annoyance, which hungered for attention. He would listen to it sooner or later anyway. Why shouldn’t he do it now? This wasn’t his day anyways.

"Honestly, I'm a bit disappointed. I mean, we always tell you everything and now you make such a big secret about your forest girl ... It’s really unfair, isn’t it? ", Andreas burst out a second later. 

"I never asked you to do so," Daniel reminded him straightaway as he searched for his shoes under the bench. "Besides, I like to say it again: there is no forest girl."

"Yes. For sure. That's why that slight blush on your cheeks destroys your noble paleness. Am I right? " Tom laughed, putting on his helmet and getting his and Andreas's skis. They would almost jump one after another, just like Daniel and Anders, except that their turn were about ten minutes earlier.

"Shall I make you understand with a dance?!"

"No, please, don’t. You aren’t the best dancer. "-

"And before you accidentally confess us to have a relationship with your cat," Andreas also joined in Tom's laughter as they left the room together in the best of moods.  
"Don’t worry about it. It's okay to like green, "Anders smiled at him as the door slammed shut and Daniel dropped his gloves in shock. Unasked, Domen in his neon-green jacket appeared in his mind.

"Green?!"

"Well, you know. Beautiful powerful bright forest green, "Anders grinned at him while he tied his shoes calmly.

Anders also believed, that he had something going on. He had definitely pulled the jackpot today. Again Domen pushed into his thoughts. He would soon see him again. In the warm-up room. He felt his nerves start to flutter. He hated that the young Slovene had so much power over him.

"Finished?"

No, he would never be ready for that. He breathed deeply. "Let’s go."

Silently, they ran through the jumpers accommodation to the elevator that brought them up to the tower. From here they had an impressive view of the raging crowds in the arena, who cheered loudly on the athletes since the test round had start. The elevator doors opened, and they entered the lounge. Daniel ceded the lead to Anders, which turned out to be a mistake in hindsight. Because he headed straight for the two vacant seats that were directly opposite Domen. In reflex, he grabed Anders by the upper arm.

"What?", Anders turned to him. 

What should he said to Anders in front of everyone else? 

"I um ... get me another water. Do you also want one? " He asked instead.

"Nah, thanks," he declined and sat down. "Domen," Anders nodded to the young Slovenian, who sat motionless in his seat, his face covered with his ski goggles.

"Anders," It came back curtly, before everyone wrapped themselves in silence again. Daniel forbade his eyes to go anywhere near the Slovenian. He devoted every bit of his flighty concentration to the water in front of him as he dropped himself next to Anders. Relieved, Daniel realized that Domen at least didn’t get up to change his places. Did he know it or didn't he?

If a statue would have sat opposite them, it probably have revealed Daniel more about their emotional world. On the other hand, maybe he should finally start to concentrate on his upcoming jump, he thought, just when they’re hearing enthusiastic cheering from below.

"Fits!", Markus Eisenbichler broke through the silence. 

"Great jump!", Anders nodded, too, his eyes fixed on the monitor at the opposite.

"It was just a matter of time until he caught a good one again," agreed Maciej with the Norwegian. Kamil Stoch and Manuel Fettner had obviously perceived the leap from Wellinger as not so bad too. 

Only Domen didn’t show the slightest emotion. It exhausted Daniel to sit opposite the Slovenian. Faraway, but still so close. And who knew what was going on in his head? Did he have to pull himself together to sit opposite Daniel without saying something? Did it cost him much overcoming? Did he even know it? Or was his reaction just so drastic, because he generally disliked gays? And didn't even know about him? It wouldn’t it make it any better , of course. Everything was just too messed up!

What does he do here anyway? In a few minutes he would plunge down a hill, that could have his head, if he wasn’t one hundred percent concentrated. And he rather thought about his never existing love life. He had to get out of here now and finally get his feelings under control. Had to get rid of it. Receive the deafening emptiness with open arms. Or something like that.

"I'll go outside. Enjoying the atmosphere for a while, "he told Anders, who nodded briefly and kept his eyes on Domen.

Outside Daniel breathed in the fresh air. Began his imitation exercises. He emptied his head, stuffing everything, which burdened him, into a small imaginary safe. Applause was blown up to him again. He let his hips circle, stretching his arms and legs again. Maybe someday he'd get over it, he thought, as a loud rumble hit his ears.

It sounded like someone had knocked over a lot of skis. Curious, he went around the corner, where the skis were abutted against the wall. But now they were scattered across the floor. A cursing Mackenzie in the midst of the chaos.

"Crap! ", he scolded desperately. Hecticly he tried to set up some skis again, which promptly fell down on the floor again.

"Wait, I'll help you!", Daniel went to the Canadian, who looked at him gratefully.

"Sorry. Yours were there too, right? Somehow I got stuck with the ends of my skis and now- "

"Now, you have to jump! Go on, go! I'll do this, "Daniel interrupted the canadian, looking at his start number. The Canadian would be next in line in a few minutes, but he had to pass the material control before. If Mackenzie would help him to clean up, he would definitely be late. The Norwegian, however, still had time.

"For sure?"

"Yes, go!," he sent him away and began to put the skis back on the wall.

"I owe you something.” Mackenzie shouted, before disappearing around the next corner. Almost at the same time, the door opened in front of him and Taku Takeuchi and Domen stepped out.

"A little bit of an awkward time to pursue your Mikado passion, don’t you think?" Domens voice sounded behind him.

Surprised, Daniel looked up. That was almost a normal conversation. He deliberately looked up at Domen, who really made it difficult for him to discern any emotion on his face, because he still weard this damn ski goggles. He couldn't see anything else than, Domens mouth, which had twisted into a mocking grin.

He shouldn’t care how Domen thought of him. Hadn’t he propagated a fulfilling emptiness a few minutes ago? He really was beyond help. It made him angry. Domen made him angry with his way of constantly sneaking back into his thoughts.

"Which skis are yours?", Asked Daniel Taku, who stood a bit speechless behind Domen. The Japanese had a slightly different culture of conversation and Domen's directness had often made them embarrassed, even if the Slovene didn’t deliberately provoke it. Courtesy and restraint weren’t necessarily Domen's strengths.

"Um, I jump with skis of Fischer. There should be Japanese characters and a little bird at the top of the skis, "Taku replied, hunkering down next to Daniel and starting to search the skis.

"Wait, here ... that might fit, right?" Daniel pulled out a couple of skis that were buried at the very bottom.

"Yes, thank you. Um, I would help you, but- "

"No problem. Come on. Go, "said the Daniel and looked at Domen, who was struggling getting his skis. Somehow, they seemed to have gotten caught in the railing.

"Honestly, Tande. Immediately after getting your walking disability under control, you should get your plonker gene treated by a doctor, "he pushed out between his teeth. With all his weight Domen braced himself against the railing but nothing moved. His damned skis were stuck in the railing!

"Go aside and don’t curse so much. Instead you should try again with your therapy, because by force, you won’t get your skis out of there, " Daniel grunted, pushing Domen aside. The skis had wedged between the iron bars, the railing itself and the floor. "Or make yourself useful and put some of the other skis back on the wall."

"I am not allowed to kill Norwegians. I am not allowed to kill Norwegians, " Domen started with his mantra. But to Daniels surprise, he actually began picking up the remaining skis from the ground.

Meanwhile, Daniel looked at the dilemma, trying not to let Domen into his thoughts again and began to turn the skis a bit. And by the way he began to pray that Domen's skis wouldn’t break. Jumpers Skis were incredible thin. 

Behind them, the door opened again.

"Welcome at Tandes ski rental. My name is Domen Prevc and I will serve you today ", Domen greeted the newcomers and Daniel could imagine what a strange sight they both offered here.

"I wouldn’t have thought, that you would let yourself order around by Daniel," Anders replied and Daniel heard the broad grin in his voice.

The Norwegian pulled at Domens skis one last time, when they gave way unexpectedly. With a jerk he flew backwards, directly in front of the young Slovene's feet, who was looking down at him with a grin. Now he was sure: Domen didn’t know anything.

"But maybe it's the other way around. Just between the two of us, Domen, I think you have him in your hands. He literally seems to be flying at you... I mean in front of you. I would demand more wages, "Anders chattered happily, while Kamil, Markus and Jarkko could barely stand up with laughter.

"Very funny, Anders," scrambled Daniel up again, pushing the skis into Domen's hand. "And you should hurry a bit," he added brusquely and turned away. He simply couldn’t forget the reaction of the youngest Prevc scion this morning. Would he look at him like that if he knew? So full of horror? With contempt? He couldn’t just ignore that, even though Domen didn’t know anything about him.

"Who is responsible for all this chaos?" The Finn asked curiously as he searched for his skis.

"Mackenzie was a bit over-motivated," Daniel reported, avoiding Anders' watchful eyes. Together they all went to the in-run and fell in silence. Everyone had to concentrate at hisself now.

He went through his jump hundreds of times, recalling what the coach had said after the rehearsal. He watched the others jumped off the hill and heard the audience's response loud and clear. Even the stadium announcer, who was overturned with enthusiasm because of the distances of Kraft and Stoch. So, it would be hard to win today and get a chance of winning the whole tournament. Hopefully Domen will would make a better-

No! He wouldn’t think of him now. Only about his jump. Everything else didn’t matter. He patted at his chest, checked the zippers on the suit, which had to be closed all the way to the top, got into the skis and slid on the beam. Looked at the horizon. Exhaled once more and looked at Alex, who waved him off just then. His eyes fixed on the jump off, Daniel pushed himself off.

His body, which lay like a board in the air, rocked a little back and forth. Exactly as in the trial round, he had missed something at the jumpoff. He hadn't get his body's center of gravity properly over the skis. He had felt that immediately after the first few meters in the air.

Daniel landed at 130 meters. The crowd cheered at him, but he could already hear that it wasn’t the intensity of applause that Kamil and Stefan had get. He slowed his speed and came to a halt next to Ronan, the Frenchman and his duel partner. Politely they shaked their hands when Daniel's result appeared: The ninth place.

He left the arena behind the Frenchman and made his way to the monitor at first to see if he had any chance of advancing. Because under certain circumstances he had maybe buried his chances to win the tournament.

"Cheer up! Nothing is lost for you yet, "Anders popped up at his side when Daniel found his own name on the list. Just behind the one of Domen. Of course, the little one had jumped better again. But it wasn’t hopeless. Only 15 Points to the first rank. Maybe he could manage it with the second jump t come a little closer.

"How was your jump?", Daniel wanted to know, scrolling already in the list. Leastways 128m, Daniel read. Seventeenth place. Satisfied, he turned away.

"Passable, I think. I just like the large hills more, "he shrugged. Together they went to a free bank to put on their jackets quickly and to undress their uncomfortable jump shoes.  
The return to the jumpers accommodation was difficult with the skis, as always. Everywhere people were rushing to and fro to pass on information, to wax skis again or, in the case of the press people, to quickly catch an interview. You always had to watch out, not to hit somebody accidentally.

Just as their containers came into view, Daniel recognized Cene and Domen. Cenes hand was on the shoulder of his younger brother, which Domen shook off annoyed.

"I don’t need your pity!" Daniel heard Domen say, who turned away and past them at top speed without even paying any attention to anyone else. He had put on his goggles again, his protective mask, which made it impossible to guess what his problem was.

Frowning, Daniel gazed after the young Slovenian, who hurriedly disappeared into the wax cabin of the Slovenian Team. 

"Don’t worry, he'll get over it. Next year's a tournament again."

Astonished, Daniel looked at the older Norwegian, who had stopped beside him.

He was so surprised by this statement that he wasn’t even aware that he was in the middle of the jumpers accommodation, conspicuously observing Domen. In front of Anders. Shit. 

"Why should I be worried?" Daniel asked reflexively. "And he's not that far back.”

"Daniel, honestly. You can’t be that blind. I mean, I know yes- "unexpectedly Anders broke off and avoided the look of Daniel. It hadn’t been planned that way.

"What do you know?" -

"Forget it," Anders continued his walk, but didn’t get very far, because Daniel holded him back by grapping his arm.

"What do you know, Anders?", Daniel repeated and stared at his friend. He was fed up with being constantly in the dark. Why should the tournament be over for Domen if he finished as seventh in front of him? Motionless, they faced each other. In the midst of all the chaos around them.

Then Anders looked around and hauled a confused Daniel past the Norwegian container, into the shelter of the forest.

"What are you doing?" Daniel demanded, wondering about his teammate's strange behavior.

Anders inhaled deep. He wasn’t sure if it was really the right time for it, but on the other hand, there was probably never the right one for such a conversation. 

He took a deep breath. "I know it, Daniel."

Anders stared at Daniel, waiting for a reaction. Impatiently, he fidgeted in the silence, that was only interrupted by the distant noises of the outside world and the scream of an owl.

"You know what, exactly?" Daniel managed to say. Busy organizing his inner mess. Busy not to run away. To arm himself for what might come next. 

"Do you really want to keep playing this game, Daniel? For real? You need someone to trust! I've seen what it did to you in the last few weeks. Your cheery patch mask isn’t as flawless as you may think. It's okay with me. It doesn’t change anything. Not for me, "Anders babbled on, and Daniel could do nothing but stare open-mouthed at his friend.

The fear of losing his friend, if he admitted it, the insecure chance of being not alone any longer in the middle of this cruel world, fought in him. 

"Don’t stare at me like that! I won’t call the exorcist. It's okay to like uh- ... neon green. And just don’t get me wrong. I'm not afraid to pronounce that big mysterious G-word, because I could infect me with it. The walls have ears and I think- " babbled Anders awkward. Anders had read a lot about being gay, homophobia and stuff in the last few days, only a guide to such a conversation was unfortunately missing.

"You are really okay with it?", Still uncertain and shaky Daniel looked at Anders. 

"Why should I not? I mean, well, we really have to talk about your taste... neon green is very special. But other than that, I wouldn’t know what should bother me. There are not just sick idiots, you know? "He put his hand reassuringly on Daniel's shoulder. Again Daniel saw the shocked eyes of the Slovenian.

"Alright? Daniel? I said it is okay, or was I vague at some point? Should I dance it? Unlike you, I can do that really well, I- "

"No, it's just ...", Daniel interrupted his friend, hesitatingly he stopped for a moment, but then it spurted out of him. All that had occupied him the whole morning. Anders had guessed that Daniel was carrying a lot of heavy luggage, but that it was that much, he hadn’t guess. He would've liked to scream at Daniel, why he hadn’t said anything to him earlier. They were friends since the first day Daniel joined the team. Nevertheless, Daniel hadn't said anything.

"That's why you acted a little bit strange to him! But seriously: I can’t imagine that, Daniel. Surely, he has many mistakes and I mean really a lot, but homophobia certainly isn’t one of them, "he tried to dispel Daniel's worries.

"How can you be sure? Honestly, you didn’t see him. His horror, he looked like his worst nightmare was coming true, " he tried to make Anders understand.

"Because I saw the way he is looking at you, Daniel. When he thinks he's unobserved. This has nothing to do with contempt or disgust. I think he likes you, too, but you're like two hurricanes that rush into each other inexorably. And then you wonder why everything around you plunges into chaos? ", With an eyebrow raised, Anders stared at Daniel. He saw how the self-doubts ate Daniel up. Right in front of him.

"I don’t know. At the moment I just don’t know anything anymore ", Daniel admitted ruefully. 

"That’s why I am here. Together we will make it. Believe me, that will be great! But now, you’ll better make sure that at least for one of you, the tour hasn’t ended yet, "Anders clapped his hands together, joyfully like a child.

"Why should the tournament have already ended for him? After all, he is a place in front of me? ", Daniel asked. 

"Love is blind. You’re the proof. That's Cene, Daniel. Your forest boy is ranked 26th! ", Anders moaned.

"Oh, Shit." No wonder he had been so pissed off. Worried, he stared at the Slovenian accommodation, when they stepped back together into the light.


	9. Domen - Oberstdorf - Day of competition

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMAX - I come with knives  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nt0MkotVIEc

Cool air blew around his nose. He heard the noises of the crowd. He knew, if he would also mess up this jump up, then it was over. Definitly. He tried to suppress these thoughts, but somehow had these beasts themselfs tacked on his skis with super glue. Impatiently, the next jumper waited beside Domen for his onset. Domen wasn’t fast enough for the next jumper. He strapped on his skis and wanted to climb the beam next to Domen. Impatiently, Domen looked at the trainer's tower, which seemed brightly lit in the darkness.   
Why did it take that much time? He wanted to jump. Fast. But Goran had the wind monitor firmly in view and took himself all the time in the world. He was the calm himself while Domen fidgeted impatiently on the beam.

It felt like an eternity. What if he would fail again? Would he have to go back then? But he didn’t want to. No, that wouldn’t happen in any case. No way. That would become the jump, that go down in history. It just had to be like that.

Finally, Goran lowered his flag and Domen pushed away from the beam. He fixed the jump-off with his eyes as he slowly picked up speed. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Thiessen walking beside the track, frantically, he was taking pictures of him while he shook his head.

"What are you doing, kid? You don’t even belong on a hill. Better leave that to your brother, "he shouted and Domen tried to ignore this idiot. He would prove it! Domen turned his gaze back to the jump-off, which was still at least twenty meters in front of him. He felt like he was freeze. Why was he so slow? It had to go faster, he thought, just as he was driving over the edge. Too late! He had jumped far too late, not to say, he drove over without jumping.

He raised his body up to the sky. He had to save what could still be saved, but the moon, which had just been so close, seemed to move farther and farther away. What did happen here? No!

The slope came inexorably closer. That didn’t work! He was just about to flew above the logo of the Skiclub Oberstdorf below him. He couldn't land already. He started rowing with his arms as if he was a wild bird, trying to stay in the air a little longer with his movements, but his skis seemed to be attracted to the earth like magnets.

Despair spread, taking control. What happened to him? Why did he fall like a stone to the ground? Why were his limbs so heavy? He looked at his shoes. Everything seemed to be okay there.

At that point, he began to lose his balance out of the blue. He was pull around, staggered from one side to the other and fought a crash. Fear spread. What happened here? It didn’t even blow a breeze!

Then his skis tipped forward without warning.

Startled, he flinched as he saw Jay and the Christmas man sitting on his ski tips, kissing each other passionately. Startled, Domen winced. What was that supposed to be? They should stop! Now! 

Outraged, Domen tried to push them with his arms from his ski tips but couldn’t reach them. His arms were too short. Every time he thought he could finally reach them to knock them off, they moved farther into the distance.

"You there! This isn’t the right place to kiss! Go away! This is my life! "Domen shouted indignantly. Almost simultaneously, they turned around to Domen and looked angrily at him.

"Are you afraid of a little bit of water?" They asked him, as something slippery hit him on the shoulder and brought him out of balance again.

"What's that?! ", angrily, he tried to mobilize all his forces to finally get rid of the two troublemakers. But the next moment more bullets hit him, which made him sway dangerous to falter.

"Now stop that! You mess everything up! ", He shouted in panic at the two, who had sucked at each other with their mouths like sticky nudibranchs and further bombed Domen.  
Annoyed he wanted to fend off the projectiles but couldn’t raise his arms properly. That was the moment when he noticed that the projectiles stuck to him, making it unable to move.

He became heavier! Everything became heavier. He didn’t float even ten centimeters above the ground! The K-point was somewhere on the horizon, he had to reach. He tried to free himself from the heaviness, stroked above his arms to get rid of these shit that stuck on him. It felt strange slick soft. Disgusted, he withdrew his hand and looked at his arm. Those were mouths that sucked on him! No, which were kissing him! In panic he looked around. Why doesn't anyone did something?!

Someone had to help him! He peered back at the trainer's tower to signal Goran that he needed help. But Goran wasn’t there anymore. Instead, he looked into the calm face of Andrej, who raised his steaming cup of herbal tea to him. His arms grew heavier, just like the rest of his body. Who the hell had allowed him to be there? Where was Goran, if you needed him?!

Then his skis touched the ground, he landed in the snow on his ass and slid down the long slope. Below, he was loudly welcomed by the spectators. But that was no applause.  
"Take a look at the poor little one!" - "Don’t be sad, next time it’ll definitely work." - "You still jumped great!" - "Where does it hurt? Shall we blow the pain away? "

Furious, Domen looked around the exit. What was that supposed to be? But before he realized what was happening to him, Peter approached him, compassionately looking down on him. "I told you that you’re still too small for a proper competition. Come on, I'll bring you back. " Domen looked up to Peter. Why was his brother suddenly such big?!

"What? Hey! No! Let me down! Peter, I said, you should let me down! You'll regret that! "He scolded as Peter lifted him up. Domen gavet Peter's hair a tug to force him to lift him down again. He could walk by himself, he was already grown up!

"No, Domen! Leave it! That's not nice! ", His brother grabbed his arms and carried him past all the spectators standing by the gang and making baby grimaces.

"Isn’t he cute? Aren’t you a cute little ski jumper? ", A blond woman ripped open her red strawberry mouth and looked at him ecstatically, as he angrily stuck out his tongue. "What kind of a cute little rascal you are!" She giggled excitedly. Domen gave her a death glare, which only made her laugh. Maybe she thought it was cute, too, if he would scratch her eyes out.

Why nobody took him seriously? He was grown up! Then pushed a playpen for babies into his field of vision. It stood in front of their team accommodation. He would not- No, Peter wouldn’t dare! He didn’t want to go in there! He didn’t belong there!

"Woe you put me in there! Don’t you dare! Peter! No! ", He struck wildly with arms and legs around. But Peter wasn’t impressed. He put him in the small playpen, that was at least twice as high as he was. Just like all the other things and people, that stood around him and looked down on him.

Menacingly, they came closer and before he knew what would happen, he had a teddy bear in one hand and a baby bottle in the other hand. Peter held out to him a mobile of winner's cups in front of his face. Greedy, Domen wanted to reach for it, but Peter pulled it away again and again, if he finally was about to get his hands on it.

"If you finally grow up, you maybe win one," Peter stroked his little brother above the head tenderly and left him alone. Domen looked mesmerized at the goblets that dangled so beautifully above his head and glittered in the sun. Totally beyond his reach. 

He really wanted to have one like that. "I want to, I want to, I want to!", He began to scream and felt how tears of fury gathered in his eyes.

"What do you want, Butterprincess?"

Out of nowhere, Daniel's head appeared high above him. His blond hair glistened beautifully in the sun, his eyes were like a green summer meadow in which he would have liked to lay down. Suddenly Domen wasn’t sure what he wanted anymore.

"I- ... I want ..." Domen stammered.

"Do you want to kiss? I want a kiss. Kiss me. " Beside Domen, small lips started running on thin legs to him. They called for him. Panic spread. No! He didn’t want that!

NO!

Domen startled up. His heart pounded loudly against his chest and his breath was fast and shallow. Completely confused, he needed a moment to realize where he was and that he had dreamed.

"Everything alright?" Jurij looked worried at him, sitting next to him in the car.

"Sure," he answered shortly, and Jurij turned back to Jernej, who showed him something on his cell phone. Presumably his wife had sent him another video or photo of his daughter, that he had to show everyone. Whether they wanted it or not.

Domen rested his forehead against the cool glass of the car window, watching the lights pass quickly past them. He pulled his hood down over his face to protect himself from the others.

That had been by far the most disturbing dream he had ever had. He would probably immediately make it into the top ten patients who brought their psychiatrists wet dreams. At least one competition in which he had chances to win without any problems.

But the message, which his subconscious had wanted to communicate to him in a most creatively distorted way, was quite simple: he had messed it up. In record speed. Already after the first jump it was clear that he hadn't the chance to win anymore.

He knew that he had screwed up his jumps all by himself. He had watched the video footage of his jumps together with Goran. Only the paddles in his hand had missed. This time, it was even more visible than in the qualification.

He hadn’t even noticed during jumping that he had developed this arm quirk! He had just wanted to show everyone that he was able to win, despite his age! Just after Daniel sent him away like an annoying toddler. As it seemed, the Norwegian preferred chatting with adults like Anders, Kamil or Jarkko. Jarkko! Ironically! He was even wetter behind the ears th-

"Ears unlocked! We are at the hotel every moment. In half an hour you have managed to clutter your chaos from the rooms in the cars. I want to be in Garmisch on time for dinner. Any questions? "Goran interrupted their talks.

Annoyed, Domen rolled his eyes in the shelter of his hood. What should be vague at this statement?

"Domen, would it kill you to signal me that you understood?" Angrily, the coach looked at him.

"Half an hour, otherwise we’ll feel the consequences of a starving coach," Domen said cheeky, trying to ignore the giggling around him. Only Peter looked at him with a mixture of disapproving and shock. Didn’t they have their own problems?

Warning, Goran looked at him. He could understand that Domen was disappointed, but he better should not go too far.

The team bus slowed down and stopped in front of the hotel. They got out and walked through the lobby under the curious glances of the hotel guests. Here it looked similar, as in the morning. Bags piled everywhere. Obviously, they weren’t the only ones who would drive to Garmisch today.

They huddled in the elevator together, waiting for it to finally arrive at their floor. They had already realized in the last few days that this wasn’t necessarily the fastest model.  
While the others stood gaily chattering next to him, Domen had pushed himself to the very back and leaned silently against the wall, hoping to be left alone. His hood, which he had still pulled into his face, should also have sufficient explanatory power.

"Everything okay?"

Or not. Peter had stepped next to him and looked at him.

"Everything's fine," Domen answered curtly and turned his back on his brother. The message should be clear now. He absolutely didn’t want to talk. 

"Everyone has a bad day, sometimes. And the tournament and all the expectations could make you nervous, "Peter continued stubborn above his back. 

Shortly before bursting, Domen closed his eyes. What had he expected? Tsar Peter the Great was far too noble to pay attention for something like cold shoulders.

He was like a tick. Once he had licked blood, he bit on to a thing until only brute force could dissuade him. "Everything is fine. Could you please focus your own problems?! "

"What's going on with you lately?"

"Nothing is going on!" He hissed. Everything was just perfect. 

He had messed up his jumps today. Okay. The victory was vanished. Good as well. But that didn’t mean that everything was lost for him now and that he would go in search of a knife. 

"I know that does leaves traces-"

"Peter, look for someone else for your support group!" He called out loud and caught the attention of the whole team.

"You are looking for members for a support group?" -

"And don’t ask us?!"

Jernej and Jurij looked at Peter indignantly, who was rolling his eyes. Opportunity over. In front of the others, Domen would never disclose with what was going on in his mind. But Peter knew, there was something. The scene in the weight room had been proof enough.

"What should be the goal of the whole thing?", Curious, Jurij looked over to them.

"How do I successfully suppress my compulsive urge to help. Peter finally wants to learn not to annoy his fellow human so much. I'm glad to see that there are people who want to support him, "Domen teased, looking at his brother, whose lips had compressed into a thin line.

The following silence was interrupted by the ping of the elevator. They hurried to get to their rooms. The timeframe to the departure wasn’t very wide.

Domen started straightaway, just like Anže, chucking his things in his pockets. He hated having to pack his things. Not only did his belongings seemed to had developed a life of their own and lay around in every possible corner, no, many times he wasn’t able to close his bags after packing, too. 

"If Goran saw that, he would ensure that you would helping with the cleanup after the competitions in the spectator area. Both of you. "

"Don’t you have to pack, Cene?"

"I did that before the competition. And I thought I could use my spare free time to see my favorite brother, "Cene said, sitting on one of the beds, watching the younger one.

"Lovely. To what do I owe the honour of this visit? No. Wait. I can imagine. Peter is contagious, am I right? "Domen grumbled in frustration. Why was he always the victim? If they liked to lecture so much, why didn't they talk to each other? Would be the perfect solution for everyone. The two could hear each other talk and he had his well-deserved rest.

"He means well for you," Cene sighed, pulling out the charging cable of Domen's laptop under his ass. "Cute stuffed animal," Cene grinned at his brother and Domen was reluctantly reminded of his dream. "You could be a little nicer."

"I'm nice!" Domen protested angrily and shook off the memory again. This dream should be forbidden. Definitly.

"For real? You remember the elevator conversation, right? "Cene looked up at him, eyebrow raised.

"Hey, I showed him the cold shoulder with all courtesy and signaled him that I don’t want to talk. If he deliberately ignores that, it's not my fault, "he tried to explain to Cene that it wasn’t his problem.

Laughing Anže came out of the bathroom. "You call that politely? Honestly, what's rude to you then? A shot in the leg? "

"You all have no idea. Peter is forcing me! He refuses to notice the conventional signs of refusal to talk! What's else should I do, please?! ", he steadfastly denied all allegations. Peter wasn’t nearly as innocent as everyone thought he was.

He looked accusingly at his brother. Why did everyone always protect Peter and he was the ass?! Angry, he sat down on his bag to close the zipper.

"Listen, I don’t want to butt in. It’s your ego trib, but maybe you could accept his help from time to time. Even if you might not need it. Then Peter is satisfied, leaves you alone for a while and everyone is happy, "Cene said good-naturedly and Anže, who had just drunk from his bottle, choked, because of laughter. Evilly, Cene looked at him.

"Negative," Domen replied shortly. That was an absolutely unacceptable proposal. He wouldn’t even think about that. Sometimes Domen wondered if his brother was really that naive. If he gave in once, he would never get Peter off of his ass again.

"Right. I forgot. You can’t accept help. From no one. And certainly not asking for help, "Cene sighed in frustration. For him it wasn’t easy with his brothers. He tried hard to keep out of their relationship, but most of the time he got in the line of fire between Peter and Domen.

"Oh my best of all brothers, would you grant me the grace to help me with my bag?" Domen flashed at him, feeling incredibly good.

"That doesn’t count. You know I meant it differently, "he clarified, but couldn’t resist a grin. Domen was just impossible. Nevertheless, he helped him tame the zipper of the bag.

"For sure-"

"Are you done, girls? We have to gohoooo, " Jurij yelled, entering the room uninvited and interrupting the small party of his teammates. And just as he was about to move on to Jernejs room, he stopped confused. "You know, there are a lot of things left, which belongs into your bag Domen?!"

In fact, Domen had stuffed only the half of his personal things into his pocket, which nevertheless looked like it was about to burst. Goran had warned them to not carry that much unnecessary luggage because the cars they were traveling with didn’t have the largest storage space. That's why everybody was allowed to bring only one bag. 

"Who said, that this is my stuff?" Domen wanted to know indignantly, but Jurij just kept looking at him silently. In the meantime, he knew the youngest Prevc scion too well to let himself become unsure, because of that kind of questions.

"OK! If it makes you happy. But - drum roll please - I learned. Last time I unpacked and packed my bag countless times, until everything was finally in the bag and so I pulled Goran's anger at me because we almost missed the flight. This time I have a secret weapon with me ", He grinned mysteriously at the others as he rummaged with his hand in the small side pocket in his backpack. "Tadaaa!"

"Garbage bags?!"

"Why not? They are stable and provide ample storage space for my clothes and save me a lot of time. It's great! "Domen simply couldn’t understand the lack of enthusiasm. He simply thought his idea was awesome. Almost Nobel Prize suspectily. He started to run through the room and stuffed the remaining stuff in his black garbage bag, extremely satisfied with himself.

"I warn you: You better watch that Goran doesn’t notice," Jurij advised Domen speechless and left the room, shaking his head. "Because: I suppose, the one pocket per person slogan includes garbage bags, too."

"Let's take our stuff to the elevator. Jurij is right, Goran won’t like it, when you're late again, "Cene remarked, running out of the room.

"I'm not the only one who comes too late now and then," Domen grumbled, as he started to shoulder his things.

"But you're the one who's always late last," Anže chuckled helding the door open for him. Domen pushed past him without comment. "Irrespective of the fact that your 'now and then' seems to be an elastic term."

And he wouldn’t even answer that.

While Cene pushed the button to open the elevator, the other two brought their luggage out of the room. With all the jump suits, bags, backpacks, and Domen's garbage bag, they had to go back and forth several times, until they finally had everything. The ride down seemed to take an eternity, and Domen vowed he would hold the elevator responsible, if Goran would scold him. He couldn’t be blame for everything.

When the door opened, he breathed in relief and they put everything in the hallway to clear the elevator for the other hotel guests.

Domen was so busy hurrying, that he didn't pay attention to his surroundings. The next moment he ran into and knocked down something orange. Loudly something bigger fell to the ground. 

"Damn, can’t you watch out ?!", Domen scolded, before he even realized that it was Daniel, on which he had landed, and who looked no less aghast to him. Apparently, Daniel had tried to prevent the fall but had only knocked down the clothes rack with the jump suits of the Norwegians with him. 

After a short moment of shock, the two realized that their little mishap had not gone unnoticed. Tom and Anders had been at the other end of the clothes rail and were shaken by heft laughter. Likewise, Cene and Anže.

"Rousing," Tom chuckled, getting support from Anders, who was also almost on the ground with laughter.

"Does that still count as Déjà-vu?" Anders Fannemel had difficulties to speak, while he was searching for a handkerchief to wipe his laugh tears from his face.

Domen looked at Daniel, fascinated, who, just like him, seemed to be caught in a moment of rigidity. They fixed each other and in front of Domens mental eye pushed up Jay. Jay who was devouring the Christmas man with his kisses. Heat penetrated him.

"Honestly, wherever you turn up, you're spreading chaos, Prevc," Anže laughed, who wasn’t really surprised.

Immediately, life came into the young Slovenian. He rolled down as fast as he could from Daniel, who stared at him in the face of his suddenly awakening spirits. Domen turned away, cheeks flushed. He needed to do something now to stop himself from thinking. So he tried to lift the clothes rack by himself, but dropped it accidental again. Daniel, who wanted to get up again, too, but got tangled up in his attempt and nearly fell to the ground a second time, if Tom hadn’t reacted so quickly.

Tom frowned at Domen's garbage bag, which lay in the middle of the corridor and had Daniel caught in its strands. "Who dumped off his trash here?"

"That's not trash," Cene laughed. "That's Domen's luggage," he explained to the confused-looking Norwegian.

"In a garbage bag?!" - "What? Do you have an objection against it?"

"Daniel, you really seem to have a knack for getting into Domen's stuff," Anders smirked, earning another evil look from the blond Norwegian.

"This has absolutely nothing to do with me. It’s only the fault of his walking disability", Domen pointed out as he started another attempt to put the clothes rack back in order to get rid of his inappropriate thoughts.

"Stop it! You've already done enough," Daniel shouted at him like a child, who just nibbled out of the cookie jar and was caught in the act.

"That wasn’t on purpose! I-"

"Didn’t watch out and just made a dash. As always, "Daniel finished his sentence. Domen flashed angrily at the Norwegian.

Somehow, he had already guessed that the Norwegian was angry with him, after all, their ways had crossed twice and Domen had got off each time without a single mention of his nickname chosen by Daniel. But he wouldn’t let treat himself like a child just because Mr. slowcoach was in a bad mood.

"Domen! Would you still get your stuff into the car today instead of standing around in the area ?! ", Peter called annoyed through the whole lobby. 

Were Anže and Cene invisible?! They were right next to him and did the same things as him! 

"Yes, Domen. Don’t talk too much. "Anže and Cene grinned at him, then grabbed some of their bags and hurried to bring them to the car before they could get into trouble.  
"I already know his problem, but what exactly is your problem, today?" Domen ignored his so-called friends and pointed first to Peter before he looked at Daniel questioningly.

"Excuse us, for a moment. We'll have to go, "Anders pushed past them, pushing Tom forward, who only turned away reluctantly. Domen almost forgot the presence of them. "Always, if it gets exciting," Tom grumbled. He would like to have watched the exchange with Domen further. After all, the Slovenian was known to skid from one entertaining catastrophe to the next.

"I don’t have a problem," Daniel growled uncomfortably, fixing one point behind Domen.

There it was again. This nothingness at the end of the sentence. No butterprincess. Why did that even bother him?

"Sure, that's why you're running around the area and throw confetti," Domen snorted and looked at the Norwegian.

"Don’t be childish," Daniel replied, smiling apologetically at a group of hotel guests, who were passing by. 

"Childish?! I am-"

"Prevc! What exactly is hard to understand? The word thirty or the word minutes?" Goran interrupted the approaching breakout of Domen, sounding quite charged. Apparently he had to wait once too often for the Slovenian.

"Yes!" He shouted indignantly. "Honestly, and everyone is thinking, I'm unbalanced!" He mumbled softly into his nonexistent beard and bent down to pick up his things from the floor.

"Why oh why?" Daniel snorted, watching Domen by his doing.

"Okay, what have I done to you, please?", Domen looked questioningly at the Norwegian. "And don’t say nothing! You've been acting strange to me the whole day, since- " Domen paused in surprise. Sawing Jay and the Christmasman again. Then his eyes fell on Daniel's lips, which seemed to attract him hypnotically. He remembered his dream.

Nervously, Daniel stroked a strand of hair from his face. He looked like he wanted to run away. Just like Domen himself.

"You know what? Forget it." Domen shouldered his backpack, took his duffel bag in the one, the jump suits in the other hand and rushed out of the lobby.

Stunned, Daniel gazed after the Slovenian. Domen had abandoned him. Once again. And not only him, no, his garbage bag was still standing next to him as the Norwegian watched the Slovenian team bus pass the window.


	10. Daniel - Garmisch-Partenkirchen - Day of qualification

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Adrianne - 10000 Stones  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Stf3kO5Q4Vg

"Your problem won’t vanish just because you try to sting it with the eyes of darkness," Anders shouted, coming out of the bathroom, watching Daniel, sitting cross-legged on his bed. The blonde was watching the garbage bag standing in front of him.

"What? No! I mean, I didn't- "Daniel stammered. In fact, this wasn’t the first time Anders had caught him in the last twelve hours. He hadn’t really gotten his eyes away from it, since he'd discovered the garbage bag in the hotel lobby in Oberstdorf. As if all the answers to his questions were in it. He wanted to stop it. Wanted to stop indulging in any illusions. After all, Domen hadn’t even managed to broach the gay couple, much less pronounce it! And then, when Domen had ran into him knocked him down ... the Slovenian had pretended that Daniel had an infectious disease, as quickly as Domen had risen from the floor! What else should he think?

"Of course, you don’t have. Your brooding look went into the void, the garbage bag is only coincidentally the same direction. I know, " Anders commented dry and went to the closet to get out a T-shirt. He was a tidy person. And he liked it to have his things unpacked. "Why don’t you just talk to him again?"

"To say what? I hate, that you seem to be a homophobic asshole?! It hurts my feelings and do you know why? Because I love you, you idiot? Sure. Great idea, Anders, "he slammed his fist on his blanket. Everything was such a shitty shit!

"Somehow, I would’ve considered you more restrained, but if it helps, why not?" Anders slipping his t-shirt on.

"That isn’t funny! ", The younger Norwegian hissed, throwing a pillow at his roommate.

"Am I laughing? Honestly, Daniel, you have to handle it! You have to handle you! ", He caught the pillow and sat next to Daniel on the bed.

"Do you think, that I'm not trying everything to deal with it? But I can’t! I just can’t get it out of my stupid head. Every time I think that I can manage to forget him, he storms back through some window, of which I thought, I already would have it barricade. He leaves me chaos, that I can mend ... But soon my window putty will run out, Anders, " Daniel said desperately, feeling damn helpless.

"Then a frontal attack, instead of constantly hide yourself away," Anders suggested and Daniel flinched upset.

"I will never ever come out in front of him! No chance! That won’t happen! Everyone will know and I ... no ... I can’t do that ... not now where things are going well, "Daniel jumped up in panic.

"Sure, everything is going very well for you ... Maybe it wouldn’t be as bad as you think?" tried Anders to convince Daniel. He was secretly still of the opinion that Daniel at least wasn't all the same to Domen.

"Not bad!? Do you have any idea what it's like when people you're friends with just turn away? If they aren't able to look you in the eye anymore? Or be in the same place? This is my life, Anders! This isn’t some kind of game! The guys, the team, the sport, the press- "Enraging, Daniel began to make Anders understand his situation and started to pace restlessly in front of him. He wasn’t just anyone, nobody would care about. He was in the public eye and they would assail at him like ravenous piranhas. A public coming-out would just change everything!

"Okay. I got it! Then perhaps more like a secret operation? " Anders raised his hands. Continued acting like that more, he would never get Daniel to talk to Domen. But something had to happen now.

"Secret operation?!"

"Well, first you have to find out if he's really as homophobic as you think. Therefore, you already have your Trojan horse, "Anders suggested, pointing to the garbage bag.

"Trojan horse?!"

"To sneak up on the Slovenian? Your reason for coming to your forest boy without causing suspicion, " The elder grinned and Daniel buried his face in his hands.

Why did that sound so easy? "You kill me!", Grumbled Daniel, who couldn’t really make friends with Anders proposal, because that would mean giving up at least a part of his cover.

"Then at least you know how I'm doing at the moment," Anders replied dryly. “Honestly, you can’t go on like this. And maybe he’ll surprise you. You have exactly two hours until we have to get to the hill. "

"Now ?!", Nervously, he began to chew on his lower lip. He didn’t know if he was ready for such a conversation now. 

"No, next year. Of course now! "

"Tomorrow I really would actually prefer," Daniel hemed and haw. Then at least he would have a few hours reprieve and could work out a master plan.

"Why, tomorrow- Oh, Funny. Forget it! Also, have you ever thought about what if there are things in the bag, that Domen needs for the competition? Then the poor boy is searching frantically for his bag, driving everyone crazy. I won’t even imagine Gorans reaction.... ", Anders grinned. He knew exactly, which buttons he had to press.

"You're such an ass!" Snapped Daniel, whose guilty conscience had naturally started to work immediately. Reluctantly he got up, took the garbage bag and left the room.

"You're welcome," Anders called after him in good humor, before the door slammed loudly into the lock.

Grumbling, Daniel ran through the hotel. Searching the Slovenian. This time, he had no idea where to start. Without a plan he took the stairs . Probably it was easier to try it at the reception and ask for the room numbers of the Slovenians.

Then he could think about what he wanted to tell Domen, because right now he had no idea. His head was empty. Or maybe the fear paralyzed him. He didn’t want to have this conversation. He knew that Anders was right. The uncertainty devoured him, but his fear had always proved as right. Did he really want to talk to Domen? Shouldn’t he just leave it as it was? After all, his reactions had always spoken for themselves. Or? But the question was, if he could live on with that. Anders wasn’t wrong. It ate him up. This uncertainty.

"Is that my rubbish bag?!"

Startled, Daniel turned around. Domen came running up the narrowed abandoned hallway and looked quite relieved. That was definitely too fast for Daniel now.

"Yes ...?" Said Daniel more questioningly than answering and stared at the Slovenian. Damn it! He first wanted to think about how he wanted to steer the conversation inconspicuously and now, there was only this gaping emptiness inside his head.

Meanwhile, Domens face changed drastically from relieved to quite sore: "Why didn’t you bring the bag to me yesterday? Do you know what I've been through since then? Peters obtrusiveness has increased by a thousand times since this morning, Cene looks at me with this nothing-surprises-me-any-more-look and the reception in Oberstdorf don’t accept my calls anymore! And my things were here with you the whole time?! I can’t believe it, " He vented his anger loudly.

"How about a little more gratitude? I could have just left your trash! " Daniel countered. If anyone had the right to be angry, than it was him!

"Gratitude? Just because that's a garbage bag, it doesn’t mean I don’t need the things in it! Because of you, I had to walk around like this all morning! "Domen pointed out indignantly.

For the first time at this day, Daniel looked at the Slovenian: his T-shirt was at least one size too small, snuggled up against his narrow upper body and divested a piece of his stomach. His trousers, on the other hand, almost slipped over his ass, although he had obviously tried to tie them down with ribbons. But now it looked like a funny inflated balloon around his hips, what didn't become better by the too long trouser legs. Without wanting it, a grin crept up on Daniel's lips, his anger went away in the face of the outraged sweetness of Domen.

"Stop grinning! Do you know what I've listen to all day?! ", Domen asked and his green eyes shot lightning. The young Slovenian was definitely not amused.

"Calm yourself, Butterprincess. That doesn’t harm your beauty, "chuckled Daniel, who simply couldn’t stay seriously. Again, the Slovenian had managed to charm him with his style.

"Haha, for you it’s all right to laugh! You didn’t have to walk around like that all morning either, "Domen muttered, tearing the garbage bag out of his hands. He didn’t seem as angry anymore as he did a few seconds ago. His features had relaxed, but the Norwegian couldn’t say why. Probably he was relieved to have his things back.

Then Daniel remembered what his Trojan horse was supposed to do. But still, he had no idea how to start it. He just knew, that he had to know. Whatever this information would be good for. That he could figure out later. In the best case, it would help him to finish with this shit. 

"Listen, um, because of yesterday, that I snaped at you ... uhm ..." Daniel finally started uncertainly and his thoughts raced. Don’t betray yourself. Don’t say too much. Maybe it would be better not say anything? No, somehow uh ... gently transferring to the subject ... Yes, exactly. Ask him by the way. That he wouldn’t even notice, why he was asking.

"Um ..." Damn! He needed a transition! Why couldn’t he remember anything? He drew in a breath. 

"Will that become an apology at some point!?" - "Are you against gays?"

They had spoken at the same time, but Daniel's question was probably the one that sounded between them louder in the silence of the corridor. Daniel had seen how Domen had flinch and immediately regretted that he had asked the Slovenian. So much for his plan to find a cautious transition. That had worked very well. But now there was no turning back.  
The words were pronounced.

"I-uhm ... what?! No! That ... how do you get that idea?! "Domen was obviously completely confused. Didn’t know, where he should look at. Scratching his head nervously.   
"I, uh ... the other day on the bench, the couple- You have... - I don’t know," stammered Daniel. It was somehow harder to be clear than he had thought. At the moment, he felt more like he would talk in hieroglyphs. At least Domen looked at him like that.

"That was uhem, was uh ... unexpected. I mean, I dunno, I don’t have a problem ... with that, in theory, but it was different ... well, to see it live and in color? I mean, it doesn’t matter! I have no problem with that, "Domen talked hisself into trouble and Daniel could feel the uneasiness of the Slovenian with every fiber of his body, but he believed him.

Or maybe you just want to believe him, whispered a small nasty voice in his head. Arghh! That was stupid!

"Why are you asking?" Domen frowned at him. Apparently, he had come to the conclusion that attack was the best defense.

"Um ..." Yes, Daniel. Why did you ask? You might have better thought of that before! "I have a friend ... - not my friend, a buddy, well, you know, anyways ... he's gay and I thought, umm- I don’t like it when- I mean, maybe I'm allergic to indications of Homophobia because of him ", he said out after a long fight with a crimson head. In his mind, he was busy with running against a wall with all his might. I have a friend, was probably the most inconspicuous statement on this planet that you could use in such a situation. Not.

"Ahhh ... no. That’s not the way it should looked like. I have no idea... Then the stress, the tournament and the nerves. I was just not in prime condition yesterday. As you saw later, "Domen told a little helplessly and his grip on the garbage bag tightened a little.

Why did Daniel start this conversation? That was worse than seeing a three-hour movie in a crowded movie theater with a cold and trying to suppress dry cough. Once again, they both were uncertain, and nobody knew what to say. Nevertheless, Daniel couldn’t help but feeling a little better.

"Then you enjoy the great and rare honor of an apology from me, now" Daniel grinned uncertain, somehow trying to get out of this embarrassing situation. He clung to it as he tried to get his heart back under control, because that meant nothing.

"For my garbage bag, too?", Domen asked innocently with a slightly crooked smile. Gratefully that the conversation seemed to move back onto safe ground. He couldn’t stand this strange tension any longer.

"I wouldn’t go that far, Butterprincess," Daniel laughed, shaking his head. He was used to this kind of conversation, he could handle it.

"Then at least I want to see you sliding around on your knees," Domen demanded, grinning at him with his thousand-watt smile.

"What do you dream of at night ?!" Daniel snorted.

"You wouldn't want to know that, honestly. But that was pretty mean of you yesterday. Now my handkerchief stock is almost used up. Because of you. Not only that my jumps were bad, no, you also have to impress something on me. That was really hard, this knife in my chest. I was really worried that you would hate me and that would have nearly knocked my poor, tortured soul to death yesterday, "Domen continued in the most dazzling colors and theatrically put his hand to his chest while he had that amused glint in his eyes. No doubt, he loved to savor this situation.

Laughing, Daniel looked at the younger, who grinned back. And challenged him. That was why he just wasn't able to get away from him. Daniel was trapped in his darkness and Domen, with his innocent cheeky manner, managed to whirl him into the light again and again. In his presence it was way too easy to feel a little more like himself and to forget the other Daniel.

"Yes, but I'm sure Peter was holding your hands," Daniel tried to answer with all seriousness.

"You have no idea. Honestly, he was about to write a missing luggage report! At least until Cene has told him, that I'm looking for a garbage bag. After that, Peter had much more interest in telling me, in his stoically unobtrusive way, how unreasonable I am, instead of devoting himself to the facial composite of my baggage, "Domen said reproachfully, and Daniel could picture all that too well.

"Yeah. I don’t even know what Peters problem was: black slovenian garbage bag wanted, sounds that much better than: Large black and pink spotted suitcase missing," the Norwegian chuckled happily.

"A little more compassion wouldn’t hurt you! After all, I'm the victim here! "Domen complained indignantly. It wasn’t funny that Daniel misjudged the seriousness of the situation. But Daniel wasn’t the one whose family affairs took place in the middle of the ski jumping world cup. Daniel was able to separate everything, while it constantly collided with his life and everyone could follow.

"Sorry, you're right. The robbery hit you hard, Butterprincess, "Daniel said with loud laughter.

"You're such an ass!" Domen started beating his garbage bag against Daniel.

"Hey! No! Stop it! Butterprincess, "Daniel gasped, somehow trying to get to the garbage bag while he laughed at the top of his voice. "Remember your mantra! You’re not allowed to kill Norwegians, That definitely includes this beating attack! "

"Are you kidding me? That counts among self-defense! "Domen laughingly replied, as Daniel could grab the garbage bag and tried to pull it out of Domens hands. "Let go!", The Slovenian grinned and approached Daniel step by step.

"I would like to repeat myself once again: What do you dream of at night?", Daniel flashed to him happily, as Domen pulled the bag to him and slapped on Daniel's hand.

"And I already told you, that you sleep better if you don’t know. So, let go! Out! This is mine! Bad Daniel! ", Answered the Slovene and tried to loosen Daniels grip a little. 

"Yeah, Daniel. Behave yourself a bit! ", It sounded across the hall.

Both of them winced and turned their gaze to the right, down the hall. Completely frozen in their movements.

Anders careered along the hall with Daniel's mother. Crap! Daniel totally forgotten his mother! She had come all the way from Norway so they could celebrate New Year's Eve together. They had actually wanted to meet in the lobby, but somehow it was gone completely lost in the chaos of the last few days.

"May I introduce: Trude Daniel's mother that is Domen Daniels uh ...", Anders looked questioningly at the two. Obviously, he was more than surprised by their sight and wasn’t quite sure how to put it into words.

"Scapegoat on duty," Domen answered, smiling broadly helpful. "Nice to meet you," he held out his hand.

"Hey, you have slapped me with your garbage bag and not the other way around!", Daniel interjected indignantly.

"You started!" Domen clarified.

"I'm glad, too," Daniel's mother replied amused, in the face of the chatter. She noticed the glances that her son threw to the Slovenian. Astonished, she looked at Daniel.   
Questioned him mute. No, Mom, this isn’t my boyfriend I have never told you about, he signaled with a quick shake of his head. His mother was next to Anders the only person who knew of his homosexuality.

"Didn’t I tell you to behave yourself? What else have you done again? ", She directed her focus back to the young Slovenian, while hugging Daniel.

"Oh, sometimes he shows such a childish behavior ... Did he really make sure that I have to wear this clothes the whole morning. Just look at it! I mean, pranks or not, but we’re persons of public interests. But to whom do I tell this. It doesn’t seem to surprise you, "Domen noted with interest, and his grin signaled the Norwegian, that this wouldn’t end up good for him, if he wouldn’t immediately find something to stop Domen. 

"Oh, Daniel has always been a little joker. Right, honey? Especially at school, "his mother began to chat. Although Daniel made her understand that she should stop.  
Looking for help, he glanced to Anders, who was too focused to the overflowing source of information about Daniel's life, so he didn’t pay any attention to his friend.

"Really? Hard to believe ", Anders grinned instead and seemed a bit too curious for Daniel's taste. It was nobody's business, least of all Domen!

"Really. I could tell thousands of stories. He and his best friend were always making a spectacle. How often I've got angry phone calls from the principal ... you wouldn't believe , "she continued reminiscing and Daniel felt as if he was heading straight for a concrete wall. He knew far too well what would come next.

"Why don’t you tell us about it, while we drinking a cup of coffee? I would really like to hear that, "Domen suggested with amusement. Without doubt. The young Slovenian had a lot of fun while Daniel just wanted to run away.

"Mom, you are certainly exhausted and-"

"Do I look like sixty? I think that's a wonderful idea, and then I'll get to know your friends better, "she beamed at Domen and Anders enthusiastically. "You have some time, right?"  
"Yes, of course we have. Half an hour," Anders replied quickly, preempting Daniel's answer. So his mother, confident and unyielding as Daniel knew her, went downstairs and linked arms with Domen. This picture caused a strange feeling in Daniel. It would be all too easy to indulge in this illusion, but he had to hold on to the reality, not to fall too deeply later. His mother would speak of HIM.

"Well, if would you ask me, your mother is quite happy with your choice ... well, she doesn’t know him properly, but- ... Ow!" Anders complained and rubbed his aching arm.

"You deserve much worse, you lousy traitor!" Daniel hummed softly as they followed his mother and Domen. He would have to bow to his fate, before anyone became suspicious. Why did he still feel so helpless? He had heard the story thousand times before, but it still hurt. "Why did you even bring my mother here?" Daniel hissed at Anders angrily.

"She called at the room when you didn’t show up. Should I have left her alone in the lobby? By the way I didn’t expect to find you both here and certainly not like ... What did you two do there at all?! "Anders whispered curiously and looked at Daniel astonished as he sighed melancholy.

It was nothing new that his life took unexpected and utterly unwanted turns, he thought, just as Domen laughed heartily at something his mother told him.

"What are you talking about, Mother?", He looked suspiciously back and forth between the two, ignoring the questioning looks of Anders.

"Oh, I was just about to tell Domen how you and San once released the chickens at school. Do you remember? "His mother looked at him with shining eyes. She hadn’t thought it was amusing at the time the principal called her; but now she couldn’t tell the story often enough.

"Sure," Daniel replied shortly. He hated it every time. It was associated with too many painful memories. By that time, the carefree Daniel had ceased to exist, and the cautious Daniel had stepped into his place. Why did she have to rehash this story today? Every other story with him Daniel would have preferred. 

"What am I allowed to bring you?", An operator came to the table, they had sat down and after they had given up their order, Domen refer back to his mother. "So what about the chicken in school?" Domen asked curiously, giving him a quick sideways glance.

"Daniel and San came up with the idea to make the biology lesson more graphic, at least they told it to Mr. Sandvik, that's San's father. So he gave them three of his chickens, which they put in a big cage and they brought them to school. I still can’t believe, that you could persuad him to do that, after all Mr Sanndvik knew you both well enough, "his mother began to tell, looking affectionately at Daniel. The two had always had a close relationship.

Daniel drifted away with his thoughts. He remembered every detail of that day. It had all been San's idea, and even though they knew it would cause a lot of trouble, they'd gladly put up with it. That was supposed to be something like their masterpiece.

And Daniel would have done anything San suggested. With his short dark hair, his freckles, and the roguish grin on his face, he'd been the first boy who had fascinated Daniel. All the while. Since their first encounter in kindergarten. Their time together had always been carefree, and Daniel had thought they were inseparable. Even when he realized that his feelings went far beyond mere friendship, he had never deviated from his boundless faith in San.

Daniel had left his home early that day, so he and San had plenty of time to smuggle the chickens into school unnoticed, and because he was looking forward to having a reason to spend more time with San, in which he was secretly able to sink into his beautiful blue eyes.

"Somehow, they have put the animals in the art room of the school, without raising a teacher's attention. There they have then painted the plumage, well provided with numbers. 1,2 and 4 they have painted on them. Afterwards they have just let them free, "his mother laughed while Domen looked at him in disbelief. He didn’t know this Daniel. "Not that bad," he commented on his mother's tale.

Not that bad? The idea had been masterful, like everything from San. He had been masterful. Perfect grades at school, a great soccer player and of course popular with girls.   
Wistfully, he thought back to how they had been in each other's arms full of anticipation. Laughing, just by the thought of what would happen if Mrs. Pettersen, their unbelievably annoying math teacher, who conveniently suffered from Alektorophobia, would meet her souvenirs. In joyful anticipation, they had hid in the material room, which lay right next to the staff room and waited. It hadn’t taken long and the animals had caught the attention of the first arriving students, but of course no one had felt responsible. The chickens were amused watched by their classmates, who, as well as both of them, had been waiting eagerly for their teachers' reaction. San had just been irresistible, sitting there opposite him on the floor. The morning light had made his blue eyes shine, they had looked at each other and Daniel simply couldn’t resist the moment.

Even before he knew what he was doing, he had leaned toward San and kissed him. After that, his life had turned into a nightmare, simultaneously with the scream of Mrs. Pettersen. 

"Of course, they have ascertain who were the guilty ones . They were really bothered, when they searched for the missing fourth chicken everywhere at school but couldn't find it , isn’t that true, Daniel? "She glared in amusement.

"Yeah, that caused a stir, but that had more or less been planned," he replied and managed a weak smile.

"Come on, honey. You have to admit you didnot have expect three months of detention and the cleaning service, "she replied and Domen looked at him in disbelief.

"Three months?!"

Daniel just shrugged. He even hadn’t expected anything else. In his boundless naiveté he had hoped that San would feel like him, but unfortunately, he had been totally wrong. San had stormed out of the materials room, not even looking him in the eye. Afterwards Aleksander had clearly told him what he thought of him and his perversities. From that day on, their ways had parted, and Daniel had learned his first painful lesson of life.

"Well, after all, Mrs. Pettersen barricaded herself in the staff room for the rest of the day. Only the school psychologist managed to convince her at the end of the day that everything is chicken-free. After that, she was on sick for the remainder of the school year, "his mother replied to Domen's incredulous exclamation.

"Yes, but she had deserved it. She was an old hellcat. Excuse me for a moment, I have to go to the bathroom, " Daniel cleared his throat and got up. This memory reminded him that he should be far more careful than he was. Although Domen said he didn’t object to gays, it seemed more obtain from afar. Domen had even admitted it to himself. And maybe he had given that answer only, because it was sort of something what he had wanted to hear. What was expected. Everyone preached tolerance today, but if it was time to let words follow deeds, everyone showed its true face.

Sadly, he pushed open the door to the men's room and leaned on the sink. Then he looked in the mirror, saw himself quite pale, feeling damn lost. He turned on the faucet and splashed cold water on his face as the door behind him opened again and Anders entered. "What became of you and San?" He asked softly after a moment of silence.  
"Strangers. He didn’t understand my um ... passion for- "

"Neon green?" Anders suggested, while looking around. It seemed like they were alone, but why risk something.

"Yes, neon green and finally, our ways seperated. My mum still believes that we just drifted apart. Because of the sport. She always liked San. San made her laugh, even though she was having a hard time. I don’t want to destroy that memory, "he admitted, his fingers tightening around the cool china of the sink.

"Not everyone is such an asshole," Anders tried to encourage him and suspected that Daniel had much more to tell than that he and San only had drifted apart.

"That might be, but the problem is I know it not until this point, if I can’t undo anything", he looked down at Anders through the mirror, who looked back helplessly. What could he say? Daniel wasn’t that wrong.

"Let's go back to Domen and your mother before he persuades her to show baby pictures of you," Anders tried to alley the dark thoughts of his friend.  
"Shit!", Daniel stared in horror at Anders, because what he had just said wasn’t so wrong. His mother loved to talk about him. Thanks to his mum, even Alex had seen baby pictures of him. "He would never forget this. Even worse: he would never let me forget this."

They hurriedly returned to their table, to which, at Daniel's great relief, was only sitting his mother. That meant no further amusing conversations about his childhood. At least something.

"Domen had to go. He is really a nice young man, " his mother said, noticing the searching look of her son.

"Yeah, and polite, calm and accommodating," Anders commented dryly. "Ow!" He glared at Daniel, who innocently smiled at his mother. Anders really had earned that kick against the knee.


	11. Domen - Garmisch-Partenkirchen- Day of qualification

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bad Bad hats - Psychic reader  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zXyGliP7CWo

"Shit! That doesn’t work. I have to keep my hip up a little bit more, "dissatisfied, Domen saw to Nejc, one of Goran's assistant trainers. Together they stood in the jumpers accommodation and did some imitation exercises, the last ones before the qualification in Garmisch would start.

Nejc had just put the dissatisfied Slovenian back on the ground. Now the coach just rolled his eyes. Domen was never completely satisfied with his exercises. There was always something that didn’t was to Domen's liking, but lately, it had noticeably gotten out of hand.

"One more time. I feel like I'm- "

"No, forget it, Domen. You heard what Goran told you half an hour ago, didn’t you? "Nejc shook his head. He admired the boy for his ambition, but Domen tripped over his own ambition lately. 

"Of course, I listened to it. But- "Domen wanted to protest when he was interrupted again by Nejc.

"Other question: Were you only physically present or indeed mentally, too?" Nejc asked, praying that this wouldn’t become a long discussion. Young Prevc could become exhausting when he had his counseling-resistant day.

"Domen, you have to let things run their course. Your first jumps were good, now trust your skills and slowly build on them, then you have chances being on the podium again, boy, "Imitated Domen his coach in a deep rough voice. Some people, who were surrounding them, gave him amused glances.

"Um, okay, then you've certainly understood the message? Not forcing anything?" With his hands on his hips Nejc watched the facial expressions of the Slovenian, who now not only annoyed rolled his eyes, also shook his head.

"How am I supposed to get better if I don’t delete my mistakes through training? And why should I jump the jump as before, when I only reach the top ten? I thought you wanted victories? ", Domen folded his arms. He had always felt that his ambition hadn’t been sufficiently appreciated. And if Peter brooded over his jumps for hours, nobody said anything, too.

"You won’t win with your crowbar in your arms. It's too heavy and pulls you down, "Nejc replied smartly and Domen would have liked to pull out his crowbar to show him, how hard such a thing really could be. And how painful. "Do some loosening exercises instead, go jogging something like that and then you will make it. Believe me"

"It's really admirable how easy you take it, but I wanted to make the whole thing a bit more professional. So, please, could we just-“

"Watch out!" - "Attention!" - "Shit!" - "Ball!"

Excited voices came over and before Domen realized what they were trying to tell them, he was struck by a ball that brushed the back of his head.

"Ow!" He shouted indignantly, rubbing his head. Looking for the causer, he turned around and saw Andreas Wellinger, who came running up to him.

"Sorry, I didn’t want to make a target out of you, the sun blinded ... I haven’t hit the ball properly," stammered the young German out of breath.

"Doesn’t matter. Domens pighead can’t be killed that easily, "Nejc accepted the apology instead of Domen and they both started laughing.

"Your apprehension is really touching," Domen grumbled, but didn’t want to make a fuss. Not in front of all the people. That would only end in a catastrophe that would push him back into the "don’t behave like a child- track". Daniel had clearly showed him, how fast it could going.

"Hey, do you want to play with us? We are still one too few, "Andreas asked friendly. But at that moment, at that Domen wanted to decline, Nejc said:   
"That's a great idea! We were just finished anyway. "-

"What?! No, we’re not! I still wanted- "

"Nuts! Tomorrow is another day. Go playing " Nejc grinned nasty. He had just found a way to convey to Domen that their training was over, without having to discussing.  
"He’s right. You can reinforce our team, "Andreas gabbled on it and pulled the Slovenian with him, who threw one last scowl back to Nejc.

"Wow, growth. Cool. Welcome to the winning team ", Markus held out his hand to welcome Domen.

"Yes, they are always the first winning team from behind. Nice that you try to give them hope, but against us, you have no chance, " Richard Freitag shouted from the other side happily, giving high five to Severin and Karl.

"Didn’t we wanna play?" Domen shouted to the other side of the field, whose ambition had seized him against his will. He didn’t like that they are provoking him and labeling him a loser.  
"I like this guy," Andreas nodded to him and hit the first ball to the other side.

It became a fast match. Soon it turned out that both teams were technically on one level. The score, which of course was only counted unofficially, was a neck-and-neck race. Domen actually began to enjoy the match. He hadn’t met with friends just for fun since forever. Around the playing field, more and more people began to gather, eagerly watching the match. And there weren’t only spectators, also athletes, who performed their stretching exercises besides while watching the both teams playing.

"Domen, little hint: This isn’t soccer, the ball has to go over the net, not into it," Jurij commented, who was among the spectators and collected some laughs.

"Please, don’t listen to him. We think it isn’t that bad, or Sevi? "Laughed Richard, missing the ball Domen shot. "That was just luck!"

"You probably meant skill?", Domen looked innocently at Jurij, before he high fived Markus and Andreas. While watching the ball, Domen saw how the door of one container opened in the background. Daniel and Robert emerge. 

So there were the Norwegians housed. Domen had already wondered, where they were placed. Now he knew it: at the other end of the-

"Domen, don’t dream " Anders Fannemel shouted with a big grin, while Markus gave him a slap on the back of his head: "Concentration, now!" demanded the german.

"Sorry," he murmured, feeling his face go red as he picked up the volleyball, that had landed at his feet. Shot it with all his might to the other side. Out of the corner of his eye, he registered Daniel standing next to Anders among the spectators. The older Norwegian whispered something to Daniel, grinning from ear to ear.

Frowning, Domen kept looking at the two Norwegians. They seemed to hatch something. Domen wouldn’t be surprised, after all, he had left Daniel quite suffering this morning. Probably he should pay close attention to the Norwegian. Maybe he shouldn’t had squeezed out his mother. 

Somehow that version of Daniel Mrs Tande had told about still seemed strange to the young Slovenian. But she had told him himself that he had changed a lot. He always seemed balanced and happy. At least, if he got the chance to argue with him.

Just in time, he returned his attention to the field. The next ball came righttowards him. Domen jumped up and masterfully parried it just in front of the net of the other side. Severin had no chance. Draw!

"Yes!", He shouted, grinning as a matter of routine to Daniel, who laughingly gave him a thumbs-up. Domen wondered what his mother meant. After all, Daniel didn’t look sad. Maybe thoughtful sometimes, but melancholy? Or unhappy?

A shrill whistle sounded through the crowd. Werner Schuster stood in front of the German container and pointed to his watch. Groaning, Markus let sink down the ball he was about to shoot. "Well, we have to postpone the decision," Markus said regretfully.

"Yes, we have a meeting now," clarified Karl Domen, who had looked at her questioningly.

"Really a pity, I would have loved to see you lose," Richard laughed.

"Senility can really be a grateful illness. You aren’t depressed, if you confound winners and losers," the Slovenian said watching how the Germans disappeared in their container.  
The crowd around them began to dissipate, too. Domen looked at his watch. High time to warm up a little more effectively, he decided, standing in the sun, when he started with slight hip circles. He had a good view of the Norwegian camp, which attracted his eyes again and again. More specifically, Daniel. 

_"He's changed a lot since then, you know? I want to thank you for making my son laugh again. I haven’t seen him like that in a long time,_ " Mrs Tande had said to him and it had been terribly unpleasant. He hadn’t done anything. She must have misinterpreted something, but regardless, Domen wanted to know what she meant.

He looked after Daniel, who disappeared into the small forest to jog. Should he follow him? He couldn’t deny that it interested him. Even if it wasn't none of his business, of course. Ever since they had gone to the hill, his thoughts kept circling around these words, trying to bring them into line with his image of Daniel.

"Look at him, he disappears again for a cuddle or whatever they do there," Stjernens voice blew to his ear. Surprised, Domen turned to face the small group of Norwegians who had appeared behind him, following Daniel's path into the forest, shaking their heads. 

"Cuddle?", Asked Domen and joined the small group consisting of Andreas, Robert and Tom.

"Nothing for the ears of a little boy," Tom replied cheekily, glaring at the young Slovenian, who had surprised them all. Normally, Domen always remained for himself.

"Explain to me, uncle pleeaaaaaseeee," quipped Domen. Of course, only in the hope that he would get useful information, otherwise he would have shown Tom, where he could stick his baby voice.

"So that's when a mysterious forest girl and a secretive ski jumper meet in the forest and uh ..." Tom looked around for help.

"To kindle a fire of Love, of hate ... who knows, "Andreas intervened helpfully.

"Of hate?", Domen looked confused at the Norwegians. Somehow, he had dropped out of their explanation.

"Well, as often as Daniel comes back in bad mood," Robert commented with a shrug as he continued to circle with his shoulders.

"Hey, guys, I thought, you are warming up and don’t hold a coffee party," Anders came over to them and couldn’t resist a curious look at the Slovenian. "What are you doing here?"  
"Education lesson," Domen said quickly, thinking about what he had just heard. Did Daniel really have a girlfriend? And why didn’t anyone know her? Not even his friends. Couldn’t be a very personable person. Daniel should concentrate on the sport. After all, the Norwegian had chances to win the tournament.

"We’re talking about Daniel's forest girl," Robert explained to his team-mate.

"You seem deeply interested in Daniels love life," he said half questioningly. Domen avoided the Norwegian's X-ray vision and turned away. Why did the Norwegian look at him like that? He had also felt in the morning that Anders keep a detailed record of each of his movements. He acts almost as bad as Peter.

"What? No! Not at all, I mean, I was just uhm… standing here… hearing what they said while they were warming up ... and now um ... I'm leaving, "said Domen hastily. Let's get out of here, he thought. Being at the center of Anders's attention wasn’t necessarily the kind of thing he liked.

Blind to his surroundings, he ran through the jumper's accomodation to get away from the Norwegians as he spotted a neon green jacket coming straight at him. Peter. Speaking of the devil ... or at least thinking of... Anyways, he should soon avoid evoking the evil with his thoughts in future, because that was something he didn't needed. Domen moved on and pretended he didn’t notice his brother.

"Domen, I know you saw me," Peter called after him.

"Strict your brain and bring this information in connection with the walk on, on my part," Domen turned around annoyed. But instead of starting to argue or just leaving, Peter closed the gap between them.

"Your jumps were better today. Goran was certainly satisfied, right? ", Peter watched his brother curiously. He wanted to do it differently this time. Cene had told him he wouldn’t get through to Domen, if he always taught him. Although Peter still thought that Domen could show more gratitude for his attempts, Cene, finally, had appealed to his age and prudence. Both arguments, he couldn’t easily dismiss. And Cene hadn't been entirely wrong, as Peter reluctantly stated. After all, he was the older of the two of them. And actually, he didn’t want to argue with Domen all the time.

"Unbelievably satisfied. Never thought he was content with mediocrity, "Domen grumbled unapologetically. He wanted to do his warm-up exercises. Without interruptions. He had felt once too often observed this day.

"Goran is never satisfied with mediocrity. He only goes one step at a time. You should have more confidence in his abilities as a coach, "Peter continued to adhere to his brother's side, but was failing to banish the last blaming undertone from his voice.

"Sure, that's why I'm supposed to keep working with Andrej instead of training properly for the competitions," Domen grumbled, running a little bit faster, trying to get rid of Peter. 

"What does Andrej do to you, that you’re so unenthusiastic?", Peter wanted to know. He hadn’t forgotten yesterday's scene in the weight room. He was worried about his younger brother. He knew that the defeat in Oberstdorf hadn’t made things easier for him. Nevertheless, Domen had changed since noon. He brooded about something.

"He has wagged with incense sticks and meditate. You know Andrej. What else should he do? ", Domen snorted. Why was Peter so interested in this?

"Well, if you talk about it this way" Peter chided as he eshwed a puddle that Domen would have loved to push his brother into.

"If I want to be instructed, I'll go to Goran," he informed Peter, turning his eyes back to the trees, which swayed gently in the wind. It had been so obvious that it wasn't able to have a decent conversation with his brother.

"Alright," defending, his brother raised his hands and walked silently beside him. While Domen was just glad that Peter had stopped talking, the older one thought feverishly about, how he could start talking about yesterday noon.

Domen, who found this long silence untypical for his brother, unobtrusively peeked aside. He saw that Peter had put on his brooding face. Peter didn’t just follow his heels like that. He had guessed it. He waited tensely, that Peter would finally come out with his matter. But after a short time of silence he lost patience.

"Spit it out," he stopped jogging. Struggling for breath, he propped his hands on his knees. He wanted to finally prepare in peace for the qualification, but with Peter next to him, that was simply not possible.

"What do you mean?", His brother stopped too. Domen noticed the uncertainty Peter tried to hide, by asking his question more to the ground than to Domen himself.  
"Honestly? Peter, do I have to remind you that we have known each other for quite a long time? "He looked at him expectantly. 

"What happened yesterday?"

"Nothing," Domen turned away too fast. Somehow, he had known from the beginning that it would have consequenses. He had said it himself: they knew each other quite good.  
"Don’t lie to me. Something has thrown you off track and under normal circumstances it takes at least the extent of a nuclear catastrophe, to do that to you, "frowning, Peter watched his brother, who just continued with his warm-up exercises, which maddens Peter.

What shall he tell Peter? That he rather had taken the atomic bomb, then the kissing men? Certainly not. Besides, he got over it. It was, like he had told Daniel: He wasn’t homophobic. Actually, it didn’t bother him. He had digested it. What had Daniel to digest? 

"Hello? Domen, I'm talking to you? "Peter grabbed his brother's arm and forced him to look him in the eye. "What's happening? You know you can talk to me, right? "  
"I know. But I don’t want to, because there is nothing to talk about. Honestly, you are really paranoid about my person. Have you ever thought about, that you project your shortcomings on me? ", Challengingly, Domen looked at his brother.

Domen suddenly realized, that he already had seen such a similar look before at this day. But not that intrusive. For some reason, his answer had been important as Daniel had asked him, if he is homophobic. Daniel had looked a little bit like Peter now. Worried, but somehow different. He couldn’t name it properly, but now that he thought about it, he realized that there ... what? Why did he care? The matter was solved. And now Daniel was busy with this... He was busy having fun again. 

"Maybe. Maybe not. But I know what I've seen, "Peter remained reluctantly cool, interrupting Domen from his thoughts. Domen had expected, that Peter would disappear finally. Apparently, his brother wasn’t as predictable as he always thought. Or he had just relearned something new: staying cool, no matter what he was saying. But that fact seemed to him unlikely.

"Then get you some glasses," Domen advised him, breaking away from his brother. The two stubborn heads flashed furiously at each other. They'd been in an argument so many times before, but this time it was about something much more fundamental than a fraternal contest for the last piece of chocolate.

"That's stupid! Why do we always have to fight? "Peter broke the silence after a while and threw his arms up in desperation. He wanted that it ran differently this time.

"Should I write you a list? ," Domen muttered without thinking.

To his surprise, Peter snorted amused and looked at him. "But that wasn’t always like that, right? I mean, there was a time when we could at least talk to each other normally. "  
"You mean the time we saw each other three times a year?," Domen pointed out, while in the background you could only the scream of a bird was heard.

"I know. That time we weren’t yet ... I don’t know how to name it ... ", Peter considered loud, looking at him with an expression of embarrassment.

"You mean, we weren’t the flagship family and sensation of the ski jumping circus?" Domen helped his brother out and got to the point. Why should they even talk around the bush? They both knew, what was going on.

"Yes, somehow. I mean, don’t get me wrong, it's great that you're both successful, but somehow ... you're just being reduced to ... um ... "Peter struggled for words. He did not want to upset his brother again.

"A Prevc. To be exact: you, "Domen grumbled, kicking off a rock.

"Um ... well, not really. At the moment, you're the crucial factor, "Peter said.

"I think, I would know that. Thiessen prefers the perfect Peter and he isn’t the only one, "Domen answered bitterly and shot another stone behind. Peter didn’t need to butter him up to appease him. Domen knew what was going on and could handle it. After all, his last interviews were more about his brother than about him. He just wanted a little recognition for his achievements. A little individuality. Was that too much to ask for?

"Perfect Peter? Nice, "Peter smirked. His nickname didn’t really surprise him. But he wasn’t perfect. Otherwise he would get along better with everything.

"What? Did you expect something else? You always find the right words, the right gestures, you’re always fair, masterful ... Gosh, even God father himself would look like a naughty boy next to you, "Domen exclaimed in frustration and kicked everything out of the way like a madman.

"Stop that, you could hit someone," Peter protested, holding on to his brother. Again, Peter looked at him with that reproachful disappointed look.

"That's exactly what I mean. You're doing it again, "Domen stared at his brother, stunned. He would never be good enough.

"What? I'm not doing anything! You're acting like a maniac! "

"Yes sure. I'm the stupid again, "interrupted Domen, shaking off his brother's grip. He was so tired of feeling trapped.

"Do you think, it's easy with you!? I always have to listen to how daring your style of flying is. How spectacular everything is that you do. As if I wouldn’t jump off the same hills. You are taciturn and rude, nevertheless the people like you or are at least fascinated. The name Prevc once stood for something that I built myself. Now you define the name and- "Peter replied, at least as frustrated. How he hated all this crap. How much he would like to separate his private life from the sport, but that was simply impossible.

"I didn’t choose that," Domen snapped, turning and walking away. Into the forest. Away from his brother.

"Domen, no, I just wanted to-" he heard Peter summon behind him, but he didn’t stop with running.

He wouldn’t any longer listen to how much he charged Peter. After all, nobody paid any attention to him either. What was Peter thinking? Did he think he was the only one? Even Domen would rather see it, in most moments of his life, if his brother wasn’t Peter Prevc. Unfortunately, you couldn’t choose your family. And now he would’ve no choice but to show everyone that he was successful not just because of his name or his genes. Peter hadn’t trained with him. He'd won these victories on his own, and it was time for the world to recognize that, Domen thought grimly, almost colliding with something blue as he turned left.

"Wow, Butterprincess! Keep an eye open for the traffic, "Daniel shouted in surprise, who had just in time prevented their collision and had grabbed Domen by the shoulders, which trembled. Concerned, Daniel took a closer look at the young Slovenian. He was excited and by that Daniel didn’t mean the good sort of excitement.

"Let me go," Domen demanded and looked at Daniel, who had once again appeared at the most impossible time in front of him.

"Butterprincess, laughing! The sun is shining. It's great weather for competing, "the Norwegian tried to cheer him up and released his grip. Then it had been the voice of the Slovenian, which sounded sweetly through the forest few minutes ago.

"Don’t you have your own problems?" Domen turned away, remembering the words of Daniel's teammates.

"Sure. I have a talkative mother, but you already know that. And you? ", Daniel tried to lighten the mood a bit, but couldn’t prevent, looking worried at the younger one. He didn’t want to know what would happen, if Domen would jump down the hill in that mood.

"Humans," Domen answered. 

"Wow, that … uhm… limited ...", Daniel remarked dryly after a short moment of silence. "So… What are you doing here? Normally, you do your stretching exercises shy of to a competition, "Daniel asked, after he got nothing but grave silence from Domen.

Silently, Domen turned his gaze to the sky, watching the clouds swiftly pass over him before turning back to Daniel, who promptly drove him to madness with his worried dark green eyes. "What's your problem?", Daniel asked not knowing, what would happen, as Domen exploded. 

"I don’t have a problem! Why does everyone always believe that? I had one bad competition! One! And suddenly everybody goes crazy. Believing, they have to holding hands or helping me with clever tips. Honestly, I am able to take care of myself."

"Nobody says, that-"

"They are thinking this way! Peter would like to wipe my ass if he could. Domen do this, Domen do that. Domen, you really have to take this seriously. Don’t yell around, "he copied Peter in frustration. Nobody got the point. He wanted to find his own way.

"He's worried and wants-"

"I don’t need help! How often again? I don’t need anyone to hold hands with me, "Domen brayed at Daniel, who looked at the younger boy, shaking his head. "What?! Come on, tell me."

The Norwegian breathed deeply. He did not know how he should say it. "You should be lucky, to have people around you, who are worrying about you. Alone, the world can be pretty scary, "the Norwegian replied quietly, almost whispering.

Astonished, Domen stared at Daniel. _I have not seen him so carefree in a long time._ The words floated over Domen and suddenly he was sure that there was actually something that weighed on Daniel. And he felt the irrepressible urge to help Daniel. To tell him that no matter what it was, that it would get better again.

"Daniel, is everything okay with you? I'm vent out my spleen and- Even if I'm really bad at such things, you can talk to me, you know? "Domen started, and to his surprise, the Norwegian gave a small laugh.

"Thank you, Butterprincess. I appreciate the offer, but it's okay the way it is, "he replied, but his eyes told Domen that it wasn’t okay at all. If someone could recognized that, then it was him.

"You're as bad at lying as I am. I just wanted to remark that. And apparently you don’t appreciate it, otherwise you would accept it, "snorted Domen, stepping closer to Daniel and poking his forefinger into his chest.

"To put it in your words, Butterprincess: I don’t need anyone, who is holding hands with me," Daniel said in a harsh voice and grabbed his hand. The proximity of the Slovenian hit him unprepared. The world could have gone down and Daniel wouldn’t have been able to move.

"You should be lucky, to have people around you, who are worring about you" Domen replied and caught himself in the dark, mysterious fir forest in Daniel's eyes, who looked down at him with astonishment.

"Touché, but seriously, I'm fine, Domen," Daniel fought his way back to reality. What was he doing here? He had to end this now, before he made a mistake he couldn’t undo.  
"Sure and Peter and I are making each other friendship ribbons. Do you have problems with the team? "; Domen wouldn’t give up. He wanted to know, what was going on.   
"Butterprincess, I have no problem," Daniel replied curtly and pushed Domen a piece away. "Come on, let's go back, the qualification will start soon."

"What's with your mother? Is there a problem? "Domen asked Daniel, who had run ahead, and watched each of his responses closely. "Maybe the coaches? No?"

"Stop it, Domen," Daniel exclaimed angrily. Since when it was Domens mission to worry about others?

"Okay, then uhm ... what about your secret flame?", The Slovenian mused loudly, and Daniel stumbled over his feet. "Am I right?", Domen looked curiously at the Norwegian from the side. He was clearly better than he thought. "So, what did she do, your mysterious forest girl?" He asked darkly, cracking his knuckles. He didn’t like it, that she was the reason for Daniel's problem.

"I like to say it to you, too, again: There is no forest girl," Daniel riled and Domen just felt that he wasn't that wrong. Daniel's entire posture had switched to defense.  
"But there is something in the forest?"

"Domen, forget it!" Daniel exclaimed in panic and Domen found himself confirmed in his suspicion. He wondered what could be so bad.

"You know, I don’t understand you: You give lectures to me that everything is easier, if there are two people caring for each other, but for you there are existing special rules, or what?" Domen snapped insulted. 

"It has no traffic with it. That's something completely different, "Daniel replied and impishly wished he had never started this conversation. But it he had started it and now he must end it. "It’s frustrating, talking to a wall, isn’t it?"

“What?!” 

"Well, I think the way you feel right now, Peter always feels, if he talks to you. Frustrating, isn’t it? "Daniel dismissively looked at Domen. 

"Are you kidding me?", Stunned, he stared at the Norwegian who had just missed him a verbal hook. "This isn’t about me! It’s about you! "Domen exclaimed darkly, not liking that Daniel taught him that way and tried to snub him. The fact that he was right, didn’t make things any better. But Daniel was right. Suddenly, he began to understand how Peter had to feel each time.

"On the contrary. This _is_ about you. Only about you, Domen ", Daniel sighed and Domen stood speechless in front of him. "I already told you: I haven’t got a problem as opposed to you," he winked at Domen. "Hey, Andreas! Wait! "He shouted to his comrade, who emerged from the forest. "See you later, Butterprincess. It was an honor to lend you a helping hand." And with one last smile, Daniel leaved Domen speechless standing in the forest. 

"And I like to tell you again, slowcoach: I don’t believe you," Domen said softly to himself, as he looked after Daniel. Daniel had beaten him with his own weapons, but they were far from finished with each other. He would find out Daniel's secret. He knew it existed.


	12. Daniel - Garmisch-Partenkirchen - Day of qualification

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Laleh - Speaking of truth  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U1s99UxNdZY

"Did you see my cap?" Daniel was searching the whole Norwegian container, which appeared completely overflowing. The qualification was over and they packed their things to get quickly back to the hotel. They all wanted to switch off a little before the small New Year's Eve party in the evening. Finally, tomorrow it went on early with the exact analysis of the jumps. You had to keep up with your energy.

"How does the cap look like?", Robert wanted to know, standing next to him and put his suit back into the garment bag.

"Dark green. I know I had it with me, "he chewed on his lip and turned in a circle. It couldn’t be far away. He glanced quickly at his watch. He wanted to meet his mother. Together they wanted to walk through the village for a while. His mother was thrilled with what she had seen so far. And Daniel didn’t object. After all, he would be able to get out of the way of a certain Slovenian, who would surely spend his rest of afternoon in the hotel's weight room.

"No, sorry. Ask Tom. He is whizzed past here a few minutes ago and has turned everything upside down because he missed his glasses, "Robert advised him as he raised up some of his things, hoping to find Daniel's cap.

"Tom! Did you see a cap? Dark green? "Daniel shouted across the room. The addressed Norwegian sat in the back of the corner, his stuff already packed, he had headphones in the ear, eyes closed. Only his hands, imitating drumming, disclosed that he hadn’t drifted into the land of dreams yet.

Impatiently, Daniel crossed the small room as Tom didn’t respond. He pulled the earplugs out of Toms ears. Startled, Tom jumped up. "Hey! What are you doing?"

"Did you see my cap? Darkgreen? "Daniel asked, ignoring Tom's indignation.

"Dark green?" Tom repeated in confusion. Apparently he hadn’t returned to reality yet.

"Yes, I want to show my mother the city in peace. Our clothes are brash, "he replied, pointing down to himself and starting to lift Tom's pockets. Maybe it had fallen down, Daniel thought, kneeling on the floor. He should hurry up a bit.

"Ohhhh you want maintain a low profile. You won’t make a quick sde-trip into the forest by pure chance? "Tom grinned innocently.

"Honestly, you are impossible!" Daniel said, shaking his head. The fact that Domen had heard of the Forest Girl by now didn’t surprise him at all. Probably his lovely teammates had been running through the jumpers accommodation, asking everyone. 

"But why?", Andreas intervened in the conversation of the two, who had stood opposite the two and had just stopped staring at his cell phone, because obviously their conversation was more interesting. Unfortunately.

"Because you don’t listen to me: There is no forest girl!", He tried to explain, while he had grinning faces in front of him. No chance. Frustrated, he turned away and sought his cap on the table, while he pushed Andreas rudely to one side. He had other problems now. Why did they have to be so determined to help him? Why did he even say something? He should have known better.

"You know, you can tell us a lot, but we know there's something in the bush," Robert chuckled at his pun.

"Yes, and we think you should share what is going in in your life with us," Tom said with a serious nod. They really had nerves! Since when everyone was so interested in him and his life? That wasn’t good. Increased attention meant increased chance that anyone would notice anything. That was true for his teammates as well as for Domen. Only he could hardly avoid his teammate. That would become hard enough with the Slovenian. He didn’t need a bunch of cocky Norwegians, to spend over half of his day avoiding them, too. His nerves wouldn’t last this for long.

"I don’t know, why you complain. You could participate. You could helping me, finding my cap, " Daniel reminded his friends. He wanted to be away before the Slovenians had finished their team meeting. Minimizing the risk. 

"I’m touched by your deep friendship with us. Really, I could hardly feel more honored. It's like you're let us hold your jacket while you're strutting across the red carpet, "Tom said, reaching down to his heart. 

"Leave him alone now. You know he won’t tell anything not until he wanted to "Anders tried to save Daniel. "So, if I was a cap, where would I hide?" He began to think aloud.

The others, too, clapped loudly, excited because of their new mission, albeit under one or the other protest, and reflected about the psychological structure of the cap. Thankfully, Daniel turned to Anders, ignoring the others' remarks.

"You know, that they won’t abandon?" Anders commented, searching in the small closet.

"Eventually they will lose interest. Everything is going to get boring at some point, "Daniel said with hopeful desperation. While he was thinking about Domen. He had always longed for more closeness, but somehow that had seemed far more enticing from distance. Now there was this insecurity, the danger of being discovered and most of all the fear of encountering rejections. He felt cornered, except for the fact that he had a guilty conscience.

"If you say so… but I'm afraid that's not how it works, Daniel. This troup full of slobs loves you, they won’t just leave you alone just because you're stonewall them, "Anders warned softly. In the meanwhile, Tom walked by, wondering, if the cap perhaps was intimidated by Daniel's golden hair. "Maybe the poor thing is shivering in some corner", he murmed  
"I know," Daniel answered in frustration. He just didn’t know what he should do. He only knew what he couldn’t do. What he didn’t want to do. And one of those things was a coming-out in front of his friends and Domen. Especially not in font of Domen. He didn’t like to admit it, but he was too scared of his reaction.

"But in case you're interested: The boys aren’t the only ones showing an outrageous interest in the Forest Girl. Even a certain Slovene seemed extremely interested to me today ", Anders grinned encouragingly at him. With amazement Anders noticed Daniel's facial expression. Instead of seeing the sun rise, Daniel seemed to be concocting a storm above him.

"That's all I needed," he grunted darkly, unpacking his backpack again. Somewhere this stupid cap had to be. He had held it in his hand a few hours ago ... at least he believed it.  
"Okay, now I can’t follow your thoughts anymore. Why doesn’t that charm you at least a bit? I thought that’s what you want ", Anders scratched his head helplessly. There had to be something he had missed again.

"Found!" Andreas shouted triumphantly to Daniel, who quickly turned away from Anders.

"Thanks, where was it?"

"In Tom's jump helmet, but don’t ask me how it got there," Andreas replied, shaking his head. Daniel had no real explanation too. Quite contrary to Tom.

"It’s obliviously that the cap just knows it makes more sense to hide my face. After all, the girls faint if they see me. Regardless of the fact that it still makes more sense to save mybrain cells from freezing, while yours, Dani- Hey! No! Stop it! " Laughing and screaming Tom ran away of his teammate. Daniel, who tried to hit Tom with his scarf, was laughing too, but his smile didn’t reach his eyes. Anders asked the most unpleasant questions today. How should Daniel explain Anders that Domen just didn’t need him?

"Just wait! Your brain cells, my ass! Your IQ doesn’t really differ from the height of a carpet edge, "Daniel shouted as he edged past Robert, who blocked the way, as the door of the container opened and a shrill whistle ended the exuberant hustle and bustle.

"Okay, whoever wants to drive to the hotel should be present with his things at the team bus in five minutes. You could still do enough nonsense in the hotel today, but I don’t wanna hear any complaints this year about any traffic sign, that are covered by Norwegian flags. Geddit?, "Alex admonished his boys before turning to leave.

It has always been a tradition in Norway to officially flag the house on New Year's Day. Since the jumpers were always in Germany that day, but didn’t want to break with this tradition, they simply attached a Norwegian flag to their hotel room window. Unfortunately, the oversized flag, which belonged to Johann had become self-employed in the last year and had flown away. It landed on a traffic sign that had stood directly on the main road to the jumping hill and actually should inform about the parking guidance system.   
With that they had triggered a little chaos, albeit involuntarily.

Just like Alex now. Through their joint search after Daniels cap, they had made a mess and now, everyone started frantically stuffing things in bags, bagging jump suits or feverishly searching for wedges or cell phones. Daniel, who was done with everything, grabbed his bag and made room for the others. Anders had offered to take his things back to the hotel.

Under the stinging stare of Anders he left the container and dragged everything to the car. When he had stowed everything and turned himself around, Anders stood in front of him and pulled him into a quiet corner. "That is what you wanted, right?", He continued their conversation again and Daniel sighed.

"Yes, but somehow not, too" he stammered. "I mean, it's better to leave it as it is now. I mean: Be honest: It can’t go well," he mumbled, trying to avoid Anders' confused gaze.  
"No, I'm afraid we have to go back to the beginning. You have fall in love with neon green, you can’t take your eyes off it - which I still don’t understand ... but that's another topic - and somehow I always thought, behind this infatuation is somehow the desire for… well, fulfillment ... relationship ... and now you’re telling me, at the point your heart leaf in green is developing interest, that you don’t want that?! "Anders summed up his findings in surprise.

"Yes," Daniel answered curtly and looked around uneasily. He knew that no matter what he did or said, he wouldn’t get rid of Anders that quickly. At Domen he had at least the faint hope that he had scared him away with his behavior. Regardless of the hope that he actually had helped Domen. Daniel hadn’t known how to help himself in his panic. Even if it hurt him, he was sure that it would be better for everyone involved if he left the Slovenian alone.

"Okay ... no, I still don’t understand," Anders said bluntly. "What's going on in your head?"

"He's seventeen, Anders." Sighing, Daniel spoke out loud, what Domen had told him earlier this morning.

"OK. Seventeen. But that's not only since yesterday like that and eventually it will turn out to be an Eighteen ... honestly, I would rather think about the pighead, "Anders remarked a bit at a loss. The age difference, which wasn’t drastic and decisive in his eyes, Daniel couldn’t have noticed just today.

"Yeah, sure, but look at him. He’s constantly charged up, wants to prove himself. Domen still doesn’t know exactly where the journey should go. He has enough problems without me. I don’t want to offload this on to him ", Daniel tried to explain himself and thought back to their meeting at noon, Domens anger and his helplessness.

"But you don't do that! You shouldn’t always assume the worst. You've seen him, the way he’s looking at you and I’ll eat my hat, but his interest is no accident. He just needs a little bit to put the puzzle together. Okay, maybe he needs longer, thinking doesn’t seem to be one of his strengths- "

"Stop talking like that! Seventeen, Anders. I bet you weren’t a world champion in thinking at his age, too "Daniel stroke against Anders arm. It wasn’t that he was blind to Domen's mistakes, but Anders could already muster a bit more understanding for the young Slovenian, Daniel thought. "The way I see it, there are two possibilities, and none of them have a happy ending: both of them start with that he discovers at some time, that he is the Forest Girl: then he either will go on the run and he want to see me never again. Or maybe, he will digest the information after a little time, and possibly he will tell me in a more or less pleasant way, that he unfortunately likes women. Then it becomes really uncomfortable, every time we meet and worst case, the others notice something and then one comes to the other. Or, possibility number two, much more unlikely, as I guess, he discovers that he likes uhm ... neon green and then he will plunge himself into a crisis while he has to cope with all the shit, I've been thinking about already at the age of thirteen or fourteen years. And In addition, he has to fight against prejudices, this nagging insecurity, that will accompany each of his steps. With all the cameras around? This isn’t fun, and he won’t handle it well. And that's still euphemistic. Honestly, you know the way he’s jumping. He can’t put down his emotional life in front of the hill. And then I would be my fault, because I did this to him… I don’t want anything of that. So, I abstain, trying to get over Domen, so he can continue his life." 

Speechless, Anders stared at him. Daniel could tell by the narrowed eyes that Anders didn’t like what he'd just said. But that's the way it was. That was the reality.

"What about option number three? He could deal with it, after all, he has you as support and you ride together in the sunset? "Asked Anders, who simply couldn’t come to terms with Daniel's dark view and also didn’t want to. Daniel had not even tried. At some point it was time to continue with his life and risk something.

"Did you secretly read your mother's love stories again?" Daniel asked with a raised eyebrow. Anders couldn’t really be that naive.

"Mother! What does your mother say about that? ", Anders wanted to know. He decided to have a serious conversation with her. Maybe she could convince Daniel, that he was wrong. 

"Anders! Walking or driving? "Robert shouted to them.

"I come! And we both will discuss that later. This is complete nonsense, which is happening in your brain. Maybe Tom was right, and the cap is just for decoration, "Anders called over his shoulder and ran to the car.

Sighing, Daniel turned away. He knew that Anders meant well, but he just had no idea what it meant to be like that. To live in their world. He ran through the jumper's accommodation to the VIP tent, where he found his mother, who was engrossed in a conversation with one of her technicians.

"Ah, Daniel. I already thought, I would have to go by myself, "she greeted her son with a smile. She missed him, if he was traveling around the world to throw himself off of the hills.

"No way. Do we want to go? Before the shops are closing? I promised the others to bring some balloons and lead-casting stuff, "he said, affectionately returning her hugging and saying goodbye to the technician.

They enjoyed the evening mood in Garmisch-Partenkirchen and went through the small tourist roads. His mother showed much enthusiasm for the small souvenir shops. She had promised half kinship to write postcards. And she couldn’t hide her enthusiasm for the minerals and rocks from the area, that could bought here. That was something that sometimes drove him crazy: her enthusiasm for esoteric.

Daniel absorbed the relaxed mood. He felt strangely easy, because he was convinced his decision was right. Anders would understand him at some point. He looked surreptitiously at his mother, who considered enthusiastically some hand-cut amulets. He felt well and for that he was infinitely grateful to his mother every day. Did Domen have such a good relationship with his parents? Daniel couldn’t imagine which kind of parents he had. Every time he saw the three brothers, he could only guess that their nerves definitely must be well tested.

"Hey, Daniel. Where are you with your thoughts? ", His mother grinned and stroked his cheek. Caught in the act, he blushed. "Why am I even asking? I like him, "she told Daniel abruptly, reaching for a scarf that shone in the most beautiful reds.

"I noticed," Daniel growled and turned away. It was really hard to get out of the way of the Slovenian. Somehow Domen turned up unasked permanently. "The scarf is nice."  
"What troubles you?", She looked worriedly at Daniel, who took off his cap and ran his fingers through his hair. He always did that when he was nervous or insecure.

"Everything is complicated. I mean, I don’t know if-and I don’t want to cause him any trouble, you understand? It's better to stay away, "he stammered, wishing, given the worried look his mother gave him, he would have said nothing. He didn’t want to cause her sleepless nights either. It was enough, if he had to deal with it.

"But you don’t do anything! You don’t even have the power to do that. You don’t decide how he will handle it. Gay or not. Christ Daniel, you have the same right to love, whom you want like everyone else, and you shouldn’t feel guilty about it! That is not in your hand. I understand your reserve, but don’t blame yourself for everything and start living your life at last, "his mother said and embraced him firmly. He returned the embrace and inhaled the familiar scent of his mother, which immediately gave him a feeling of security. He wondered what he would do without her. "Promise me, Daniel. Take this as new year's resolution. Good performance, money or tough training... this are so unimportant. Try to find your luck. "

"I'm trying, Mom. But it's hard," he admitted sadly and managed only a meager smile. Especially since he knew that Domen was better off without this crap. All he wanted was that he was fine.

"Because you fight alone. Let someone help you. Anders is a good friend. Your whole team would back you if you let them, "his mother said firmly, and he wondered where she got that basic trust in people. But maybe she was right. Maybe Domen was right: he shouldn’t have any special rules. If only he could shake off the past. Just forget.

"Speaking of the team, I definitely risk their unconditional support if I don’t think about the streamers, balloons, and stuffing. Over there is a little shop. Do you want to come with me? ", He tried extremely elegant to change the subject.

"No, I don't want to. You know, that I think poorly much of it," waved his mother, who let him get away this time, and turned back to her stones. She knew when to let her son have his freedom. In the end, she couldn’t live his life, just stand aside with words and deeds.

"Correct. You're more into the hardcore herbal witchcraft, "he teased his mother, who enthusiastically leaned over the collection of native herbs, and gave him a kiss on the cheek. He wouldn’t tell anyone, but at home she loved acting out her esoteric tic by bringing him some weird teas supposedly bringing luck or burning off any herbs when there was bad atmosphere in the house. And he loves her for that.

Shaking his head, he ran across the busy street. You could feel the anticipation of tonight. Nobody paid attention to him in his private clothes. He loved being incognito from time to time and not having to sign autographs with every step he took.

He entered the store, which was filled with trinkets from top to bottom. Daniel could only make out a handful of customers who were in the store, walking quietly through the dimly lit corridors. He tried to get some orientation. Hygiene products were on his left, followed by a drink and food course. So, he turned right. There he hoped to find, what he was looking for. Here were storage boxes and gift boxes in various shapes, colors and sizes, children's toys of any kind, and next to things for the household. Daniel frowned: no matter who had sorted the store, he had not followed a particularly logical approach. Daniel was just walking past a shelf of shoes, which was followed by a shelf full of underwear and cutlery.

"How should you please able to find something here? I thought we would be back in the hotel soon? Nobody said anything about a maze, "Daniel heard a voice, that was only too familiar to him. Probably, the fate had planted at his birth a magnet in his ass that magically attracted Domen. Otherwise, Daniel couldn’t explain his luck.

"Don't be so fussy and relax! We'll be back before the weight room closes. Besides, you promised me! ", Another voice answered, and Daniel was pretty sure it belonged to Cene.   
Did Peter have accompanied his brothers? Although, rather unlikely. Then he would probably have heard the siblings much earlier.

"Yeah, but you have to admit that this could be neater. I mean, we can be happy if we find our way back before midnight, "Domen couldn’t resist, and Daniel heard the loud sigh of Cene.

"Why does fate punish me with two annoying brothers?" Daniel had to hold back a small laugh. Cene really seemed pretty annoyed and he could well imagine how annoying Domen could be on a shopping spree he didn’t really want to do. Probably the young Slovenian had so far only bitched. How was Cene able to drag along Domen against his will? Daniel would gladly have gone to the two and joked with them. Completely casual. But he reminded himself of his decision and contented himself with sneaking along a corridor, so that he could watch the two Slovenians through the shelves. It was better that way.

"Hey, you wanted to go out and if you negotiate a truce, then you should perhaps stick by your own rules”, he heard Domens grumpy voice. Truce?

"Because you've been so cooperative so far," Cene replied dryly and Daniel saw the next spat in coming. They steered unerring toward it, like the Titanic on the iceberg.

"Who is cooperative?" Daniel opened his eyes in surprise. That was Peter. Quietly, Daniel snuck a little closer to the siblings.

"Domen helps me figuring out what we don’t need tonight. Imagine that I almost bought ribbed underwear instead of streamers, "Cene remarked, and to Daniel's surprise, Peter began to laugh.

"At least, nobody would accuse you a missing of originality. This reminds me of Nika and her tepee few years ago. Mama was so mad and Grandma.... That was my best going-out nightgown, young lady, " Peter copied somebody with high voice, and wiped the tears of laughter from his face.

"I've always wondered why grandma has a nightgown, which she only wears when she sleeps not at home… Although… No… I may not want to know that," Cene joining in in Peter's laughter and through the shelf, Daniel saw a smile in Domens face, too. It was nice to see him like this again. His eyes lit up with joy, and his features softened a lot if he smiles. It reminded him that he was only a seventeen-year-old boy, who should always be carefree. Apparently, this had been a memorable event in which the three brothers happily reminisced. "And I still don’t know how Nika got the idea."

But Daniel had an idea, if he looked at Domens face. He showed his roguish grin and had such a knowing and at the same time incredibly satisfied expression in the eyes. And he wasn’t the only one, who had noticed it. 

"Domen? You didn’t have anything to do with it, did you? "Peter asked warily, noticing, how quiet his brother was. 

"Me? No! No way! I would never- "

"Of course not. What did grandma do that you had to build a teepee for Nika out of her favorite going-out nightgown? ", Peter looked at his brother, who was mistrusted.   
Apparently, he didn't want to listen to another sermon from his older brother. "Hey, we have truce, remember?"

"Yeah, and I'll kill you both if you will sabotage our first New Year's Eve, that we are going to celebrate together the first time for years," Cene intervened again, threatening his brothers by waving with a magic wand, which had pink feathers and a sparkling unicorn at its top.

"She took my skateboard away and forced me to do my homework. When I was almost finished with my essay, she took it and tore it, because she felt my writing as an impertinence. She just had to go to the ophthalmologist, "Domen told, and even today the indignation in his voice was clearly heard. In any case, he wasn't sorry about what he had done.

"And what did you promise Nika that she didn’t tell Grandma that it was your idea? I mean she loves you but bearing an angry grandma… that is true sibling love, "Peter asked his brother with interest.

"Pff, sibling love. I had to do her homework a week, Nika is bad-ass, "Domen replied dryly, while a steep crease formed on his forehead, which, Daniel knew by now, wasn’t a good sign. He wondered what had triggered the mood shift.

"Wow, not bad, but you were still better off. What kind of homework she had to do at this time? Please write the next two lines the letter a? "Peter laughed.

"Maybe," Domen confirmed, nodding. "What exactly do we need now?", Searching, the young Slovenian turned away from his siblings and Daniel looked around feverishly for an escape route. As fast as he could, he hid in the next corridor and, to his surprise, stood in front of a basket filled with streamers and balloons.

"Let's take a look at the checkstand," Cene called from somewhere and Daniel took two packs of each as he turned around and faced Peter, who looked at him at least as astonished as Daniel him. "Daniel, such a surprise!"

"Peter! Also the last purchases for New Year's Eve? ", Brought the Norwegian nervously over the lips. He wouldn’t betray himself now and Peter always had this x-ray view, which made one feel that you can’t hide anything from him. He hadn’t listened. He knew nothing. He hadn’t listened. He knew nothing, Daniel thought a little bit in panic, hoping that Peter wouldn’t notice his guilty look.

"Yes, Domen and Cene want to celebrate decently New Year's Eve, as they call it", Peter painted goose feet in the air and smiled. Although he might not want to admit it, Daniel believed that Peter was secretly looking forward to spending New Year's Eve with his brothers. Nevertheless, Peter seemed a bit unsure of him.

"Well, that's just how it is with a family", Daniel shrugged and tried to sound as uninvolved as possible ... "Or not?", Daniel looked questioningly at the serious Slovenian.  
"Yeah, yeah, but ... uhm, nothing," Peter wanted to turn away, as Daniel held him back by the arm.

"But what? I don’t tell anyone. Not even Domen. "Especially not Domen, because he wanted to stay away from him.

"I don’t know how to explain ... I mean, no, forget it. It isn’t important. The Prevc siblings are celebrating New Year's Eve together today, that's important, "muttered Peter feebly, crushing the teddy bear, that he held in his hand.

"For the press, maybe, but what's important to you? I mean, it's definitely exhausting to always have to live up to expectations ", Daniel thought aloud and Peter looked at him in surprise.

"Yes, but how do you know? I mean, I want to celebrate with them and it’s important to me- "-

"I didn’t want to say that it isn’t important to you. I believe you, really, but I mean we aren’t stupid and the jumper's accommodation is…, well, just like a village," Daniel shrugged apologetically and Peter understood what the Norwegian wanted to tell him. 

"Domen and me, we have our difficulties. What I want to say, somehow, I lack the connection to him. Everything has changed so much. I've been away so often. Before, since ... I don’t know and now I feel like I don’t even know him anymore. He does not listen to reason, reacts annoyed at each word of me and I, I just can’t deal with being the flagship brothers, which we actually aren’t ", Unhappy, the Slovenian stood in front of him.

"Well, at least you're here together," Daniel tried to cheer him up a bit. At first glance, the two seemed to be too much unequal siblings to be able to have very similar problems.  
"Yes, because Cene exercise his’s authority and I think he blackmailed Domen. I can’t imagine that he would otherwise spend time with the perfect Peter, "Peter said bitterly.  
"Perfect Peter? Nice alliteration. Domen's creation? "Daniel asked, unable to resist a smile as Peter nodded. As for nicknames, Domen had a lot to learn. However, Daniel didn’t believe that Cene had blackmailed him. If Domen didn’t want to do something, then he could only be blackmailed effectively with a ban on jumping to change his mind. And Cene didn’t have that influence.

"I just have no idea how to handle it. Somehow every attempt to talk has always made things worse. But I just want to help him, us, but that's not possible, if he is always the way he is, "Peter admitted ruefully and Daniel had to stop himself from laughing in despair. This was actually so easy. Both wished the same to be recognized by the other, to be perceived as independent, and to have a good fraternal relationship. They only had to manage to speak out and the world could get better again. If only all problems were so easy to solve.

"Peter maybe you could use the mood tonight ... seek talks with Domen. Without ski jumping. Just ask him how he is doing and explain him how you are doing. I think that would be a good start, "Daniel suggested.

Peter shook his head. "I've tried that many times. As soon as I'm involved, he stonewalled ... ", Thoughtfully, Peter looked at Daniel. "Can’t you talk to him? You two seem to get along well, maybe he'll listen to you. "

"What?! I?! No, not a good idea, "Daniel hurriedly refused. That would be the worst idea ever.

"Peter! We found the rockets! Come on! "Cene yelled from another corridor.

"I'll be right there!" Peter answered loudly and turned back to Daniel. "Please? At least one attempt, you would really help us! ", begged Peter. The desperation was written in his face.

The Norwegian ran his fingers through his hair. He knew that Domen burdened the relationship with his brother. Peter would help Domen. Could be a support if Domen would finally take off his pighead.

Then he hadn't to worry about the young Slovenian any longer and it would be easier for him to stay away, if he knew that Domen was in good hands. Actually, that sounded like a pretty solid plan. In theory, but as far as the practice was concerned, Daniel wasn’t so sure.

But his prudence could weigh what it wanted. He knew he wouldn’t be able to stay out of this, if he had the opportunity to help Domen. And even if he could only speculate about that, he believed, that Domen was here, because of him. And Cene and Peter were obviously at their wit's end.

Tormented, Daniel looked at Peter. He had the same eyes as his youngest brother. "I try, but I can’t promise anything," he nodded, against his better judgement. But first he'd have to come up with something to get Domen back from his fix forest idea.

"Thanks, really!", Peter patted him on the shoulder, before he turned away and ran to his brothers.

What had Daniel just got hisself into? Actually, he already knew that. Of course, to the next disaster. How else, should that end?


	13. Domen - Garmisch-Partenkirchen - Tag der Qualifikation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the Kudos! 
> 
> Cage the elephant - Back against the wall  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xlQ_NlX4MFw

The New Year's Eve party was in full swing, but party was maybe the wrong word. Finally, they sat in the dining rooms, which had been specially decorated, and ate a leisurely dinner. But they were in higher spirits than usual. Also, almost every jumper had a bag hanging from his chair, which would be emptied later in the evening. Many had paper streamers with them and small table fireworks.

Somewhat listless Domen poked with a fork in his food and looked around. They shared the hotel with the Norwegians, but he already knew that, with the Finns, and to his surprise, with the North Americans and the Swiss. He hadn’t met them until now. They all sat at their respective tables and talked with each other. Except Daniel and his mother, who were still missing. Would they celebrate together at another place? Domen had actually speculated, that he could grill Daniel about his secret a little bit more. Maybe with a glass of sparkling wine? Cene always became very talkative after one glass and by the looks of it, he could do with a bit of distraction.

"The Norwegians in their natural habitat. Very interesting, isn’t it? I mean, just look at Tom: he somehow manages to entertain the entire table and at the same time stuff his dessert into himself without spilling. Fascinating, "Cene, sitting next to him, turned to Domen.

"Indeed. But even better are Robert and Andreas. Look at this: Robert's food must be quite cold, as much as he has to tell and show. He’s still at the main course. I guess somebody will have to go to bed without dessert tonight. Andreas looks a bit suffering. You just don’t stop Robert that easily, "Domen chuckled, feeling a bit embarrassed, that Cene had caught him staring.

"What are you two giggling?" Peter frowned and leaned over.

"We study," Domen replied shortly. Wasn’t he even allowed to laugh anymore? He had heard this suspicious undertone of Peter already a mile against the nonexistent rock festival.

"Yeah, behavioral study of the Norwegians. The only thing missing is the protocol, "Cene explained their brother a little more willingly to give him the opportunity to participate.

"Don’t you think that's a bit rude?" Why had Domen just seen such a comment coming?

"God, they won’t sue us right away," groaned Domen, pushing his plate away from himself. Now his appetite was really passed.

"Behave yourselves! Truce, already forgotten!? "Cene intervened warningly before Peter could reply. "You two are worse than Nika and Ema, when they have a row about the remote!"

That showed effect. Peter turned back to his dessert and Domen also dropped into his chair. That would become a great New Year's Eve. Better he let himself choke, now, otherwise he had no chance to get through the evening.

"What was going on with Ema at Christmas, by the way? She has behaved so strangely. First she cuts off all her dolls hair, then she begins to set the breakfast table and clean the house and on Christmas Day, she has watched closely how I brush my teeth. That's not how I know her. Normally, she always plays quietly in her corner with her dolls and doesn’t mutilate them, "Peter wanted to change the subject to supposedly safe terrain.

"She hasn’t behaved strangely, they just talk about occupations at school and she wanted to figure out what she wants to become. And she hasn't played with her dolls anymore for months. Meanwhile she’s too big for that, she thinks, "Domen defended his sister sourly and looked at the clock. Seven o'clock. With luck, he would still reach Nika.

He got up under the questioning looks of his brothers and teammates. "Gotta make a quick call," he apologized and left the dining room in search of a quiet corner. But everywhere there was a lot of noise. The anticipation of the upcoming evening was just about everywhere and Domen felt out of place between all the good vibes.

Sighing, he finally fell on a bench outside the hotel overlooking the entrance. Next to his renewed rage on Peter, he had a guilty conscience. It was too long ago that he had contacted Nika or Ema. Not that phones didn’t work in both directions, but he was the older one. They shouldn’t feel he didn’t care about their lifes.

Domen pulled his phone out of his pocket and dialed Nika's number. While it was hooting, he thought about that day. Today had somehow been strange. Daniel's secret in the forest, the quarrel with his brother and now the shopping trip. He was reluctant to admit it, but as soon as they started being together he would have liked to jump at Peter's throat again. Peter had pulled a face as if he had been given the maximum penalty. Then he shouldn’t have let himself be talked into by Cene. Otherwise, perfect Peter was also able to give his opinion to everyone in every inappropriate situation because he knew better. Peter should pull himself together. Domen also just went along because he didn’t want to disappoint Cene ... okay, and maybe because of what Daniel had said. But just maybe. He wasn’t completely convinced of his theory.

Restless, he looked around. He hadn’t seen Daniel since the qualification. Where was he? Alone he wouldn’t survive the evening.

Did the Norwegian have something to do in the forest again? On the other hand, if he looked around here, the bushes behind the hotel had nothing to do with forest. It was too easy to be discovered. And Daniel seemed to care deeply about being undetected.

"Domen, what a pleasure! But New Year's Eve is just in a few hours, "the happy, slightly confused voice of his younger, lively sister sounded through the listener.

"I know, but I thought I'd like to hear from my favorite sister how she is," he replied, realizing how much he missed her when he was on the road. Did Peter ever go like this?   
Probably not. Then he would have contacted them more often, instead of talking to his father about his jumps.

"Don’t let Ema hear that," she giggled softly.

"I won’t. How are you? Are there any news? "He asked, leaning back and watching the stars appear in the sky. It was nice to sit here and enjoy the silence. Just takeing a deep breath and listening to his sister's voice.

"Oh, a lot. You won’t believe! First of all: Mama set her bread oven on fire, "she chuckled and began to tell enthusiastically:" She says she misread the instructions, but if you ask me, she messed up literally everything with the dough ... honestly, the dough was even before baking hard like cement ... I don’t think that it should be like that like Mum told me, "she replied thoughtfully, unable to resist a giggle. If there was something her mother constantly struggled with, then it was with her cooking and baking skills that, realistically, were non-existent. That's why they actually had a housekeeper, but like every year she was off between Christmas and New Year. The opportunity for their mother to test out if after a year something like talent had finally developed.

"Why doesn’t it surprise me? Mum just isn't able to stop trying and no: that definitely shouldn’t be like that ... that should be a new record ... only six days ... not bad ... the mixer from last year has held at least until the first of January, so then probably Cene has won the bet " Domen grinned to the sky. He could vividly imagine the chaos and reaction of his father.

"Well, anyway, tonight we go to neighbor’s house ... Everything smells of fume. So you don’t need to call here, that's what Mama wanted to write to you later, I think. "

"Ah okay."

"Yes, and then I was in the cinema with Maria and it was so great! Honestly, I need that DVD at my birthday! Memorize it! I really want this masterpiece ... or I will die! And that at my birthday, you can’t want that! ", Nika babbled on, telling him every single detail of the story that didn’t really interest him. Instead, his eyes were attracted to Peter, who went through the lobby. That couldn’t be true!

"Domen, are you even listening to me?" Came a voice at his ear, in the face of his annoyed groan. Quickly, he glanced around. He wanted to rest from Peter for at least a few minutes now.

"Yeah, keep talking," he whispered quickly into the phone and ran behind a car that offered him enough protection.

"Well, like I said, I want to sew something for mom, you know, because she's scorching her bread maker-"

"You want to sew ?!", he interrupted her in surprise, forgetting for a moment that he should be a little quieter. He clearly had missed that change of subject and Nika was talented in many ways, but handicraft was definitely not one of them. A year ago, she'd proudly come home from school with a home-made baking glove and Mama had praised her for the potholder. She had been deeply offended for a week.

"Yes, now wait a minute!", She hissed impertinently. "Well, the instructions say, that I need 1 ¼ m red fabric, 2 ½ m blue fabric and-"

"What do you want to sew?! A circus tent?! ", he hissed absent-mindedly and saw his brother step out of the hotel and drop hisself onto the bench he had been sitting in front of a few minutes ago.

"Don’t interrupt me now! So again 1 ¼ m plus uh and 2 ½ m and 2 ¼ m green fabric…Do I need... How much do I need in total? ", Nikas voice rreached impatiently his ear and demanded his attention, which moved more and more to his brother.

Somehow Peter saw, yes, he looked a little bit exhausted. He had pulled his legs up to his body, had grabbed his hair, and had uttered a cry that wasn’t clearly definable for Domen. But if he had to guess, he would bet on a mixture of anger and despair. No wonder. Since the beginning of the season he fought doggedly for his jumps. Domen knew that Peter was not happy with the change of his ski brand. And then they both crashed into each other constantly.

 _Alone, the world can be pretty scary._ He thought of Daniel's words. Was Peter alone? Not really. There was Jurij with whom he understood pretty well and Goran did his best to support him as well as possible. But was that enough? After all, Daniel also had his team and none of them seemed to know what Daniel bothered. In contrast to Mrs. Tande, who seemed to be well informed.

"Domen? Are you still there? "Nika interrupted confusedly.

"I ... yes ... but, wait ... what do you want?", Domen tried to pull himself together for his sister and to take off his gaze from Peter, who sat back and was thinking about something, with his eyes closed. At least, that was the way Domen would have interpret the steep crease on his brother's face, which had taken on an unprecedented degree.

"Seriously?! 1 ¼ plus 2 ½ plus 2 1/4 ", she repeated in the meantime, trying hard not to shout.

"Wait ... Nika ... I'm not helping you with your homework,or do I?!", Domen asked quietly, concentrating on the conversation with Nika again.

"Well, at the moment you're of little help," she replied. " 1 ¼ plus 2 ½ plus 2 ¼. Please? I'm only allowed to go out of the house when I'm done here! Think of all that smoke ... that's definitely not good for me ... You love me, right? You have to help me, whether you like it or not! The curse and blessing of family, or as Mama always calls it! ", Quoted his only 11-year-old sister smartly.

That’s why you have family. He looked again at Peter, who was still sitting slumped on that damn bench. Right in front of him. Somehow helpless and alone and by the way, far from perfect. _Why do we always have to argue?_ , Peter had asked him a few hours ago.

"I am waiting" His sister said impatiently.

"Six, Nika. Exactly six", Domen surrendered. And heard the cheering of his sister over the phone. Everytime she started to butter him up, he succumb after a short time, and she knew this. Nika wasn’t as innocent as she always pretend and Peter would know that too, if he would spend some time with her. 

"Thank you! You're the best of all brothers out there! "She exclaimed happily, and Domen heard the rustling of leaves and the scratching of the pencil as he sank against the car, dissatisfied with everything. Why was Peter so complicated? _Do you think it's easy with you?_ Peter crept again through his thougts, in chorus with Daniel: _It’s frustrating talking to a wall, isn’t it?_

"I know," he answered Nika with an almost wistful smile on his face. At least he was the best for someone.

He should feel blessed, to have people around him, who cared about him. Daniel had said that and he realized, that it wasn’t just an empty calendar motto, that you would throwing around as well-meaning advice at any opportunity that sounded nice, but actually had no meaning.

"I knew, that I heard something!"

Startled, Domen jumped, turned to the side and looked up. In front of him stood Peter. Hadn’t he just cuddled with his bank, a moment before?

"Hey, Nika. I have to quit. I wish you a nice evening, "he said hastily. It had been enough for her to notice the tense mood between them at Christmas.

"What are you doing here?" Domen asked, trying to keep his tone under control by thinking of the image of Peter, lonely and alone on his bench.

"What do you think? I was looking for you, "Peter answered, sighing, staring down at his younger brother.

"And now? ", Domen wanted to know a bit baffled. Somehow, he had assumed that more would come. He constantly had to think of the wall, which he only wanted to keep out of the conversation for once. Just to see what would happen.

Suspiciously, he eyed his brother.

"You really don’t have to do that if you don’t want to," his big brother growled, soundless, his gaze fixed on the void.

"What don’t I have to do?"

"Celebrating New Year's Eve with me. Just tell Cene, that you don’t feel like it, he'll survive that, "the older Prevc finally managed to say, eyeing his brother in frustration. At some point even the best athlete had to realize that he had lost.

"What?! No chance! You won’t blame me for that! At least once in a lifetime, admit it's up to you and not me! "Snarled Domen, who was completely taken by surprise by his brother's statement.

Daniel can get stuffed him with his stupid wall!

"Okay, fine: It’s all my fault. Whatever you like. It's my fault alone. The perfect Peter is to blame. Satisfied? Yes? Nice! Then after we make that clear you could go and no longer have to endure my presence, "Peter yelled at him.

"Which presence? You were never there! In winter, you are driving from one place to another. In summer: training camps, holidays together with your girlfriend or training on the hill! When was the last time, you had time to meet with one of us?! "Domen jumped up upset and both breathing heavily.

"That's not true! You have always been able to call me, I’ve never forgotten one of your birthdays. And what was at Christmas, please? Unless I'm harboring a multiple personality, I don’t know about, then we've spent a couple of very nice days together, on which you had to go to the weight room, "Peter rebelled.

Domen just couldn’t believe he did a soul striptease in front of his brother, but this idiot only blamed him and understood absolutely nothing. Again! "Oh, right! I just forgot the endless hours of conversations. Honestly, Peter? Whenever I called, you were on the go, and when you called back, I never had the feeling that you were particularly excited about talking to me. Your great interest for my life in the different forms of Uhhhms and Yeahs in a variety of toneless pitches was really touching. And how could I just forget the great birthdays? If you were there, just for a really dedicated handshake?! "he reveled in his memories while his voice dripped with sarcasm.

"For real? I'd never had the impression, that you have set great value upon my presence, but now where you say it: How could I have missed that? All the stupid comments and rejections ... You're right, I should have just recognized! "Peter retorted and his tone was in no way inferiored to his brother's.

"Arrgh! I just can’t talk to you! If anyone of us is a wall here, that's you! "Domen's thoughts slipped out in frustration as he scrambled to his feet and tapped the dirt off his pants.

"What?!"

"I said, talking with you is like talking to a wall," Domen snapped as he headed towards the hotel entrance. "Actually, I thought, we can sort this out, but with you, it isn’t possible."

"What do you believe, what I been trying for weeks? But your pighead, which is wrapped with the Great Wall of China, penetrates nothing! "Peter hissed softly, who sticked to his brother’s heels and followed him with a breathtaking pace through the lobby. Peter wasn’t comfortable at all, because he was well aware, that they would attract a lot of attention. But he wanted to resolve it, now.

Domen, who would have liked to laugh aloud at his brother's words, stopped unexpectedly. Intending, to tell his brother exactly what he thought of his attempts, but Peter, who hadn’t expected that his brother would suddenly stop, crashed into Domen with full force. Peter stumbled back and while trying to regain his balance, Peter cling to the first thing, he could grab.

The fact that this was the unsuspecting waitress, who just brought drinks to the table next to him, was really hard luck!

For a moment, Domen stared silently at the scene in front of him: the blonde waitress on the floor, who was still wondering, why she had landed on her ass, lying next to Peter, who was smeared from top to bottom with a mixture of coffee, wine and ice cream. His mouth slightly open, as if he were still in shock, crowned with a cherry that had somehow landed on his head.

"Shit, no matter where we go, the mess is coming," Peter commented the whole situation, more to his self, shrugged helplessly and looked at his brother uncertainly. "It doesn’t look like one of us is better than the other."

"It must be down to you," Domen replied cheekily. But this time without the usual accusations or undertones, because something had happened to him during Peter's statement. He could not really describe it, but Peter was right: They both weren’t unlike and for some reason he was overjoyed to hear that fact from Peter's mouth. It was totally crazy! And for a brief moment, Domen tried to pull himself together, his shoulders were trembling, before he burst into laughter that pierced the entire hotel lobby, breaking the silence.

Peter, laughing too, picked some of the ice cream from the ground and threw it to his brother, who skillfully dodged.

"Maybe you shouldn’t include everyone at your little uhm ... reconciliation party ... I'm not sure whether the hotel lobby would survives otherwise," came a voice next to them, that belonged to Daniel, who was wiping off a lump of ice-cream of his shirt.

"Yeah, I agree! If they can’t watch where they're going, "the waitress hissed indignantly, struggling to get off the floor under the curious eyes of the entire foyer. The next second Daniel reacted and helped her up. 

Daniel's mother looked curiously back and forth between the siblings her son had already told her so much about and observed a lot of unspoken things between them. It would take a lot of time and energy for the two to finally settle everything, but at least a start seemed to have been made. "Are you alright, dear?", She asked Peter, who guiltily looked at the splash of ice-cream, that stuck to Mrs Tandes pants.

"Yes, thank you," Peter answered with a guilty conscience and scrambled to his feet. Domen could guess how uncomfortable this whole situation was for Peter by looking at him. So imperfect he probably hadn’t appeared in public for a long time. He looked crestfallen, as if he wanted to crawl under the next table. "Excuse me. I'm really sorry about that. Of course, I will pay for the drinks, and the cleaning costs. "started Peter his apology marathon, collecting the broken fragments together with Mrs. Tande, Domen, and Daniel.

"Somehow you attract the chaos magically, Butterprincess," Daniel whispered softly and grinned at him from the side.

"Are you deaf? Peter had already admitted, that it was his fault, "Domen grimaced, wondering what was wrong with Daniel's brain. After all, Peter had knocked down the waitress, not he. And even if he had just taken peace negotiations with Peter, somehow, he couldn’t suppress this small satisfaction, that the waitress put the blame on Peter. Finally someone, who knew it right, he thought with a grin, as he noticed the reproachful look of Daniel, who seemed to guess in which direction his thoughts had wandered off. "I didn’t say anything!", Domen innocently raised his hands.

"But you thought it." Daniel knew the young Slovenian way too well.

"Just look at the whole mess! And my shoes! They were new! ", The waitress started to scold again, completely ignoring Peter, who was now quite more uncomfortable with the whole situation and continued to make his apologies, as if he wanted to try out how many ways he could do it.

"She’s also shrouded with a wall, sure she's not related to you?" Daniel whispered to Domen, who opened his eyes indignantly but then thought better of something.

"Oh, you know, that are old news. I'm working on my problems now and give people the chance to help me. Contrary to certain other persons ", he brought extremely prudently over his lips and saw how Daniel compressed his lips. The Norwegian knew exactly what Domen was aim at.

"Give it a bone, Ms! He didn’t do it on purpose. Better you change your clothes, before you catch a cold, my dear, "Mrs. Tande tried to calm the disbanded waitress when a small fat man ran over to them.

"We are so sorry, this little mishap. Please, leave the shards where they are before you cut yourself. Of course, the hotel takes over the cleaning costs for everything, " The man hurried to say in a submissively way. Surely, he knew who Peter was, Domen thought, and looked at the little man.

"Please, that was my fault, "Peter insisted one last time and put his hand reassuring on the restaurant manager's shoulder as the manager pushed them towards the elevators so that his staff could finally clear the mess and return to normalcy.

"This is one for the books! Ladies and Gentlemen: a historic moment. Peter Prevc admits he is guilty of something. You never have a camera, when you need it, "Domen said thoughtlessly with amusement. Everyone, except of Domen, had to change clothes. 

"Can’t you be quiet just for this one time?” Peter groaned with a look at the two Norwegians. His face was still fire-red as the elevator doors closed, which shielding them from the prying eyes of the entire hotel lobby. 

"Oh no, my dear. Better talk straight to each other, "said Mrs. Tande to Peter's surprise. Domen had known from the start that she was a nice woman, but that she would be that likeable, he wouldn’t have thought in life.

"Better pay attention to what you say, Mom," Daniel warned her quietly, who knew how this would end here and he had been quite happy that the two - in their own strange way- seemed to have made peace with each other. At least for now.

"You've heard it," Domen chuckled, looking at Peter's baffled face. "You could admit now that you like me, because I am who I am," Domen continued, and to his own astonishment, Peter's corners of his mouth turned slightly upwards.

"Can you lend me a shirt or anything?" Peter tried stoically to ignore his brother as always. He still couldn’t believe what had just happened and how it had happened, but it was probably better to keep Domen down to earth. This didn’t mean, love, peace and harmony.

They still had a lot to clarify. They both knew that, but now they were just happy to be able to handle each other reasonably normal and overdrawn their uncertainty with cheeky sayings.

"No,I can't" the young Slovene replied curtly. "I am sorry."

"Well, then New Year's Eve in training clothes," muttered Peter and Domen knew, that Peter wasn’t so happy about that. He was still Peter, despite the icecream disaster.

"Such nonsense, my dear. That's not tragic. Daniel can lend you one of his, right, Honey? "Mrs. Tande intervened, looking thoughtfully at the two former squabblers in front of her.

"Sure, mum," the Norwegian confirmed with a nod. Not that he had anything against it, but he knew this tone of his mother's voice and wasn’t sure if he would like, which would come right now. She looked like she was about to burst out with some well-intentioned, but very weird, advice.

"After we clarified that, we could briefly turn to your real problems, "Daniel's mother turned to Peter without hesitation. 

"What?", surprised, not only Peter turned to her.

"Oh, come on. The whole lobby has heard your quarrels, so let me give you a few tips on the way: You have to vent your anger. Don’t just always look stubborn. That really doesn’t do you any good. Follow your brother's example. Everything flows in him, your aura, on the opposite, seems to be constipated. That's why you're so unbalanced. Just let things run their course. You will see, that effects miracles and is balm for your soul and nerves. Everyone has to make their own mistakes. "

"Mother! Please! ", Pleaded Daniel. This situation seemed anything but pleasant to him and he turned away, embarrassed, hitting his head symbolically against the wall of the elevator. He had expected many things, but why had she spoke about her auras?! Couldn’t she argue with reason, like any other person?!

"Let your mother speak," Domen nudged the Norwegian with his elbow in the side. Did she really told his brother, the great Peter Prevc, he should follow his' example?

"And now to you, my dear," she turned to Domen, who’s laughing abruptly become silent. "What your brother has too little, you have too much. Sometimes a little bit restraint helps to clarify problems. Your aura will burn itself soon. Sometimes it's better to lean back and listen. Not always be hell-bent on getting your own way. Remember my words before you gag each other the next time, "she told them, as if it was the most normal thing in the world.

But Domen found nothing normal at Auras, and a quick glance at his brother showed him that he, too, was wondering which planet Daniel's mother was coming from.

"And because New Year's Eve wouldn’t postpone because of us, I'd say you, Domen, go with Daniel, then you can bring your brother the T-shirt, while he has a shower" Mrs. Tande instructed, as the elevator stopped and the doors opened. "See you later, boys," she said with a smile and walked down the hall as the elevator doors closed again.

"That uhm… was ..." Peter stammered, still struggling for the right words, his eyes fixed on the door. 

"My mother. Completely in her element, "Daniel helped him out. "She has her uh ... special kind." The Norwegian looked embarrassed to the ceiling. The ride with the elevater felt like on an eternity, because the embarrassed silence left by his mother wasn’t exactly pleasant.

"Specially is good," grumbled Domen, who for once hadn’t had the final say. Again, silence spread, broken by the ping of the elevator doors.

"We have to get out of here", Daniel pressed out and hurried ahead relieved. 

"Tell me, what's your mother doing for living?", Domen followed the Norwegian, after one last look at his brother, just to make sure that everything was still okay. At least for the moment.

"Well, officially she is a trained office clerk and works in a big sales department. Unofficially, she indulges her esoteric nonsense, as you have just noticed. She would probably have become a good psychologist, "Daniel replied, unlocking the door to his and Anders room.

Curious, Domen entered. The room looked exactly like theirs. Only a little bit cleaner. Okay, a lot cleaner. Propably it was possible to operate on the accurately made beds.

"Nice," Domen said and sat on the bed, which, he guessed, belonged to Daniel. At least, Daniel's backpack was lying stacked up on top of the bed.

"Uh, thanks," Daniel stammered, trying to ignore the thought of Domen on his bed. "But now you have to explain me: What did happen between you and Peter? " The Norwegian nervously fiddled with his jacket pocket.

"Yeah, um ... you know ... that ... we argued and then - no idea - it was all so ridiculous. I-… Ask Peter, he can explain that better, or no, better ask your mother. Yes, exactly, ask your mother... your mother has a better perspective, "Domen grinned cheekily at him.

"Wow, she should really ask for a fee, right?" Daniel laughed as he pulled more and more clothes out of his suitcase. "I had a second Shirt with me ...", frowning, he looked around.

"Never mind. Peter also survives an evening in not perfect condition, "Domen said generously. "Then he could start with your mother's prescribed therapy," he chuckled as he looked around the room. It was impersonal here. There was nothing here that would tell Domen more about Daniel's life.

"I already thought, that you would like that, but honestly: sometimes I would love to curl up and die, when she starts talking," Daniel admitted. Even if he loved her. Sometimes, but today, she had been just the overkill. Daniel disappeared in the bathroom to continue searching there. Because of Anders tidiness tick, he sometimes found nothing of his things anymore.

"I can imagine," said Domen and looked at his site. There was something brushing his hand. It was a piece of paper that had fallen out of Daniel's tracksuit jacket, which had been lying next to him on the rucksack. Curious, he looked at the sheet of paper. It looked crumpled. As if Daniel had been carrying it around for a long time and had read it countless times. Doubting, he looked to the bathroom.

Daniel still seemed busy. Without thinking about it, Domen put the letter in his pocket. He ignored the loud voice in his head, which yelled at him. "Does she actually do this auric thing with your girlfriends, if you introduce them to your Mum?", His fingers stroked the note in his pocket. It felt, like the letter would weigh tons.

"There it is," Daniel came out of the bath again and Domen jerked guiltily. "What did you say?" asked the Norwegian Domen, looking at him from his green eyes and holding his shirt for Peter under Domens nose.

"I asked if your mother does this auric thing with your girlfriends, too" he repeated softly, suddenly aware of Daniel's presence and the short distance between them.

Domen didn't notice how the Norwegian hardly flinched noticeably, because the note in his pocket with its sharp edges claimed his attention. Confused, Domen looked Daniel in the eye. His unpleasant hypnotizing look engrossed his and Domen wondered, what he was doing here.


	14. Daniel - Garmisch-Partenkirchen - Day of qualification

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter was/is really tricky to translate and that's why I just wanted to write some notes at the beginning. A little explaination of some words I didn't translate (I know it's not funny anymore if you explain a joke but yeah...)  
> The german word for mince is "Hackepeter". Composed of the words "Hack" which means "chop" in English and the name "Peter" (Please don't ask me why, I don't know... German is strange). Okay, I think you already know why I used the word.  
> And the second one I have to explain is "Petersilie", which means parsley in English. So we also have the name "Peter" in it.  
> That's important to know to understand the part in the middle.  
> Okay, like ever, I hope the english isn't that bad, so you could enjoy reading it at least a little bit. 
> 
> Hollow Coves - The woods  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CyNcgqUjRe4

"I asked if your mother does this auric thing with your girlfriends, too", Curiously, Domen looked at him and Daniel could only stare paralyzed back. The shirt for Peter, he held in his hand, lowered automatically to the ground. The word girlfriends floated uncomfortably above him and produced a huge echo in his head. It just froze every other thought in his mind. In complete contrast to everything else in his body. He heard his quick heartbeat, the rush of his blood, felt his breath, which had briefly stopped in shock, then had re-insert and assume an inconspicuous form of snap-breathing. All this roared through his brain, which almost desperately sought a way out.

That was exactly the direction the conversation shouldn’t take. Because of him, they could talk about sexually transmitted diseases or something like that. Everything would be better. "That's what she does with everyone," he finally choked out as vaguely as possible, watching Domens countenance. The sphinx let Daniel have a look looked at his cards and told him, through a dissatisfied frown, that he had hoped for a different answer. But which answer?

"What about you? " Daniel asked nervously, running his tongue over his dry lips. 

Tense, he studied Domen, who was only a few centimeters away from him. His hands buried deep in his pockets. How easy it would be to overcome the distance between them and ... Domen wouldn’t even see it coming. No warning. Nothing. _What about option number three? You ride together in the sunset?_

"That-um ... nothing. There. I mean, nothing to tell. Unlike other people in the room, "the younger one stammered in front of him, his lips twisted disgruntled. Daniel had probably never been closer to them.

Now get your shit together, Daniel! Distance! Seventeen! You remember? His mind struggled painfully to come back to the surface. "Oh, I don’t know, Butterprincess. Since you have joined the world cup, a lot of chaos has descended upon us all. I think there’s a lot to tell, "he finally explained with a raised eyebrow and a grin on his face, which shifted a bit.

"No idea what you’re talking about Slowcoach, but may I remind you that you too are mostly present. Just some hints: the falling skis, ice crash in the lobby- "

"Your garbage bag, your shoe, and I'm sure if I have more time, I can think of a few more things, that would clearly prove whose presence is significant," Daniel pointed out with the help of his fingers.

"It's always a pleasure to me to cheer up your otherwise boring life. Maybe I should demand something in return, "Domen grinned determinedly, leaning forward and Daniel began to sweat.

"Something in return?" What did Domen want to? Daniel stroke through his hair.

"Reward, Slowcoach. Like if you would be payed for something. My favorite currency: forest tales. You know, those that you keep under lock and key, "the younger one demanded, moving even closer to the Norwegian.

Daniel should have known which way the cat was jumping. Deeply he saw his opponent in the forest-green eyes, which were bordered by thick, long eyelashes, who had the the color of tree bark. Hastily he turned away before Domen really drove him out of his mind and he would do something really stupid. He knew he was already on his way to do so. It was time to stop it, even if it was hard. "Shouldn’t you bring Peter his shirt?", He reminded the Slovenian tonelessly of the real reason why he was here and wagged his shirt in front of Domens nose.

"But I can just start guessing again, too, what do you think? It has already worked well few hours ago, "Domen simply ignored Daniel.

"Nothing worked well! I just got stuck at a root and you have a vivid imagination. Well, and if you would be so kind now to bring Peter his shirt? After all, my mother is right and New Year's Eve won’t be postponed because of us, "Daniel ran to the door in panic and opened it. That was the broad hint that the Slovene surely would understand. They wouldn’t further deepen this conversation. Not as long as he still had a spark of strength to resist. After all, he would have to live with the consequences and not Domen.

"I'm sure you are. You know, Daniel, I don’t understand you somehow. If someone needs help, you are the first screaming `Here` and running to rescue everyone. Is it about you, you stonewall everyone. Why? ", Frowning, Domen had stopped directly in front of Daniel. The dull fan noise of ventilation penetrated the room, but apart from that everything seemed dead silence. They were probably the only ones, who were still on this floor.

"Maybe because you see ghosts?", Daniel asked soundlessly and would have liked to retreated a bit further. But he knew what that would have looked like. So he resisted and was hoping for the best. 

"What could be so gigantic extent that it shouldn’t come out from the forest in any case?" Domen approached him, disregarding any conventional distance that one would expect between normal conversation partners. But what was normal about them?

And just as Daniel wanted to start answering, he saw out of the corner of his eyes Domens hand, which had raised. _What about option number three? You ride into the sunset together?_ it shot through his mind again. Just as Domens hand came dangerously close to his face. Scared stiffed, he watched his movements, until he suddenly changed the direction. And the Slovenian put his hand on his shoulder.

Was he really so desperate that he started to imagine stupid things? Which, by the way, would never happen? He thought bitterly, suddenly feeling old and broken. How long should he still survive this? Why couldn't it stop?

"But no matter what it is, Daniel, the world is just scary if you’re fighting alone. How did an occasionally quite wise, if not quite so old man, say to me once –possibly today? You should feel blessed, if there are people who care about you. And I'm here, Daniel. Right in front of your nose and well, it's not necessarily in my nature to be patient and wait, "he shrugged apologetically, catching him further with his gaze. Until the Slovenian finally decided to release him and turned away. "If need be I'll force you to happiness, Slowcoach and one day you'll want to kiss me out of pure thankfullness" he disappeared down the hall, leaving a desperate Daniel behind, who burst into a nervous laughter.

If Domen only knew how close his last sentence was to the puzzle's solution, but that would never happen. No way. Frustrated to the roots of his hair, he slammed the door behind him and cursed his own advice. But who could have guessed that Domen had took it that seriously to his heart?! He should deal with Peter, not with him!

He stripped off his ice cream-and-coffee shirt, crumpled it up and threw it into a corner, then went to the bathroom and splashed cold water on his face. He needed to keep a cool head now, even if he couldn't escape the feeling that the noose was already tightening around his neck. It was just as he had said to Anders recently: all his energies were slowly running dry. His life was turning into a single fight of defense and he was just so tired of it.

Quickly, he slipped into a clean shirt and left to join his teammates. He urgently needed to think about something else before he was dragged further into that deep black hole that he would might never be able to free himself from. He had to distract himself. Trying to somehow keep his course, which was aimed at distance.

Breathing deeply, he entered the dining room, from which he had already heard happy voices from the outside. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the table on the right side at the other end of the room look at him, but quickly turn away. 

On the left side, his teammates sat around another table. Unified, they stared at Tom, who was standing at the front. Wildly gesturing with his arms. Alright, Alex had rung one of his games in. That has always been tradition. They began the evening with a round of pantomime to lighten the mood a little and pass the time.

At the other tables there was hustle and bustle too. While the Swiss played a game of poker, the Finns had already gone over to the ever-popular lead-pouring. Just now it was Antti's turn to fish his plumb out of the water again. Skeptically, he held it up to the light and reversed and reversed his misshapen lump. It looked like he had troubles with deciding what this figure could be.

"Is there something like a joker in lead-pouring? You know, like the rummy. You can choose something? ", He heard Jarkko ask, while scratching his head doubtfully, looking at his team-mate and the Finnish coach Andreas Mitter. Both shook their heads.

Daniel went past them and passed the table of the North Americans, who were arguing about football teams.

He passed by all those people whose biggest problem was sort of passing by the time until midnight.

"Daniel! Finally! Where ever in the world have you been? We are lost without you! ", Andreas jumped up from his chair and pulled him to the table under general applause.

"The Grand Master has decided to redeem us," Halvor shouted to him.

"Don‘t exaggerate. Give me some time," the Norwegian grinned and sat down in the only empty chair between Anders and Robert, who moved away a bit to the side to make way for him. Tom, who also appeared to be overjoyed because of his arrival, gave him a beaming smile. Tom approached Daniel, bowed once and kissed his hand, causing giggles all over the table. He strictly adhered to the ban on speaking that Alex had successfully introduced with the threat of a punishment years ago. 

"Wow, is it going that bad?"

"You have no idea!" Groaned Halvor and threw his arms in desperation in front of his face.

"It's his turn for an eternity. Probably he already acted us Romeo and Juliet without us noticing, "Robert grumbled, taking a long sip from his glass of water.

 _What about option number three? You ride together in the sunset?_

"And we all know that this lies beyond your horizon," Andreas laughed and slapped him on the shoulder.

"By the way, where we’re talking about Romeo and Juliet ... Where have you left Domen?", Whispered Anders Daniel into the ear, whose face darkened.

"How should I know that?" Daniel hissed dismissively and put his focus back on Robert and Andreas. He just wanted to enjoy the evening somehow. Spending it as normal as everyone else. "So, what do we know so far?"

"Two words, something with food," Halvor informed him, while Tom took his place at the front of the table again.

Everyone was concentrating on Tom, who painted something in the air, that had the dimensions of a tree and then signaled with his fingers that the thing they were looking for could…uhm ... could shrink?

"Where have you been, Daniel?", Anders used the opportunity, while Andreas, Halvor and Robert wildly shouted suggestions through the room, that caused desperation in Tom.

"Changing clothes," he answered curtly and looked around. He wanted to drink a glass of water or a juice.

"I already knew that, your Ma has been back a while. Unlike you and the little pighead, " He didn’t give up and his voice had a hopeful tone, that Daniel didn’t really like. 

_Promise me Daniel. Try to find your luck._

"Peter is missing too. They're probably talking, "Daniel said, hoping to get Anders to think about something else.

"Or they kill each other ... don’t you think someone should’ve a look?", Anders noticed innocently. Daniel knew exactly what he wanted to get at. But this time it just wouldn’t work. Finally, he knew that Domen had gone to his brother only a few minutes ago.

"They will be okay. A mushroom, Tom? " Daniel turned resolutely away from his friend. He wouldn’t discuss that today. In fact, he would never do that again.

Tom shook his head and grabbed his hair.

"We already had that suggestion. Just like a tree, Robert's stupid floor lamp, mushroom cloud, broccoli and cauliflower, "commented Andreas.

"Alex! Is that your term, Tom is trying to explain? "Daniel shouted amused across the table and ignored the grim looks of Anders.

"I wash my hands of responsibility. Tom wanted a real challenge, he got one, "her coach said sardonically. Tom, still burdened with silence, nodded approvingly and made a thumbs-up in her direction, as if pleased with the task. But Tom wasn’t as good at lying as he was, Daniel thought bitterly. Everyone knew, that he hoped to end this finally. 

Again, Tom began with his semicircle and Daniel once again hammered it into his mind to block all the other thoughts.

"Tom, can’t you just try it in another way? Honestly, we'll never get any further! "Halvor said resignedly and on Tom's face the first signs of pure desperation made themselves felt.   
Then he seemed to have come up with an idea and held two fingers in the air.

"Two words. First word, "Daniel realized and Tom nodded. After that he started to throw something.

"Frisbee?" Tom shaking his head.

"Boomerang?" Another energetic shake of the head, this time accompanied by a hand that Tom clapped to his forehead.

"I thought we were looking for something edible ?!" Andreas commented in amazement as Tom started to grab something in the air, leaping to and fro in front of them.

"Jumping Jack?", One of them shouted, but Tom didn’t even react and continued with his strange acting.

"That way it’s not possible for me to make sense of it," Anders told the round, only looking at Daniel, who shifted around on his chair. And while the others just nodded in agreement, Daniel grimaced in annoyance. Why could not Anders just leave it?

"You'll never make sense of this game, Anders. That's why I'm the undisputed champ, "he replied, looking back at Anders. The message had arrived, but unfortunately Anders didn’t seem to accept it.

"That's why you already came up with the solution, right?", mocked Anders and everyone else started to laugh.

"Yes, grandmaster of the pantomime. What's happening? Normally, you would collecting the next points, "said Robert looking at him with too much interest.

"Hey, I'm just like you dependent on what Tom practices. And right now, it looks like yoga for hyperactive people," Daniel defended himself and looked at Tom with a shrug. "Sorry, dude."

"That's Spiderman," came a voice from behind. Amazed, the entire table turned to Domen, next to a no less amazed Peter stood and smiled apologetically.

Silently, the two looked at each other. Nothing was as easy as it seemed to be. He had learned that by now. 

_Try to find your luck._

"See, Daniel? It's that simple! "Anders chuckled beside him and nodded appreciatively to Domen after Tom had raised his thumb.

Frowning, Domen turned to Tom. "Did he lose his voice?"

"No, strict prohibition of speech. Unless you are keen on dragging the suitcases of the whole team for a week, "Alex explained to the Slovenian, who merely nodded, following his elder brother to their table. Daniel watched as the young Slovenian sat down and as their eyes crossed again, Daniel quickly turned away.

"Okay, so Spiderman. First Word: Spider ... something to eat ... "Daniel began to think aloud and grimaced. Actually, he didn’t want to pursue this idea any further. He didn’t even like spiders if they were alive ... But again Tom shook his head.

"Tom, you should finally start with your term and not make a whole drama out of it! Can’t be that hard! ", moaned Robert and Tom answered with giving him the finger.

"No, this is a kind of mnemonic, so how is it going on?", Andreas waited anxiously for the next clues.

Domen kept glancing over to them too, as Daniel scowled. He felt watched. Nevertheless, he tried to keep an eye on Domen. He hadn’t known that the Slovenian had fun with such thing. And he really seemed to had. He leaned his upper body forward so as not to miss any gesture, his forehead wrinkling thoughtfully, his eyes narrowing slightly as if a razor-sharp mind were working behind it. At any rate, Daniel was absolutely fascinated. 

"Ow!"

Daniel glared at Anders angrily, who had kicked in his shin. 

"Everything alright, Daniel?", their ski technician wanted to know, who sat opposite him.

"Yes. I’m fine., Uhm…-, just an uhm ... mosquito?" Daniel stammered, realizing what he had just done.

"In the middle of winter!?" Robert asked, eyeing Daniel suspiciously. Embarrassed, he slipped around in his chair. Shit, had he really just gazed at Domen in front of everyone?

"Well, you know, you import so much these days, yesterday I've actually read a report on a mosquito species that is almost frost-resistant. Coming from Siberia, amazing, isn’t it? "Anders stepped into the breach for Daniel.

"Hey, attention please!", Halvor demanded from the other side pointing at Tom, who drew first on himself and then next to himself the outlines of a person.

"Spiderman was guaranteed to have a helper ...?" Daniel mused. Comics had somehow always passed him by.

"What?! What kind of Spiderman-Comics did you had? He have no helper. Batman sure. Superman, well, if you want to refer to Lois Lane as such, but- "Robert stopped his indignant monologue as it became quiet at the table. He looked at the others with a crimson head. "What? I loved reading comics as a kid, "he defended his outburst.

“Only as a kid?" Halvor asked, chuckling.

"Well, maybe I still read it every now and then. If I found a comic of my brother, "Robert grumbled.

"Yes, and he always puts them into your bag," Andreas bet smugly grinning and the whole table burst into loud laughter.

"Okay, so no helper, then maybe ... um, hey, what's the name of Spiderman in real life?" Daniel mused, and Robert groaned again agonizingly. "Parker something, right?" He continued without giving attention to Robert.

"Ahhhh, even more ignorants. Peter Parker, remember that. That's part of the general knowledge, "Robert said, shaking his head, while the rest chuckled and Tom exploded with enthusiasm. 

"Peter ... as something edible ...?" Halvor mused aloud.

"What about me?", It shouted from the next table and caused more laughter.

"Nothing. We are looking for a word with Peter that you could eat, "Andreas informed their neighbor, whom they had just torn from a lively conversation with Jurij.

"Maybe Peter in hacked (in german: Hackepeter)? Domen's favorite imag- ... uh ... dish? "Cene laughingly suggested, but Tom just shook his head, squatted on the floor and seemed to hold on to something with one hand and cut something with the other. At least he was clearly holding his fingers like a pair of scissors.

"Parsley (in german: Petersilie)!" Exclaimed Domen triumphantly while everyone else moaned at the table. 

"Gosh, wouldn’t have thought we could do it today," Tom said happily, and he gave a relieved sigh. "Daniel!", Reproachfully he looked at the blond Norwegian. "What's wrong with you? You should’ve guessed that within seconds! Instead, I am standing here, my despair growing by every single second who passed by, and you- "

"Our grandmaster has just found his grandgrandmaster," announced Anders quickly, who had the unpleasant feeling already knowing which direction this conversation would take again. Unobtrusively, Anders glanced over at his friend, who sat stock-still in his chair. 

"Are you kidding me? He was elsewhere with his thoughts. In the forest. I've seen his dreamy sighing deviant looks into the void. Concentration looks different, "he announced and suddenly the mood changed.

Promise me, Daniel. Try to find your luck. And what about possibility number 3? You ride together in the sunset?

Daniel wanted to kill Tom as all those curious glances turned to him. He only had wanted a quiet evening. One! Was that too much to ask for?!

"Sure, I was in the woods. Your imitating of Tarzan was simply unique, "Daniel forced himself to say, breaking out into a not quite real-sounding laughter. "I'd like to have a video of that," he added, and the rest of the table joined in his laughter and the conversations turned to other topics.

"Are you okay?", Anders leaned over to him.

Trembling Daniel looked at the clock, just to distract himself somehow. Just twenty minutes left til midnight, Daniel realized and looked around. Where had his mother gone? He hadn’t seen her since the ice cream accident in the evening. That was atypical for her. "Did you see my mother somewhere?" He asked Anders, ignoring the question.

"Uh ... spoken spontaneously ... no, but ask Jarkko, I last saw her by the Finns", Anders advised him, and Daniel heard at his tone, that he would have liked to say something encouraging. But he probably knew as well as Daniel that there was nothing.

Frowning, he got up and went over to the Finns. "Hey, um, excuse the disturbance, but you did not happen to see my mother? Anders told me- "

"Sure. She was here an hour ago. I think she wanted to go to the bar "smiled the Finn, pointing to his empty glass of water.

"I also noticed," Daniel rolled his eyes, as he noticed the giant figure in the middle of the table. "What’s that?!" He asked with interest.

"That's just crap anyway, we haven’t recognized anything," complained Antti and gave the strange entity a push, so that it fell over.

"At least, after your mother left, we didn’t recognize anything. So, we thought, we just stick everything together in the hope that we’re smarter afterwards. Sort of the prediction for our entire team, but if you ask me: a winner's cup looks different, "Jarkko grumbled, eliciting a small smile of Daniel.

"I think trophies of rhythmic gymnastics are always lengthy like that, "the Norwegian chuckled, still nervous but visibly more relaxed. He liked the Finns. And nobody here knew anything about a forest girl.

"Aha. And what does that mean? That we should switch the sports? ", Frowning he held the sculpture in his hands. 

"Or that our trophies need a visual change," Antti countered. "What do you think? As trophy of the Four Hills Tournament? Looks uh ... pretty special. "

"Definitely. Keep me up to date! I would be interested to know what Walter says, "Daniel said goodbye with a wink as he felt Domens glances, that hit him from the background, and ran down the hall to the stairs. Fifteen minutes left ‘til midnight.

Loud music sounded from the bar area, which was accompanied by loud cheerfully voices. Now, just before midnight, it seemed like there was not even one standing room anymore. The waiters jostled their crowded trays through the crowd. No wonder no one remembered to look for them in the dining rooms. Daniel glanced around the crowd as he recognized the pretty red scarf, his mother had bought in the city today, and which was hanging over a chair in a small niche. That couldn’t be a coincidence.

With difficulty he pushed his way through the masses. As he approached, he realized that a man was sitting at the table, he didn’t know. The chair opposite him was empty. So, he was wrong after all. And just as he was about to turn around, he noticed his mother, single-mindedly heading for the place, which he wanted to turn his back on. Daniel watching as she, laughing, leaned toward the man with the long brown hair and oversized checkered scarf.

"What are you doing?"

Startled, he froze. Domen had stood behind him unnoticed and looked curiously over his shoulder. "Damn, Butterprincess! What are you doing here!?"

"Well, actually I just wanted to see where Cene with our bottle of champagne is, but then I saw you and I thought it would be a bit more exciting to know, what you are doing ... hidden in the green", Domen told nervously. That this wasn’t quite the truth, the Norwegian didn’t had necessarily to know. But Domen was worried. Daniel was somehow so depressed and exhausted all day long, even though he was really trying to hide it. "And Cene, who once again had forgot his passport and therefore now is discussing with the bartender, is really nothing new," Domen pointed to the bar. And actually, there was a very desperate Cene, who talked insistently to the bartender, who only pointed to the sign above the bar. _No alcohol for minors_ , was written there. "So, what's - Hey, isn’t that Andrej over there? What's he doing with your mother? "He exclaimed in surprise as he realized who Daniel had been watching so blatantly.

"You know him?"

"Yeah, that's our-" Domen began to tell when someone jostled him from behind so that he fell unexpectedly against Daniel's chest. Immediately the Slovenian bop up, turning around indignantly and searched for the culprit, who had long since submerged in the crowd, as a stressed waitress pushed past them.

Daniel stared at his hands, which had just touched the young Slovenian and Domen turned back to him with sparkling eyes. For a brief moment, he felt trapped in a cocoon. He looked up in surprise as Domen grabbed his hand and pulled him through the crowd. Completely hypnotized by the feeling that Domen caused him to be touched, he let himself be dragged to the exit of the hotel.

Outside the cold air stirred his mind and he stopped. "Where do you want to go? It's cold outside here! "He asked Domen, who had already released his arm a few seconds ago and just disappeared around the corner.

Quickly, He ran after the Slovenian, who didn’t seem to listen to him. What was he doing?

"I wouldn’t have noticed, that it's cold without you. If you please would follow me? ", He grinned at the Norwegian and opened a glass door, which led into a conservatory, which was in the dark.

"Butterprincess, I'm not sure if that- Hey, no! Listen to reason!" Shouted Daniel while Domen, disappeared through the door without listening to him. Cursing, he followed him. It was warm inside. Much warmer than outside. The humidity was much higher. He heard the soft splash of a ... waterfall, he almost thought, but it was probably just a fountain. No, not probably. It was just a fountain. Damn, he felt like he had just climbed through the magic closet to Narnia! "How did you know that?" Daniel whispered thoughtfully, looking up. Behind the glass and the shadows of the trees and- or? palm trees ... the green stuff, shone the stars and the moon. This was like a lost little paradise. Everything was quiet, nothing pattered on him. Nobody tugged at him.

"We've been here for training in the summer. This is the spa area, meaning that is the useless area to lie around and relax, "commented Domen dryly.

"And you haven’t been lying around uselessly in the area?" Daniel guessed and watched as Domens silhouette slowly moved towards him.

"Lying around useless isn’t really one of my strengths," the Slovenian replied quietly and immediately Daniels guilty conscience reported again. He really wasn’t good at keeping Domen at distance, it shot tiredly through his head. Daniel swallowed and tried to prevail against his feelings. "Instead I love riddles," Domen announced softly and stopped directly in front of him.

"Riddles?! Damn Domen! Then buy a newspaper, play some computer games like any other, but leave me alone, because if you have not noticed, my life is no damn riddle! "Daniel hissed hurt. How could he have believed, that Domen really could worried about him? He loved the adrenaline, the adventure. That had been clear to his mind from the start. How could he have forgotten that so quickly? Whereby, if he thought about it, he knew exactly why. Feelings were deceptive things and once again he had fallen for them. The promises they wanted to make him. He simply didn't learn it. Angry at himself and the world, he turned around. He just wanted to get away.

"No, I mean - shit! It wasn’t meant like that! Damn it! Slowcoach! Wait! You know, this emotional stuff isn’t my thing! Please, I'm sorry, okay? ", He pulled back Daniel, who he really seemed to have hurt without his having wanted it. Domen felt awkward. "I'm just trying, I don’t know, to be a good friend, I suppose. Because I think you need one, even if he pretends to be as stupid as I do ..."

Silently, Daniel listened to the babble of Domen, his hand on the doorhandle. Ready to flee any time, as his mind told him to. But he simply couldn’t. Frozen, he stood there, let his shoulders sink and listened to Domens deep, gentle voice, which made him hope against all reason. But how often, he had already been disappointed by this hope. _I understand your reserve but start living your life again._ What should he do? He was so tired of playing this theater. This figure, in a play, that was called his life, and felt so wrong.

"And okay, maybe I'm not as selfless as I'm pretending right now. Have you ever thought about the fact, that I could need a friend, too? It would make sense... Somehow… After all, you have already meddled unsolicited in my life and ... Shit! Would you please say something now?! "Domen broke off, waiting tensely for any reaction from his counterpart. It had been a stupid idea to come here. He couldn’t interpret Daniel's facial expressions in the dark.

"Okay," Daniel said, looking outside. It had started to snow. Thick flakes sailed gently to the ground. Why did he feel like he had just jumped out of a plane without a parachute?  
"Okay? What do you mean?"

"Let's ... become friends, Butterprincess," he said, taking his hand off the latch and slowly turning around. He wouldn’t be able to keep Domen at distance. Maybe it would be easier this way. And who knew where this would lead him? _What about option number three? You ride together in the sunset?_ Shit, he would kill Anders! "Just give me a bit of time to get used to it. I can’t- I- " 

"Okay, but I'm here. And that's what I really mean. No matter what bothers you, "Domen affirmed, stepping closer to the windows of the conservatory. The glow of the streetlamps lit up his face and Daniel saw that the Slovenian smiled. He smiled at him honestly and he couldn’t stop his heart from wildly jumping around in his chest in pleasure for joy. It was so stupid.

At that moment, the first New Year's Eve rockets rose up and exploded outside over their heads. Surprised, the two looked at each other.

"Then um ... happy new year my friend", Domen looked at him embarrassed. "Shit, I feel like a primary school girl waiting nervously for the answer to her written love letter. Stupid, isn’t it? "He held out his hand to the Norwegian.

...

"Totally stupid. The same to you. Happy New Year, Butterprincess, " Daniel said with husky voice, before he grabbed his hand and they hugged each other. It was the first time he came so close to Domen, who just felt too good in his arms. Quickly he released him. Silently they looked at each other for another moment, before Domen said: "I uh ... yes, I think I should go. Peter and Cene ... they won’t be thrilled that I missed clinking glasses at midnight. But ... it probably didn’t even exist ... didn’t looked as if Cene had convinced the bartender."

"Sure, uh ... I'll go, too. See my mother ... um ... hey, you said you know that guy," it crosses Daniels mind.

"Yes, and I suspect something worse- No! Oh no! That's not what I meant, "said Domen because Daniel, looked at him in dismay. "Andrej is really nice. Our mental trainer, but well, what can I say ... He likes joss sticks, heavy arms and legs, rest and probably yoga and auras, too "Domen warned him, grinning, before disappearing.

"The process of having pity we really have to practice again, Butterprincess!", He called after Domen, who beckoned and disappeared between people that slowly flowing out of the hotel. Among them he could make out his mother and Anders, who looked at him smilingly.

"Happy New Year, Dany!", His mother pulled him into her arms and squeezed the air out of his lungs.

"The same to you, Mum" he squeezed out, freeing himself from her arms. Then he turned to Anders, who had stood grinning beside her, looking at him with that unpleasantly knowing look.  
"Happy new year, Anders", Daniel wished him and couldn’t prevent a grin on his face as well.

"Looks like it, Daniel. Looks like it, "Anders whispered as he hugged Daniel.


	15. Domen - Garmisch Partenkirchen - Day of competition

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kakkmaddafakka - Restless  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dwGO-wwKSjg

In hurry, Domen rushed through the people, who today stood around in groups everywhere and that preferably in his way. Goran would kill him, he thought desperately, dodging the end of a pair of skis, that belonged to one of the prejumpers. He had just completely forgotten the time, but he had needed the little jogging session.

All morning he had nervously looked for Daniel. So far, he had seen him shortly after his arrival, when he got out of the car. It didn’t seem like Daniel was desperately looking for something. On the contrary, he had seemed as carefree as the rest of the Norwegians. Tom and Robert had not been unremarkable with their white shirts and oversized Norwegian-designed flies.

Nevertheless, his thoughts didn’t stop to circle. They drove roundabout and that since he had come to rest tonight and had found this stupid piece of paper in his pocket again. He would have almost forgotten the letter, which he stole.

Out of breath, he tore open the door to the container. "Sorry for the delay!" He blurted out, louder than he wanted, into the room and nearly dragged his coach’s laptop from the table as he tripped over the battery cable. "Nothing happens!" He exclaimed, reluctantly turning to his trainer. Today seemed to be one of those days.

"Do you want to stand still forever, or do you finally sit down so I can go on?" Goran asked impatiently and seemed, to everyone's surprise, to renounce a lecture. His teammates also gave their coach astonished looks.

"Eh, no. Sorry, "he quickly sat down in his seat next to Jurij. He could hardly believe his luck. But maybe he would get his lecture later? He hated all this uncertainty. That made him crazy!

Dissatisfied, he looked to Goran. Did Daniel miss the letter? Was he the key to the puzzle solution? What was the puzzle's solution?

Domen hadn’t read it. Not yet. He had sat in front of the letter for several minutes, which had seemed to him like hours, while Anže had disappeared into the shower and he had considered what he should do. It had cost him quite a bit of discipline to put the letter in his pocket, which he had put at the other end of the hotel room. Okay, just after he had realized that there was no point keeping him against the light of his bedside lamp. The stupid paper was just too thick.

Without realizing the inner agitation of his youngest protégé, Goran went on: "In competition pay attention to the fact that the take-off is a bit more inclined than you are used to, especially you Anže. You have to stretch your upper body a little more after the jump off - transition, otherwise you'll end up with only 110m again. Geddit? "

While Goran continued to discuss the peculiarities of the hill, which he already had done twice, Domens hand unconsciously wandered into his jacket pocket. To the letter, which he had put in his jacket pocket again. Because he wanted to give it back to Daniel.

He had messed it up. Probably this time really bad, and their friendship hadn’t really started yet. And it probably would never have started, if Daniel had known what he had done. He wasn’t even sure if it was really as bad as he assumed. Finally, the mystery behind the letter could be a simple shopping list, not that he assumed that, because then the list would be damn extensive. Or it was just instructions from Alexander Stöckl. Written because Daniel occasionally suffered from dementia ... Sure, that would be it, thought the young Prevc while he wondered how stupid and naive he actually was. Still, Domen wanted to tell himself it was in the realm of possibility, because then he had not to feel as if he'd betrayed Daniel.

"Next. Timetable: the competition is about to start, so prepare for it. I want to see good performances from you today. Don’t let the press bother you. RTVSlovenija will do one or two interviews, do them the favor, "Goran continued.

From the beginning, Domen had known the answer to his doubts. It was right not to open the letter. Daniel had clearly signaled to him that he needed time. But could the right thing be wrong? It felt like that at least. Domen felt helpless. Almost tied up. He hated that. He was just not the man, who waited. He did something. Always. No matter with what consequences.

Startled, he flinched as a hand wrapped around his thigh and tore him from his thoughts. Jurij looked at him annoyed. "If these aren’t spasticities that are due to illness, then stop it," he whispered to him in a low, annoyed voice.

"That's certainly the after-effects of the hustle and bustle this morning," chuckled Anže on his other side. Beetle-browed Domen stared to his roommate. He didn’t need anyone to remind him that he had overslept again this morning, no wonder after that night.

His guilty conscience, combined with that gnawing uncertainty, had driven him crazy. For hours, Domen had lain awake and surrendered to the sight of the bleak ceiling, hoping to finally banish that letter from his memory. In the end, thinking about it all had avail to nothing, except that now he knew that at the ceiling were exactly 84 slabs of ceiling, which he had been able to count thanks to the dim light of the street lamp.

"Psst!", It came from Peter, who sat diagonally opposite them and wanted to listen to the instructions of their coach.

"Would you please release my leg? I need it myself, "Domen demanded, pulling it away momentarily and resolutely looking forward again.

"Yes, but not right now. Give it a rest, "said Jurij and turned back to their head coach.

"Funny, very funny," Domen said not amused, while Goran chattered about great media attention. Domen was tense, especially in the neck, and he began to circle with his shoulders. This feeling of being unable to do anything and being somehow in limbo blistered him. That was just not his world, he decided to himself, creaking each finger bone as Jurij slowly began to boil with rage beside the young Slovenian.

The young Prevc scion was really not known for his inner peace, but today it was especially bad. Wasn't the kid able to even sit still?! Annoyed, Jurij kept glancing over at his younger teammate, who didn’t notice the death glare, because he had closed his eyes, as he shook his arms and made the whole bench bob.

"Can’t you stop the wriggling?! It sucks! ", He said softly and Domen frowned at him.

"I'm not wriggling!" He said firmly. He just tried to keep his joints moving and somehow distracting himself. He knew exactly what he should do. What he had to do to survive this almost endless day. But Domen was also pretty sure he didn’t want that.

"Is there any problem, Domen?" Goran asked, noticing the turmoil and now scowling at them. He didn’t do this meeting for fun.

"No problem. Everything’s fine. Media attention go on Goran. Very exciting, "Domen tried to stay serious and saw Goran's eyes contract a little, but instead of lecturing him, Goran left it at that again. "So, important: keep expectations on the ground, we work piece by piece ..."

"Did that have to be now?" Domen hissed softly to Jurij. He had already had enough of trouble yesterday and he still didn’t know what to expect because of his late arrival.   
"You are the one who can’t stop," Jurij muttered, keeping a close eye on Goran, who was discussing something with Peter. The eldest Prevc casted warning glances at them over and over again.

"I-"

"Guys!", Jernej warned, before the two would go to each other's throats. But it already was too late. Menacingly, Goran position himself in front of Domen.

"Domen, I'm thrilled that you soak every word in, that I say," Goran said, grinning, making Domen feel sick. No matter what would come now, he probably wouldn’t like it.

"Sorry, Jurij had a question about your last point and we didn’t want to interrupt you," the young Slovenian swallowed and tried to save himself somehow.

"Sure, he had that," Goran commented dryly. "Well then, you know what to do. Good luck, "the coach finished the meeting and just as Domen wanted to begin to search for Daniel, he was whistled back while the others disappeared one after another to warm up.

"Domen, I know you're not necessarily good friends with your watch, but if this continues, the consequences will be bad. Do you understand?" Goran looked at him on edge and Domen knew it was better now just to nod. Especially if he really wanted to see Daniel before the competition. He had to see him. He needed to know if the loss bothered him. If Daniel wasn’t one hundred percent with his thoughts at the competition later, because he missed the letter... He would never forgive himself. After all, Daniel was still in a promising position and he didn’t know anyone he grants the victory more than Daniel.

"Nice that we agree. Oh, and that also applies to your meeting tomorrow at eleven with Andrej. Geddit? ", His coach continued and Domen would like to blow a gasket indignantly. Hadn’t Goran said he would defer the punishment until next time? "I don’t care what you mean. I am your coach, I say what is done. Point, "he muttered, choking off any protest as he turned away and folded his laptop to head to the trainer's tower.

"Understood," the young Prevc resigned. Goran looked at him again, astonished. That the boy would fold that quickly, was almost a bit untypical for him.

But Domen realized who had the upper hand, and if he thought about it, he didn’t care. There was a more important thing at the moment.

Now attack was the best defense, he had always believed that. He would now go search for Daniel, checking out the situation and then decide what he should do. Maybe he even got the opportunity to put the note back in Daniel's jacket. Then it would be as if he had never gone under the thieves. Determined, Domen made the search.

"Happy New Year!", Smiling happily, Michael Hayböck, the tall blond Austrian, ran past him with his skis on his shoulders. The sun shone down on them, giving not only the hill a majestic look. The sun made for an unusually calm and happy atmosphere. Congratulations were exchanged everywhere. They took the opportunity to stop and chat for a while, while on other normal days of competition, the tension before the upcoming competition would have long been palpable.

"Same to you!", Domen called after him without really stopping and made his way to the Norwegian container, slower than he liked. He kept his eyes open, not that he missed Daniel on the way. Fortunately, the Norwegians' blue jackets were pretty much outstanding.

And indeed: He found Daniel in the small square where he had played yesterday with the German Volleyball. Today they had Daniel as reinforcements, who played in the team of Severin and Richard. His heart began to beat nervously.

Temporizing, he stopped to assessing the situation. At least, Daniel didn’t look like he'd had a sleepless night because of a missing letter. On the other hand, Domen knew by now that it was hard to look at Daniel’s cards. The Norwegian was a damn good actor if he wanted to.

Argh! He shouldn’t worry so much! That wouldn't help him, as he had already stated. Instead, he should pull himself together and finally get it over with. It was atypical for him to hesitate. Usually he preferred the mallet method. But on the other hand, it wasn’t that important to him like this time.

Frowning, he watched Daniel as he hit the ball with all his might on the other side. Andreas sprang to the side but reached the ball only with his fingertips before landing on the floor.

"Shit!", The German vent his anger.

"How was that? Loser team?" Daniel grinned at the German and wiped a strand of hair from his face.

He seemed relaxed. His laugh beamed with the sun. That's how it should be, thought Domen, who liked the sight and who was coming closer to the field in the shadow of the technician's containers. From here he had an undisturbed look at Daniel. Domen began with a few exercises for warming up, so he wouldn’t stand around pointlessly in the area, but still could watch the game.

"One point doesn’t make a winner yet, Tande," Andreas shouted warningly and returned to his place, while Richard burst out laughing on the other side and struggled to pull himself together again.

"What's wrong with you?", Andreas asked and scratched his head helplessly. The German had no idea what exactly he had said that should have been so funny. The others also eyed the young Saxon, who wiped tears of laughter from his face.

"Yeah, but ... it's so good ... haha ... that words out of your mouth ... hihi ... sorry ... I ..." Richard stood in front of them, barely making a sound, clapping his hands and fidgeting wildly, reminding Domen of a mentally retarded Seabird. "But that's so ... just the idea ... a candle isn’t a candlelit dinner either ... hahaha," he finally squeezed out and Domen frowned. From Daniel's face, he realized that he seemed to have at least a clue what Richard was referring to.

"I don’t know what you mean," Andreas shouted back, shrugged his shoulders and stared defiantly at his older comrade while the rest had also burst into laughter.

"What have you done to Caro again?", Daniel turned also interested to the German and Domen saw how a broad grin on the face of the Norwegian spread, laugh lines formed around his green eyes, which began to shine. 

"I didn’t do anything-" –

"That's the way to describe it ...", interrupted Richard, who pulled a handkerchief from his pants and earned a bad look from his colleague.

"Hey, we had candles, a little music and food. What more do you want? "Andreas defended himself and didn’t quite understand exactly what was wrong. He hadn’t understood that yesterday when his girlfriend accused him that they also could have had their dinner at a trash dump. But they had agreed, not to make a lot of fuss on New Year's Eve. He had only sticked by what, they had discussed.

"You had one candle that you had to blow out because of the fire regulations, your so-called music was the annoying ruckus from the radio, the turkish radio by the way, and the food, well ... Caro seemed a little bit off color this morning ...", Severin chattered, and Daniel shook his head in disbelief.

Even Domen couldn’t help and started laughing in his corner. He had no idea about relationshsips, but at least he would have chosen a different location. The spa area would have been perfect, it shot through his mind and briefly he saw Daniel again in front of him, illuminated by the moonlight.

"That wasn’t the food! She caught a cold! ", Andreas threw up his arms while Richard and Severin shook their heads in amusement. Andreas and romance somehow didn’t fit together. They had told the young German weeks before, he should take care of a proper New Year's Eve ambience. Severin had already made reservations for the small log cabin a month in advance.

"Yeah, because you didn’t manage to read the opening hours correctly and you spent over an hour out in the cold until you found a pub that had a little spot left. No wonder she was so angry, "commented Markus dryly. "Sorry Welle but even my skis are more romantic than you."

"Stop laughing now. Finding youself a girlfriend first, then we will continue talking," Andreas alternately pointed to Daniel and Markus.

As soon as the words came from Andreas mouth, Domen noticed how Daniel's grin weakened and the laughter lines disappeared. This led Domen to the only possible conclusion: Daniel had lovesickness. But why had he always denied that? Lost in thought, he reached into his pocket and stroked above the sharp edges of the paper.

"Happy New Year!"

Startled, Domen jumped as Anders Fannemel unexpectedly moved into his field of vision and blocked his eyes on Daniel. "Happy New Year," he replied unwillingly, stepping aside unobtrusively.

"May I?" asked Anders to Domen's displeasure, positioned himself at the bench where he began, without waiting for Domen's answer, to loosen his shoulders, again blocking his view.

"Be my guest," the Slovene murmured obediently. He had no nerve for small talk now. He started with a few more new exercises and took the opportunity for a few more steps to the right.

"Nice view, huh?" Anders commented, looking directly at him. Something in his watchful eye made Domen restless again.

"Yes, really perfect weather for jumping. Sunshine, hardly any wind. Will be an exciting competition. I hope it stays that way, "Domen replied noncommittally and turned aside, away from Anders. Maybe he should tell Daniel that whoever she was, she wasn’t worth the whole rigmarole. Daniel deserved someone, who would make him happy. When Domen finally turned around, he realized that there was no sign of Daniel anymore. The volleyball game was obviously over for the Norwegian. Seeking, he let his gaze roam the area.  
"Right, the weather," Anders mumbled, shaking his head and watching the young Slovenian in front of him. Actually, it was so obvious. Only Domen and Daniel himself seemed to haven’t a clue.

Domen, who paid little attention to Anders, noticed how the door of the Norwegian accommodation opened and Daniel stepped out again. He had exchanged his thick jacket for a thinner model. He watched as Daniel turned and set off. But wherever he wanted to go, he didn’t get far. Already at the next container Daniel was stopped.

Frowning, Domen stared at the two of them, who hugged each other for a moment, watching Daniel laugh at something that the young Finn gave to Daniel. Domen had already seen the two giggling together last night at the small New Year's Eve party. He hadn’t even known that Jarkko and Daniel were friends, he thought grimly. 

Domen watched as Daniel admired some black thing and Jarkko patted his shoulders. "What are they doing?" Domen impatiently asked and Anders registered Domen's scowl, which he clearly had because of the Finn.

"No idea, but Daniel seems to like it. Like everything Jarkko says. Well, they get along really well, "Anders said, watching every movement of Domens facial expressions closely. The fact that he had exaggerated a little was nothing the Slovenian in front of him must know.

"Yes, Daniel is downright euphoric," he grumbled darkly. It did not suit him at all to see Daniel and Jarkko that way. Daniel even had a little laugh on his lips again. The two joked carefree with each other. All that was missing was the forest and the snowballs, and the two of them would be a perfect copy of Jay and the Christmas man, Domen thought. Stop! What!? What had he thought?! His brain had to be completely out of commission, if it made such comparisons, he thought gloomily.

Domen was too busy with his thoughts, too busy to observe each movement of the two, that he didn’t realize Anders grinning face. Just the thought, Jarkko could know more than him ...

"Sure, he likes Jarkko. I mean, who doesn’t like him? He is nice to all, has sense of humor and is down-to-earth ", Anders commented and saw how his words darkened the face of Domen.

"-house-trained. Should I ask if he’s still looking for a new owner? "Domen grumbled and didn’t understand all the excitement about Jarkko. If he was honest, he found him exhausting. He had a pushy laugh, was just everywhere and annoying. 

"Maybe he has already found one?", Anders asked provocatively and grinned with the sun, while Domen had clenched his hands into fists, unconsciously.

And just when Domen wanted to give the Norwegian a not very nice answer, Daniel discovered the two and quickly said goodbye to the Finn. Relieved and somehow content Domen breathed out as Daniel came running up to them.

"Anders, Domen. What are you doing here? "Daniel greeted the two and Domen noticed that Daniel looked at Anders suspiciously.

"Don’t worry. I just reassured Domen and said you won’t exchange him so fast, "Anders grinned cheekily, as a very uncomfortable blazing heat spread throughout Domen's body. In his head Jay was haunting the Christmas-man again, this time dressed as Daniel and Jarkko.

"What? No! I mean, I just wanted to- um- so actually ... "Think, Domen! What did you want? Oh, the letter. It suddenly seemed so far away ... But no. Domen continued to fight the images in his head and tried to dodge the surprised looks of Daniel. "I meant, I wanted to ask if we wanted to go out for a jog, but then I didn’t want to disturb you at the game," he stammered and looked around. Somewhere here had to be a hole where he could crawl ...

"Yes, he has been here that long and was really keen on Jarkko. Of this weird thing, which Jarkko has held in his hands, "sneered Anders. Domen would like to trample the Norwegian on his foot. What should that be? It sounded as if he was jealous of Jarkko! That was completely nonsense! Why should he be?!

"Didn’t you want to play table tennis with Robert or something?" Daniel asked darkly, wondering what his friend was thinking. He had made it clear to him, that he wanted it, just the way it was now. Why couldn’t Anders just accept that and just stop to embarrass Domen with his delusions?

"Yes, that's right. Then I'll leave you two alone, "the little Norwegian said smugly and disappeared.

Embarrassing silence spread that made Domen restless. The fact that Daniel didn’t give the impression that he was missing something made it not better at the moment. Domen knew he should be relieved, instead he looked at Daniel and wondered why the Norwegian was keen on the Finn. Anders words had left a bitter and above all lasting aftertaste with him. But he wasn’t jealous!

"Shall we go now? It's almost one hour to the competition, "he suggested to Daniel. Then he could finally silence his thoughts and at the same time knew where Daniel was. That's what he called a classic win-win situation. 

"Why not. My mother seems to have disappeared anyway, "Daniel replied and together they ran into the forest. Silence embraced her. The birds chirped in the trees, the wind blew softly through the branches, which softly yielded and gently swayed to and fro in their own rhythm. The trees occasionally let sunbeams through the otherwise dense fir ceiling.

Hopefully, Daniel didn’t take Anders's words seriously. All of that was terribly embarrassing. He felt he had to justify why he had been watching Daniel for so long, even though he knew it would probably be better to just shut up. Damn it!

"Your game was very amusing, by the way. I keep wondering why Andreas doesn’t give up. Honestly, he is good in ski jumping. But volleyball? "He began the conversation as inconspicuously as possible. "And Jarkko, maybe he should go to an optician ... What did he show you?"

"Oh, they stuck together their plumb figures yesterday. So to speak, the prediction for the whole team, "Daniel told as they turned into the forest and the sounds from the jumpers accommodation were fading more and more.

"Aha. Well, not everyone can be artistically gifted ", Domen couldn’t help but say. He wasn’t jealous, he thought grimly. Anders was wrong. 

"Everything all right with you?", Asked Daniel surprised.

"Sure, everything is fine," Domen grumbled and kept walking. Why didn’t he feel that way? Why did Daniel liked to talk with Jarkko? In his mind's eye, yesterday's evening flashed again. He saw Daniel walking to Jarkko, laughing and joking with him. It had disturbed him and helped to give in to his urge to follow Daniel. He had wanted to know what the two had discussed. How Jarkko managed to distract the Norwegian a little from his mar thoughts. "And you get along well? You and ... Jarkko? I didn’t know, that you deal with him so much ... "

"Well, how to meet like that ... Is everything really all right with you? Stress with Peter again? Or Goran? Or did Anders say something to you? "Daniel couldn’t escape the feeling that something escaped him. Nervously, he ran his tongue over his lips and stopped. "Don’t take him too seriously. Anders likes to rag people, you know? "

Relieved, Domen breathed, turned and they walked on together. Daniel didn’t take Anders' comments seriously. "Yes No. Alright. "At least that's what it should be. So, what was his problem? Asked the young Slovene, searching for an answer that somehow made sense.

As the road narrowed, he gave Daniel the lead and clung to his heels. Thoughtfully, Domen stared at Daniel, watching the light and shadow travel over his back. Daniel was really graceful in his movements, thought Domen, lost in thought as he noticed that Daniels laces had loosened.

"Hey, Slowcoach! Watch out, your laces are open, before you hurt yourself, "he shouted from behind.

"Your concern is truly poignant, Butterprincess," Daniel laughed and stopped.

"How true! I want to win fair against you today, "he replied cheeky and felt suddenly better. Familiar territory. He could deal much better with this. And Daniel had also dropped his watchful suspicious look.

"Forget it! Today it's my turn, "announced the Norwegian with self-confidence. But Domen hadn’t expected anything else. After all, Daniel had every reason to do so. He had proved that. He was in great shape.

"I’m not sure. And it’s always nice to know you behind me. Besides, such a second place isn’t a bad performance, "Domen said patronizingly when he was suddenly hit on the shoulder. Astonished, he looked at Daniel, who holding a pine cone in his hand. "Very generous of you, but I think it's about time somebody pulls you off your high horse, Butterprincess," Daniel teased.

"Oh, and you think you're the right one?" Domen smirked, bringing a little distance between them. He didn’t want to make it too easy for the Norwegian.

"Who, if not me?" Daniel asked, approaching him threateningly. "After all, we’re friends now," added the Norwegian. And for a moment, Domen felt that the scene seemed vaguely known to him. "And what are friends for?"

"Maybe to stop your megalomania?" Domen suggested as he also armed himself with a few cones. Lurking, the two of them wandered around each other, waiting to see who would take the first step.

"I think you're confusing something," Daniel teased and as he said that, Domen hit the Norwegian with the cone at the stomach.

"1: 1 Slowcoach. I have seen that faster. Must be the age, "Domen announced with confidence and was so focused on Daniel that he overlooked the root at his feet. Tripping, he lost the cones in his hands. "Crap," was all he could say as Daniel approached menacingly. A big smile on his face.

"I warn you! That will have dire consequences, "Domen exclaimed, laughing. At the same moment he realized where he knew the scene from. It made him freeze in his movements. He saw it clearly in his mind: Daniel, who came towards him in a black cloak with snow in his hands and-

"Ow!" - "Shit! Butterprincess! Alright with you? "Daniel ran in panic to Domen. The cone had hit him in his face.

Unable to answer, Domen rubbed his nose and cheek and looked at Daniel out of his tunnel. No black coat, no snow, just a blue jacket, were his first confused thoughts when his brain started to work again.

" I didn’t want that, I- ", it pelted out of Daniel, who stood only a few inches in front of Domen, who was quite pale around the nose.

"All right. Calm yourself, I am not made of butter, "muttered Domen behind his hand, stumbling backward a few paces. He had to suffer from sleep deficit, worse than he had thought. 

"Sure?" Again, Daniel was right in front of him. Looked at him out of his worried eyes and Domen felt, as if he was cornered. Daniel's lips were only a few inches away from him.

"Yes," Domen whispered confusedly and swallowed. He had to go. Had to turn off his thoughts. "The first who will be back will win," it bubbled from Domens mouth and even before he had finished his sentence, he began to run.


	16. Peter/ Anders  - Garmisch-Partenkirchen - Day of competition

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone out there! 
> 
> I just wanted to spotlight, that the next chapter is written from Peters and Anders point of view. As I worked at the german version there were a few people who asked me, if I could do that and I decided that possibly this is a good position for such a chapter. I hope you like it. The next will be "normal" again. 
> 
> Kaitlin Riegel - Silhouettes  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3xMGYIkkuAo

PETER pushed himself off the ground with all his might. Trusting that Nejc would catch him as he always did.

For a brief moment, her co-coach held him in the air and Peter tried to find his perfect flying position. The one that had brought him all the successes last year. But the more he tried to remember that feeling again, or rather, to make his body remember, the more distant it seemed to him. As if he was trying to scoop water with open hands.

He felt Nejc reduce the pressure on his arms and a short time later he was put back on the ground. Nejc seemed satisfied. Or at least he was confidence. "There we go!"

"Seems so," Peter replied and both were aware that they were lying to each other. Peter knew that the coaches were just as clueless as he was. They worked meticulously and it put a strain on him to deliver any results. He was just not used to it after the last season and as much as he was pleased with the results of his younger brother, the more he had to admit deep inside that they were wearing him down. He just couldn’t enjoy the victories of Domen while secretly wishing he and Domen would switch places. The intoxication of victories clung to him and it was hard to come to terms with so much less. Even if he gave his best.

"Well, that's it for today. From now pure concentration on the competition. Just jump. Don’t think. You don’t have to win. It's just about getting ahead. Geddit? "Smiled Nejc and Peter finally nodded after a moment's hesitation.

 _You don't have to win._ The words of his coach rang storm in his head. It had already come that far. _You don’t have to win?!_ What else had he become a competitive athlete for? He wanted to shout all this to Nejc and the entire coaching staff, he would’ve liked to turn his skis into chopped wood, instead he stood in the middle of the jumper’s accommodation, a smile on his face and the cameras and all the expectations on him. Daniel's mother had told him to follow Domens example. She hadn't the slightest idea how many times he'd wanted that. But he wasn’t Domen. Wasn’t a 17-year-old boy who people would forgive his impulsiveness easily anymore. His team maybe. The press certainly not.

"That'll be fine, "Peter nodded to the Slovenian assistant coach, leaning his hands against the wall of one of the containers and began his loosening exercises.

"Did you see your brother somewhere? He actually wanted to do short dry training as well, "Nejc looked around. But there was no trace of the young Prevc. The only others he saw wearing green jackets were the German jumpers, who were warming up with a lively discussion. It struck Nejc that the young Wellinger somehow looked a proper Charlie.

"I'd check some quiet corner. He's probably buried his nose in one of his books and warms up incidentally, "Peter advised as he changed the leg and studied the nature of the container wall. Someone was supposed to paint them again, he thought as he noticed the rust stains right in front of him.

"Not Cene. I meant Domen, "Nejc said thoughtfully. The Polish head coach just caught his attention: he walked past them with Kamil Stoch, pointing to some sheet of paper that looked suspiciously like the latest weather forecasts for the day. "Hey, if you see Domen, just tell him to come to me, if he actually wants to go through the processes again," Nejc ran after the two Poles and let himself the forecasts show by Stefan Horngacher.

Frowning, Peter looked after them. Since when did Domen refrain from training? He behaved so strangely lately, anyway. Even stranger than usual. He didn’t know if this behavior was really due to the pressure and stress of the tournament. Sure, the bad results in Oberstdorf had probably upset Domen more than he was willing to admit, but could that really be everything? After all, there was the scene in the weight room that just couldn’t get out of his head. And that was before the competition even had start. But how was he going to address him without jeopardizing her fragile peace? And maybe Domen was right, too, and he really had overreacted.

And maybe he had long since found someone to talk to. After all, he had recently spent time with Daniel remarkably often. Even Jurji had already noticed that.

"Peter Prevc always keep working hard. What do you think, will we see another Slovenian on the podium today?"

Startled, Peter turned around. Standing in front of him was Paul Thiessen, who smiled friendly and bared his shark teeth.

"In any case, it will be an exciting competiton," Peter answered evasively and crouched down, only to push himself off the ground. Maybe the reporter disappeared when he realized he bothered him.

"Oh, not so modest my boy. After the competition in Oberstdorf, we can certainly cheer together soon. It almost looked like old Peter Prevc, "said Thiessen, and had the brass neck to pat on Peters shoulders.

"Yes, that was one of the better jumps, but we shouldn’t exaggerate, Paul," Peter tried to bring the reporter back to the bottom of the facts. He didn’t want to know what Thiessen had for expectations. He knew he wouldn’t be able to fulfill them. Not yet. Maybe never again?

No! It just took longer to adjust the new system. The new skis. But they were actually the same as last year, his inner doubter once again spoke up.

"Peter Prevc. Modest and down to earth. As always. Well, you have your brother as your counterpart. He also seems to be in better shape today. Could that be the pressure, that's gone now, after his relatively hopeless position? "Patiently Thiessen waited until he had finished the exercise. Peter became suspicious. Normally, a Thiessen understood, when he disturbed the preparations.

"Come on Paul. We are both been in the business long enough to know that the tournament is writing its own stories. And what did you expect? Domen is seventeen. Even his victories at the beginning of the season were a sensation, "said Peter puffing and wanted to protect his brother. It was difficult to keep calm if everyone came up with well-intentioned tips and advices.

"Of course, but I stick to it that Domen seems to be in much better shape today. If he jumps like in the rehearsal, then a podium finish is possible," Thiessen insisted on his oppinion.

"We always do our best," Peter replied flatly. As if the other 49 Springer wouldn’t do their best. And again, Thiessen only saw Domen on the podium. Sure, he had told him that he saw an improvement of his jumps, but that had been only a means to an end, Peter realized. He had probably hoped to increase his chances of talking about Domen.

"I would never doubt that, but it's amazing how the boy jumps off the hills. Spectacular, "enthused his counterpart and Peter would have liked to ditch him. "But that just seems to be his nature. And he ssems to be pretty popular."

"What are you implying, Paul?", Peter interrupted his exercises. There was such a strange undertone in Thiessen's voice. His stomach felt uncomfortable.

"Well, after all, your brother seems to spend a lot of time with the Norwegian Daniel- André Tande. They've been seeing each other more often lately and they seemed to be…. Uhm well familiar, "Theissen said as if it was the most normal thing in the world and yet Peter couldn’t escape the feeling that Thiessen was up to some mischief. "But that's not unusual. Well, anyway. I didn’t want to disturb you anymore. Good luck today ", Thiessen wished the Slovenian and disappeared. Frowning, he looked after the unsympathetic reporter, who went with his watchful eyes through the jumper’s accommodation. He moved unobtrusively through the crowd. Hardly any jumper paid attention to him. Everyone was focused on their competition preparations.

What the hell had he mean by that? The two were friends. There was nothing to it, right? Maybe he was just looking for a nice story and wanted to test whether his impression was right. True to the motto: friendship and merciless competition - is that possible? After all, Michael Hayböck and Stefan Kraft were always in the limelight.

He shouldn’t let himself be driven crazy by Thiessen. But it was unusual for Domen to miss his training, he thought, just as Domen came rushing out of the woods. Well, please, he was late, Peter realized with little surprise. Three seconds later, Daniel appeared, calling something to his brother, something Peter didn’t understand. However, to Peter's surprise, his brother didn’t react at all and just ran on, but not in the direction of their container, as Peter had suspected. Instead, after hurrying around for a moment, he simply hopped over the barrier that separated the jumper’s accommodation from the outrun of the normal hill.

What the hell was he doing again? He had to realize that this would only cause trouble! If he would be discovered, Goran was going to breathe down his neck, and right now he was out of sorts with Domen anyway, Peter thought before he began to wonder why his brother was doing that. Domen wasn’t stupid. He knew that would cause trouble if someone caught him. Irresolute, Peter stood there.

Something was wrong here. For days. And he couldn’t escape the thought that the Norwegian was involved.

Just before he had found Domen in the weight room, he had seen them together. They had sat together on a bench, enjoying the sun and talking. At least he had always assumed that. After all, he had just been on his way to Goran, with whom he had once again analyzed his jumps and who had sent him to the weight room, where he was then had met Domen. He hadn’t established a connection between it until today. But what if that was a mistake? What if Thiessen would know something, that he didn't know? What if he hadn't serendipitous asked about Domen and Daniel?

He made a quick decision to sneak after his brother. Nervously, he looked around each step, focusing on not being discovered. He wanted to avoid trouble at all costs. He noticed that he felt like a felon. No, not only did he feel that way, he behaved that way, too, and because he was so busy turning his neck 360 degrees, he promptly crashed into Anders Fannemel.

"Oh-. Crap! I'm sorry! Didn’t even see you, "he apologized, feeling embarrassed, wondering why that had to happen to him. Meanwhile, the ice-cream story had already gone around, and Peter felt in his self-assigned role, as a tramp in charge, not well at all. Besides, Anders looked like he knew exactly that he wanted to do something forbidden.

"Nothing happens. It's not that bad, honest, Peter, "Anders insisted as he looked at Peter closely. "Everything alright with you?"

"Fine. Everything's fine, "he hurried to say. "Just a little late. That bothers the routine. That's why I have to go right now, "he left the Norwegian and hurried on. He took a little detour to avoid suspicion. Only when he was sure to be out of Anders' field of view, Peter headed for the fence.

Without any problems he jumped over the barrier. He spotted Domen behind the Milka promo balloon. He hit with his feet against the barriers of the small hill, cursing to himself. At least he couldn't attract any attention here, Peter couldn’t help thinking before moving anxiously towards his brother. "What's wrong with you?"

Startled, Domen turned around. "Crap! Peter! What are you doing here?!"

"Looking out for you not getting in trouble," he said, not taking his eyes off his brother, who was clearly upset. The slight trembling of his hands that Domen was trying to hide by putting his hands in his jacket pockets, he already had noticed. Had Thiessen really wanted to tell him something?

"I ‘ll be able to do that myself. Thanks," Domen blocked him once more. At the deadliest frustrated, Peter ruffled his hair. How could he have believed that they had overcome this phase by now?

"You know what? Go on then. You're welcome. Care for yourself. I'm so fed up! But don’t cry when it's too late! ", Peter shouted at Domen for the first time in his life. Without having regard to losses or observers. He was so tired of grinning and bearing this mess. And, as Domen had often said, he had enough own problems, Peter thought bitterly, and turned away.

"Crap! Peter! Wait! I'm sorry, okay? I had a hard day. I didn’t want to- "

Angrily, he turned around again. "Do you think you're the only one who had a hard day? Still, I don’t shout at everyone, "the older one crossed his arms and suddenly felt a little bit better. Maybe screaming was an answer, after all.

"I don’t want to cut you off right now, Pero, but well, actually you're doing it at the moment," his younger brother said a bit too cheekily for his taste, and as he was about to give a smart answer, he noticed that Domen was right.

"That deceptive," was everything he could say, as he dropped to the ground and closed his eyes for a moment. He listened to the crowd of spectators who carried the first jumpers into the valley.

Sighing, Domen dropped to the grass beside him. Silently, they sat side by side, watching the first competitors jumping off the bakken, while Domen began plucking blades of grass from the ground.

"What's going on?" Peter ventured again, this time he tried to ignore this worried-alarmed tone.

"I screwed things up. Really bad, "his brother muttered softly to the earth after a while.

"Okay, what did you do to the poor Norwegian?" Peter asked as Domen didn’t condescend to give more details. He couldn’t even be angry with him, because his brother looked as if he was just completely elsewhere.

Obviously, he had not exaggerated with his mega shit and if Domen was so aware, then it had to be really bad. Immediately he wondered what Thiessen already knew about the whole thing. Suddenly, he had to control himself, not to grab Domen by the shoulders and shake him thoroughly. He simply hoped that Domen, if he was ready, would talk to him.  
"You don’t want to know that exactly, but my guilty conscience kills me. I mean, we've just become friends and even though Daniel is always so busy... There are a lot of people around him, but only a few seem to know him. I have no idea. I fucked it up, I know it and that makes me sick." Domen sighed and sat down next to Peter.

That was going on in his mind. Relieved, he let out a breath. Peter had assumed that his brother was far worse in the mess. Thiessen couldn’t possibly find that interesting, right?

"And now?"

"Well, let's put it this way: I'd be really grateful if there would be an old ugly woman running around who could lay my cards, so I know what to do," Domen snorted, staring at the clouds.

"Just tell him. It can’t be that bad, "he advised Domen. In the background they heard the loud crowd, who had just moaned.

"You have no idea."

"Well, but obviously this isn’t the right way either. Believe me, even if that doesn’t look like it right now, but the truth is always the better way. For you and for him. And nothing would be worse than as when someday he finds out the truth in another way. Whatever you did, better he hears it from you. Then you'll excuse yourself, Daniel may be angry for a few days and then come back for sure. He doesn’t seem to be the guy, who bear grudges, "Peter tried to help his brother. He knew for himself that it was much harder than he depicted it here now.

"And if I'm not sorry? I mean, maybe that wasn’t a mistake. After all, I wanted to help him, "Domen looked at him defiantly and for a moment he looked like the twelve-year-old boy, who didn't want to know, why it wasn’t allowed to make tipis out of nightgowns, if you felt treated unjustifiably.

"Look, I know, if there's something we both not good at, then it’s to admit that we made a mistake. And we both know, that we did some. Start to confess, "he winked at Domen as he struggled to his feet and offered his hand to help him up. "And now we should get on our way quickly, otherwise you’ll have to dig yourself out of your grave before you have the chance to apologize to Daniel," urged the older Slovenian with a look at his watch.

"Why does the words in your mouth have to sound so reasonable sometimes?!", Domen groaned and let his brother help him up.

"Only sometimes? You don’t want to be at war with me again? "He asked his brother, laughing.

"What? We had war? Honestly, you exaggerate, these were only military exercises, "Domen said and was serious the next moment again. "And you really think I have to tell him?"  
"Honestly? It doesn’t hurt you to broaden your horizons and apologize, "groaned Peter and jumped before his brother over the barrier.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

ANDERS was torn. He glanced nervously at his watch, then back to the barrier over which Peter and Domen were leaping and talking softly to each other. This picture was so unfamiliar that Anders actually froze for a moment in his movements. Now, he had regained his composure and had to decide what he wanted to do.

Peter had clearly aroused his curiosity when he had accidentally jostled him earlier. He had been told at the tip of his nose that he had something to hide, and now he was whispering with Domen, who looked extremely nervous. Could all this be a coincidence? He made a quick decision and followed the two Slovenians at a short distance. He could still afford himself for five minutes. Maybe ten.

"Just do it," blew the annoyed voice from Peter to Anders. "Tell him."

Who should tell what? To whom? If only he could get a bit closer, Anders thought in frustration as Domen answered his brother something, that Anders didn’t understand, because in the container next to him the waxing machine was struck.

"Domen, that ....... right thing. You can’t continue this way .... Eat ... up ... ", Anders grabbed further fragments of Peters voice and slowly they made sense. Could it really be?  
"What…. Daniel ... talks? Never again? ..... pretend ... always. Normal."

Unexpectedly, Peter stopped, and Anders almost tripped over his own feet. He saw Peter sighing at his brother while Anders squatted behind a garbage bin pretending to tie his shoe. So, they were clearly talking about Daniel. He was sure his name had fallen. He noticed that Domen was as nervous as he had been when Anders told Daniel that Domen was afraid Jarkko could replace him. As if that was ever possible. Daniel had a giant crush on the little Slovenes, he wouldn’t even pay attention to the Sexiest Man Alive if Domen stood beside.

"Listen, I can’t relieve you of the decision, but I advise you to talk to him. After that you will be much better off than with your master plan of repression, "said Peter, and Anders could have sworn that Peter sounded the same way as Anders always did to Daniel.

"But what am I supposed to tell him?" Helplessly, the little Slovenian threw his arms in the air. Anders had never seen Domen like that before. Normally, he always seemed so bold, never embarrassed for an answer. Maybe Daniel was right and there was more to the kid, than you could see at first glance. Anyway, he seemed to be thinking intensive about his friend. He was more pleased that Domen obviously went the same way as Daniel. He, too, had developed feelings and didn’t know what to do next.

Grinning, Anders registered Peters eye rolls, which he could understand only too well. He also gave Peter great credit for for supporting his little brother despite all the difficulties the two were known to have. It made him hope that Daniel's worldview might be brightened up a bit.

"Domen, please don’t-"

"Everything's okay with you, Anders?", Simon Ammann pushed into Anders focus and looked worried. The garbage bin obviously offered enough coverage only from one side.  
"Yes. What shouldn’t be okay? My shoe lace was- "

"Velcro."

"What ?!", Anders looked confused at his shoes. Today he was wearing his blue Nike sneakers that didn’t actually have shoelaces. That had somehow escaped him in all the excitement. "Yes, I mean yes. Don’t stick properly and then ... uh ... they slip out, "he tried to find a reasonably logical explanation. Out of the corner of his eye he saw that Peter and Domen had gone on and he prayed that they hadn’t noticed him. Recently, he often had spent time near the Slovenians.

"Yes, the disadvantage of Velcro closures. That's why I don’t like them. I just bought these shoes here a few weeks ago. I tell you: a dream. With extra tear-resistant laces. Robust as wire ropes. And-"

"Yeah, um, maybe I'll come back to that, but sorry, I really have to go now, Simon. Otherwise I'll miss the start, "he interrupted the Swiss and looked at his watch. He was horrified to find that he had been listening to the Slovenians for almost fifteen minutes.

He quickly ran to the Norwegian container. He absolutely had to share his news with Daniel. That should put a smile even on the old pessimist's face. Domen was in love with Daniel. Anders hadn’t realized that yet. But actually, his jealousy, which the Slovenian had not even tried to control, had already spoken volumes.

He swept the door open. In the middle of the room stood Daniel, who was just putting on his jumpsuit. Anders stepped into the small room, the door behind him hadn’t even fallen into the lock, as Daniel stood in front of him, boiling in anger.

"What did you do?" His best friend shouted at him, brushing his hair out of the face with trembling hands.

"Nothing! For real! Nothing! "Anders disputed everything in reflex. He admitted, that eavesdropping might not was the fine English kind, but-moment. Daniel couldn’t really know that, could he? "What are we talking about?", He asked uncertainly, as Daniel crowded him a little more into the corner.

"You still ask that? Of course, about Domen! What did you tell him? ", The blond wanted to know angrily and stared at him accusingly... So, he talked about his conversation with Domen while Daniel was playing volleyball. He didn’t want to waste any thought about that now, but rather to debate about the latest news, which were much more earth-shaking for Daniel than this old story.

"Daniel, that's the wrong approach. You should rather ask me what he told me, So... almost told me. It was more something I have heard but ", he grinned eloquently and was extremely proud of himself. He really thought he deserved a medal for special friendship services under difficult conditions or something. Anyway, Daniel should be grateful to him. As intense as in the last few days, he had never given himself up to date gossip. But how else could he have found out more about the obscure Slovenians? By now he knew more about the individual jumpers than he had knew in the last few years.

"Unless he's been looking for the conversation with you, I don’t want to know it," Daniel growled reproachfully and far too ungratefully for Anders taste. Not that he had no sympathy for the young Norwegian's complicated situation, but that was too much. The two seemed really made for each other.

"I would never- Yes, well maybe I would, but I'll tell you, you have to-"

"I don’t have to do anything, and I won’t do anything. And I don’t want to hear it. Everything was fine, the way it was and you, my friend, will bend it again ", the blond-haired poked his finger several times in his chest.

"But that's shit! Damn Daniel! I thought, I don’t know, you'd just get out of your shell, if you just- "

"If I only what, Anders? If only I had hope that fate is well-meaning once in my life? That's what you want to tell me again, right? ", Daniel plumped his clothes in the corner and grabbed his jump suit.

"Yes, actually, just seems to me pointless at the moment, because I'm afraid, we'll circle again”, sighed Anders, back to the bottom of facts. Once this was over and Domen and Daniel would ride happily into the sunset, he would first do a therapy. And Daniel would pay for it. No one could stand that. He was not impressed by Daniel, who was still standing next to him and glared at him. Instead, he sat down on the bench and began to change his clothes.

"Try to put aside your fear once in a while and ask yourself what you want to do with your life. Apart from sports, "he demanded.

"It has nothing to do with fear, but with reality, Anders. It's hard to deny it, "Daniel proofed.

Since when was he just so stubborn? Yet Anders had thought, after this weird friendship thing between Domen and Daniel, that Daniel would conclude that a friendship would never work for him. He hated to see his friend in his self-shoveled abyss, in which he seemed to make himself at home. Even though Daniel had come to terms with his life, Anders would never be able to. Not according to his findings of the day. And even without, why shouldn't Daniel be happy just because he loved men. It shouldn’t matter.

"And maybe that's enough for me? And even if not, after my active career, I can still think that over, "Daniel crossed his arms defiantly and Anders wondered if Domen Prevc might be contagious.

"Yes, but then the best years of your life are over. Honestly, Daniel, that's so stupid! ", He stood in front of his friend and shook him by the shoulders.

"Well, then I'm just stupid-"

"You know, that's what it is: you're not stupid, Daniel. You just have a lot of bad luck with thinking, otherwise you would know that your plan is shit. That just cann’t work. And it won’t. Not for you. Not for him. For no one, "Anders bursts out with anger.

"Nice. If you think. Okay, but you'll fix that. Yesterday, everything was still okay and today ... he takes flight just because I'm throwing pine cones, "Daniel emphatically put his helmet on his head and took his gloves off the table.

"When was something okay with you two, please?", He looked questioningly at Daniel and Daniel scowled back. Frozen in his movements. Obviously, he didn’t know what he should answer and Anders could only resist with difficulty a loud Ha!

"You know what I mean," growled Daniel, shouldering his backpack and leaving the container without another word. That was probably the end of the discussion.

"Unable. Both! You should just lock them in a closet and then throw away the key! ", Grumbled Anders and packed his things together. He was way too late. He could only hope that Peter had more success with Domen. Anders was convinced that if the Slovenian took the first step and Daniel confessed his feelings, there would be no turning back for his friend.

Sighing, he ran through the jumper’s accommodation to the cars that would bring them up. Daniel was just getting into one of the cars. Shaking his head, he realized that Peter and Domen were also involved. But Daniel was lucky, too, he thought with malicious pleasure. It was always such a thing with running away. At some point, things caught up again. Even if Domen after Anders taste could be a little less contrite. The scowling glares he gave his older brother, because he was sitting in the front seat so the younger one had to sit at the backseat next to Daniel, didn’t escape the watchful eyes of the Norwegian. So, Peter experiment just as skillfully as he did, Anders realized with a grin.

"Just put the skis in the back of the car", the driver tapped him impatiently on the shoulders.

"Yeah, sure," he hurried and got into the car as the doors opened and Noriaki Kasai got in the car. The two greeted each other warmly and made the journey up to the hill in a peaceful silence.

At the top of the hill, they unloaded their skis again and Anders took the time, as always, to see above the valley. This year, the place looked like spring was imminent. Not even the pinnacles were white. Everything seemed so small from up there. It was a bit out of the world. Then he turned and took the lift upstairs. To be a little closer to the sky, to then later rush to the earth.

The waiting room was crowded. Jumpers and prejumpers were crowded together in a confined space. Not to forget the cameraman, who claimed a large part of the small room for himself. Some of them sat in their seats, completely immersed in themselves, going through the characteristics of the hill one last time and combining them with their movements of the jump, while others sat together in small groups and talked quietly. Many of the prejumpers had sat down in front of the glass door to soak up the sun. If things went well, they wouldn’t be needed until the first round was finished.

Anders sat down next to the Russians Klimov. From his post, he had a good look at the television, which had been set up as usual, and so casually he could keep an eye on Daniel and Domen, who, to his surprise, were into a conversation and sat directly opposite him. Both were staring at just that electronic device above their heads. Just don’t look at each other, the others might recognize something, Anders thought, rolling his eyes 360 degrees in his mind.

Anyone who knew them, would realize that they were behaving as if they were walking on raw egg shells. And yet they stared at each other when the other one wasn’t watching. Could there be two other lovers in the world who became even more unconcerned to be discovered? Probably not, Anders thought with a sigh. If they didn’t get it until tomorrow, he would lock them in a cupboard. After all, tomorrow was their day off and so they had plenty of time to devote to other things besides training. And as he had learned from a reliable source, the Slovenians would spend the night in Garmisch-Partenkirchen, too.

Determined to carry out his plan - he would have loved to keep a countdown under their nose - he got up and made his way out. Up on the tower, he let his face tickle the sun, closed his eyes for a moment. But now he would finally concentrate on himself. After all, he hadn’t joined the team to play Cupid.

Squat, not too deep, then about three or four seconds, then the take-off would be right in front of him. Hip up and jump. Balance, open V evenly and hold tension. Then it could work quite well. Although Garmisch was just like Oberstdorf still not one of the big large hills, which he liked more, he wanted to confirm his good training performance. He had meticulously-

"Anders?"

He opened his eyes in surprise. Daniel was standing in front of him. Unsure smiling. Waiting mutely, the older Norwegian fixed the horizon and let Daniel fidget.

"I'm sorry about that earlier. That- I mean, you wanted to help me and I- well, "he stammered, looking down at the floor.

"It’s okay. Let's just put the competition behind us first, right? "Anders said. 

"Mmmh", it came almost reluctantly of Daniel, who quickly went to his knees next to him and rehearsed his jumping position. He frowned at the younger. Daniel was nervous. Restless. And certainly not because of the competition. He wanted to leave him alone and then the boy wanted to discuss ...

"Okay, what's up again?" Anders sighed, keeping an eye on the door directly behind them.

"Oh, no. It’s OK. Nothing, "Daniel struggled visibly with himself and Anders found it really sweet, that he tried it, but then looked around furtively and came closer to him," What did you want to tell me earlier? "

"Oh, did your curiosity seize you then?", Asked Anders, grinning with pleasure. "What triggered the change of heart?"

"Nothing. Uhm- oh, damn it! Honestly, are you still asking? Since I met him for the first time, I try to bury this little last bit of stubborn hope. What worked well until you showed up. Now I'm constantly wondering, if you might not be right and out of the small tender plant of hope is slowly becoming a damned 30-foot tree, which I have no longer under control! And only because of you. And now Domen! He wants to meet me, he said and was as nervous as a fucking schoolgirl! "Daniel snorted indignantly and had the nerve to look at him reproachfully, as if he had anything to do with it. He stopped short, when he heard the door opened. They waited until Severin Freund had arrived at the stairs. Then Daniel hissed on, "What am I supposed to do now? What have you done again? "

"He wants to meet with you?" Anders asked surprised and a big grin took control of his mouth. That was faster than expected. Peter was obviously better than him.

"Yes! He wasn’t even able to look me in the eye. Shit, maybe he noticed something? And just does not want to expose me in front of the assembled team? ", Daniel let his mind run free and strengthened his grip around the railing in front of him.

Anders noticed Daniel's panic and put a hand on his shoulder: "Now calm yourself, he doesn’t want to. On the contrary."

Astonished, Daniel looked at him. Seeking some clue that Anders just thought up or just wanted to distract him. But there was nothing. Not the slightest uncertainty.

Anders noticed how Daniel's features twisted into a mixture of sheer surprise and disbelief. But he also saw how his friend's eyes began to shine. Daniel's tree of hope seemed to be damn well developed despite all the doubts and Anders could only hope that the little Slovenian would not kill it.


	17. Domen - Garmisch Partenkirchen - Day of competition

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Laura Veirs - July Flame  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iLilpPtY2JU

Domen stared up the hill. There were exactly two of them left upstairs. Stefan Kraft, the Austrian flea and Daniel. Stefan took a seat on the beam. Domen was confident that the Austrian would be able to replace the currently leading Kamil Stoch from the top but hoped that Daniel would make it in the end. 

In fact, there was no one else, who he would want to see win more today. Daniel had taken so many second places at the beginning of the season, but at some point, he had to get through and today he had already laid a solid foundation in the first round. Domen did not know exactly why, but Daniel seemed transformed. Somehow euphoric. As if he could not believe that he leads after the first round.

It had nothing to do with luck. Not today, where the wind did not really matter. The Norwegian had more than earned this starting position. 

"That won’t be enough for the 23-year-old from Austria, who won the Four Hills Tournament three years ago," the stadium announcer sounded through the crowd as the Austrian landed safely. Michael Hayböck stared, fascinated, at the large scoreboard on which his roommate’s points would appear at any moment. The point bar started and remained in second place. Almost four points behind Kamil Stoch, who now realized how good his jump had been. After all, 143m, the longest jump of the day. So far.

And while Stefan came into the exit area, where Michael give him a high five and handed him his backpack to change, Domen looked up again. Daniel had just climbed onto the starting beam, waiting for the sign of his coach.

Slightly in front of Domen was the rest of the Norwegian team. They also had eyes only for their teammate and trembled rooting for Daniel. 

Then slowly the flag of Alexander Stöckl lowered and Daniel pushed off the beam and seconds later from the take-off. His flight was perfect. He had hit the edge exactly and sailed quietly into the valley. There was nothing wrong with his posture, nor with his landing, Domen thought appreciatively, bursting out in ecstasy inwardly, while outwardly he managed a small smile.

Anders and Tom ran into the outrun to cheer with him. Daniel grinned at them, still full of adrenaline. The expression of pure joy as their eyes crossed. As if Daniel had been looking for him. Then the number one flashed on the scoreboard and the stadium exploded. Stunned, Daniel blew up his skis while his friends tried to take him on the shoulder.   
He had really won. Not that Domen had doubted that, not after that jump, but it was nice that Daniel finally arrived to where he'd belong after the last few weeks.

"I tell you, your new friend is strong as a bear. Maybe he can even win the overall, "Peter nodded appreciatively, who had stood next to Domen. "Are you going to tell him?"

"How is it, that you manage to destroy every beautiful moment?" Domen grunted darkly, because he had just managed to forget his sticky fingers. Restless, Domen squinted again at Daniel, whom his comrades had set on the ground again and who fought his way through all the well-wishers to his stuff.

It was incredible how popular Daniel was with everyone. Everyone had a few nice words left for him. And Domen would also have liked to go to the likable Norwegian and, like his friends, would have cheered him on. Instead, he stood a little offside and didn’t take his eyes off of Daniel. It was nice to see Daniel like this.

"Look at it, positively: Maybe he’s so happy about his victory that he forgives you easier," Peter piped up again and didn’t notice how his younger brother stiffened at his words.  
Once again, he was in the woods. He saw Daniel coming towards him or was it Jay walking towards the Christmasman? He didn’t know and actually didn’t care. It should just stop. These pictures tugged at him as if they wanted to say something, that escaped to him.

"Maybe," Domen answered.

Frowning, Peter looked at his brother: "Everything will be alright. Daniel is nice. He will understand. "

Yes, Daniel was nice and that was exactly the problem. He just didn’t deserve it. Domen felt guilty. Since that scene in the woods, his guilty conscience had continued to eat him up. The Norwegian was always so worried. Christ, he had asked him, if he had had trouble with Peter again. Probably his subconscious mind tormented him with these pictures to remind him what a friend Daniel was. One who even had fought for someone, who wasn’t there. Domen thought of Daniel's boyfriend, who was gay and the Norwegian's, when he thought Domen was homophobic, defending his friend, even if he never met him. Daniel clearly deserved a better friend than him.

"Could one of you explain me, why I have to hear from Thiessen that the Slovenian team doesn’t seem to care about good publicity?" Goran trudged over to them. "I already thought that you were only physically present at the meeting, Domen, but, Peter, I would have expected more from you," he roared and showered Peter with allegations, who immadiatly got a bad conscience.

"Sorry, doesn’t happen again, I-"

"We're not the whole Slovenian team?!" Domen interrupted Peter, indignantly. He absolutely refuses to see, that only they should deal with this greasy guy.

"Domen!", Peter hissed next to him, pushed an elbow in his side warningly and looked around. They were surrounded by reporters from all over the world, who were currently concentrating on their respective compatriots. In addition, among the press people were always independent reporters, who wrote for their blogs and usually had their eyes and ears everywhere.

Goran obviously saw it in a similar way, leaning toward Domen, hissing softly, "Domen, I know, this is all pretty new to you, but you should be slow to understand how it works. You like your stuff, the hotels and the pleasant traveling with the trucking company, right? "

"Yes but-"

"Then you will have to invest a few minutes of your time, otherwise I wish you much fun in the tent soon," Goran commented dryly, obviously struggling to stay quiet. He stopped briefly as the Germans passed them with their caretakers. Only when they were relatively undisturbed again, he continued: "We depend on the money from the state and our sponsors. And only in case you have forgotten it: The public relations is also part of your contract. So move your ass over to Thiessen, "he commanded Domen.

"Aye, Sir," Domen saluted in front of Goran, who looked at him suspiciously.

"Listen, I know it's annoying, but pull yourself together and do your work," sighed the Slovenian coach. It wasn’t that he didn’t know what he wanted from his jumpers. He also had better things to do, but it was part of the job and a lot of money was involved. "And stop calling me Sir."

"Yes, Ma'am," Domen replied without thinking, before turning and disappearing. He simply couldn’t resist that now. And Goran's stunned face beside Peter's had been worth it, he thought, as he made his way down. And today he could really need some encouragement. For a moment, his gaze lingered on Daniel, who was being stormily hugged by his mother, while the reporters around them enthusiastically shot pictures. The two looked at each other happily and Domen sighed. He didn’t want to ruin Daniel this day, maybe-  
"A really likable winner ", Thiessen tapped him on the shoulder and drew Domens attention to himself.

"Mr. Thiessen," he turned around and did not even think about deepening the topic of Daniel. "Nerve-jangling competition today, right?"

"Yes, but I have to admit that I'm only partially satisfied with today's performance of our team. Jurij Tepes, Jernej Damjan and Anže Semenic abysmal, your brother Cene mediocre and Peter doesn’t seem to be able to break free of his lows. Only on your performance was good. Was the preparation for the Four Hills Tournament wrong? Was there too much training in advance? After all, there were still Slovenian championships and they hardly had the opportunity to regenerate? How do you assess the situation? ", He held the micro under his nose without batting an eyelash.

Why exactly did Goran once again had insist that they spoke with this ass? "Well, there's no denying that we're not on top of the league, but I avouch you, that the coaching staff and we'll do our best. Today it didn’t go well, but Innsbruck comes and then we will try again to do it better, "said Domen and remained factual, even if it cost him a lot.

"Let's just stay with Innsbruck: The weather forecasts aren’t the best this year. How do you handle this? Especially, where you are inexperienced? Do you get yourself an extra advice from your more experienced brother or someone like Daniel-André Tande? ", The Slovenian reporter asked.

Fate was clearly an asshole, Domen thought. A mean thing that did not want to make him forget. "Do you always seek hlp from your predecessor when interviewing someone new ?!" Domen asked irritably. Besides, he was not inexperienced! "The-

"What Domen wants to say," Peter jostled unexpectedly into the interview, giving Domen an evil look before concentrating on Thiessen, who still smiled, "is that challenging conditions are always challenging, of course, the whole experience doesn’t help. The only one we trust is our coach. We trust that with all his experience, he will be able to assess when it is safe for us to jump and when not. Um, Domen, the ski technicians would like to consult with you, would you mind if I just take over? "

"No, of course not! If you would excuse me, "Domen said, forgetting, perhaps accidentally on purpose, the regretful tone in his voice. Without waiting for an answer, he dashed angrily past the spectators and fans. He just wasn’t in the mood for small talk and autographs today.

There was an atmosphere of depature in the jumper's accommodation, as always after a competition. Many of the teams would start their journey to Austria today, others would spend the night in Garmisch. Domen was foaming with rage and blind to his surroundings as he walked towards the Slovenian container. Could this day get even worse? It wasn’t enough that he would ruin Daniel's good mood today.

Daniel. Without realizing it he put his hand in his jacket pocket and gripped the piece of paper with his fist. Why did he had to steal this letter? Maybe he should have asked a team doctor if he could attest him kleptomania, then at least he would have a good excuse. But maybe he was just going crazy. How else should he explain ... THAT? His strange uh ... fits. His forest encounter, which didn’t want to leave him alone. Didn't schizophrenia usually manifest between the ages of 18 and 25? Maybe he should really go to the doctor?  
Restless and angry, he trudged into the container, where the others were already packing their things. Anže and Jurij were already finished and sat with their mobile phones in the corner. Judging by the glint of Jurij's smirk, Domen was pretty sure who was on the other end of the phone. And even Anže didn’t seem to talk to his mother, at least he assumed that he wouldn’t assure his mother every three seconds that he missed her too and couldn’t wait to see her again.

Terrible, this mood of his teammates. Why were they in such a good mood? After all, Thiessen was right: The competition was anything but good for them. Nevertheless, the two sat here now with a smile on their face, as if the day had gone well. A slightly more subdued mood would have been more appropriate, he thought gloomily, as he took off his jump suit and hopped into his training clothes. Then he wouldn’t feel so excluded with his bad mood.

Irritated, he looked around for his clothes bag, which he found crumpled on the table, while Jurij began to laugh loudly in his corner. Annoyed, Domen took the garment bag off the table and shook it out a little louder and longer than necessary to unravel it. He was just so mad at himself! Normally, he would sit between them and listen to the conversations and then tease them. Only today it was somehow different. He couldn’t name it. But when he saw everyone talking on the phone with their sweetheart ... and he was standing there with nothing better to do than packing his things, he thought, making a big noise as his track suit got tangled.

"Domen!", Anže hissed from his corner and Jurij sent him from his corner the promise to die soon, if he wouldn’t be a little bit quieter now.

"Sorry," Domen muttered gruffly as he stuffed his suit into the garment bag. And just as he was about to close the zipper, he found that it got entangled. Great. What next? he thought, as Jurij chuckled again and as if that wasn’t enough of a good mood for the next few months, the container door opened and Jernej came in, chatting with his daughter. Of course, he had to watch the camera with joy. What else?!

Why the hell were all so perversely in a good mood today? Frustrated, he pulled his suit out of the bag and turned it over, feeling the angry looks of everyone in the back. He felt like the Grinch at Christmas. As if he was intentionally bursting into the happy bubble world of his teammates. At any rate, he wouldn’t be able to stand it a minute longer. He noticed how the positive mood of others made him more and more aggressive every second.

And because he urgently needed something to do, he decided to take his things, pack them in the car, and see the ski technicians. Maybe they needed help loading their things, then at least he would have something to do.

Unfortunately, after looking into the empty container, he realized he was even too late for that. So he stood there, in the middle of the jumpers accommodation, all dressed up and nowhere to go, while he considered what he could do now and listened to the quiet unobtrusive noise. He looked around helplessly. Everywhere small groups chatting with each other. Domen would certainly have been able to join one, but he didn’t feel like he would be a good companion.

"Now stop doubting yourself! Think about where you started in the fall and how far you've come! "-

"I know all this! I really know! It's just that ... frustrating! I am frustrated! I feel so torn. So restless. I mean, I'm really trying everything, but I couldn’t shake the feeling, that I miss the crucial detail. In front of my eyes, when it is within my grasp, it disappears again and again. I mean, I'm chasing something without knowing exactly what I'm after. "

Abruptly, Domen had stopped. He knew the voices that were blew around the corner. But that hadn’t forced him to stop. Rather, it had been Severin's words that had made him stop.

"Yes, but you forget that you aren’t that alone, my dear. We hunt together, already forgotten: in good times as in bad? ", Gently sounded the female voice, which certainly belonged to the wife of the German, to Domens ear.

"What would I do without you?"

"That's what I am always asking myself, too." Domen didn’t have to see her face to imagine how the German looked tender at her husband. Her lovingly teasing tone was information enough.

The Slovene quietly withdrew. He had heard enough and the sounds that came around the corner were the clear sign for him to disappear.

Alone he went on. Everyone went about their tasks. Had something to do. Only Domen felt a little aimless, as he ran lonely through the narrow streets. He wasn’t alone. On the contrary, he had his extremely vivid fantasy in tow, which planted Jay and the Christmas man in his brain once more on that day. He just had no idea what it was all about. It was like Severin's: Domen couldn’t shake the feeling that something important was escaping him.

The two had found each other. Jay and the Christmasman. At least it had looked like it. They could certainly rely on each other and entrusted each other everything. Just like his teammates, who spent a lot of time on the phone every day, usually while he enjoys himself in the gym. Why did this suddenly feel so wrong?

Deep in thought, he sat down in the team bus, let his head sink against the window and stared sadly outside. Holding hands, Severin and his wife walked around the corner. Both had a smile on their faces. No one would even have guessed that Severin had been in despair a few minutes ago.

She had understood him without the need for big words. Jay certainly did the same with his Christmasman. Peter always had to go through his manual for difficult brothers when it was about him. Daniel understood him without.

"What are you doing?!"

Startled, Domen sat up and turned around. Cene was sitting in the back seat with one of his math books in his hand. Apparently, he had the time, until it finally went back to the hotel, used to study for the university. "Shit, you scared me!"

"I noticed. Where have you been with your thoughts that you didn’t notice me? "Cene put his book aside and leaned over the car seat to face him.

"Nowhere specific", Domen growled but couldn’t take his eyes off the German couple. 

"Aha," Cene grinned knowingly.

"Aha, what?", Domen wanted to know irritated and squirmed under the look of his brother. He didn't like the sound of Cene's 'Aha'. As if he meant to say something, which only Cene was able to understand.

"Oh no ... I was just thinking ... Could it be that you have a crush on someone and that's why you’re more disastrous than usual lately?", Cene asked curiously, literally examining him.

"No!" Domen denied and blushed. He recognized from his brother's face that he didn’t believe him a word. Well fine. "For real! Besides, how am I supposed to meet a girl here? "  
"As if you were only here. You know, there's this gray box with the green writeable things on the walls and the smart people in front of it ... wait ... um ... how they are called ...dinglehopper…right, teacher, "Cene reminded him mischievously of his other life.

"Please, no swear words near me. You know, I'm sensitive, "Domen replied unimpressed.

"You should’ve seen how you looked at the two," Cene sticked to his observations and Domen wondered how he should explain that, where he had no idea himself. "And these were not death glances." 

"Doesn’t it bother you, that somehow everyone is busy with their wives? I mean, they're always hanging on the phone instead of training, "Domen said, noting at the same moment he said how childish he sounded.

"Is it possible that you’re jealous?" -

"Because of what?", Outraged, Domen turned away.

"No idea, but it could’ve been. I mean, at least now you're slowly getting into an age where you could normally want something like a relationship, or at least engage with the opposite sex. "Shrugging, Cene dropped back into his seat.

"And you're getting to an age where you have to be careful not to mysteriously die from a heart attack," Domen snapped back, wondering if that might not be the solution to his problems. After all, everything had been about mysterious relationships for days, surrounded by happily married people who didn’t necessarily hid that fact. Could it be that his brain, his biological clock, wanted to tell him that he secretly longed for something like a relationship?

Was he suffering from a male form of fear of being left on the shelf? And because he didn’t conceive it with the pictures of a normal couple, his brain sent him over and over again pictures from the forest? Quasi the mallet method?

As if he didn’t already have enough problems, he thought almost desperately, as the back doors of the team bus opened and one after the other got in. Cloudy, Domen stared out of the window, ignoring the happy chatter of the others. He silently returned to the hotel. He ignored even Jurij's snappy comment, who congratulated Domen on finally being able to read the clock correctly. He felt the tiredness in his bones, but his brain worked wide awake. He was just hopelessly over the top. He wouldn’t be able to sleep for one moment, tonight. He had to tell Daniel.

Without going on with the others or paying any attention to Goran, he hurried to her hotel room, threw his things carelessly on the bed and disappeared under the questioning looks of Anže in the weight room of the hotel. He got on the treadmill and just started to run. He thought of Severin and his wife, Peter and Mina and all the others. He found it enviable that they had all found their happiness, but when he thought of himself, he didn’t get the picture together.

Frustrated, he got off the treadmill and put on the first weights. Only when his cell phone alarm clock announced an hour later that it was time to take a shower and then to set out, he allowed his thoughts to penetrate him again.

Nervously, he slipped into the conservatory, which had been disguised as a spa. Warmth enveloped him, framed by the gentle splash of water of the small artificial waterfall, bathed in weak emergency light. Restless, Domen was running around. He had to think about how he would do it best. Gently. So much was clear, but was a gentle method existing at all?

He paced nervously, as he heard the door opened. He had waited so long for Daniel, but somehow the time had passed too fast and he had spent far too much thinking of himself.  
"Domen?" He heard the Norwegian uncertainly call through the room.

"Hey," he stepped out from between two palm trees and stared at Daniel.

"Hey," he replied, not very resourceful but with a smile on his face. The Norwegian was certainly with his thoughts still on the hill and Domen would have liked him to leave his thoughts there forever. He simply couldn’t bring himself to make a start. His head was blank, though he urgently needed his support.

"Terrific competition. You were ... really good, "Domen finally broke the silence with a small embarrassed smile on his face.

"Really good? Admit it, Butterprincess: I was really great, "Daniel teased grinning and ran his fingers through his hair. But as confident as the Norwegian sounded, he wasn't. Daniel still couldn’t quite believe what the Slovenian was supposed to do according to Anders. But despite his doubts, he had felt really good. So alive. And although he had enjoyed the whole press affair, he had done everything he could to get to his meeting with Domen on time.

"Wow, megalomania has a new name," Domen replied nervously. What was he doing? He should just get it over with. Short and painless. Well, at least short he should be able to manage.

"Okay, that's enough now. What about you? Honestly, you're acting so weird all day, "Daniel stated, stepping closer to Domen to better interpret his features. They clearly needed to find another venue, this one wasn’t good for him and his nerves, though, maybe, if Anders was right, then maybe that was ... No! He should stay on the ground and on which only in the rarest cases laid glitter. Nevertheless, Daniel didn’t manage to control his mouth corners.

Domen took a deep breath and prayed that he would find the right words: "Okay ... um ... I know that we don’t know each other so well, after all, we are quasi friends since yesterday, but well, nevertheless somehow we know a lot from each other and you have to believe me when I tell you that this friendship is really important to me, "Domen babbled, wondering what he actually said for nonsense.

He had great difficulty keeping his thread. He found it difficult to sort out his thoughts because Daniel stood so close to him looking at him with those incredible eyes. "And I'll respect your decision, I mean, er, I can understand, if you don’t want to talk to me again afterwards-"

"That won’t happen," the Norwegian interrupted him tense. He had to restrain himself from overcoming the distance between them to simply kiss Domen. He just couldn’t believe that Anders should be right. Everything went right to this one event, that he had thought was so virtually impossible. 

"That's uh ... nice, but better wait until I ... okay, you said you need more time and I warned you about my lack of patience, which unfortunately developed an uh ... its own life," the Slovenian stammered.

"Wait ... what are you talking about?", Confused, the Norwegian stared at him. Whatever he had expected, that had not been it. Domen stared at him motionlessly.

"I stole something. So taken. I lent it? But unlawfully ... "he stammered and pulled the letter out of his pocket. -

"You have what ?!" Questioning Daniel looked between the note in Domens hand and the Slovenian back and forth.

"Well, it was lying around ... so alone on your bed and somehow ... meaningful. I don’t know, I did not think and just take it and I'm sorry, okay? "It finally blurted out of him at a breathtaking speed.

"I could have imagined it," Daniel said more to himself than to Domen, and turned to the window, from where you could see the dark silhouettes of the mountains rising in the distance.

"What could you have thought?" Domen inquired, not quite understanding what had just happened to Daniel. He had expected him to shout, leave the room angrily, but not ... that. Daniel looked disappointed and resigned, and at the same time so angry with himself. Daniel was supposed to be angry with him. He had it screwed up.

"Forget it!" –

"No, Daniel! Now wait! I didn’t read the letter. For real! And I understand that you’re angry- "

"You understand?! No, you don’t understand anything! Not the least, otherwise you would have leave it! "Daniel was angry. Angry at himself, that he had let Anders influence him. Angry at Domen, because he just didn’t understand. Angry that he couldn’t have more.

"That's not up to me! You must play the silence of the lambs! But you know what? You're right. I really don’t understand what your problem is, "Domen crossed his arms in unison, glaring at Daniel.

"I won’t discuss this with you now," the Norwegian blocked and wanted to make his way past the Slovenian, but Domen blocked his way to the door with his arm.

"Why not? You can’t tell me that you have something better to do this evening, "Domen jibed on. At some point between his apology and Daniel's outburst, this whole thing had developed a life of its own. He had stopped thinking and thrown his good intentions overboard. The whole day he had been thinking about Daniel, tormented by the strangest ideas. He couldn’t stop now. 

"Yes, actually I have something better to do." Daniel even had a lot to do. He had to glue his heap of shards together again, which Domen unknowingly left behind.

"Then your self-pity party will have to wait," he replied, to the surprise of the Norwegian, who flinched at his words.

"Why don’t you understand it? There is nothing to talk about! I can’t do anything but accept it, "he tried to make Domen to understand the whole thing somehow. It drove him crazy that Domen, just like Anders, couldn’t leave him alone. They both didn’t have the slightest idea what they were talking about. Especially Domen not. "I don’t know what's so complicated about it, that Anders and you can’t get it!"

"Maybe because we’re right? You can’t just look so resigned and do nothing! Stop hiding and start living! "

"Start living ...?! Seriously? I have a pulse, okay?! I breathe, I run. I think that's life, "Daniel pointed out angrily down his body. 

"You know, what I mean. Does she even know how you feel? Did you talk to her? "Domen asked, ignoring the discomfort that came over him when he spoke of her. Whoever the girl was, who made Daniel upset, she didn’t deserve him.

"That wouldn’t make a difference, believe me. There are things that you can’t force. I know that's hard to understand for you, but you can’t always be hell-bent on getting your own way, "Daniel shouted desperately, though he would like to have laugh hysterically. Why did everyone suddenly feel like they had to interfere in his life? That messed everything up! They should just leave him alone! "If you would excuse me now, as you have already stated, I really have to go to my self-pity party."

"First you talk to me," Domen didn’t even think about giving in now, but instead of answering, Daniel just wanted to push past him to the door. Domen, however, was faster, turned the key in the lock and pulled it out. "Or with her. I don’t care, but you should stop eating everything inside yourself, because if you don’t realize it, it will totally ruin you. Maybe it won’t be easier, but at least, you don’t have to hide anymore. That would be something, right? "

Overwhelmed, Daniel considered what he should do. Everything Domen told him, what Anders and his mother had told him, sounded so terribly reasonable. If only it wouldn’t be about the Slovenian. "Open that damn door!" Daniel demanded desperately. Domen killed him with his unknowing and naivety. He had to get out. Come down. Then he could deal with him later again.

"No," Domen announced curtly. He wanted to know why Daniel was acting like this. What he was so afraid of.

"Give me that stupid key right away!" The Norwegian snapped, taking a step closer to Domen as his hand jerked forward and caught Domens wrist which the Slovenian pulled with all his might behind his back, holding his and Daniel's hand between himself and the door, clamped.

"Come on, Daniel. Stake everything on one card once in a lifetime. I offer myself here as a test object. If you want, I can also change my voice, then you can imagine that I would be her if that helps you and I won’t run away either. It can’t be that terrible, "Domen promised, looking Daniel straight in the eye, who was only a few inches away from him through his action. It was difficult for Domen to think straight. He took his other hand and this time he simply gave in to his impulse and laid it to Daniel's cheek.

Daniel stared agitated at Domen. He tried to get his mind to work again, to turn away. But every fiber of his body was busy concentrating on Domen, his touch, which dominated everything and at the same time plunged him into chaos, while Anders float around in his head with the ride into the sunset. He should stake everything on one card? No longer hiding himself? He was so tired of hiding.

Domen watched Daniel struggle with himself, literally trapped by his presence as he felt the body heat from Daniel, shifting to his body. Heat spread and a crackling, almost unbearable tension lay over them. "So, why don’t you just tell me?"

....

"Because it's you." The Norwegian had spoken softly, and it took a while for Domen to realize exactly, what he had heard.

"What do you mean: Because it's me? ", Confused, he dropped his hand, which had lain on Daniel's cheek a moment before. "Do you think you can’t talk to me? That I can’t keep a secret?!"

"No, I didn’t mean it like-"

"But that sounded suspiciously like that," Domen nudged Daniel back, knowing that he had no right to feel that way.

"You aren’t listening to me, I-"

"No, all right, I already understood. I stole the letter. Doesn’t necessarily speak for me, even if I only did that to help you, because I was worried, but well, at least tell her what's up- ", the Slovenian raged to himself and gesticulated wildly.

"Domen" -

"Is it really that hard to understand, that I was worried?" He exclaimed in frustration, thinking of Severin and his wife. She had also worried and it had helped Severin. Why did Daniel just have to do everything so complicated? "Yeah, maybe, but- Hey, what are you doing?!"

Domen suddenly found himself face to face with Daniel again. Outraged he wanted to free himself, but this time Daniel was the one who didn’t let up and held Domen pressed against a pillar. Determined to finish what he had started. Daniel would stake everything on one card this time. He wanted to know how Domen would react. What his hand in his face had meant. He couldn’t think of anything else.

"You get it wrong," Daniel sighed, his heart thumping loud as he leaned down to look at Domen.

What did the Norwegian do? What did he do here? Unable to move, he stared at Daniel wide-eyed, his eyes wandering nervously to Daniels lips and back to his eyes, giving the impression that they were carrying all the weight of the world in them. "And how am I supposed to understand it then?" Domen asked stiffly, only to break the silence that became more unbearable with each millimeter Daniel came closer to him.

Frustrated, over the confusion in Domens face, Daniel overcame the last bit, what could have been called conventional distance between them.

"It's you, Butterprincess," whispered the Norwegian barely audible, before he laid his lips gently on the young Slovenian. Staking everything on one card.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone,  
> at first, of course, I hope you liked the chapter because it's one of my favorites. 
> 
> So, I've been thinking for a week now and finally decided to take a break for two reasons:  
> First: I just need a little time to translate further. I am working and studying and I haven’t enough time to translate one chapter per week.  
> Second: It’s just less going on here in the summer months and I update this story, like any other writer too, that people read it and maybe give me feedback. So I just don’t want to blow the chapters, if you know what I mean. Don’t get it wrong, I'm very grateful for any feedback from you and maybe I'm just a bit spoiled by the german versions feedback at the different websites, but at the moment it tires me a little bit and I miss the fun on sharing something.  
> I hope you can understand my reasons for this break. I don’t know if the break will be really until the first World Cup in Wisla, but at the moment that’s what I decided to do.  
> So, hopefully you’re not mad at me. And of course I hope you won’t forget Butterprincess and Slowcoach in the meantime.I really hope we read us again!  
> I wish all of you a nice rest of summer!  
> zaara


	18. Daniel - Garmisch-Partenkirchen - Day of competition

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, what should I say? I had more freetime last week than I planned... so here is the next chapter. I hope you could enjoy reading. I think I will be able to post a new chapter next week as well. But I'm not sure. It depends on how fast I get on tonight :)  
> But the main reason why I get in touch is that I have to get a rid of a huge THANK YOU for all the kudos for the last chapter. WOW! That really blew me away! It means so much to me to see that there are people who seem to like my writing. So Thank you. Really. 
> 
> Blue Judy- All the things you know  
>  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vTwRgxsxLl4

Woven under a thick heavy blanket shielding him from the environment, he walked slowly up the stairs. His loud beating pulse and heavy breath made no other sounds reach his ears. It was like being trapped in a dream. And right now he really wanted nothing more than to be in one of those dreams. What had he done? Why on earth didn't he care about the consequences for a few minutes? One could have assumed that he had learned his lesson after the matter with Aleksander.

Dazed, Daniel put one foot in front of the other. Always up the stairs. And despite that strange feeling of hopelessness lost in the dense fog, his thoughts raced and he felt trapped. Trapped in a vortex he set in motion. In his personal tunnel of the nightmare, whose light had unfortunately turned out to be a train, which now raced directly to him. And he could only stand by and wait until he was rolled over. It was like one of those bad dreams where you were desperately trying to escape from the monster, but had no control over your legs and just couldn't move. This was his entire life. And that's how the rest would be. Maybe. Quite likely, if Domen was blabbing. Should he blab. Daniel didn't know. He just didn't know much.

Arrived on his floor, he stopped. He looked at the heavy iron door that separated him from the hall behind which he heard loud voices. He slowly raised his hand to put it on the latch and go to his room. To hide in his bed and forget. Although he doubted that would work. He was trapped in a damned Déjà Vu. He knew that the silence of the night would mock him and not give him a minute of restful forgetting sleep. Instead, it would rip him.

"Now leave your hair like it is and finally come!" - "Yes! My goodness you will probably even comb your hair! "These were Andreas and Tom, who shared the room right next to the staircase door.

"Comb - yes. But you're going to style it, Tom ... I'm just waiting for you to take your pink princess hair clips out of your pocket ... "-" You can talk with the three stumps on your head! I have to do it proper, otherwise- "

"Say, where are you ?!", Robert's voice rang through the door impatiently. Surely, the three met to play a round with the PlayStation. Or to play a game of poker. Whatever. Actually, it didn't matter. He wouldn't attend.

Why couldn't he live such a carefree life? Why couldn't his biggest concern be with his haircut? Instead, he stood here, fearing that his entire life could implode at any moment, while he just couldn't forget Domens mien out of his head.

Silently he listened. When he heard no more voices, he pushed the handle of the door down and entered the hall. He looked around stealthily. Only when the coast was clear, he hurried through the hotel corridor to his room. With shaking hands he fished his key out of his pocket and opened the door, where auspicious darkness welcomed him. Daniel let out a relieved breath, unaware he was holding his breath. He was just not ready to deal with Anders now. He knew he would say things he would only regret.

Quietly, he closed the door behind him as Daniel was blinded by the bright light and everything around him began to move loudly. Seconds later he was buried among his teammates.

"Surprise!" - "Congratulations, New Year's Winner!" - "I always knew what was in you!" - "Today was masterful!"

Everyone stormed at the same time. Dazed, Daniel let everyone do it. Daniel was all at sea, hopelessly overwhelmed. He looked around at the happy faces that awaited a beaming winner who had disappeared an hour or so ago.

"Now let the man have breathing room!", Halvor pushed through, shooing his teammates back into the room, while he put an arm around Daniel's shoulders. Silence returned.

"So Daniel, how do you feel after such a historic victory? I mean, we all knew what that victory would mean to you, but that it actually happened ... That's utter madness, right? You have to burst out of sheer luck, " Halvor whispered and all eyes turned to Daniel.

Yes, it had been madness. He should never have said anything. He should have listened to his mind, who had shouted at him all the time. He had flung him all the reasons that had spoken against his decision. And there had been good reasons. He had ignored it, regardless. Domen had completely upset him. His touch, his closeness. His relentless urge had sparked his hopes, set him on fire. If it had been faint smoldering embers left by Anders and his mother with their speeches, Domen had transformed it with a single touch into a devastating, all-destroying forest fire. Domen had faced him, his eyes wide with dread, silently asking him what he had done.

"Daniel? Everything okay? "Halvor waved a hand in front of his face.

No, it wasn't okay. Nothing at all. It probably would never be again. Not the way things were right now. "Yes, sure. I um ... sorry. I'm still trying to make it all happen, "he said jerkily, running his trembling hands through his hair, trying to make a happy grimace, as one would expect from a lucky winner, while Domen continued to accuse him. Nervously, he looked at his friends, who were all sitting in the room staring at him expectantly. Then his gaze caught on at Anders, who had made himself comfortable at the very back of the windowsill and looked at him worriedly. He knew something was wrong. Anders was Anders.

"I mean, I always dreamed about it and then today that ... somehow it tore the ground from under my feet. Everything is still so surreal. The whole press, the attention and recognition of you all. I can't - I mean, I try to suck up every moment, because it almost feels like it's too good to be true. Maybe ... tomorrow is all over again. The-"

"Danny, you should work urgently on your positive attitude. Why should it be over tomorrow? You've been jumping on a high level for so long and today you finally won ", Halvor knocked his head shaking his head and everyone in the room nodded affirmatively.

"Don't know, a lot can happen and-"

"Definitely not today, so your brain is shut out. Celebrate a bit. Enjoy life, "grinned Halvor as he walked to the small portable radio that someone had brought along and played music.

_"... the distance and spaces between us_

_you have come to show you, go on_

_near, far, wherever you are,_ "Celine Dion rang out of the speakers and the entire room began to moan and laugh.

"I think Halvor would like to tell Daniel something," Tom giggled cockily as Halvor blushed and hurried to change the radio station.

"Uuuuuuuhhhh! Who would have thought that our little boy is so romantically inclined! ", Andreas pulled him on and the first appreciative whistles echoed through the room. Johann already had tears of laughter in his eyes.

"Stop that shit!" Hissed Halvor, feeling offended, and flashed at them angrily.

"Isn't it cute how he adorns himself? You don't need to be embarrassed. Daniel's hair is hard to resist, "Tom teased, resting his head on his hands and glaring at his younger colleague while the rest laughed at Tom's gesture.

Only Daniel didn't manage to make a laugh. Petrified, he watched the exchange of blows and heard in his tunnel already the warning signal of a train. It was like watching everything from very far away. As if he saw the disaster coming and couldn't stop it.

"Now leave him alone," said Anders emphatically, staring at Tom warningly, who was not guilty, just shrugged his shoulders.

"Thanks, Anders. At least one who realizes that I'm not one of them, "Halvor replied, bent over the drinks and held a champagne bottle in the air. "Someone thirsty?" He asked, smiling, as if nothing had happened.

It started to roar in Daniel's ears. It pulled him back to the place he wanted to had long since forgotten.

_"Are you crazy?! I would never knowingly bother with one of them. That's weird! Think about how many times we've changed clothes together after sports. The fag must have felt like at the Christmas buffet and we didn't know anything. I'm really feel raped! I mean, that's sick! That belongs locked away! "_

_"And you really didn't notice, San?"_

_"If I tell you! In retrospect, of course, there was a lot that I could've noticed, but do you always think the worst?! I mean, just because you have a headache from time to time, you don't even think about a brain tumor. "_

_"Right. And he doesn't look like the classic fag ... Well, you know ... bright colors, soft facial features, no make-up. Just as you would expect. Anyway, see you later. "_

_"See you, Dude!" Then a door was torn open. A short time later, it fell back into the lock with a loud bang, which was echoing into Daniel's innermost._

San and his new best friend Jonas had no idea that he had been standing in one of the shower cubicles back then. Terrified and unable to move, he had listened to every word that had been like another punch in the pit of his stomach. In these first weeks he would be almost knocked out. If it hadn't been sports and his mother ...

And now he was standing here, in the midst of his friends. In his other actually better life, that seemed relentless to turn back to his old life. And he couldn't do anything about it. Just standing there helpless and watch.

"What is that supposed to mean? 'One of them', "Anders asked, drawing geese feet into the air. The silence in the room was heavy over all.

"Well, you know ..." Halvor squirmed uncomfortably under the gaze of those who met the floor with embarrassment.

"No, to be honest, I don't know. Otherwise I wouldn't ask, "said the little Norwegian and the tension in the room became more unbearable for Daniel. He was afraid of what was coming now. Inevitably had to come.

"Well, do I look like I'm gay ?!" –

"No idea, what do you look like when you're gay?"

"Well, not ... um ... somehow effeminate?" Halvor stammered to himself and his head assumed an even darker shade of red. The subject was visibly uncomfortable to Halvor. Holding his breath, Daniel watched the reactions of his teammates. He was grateful to Anders that he advocate for him and tried to teach his comrades, but he knew better. He had tried it countless times and had failed too often. Prejudices weren't simply changed with a well-meaning speech and valid arguments and evidence. They were too much anchored in the head.

Speechless, they stared at Halvor, then everyone started to laugh aloud to everyone's surprise. "Tell me, in which century did you get stuck ?! Haven't you been taught that you shouldn't believe everything you are told? Really! Does Jason Collins look like a girl?! "

"No but-" -

"Or Daniela like a man?" Interrupted the sweating Halvor. Daniel looked stupidly at Anders, who gave him an 'I-told-you-look' look. As if that were the norm. But it was not.

"That's not what I meant, I-"

"Then think about what you're saying about yourself. After all, you never know, "Tom stopped as the door opened again.

"Damn, you hid well! Johann, with your directions I would have found Santa's headquarters at the North Pole rather than- Oh, am I interrupting? " Silje stomped loudly into the room, drawing all her attention.

"No! Not at all. Glad you're here, "Halvor hurried to say, and relieved the eldest daughter of her sports director Clas Brede Bråthen in the room, which turned immediately to Daniel.

"Nice competition today", she grinned at him and pulled him into a short hug. Shortly thereafter, everyone awoke from their stupor and greeted the blond-haired. Silje was in her early twenties and occasionally accompanied her father to the competitions. She was a cosmopolitan and friendly person and got on well with her father's protégés. It was an open secret that she had a weakness for Daniel since she first met him five years ago.

"Thanks," Daniel replied simply. Silje looked at him suspiciously first, then she looked around the room.

"What's happening? Shouldn't here playing music while you all cheering up some nonsense? Why the grave mood? ", Asked Silje wondering.

"Silje is right. Come on, turn on the music, I'll distribute the cups, "Anders gave a jerk and immediately life came into the room and the conversations turned to other topics. Everyone could go on with his life. Halvor's words dismiss as stupidity or even unknowingness.

Daniel, who was still in the middle of the room and didn't know where to go, got a glass of champagne in his hand from someone. He watched as Andreas opened the top drawer of Anders nightstand, which, as always, had the cards to play poker. Anders was just constant.

And just as one could rely on his order, one could also rely on his sense of the mood of the people around him. Three seconds later, he pushed Daniel gently in the side and pointed in the direction of the door.

Dedicated, Daniel nodded and followed Anders, who grabbed their jackets as they passed the dressing room. Without thinking, Daniel followed his friend and was surprised when they finally landed on the roof of the hotel.

Cool air struck them, urging Daniel's lungs inexorably. Together, they went to the edge of the roof and sat down, and let their legs dangle into the depths. Silently they sat side by side, listening to the silence of the night while they dwell on thoughts.

Silence. Darkness. Emptiness. If Anders would now asked him what he felt, then he would probably answer with these three words: Silence. Darkness. Emptiness. He stared out into the night.

Watching the trees turn under the slow-pounding wind, the clouds overhead swiftly sweeping over them, intercepting the cold, bright glow of the moon. The world was submerged in darkness while time stood still. Froze.

The night had frozen the beauty of nature and now covered it with tiny silver crystals that glittered in the moonlight. No sign of life. Just silence, darkness and emptiness trapped under the cold relentless mantle of frost. And yet it was beautiful.

Deep Daniel sucked the cold air into his lungs. He felt the cold go deep inside and enjoyed that strange feeling, as if he was about to go down and absolutely ready for it. In a strangely twisted way, he came to rest. He knew everything that was coming now was out of his hands and he could do absolutely nothing about it. After all, he didn't experience it all for the first time.

All he could do was sit here next to Anders, soak up the beauty of the night, let the liberating sensation of the tempestuous wind sweep him, and soak up the power of that silence.

"You shouldn't have heard that," Anders finally broke the silence of the night.

"That's okay. At least now I know it's better the way it is, "Daniel replied, meaning not just the team.

"What? No! Didn't you listen to Tom and Andreas? "-

"But I have," Daniel replied flatly, laying his chin on the lowest pole of the railing and looking up to the moon wistfully. He was tired of having to constantly justify himself when no one understood. Nobody could understand.

"But why, I don't know, aren't you happy?"

"Why should I be happy about that, Anders? There should be no reason to rejoice. It should just be okay, "Daniel clenched his hand into a fist in frustration.

"But that's it," Anders contradicted, laying a hand on his shoulder, which Daniel shook off immediately.

"No. It's not. It's not just okay! I have to say it. I would have to adhere to my sexuality. I would have to come out, as the saying goes. But why? Everyone is always talking about equal rights for all, but tell me Anders: Where is your outing? It's okay for you. Normal. Nobody asks you when you decided to be straight, as if you could decide for or against. Nobody will dismiss your concerns with a smile. Everyone is always talking about how far and tolerant our society is, as if there were no homophobia. The accusatory looks, the whisper. Because that, Anders, is the reality, " Daniel replied toneless and looked Anders directly in the eyes. Silently challenging Anders to contradict him.

"What did the bastard do?" Anders asked angrily, who couldn't explain Daniel's behavior any differently. So resigned he had never seen his friend. And who else could be to blame?

"Domen has done nothing," Daniel said emphatically, emphasizing in particular the name of the Slovenian.

"I'm not stupid! I have no idea what went wrong at your meeting, but I see how you struggle. So what did the little stubborn do? What did he say? Why don't you run around with a stupid grin, that all freshly in love ones owns ?! ", Anders and looked at Daniel.

"Maybe because he isn't ?! And he really can't do anything about that, "Daniel sighed. He had screwed it up. He alone. He was severely baffled that Anders blamed Domen for his actions, though he didn't even know the end of their meeting.

"Sure, and I'm the tooth fairy. I tell you, I know what I heard. And I know even better what I saw. The little dickhead was jealous. He almost burst and then I wouldn't be in Jarkko's skin. Maybe he was just scared and that's why he didn't confess. I'm- "Anders mused aloud.

"Oh, he confessed." Daniel snorted. "He just didn't confess what you thought."

"Aha, and what did the little fool confess then?", Anders wanted to know and wondered what the Slovenian had screwed up again instead.

"He stole that silly piece of paper. He probably thought that he could figure out who your stupid forest girl is, "Daniel explained curtly and still couldn't quite grasp how far the Slovenian had gone. How important the friendship had been to Domen. And then he had to ruin everything just because he was so ... because he was so weary of. Because he had told himself, the hand on his face, on his cheek would mean something. He had guessed from the beginning how this would end and now he had the proof. "And would you please stop calling him like that?" He continued in frustration. Domen wasn't responsible for his feelings, nor was he.

"What kind of a note? Since when we're talking about a piece of paper? ", Anders drove through his hair in confusion. He had the feeling that he was limping miles behind the scenes, after leaving Daniel only two hours out of his sight.

Without a word Daniel handed Anders the letter. Frowning, he unfolded it and held it in the moonlight. _"Dear Daniel,"_ he began to read aloud. _"I know, if you read this letter, you won't even be able to remember my face. Maybe you will never get to read it, but I just had to write it and tell you that I admire you. I love to see you jump and if I could, I would spent every minute of my time at the hills of this world every weekend just to cheer you on. It's just so beautiful when you lift yourself up. As if you had never done anything else. And as many high-altitude flights as you've had, you've remained down-to-earth. I've never experienced you rude or arrogant. If you smile at the cameras, then I feel like my world is brightening up-_ Okay, I've had enough. That and the hearts are enough. Could imagine that has the blood of our hothead powerfully fueled, "chuckled Anders smugly next to Daniel.

"When will you finally get it !? There is nothing. Besides, he didn't even read it, "Daniel growled. This view. Domen had looked at him like the wolf that was about to eat the Little Red Riding Hood. Domen just didn't see it coming.

"You can't know that, I'm-"

"On the contrary! I can. I told him, okay? ", He interrupted Anders, who fell into shock in total surprise.

"WHAT?!" -

"He knows it. I bring myself to told him. "

"But why? I mean: What? Why? How? ", Babbled Anders stunned. He had expected a lot, but that he was allowed to experience that... He would have thought, rather had the cabinet been used.

"I just got so tired of it and then I didn't get your stupid sunset out of my head and then Domen ... didn't let up ... and I ... don't know, I just didn't think," he tried to explain to Anders, while at the same time he was against it struggled to mentally retreat back to the spa area.

"How did he react?", Anders asked softly and turned his eyes back into the distance, while Daniel pounced on all the pictures he had tried to banish. Tormented, he closed his eyes and was almost immediately back in the spa.

His eyes closed, his lips gently pressed against the young Slovenian's, while everything in him had gone crazy. After all resistance had failed, Daniel had regained his courage and started to gnaw gently on the lips.

Then the harsh reality had fallen over him and he had felt Domen froze. How his hands, which had previously clung weakly to his upper arms, cramped, not to pull him closer to himself, as he had thought blissfully at first, but to push him away.

"Shit!" Breathing heavily, Domen had looked at him with horrified eyes while Daniel's hope had collapsed. Waiting, he had stood there, hoping that Domen would say something. Anything that would've made the situation more bearable for him. That he would keep his promise not to run away. "What the hell is this ?!", he had asked. He had stared at him with pale-faced. Accusingly? Angry? Stunned? Horrified? Daniel hadn't been able to pinpoint it, but somehow it had been a mixture of all that.

"Domen, I- I'm sorry, that-"

"No!" Domen had shrugged almost fearfully as he approached to apologize. To calm him down. To tell him that it was okay if he didn't reciprocate his feelings. But with Daniel's attempt, life had come to the young Slovenian. Panic, Domen had turned around, had run to the door and had shaken like a madman at the latch that hadn't wanted to release his escape route.

That Domen himself had been the one who had locked them together a few moments ago, he had completely forgotten. Domen had just wanted to leave, as soon as possible.

Panic Daniel had followed, but made sure to keep a safe distance. "Domen, let me explain! I- I'm sorry, really! I didn't just want to ... lash into you ... "it had trickled out, hoping Domen might listen to him. But instead, he had just shaken more violently at the door and Daniel had given up. Seeing that he couldn't reach Domen at the moment. So he had done the only thing he could have done at the moment: picking up the key from the ground, which Domen had dropping as Daniel kissed him, pushing the Slovenian aside, ignoring the fact that Domen flinched briefly at his touch, the door unlocked and pushed open. Then he had stepped back and cleared the way.

Silently, Domen had watched his actions. When his escape route was finally open, he hesitated. Their eyes were caught in each other, then Domen had fled and left Daniel alone with a huge pile of shards. He didn't even know if it was worth putting it back together.

"I just don't know - there's nothing left. There's just that overpowering void that swallows all feelings. And maybe, maybe I should just accept it. No idea ... it's okay, "Daniel hesitantly ended his story while picking up a pine cone that had landed on the roof.

Anders had eavesdropped on Daniel's words. Anders fury grew up with every word on the Slovenian. That was all so wrong. "No it's not. I could tear this stubborn head to pieces! "

"Leave him in peace! He didn't deserve that. What is not, you can't force. You talked yourself into believing, face it, "sighed Daniel melancholy into the night.

"Why are you protecting this idiot ?!" Anders flashed him off the side.

"Because it was me who totally overwhelmed Domen. He didn't see that coming, "Daniel answered calmly.

"Then he isn't just an idiot, but also an absolute twat. How could he not see that coming? ", Snorted Anders indignantly.

"Heck, Anders. Domen is seventeen. No idea if he ever thought about relationships. Besides, I could have known, you didn't see him as he saw the gay couple. There-"

"Yeah and that's damn better for the little bastard!" Anders interrupted his friend angrily.

"Anders!"

"What?! Who told you afterwards that he had no problems with gays ?! Honestly, I can't understand why you're defending that ass, "Anders crossed his arms next to him while Daniel's patience began to explode.

"I already told you that it was my fault. I wouldn't have had to grab him right away and kiss. That's gone wrong once before. I'm the one who should've known better, "he explained, emphasizing calmly, snorting beside him.

"Are you kidding me? Are you serious when you say that. This dweeb- "

"Anders! Now stop calling him that! ", Daniel snapped angrily as he registered that a small smile had stolen on Anders face.

"So please, it can't look so empty and numb in you. After all, you can still muster the energy to defend the little git, "he grinned patronizingly at Daniel, who turned away, grumbling. "But seriously, just listen to your best friend once in a lifetime, who, by the way, owe a one-year rest period to all those gray hairs and strained nerves, and hak the whole thing off yet."

"I don't know, the last time I listened to you, it wasn't too good for me," Daniel turned away.

"Then- uhm ... okay. Then listen to your mother, if you feel better, "he replied without thinking. Anders was just so sure! He hated the Slovenian for what he had done to Daniel with his reaction, but if he was completely honest with himself, then he had no idea how he would have reacted at that age. And Daniel just couldn't give up. Not if there was still a chance that the Slovenian might regain control and at least be friends. Even if he couldn't understand Daniel's view, he couldn't fully comprehend what he saw in the Slovenian. It would be something that might have escaped him, and on one point he was sure: Daniel wasn't all the same to the little fool. The only question was whether it was enough that he could overcome himself.

"Why do you know what my mother says?", He suspiciously eyed Anders, who grinned at him like a real innocent.

"Maybe we talked on New Year's Eve ...? And maybe, but really, maybe, I mean, in the least likely case, did she put cards to me and some of the other guys? "Anders looked uncertainly at him and struggled to suppress a laugh as Daniel embarrassed pushed his head at the rod in front of him.

"You can't leave this woman alone for five minutes!" He groaned loudly.

"Yes, but she knows what she's talking about. I'm convinced of that, "he confidently said, and Daniel stopped to ask what made him so sure. Sometimes less was more.

"Now let's go back to the others. They'll miss their champion and the mood here is real - sorry, if I put it so radically - depressing, "Anders pulled him to his feet and drove him in front of him. "You have to return to people, as a hermit you give a very bad figure. And now tell me, what was that feeling to be at the top? "

Sighing, Daniel chased after Anders and told him how he had done on the podium. He was grateful to Anders that he was what he was, trying to distract him. Only the fact that he had been looking forward to meeting Domen all the time, while everyone had wanted to talk to him and he simply couldn't think straight, he omitted.

"And then these, I do not know, maybe fifty people? got up and sang, according to Heja Norge! For me! That's so crazy! I didn't do anything more than jump quite passable! ", Daniel enthused, as they ran down the stairwell. "That's never- Oh!", Daniel stopped, who had run into Anders, because he had suddenly stopped. "Why don't you - Oh."

Frozen, he looked into the equally surprised eyes of Domen, who stood stiffly in front of them and couldn't utter a word.

"Domen," Anders scowled at the young Slovenian and pulled him out of his trance.

"Anders," Domen replied, staring at Daniel only. His mouth opened briefly, as if to say something.

Maybe apologize or at least say that it was okay that he was just completely overwhelmed, Daniel thought hopefully. But instead, Domen turned his eyes to the floor, shuffling silently past them into the stairwell and running down the stairs as if the devil were personally after him.

Daniel listened sadly to the footsteps thatechoed down the staircase until they fell silent. Then he turned back toAnders, who looked at him in anger: "Why should I stop calling him an ass?!I'm afraid you have to explain that to me again ... "


	19. Domen - Innsbruck - Day off

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fleurie - Hurricane  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NSDDdh2IIpY

"So thank you, Mr. Jensen, and of course the whole Ford team, for allowing us this afternoon and looking forward to an entertaining, but also instructive safety car training," Goran shook hands with the short, squat man with the thick old-fashioned horn-rimmed glasses made his eyes looked like beetles. Mr. Jensen, who was middle-aged, smiled shyly at them. "And before leaving the field for you, let me give you a few brief remarks on today's schedule."

Domen, listening intently and trying to focus on Goran's words, rubbed his tired eyes. It was hard for him to concentrate on anything. Because since yesterday he had the feeling that life passed him by and he felt like a spectator who watched everything from a distance. Felt uncomfortably tight packed in cotton. Only now and then, a rash came to him. Accompanied by the noise in his ears as his pulse rose. The feeling of being swept away by an invisible power he couldn’t do anything about.

They had arrived at the hotel in Innsbruck less than an hour ago and almost immediately Goran had quoted them in the conference room to discuss today's schedule. The day plan for their day off, well-noted. Somehow Domen had imagined a bit different under the term "free" than Goran.

"Debriefing today for all the same with me immediately, individually, of course, say who wants first. Domen, Andrej is waiting for you in room 002. Just down the hallway across the bridge, through the small foyer and then sharply to the left. For you, there will be debriefing tomorrow, "Goran continued, and for the first time that day, Domen was listening.  
"Why only tomorrow?", He demanded suspiciously. It wasn’t like he won the competition, Domen thought almost automatically and regretted it almost immediately. Daniel appeared in front of him. Smiling. On the way to the podium. His pulse increased. With difficulty he tore himself away from the picture. Forced to concentrate fully on Goran again.

"You jumped well, boy. There were only a few little things. It will be enough if we deal with it tomorrow before qualifying, "Goran replied matter-of-factly, watching anxiously as Domens face darkened.

"And how should I know what to look for in practice today?" He demanded of his coach, in a tone that clearly showed that he believed that Goran was wrong in the garret. After all, he intended to make good use of his day in the weight room.

"Ah, your question brings me straight to the next point: None of you will even put a toe across the threshold of the weight room today-"

"WHAT ?!", Domen escaped horrified and drew everyone's attention.

Goran ignored the interjection and continued, "And not even breathe on Nejc for imitation exercises. Regeneration is the magic word of today. Relax. We only have half time. I want you to come down a bit and devote most of the day to things other than jumping. Tomorrow we‘ll start again with new energy. Does anyone see a problem? "

Yes! He saw one. What should that be? Had Goran sniffed the incense sticks of Andrej for too long ?! Completely frozen from the training ban, Domen sat in his place. He wouldn’t survive that day it if he wasn’t allowed to exercise. Panic spread, Domen tried to somehow regain control as he forced himself to sit quietly in his seat and shake his head.

Satisfied, Goran nodded. He knew that it was just right for his team, but especially for Domen. Although the youngest Prevc scion wasn’t necessarily known for his well-balanced personality, he had never seen him as tense as in recent days. Slowly he wondered if the tournament with all its rat tail of expectations, disappointments, press, and stuff like that might not have been too much for a seventeen-year-old. That was why it was important to him that Domen continue his work with Andrej. He didn’t want to risk creating a second Rok Benkovič.

Taking a deep breath, Domen stared at the table in front of him and slid deeper into his chair. He needed something to do. Something that went beyond looking and turning to lead, that much was clear. The hour with Andrej would be nerve-wracking enough anyway, why did Goran have to take his only bright spot this day, Domen thought desperately, as a hand unexpectedly pushed into his field of vision. Disoriented, he stared into Cene's face, who was staring at him frowning. "Say, is everything alright with you?"

"Fine. What should be? ", Domen grumbled irritably, while in the back of his head automatically started the film, which he saw since last night practically in an endless loop, which was difficult to stop. Daniel right in front of him. His blue-green eyes, which had looked at him hopefully, before he had laid his lips on his and once whirled through Domens orderly world. Domen got hot and cold when he thought of it and firmly suppressed the images of the previous evening. Nervously, he looked at Cene, hoping he hadn’t noticed. It disturbed him deeply, the feeling that the memory triggered in him. He couldn’t think about it. He just had to ignore it.

At some point it would stop by itself. Cene had just asked him something?

"What is it now?" - "What should be?", Domen asked again and would like to give in to his desire to work his brain with the tabletop, just so that it would rest. Normal. He wanted to behave normally and not even advance for the next drive in the bughouse.

"You're acting so weird," Cene eyed his younger brother suspiciously.

"You always say that. Domen, don’t act so childish. Can’t you even efface yourself, Domen? You can’t show up anywhere with you. Did you have to say that now? "He aped his brothers. He couldn’t use anyone who inquired curiously about his health. Not if he defied himself so successfully against it.

"Even weirder, I mean. After all, you've skipped breakfast today, you never miss it, "Cene wondered softly.

"And then he was on his feet before sunrise. Without my intervention, "Anže intervened, who had overheard their conversation.

"What?!?", Cene looked back and forth between the two, as Goran briefly gave them a warning look, before he turned back to Jensen, who showed them the special technique of the cars with which they would be driving in the afternoon.

"And where I think about it ... you were even the first at the car today," Cene remarked.

"Yes, stowed my bags without complaining ...", Anže sang the same horn and both stared at each other as if they had just found the Amber Room. Domen, on the other hand, pointed to Jensen nervously tugging on his tie while pointing to some technical drawings on the wall as Cene put a hand on his forehead. Angrily, he knocked it away.

"He isn’t ill. So, brother: Why so exemplary? ", Cene pushed his elbow into his side.

"Maybe he wants more Christmas presents next year. Santa Claus won’t have missed his naughty behavior, "chuckled Anže quietly.

Or maybe he was just a coward, shouting through Domen's brain, the words bouncing off his skull wall like the ball of a pinball game. Caused a huge noise. Became too blatant.

Imperceptibly, he shook his head to stop the onslaught on his brain and turned to Cene and Anže, who were still discussing his strange behaving. "... -like, this is about women ?!", Anže doubtfully frowned and regarded Domen critically, like a scientist scanning his experimental rat under the microscope.

"Or else, I thought it would be beneficial to not irritate Goran more than I already did," Domen rejoined the conversation, which had taken an awkward turn. Cene should just keep his stupid theories to himself. He had seen where that could lead, he thought uneasily.

 _FORESTGIRL_ , it shot through his head without being able to prevent it. His heart stopped for a moment, catching the missed stroke in the next minute. His pulse was riding a roller coaster.

"Sure, that explains the overwhelming joy of chilling," Anže said sarcastically. Silently, Cene nodded beside him and kept his eyes on Domen. He had an idea of what his brother was carrying around with him, after all, he hadn’t forgotten the wistful, thoughtful look.

"You just can’t have it all at once," Domen murmured, shrugging his shoulders indifferently. As casually as possible, he leaned back and turned away from his two teammates.   
Jensen was still clicking through his lovingly bored slides and as much as he was trying to focus on the lecture, Jensen couldn’t dispel the dull roar in his head.

 _Uncertainty. Uneasy waiting. Green. Leaves in the dim light. Paper in his hand. Doubt._ It mercilessly drew him into a whirlwind, full of fragments of images and feelings that escaped his weary mind and thrust itself into the foreground.

Desperately searching for hold, he glanced around the room, playing with the pen in his sweating hand, taking a deep breath. Tried to find something that would stop it. So that he could persuade himself, it would be everything as always.

He looked at Jurij and Jernej, whose eyes shone brilliantly at the presentation and pictures of the presentation. For the two motorsport fans one couldn’t have found a better pastime.

Anže and Cene had returned to their Connect Four game. Right across from him sat Peter. Completely lost in his thoughts he drew with his fingernail on the table. Seemed contrite. He had pressed his lips tightly together, his eyebrows contracted. His nose unhappy wrinkled. Domen wondered what might bother him so much that he didn’t follow. Normally Peter absorbed every word that fell even in such uninteresting contexts. Domen thought about how Peter managed, even the biggest wastes of time, to feign interest.  
Peter looked up at him. What, he silently formed his lips and stared at him. Domen shook his head. Nothing. It was nothing. Everything in perfect order. How else should it be?  
Sighing, Domen stared at his watch. Just under twenty minutes, then he should report at Andrej.

"... then we would be so far through and we can start immediately with the first analysis. Choose who starts, "Goran announced, ending their meeting. Relieved, Cene and Anže sighed beside him, who had used up every inch of their single leaf.

While Jurij volunteered to be the first one, the rest went to the door chatting. Only Domen took his time, feeling everything in him tense as he stared through the doorway into the corridor.

Slowly he started to move. He would’ve liked to wait in this room until he had to go to Andrej, but Nejc, her assistant coach looked at him warning. He hadn’t even thought of discussing the powerroom ban. After all, they were unable to postpone the whole day outside the door and the area was freely accessible to hotel guests ...

Domen stepped through the door. Slowly took one step at a time. _Confessed._ His heavy breathing had to be audible to everyone. _Lost the thread._ Two men beside him. In a suit. Discussing. _Frustrated, screamed out his blandness._ On the left. Down the hall, at the end, a woman. Rummaging on the phone. _Shoved Daniel into a corner. Regardless._ Right black jogging jackets. The North Americans. Laughing. _Demanded confidence._ Further back red-and-gray jackets. A couple. Holding hands. _His hand on Daniel's cheek. Sensed soft skin under his fingers._

"Crap! Do you have to scare me like that ?! "

Worried Peter stopped, who had put a hand on his brother's shoulder, because he was apparently so lost in thought that he hadn’t heard him. "Is everything OK with you? Didn’t you hear me? "

"I um ... was distracted," Domen admitted, before continuing. He couldn’t stand here in the hall, where everyone was.

"Now wait a minute!", Peter called after him and hastened to catch up with his brother again. "Your conversation with Daniel didn’t went so well, did it?"

_Because it’s you. Anger. Incomprehension. It's you, Butterprincess. Surprise._

"Um ... it's ... complicated," Domen replied, struggling to shake off his wild swirling puffs of thought and emotion. Focusing on Peter, who was standing next to him. His mouth moved. Said something. "Sorry, what?"

Worried, Peter grabbed his brother by the arm, pulled him into the small foyer, where there was a bar with several booths. Introduced him to a secluded corner. "What's going on with you and Daniel? You’re so unfocused. Distracted, "he stared at his brother. "Are you in trouble? Or Daniel? "

"What? No. Nothing. I ... just slept badly. Anžes behaved like a sawmill for high season, "Domen replied evasively, staring at the wall.

"But if you’re involved in something-" -

"What should I be involved in?!" -

"Or anything else is going on" -

"Have you seen too many horror movies?" Domen interrupted his brother nervously. He was afraid that he suspected something. That he had unravel Daniel's secret. He hadn’t told anyone, but if they had seen by anyone? Panic he looked around. No one seemed interested in them.

"You know as well as I do that this is about much more. Diseased ambition, the desire to prove oneself and despair have driven a lot of people to do stupid things, "Peter replied darkly and a shadow crept on his face.

"What are you implying?" Domen whispered aggressively.

"Nothing. I just wanted to say that if there's anything, I'm here," Peter rowed back. He just wasn’t comfortable with the thought that there was something that Domen had so fully absorbed. It made him nervous. That made all alarm bells ring. And he worried that this could end in disaster for all involved. He didn’t even want to think about the many possibilities, but from doping to anorexia there were many scenarios in his brain. And Domen didn’t talk.

"Sure, if I need someone to hand handkerchiefs to me, you'll be the first to know, Pero," Domen murmured, still angry at his brother. He was sure that he knew what was going on in his brain and he just couldn’t believe that he was even considering these possibilities with regard to Daniel. So he decided to shift the focus of their conversation a little: "What about you?"

"What should be?" –

"What were you thinking so hard about earlier?", Domen wanted to know and noticed for the first time that day the dark circles under his brother's eyes.

"Only ... Oh, not so important. I have to go. Promised Mina to call her before noon, "Peter stopped him.

Domen looked after him incredulously. His gaze caught on a mirror that hung directly opposite him. His eyes locked in Daniel's eyes, staring at him uncertainly. Domen swallowed. His mouth was burning. _Forestgirl. Butterprincess. A secret. A kiss. Shock. Mortis. Silence. Storm. According to. Silence. Run. Stay. Broken promises. Regret. Run! Don’t do it. Please! Run! Run! RUN!_

"Not tired! Mama, mad, "a little boy ran into the room. Bring Domen out of his vortex back to reality. Locked the mess back into the back corner of his brain. Automatically he straightened up a bit, straightened his shoulders, averted his eyes. Ignored the rising nausea in his stomach. He knew what he was doing. Saw it to Daniel's reaction, which flinched slightly and also turned away. But Domen just couldn’t act different. He completely surrendered to his almost overpowering instinct for escape. Only the thought of not attracting attention kept him from picking up his legs and running.

Bluster accompanied him all the way to Andrej. His pulse pounded nervously in his ears, forming a duet with his breath as his sweaty hands trembled. Without knocking he entered the room 002, slammed the door behind him.

He drove his hand through his hair. "Shit!" He yelled into the silence, banging his fist against the wall. Why had he done that? He didn’t know. Breathing deeply, he tried to force his body to drive down. But he just couldn’t do it. Not that way. He had to react differently. Do something, he thought as the door opened and Andrey entered the room. He stared in surprise at Domen.

"You're on time," he greeted Domen, after briefly looking at his watch.

"Can we start then?", The young Slovenian ignored the remark, crossed his arms and stared impatiently at his mental coach.

"So much motivation today?," he grinned at him. Of course, Andrej was aware that it had nothing to do with motivation, but today he was too good-humored to be provoked by an unbalanced teenager. "Then let's go. After you, "Andrej pulled back his scarf and held the door open for Domen.

"What will that be?!" he asked horrified. They didn’t stay here? He had to go out again?

"Provided you're still moving today, mental training. And after we realize that closed rooms make you rather restless, today we just try something different. So: let’s go", Andrej impatiently clapped his hands.

With a sinking feeling in his stomach, Domen began to move. "What exactly does your new method involve?" He had to distract himself. First of all, he had to get out of here as soon as possible, if they couldn’t stay in the room. Away from the countless opportunities to meet Daniel.

"Oh, you'll like that. And today is exactly the right weather for it, "they came out of the front door of the hotel together. Domen wasn’t sure if he would really like it. Relieved Domen breathed as they left the hotel behind. Had the feeling of having lost part of his burden. Nevertheless, he kept his eyes lowered, while Andrej turned over because of the weather and had to comment on every detail of the landscape. Only when the concrete road turned into an unpaved dirt road did Domen look up.

This time the noise didn’t come from inside him. The wind rushed wildly through the branches, which bent under his strength. Even the trunks had nothing to oppose to it and bent and groaned while it remained calm under the treetops. There was nothing pointing to the forces that were tugging at the branches high above the treetops. Domen laughed almost hysterically. Where else would they have gone?

"I thought we would use your affinity for the forest and tap into the energy directly," Andrej explained proudly and left the dirt road. "That should help us with the following sessions."

_Forestgirl._

On autopilot, he followed Andrej, who led them deeper and deeper, while the young Slovene tried to suppress that they were in the forest. He fixed his focus on the ground. One leg at a time. Only then did he concentrate, then he would somehow survive the next hour, he thought bitterly, swallowing the fury slowly building itself in him.  
"That's perfect, or what do you mean?", Satisfied Andrej stopped after a while.

"If you think so," Domen shrugged listlessly, trying to look as uninvolved as possible. Not to freak out and not left the field to his subconscious, that cursed was sneaky and took advantage of any weakness.

"Let's focus on the energy of the forest. The peace and quiet, "Andrej began with a funny chanting voice that made Domen breathe loudly. Only the full moon and the instructions for the next rain dance were missing, he thought, while Andrej held out his hands, felt something he called, and finally sat down on a log. "We’re looking for a place in the middle of the balance. Let us fall into this harmonious paradise, make ourselves comfortable- "

"-On the cold hard ground," muttered Domen, reluctantly flopping to the floor.

"We release our tension. Our worries and become calm. Breathing adapts to the steady swaying of the trees, "Andrej went on, keeping his gaze fixed on the distance as Domen wondered if Goran might secretly want to exorcise him. Restless, he fidgeted with his leg and broke a few smaller branches that were within reach with his fingers to escape the silence. "And also the heart starts to beat in harmony with nature."

"While the skin begins to compost and leaves sprout out of the ears," growled Domen, whose nerves were about to give up.

"Listen, I know you're only here because Goran wants it, but maybe you'll put aside all your prejudices, jump over your shadow and try it seriously, Domen," Andrej remarked, his tone clearly showing how grown up Domen behave.

"I have no prejudices," he poisoned back, crossing his arms. "This is just not my thing. I don’t need it for jumping, as opposed to weight training. "

"Where do you want to know that from? You didn’t even try! ", Andrej contradicted him, while he loosened his hair pot, in order to then tie him again firmly.

"Am I invisible or what? What do you think, why I'm sitting here? I tried to get in contact with the forest, unfortunately no one can reach it under this connection. What else should I do, please? " Domen asked desperately. He wanted to get out of here. He couldn’t do that. He was wrong. Not for the first time. Only this time, he knew better. He shouldn’t have come here.

"First of all, be patient and don’t give up. You don’t even talk to everyone- "

"Pff!" -

"And then just let it go. You're so cramped, I told you that the last time. Just let things run their course. Go in you. Let it flow and chill a bit, "Andrej advised the boy as he raised and lowered his arms in time with his breathing. Domens restlessness left him cold. He had to go through it now. At some point he had to deal with himself. He couldn’t go on like that forever.

"Let it flow?! You know we aren’t allowed to smoke anything ?! ", it burst out of Domen in disbelief.

"Let it flow," Andrej nodded affirmatively. "Look, you were the one who said he went to relax in the woods. Try to remember this feeling. Look at your surroundings, they can help you find your center, "Andrey told him.

But that had been before! Now it was after.

"Okay, let's try it differently: what do you see?"

 _Daniel._ "Trees."

"I am deeply impressed. What else?"

 _Daniel, looking at him worriedly. Daniel, who ran. Daniel, who confronted him with his own shortcomings. Daniel happily throwing pine cones at him. Daniel, who stood uncertainly in front of him. Daniel, who looked at him disappointed._ "A lot of green," Domen whispered.

"Continue."

Domen breathed deeply. Andrej had closed his eyes, sitting in front of him like a little Buddha. "What else do you see, Domen?"

 _Daniel, who was strong. Daniel, who was everywhere. Daniel, who helped. Daniel, who coped with everything. Daniel, who padded the problems of all._ "Tree barks that defies everything. Everywhere. "-

" Okay, go on. "

 _Daniel staring at him in resignation. Daniel, who was unhappy. Daniel, who was carrying a secret. Daniel with a mask._ "Cracked rotten branches."

The wind freshened up, a gust penetrated to the ground up to them, somewhere a bird screamed and Domen was pulled along by the strange mood. Into a maelstrom of his memories that swirled up. _Talk to me, Daniel. You should be lucky that there are people who care about you._ "A manger. Empty eaten. "

In which he lost himself. Boosted his pulse. _Forestgirl._ They had almost always met in the forest. Why didn’t he notice? What had he done? How should it ever be better again? _What could be so gigantic extent that it shouldn’t come out from the forest in any case?" If need be, I'll force you to happiness, Slowcoach and one day you'll want to kiss me, so grateful you’ll be ._ "A bird's nest. On the ground. Blown by the wind. "

Daniel had upset his world. Similar to this storm today, which was supposed to pick up speed overnight. Fascinating and frightening at the same time with a devastating effect, he captivated everything. _Stake everything on one card once in a lifetime. I offer myself here as a test object. I won’t run away either. It can’t be that terrible._ "A fox’s den. Gloomy. Mysterious. "

But it didn’t work. Everywhere he saw the Norwegian staring at him with his sad eyes. Silently begging for forgiveness. Afraid of his reaction. _Domen, let me explain! I-I'm sorry, really!_ Daniel had begged. _You can’t just look so resigned and do nothing you should stop eating everything inside yourself, because if you don’t realize it, it will totally ruin you!, he'd held up angrily to Daniel. I didn’t just want to ... lash into you ..._ "Bird feathers. A lot of it on the floor. Stupid bird. "

Anger rose in him. With everything and nothing. He looked around his surroundings, which seemed so ubiquitous with Daniel's presence. Nevertheless quiet. Harmonious. Nothing to disturb. And he? He was sitting next to this madman who was the next Dalai Lama. "The End. Are we done then? "He glared at Andrej, who started from his thoughts and calmly looked at his watch. It had been almost an hour now.

He didn’t want to sit here with all those feelings he didn’t know where they came from and ponder his life. Now he was full of everything. All these impressions and feelings. What should that be? He wanted to jump! He wanted to be in the air, to be carried by the wind and to concentrate on nothing but his body.

"It's not so bad when you get involved, right?", Andrej grinned at him in all seriousness from his fucking tree trunk like a damn pixie.

Angry, he looked at Andrey. Not bad?! It was a catastrophe! Under the watchful eyes of Andrej he tore the dirt from his pants and jumped up. "And what was it of advantage to me?!"

"Clarity about what keeps you busy? The ability to deal with something, "Andrei replied calmly. It didn’t surprise him much that Domen stood before him, his shoulders trembling. He had been watching Domen in the last few days, wondering how he got access to him. He had noticed the change in the last few days, even though he had no idea what was causing it. But he didn’t have to. His job was to provide Domen with strategies to pinpoint and solve problems. This also included not being able to compensate for everything through sport and he had definitely done that today, even if Domen didn’t fit the result.

"My focus was already on the sport, Andrej. I don’t need that hocus-pocus, "Domen folded his arms. Why couldn’t it stay that way ?!

"It's not about the sport, Domen, but about you," said Andrej and finally brought the cask to overflow.

_This isn’t about me! It’s about you!  
-  
On the contrary. This is about you. Only about you, Domen._

Without another word, he turned around and his legs carried him back to the hotel reliably and automatically. He drove straight down to the basement. If he stayed longer in this restless state, he would go crazy.

Determined, Domen entered the room that was dark before him. Relieved to have met anyone, he pressed the light switch and ran purposefully on the treadmill. And then he started to run. He ran as fast as he could. Had he ever done anything else in the last few days? His life had mutated into an endless race. It was all Daniel's fault!

Angrily, he increased his pace. Why did Daniel say something? Because of him, he had had no rest in the last few days! Because of him, he scandalize everywhere! Because of him he had to hide! Because of him, the ghosts from the forest didn’t let him go! Were everywhere. Tormenting him with pictures he hadn’t asked for. Because of him, he felt like a cheap copy of himself. Because of him, he had to run!

Breathing heavily, Domen got off the treadmill and headed for the door, which would bring him to the dumbbells and weights. Caught in his tunnel, he pushed the door open and stopped in surprise as he realized he wasn’t quite as alone as he had thought.

"What are you doing here?", It rang twice through the room. Once reproachful. Once angry.

Silently they stared into each other's eyes before the eldest of the two brothers dropped his barbell on the floor. The dull sound of the impact echoed through the room.  
"Does Goran know what you're doing here?" Domen asked belligerently.

"I could ask you the same thing," Peter answered darkly and turned away.

"What? No kickoff? No lecture? Now you're disappointing me, "Domen teased. The train with end stop disaster took up speed and Domen drifted from this feeling. Totally engulfed by his aimless rage that needed a valve.

Peter looked at his brother. "What's wrong with you?"

"With me? You asking me? You're such a hypocrite, "Domen scoffed. It woke him even more that Peter stood there and wasn’t provoked. Not resisted. Where was his will to fight? _You can’t just look so resigned and do nothing!_ "Is it fun to lecture me? Playing the pattern jumper and fooling everyone? Yes?"

"Why are you so angry?" -

"Are you deaf ?!" _Stake everything on one card once in a lifetime. I offer myself here as a test object. I won’t run away either. It can’t be that terrible. - I'm sorry, I didn’t just want to ... lash into you ..._

"No, but I don’t deny that that's why," he pointed out to himself and the sports equipment, " you’re freaking out now."

"Why shouldn’t I be angry about that ?! You preach hypocritical absolute obedience, only to- What's that ?! ", he stared in disgust at his brother, who had just thrown a packet of handkerchiefs in his face.

"Daniel." 

"Now don’t distract from your inability," Domen folded his arms. _Stake everything on one card once in a lifetime. I offer myself here as a test object. I won’t run away either. It can’t be that terrible. - I'm sorry, I didn’t just want to… lash into you…_

"That says exactly the right one. You're mad at Daniel, not- "

"I'm not mad at him!" He yelled at Peter, who didn’t understand. "It pisses me off that you- Stop that!", He fended off another bullet, catching it and shooting back angrily at Peter, who was no less responsive.

"No! I won’t let you make you a scapegoat for your problems, Domen. Something is stressing you, but that's not me! I’m not responsible, that Daniel is mad at you now- and- "

"But Daniel isn’t mad at me! And that's the problem, "Domen screamed out of control, while Peter froze in surprise. "He really should be. He has every reason to. Every possible excuse. And what does he do!? Begin to apologize to me! To me! I've screw things up! I said it was okay. I lied to him. Straight in the face. "

Although he had guessed what was going on with Daniel. How else could Jay and the Christmasman, who had appeared in his mind's eye, be explained? Deep in his subconscious he had known it. How not? Forestgirl ... he had been in the forest all the time. Always. And always Daniel had been at his side. But he hadn’t been able to pull his blinkers deep enough because he knew he wouldn’t be able to handle it. And then, by chance, he'd met him in the stairwell, staring at Daniel, who had desperately begged Domen with his eyes. And he had stood there and just knew nothing. Only that he couldn’t. "I was the one with the knife after I assured him a thousand times that it's okay. I am the ass- WOULD YOU PLEASE STOP NOW THROWING WITH THOSE SHITTY THINGS?! What’s the point of that?!“

"What the point of that is? That's what I ask you! Why don’t you ask for handkerchiefs when you need them, you idiot?! "Peter snarled at his brother. Stunned, because he hadn’t noticed this morning how bad he was. Stunned, because Domen prefers to process everything to small wood instead of talking.

"Huh?" -

"If I need handkerchiefs, you're the first to know, Pero," he parrots Domen and looked accusingly at him.

"Says exactly the right person. Short question: Wasn’t the power room ban for everyone? "Domen asked innocently and Peter's face darkened.

"Well, then stick by the rules, brother," Peter remarked dryly and bent down to pick up his jogging jacket from the bench. Silently, Domen watched as Peter grabbed his things. The silence enveloped him, and his fury fizzled away. He could think clearly again. Knew what suddenly upset him. And now there was only disappointment. He was disappointed in himself. Never thought he would ever be one of those people.

"What's wrong with you, Pero?" At least he wanted to do something right.

"Goran thinks my jumps are going better again. That we’re on the right path, "he began to say resignedly. "But I know it's not like that. I’m still in the dark. Everyone wants to help. Always thinking of new things and I can’t do it. Again and again I fail. Garmisch was ... luck ... or whatever, but no improvement, Domen. I don’t know how much longer I can stand this way. "

"What do you want to do now?" -

"I don’t know. I would like to take a break. Away from the whole circus. Turn off my head, but it feels like I'm capitulating, "Peter admitted, nodding.

"What does Goran say about that?" Domen wanted to know and sat next to his brother on the weight bench.

"I didn’t tell him. I guess I just can’t bear any more disappointed looks, "Peter admitted, and Domen knew only too well how his eldest brother was doing.

"Yes, but you know best what's good. It doesn’t help to keep it up if you feel you need a break. "

"I know. I guess I just shirk because I secretly still hope that tomorrow is the day I finally make it, "sighed Peter, staring out the window.

...

"Have you ever promised anything to someone, I mean something really important and then broken it? With a knife in the back? Although you never thought you would ever belong to these people? ", Domen looked questioningly at his brother.

"Um ... I guess I’m not allowed to ask what's going on there?" -

"That's right," Domen confirmed, and a shiver ran down his spine as he thought of the kiss and Daniel's confession. Shamed, he closed his eyes as he thought of his reaction. He had behaved, as Daniel had guessed. "I have no idea. Um ... let's say Daniel killed someone. Out of self-defense, it was about his life, yes? And he carries this secret with him. You notice how something weighs him, urges him to tell it, promises to help and that there is nothing that can shake you. At some point he gives in, tells you about the murder and in your head a switch turns over. You behave exactly as he predicted ... Real nasty. "What an understatement.

"Uh ... no idea. I mean, it should be allowed to be shocked ... that's human, isn’t it? When we’re cornered, we are scared or face the unknown, we get the knives out. Primal instinct, so to speak. But the question is: how do you judge the um ... murder today? With some distance? ", Asked Peter the all-important question. Domen stared at his fingers, brooding.

Thought of his findings from the forest, which suddenly made sense somehow. "He had no choice. It ... should be okay. I totally overstated ... I mean, I should be a friend. Somehow getting along and not ... Swinging knifes around ... but shit ... I just don’t know ... "Domen tried to sort out his thoughts. He was sure that Daniel would accept his apology. Although he had hurt him so much. Although he didn’t deserve it.

But what worried him more was the fact that he didn’t know if he could handle Daniel being gay and having a crush on him .... That was what held him back. How could he bring himself to deal normally with Daniel, instead of ran away from him and drove the knife cheerfully into the back of the Norwegian. He didn’t want to disappoint him again. That just didn’t work.

So Daniel had kissed him ... It was strange to think. Felt even stranger. Sent shivers through his body. And he had no idea how to deal with it or why it was such a red rag for him. He wasn’t gay, but actually it shouldn’t be a problem, to point this fact out nice to Daniel and then to continue somehow.

So why did it feel so strange when he thought about it? What happened there?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I experimented a bit and I hope it wasn't too confusing. I just tried to transfer Domens feelings, his overtaxing, to the text and hope, my translation haven't messed it up.


	20. Daniel - Innsbruck - Day off

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I just noticed that I have upload more than a half of the story :) So I hope you are ready and excited for the rest. 
> 
> Switchfoot - Sing it out  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1cm5YH96Tt8
> 
> By the way: Did I ever tell you, that I get inspired by the song "Hello Hurricane"? So, I named the story after this song.   
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Era-UhFAeQ

He was such an idiot. Naive. A dreamer. Did he really think it would be different? Better. Acceptance? For sure. After all, world peace was only a stone's throw away.

Concentrated, he crouched down.

He had spent so much time thinking about Domen. To talk about him. They had talked to each other. They had tried to be friends. But no matter how hard he tried to maintain this friendship, it had been doomed from the start. At some point he had to let himself get carried away to such a shit. It only took days this time. Not years.

The board he was standing on started to roll. He fixed Magnus, who was waiting to lift him.

And now? He had to continue somehow. Focus on the sport. It might be harder than the last time, but he could do it. He would get over it. Hopefully. Sometimes.

He pushed away. Feel how strong arms grabbed him around the waist. Catapulted him up. He stared straight ahead.

It just wasn‘t allowed to proceed like the last time. Domen just couldn‘t be like San, even if he made the same mistakes. He wouldn‘t bear the whispering, the looks and teasing again. Not here. Not in his safe haven. Because this time he had nothing to escape. No sports center nobody knew him. Why hadn‘t he just shut up?

Magnus lowered his arms. He felt his grip loosen. He bent his legs, spread his arms. Telemark. A perfect landing. Alex behind him smacked in satisfaction. The press was excited and took their photos. The rest of the team, distributed in the gym, continued their exercises without paying attention to him. It was everything as always. Nothing special.

"Very good, Daniel. Great hip pose. Just like that tomorrow at the competition, then you'll be end up in top five again, "Alex nodded satisfight as he noted something on his clipboard. "I'm glad to see you so focused. I know the eagle would be your big dream. "

Daniel swallowed. Couldn‘t say anything. It was true, the eagle was one of his big dreams. Just now he didn‘t care much about it. He just needed something to focus on. That he didn‘t feel any longer that his life would soon be dehumanized when everyone found out. He forced a smile, ran to the hurdles.

_Nervously he sat on his chair in the school. Staring at the door again and again when it opened. He hadn‘t seen him since yesterday. San just left after school. After the kiss. Without a word. Had him leave with the chickens. When he had finally brought them to his father, he had told him with a questioning look that San wasn‘t there._

_Daniel had seen him standing by the window hidden behind the curtains. Had seen how he had watched him._

_Again the door was torn open. Daniel turned around. His heart stopped for a moment, his hands starting to sweat. San. He entered the classroom, greeted her classmates with a big grin. Didn‘t deign to look at him. It was as if he had ceased to exist. San sat down on a chair at the far end of the room._

_Astonished looks flickered between them. The whispering began._

A cold shiver ran down his back before Daniel started to ran. Square to the hurdles too. San had fled from him from the start. Just like Domen. He had wanted to clarify that. To apologize. Assure that it would never happen again. That they could still be friends because there was nothing more important to him. But San was bolt just like Domen. Over and over again. And he was so stupid at first and followed him. Did he provoke San's reaction?

He fixed a spot on the floor, dropped to his knees and levered himself into the air. Skipped the hurdles lined up in front of him with ease. One by one until he came to a stop breathing heavily.

"Very impressive. Excuse me, may we disturb you for a short interview? " a reporter from the German TV crew came over.

"For sure. That's what we're here for, "he replied politely, quite natural with a smile on his lips. Would they still want an interview, if they knew the truth, he wondered as he followed the man to his team. Waited, while they wired him. 

_Silently he held the skipping ropes out to his sports teacher. The lesson was over and he had been sentenced to clean-up._

_"Alright with you, boy? You were absent-minded the whole week ... Difficulties in the club? Is it too much? Sports and school together? ", His sports teacher asked as he took the ropes from his hands and hung them over the hook in the equipment room._

_"No, everything is fine", he lied flatly and took the net with the balls._

_"Then ... trouble with the girls? Did you argue about that, San and you? "His teacher continued to urge and Daniel had the unpleasant feeling of being fully screened._

_"We didn‘t argue, understood? Everything is alright. Fine. Can I go now? "He fidgeted impatiently, snaping at a teacher for the first time in his life. How should one argue when one has ceased to exist?_

"So, we could start," the sound engineer tapped him on the back and brought him back from his past.

Next to him he heard Alex, who was currently at the Austrian station’s disposal. "Yes, um, a funny guy. He is very positive. Is always ... always with a smile on his face, Daniel is very interested in many things. He could be happy about the simple things in life. "

Yes, because he had learned to lower his claims. What was normal for others was almost a privilege in his life, he thought and had almost laughed out loud.

"Can we start?" The cameraman leaned out from behind his camera, counting down the countdown with his fingers. Three. Two. One.

"Daniel, your success has been celebrated frenetically in your home country. More than half of the Norwegian population watched your victory in Garmisch on television, your former team-mate Johan Remen Evensen, who now works as a TV sports expert at NRK, had even forced himself into a superhero costume as you were jumping. How does that feel? ", The reporter stared questioningly at him.

"Yes, I love the attention. That's the reward for good ski jumping. Hopefully that will stay the whole winter, "Daniel laughed automatically into the camera. It cost him a lot of strength, the role of the successful high flyer.

"We came across an interesting phenomenon in our research: montages, which mainly created your female fans of you and see you as the next model of Armani or Versace. Would that really be something for you? ", His interviewee asked interested. 

"Yes, I actually did a photo shoot in the summer, that was really funny. Maybe I'll do more after my career. Let's see, "he said, swallowing the lump in his throat.

"Your female fans might be happy to hear that. What do you say that - if one can believe the newspapers - half of all spectators from Norway were young women? "The reporter wanted to know laughing and winked at him amused.

That they were wasting all their time. The funny, interested, positive Daniel didn‘t exist, that was just a role, because the real Daniel nobody wanted to see. "Of course I'm flattered and it's good for the sport when young people are interested in it," he finally replied. Amused.

"Of course. We wish you all the best for the tournament and thank you for your time, "the reporter finished the interview.

Relieved Daniel turned away and grabbed a basketball. He would just throw a few more baskets until the time was finally over. With the ball in his hand he sprinted away. 

_"San! ... Come on! Now talk to me! I am sorry! I would never had- San! Aleksander! "He ran after his best friend. They were on their way home._

_"Now listen to me!", He grabbed his best friend by the arm and forced San to look at him. Breathing heavily, they stared at each other silently._

_"Don‘t touch me!", San ripped off in disgust. Panicked, he looked down the street. But no one else was there except them._

_"San, please! I'm so sorry. I don‘t know- What else am I supposed to do that you talk to me again? I just want everything to be like- "_

_"Like in old times? Then become normal. Do therapy, because that, Danny, is sick, " San pointed contemptuously at him, before he turned and continued on his way and abandoned Daniel._

"Let's see how good you are, Daniel," Andreas appeared in front of him, trying to steal the ball.

"You would be amazed, Stjernen," Daniel replied. Always smiling and waving. He was successful and had a great life, he thought as he passed Anders, who was still busy with the association's SKI TV.

"It's ... I'm not sure which day is today ... but it's our day off. We woke up late in Garmisch, packed our bags and went to Innsbruck, "Anders told the SKI-TV team while exchanging a quick glance. Anders watched him with extreme distrust during the entire training session.

"Watch out, Danny-Boy! Now I'll show you how to do that right, "Andreas called, stealing the ball from him and dribbled skillfully past him. Then he jumped and sank quite casually a hit. He mimicked a pistol with his hands, pointed it at the camera, and acted as if he were the godfather personally.

"Michael Jordan would be really impressed if he had seen how you defeat the seven five meter walking human cabinets on your way to the basket," Halvor shouted maliciously at him as he ran towards them. He clapped matefully on the shoulder of Daniel. Last night Halvor didn‘t matter anymore. Halvor could just tick it off. Keep on going.

_"Daniel, would you please stay a moment?" His teacher asked when the doorbell rang and they packed their things. A paper ball flew across the room, hitting him on the head. Angry, he looked up._

_"Sorry, wanted to hit the bin," Jonas laughed as he picked up a high five from his entourage._

_"Well targeted, dude," he heard San say._

_"Guys! Come on! Out with you now, "Mrs. Hansen intervened. They finally left the room with a loud groan and Mrs. Hansen turned to him._

_"I've heard that you'll soon have your first international competition. Congratulations ", she looked at him appreciatively. He frowned and looked back. Had she kept him because of that?_

_"It's just the Alpine Cup," he grumbled, trying to escape her worried expression._

_"What does that mean ‚just‘? That's a great success! And I understand that this has priority at the moment, but Daniel, you have to be careful. You‘ve often been short-term lately, unfocused. I talked to your coach and it's really commendable that you use every free minute to train, but you're only young once, Daniel. If you take some time for your friends again, then you‘ll be better integrated in the class again. I'm sure Aleksander misses his buddy, "she pitifully put a hand on his shoulder, which he shook off again._

"Don‘t be so mean and make him have false hopes. Afterwards, he actually believes that there‘s a sport he has mastery of, "Daniel replied. Still with a smile on his face while the secrets ate him. He had never felt so uncomfortable while spending time with the team.

Longingly, he glanced at the clock, which was clearly visible on the front of the hall, when the front door squeaked open and Silje came stumbling in. "Sorry, I didn‘t mean to disturb, I just-"

"Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday to you ... ", they all strike up building a circle around Silje, who pressed her hands to her cheeks. Daniel got goosebumps as Halvor lays his arm around him.

"Thanks!", Silje squealed as the vocal insert was finally finished. Relieved Daniel made himself go and turned away. Off to the side, he watched as the other congratulated Silje, while Claas was interviewed next to him by SKI-TV commenting the procedure.

"Yes, Silje is my eldest daughter. Has become twenty-one today. That's a lot of presents she got during that time. That's why this time it wasn‘t enough money for more. The serenade of the team will remain their only present from me this year, "he raised his arms apologetically and Silje stared amused at her father.

"Now look at him, Daniel, the poor old man. At the end of his powers, "she laughed and Daniel joined in. His laugh didn‘t sound that bad, he noted. Only if one listened carefully, one could recognize the somewhat hollow sound.

Alex clapped loudly behind them. "I would like to say thank you again that you all accepted the invitation and hope you had a pleasant time with the team and wish us all a successful tour, of course. The team will enjoy their well-deserved break now, "Alex finished her training.

Relieved, they said goodbye and stormed loudly into the changing rooms. "Finally. I thought the time would never go by, "Robert moaned, pulling on his jacket.

"Are you sick? You were always in conversation- "

"So you were following your biggest passion," interrupted Tom Halvor. Together they stood under the showers.

"- which you usually sacrifice hours of your time-" Daniel heard Andreas say.

"So all your life and then they had to listen to you," Anders added his mustard, while Daniel rummaged outside in his pocket.

"You have no idea how exhausting that is. To come up with new, original answers to the same old boring questions. I have claims compared to some others, "Robert replied. Ringing laughter came out to Daniel.

Why couldn‘t he have such problems? He also wanted to make fun of Robert's passion to talk. Joking with the others. Not feeling like a leper again, he thought as the others came back out of the shower and Daniel finally found his shampoo.

_"Oops. Excuse me. It wasn‘t intentional, "hissed Aleksander hypocritically as he watched the chaos on the floor._

_Without responding to his provocation, Daniel got up and started gathering up his sheets, which were all over the floor. Hoping he could avoid more teasing. He was so weary of it. By now he counted the days until he finally graduated._

_"You like that, right? Crawl around on the floor. Showing me your ass? "_

Angrily, he turned on the water and let it run over his face. Wish that the water could simply flush all the crap that stuck to him down the drain. Frustrated, he turned off the tap, wrapped the towel around his hips.

When he returned to the locker room, the others were already gone. Only Anders was still there. Eyed him as he popped the shampoo into his pocket.

"You know, that would be much more satisfying if-"

"For the last time, Anders: I don‘t need a rope or tape and certainly no shovel. Just leave him alone, okay? Let live down it. The sooner we can all return to normal, "Daniel grunted as he stepped into his clothes. They have had this conversation countless times since yesterday.

"But then you would certainly feel much better!" -

"You mean, you'd feel better, Anders. That's a difference, "Daniel snorted. What he wanted, generally interested less.

"I'm convinced that after some initial scruples you might like to artfully concoct the little idiot into a package while he's begging pardon by drooling the tape on his mouth," Anders tried to convince his friend.

"I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I already have other plans," Daniel put on his shoes, hoping the discussion would end.

"What? Combustion? Waterboarding? Or maybe the more classical cement shoes? ", Anders didn‘t stop and followed him outside.

"Tell me: what don‘t you understand, when I said Leave him alone?", The Norwegian stopped and turned around with a twinkle in his eyes. He couldn‘t listen to it any longer.

"What I don‘t understand ?! For real? He simply let you down for the second time. Run away cowardly, though he knows for sure how you're doing. You're actually friends and you pretend that everything is fine, but it isn’t!, "Anders said.

"What should I tell him? That I kissed him? That because of me his worldview is upside down? That he feels so annoyed because of me? Which one of it, Anders? ", Daniel wanted to know desperately. He had ruined it. That was all his fault! And it would only get worse if he didn‘t stop now. Why didn‘t Anders understand him?

"Oh, I'm sure, before he met you, he wasn‘t even aware that sex actually existed. Honestly Daniel, how could you destroy his idea of the stork! "Anders showered him with a torrent of sarcasm that tugged at his nerves. "It’s not all at your fault, Daniel. Even if you would like to have it like that. "

"Do you really think I've picked this shit?!"

"No. Neither of us has the power to influence how he comes to this world, but it's still up to you how to leave it. And right now, unfortunately, I have to tell you, my dear, that you are heading for the next concrete wall with the greatest effort, "Anders wrinkled his nose. "Why don‘t you try talking to the little pighead again?"

"There's nothing to talk about, Anders. That should ‘ve been clear even to you after this morning, "Daniel snorted in the face of so much naivety.

"I would think of a lot." -

"You shouldn‘t confuse torture with talking, Anders."

"One thing doesn‘t necessarily exclude the other. And I really think somebody should tell him that he's an ass ", Anders remarked precociously. In addition, Daniel could quite incidentally pester Domen a little more. Maybe then the Slovenian was finally forced to deal with his feelings. "Why don‘t you just try it again?"

"Because that- I mean- That's no use! Shit, I just can‘t, okay ?! "Daniel looked at the wall in despair. Thought about his ghosts of the past, who simply didn‘t want to let him go, no matter how hard he tried. At some point, they caught up with him again. Silently, he listened to the wind rushing through the cracks in the hall. "I- It's all like then. With San. Only this time I have no alternative. No other place I can escape to. No other life. And Domen ... he reacts the same way. You saw him. That's how it has been with San. I wanted to clarify what made everything a thousand times worse. In a minimum of time, there were rumors about me all over the school. Whispering. Looks. Nobody could prove anything, but that was enough. My life has become hell within a day. I destroyed a friendship that would have lasted for eternity. And after all, I make the same mistake twice ?! I am so stupid, but this time I will be smarter and hope that I can prevent the worst. You heard Halvor yesterday. That's why I'll just keep going. Pretend that everything is as always and pray that this time I will at least be spared the rest. "

"Okay, you're scared. I understand that. Believe me. But that doesn‘t get better. At some point you have to face this shit, because otherwise it will never let you go. And I'm not even talking about an outing here. Domen is not San, Daniel, "he said, placing a hand on his friend's shoulder. Anders just knew he was right.

"You know his name," Daniel laughed sadly and freed himself from his grip.

"Pighead, like I said. And who is surprised? After all, I felt like I did the last days nothing else than to talk about him or to observe him secretly. A fact which is really disturbing, if I think about it now ... "Anders remarked before he got serious again:" Stop running, Daniel. Stop the race. At least one of you has to stop, otherwise you'll soon be in different solar systems. "

"That's not-"

"If you finish this sentence, I swear, I'll trip you up myself," Anders muttered darkly, deciding to let it go for this time. He didn‘t want to pick on Daniel all day. He was sure that his friend did that himself all the time. "And now let's go eat first. I'll starve right away. And with a full stomach, the world looks completely different. "

"Eating?", Daniel looked alarmed. Alex had told them that there would be a cold buffet for lunch in the evening for all jumpers. What if Domen was there? "Didn‘t you want to go to town with Robert and Tom?"

"Yes, but in the afternoon, not now" Anders informed him and stepped outside. The hotel wasn‘t even five minutes walk from the gym. The first clouds pushed against the sun and a strong breeze blew their noses around them, whirling up the dust from the ground.

"And now don‘t tell me that you aren‘t hungry."

"No. Sure. I was-er ... Yes, let's go, "Daniel stammered, trying to avoid the disapproving look. Sometimes he had the uncomfortable feeling that Anders could read minds.  
"Does your Mum eat with us?" Anders asked as they walked up the small mountain to the hotel.

"She has an appointment. She has time for me tonight, she told me this morning, and that even before she wanted to bawl at me the screaming vessel, because my aura had assumed an unacceptable hue, "Daniel babbled nervously to distract himself. They were getting closer and closer to the hotel and the tightness in his chest was always overpowering.

_"Didn‘t I tell you to stop pursuing me, you stupid cocksucker?" With all his strength, San pushed him aside so he landed on the hard toilet floor._

_Pain tears shot Daniel in the eye. He looked up at San shocked. He had given up trying to persuade Aleksander weeks ago. Since the whispering started._

_"What? Did I hurt you? Are you runing to your mommy now? You are so pathetic! No wonder your dad left. I would have gone too if I had such a son, "he looked contemptuously down at Daniel, before leaving him on the ground._

"... niel? Hello? "Anders wagged his hand in front of his face.

"What?" -

"Screaming vessel?", Asked the Norwegian, who hadn‘t missed Daniel's restlessness.

Shit, what had he been telling? "Yeah ... um ... my mother thought I didn‘t yell out my anger as a kid often enough ... I ... dunno ... It wasn’t easy for her anyway, so I didn‘t want to make it any harder. Eventually she showed up with such a huge ugly porcelain dog at some day. She beheaded it in front of my eyes, and told me to vomit into the dog, so to scream actually. As a ten-year-old, that can be really disturbing ... ", he said, while Anders started laughing next to him.

"I like your mum. For real. She knows, what she is talking about, "commented Anders happily, as the front door of the hotel opened in front of them.

Warm air streamed toward them, along with the vague voices of the guests. A group of tourists had just arrived who had spread their luggage in the lobby.

He purposefully followed Anders past the humans, who eyed them in awe. In their team clothes, they weren‘t difficult to recognize. Here and there, someone pointed at them with a finger, but no one seemed to really dare to speak to the two Norwegians. They turned off into the hallway that led to the dining rooms. Again, there was lively activity.

"Maciej, Piotr! Did you even leave us something left over from the buffet? "Anders shouted loudly to the two Poles who had just come out of the hall. Everyone loaded with a huge plate of bread rolls.

Daniel gazed blankly past the two, into the room in front of them. At first glance, no gray-green clothes, he noted with relief, while at the same time shouting to order: It was all as usual. Nobody knew. He just wanted to grab a bite to eat.

"Who delays!" Maciej laughed as they passed.

"Pfft! Are you kidding me? I told you this the last time, Maciej: This has nothing to do with the time, but rather with discipline and decency, "Anders replied amused.  
The two Poles, however, didn‘t allow themselves to be impressed, just raised their hands and waved goodbye to them without turning back.

"What a nerve!" Anders snorted beside him as they entered the room. His heartbeat stopped short, but no one devoted any attention to their arrival. Determined, he stopped at the buffet.

"You see, I knew you were starving," Anders grinned self-confidently, noticing the speed with which Daniel loaded his plate.

"Mhh," muttered Daniel, who was already contemplating with a table in a small paved niche with plants behind which he wanted to disappear as quickly as possible.

"Look, they even have Parma ham! I go crazy! Hold for a second! ", Anders' pressed his plate in Daniels hand and armed hisself with a knife. Nervously, Daniel fixed his eyes on the plate.

_"Are you still chasing me, fagot?"_

_Breath left his lungs as Daniel was pressed against the school lockers. Startled, he stared into sea-blue eyes, which eyed him coldly._

_"I ... San, please- It-" he stuttered desperately because he didn‘t know what to say. What else he should say. He had the feeling that this was no longer just about the kiss._

_"I. Uh. It. What? Does my presence cloud your brain so bad that you stutter like a little frightened little girl? How can you live like that? ", San shook his head contemptuously, his fists clawing on in Daniels T-shirt. He stared at San, spellbound. Couldn‘t believe what ugly things crawled out of his mouth._

"Anders, I um ... need something to drink ..." Daniel pressed out, trying to fight off his rising panic. placing Anders plate on an almost empty tomato-mozzarella plate, turned around and stared without warning into wide-open forest-green eyes, while the rest of the world suddenly stopped.

Unable to move even a millimeter, the forest green suddenly turned to ice-blue. They looked down on him. Despising him. Let him inwardly freeze. Unable to perceive anything beyond emptiness.

"Um ... butter. Could you ... Would you give me the butter, please? "

Domen's voice penetrated Daniel and brought the forest back. Uncertain they stood opposite with their eyes bored into each other. They fathomed each other. Insecure for clues as to how it should go on now.

Did that mean ...? Could that ...? Butterprincess ... Was that ...? Shit, what does that mean? Daniel swallowed, trying to get his brain back in motion, through which a hurricane had just had to sweep, as chaotic as his thoughts tumbled around. Nervously Daniel interrupted their eye contact and stared at Domens hands. Cereal.

"Okay ... I interrupt your ... whatever just reluctantly ... but people still want to pass by," Anders voice interjected from somewhere before he began to push them impatiently in front of him. Every blind man with a crutch could see what was happening here, Anders thought, and steered them firmly towards the exit. Daniel should tell him just once more, the Slovenian square skull would have no feelings for him and he would kill his friend. At any rate, he had never looked at Daniel the way the Slovenian had just done. Every Hollywood kitsch director would have burst out in deafening cheers, shouting for the next Oscar.

Absently Daniel stumbled, only when Anders took his plate from his hands did he notice where they were. "You sure want to talk undisturbed," Anders scowled at Domen, before he looked at Daniel: "Or yell."

And even before Daniel could glare at him, Anders said goodbye walking back to the buffet. Embarrassed Daniel stared at Domen, who was standing next to him and seemed to find the ground rather interesting.

"We ... um ... do we want to walk a bit?" Daniel suggested cautiously, registering with relief that Domen nodded beside him.

Without another word Daniel crossed the entrance hall again that day, his eyes fixed on the floor. What did he do here? What did Domen expect from him? What did he want? Nervously he played with his fingers. Glanced briefly at Domen, who had buried his hands in his pockets.

Together they hit the path into the forest. There couldn‘t be a more suitable place than this for this conversation. The lane with its countless stones led them further into the soothing silence that worked like balm on the soul. High above their heads, the birds chirped their song, accompanied by the wind that gently waved the bare branches to and fro. Only the crunch of their shoes interrupted this concert. Farther and farther away they diverge from the all-determining hustle and bustle of their lives and with each meter spread pleasant calm between them.

Deep Daniel sucked the clear air into his lungs, watching the branches that danced in the sun. Everything was so peaceful. Innocent. The forest lead Daniel to believe in a perfect world for which he would have done almost anything to keep. As if the forest had the power to keep everything evil at bay.

For Daniel, a small beautiful eternity passed before Domen suddenly stopped beside him and forced him to return to reality. 

Embarrassed, Domen ran his fingers through his hair, turning uncertainly to Daniel. Took a deep breath. "I- uh ... I do ... - I have ... - Shit, I can‘t do that ..." Domen stammered, turning away in frustration and Daniel's heart skipped a beat.

It would have been too good to be true. "It's okay. I understand that, if you can‘t handle it. Just… please, don‘t tell anyone. I won‘t- "

"What are you talking about?" Domen frowned.

"I- I understand if my presence makes you uncomfortable. I'm grateful that you are honest and- "

"Grateful ?!", Domen interrupted stunned the struggling Norwegian and furiously put his fists in his pockets to stop himself from charging at Daniel. "Have you lost your marbles?! Honestly, until just now, I was pretty sure that the person I was about to hit was still me, but right now you're really competing for me. You should yell at me, Daniel. I can‘t believe that- I'm so mad at myself! You wouldn’t believe that And you ... you understand?! "

"Well, at least I catch you ... unawares ... with the kiss ...", Daniel began hesitantly to justify himself and tried to ignore the brief falter of Domens hands. He still hadn‘t overcome it. "That wasn‘t necessarily ... um ... considerate of me."

"Not considerate? Of you? Tell me, could it be that you‘re somehow disturbed by perception? Or have you forgotten who had to enforce his will? I cornered you, not the other way around. I treated you like the last ass. If somebody has to apologize for something, then I suppose that's me, "Domen explained angrily and shot a stone into the forest with his feet.

"But-" -

"Daniel, your social vein in all honor, but do you really want to argue with me who is the ass? I mean, please. Don‘t force yourself, but we both know that I will win the game, "he interrupted the Norwegian rebelliously. Silently they flashed at each other.

"Okay. You‘re the ass. You can‘t handle that. Satisfied? I was right, " Daniel reluctantly relented. Nevertheless, Daniel couldn‘t prevent himself from feeling guilty. That he was the reason for Domens overreach.

"No, you didn’t. I- damn it! I am so sorry! About everything! I ... don‘t know why I freaked out ... I just can‘t handle such situations. There's a switch over. That shouldn‘t be an excuse, honestly ... I ... It was just a ... kiss, right? Well, I mean ... shit, of course, not just some ... well ... it was ... that doesn‘t mean ... what am I actually talking about here? "Domen helplessly shook his hair.

"Just say it. That's okay. Honestly, "Daniel call for Domen to speak it out loud. He knew what was coming now and although it would hurt him, Domen was right with one thing: so he knew what he was about at least and could somehow continue. 

"I am not gay. It- I feel honored, but I like girls. "The Slovenian stared anxiously at Daniel, who had closed his eyes and felt the slight trembling in his voice. No question: Domen was just overflowing with pity, something he didn‘t want. He listened to the silence. Let it briefly admit that the pain gave him a bump before he looked at Domen again.

"Don‘t look at me so tormented. I said it's okay. I just had to hear it aloud from you, "he tried a small smile to somehow make things easier for Domen.

"For sure? I mean ... uh ... ", Domen nervously put his hands in his jacket pockets to distract himself. "I ... have handkerchiefs?", He pulled a package out of his jacket pocket and turned red when he realized what he had just said again rashly.

"Now you're really exaggerating," Daniel heard himself answering and elicited a small uncertain laugh from Domen that enchanted Daniel in his very own way. He couldn‘t prevent it and it hurts to think that there was no future for them, but that didn‘t change the fact that the little Slovenian had sneaked deep into his heart with all his mistakes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we learned more about Daniels past. I hope, I haven't overshoot. The different passages were hard to write. And I don't want to offend anyone. The Interviews were taken from the Hopplandslaget Facebook page and from the ZDF. Just for the sake of comletness.


	21. Domen - Innsbruck - Day off

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Flora Cash - Down on your knees
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=294o56PLTSI

"Don‘t be such a bore! Let's do something! I don‘t want to spend the whole afternoon in the hotel " Domen whined, put the last bite of his cake into his mouth.

He sat with Anže in the small hotel bar, in which was rush. They had come back from driving safety training half an hour ago, and while the rest of the team had disappeared to make any phone calls or hit books, Anže had bring himself to having coffee with Domen after he had annoyed him the whole way back.

"But we do something," Anže grunted and slid demonstratively even deeper into the chair as he took a sip of his coffee.

"Wow. Breathing. How thrilling, "Domen muttered, drumming his hands on the tabletop. Restless, he looked around. Saw a group of girls next to them, laughing and talking. At the table on the other site sat a young couple who saw at each other in love. And so it continues. Happy people everywhere, enjoying their holiday and spending time with their friends and loved ones.

He also felt much better since noon. He was relieved. Somehow. After all, Daniel had accepted his apology. They could still talk to each other. It was nice weather and he wanted, no, he couldn‘t just sit around for the rest of the afternoon. "But today is our only day off! We have to take advantage of that! We- ", he started again, but was immediately interrupted by Anže again.

"Yes, we should lazily lieing around in a corner and do nothing," grumbled the older Slovenian with a sigh as he stared at his cell phone.

Domen sullenly pulled his mouth shut and leaned across the table. "You can do that in two hours!" He complained, glancing at Anže's cell phone, which was distracting him all the time. Meanwhile, his roommate was almost as bad as Jernej, Jurij or Peter. They were constantly on the phone as if they had just been on space exploration and hadn‘t been home for years. It wasn‘t that he didn‘t begrudge them their luck, but it was so - he felt so excluded. And the worst part was that it reminded him of Daniel. Of himself. What an ass he had been. He was just glad that Daniel had forgiven him, because he wasn‘t sure if that was also true for himself. And Daniel forgive everyone anyway. He would even forgive the big bad wolf if he ate his grandmother. But now everything was fine again. It was okay.

"I can‘t, because I already have a very hot date with Peter in the sauna. But you're welcome to join us, "his roommate informed him without looking up from his cell phone. His mouth had shifted slightly upwards.

"Ah yes. And when was the Rheumathism-Quilt-Sale? I didn‘t want to miss that, "Domen complained, leaning back in his chair with his arms crossed. He wanted distraction. Fun. No more conversations about relationships and love. But it would probably end there. Even Peter hadn‘t missed the fact how often the blonde Slovenian recently was on the phone.

Amused Anže looked up from his cell phone. "It's right after Goran's senior bingo. Today there are great prizes to win. "

"Haha," Domen grumbled into his nonexistent beard. "But it's such a nice day! We could play table tennis or- "

"We're supposed to relax, Domen," his opposite eyes rolled and turned his attention back to the cell phone. "And except into the sauna, our room or the dining room, I'm guaranteed nowhere to move any more," said the blonde Slovenian clear, while he typed concentrated his answer.

"Great! You all had your fun today. But what about me? "Domen asked darkly. He just didn‘t want to spend the afternoon alone. To dispel the unrest that still kept him under control, despite he had actually clarified everything with Daniel.

"Oh, come on! You can‘t tell me that you didn‘t have fun in the back seat! I saw the joyful glitter in your eyes. But well, my driving style is also unique ... maybe I should‘ve been aiming for Formula 1, "Anže praised himself to the skies, leaned back and seemed to weigh the pros and cons of his thought.

Domen had only a snort left for the flights of flancy of his roommate. "Yeah, I remember your scared squeak when you hit the brakes on the ice ... your nerves would love your plans."

"You're just angry because Jensen didn‘t let you get behind the wheel," Anže dismissed his argument with a wink.

Yes, the driving safety training was great. And Domen, after his conversation with Daniel, was looking forward to having something to do. But no one had ever mentioned that because he wasn‘t yet eighteen, he was only allowed to serve as a passenger. And he hadn‘t even been a co-driver. He had sat in the back seat. That was almost worse. And be allowed to listen to constantly stupid comments. The others' badly suppressed malicious joy, as Jensen stutteringly announced that his afternoon wasn‘t going to run as he had imagined, was still in his ear. "That's why you could be nice now-"

"I won‘t move out of this hotel today. Point. Can‘t you ask anyone else? ", Anže groaned and Domens heart stopped for a moment. He could‘ve asked Daniel. He wanted to ask Daniel. Nevertheless, he was sitting here with Anže. No. It was okay. He had said that it was okay. He could handle it. Domen breathed deeply and stared at Anže when he realized he was still waiting for an answer. And just as he was about to reply, the blond Slovenian's cell phone started ringing.

And as if someone had turned a counter on the older, his mouth went from an annoyed to a happy smile when he saw who was on the other end of the line. "Iva, good you call!", He accepted the conversation as he stood up under the astonished eyes of Domen.

"No, you don‘t disturb. No! Wait, I'm just looking for a quiet place ... or do you know something? I have to send you a picture of the environment here! It’s fantastic! And I know how much you love the forest and the mountains ", he babbled in a good mood, highly motivated, while he snatched his jacket and his hotel key under the stunned eyes of Domen and without turning back Anže disappeared in the direction of the hotel entrance.

Hadn‘t he just said unswervingly that he wouldn‘t leave the hotel today anymore?! Asked Domen indignantly, who remained alone and stunned at their table. He looked around gloomily. Once again he realized how crowded the bar was. Only he was sitting alone in front of his empty plate and the half-full glass of water, knewing nothing to do with himself and the world, even though he had an urgent need to do something.

He had apologized to Daniel. It was okay. The Norwegian himself had claimed. And Domen had believed him. No, he believed him, Domen corrected himself. He was lucky that Daniel wasn‘t a vindictive person. That he had accepted his apology. He himself didn‘t know if he would have reacted in the same way. Unsettled, Domen patted his fingers on the armrest of his chair and buried himself a little deeper into his seat. He would ask Daniel. After all, they were friends. Yes, he really should. And the matter was resolve.

Sighing, he closed his eyes. He saw Daniel, who had looked at him with his sad, fucking understanding-resigned eyes. In front of the hotel when they said goodbye. Everything was fine. Nevertheless, it had hurt. To pronounce it. To see Daniel like that. But it was okay, he repeated again those few words he had been clinging to for some time, because he felt he would otherwise lose his footing. He had-

Terrified, Domen jerked when someone bumped his chair. Mackenzie came around the corner and dropped without asking him. "Oh. I didn‘t see you. Is this still free? "The Canadian asked wearily as he spotted Domen, but he didn‘t look as if he would ever get up, even if Domen wanted to send him away.

Silently, the young Slovenian nodded, wondering what had happened to Mackenzie when Kevin dragged himself around the corner and also crawled into one of the chairs. Both didn‘t necessarily look fit. They seemed pretty slain, to be exact. They curled up on the armchairs and looked very much like they were going to spend the next few hours sleeping here.

Just as Domen was about to verbalize his questions, Will danced around the corner with a tray full of coffee cups. "And there we have the panacea to any form of laxity," he said, putting the cups in front of of them before he sat down, pulled off his sunglasses and pocketed them. With relish, he brought his cup to his nose. "Always a blast!", He sighed satisfied and absolutely wide awake, in contrast to the other two, who didn‘t even manage to sit up. "Oh, I'm looking forward to finally getting to know Innsbruck. Christmas market, the castle, the Hofkirche, the city tower ... will be great! "

"Sure," Mackenzie growled weakly as he pulled his sunglasses out of his pocket and put them on. The message couldn‘t be clearer: Let me sleep in peace or you’ll die.

"That's a good idea ..." Kevin commented and did the same while yawning heartily.

"Really, even sleeping pills are more alert than you!" Will complained disapprovingly.

"What happened to you?", Curiously, Domen looked back and forth between the three of them, secretly happy about the distraction. Although ... distraction wasn‘t quite right. Because he didn‘t need one. Everything was actually in best butter [German version of: Everything is hunky-dory]. _Butterprincess._ Again, he saw Daniel in front of him. With drooping shoulders. He hated it. He hated that he was responsible.

"Bine trained a bit with us today," Will said, shrugging.

Mackenzie snorted, "That wasn‘t training. That was torture! "

"Yes, for over three hours! On our day off, "Kevin revolted as well, surprisingly, not moving a millimeter in his chair.

"Why are you complaining? We have agreed that we should do something more today, and less tomorrow, so that the legs are fresher for the competition, "Will reminded his teammates of the discussion of yesterday evening.

However, neither Mackenzie nor Kevin seemed to want to know, "And that's why democracy doesn‘t work: the minority is always suppressed," snapped Mackenzie, while Kevin nodded in agreement and Will started to laugh.

"Now just look at those pussys!", Will demanded Domen, who looked at the three North Americans in front of him, who were clearly not only colleagues, but also good friends. Would it ever be like this with Daniel? The next moment, Domen shook his head over himself. How did he come to this? They had resolve that. It was ok. It would be again.  
But it didn‘t feel like that, it shot through his head. It was as if he had made a mistake. As if something escaped him. And not only because of his stupid reaction to the kiss.

"Hola, who the hell is that?" Whistling, Mackenzie rose from the dead and shoved the sunglasses on to the tip of his nose to be able to look over them in appreciation. Confused, they looked around and followed his gaze, which had stuck to the bar. There stood next to Tom and Anders, a blonde woman who animatedly talked with the two Norwegians.   
Mackenzie, William and Kevin seemed mesmerized by the sight of her as Domen wished they would stop staring. He didn‘t want to draw attention to Anders, who had stung him with his eyes in the past few days. The Norwegian didn‘t seem to be out of sorts with him and he couldn‘t even blame him. In fact, he was surprised that his head was still united with the rest of his body.

"Perfect legs," Kevin whispered almost devoutly beside him as Domen wondered what was so interesting about the blonde. But alright, he had only looked briefly.  
"Forget the legs! Look at her angelic face, "William advised his friend. His face had even taken on a very dreamy expression, Domen noted irritated.

Mackenzie had only a pejorative snort for the American left. "Honestly, where are you watching? One floor down, that deserves attention! ", The Canadian taught grinning.

And while the three began discussing which of their various body parts deserved the most attention, Domen couldn‘t help but notice that he just couldn‘t understand the boys' enthusiasm. He paused to glance at the Norwegians as unobtrusively as possible for a brief moment: she had a pretty face. A slim, toned body. All in all, though, he didn‘t see anything that would even explain the enthusiasm of the North Americans, he thought, as he quickly turned around again. It was like going to school after physical education in the locker room when his classmates had skipped over their various dates and adventures. Then he also had always just stood by incomprehensible, not to say disinterested, eavesdropped and occasionally given the one or other indefinable snorts.

"Okay, then Domen decides."

"What ?!", he startled from his thoughts and noticed that all three were looking at him curiously. Nervously, he ran his fingers through his hair. What should he say?  
"Legs, face, or breasts?" William hooked impatiently.

They would realize that he had no idea. He was uncomfortable. He was seventeen years old and wasn‘t able to talk about women! "Um ..." Shit! What was interesting about women, he wondered feverishly and in his nervousness, Daniel's image moved in front of his inner eye. _I like girls._ Yes, he knew himself that he had said that to Daniel, he thought grimly, because his thoughts once again became independent. What else should he have said? Nevertheless, he felt bad about it. But there was no reason to do so. 

"You have to look to decide," Mackenzie invited him.

Yes, he had already feared that, he thought nervously. But he probably just had to look closely, then he would recognize it. Would know the right answer. He knew he should find something attractive about her, but as hard as he tried, there was nothing that really affected him. Okay, she had a pretty face. Her light curls reminded him of Nika. A cute snub nose. A pleasant laugh. Not insincere. The rest seemed rather unspectacular. Was it that maybe? If he looked at the three North Americans, then probably not. But what was the correct answer? I like girls. He knew it was right not to lie to Daniel. But he just couldn‘t turn his bad conscience off. That lump in his stomach that ate through his body, though there was no reason to. Everything was okay. It really was.

The North Americans were still staring at him waiting for an answer. He recalled the conversation in the locker room of his school. There, the female breasts had been among the most discussed topics. 

Uncertainly he turned around. "Definitely the breasts," he finally pressed out softly. Mackenzie clapped him approvingly on the shoulder. Relieved, Domen exhaled.

"Even Domen has more notion than you," the Canadian announced triumphantly, and the others moaned annoyed as he continued, "Wonderfully evenly formed, not too big, but not too small."

"And you wonder why you don’t pick up!", Will gave Mackenzie a knock with his fist on his head, which Mackenzie acknowledged only with a mischievous grin.

"I'm just a slave to my urges," he shrugged apologetically and didn‘t look like he was particularly sorry for that fact. "But seriously, does anyone know who she is? Because obviously she belongs to us. Well. Not directly. To the Norwegians. But with that somehow to us. After all, we are all a big family. "

"If we really were, then that what was just buzzing in your head would definitely be illegal and morally questionable, Mackenzie," Kevin replied mischievously.  
"Incest, a game for the whole family," the Canadian said absently, not taking his eyes off the Norwegian.

Blondie, as Domen had secretly dubed her, was leaning forward unsuspectingly over one of the armchairs, struggling to get her phone out of her bag, which Mackenzie acknowledged with an "Or maybe the ass?"

"Honestly? Compared with you any pubescent horny teen is a veritable monk," Kevin commented on the impossible behavior of his friend, who looked at him indignantly.  
"Hey, equal rights for all please," he demanded and pointed accusingly at the Slovenian. "Domen was finally for the breasts!"

Defensively, Domen raised his arms, who didn ‘t quite know what to say. "I just wanted to get involved in the general level of this conversation." Independently of the fact that he had no idea about the whole topic. It seemed as if there was a decryption code for such conversations that everyone had, except him. It shouldn ‘t be like that, right? _I like girls._ He wouldn ‘t apologize for that too. He had just not found his personal dream woman yet. You couldn ‘t force anything, thought Domen, as Bine Norčič appeared at the entrance to the little bar and pointed at his watch.

"On to Innsbruck! Christmas market, junk shops we’re on our way! "William clapped enthusiastically in his hands and jumped up. He collected their dishes and urged the other two to hurry. "See you soon," he waved Domen goodbye and was gone seconds later with a melody on his lips.

Shaking his head and not so enthusiastic, Kevin scrambled to his feet. "No matter what Will takes: It's too much," grumbled the American and he and Mackenzie trudged behind him heavily. Mackenzie insisted on giving Blondie one last longing look.

With a sigh, Domen stared at the orphaned chairs, while the background noise unpleasantly reminding him that he was sitting alone again. Crap! He had said it was alright. So why shouldn‘t he ask Daniel if he would like to do something with him ?! Maybe he was uncomfortable after giving him a knock-back? But he said it was okay. That he could handle it. He had told him that and it took a load of his mind, because it had cost him a lot of overcoming to rebuff Daniel. He feels still strange, when he thought about it. Everything had gone crazy. He wasn’t able to think straight and told absolute nonsense, so he would’ve liked to search for a cave somewhere in the desert.

"Shit." Uneasily, he shifted in his chair. He was such an idiot. But he could handle it. Certainly. He stared out of the window on the other side. He had behaved like an ass and apologized. Daniel had accepted the apology. Probably because he was still secretly blaming himself for everything what still upset Domen. Then, to make matters worse, Domen had to rebuff. Forget it. It was okay. Daniel had said.

But he had meant it differently, Domen thought. There they were again: infinitely resigned disappointed eyes in hopeless green. That had been a farewell. In some twisted way, that had been a farewell. It's OK. I understand, if you can‘t handle it and leave. That's what Daniel meant. That's what Domen didn‘t want to admit. He was still completely out of character. Totally nervous. And Daniel had noticed that.

"I'm a bit disappointed, really."

He was too, but he didn‘t have to rub it in everybody’s face, he thought bitterly, as he turned to his brother's voice. Cene came around, a tea and books in hand, and sat down unasked. "Of course you can sit down," Domen said. He didn’t need Cene now.

"If you need advice on women, maybe you should ask me," his brother announced without apparent connection, and Domen groaned in agony. As if he didn‘t already have enough problems. "Come on. You've been hard to miss hearing from over there! "Cene continued in a reproach, pointing to a corner somewhere behind Domen. Aha. That's why he hadn‘t seen him. "You can be glad that Peter didn‘t hear you. Otherwise you would now stuck with a whole series of lectures on _Women aren‘t fair game_. "

"Didn‘t you want to learn?" Domen growled, wishing himself far away. He had stood there in the forest and responded nothing. He had accepted it. Because he didn‘t know how to handle it. Again!

"Domen. Let's be honest: you obviously can‘t sleep. You are suffering from loss of appetite, seem unfocused- "

"Sounds like the gut," Domen interrupted his brother's words, wishing he would stop.

"Irritability, plus your longing looks yesterday to the couple Freund, you may remember... These are the classic symptoms of falling in love," Cene confidently diagnosed and Domen would have preferred to wring his neck.

His brother proved again that he had no idea. "I am not falling in love, okay? And I didn‘t want any advice of- "

"Which is definitely better. Let me tell you one thing: womens hearts couldn’t be win with crude slogans. You have to seduce them slowly. You convince yourself. You should-"  
"Cene, for you again: I am not in love. Not. That's the emphasis, "he said angrily, but Cene just grinned at him like a madman.

"You don‘t have to be embarrassed! We all started from scratch, "Cene continued patronizingly and looked at the bar." You’ve got to hand it to them. They have taste, "he nodded approvingly, as Blondie looked up from her cell phone in their direction resting on Cene. Startled, his brother turned away and spilled some of his tea on his pants. "Shit!"

Amused, Domen studied his brother. "What did you want to tell me about women?" He asked him with a giggle, not without a certain satisfaction he realized that his brother's face could now easily compete with every tomato.

"That's all tactics," Cene mumbled, belching his words by slipping deeper into his chair and reaching for napkins to dab his pants dry.

"Let me guess: rather the experimental approach?" Domen asked, watching his brother amused at his doing. This was called balancing justice. Wondering only where his very own lightning strike remained.

"Yeah, just make fun of me. But I'm not the one who has is in love and can‘t admit it, "Cene snapped, annoyed.

"At least I'm not the would-be Casanova with wet pants," Domen grumbled darkly. No, he was just the fucked-up ass, who couldn‘t cope his mate was gay and had kissed him, he thought bitterly and his lips began to tingle telltalely while he got uncomfortably hot. Shit, he didn‘t want to be like that. But he just couldn‘t - and he didn‘t want to hurt Daniel any more. Maybe it was better. Although he didn‘t want it to be like they never exchanged more than a few words about the weather.

"Am I taking this statement for envy? But I can reassure you, it's all no witchcraft! "

"It just didn‘t look like that afterwards," Domen muttered, earning another glare from his brother, which didn‘t bother him much. He was trapped in his thoughts, which seemed to be moving in circles for days and days and that was something he could only handle badly.

"But all a question of practice."

"A question of practice?" -

"Well, you know: At some point it will become easier. The first dates are always terribly cramped. You don‘t know what to expect. How the other reacts but at some point you leave all these uncertainities behind, get used to it ... "

Distracted, Domen eyed his brother. A question of exercise. Could that really be the solution to his problem? Instead of continuing to work on leaving his uncertainity the upper hand, preferring to rely on the long-established system of confrontation? Realize that everything wasn‘t as bad as he talked himself into? That he excessively exaggerates? It was like after a fall: best back to be at the hill the same day, so that the fear didn‘t have time to attack. To settle in his thoughts. He should grab the strange thing that had spread between them, instead of convincing himself that he couldn‘t.

"Hello?! Tell me, do you even listen to me when I'm nice and share my findings with you? ", Cene had leaned over to him and waved angrily in front of his face with his hand.

"Yeah ... I ... sometimes you’re really useful," Domen said faintly before he even thought about what he babbled.

"Well, I really don‘t know if that's an insult or a praise," Cene frowned confusedly over his brother's statement, watching as he got up and gathered his things together. "Do you have to go?"

"I-yes. Nice to chat with you, "Domen said goodbye and hurried to the exit, where he almost knocked Peter down.

Ignoring Peter's not particularly amused reputation, he feverishly wondered where to find Daniel best. Crap. He didn‘t want to be like that. This friendship was important to him and he didn‘t just want to shitcan it just because he was overwhelmed!

Domen walked searchingly through the hotel's large lobby, winding his way among numerous guests and luggage. He urgently had to ask Daniel for his cellphone number, then he would be able to save the searching in the future, if he once again had the feeling to eat humble pie. Uncertain what he should do, he stopped and looked around. The best would probably be if he asked simply at the reception, otherwise he would never find the Norwegian and in the end he might even have second thoughts, he thought as he rest on the bench outside the hotel window. Daniel was sitting there. Alone. The face directed towards the sun, eyes closed. It seemed he was gathering strength, making peace with the situation to get over it and move on. And it wasn‘t that Domen didn‘t want that for him. Nobody deserved a little more peace than Daniel, but he didn‘t like it at all.

Nervously Domen moved slowly towards the exit. The way out of the hotel seemed like an eternity. Outside, he sucked cold air into his lungs. Quite rhythmic. In and out. Again and again. As he walked around the hotel. In and out. Until he hesitantly stopped five meters in front of the bench on which Daniel was sitting, who hadn‘t noticed him yet. What the hell should he say now? Shit, he had just been so sure.

Come on, Prevc. This was just Daniel. Pull yourself together, he tried to give himself courage while he looked at the even features of the Norwegian. Normal. Just be normal, he thought desperately, trying to ignore the fact that his heart was half leaping out of his chest, his pulse must have betrayed him long ago, and his hands just recently had developed a lawn sprinkler mode. He clearly overreacted and lost his nerve. If he didn‘t say something right now, he would never do it. He breathed briefly, recalling that it was only Daniel in front of him, and stumbled forward a few steps. He studied Daniels hands buried in his jacket pockets to protect them from the cold. He remembered exactly how they held him gently but firmly. How he had clawed at Daniels upper arms, falling from panic. A strand of hair across Daniel's face. Gently, they were stroke over his cheeks as Daniel kissed him. He remembered the desperate expression of his eyes, filled with hope and fear. He still knew exactly how his breath had felt on his cheek. His lips-

No! Stop! "Slowcoach! Alone on the way? ", He burst out in panic and was almost as scared as Daniel, who looked upset.

Forced, Domen smiled at the Norwegian, wondering if it wasn‘t going to get any worse. So far, his confrontation therapy has been tremendous. To overplay his embarrassment and have something to do, he sat down beside Daniel on the bench, unasked.

"Did you scare me!", The Norwegian finally choked out, only to silence afterwards.

That was fine, thought Domen, staring straight ahead at the street. Shit, he was the one who sat down unasked. He was the one who had problems. Not Daniel. It was his turn to come up with something to bridge that silence before it got even more embarrassing, he thought, as the North American crew bus drove past them, triggering a complete short in his brain.

"Do you want to go out with me? To Innsbruck? I mean spending the afternoon with me? "He blurted out, wishing he had the power to turn back time.

Shocked Daniel looked at him and Domen thought that he would certainly burn right away, out of sheer shame. "Did I really said this?" He asked stunned, turned his eyes back to the parking lot and his head became uncomfortably hot.

"Yup," came close to Daniel, who was torn between his feelings. Somehow he had expected an end and he had agreed to accept it. What should he have done? Still, Domen was sitting next to him and was just ... Domen.

"Okay, after I've checked this embarrassment, which is hard to beat, it can only get better, right?", He looked questioningly at Daniel, who returned his smile hesitantly, Daniel understood the message behind the words, but he didn‘t know if that was really a good idea. "So? What did you say?", Domen wanted to know nervously.

"I’m not sure if-"

"But I am. And I'm a bore. It’s deadly boring. My pulse is virtually gone, "he interrupted the Norwegian and looked at him suffering. Daniel seemed so melancholy again. Gloomy. As if he didn‘t believe that Domen was serious. He was in deadly earnest. He couldn‘t bear to see the Norwegian like that. Just focusing on Daniel. To reset his own sensitivities. He wouldn‘t be that person who just went when it became difficult. He didn’t really know why but Daniel was too important for that. "And you certainly don‘t want to be responsible for the sudden death of a seventeen-year-old, are you?" He added innocently. His stomach thumped a little as he saw Daniel's mouth lift slightly. And when he had to became completely a clown. He didn‘t care. "Pleeeeeeaaaaseeee??"

"OK. And what's up to the Slovenian grandmasters mind? "Daniel reluctantly relented. What did he have to oppose to the Slovenian if he grinned at him like that? Did Domen actually know what he was doing with him, he wondered and slid aside a bit.

"Um ... yes ..." Shit. What had Will enumerated? "Only Sightseeing. Innsbruck is supposed to be a great city ... so with the Christmas market ... and all the other ... buildings, "he stammered a little helpless, while on Daniels face actually made something like quiet amusement. "Okay, I have no idea what's in Innsbruck, but that's what sightseeing is all about, isn‘t it?" Domen finally admitted nervously and looked at Daniel expectantly. He was still fighting.

Domen swallowed. "Listen, I understand, if you don‘t want to. Really. "He actually did, but he didn‘t want it to be that way. "I wasn‘t necessarily nice. And if we're honest, then I'm still- Oh, that's crap. What I mean to say: I'm trying and I'll probably be busy the next few hours apologizing to you and stammering nonsense, because I just have a habit of pinpointing all the follies. Nevertheless, it would be a shame, if you would miss THE afternoon of the year because of my ... clod-gene and instead only sitting here bored in front of the hotel. And I mean, I could of course go alone, but then I wouldn‘t have nearly as much fun and that would be a pity, right? ", He grinned at disarming Daniel and raised his arms helplessly, because he didn‘t know what else he could do.

He saw Daniel carefully weighing each of his words. He studied him. Domen forced himself to look him in the eye and banish any uncertainty. He knew it was right to give Daniel the opportunity to somehow get out of the situation. That was only fair. He forced himself to stay calm and not show how much he was under power.

Daniel sighed as he looked at him: "Then I can‘t refuse, right? I mean, a bad-tempered Domen Prevc trotting like Godzilla through Innsbruck? What kind of man would I be if I let that happen?! "Daniel replied with a faint smile and shrugged his shoulders. What did he have to lose?

Pure relief and anticipation flooded through Domen, when he realized that Daniel would spent time with him: "Well then, slowcoach: Let's put the fear of god into Innsbruck!"


	22. Daniel - Innsbruck - Day off

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soléy - Pretty face  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gRwFRMGpTWg

_…Rudolph the red nosed reindeer – brought some corn for popping the lights are turned – Come, they told me Pa-rum pum pum pum Our newborn King to see Pa-rum pum pum pum -Of living our lives in perfect harmony A wonderful dream of joy and fun for everyone To celebrate a life where all are free…_

The wind was blowing through the narrow streets of Innsbruck, where Christmas booths had been set up wherever there was room, from which different sorts of Christmas music came. Crowds slowly pushed forward, stopping now and then to buy a mulled wine or to look at the exhibitors' merchandise with glowing eyes. They were all packed thickly so as not to give the icy wind an attack surface that carried a variety of smell s to their noses. The harsh scent of sausages from the stand opposite, paired with the sweet of a fumigating candle. The aromatic smell of mulled wine, which had mixed with the gingerbread and roasted almonds. And although the night had long since arrived in the city, every little alley seemed brightly lit and spread the feeling of cozy vitality and warmth that defied the cold and dark seasons.

Daniel squeezed past an elderly man with gray hair who was handing over a cup of steaming mulled wine to his wife, while the daughter nibbled happily at her gingerbread, hopping up and down. Together they walked to one of the empty bar tables, which had been riged up everywhere on the sides, where various groups stood together and talked loudly over the music.

He followed the green jacket, which fought purposefully through the crowd and had already conceded one or the other evil eye. As the road widened a bit, Domen looked around and slowed down so that Daniel could catch up with him again.

"I mean, the competition is just too important for the wind to decide! And despite the bad forecast, you will try to carry at least one round through, "Domen continued their conversation, where they had stopped five minutes ago.

Actually, the Slovenian hadn‘t been silent for a minute since they left. After he had exhausted himself extensively about the weather in Innsbruck, they had changed to his eventually absolute favorite topic to speak. Daniel peek at the side. He still wondered if it had been a good idea to come along.

"And if you already know that it will probably happen again, because the competition time for Innsbruck has always been badly chosen in recent decades, then you should actually think that the FIS would be able to insist on a floodlight. I mean, what can such a bit of floodlight cost?! ", Domen continued to rebel himself and stared straight ahead. For an outside observer they had to appear as always. But did they really do that?

"Probably more than a bit," Daniel raised concerns and made Domens really ravishing monologue for a short time a dialogue. It seemed unreal to him, after all the happenings of the last days, to walk along the streets next to the young Slovenian. He didn’t know how it would end. He didn’t know, what Domen expected. He hated the uncertainty. It gnawed him.

"I beg you!" Domen snorted beside him. "The tournament brings so many tourists to the city! I mean, just look around! Only a few more people and they would really have to worry that the crowd doesn’t get stuck in one of the narrow streets. I mean, Innsbruck could make an entry in the Guinness Book of Records for the biggest group cuddle in the world!"  
Wildly gesturing, Domen went on next to him. For him everything seemed to be normal. As always. Without this confession of love. Daniel obviously didn’t scare Domen. Or at least just a little. The strange behavior of the Slovenian in front of the hotel didn’t slip his attention: how he had nervously driven through his hair, played with his fingers, his legs, which had squirmed away. But since then the Slovenian had acted shockingly normal. Not that his features gave the Norwegian even a hint about his inner life. 

"And you can’t tell me there's not a little money left over there in the couch seats for a small floodlight on the hill!" Domen kept on bickering as Daniel look surreptitiously at Domen, ready at the slightest sign of discomfort to respond.

He didn’t want to mess it up. If Domen was ready to return to normal, then so could he. He just had to make enough effort, Daniel thought tense. "I want to see that couch that you're talking about," Daniel tried a lighthearted-sounding laugh, deciding to keep a few more inches between them. He didn’t want Domen to feel pressured by him.  
"Stop making fun of it! You know exactly what I mean, "Domen gave Daniel a pat on the arm, automatically reducing their distance.

Surprised, Daniel looked at the Slovenian, who had pushed past a young couple and nearly had their mulled wine cups on his conscience. "The forecasts for the day after tomorrow are anything then good and just think about the competitions of the past years! Remember Anssi's victory three years ago. Not that I don’t begrudge him, but we all know he owed that mainly to the conditions, and that it almost upset the entire tournament standings."

Fascinated, Daniel stared at Domen. Watched how he stood behind his sport with a hundred percent passion. And he didn’t have to look Domen in the eye to know which fire was burning in them. How would it be if Domen would look at him like that once in his life? A shiver ran down Daniel's back as Domen turned to him and their eyes met.  
"Um ...", swallowed Domen and Daniel turned away startled. Keeping his eyes fixed on the ground, unable to say anything, he focused on taking step by step while he waited for the Slovenian to turn away from him in disgust. 

"So ... what I wanted to say ... er, is ... Daniel ... How can you just stay calm?", The Slovenian nervously finished his thoughts, trying not to show how much Daniel's eyes had distracted him. But as Daniel didn’t fill the silence that had followed his sentence, Domen started again, hoping somehow to hide his utterly unfounded nervousness again. "I mean, I really admire you for that, but I don’t know what I would do if I was so close to winning the tournament, while knowing the weather forecast at the same time."

Daniel let out a relieved breath as Domen's words and their meaning slowly penetrated his ears and his brain. He hadn’t stretched things. Domen was still walking beside him. But had the Slovenian become faster? Or was he just imagining it? He had to pull himself together, Daniel thought, as they made their way past the imposing Hofkirche, for which Domen had no deign to look at, with top speed, while avoiding many tourists who had stopped and shooting photos.

He somehow had to return to the agenda. To behave normally. Get his feelings under control. It should be like before the kiss. That was a thousand times better than this. "Well, I mean, I can’t change that, right? And if I go crazy now… that doesn’t help, "he finally answered, not knowing exactly who he was talking to, Domen or himself, as they crossed the street together and turn into the small street called Hofgasse.

Quickly they continued their way as the unpleasant tension between them continued to build. At least Daniel disturbed, while Domen was either a good actor or for him actually really everything was as always. And the Norwegian couldn’t quite decide which of them was worse for him. Desperately, Daniel looked around and noticed that they were just about to pass the Hofburg. That gave him an idea.

"Tell Domen, didn’t you want to take a look at the city?" He finally asked the Slovenian and waited uncertainly for his reaction.

"I do," he claimed confused, pointedly looking up and down the street, without even noticing the Hofburg in his back. "Nice here."

Daniel started to laugh nervously.

"What?" Domen frowned with a thousand question marks on his face as Daniel lifted his hand and pointed at something behind him.

"You're really the worst tourist I've ever seen," Daniel commented as Domen's mouth opened in surprise as he turned. He had been so self-absorbed that in fact he hadn’t registered the castle at all. Like everything else, by the way. He might as well have worn one of those eyepatches. The only one he was overly aware of was Daniel's presence, which intermit everything in him. He really thought the trip was a good idea. An easy way to get back down to normal. To get his reactions under control and treat Daniel like any other human being. But nothing was easy here. He fought and didn’t even know against what exactly.

"This is the Hofburg, which is hard to miss. Built in the late Middle Ages by the Habsburgs, one of the great ruling gentry of the late Middle Ages and early modern times. At some point it was then burned down and rebuilt, until Maria Theresa finally administer to the castle’s need and had it completly overhauled in the then state-of-the-art Rococo style. If you wanted to be someone, then you had to go with the masses and follow the latest trends, "Daniel scraped his knowledge from last summer and wondered if that was really the right topic of conversation. Was he boring the Slovenian? "It's like the celebs who get their homes picture taken for any kind of magazines where they don’t even live."

"Or the floodlights on hills," interjected Domen smartly.

"Tell me, you only count in school if there's anything in the tasks that is with distance meters in relation to wind speeds, right?" Daniel exclaimed without thinking.

"No, just imagine, sometimes I even deign to write essays on the importance of floodlights on ski jumping hills," Domen replied dryly, and glanced briefly at Daniel, who couldn’t resist a brief grin at the answer.

"Honestly? But the idea that you’re sitting quietly in a room for ninety minutes is hard for me ... But a Domen Prevc, who engage in literary pursuits? ", Daniel let himself be carried away to jibe a little, because of his head cinema and the outraged facial expression next to him.

"Stop laughing!", Domen called for Daniel and slapped him on the shoulder hesitantly. "I don’t know what's supposed to be so funny about that!" He crossed his arms in front of his body, but couldn’t resist a grin. Relieved, he realized that they could still talk to each other without compulsively having to make an effort. "And by the way: My literary pursuits are fantastic!"

"For sure. I see it right in front of me, "Daniel struggled for a serious tone. "Interpretation of the poem Alles still by Theodor Fontane, written by Domen Prevc. Chrm, "Daniel cleared his face imperturbably as he tried to get his heartbeat under control again. Just don’t show. It should be like before. And that didn’t work if he kept upset Domen with his strange behavior. "In his poem, the author clearly plays with the motif of winter in relation to the latent danger of ski jumping, which is repeatedly brought to consciousness especially in the cold season. The jumper, who uses the wind for his jump, can quickly succumb to the wishful thinking that he has control over nature, which is merely a human desire concept and is led ad absurdum here. The cold hard ground stands both for the hard impact of the jumper on the slope, as well as for the impact in the harsh reality in a fall. This refers to the danger of underestimating the forces of nature and feeling too safe. And only those who are willing to use this knowledge for themselves and have the courage to counter the fear of loss of control, can achieve something in jumping. End quote, "Daniel chuckled.

"Well, at least I don’t push my teachers into crazy house with chickens," Domen countered loudly, drawing the attention of the surrounding tourists to them. Malicious registered Domen, how Daniel, curl under the unappreciative looks.

"Therapy! She only did a therapy! "Daniel hastily corrected, while the older man, who had stood to his right with his wife, snorted indignantly and looked at him angrily.

Regardless, Daniel hurtle towards Domen, who had watched the whole thing with amusement, and dragged the younger one mercilessly away with him. "Oh, you don’t have to be embarrassed, after all we all have been young and did stupid things," the Slovenian said to everyone in good audible tones while Daniel snorting pulled him forwards.

Domen was mess. Unpredictable. At least he had this quality in relation to his life. Constantly upset him, forcing him to act without thinking. As if he was able to think when Domen was around him. "And here we have the Golden Roof," he ignored the cocky sound of Domen, pointing to the building that appeared to the right of them. They were at the big marketplace of Innsbruck, where, as every year, the Christmas market had been set up. "Frederick IV who was called Friedrich with the empty pocket of his princes, has supposedly built the roof."

"He really had something to compensate, right? I mean, seriously ?! "-

"Probably," Daniel replied, watching the young Slovenian shaking his head while stareing at the building in front of them and once again differs from the crowd. That was one of the qualities Daniel liked: Domen wasn’t impressed by fame, power or money. His recognition had to be earned. He had already noticed that at their first meeting, which had completely unbalanced Daniel. They hadn’t even exchanged a word. Daniel wasn’t even sure if Domen had noticed his presence at that time.

"Well, after that, the epithet was at least justified ... But ... probably he plundered the couch seats of his subjects for this horrendous waste of money anyway," commented Domen disapprovingly, as a woman pushed past them and posed enthusiastically for photos in front of the Golden Roof.

"Nobody knows that, but this history also has more of the meaning of a legend. Strictly speaking, the roof gives the historians a few puzzles. Do you see the banner over the reliefs, for example? "Daniel pointed upwards and moved even closer to Domen, who was staring upwards. He enjoyed the undivided attention and interest of the Slovenian as his fluttering nerves slowly relaxed. "I mean the pictures under the balcony. These funny characters, which are drawn above the persons? ", He pointed to the inscription, which was difficult to recognize by the shadows, which caused the Christmas lights.

"What's wrong with that?" Domen asked impatiently, turning his head to the side, staring at Daniel.

Surprised by the sudden unfamiliar closeness, both remained unable to take their eyes off one another as the bustling noisy marketplace receded into the background and slowly ceased to exist for Daniel. Instead, he was seized by the roar of the wind, overwhelmed by the dark forest green that absorbed him. He sensed the warmth that emanated from Domen's body, warming him from the inside and releasing a swarm of wood ants in his body in the middle of the frosty winter. Frozen, he noticed how Domen began to nibble on his lower lip, but didn’t let his eyes go for a second. Domen held him prisoner and Daniel didn’t even want to change anything about it.

"Uhm ... excuse me?"

Startled, both flinched and spat. Reality pounced on them with a vengeance and the kiss stood between them again, arousing the same attention as a clown at a funeral. Daniel realized with horror what he had almost done in public. His pulse started beating again, but this time it wasn’t the good exciting strain. It was the kind of pulse turf normally found in cornered animals. Just before they were about to killed.

"You ... uhm ... you are Domen Prevc and you Daniel-André Tande? The ski jumpers, right? ", A small blond girl stood in front of them, embracing her cell phone as if it were a protective shield.

Completely paralyzed, Daniel stared at Domen, who was fully focused on the girl in front of him. "Yes, we are," he answered with an unnaturally high voice, while Daniel only made a faint nod. Did she notice something? Had she taken a photo of them while Daniel had beleaguered the Slovenian? Had any other of the thousand people around them noticed something? Frantically, he looked around, couldn’t focused to anything because of excitement. How could he have lost control? What had he done?

"Can I ... Can I take an autograph and a photo with you?" The girl asked shyly, staring at the floor in front of her.

Uncertain Daniel risked a glance at Domen, who avoided him immediately. Daniel guiltily shrugged his shoulders. He had messed it up. Once again. Because he just couldn’t manage to behave like a normal person. But what did he know, what was normal? He had always had to hear how strange he was. Every time he tried to be what he thought he should be, he had failed in the end. At some point he stopped questioning himself and his behavior and got the bill moments later. The proof that he was different. It would never be the way he wanted it to be.

"Of course. What's your name? ", He heard Domen ask the girl and would’ve liked to run. He knew how this would go on here. He didn’t even need his mother's pendulum. It was like being at school again. It didn’t seem to matter how fast he ran. How hard he tried. His past, the others, won in the end.

"Josi," the little girl kicked happily, exposing a series of bright white teeth hiding behind a brace as she began to tap on her mobile with trembling hands. "And thank you! That's ... thank you! I cann’t believe it! I just look every copetition with you! I even have a Norwegian flag in my room and then you suddenly stand in front of me and ... Thanks! ", She beamed at Daniel, who forced a smile.

Back to his role, which he had bring to perfection over the years.

"I enjoy doing that. And even more, if I know there's a Norwegian flag hanging in your room. I think you have an excellent taste. Don’t you think so, Domen? ", He looked at him, waiting. It was a desperate attempt and he knew it. He had wanted to go to the norm. And so the most of their meetings had ended. Someone of them had always had a sly spell on the lips. Butterprincess. Slowcoach. It seemed like it was half an eternity ago.

"Well, I think you could at least talk about the ... uhm color distribution again. Stripes in white-blue-red are just nicer, "Domen replied woodenly, with not even half as much joke as he knew, as he gave Josi a forced smile, who blissfully hovering somewhere on cloud nine.

"Okay, uhm ... the photo?", She pleadingly looked at them.

Taking a deep breath, Daniel stood on the right side of the girl, while Domen placed on their left and they joined their fate. He stared intently into the cell phone camera in front of them. Ignoring the cold that slowly took him prisoner, he began to speak up well. The girl had certainly noticed nothing. She was too excited about the fact that she had just met her idols.

"Please smile!", Josi pressed the trigger. Not a second later, she turned the phone around curiously and stared impatiently into it, while Daniel, as if stung by the tarantula, took a big step back. 

"Fine!" She sighed, before she began to rummage in her bag and pulled out a pen.

With trembling hands, Daniel placed his signature on her backpack and the back of her cell phone before handing the pen to Domen, whom he almost dropped out of nervousness.

Scattered, he turned around as Domen began to sign. Put a little distance between them and tried to regain control of themselves. Position himself in the narrow corridor between two Christmas booths, which were right next to them, shielding him from prying eyes. Daniel stared at the black, weathered wooden wall.

 _Once bitten and twice shy I keep my distance, but you still catch my eye_ , it came to his ears from the stand opposite and almost Daniel would have groaned loudly. Distracted, he ran his hand through his hair and longed for the first time in his life after the screaming jar of his mother. Why did his life have to be so shitty complicated? _Saying "I love you", I meant it now I know what a fool I've been._

He watched Domen emerge from his hiding place, making the young girl laugh, giving her all his attention. How he could just joke with her while he stood here, protected by two Christmas booths, fighting against becoming this uncertain boy eight years ago. And for a brief moment, he began to hate Domen for being responsible. Because he ran away. Because he made an insurmountable thing out of this kiss. Because he let his fear catch him again. Because Domen could carry on and he stepped on the spot.

"I’ve never seen such a happy person because of a photo and a few signatures," Domens voice sounded beside him, causing him to jump startled. "Sorry, I ... - Um ... I didn’t mean to scare you."

"It’s okay," he replied mechanically, slowly turning to Domen as his guilty conscience rolled over him. Domen was here, right? At least Domen had tried. 

"Um ... yes ... do we ... I mean ... Uh," the younger stuttered. Silently they stared at the ground. Not knowing how to continue.

Noisily, a group of teenagers ran past them, quite drunk, ordering the next round of mulled wine at the booth directly opposite. The freezing salesman who took the order set about filling several cups while shouting to his colleague that the mulled wine supplies had to be urgently refilled. Life went on.

"Let's- I mean, let's ... Um ...", Domen started again and Daniel knew what he was trying to do. He was desperately looking for a tactful way to end this whole farce. "Crap. Uhm ... sorry. For real. I-"

"No. Please. It's okay. Nothing to apologize for. Everything's great, "Daniel emphasized. He didn’t want to hear how Domen was struggling with his presence. How uncomfortable he was when he looked at him. How awful he thought Daniel was the way he was. Better just end it now and head home to the hotel. Then they could calmly ignore each other and try to forget this disaster.

"Sure, yes."

Daniel straightened with tight shoulders. Stumbling more than walking, he fought his way through the narrow corridor, with tripping hazards in the form of thick power cables everywhere. Closer and closer they came to the light that shone from the street into the corridor, the loud chatter of the happy people in front of it.

"Hey, let's go in there," Domen shouted from behind as Daniel blinked out onto the bright street and tried to get his bearings. They stood in front of the town hall tower, which towered above them. Astonished, he looked at the sign in front of him. Did Domen really want to do this any longer? For what? To visit a prison cell from the Middle Ages? Didn’t he realize that this wasn’t working? That he couldn’t be as Domen want him to be? "Don’t you think we should go back?"

"What? Why? We came here just an hour ago?! "Domen stared at him relentlessly. "And it's ... nice ... here. I mean, - Uhm ... what do we want in the hotel now? "

"Well, because- I- If you say so," Daniel indulge more forcefully than he wanted. Why should this also have a quick end here? And he didn’t want to discuss with Domen. He couldn’t. Couldn’t hear how the Slovenian would try to talk nicely about their situation, because there was nothing left. Tense, he took one step at a time. And the closer they got to the city tower, the more unbearable it became for Daniel. He was sure Domen was the same. He saw it by his attitude. His hands, which he had buried deep in his jacket pockets. His eyes, which lingered nowhere long. Did he do this out of pity? Or to calm his conscience? Because it would’ve been too obvious to end their trip right now? Daniel asked bitterly as he opened the big heavy wooden door.

They entered the large tiled entrance hall. Their footsteps echoed unnaturally loud from the high walls in the silence. Behind a small counter, sat an old woman with horn-rimmed glasses, who looked at them disapprovingly. "You’re a bit late. We'll be closing in half an hour. "

"We're back on time," Domen hurried to say in passing and followed purposefully the signs across the hall. Silently Daniel followed him. He looked apologetically at the old woman. If it had been up to him, he would have apologized politely and they would finally have started to return to the hotel.

"She also enjoys her job, right?"

"Mhh," Daniel replied monosyllabically, clenching his hands in his jacket pockets into fists as he waited for Domen to open the door in front of him, which was to lead to the prison cell and the room of the doorman.

"All right with you?" - "Yes, everything fine. As I said."

Concentrating, Daniel stared at the staircase of the spiral staircase listening to the sound of their footsteps in the almost overwhelming silence. It took half an eternity before they finally arrived at the bottom of the narrow staircase. They were standing in a small circular room. The museum's plaque announced that these were the old chambers of the watchman, which didn’t seem to interest Domen any further. He was already climbing the next staircase. Without worrying about it, Daniel climbed the next flight of stairs. Disconnected his brain. For the moment he decided that he just didn’t care. Blindly following the green jacket in front of him. Looked at the big bricks that passed him.

Ice cold air brushed his cheeks, wind blew through his hair, his eyes watered. Startled, he stared into the distance. On the rooftops of Innsbruck, which seemed dangerously small. The ground under his feet began to waver. His heart racing as cold sweat broke out. He felt the fear paralyzing him, losing control of his body. He had to leave this place. Immediately.

He staggered back to the stairs. Clinging to the saving railing. Then he made the mistake and stared down. Grid. It was a staircase out of damned metal bars. He would die up here. He would never set foot on it again. How could he not have noticed that? What the hell had he done in his earlier life to earn all this?

"Daniel? Hey! What's happening?"

Where had Domen just dragged him?!, he wondered desperately and clung to the railing, unable to move even one step further.

"Daniel? Everything okay? "Domen called from somewhere far away.

"Mmm. Yes! Everything's fine ", he assured the Slovenian and prayed that the trembling in his voice would escaped him. He would do it alone somehow. As he always had. And if he thought about it, then he was much better on his own, he thought grimly, cursing Anders and his mother. He should start to live? If his life looked like that, then he could go without.

Clattering footsteps approached. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing." -

"Did you know that most people tend to speak in a higher voice when they were lieing?" -

"Well, you have to know," Daniel growled. The last thing he wanted to hear today was clever sayings of Domen Prevc.

"What's that supposed to mean?", Domen wanted to know angryly.

"Everything is fine, Daniel. I'm coming. Yes sure. I saw that. Just do us both a favor and just admit that I was right after all. We can’t just pretend that yesterday didn’t happen. You arn’t able to do that. It's not a shame. For real. You don’t have to do that out of compassion. I can handle it, "Daniel burst out bitterly. Perhaps it was his fear of heights which spoke out of him. It was certainly a lot easier to focus on Domen than to worry about having to get off that damned staircase again.

"You know, if there's something I really don’t need, then there's someone else who tells me what I'm able to deal with and what not - with Peter and Cene, I'm really busy enough - and then look who’s talking: I can’t handle it? Yes, maybe I have no idea how to handle it. Am I unsure because I don’t want to stab you to death again? Yes!-"

"Stabbing me to death?" -

"Don’t interrupt me! Since we left, you keep me at distance. Give me the feeling that you can hardly stand it! Watch me, waiting for some reaction… I don’t know... Either I'm going to do something wrong or made things worse. How should I behave normally? At which time please? And if one of us here having a problem with the- Chrm ", hastily Domen looked around," Kiss, then it's you! I just wanted to make things as comfortable as possible for you ", the Slovenian crossed his arms and knew that what he said wasn’t one hundred percent true. To his surprise, however, Daniel started to laugh.

"What? What's so funny about that? "Domen demanded, wondering if Daniel was completely nuts now.

"Making things as comfortable as possible? Will you give me euthanasia? "Daniel asked the Slovenian in amusement. It was crazy. They had both tried the same and had failed terrific. He had to stop confusing Domen with San. Had to remember that this was different. Maybe he should listen to Anders from time to time.

"If you kindly ask me," Domen offered and Daniel feeling a ton lighter and at the same time so unbelievably guilty. What had he said to the Slovenian in his own inability because of his insecurity?

"I'm sorry," he apologized.

Domen nodded. "Yes, me too. That's just... "

"Messy," Daniel completed the sentence of the Slovenian.

"You’re downplaying it," Domen grimaced in anguish. "I mean, I feel like Jack Sparrow on the high seas trying unsuccessfully to dodge cliffs with his ship, while the octopus stretches his catches at him and Barbossa takes him under gunfire," Domen went on and on in his comparison, imitated clawing with his hands and grimly grimaced.

"If that's not a compliment," Daniel sighed.

"What else should it be? Boredom isn’t necessarily my thing anyway, "Domen shrugged.

"Besides ...", Domen hesitantly stopped. Could he dare? Oh, fuck it! He had done enough today, and what had come out? Now he would stick to it. Either they perish, or somehow managed to stay afloat. "Besides, it’s not your fault that you have succumbed to my irresistible charm," Domen replied cheekily, and Daniel had to laugh out loud.

"Yes, and your modesty is impressive, too." -

"That's the way I am," Domen answered in a dead serious tone, grinning broadly down at him. "So, but now back to the original question: Why did you feel the need to cuddle with the iron railing?"

Daniel looked uncertainly at his feet. He had forgotten that, he thought, trying to convince himself that it wasn’t as high as it looked. “Afraid of heights” He said, peering over the edge of the railing and wishing he hadn’t done it.

"That's a joke ?!", the Slovenian exclaimed in surprise and Daniel felt himself blush under his curious eyes.

"Do I look like I'm kidding?" He mumbled, wishing that he would at least keep one part of his face today. Instead, Domen kept hitting the mark, pulling more and more off his facade.

"But, how can you - How do you handle it when you’re jumping?" Domen wanted to know perplexed.

"There I have the control. I know what I have to do to get down. I can concentrate on that. On me. That's how I distract myself. During the jump, on the tower. I know what to expect. Know the process. And if I repel, then it gives me an terrific kick when the tension dissolves and I can free myself. From the fear. Every time again. No idea why, but on the hills I make it. There I'm stronger, "Daniel tried to explain, entrusting Domen a piece of himself, even though he probably didn’t notice it.

"You’re batty in the brain, you know that, right?" Domen sighed in disbelief, reaching out to Daniel. "And me too, because somehow that doesn’t sound so illogical."

Daniel stared suspiciously at the hand offered to him. "What are you doing?"

"I train wandless magic and try to strangle you with my super power. What does it look like? "Domen wanted to know and grabbed Daniel's hand, which was still wrapped tightly around the iron grid. "I'll help you down. Unless you want to take a look outside? Then I'll help you out. "

Daniel took a deep breath. If he had just learned something, then he had to be stronger than the fear. Only then it could work. "Out then."

"You realize that I was just kidding about euthanasia, right?" Domen tightened his grip on Daniel's hand as he pulled away from the railing and stepped outside, where they were greeted by the icy wind. A shiver ran through the Norwegian, who kept his eyes fixed on the horizon.

"Tell me, what you wanted to tell me about the relief?" Domen broke the silence as he tried to ignore his sweaty fingers and the feeling that Daniel's hand in his was causing in him.

"Uhm ... a hobby historian has deciphered the inscription ... _Use every moment, don’t miss a dance in life, you can take nothing along_ ," Daniel recited quietly. The tension that had stubbornly drawn his nerves for the last few hours had almost completely disappeared. Domen wasn’t San. And he shouldn’t be that Daniel anymore. His life had changed. He shouldn’t forget.

"He's definitely right," Domen agreed thoughtfully, staring at their clasped hands.

"But it isn’t true." - "What?"

"Well, the signs. The relief. They probably mean something else, "Daniel shrugged and took a step back. "Okay, that's enough for today. Enough euthanasia, otherwise I really have to vomit. "


	23. Domen - Innsbruck - Day of qualification

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Findlay - Wild & Unwise  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NZbEbzZUJgk

Domen walked through the hotel's extinct corridors. He enjoyed the morning silence and looked out of the large foyer windows. Everything was still involved in darkness. Nothing stirred. Only the trees of the forest swung gently, as if they were lulling humanity to sleep with their soft hypnotic rushing.

But in a few hours everything would come to life again. The sun would crawl over the mountains and the birds would greet the daylight enthusiastically. The first cars would be on the road again and also one or the other cold-resistant cyclists you would hear on the gravel drive. The front desk phones would start ringing, the sound of suitcases being pulled across the floor, the hectic clattering of plates would sound, accompanied by the clinking of cutlery, the buzz of coffee makers slipping through the room and the scratching of the kitchen Chairs are reinforced, accompanied by the dominating voice murmur of the hotel guests.

But now there was nothing but silence. The hustle and bustle of everyday life still far away. Only Domens footsteps echoed through the corridors. Despite the early time and the involuntary wake-up service in the form of Anžes ringing mobile phone, the young Slovenian wore a slight smile on his lips.

He thought back to his trip with Daniel, fortunately not culminating in a complete catastrophe. Somehow, they had get it right. And Domen couldn’t say how relieved he had been when he realized it wasn’t just him. Not that it made the whole thing any better, but it was at least more bearable.

Lost in thought he stared at his hand, which Daniel had badly affected yesterday. _On the hills I make it. There I’m stronger._ The words of the Norwegian haunted in his head. He didn’t know why, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that those words were meaningful. That Daniel had blow him with more than he had intended.

They really had held hands in a twisted strange way. Domen entered the dining hall, which was almost deserted. Only four of the countless tables were occupied. Disappointed, he continued his way to the buffet. He would have liked to have some company for breakfast.

At least he knew by now why everything in relation to Daniel had felt so different. His subconscious must have guessed. And now that they have clarified it, it should improve someday. Become normal. The Nervousness, the tingling should vanish. If you only went with the roller coaster often enough, the feeling of falling, the tension finally dissipated, too. Or not? And so far, his confrontation therapy hasn’t been that bad. Sure, he still wasn’t free of his nervousness. But he just didn’t want to mess it up.

And he needed a bit more time to get used to everything. Yesterday it almost drove him to insanity. If he thought of it, he would like to sink into the ground. He had babbled. Nervously babbled. About any trivialities. He didn’t babble. Never. Not at all about trivia, Domen thought grimly as he shoveled muesli into his bowl. Some of it landed half beside it.

But his brain had just been so empty. Well, that wasn’t the truth. It was full of Daniel. Full of his confession. His kiss. His presence. Like a parasite, it had spread, occupying his brain capacity he desperately needed. And because his brain hadn’t been enough, it had spread out, tingling and crawling, on the rest of his body. He needed to get that under control. Very urgent.

He sensed that the strange behavior of the Norwegian was also his fault. His reaction to the kiss was ... suboptimal. And Anders gaze had spoken volumes. The Norwegian knew it. And he wanted to make away with him. Slowly and painfully.

Seeking he looked for the milk with his full cereal bowl in his hand. Had he missed it? Frowning, he looked at the table in front of him. Nothing to see. Neither from a pot of milk nor from a service person you could ask.

"In search again?"

Startled, Domen jumped and spilled his cereal. "Shit!"

"I don’t think that's the right place to test your green thumb." -

"What are you doing here anyway?" Domen snarled, hurrying to remove Cene's chaos.

"Funny. I just wanted to ask you the same thing, "his brother replied, not even bothering to help Domen with picking the cereals up. Instead, Cene was eagerly busy with getting his already heaped plate higher and higher, while trying to keep his books in his other hand, which he had apparently brought with him to study. 

"So, in search again?", Cene asked, when Domen finally found the milk at the beverage buffet. He should urgently take care of what he wished. Maybe a little rest was what he needed right now.

Annoyingly, he poured milk into his bowl and sat down in a place from which he had a good view of the restaurant entrance. Not a second later, Cene's maths books rocked the table and his older brother slumped in the chair next to him. "And? How was it yesterday with Daniel? ", He asked and began to smear his bread with butter while he opened a book and buried his nose in it.

"Nice. Innsbruck is an interesting city, "Domen replied curtly, trying to get rid of the yearning look Daniel had given him in front of the Golden Roof. He had hypnotized him downright. Somehow fascinated him. It chased goose bumps all over his body. Restless, he shifted in his chair. He simply couldn’t get it out of his head.

"Sightseeing? You? I thought Peter was kidding me, "Cene stared skeptically up from his book. "Did Daniel blackmail you ?!"

"I don’t know what you've got. I'm always interested in culduwel ings, "muttered Domen offended, his mouth full of muesli. Even Daniel had reacted like that as he submitted the proposal. Somehow, he didn’t like it. What did everyone think of him? Okay, he may not have been compelling excited on their recent trips, but he wasn’t that uninterested. "And Innsbruck is an interesting city. I mean, just think about that Roof. Still full of unresolved ... "

"Yes?" Cene told his younger brother to continue, looking for the cause of Domens halt.

The entire Norwegian team had just entered the dining room. Among them was also the blonde woman of yesterday. Lively, she talked with the help of her hands and the others seemed to listen with interest. Even Robert stood still and gave her all his attention.

"... riddles," the young Slovenian finished absent-mindedly his sentence. The first thing Domen noticed was the particularly striking closeness between Blondie and Daniel. The way she leaned for milliseconds against him or stroked his shoulder when she laughed disturbed him.

“Busted!"Cene laughed softly as he noticed that the knuckles of Domen's hand were white, tightly wrapped around the cereal spoon.

Fuming, Domen teared his eyes away. It was none of his business what Daniel did with Blondie. His mood sank to the absolute low that morning as he stared into the grinning face of his brother. "What ?!" he snapped at Cene.

"You don’t even realize it, do you?", Cene wanted to know stunned and wondered how one could be such slow on the uptake.

"What?! Don’t talk in riddles, "Domen muttered to his cereal, wondering why Daniel did that. Why he flirted with Blondie. Sore he sent lightning to the table opposite. Why did he flirt with Blondie, who was so unspeakably intrusive, although he was gay and went for him? And why didn’t that bother anyone? Almost reproachfully he stared at Anders, who sat opposite the two and was busy with his breakfast. Unlike the rest, he seemed impatient for Blondie. He had a better understanding of human nature than Domen had thought.

"A little more effort and the table catches fire. I would watch out, "Cene joked beside Domen, mightily amused. "I never thought you would count among the jealous guys."

"Jealous ?!", Domen turned to Cene surprised. "Did your nose sniff too much printer’s ink?" The younger nodded indignantly to the opened maths book in front of him. His heart pounded and his pulse began to race treacherously. Hastily he tried to wipe his sweaty hands on his trouser legs. He wasn’t jealous! Because of what? Daniel was gay. And he liked him. So he had no reason. Cene was wrong.

Besides, if he really was jealous, that would mean that ... no. Definitely not. No way! They were friends and he just didn’t want Daniel to be distracted now. The norwegian had chances to win the tournament!

"Come on! Now don’t act so immature. Just admit it. And, well, I feel the blonde: Daniel isn’t what you would call ugly, right? "Cene remarked, glaring at the next table.  
Loud laughter came over them. Domen saw Daniel in front of his inner eye, smiling at her with one of his rare real smiles. One that also reached his eyes. Lent her that happy glow. How they got closer, because Blondie felt so incredibly attached to him. Daniel had something appealing, almost hypnotic about him. Something that made you forget the world. Cene was right. He couldn’t blame Blondie for wanting that.

 _It's you, Butterprincess._ He saw Daniel, staring at him in frustration, though he sat across from the table in a good mood putting a bunch of grapes in his mouth. Everything was tingling. He got hot. Daniel's mouth on his. First timid. Then more courageous. Until Domen could no longer stand it because he felt like he was falling into the bottomless. Losing control. And he had pushed Daniel away. Goose bumps covered his back, but he couldn’t avert his gaze. He simply couldn’t get rid of the Norwegian. At that moment Daniel looked up in his direction. Hastily he looked away. Praying that Daniel hadn’t noticed him.

"I knew it!" Cene triumphantly exclaimed, ripping Domen roughly out of his thoughts.

Almost angry, he stared at his older brother, whom he had completely forgotten for a moment. What had Cene done? He had just managed to regain control. To bury the whole shit. Not feeling like this anymore. Why did his brother have to start with that?! “Don’t you have your own life to take care of ?!" Domen plucked angrily and pushed his chair back.

"Yes, but yours is much more exciting, if I may say so," Cene replied and to Domens displeasure, he seemed to really mean that.

"Seriously? A bit miserable, isn’t it? "Domen provoked. He just felt like venting his anger on Cene. Why couldn’t he just get his feelings under controll?! Why couldn’t he see it as a compliment and just keep going?

"And now the spines come again. "Cene said completely unimpressed. "But, you know what? Okay. Let's assume you're not jealous and I just confused your gaze with flaming curiosity ... why don’t you go over and find out who the blonde is? If you are so deep in interest?"

"Because I don’t care ... I don’t care about this ... blondie!", Haunted Domen. "I mean ...", frowning Domen stared at the Norwegians. Cene was right. Actually, it shouldn’t be a problem to sit down with them. After all, no one else paid any attention to the separation of nations. That was the beauty of their sport. Still, he wasn’t comfortable with the thought. Because then it would be official.

At this moment Blondie snuggled into Daniel, while stealing a bunch of grapes from his plate. Didn’t she have own legs? In his opinion, Daniel should put Blondie in her place. Or better right the way to the underworld. And don’t forget to lock up. Just for safety. Maybe Daniel didn’t have the courage? Or was too polite? After all, that was Daniel. The same Daniel who would lent his ski during a competition when someone was in trouble. But as Blondie clung to Daniel's hand, the hand he had been holding yesterday, it finally broke the Slovenian’s collar and he fired his spoon into the empty cereal bowl.

"That doesn’t mean you're right. On the contrary. You couldn’t be more wrong ", he announced Cene, jumped up and gave in to his increasing urge. He wasn’t jealous of Blondie! Cenes laugh he certainly didn’t catch. Without detours, he ran across the dining room and stopped directly behind Daniel. "Mind if I add a bit?"

Astonished silence spread. The Norwegians looked at the Slovenian in surprise. Blondie was finally the first to recover. Very much to Domens disapproval. "Sure, have a seat," she invited him as if she was the one who had something to decide. He stared blankly at Daniel, on whose forehead had formed steep folds. No doubt the Norwegian was wondering what that meant. Finally he nodded barely visible.

"Cool beans," Domen replied curtly, pulling a chair off the table next to them and pushing firmly between Blondie and Daniel, although there would have been much more space between Tom and Robert on the opposite. "Cene is always so tired in the morning," he announced without blushing, and the entire table shifted the attention from Domen to Cene, who fortunately had his nose back in his book.

"Better only in the morning than all day," Anders commented dryly, not just catching a glare from Domen. Maybe he was wrong and Anders didn’t have such a good knowledge of human nature.

"Well, a fault confessed is half redressed” Domen replied through clenched teeth. He knew he had screwed it up, but he had already apologized to Daniel. What else did Anders want?

"How was your trip yesterday?" Anders asked curiously. "You haven’t told anything yet."

"Nice, right? I mean interesting, "Daniel stammered a little awkwardly playing nervously with his hands.

"Super interesting. Honestly and Daniel is really a great guide. Never thought you had a penchant for history, "Domen praised the Norwegian to the skies and patted him patronizingly on the shoulder.

"Didn’t you say yesterday that you have no energy for such a thing?", Blondie asked indignantly and Domen couldn’t resist a contented grin. He wanted to poke his tongue out at Blondie like a little child.

Instead, he contented himself with leaning a little closer to Daniel. That was his friend.

"Yes ... But… I mean, you were ... shopping. I really had no nerve for that yesterday. And the trip was quite spontaneous ... we just walked through the city a bit, "Daniel explained, looking for help at Anders, who had been leaning back in his chair and keeping a close eye on the two of them.

"Pfff, shopping.... Anders and Tom had their hair cut as if they hadn’t had enough opportunities during Christmas and Robert was at some point just lost, "Blondie complained, leaning over Domen's back to Daniel's plate where there were still a few grapes left. With relish, she dipped the grapes in one of those small porcelain bowls.

"I was away for a maximum of a minute. Besides, my brother’s birthday is soon, and he really likes-"

"Comics", it sounded annoyed in the chorus. Apparently they had heard these lyre before.

"You see what I mean?" Silje asked, pointing to the rest of the team. Daniel shrugged apologetically.

As if he had to apologize to Blondie for anything. She had had company, Domen glared at the blonde indignantly and had really trouble keeping his mouth shut.

"Where we see each other so seldom anyway," she pushed to all abilities behind and chewed sadly on her lips. Domen felt like kicking her shin. This woman was gnawing at his nerves. And the fact that Daniel as well took pity on her, gave his already rather thin patience thread the rest.

"Well, well: Do you ask advice from the New Year's Winner?" Thwarted a greasy voice Domens project in the last second. Thiessen stood in front of them and X-rayed everyone with his eagle eyes. A sudden silence spread. Only the sounds of the dining room heard in the background.

"Mutual appreciation can never hurt," Blondie answered for him and straightened up. "In this sense, I am pleased to finally meet a Slovenian colleague," she handed him a friendly hand.

Thiessen scowled at her. "Didn’t know that Jacobsen and Evensen will be exchanged for a young hopper like you, Ms. ...?"

"Bråthen. Silje Bråthen, "she introduced herself and returned Thiessen a firm handshake without batting an eyelid. "And they won’t. I’m here for Hopplandslaget. I have been guaranteed some exclusive interviews to publish on the website. "

Interesting. Blondie was part of the press and the daughter of the Norwegian sports director, thought Domen, admiring her courage against his will. He would have thought that she would collapse under the gaze of Thiessen. Plus, because he really was a huge sports reporter in the scene. Without him wanting to, she rose in prestige. Presumably she had just saved his ass.

"Ah, well, somehow everyone has to start. And it certainly benefits if the father works in the industry, "Thiessen snapped coldly and had nothing but a disdainful grin for the blonde Norwegian.

"Silje does a great job. Her interviews are among the most read on our website. She actually works without asking about private lifes, "Anders campaigned fiercely for Blondie and Domen heard Daniel sharply sucking in the air next to him.

"Interesting," Thiessen turned as if on command to Daniel, who returned his gaze. Only the brief flicker in the Norwegian's eyes told Domen that he wasn’t as sure as he seemed to be and Domen had to fight back his desire to reach for the Norwegian's hand to show him that he wasn’t alone. But Daniel was strong. Probably stronger than the Norwegian himself suspected. Domen knew that by now. He had seen that yesterday when he had faced his fear of heights.

"I hear you two are spending a lot of time together recently. How does this change your relationship on the hill? Don’t you lose your killer instinct? ", Thiessen immediately went on attack and fixed Domen with his eyes.

"You respect one another much more. People value people. Begins to no longer see only competitors and distant acquaintances. You help each other. And it gives you the chance to become a better person, on and beside the hills, "Domen ventured out eagerly, wondering if Thiessen really wanted to hint that his deep-down could have anything to do with his friendship with Daniel.

"Besides, friendships between jumpers are nothing unusual. Look at Michael and Stefan, "Domen got tailwind from Anders. Gratefully, he glanced over at him.

"Or Gregor and Phillip," Robert called in between.

"Mackenzie and the American team," Tom said.

"This isn’t football, but you might have already noticed that," said Halvor and everyone nodded at the table. Everyone was aware that there weren’t many forms of sports where the athletes had such a harmonious relationship with each other.

"And that's why there is the new interview series," Silje announced surprised faces. "And Domen and Daniel begin."

"What ?!" - "Uh ... yes?" - "Why haven’t you told us?"

General unrest spread at the table. Only Domen and Daniel looked at each other in surprise.

Domen wondered how he had managed to get into such a situation again. He knew very well that all interviews had to be discussed with Goran or with the PR department of their team. That would definitely cause trouble if Thiessen would tell Goran.

What disturbed him much more was Thiessen's gaze. For the first time he was afraid Daniel's secret might come to light. He knew that was ridiculous. How should he know? No one had seen the kiss. And it wasn’t unusual to spend time together. Restless, he shifted in his chair. Thiessen was a shark. With felt a hundred senses. All geared to finding as many stories as possible, which brought the corresponding headlines and reader numbers. Peter had warned him not to give him any incentives.

"Well, that's just what it is. A pilot project. Nothing can, everything could. The advantage of being inexperienced and the daughter of the sports director. Am I right, Mr Thiessen? Then you can just allow yourself one or the other misstep. Daddy could smooth it out, "she smiled innocently at the reporter.

"Can’t contradict," Thiessen said, gritting his teeth. "Good luck", Thiessen said goodbye as suddenly as he had appeared.

Domen noticed Daniel almost collapse next to him. The whole time he had sat with his back pressed down, trying to keep as unobtrusive as possible the greatest possible distance. Didn’t even look at him.

"Unpleasant contemporary," Silje squeezed tightly and stuffed another grape in her mouth. "It’s a little bit like a showdown between Harry and Voldemort," she added, sounding as unimpressed as a snowman from a fridge.

"Or between the Joker and Batman," Robert whispered. "There you can see how grateful the work with Anders and Johann is after all.”

Domen looked dumbly at Daniel, who closed his eyes briefly and breathed deeply. And before he was sure whether Daniel's hand was really shaking or not, the Norwegian put them in his pockets and smiled at Domen.

"For real. My heart felt condolences for you because of him, Prevc, "Daniel wished Domen in a calm voice. So he was wrong. Everything was good. Relieved, Domen grinned back and Daniel continued: "Unfortunately, I already had the discomfort."

"Yeah, not even Peter likes him and he's usually too polite to even say that," he told the others, who wasn’t particularly surprised by the news. Entered silence spreads at the table. Only Silje leaned back in her chair, smacking.

"I really don’t know how you can still eat. Everything would got stuck in my throat, "Halvor leaned back and pushed his plate away from him.

"That's delicious," Silje defended herself with a shrug.

"For Winnie Pooh, maybe," Anders snorted, and Domen turned curiously to the blonde.

"How cool!" - "Oh no!"

While Domen squinted enthusiastically into the honey-filled bowl of the blonde, Daniel had probably guessed what was coming. They had spent almost half an hour in front of a booth with honey products yesterday.

"That's what I'm saying! Honey is just ... ", the blonde turned to him enthusiastically and searched for the right words.

"Essential for survival. A panacea. Incredibly healthy, "Domen nodded affirmatively, and to his own surprise he grinned at the blonde, who had risen in appreciation in the last few minutes.

"Help yourself!", Silje offered friendly and Domen just couldn’t resist.

"I like this woman," he announced without thinking and stuffed his mouth full of pleasure. "I told you that honey is underestimated," he said with satisfaction to Daniel.

"You remember what the owner of the booth told you yesterday, didn’t you?", Daniel wanted to know and looked skeptically between the two back and forth.

"You mean that you should have to eat tons of honey?" -

"That the body even absorbs enough of the honey's substance to notice any healing effects?"Daniel snorted, and the rest of the table broke out in a low chuckle.

"She has no idea," Silje said dismissively.

"That's what I said yesterday," Domen smirked, nudging her silently and taking another grape, which he sunk into the honey.

"That was the beekeeper, Prevc," Daniel grumbled, realizing he had no chance. Domen hadn’t been convinced yesterday. Not that he would have done a great job. After all, the Slovenian had looked absolutely gorgeous in his childish enthusiasm. But now, he was making mooneyes at Silje.

"Forget it. You fight windmills, "Tom smirked.

Domen and the blond ate the rest of the grapes with honey unanimously. "And you are a journalist?"

"Well, that was a little ... um ... exaggerated. I write from time to time an article. I'm just here because we wanted to celebrate New Year's Eve with my dad, "she told Domen.

"And everyone here thought, one of these dorks would have win the heart of a great woman like you," Domen said nervously. He could feel his cheeks turning red, but he just had to know it now. Needed certainty and that seemed to be his chance.

He didn’t expect the reaction of the others. Excited, Tom and Robert whistled.

"Oh, Silje, it seems you have a new admirer," Halvor chuckled. Anders next to him shook his head.

"You behave once again extremely grown-up. In the kindergarten you would be perfectly camouflaged. I'm impressed, "the Norwegian said in a tone that meant just the opposite. Surprisingly, he considered Domen as he said this, with ominous glances. 

"What?! No! ", Domen defended himself with a high red head. That wasn’t quite how he had planned.

Silje turned to him, eyebrow raised, while the rest burst into laughter. "I mean, um ... not that you're not ... um ... pretty ... but ... you're ... old ... well ... um ... no! What I meant to say ... I mean ... ", Domen stammered wildly as everything in his mind went awry and his neck tingled. He was more than aware of Daniel's presence. If only he had shut up.

"Already understood. Don’t worry. I know that this is just a big village on the road. And the gossip factory works well everywhere. But I can calm you down. We all know each other way too long to ignore each other. And Daniel and Tom stayed so often at home with us, as my father's protégés, and I'm smart enough not to poach in my dad's work environment, if you know what I mean, "Silje finally relieved him, giving Anders a piercing look out.

So, they were just good friends. Nothing else. That's why the familiar way of dealing with each other. "But if you are interested in the interview ...?"

"We’ll think about it," Daniel interjected and stood up. "I think I'll pack my things. Alex wants to leave early ... so ... ", he said goodbye unexpectedly and left a helpless Domen. Irritated, he looked after Daniel and took a moment to free himself from his rigidity.

"Yes, uhm… Glad to meet you. I have to go, "he hurried after Daniel. "Hey! Slowcoach! Wait! Hey! Daniel! "Impatiently, he fought his way through all the people who barred his way because they lurk in front of him. Cursing, he stumbled over the feet of his front man and went on, grunting an apology.

Something felt wrong with Daniel. Did he say something wrong? Or had Thiessen bothered Daniel more then he thought? Shit, why did everyone have to crawl out of their beds now?! He had to talk to Daniel. He had a bad feeling. A kind of sixth sense. He had to make sure that he hadn’t ruined everything again. Had he gone too far? Should he have stayed away from the Norwegian table? Shit, they never talked about it. And he had no idea. He didn’t know the rules. Neither yesterday, when they were alone, nor-  
"DOMEN!" It screamed across the hall Peter. Crap. He stopped, cursing.

"What?!", he wanted to know impatiently, as Peter came to a halt in front of him.

"Did you forget Goran ?!" Peter asked reproachfully and pointed at his watch while Domen looked searching through the crowd.

"Goran?" - "Then you're the first one at breakfast and still can’t make it on time."

Crap. No trace of Daniel. That couldn’t be true! He just wanted to know if everything was okay. He had such a strange feeling in his stomach. It was worse than the crawling Daniel parasites.

"Hello?!", Peter waved his hand disapprovingly in front of Domens face and demanded attention.

"What ?!" Domen snapped annoyed by his brother and earned curious glances from his surroundings.

"Your timing really is the limit," Peter muttered softly, pulling his brother into a quiet corner. He had lain awake half the night worrying about his time off. He had no nerve for the sensitivities of his younger brother now.

"You think so?" said Domen dryly. "So, what about Goran now ?!" he urged Peter to hurry. Maybe he could catch Daniel later, before they went to the hill.

"Evaluation?! You should be in ... yes, ten minutes ago with him .... It will be a tight squeeze, if you ask me, "Peter told him quietly, while Domen gets scared shitless. He was sure that it would be better to look for him now. But Goran would be really angry. And he had to talk to him urgently before Thiessen got the opportunity. Otherwise that would cause huge trouble with the assosiation. Especially after his major bollocking the day before yesterday. Undecided, he looked back and forth between the elevator and the hallway that led to the hotel's conference rooms.

Fuck, Domen thought as he started to run again.


	24. Daniel - Innsbruck - Day of qualification

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hemming - Hard on myself  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tTDJjt-8t_I
> 
> New season is about to start and I finally mangaged to translate the next chapter. Hope you'll like it because I don't. As always I would be glad about feedback. Also like constructive criticism or suggestions for improvement.  
> And at this point I would like to thank you for all the kudos and clicks! (I know it's not easy to read and understand the chapters. I really wish my english would be better) Keeps motivation alive to translate further ;)

"No excuses. The weather forecasts are good. We'll see what tomorrow would be. The qualification should be possible. For each of you, "Alex looked at them sternly, so you could have heard a pin fall in the team container. "Use the test jumps to work on your timing. The hill has a steeper radius than others and tempts you to jump too late. You have to feel the hill. To get to know the hill. Like the woman you want to marry one day, because dissolutions are expensive.”

Silently, the team shook their heads. Alex had expressed himself clearly. They all knew what they had to do. "Good. Now the last item on the list: The little Raw Air show tonight. All the important representatives of the press will be there. We must drum up buisness. It's not just about the format being adopted. Jumping as such must become more popular in Norway again. We need more people who want to watch competitions live and not just in front of their TV’s. With Daniel we have already laid a good foundation, " Satisfied Alex looked at the blonde Norwegian. 

While the entire team followed Alex's example and turned his attention to Daniel, he slipped restlessly around in his chair. He tried to put aside his guilty conscience. Ski jumping has been faded from the spotlight in recent days. And now he was the one everyone was counting on. Forcing himself to smile casually, he even managed to roll his eyes when Tom waved excessiv from across the room.

"That's about to expand now. For that we need the press. And everyone will come. So take more time for interviews. No making grimaces today. This must be done seriously. Got that? Tom? ", Alex looked at his protégé, who was still busy air-kissing Daniel.

"Will be seriousness in person, boss," jumped the lively Norwegian from his place and performed a girlish curtsey.

"I was afraid of that," Alex groaned, barely suppressing his amused grin. He knew the team was reliable. Rarely had he experienced such cohesion within a team. "But first of all: focus on training and qualifying. You can discuss the choice of clothes later, "Alex clapped his hands and stepped into the middle.

The others joined Alex and with a loud "Heia Norge" the small team meeting was ended. Daniel quickly turned away. He could feel Anders's stinging eyes on his back. They had already had a lively conversation this morning after breakfast about his friendship with Domen. Annoyed, he rummaged in his backpack as someone tapped on his shoulder. "Get off, Anders! I don‘t want another sermon. I- Oh ... ", Daniel stared surprised into the eyes of his coach.

"Can I talk to you for a moment?", Alex nodded to the exit.

"Sure," Daniel replied and followed him under the curious glances of the others. Alex led him into a small quiet alley between their containers. "What's up?" 

"Everything okay with you? You know, your jumps are at a really high level. No reason to get nervous, " Alex eyed him attentively.

"I know. I'm looking forward to jumping. It's fun, "Daniel shrugged calmly. His way of telling Alex that he wouldn‘t screw it up. That he functioned as expected. Absently, Daniel stared into the distance. Kamil and Simon ran jogging past the alley.

"Okay," Alex replied after a moment's hesitation. "But if you need anything, please say so and we'll see what's possible."

"Thank you, but it isn’t necessary. I’m okay," nodded the Norwegian, while his gaze automatically slid further towards the Slovenian crew quarters directly opposite. As if they were attracted magnetically. Unfortunately, Alex wasn’t able to give him what he needed or wanted. He would have to accept this. It was that simple. He just had to go back to the agenda.

"-can brief you and help with the difficult journalists. What do you think about? … Daniel?"

"What?" 

"To Silje as your official companion? I know, you like each other. She wouldn‘t mind if you ask her, "Alex grinned meaningfully and Daniel's chest tightened.

He knew that Silje liked him. Everyone knew that. Actually, it could have been so easy. So normal. He knew he would have to justify hisself he would say no. Something he couldn’t bear at the moment, because that would mean more lies. More self-denial. More from everything he wasn’t able to bear at the moment. "Yes, uh. I'll just ask her. It will be fun."  
"Fine. I'm sure she'll be happy, "Alex slapped Daniel on the shoulders and casually looked at his watch. "Okay, I have to go. But if there is anything else ... "

"I'll contact you. Don‘t worry, "Daniel growled, watching his coach whistle around the corner. Silje. One of the friendliest and most loyal people he had ever met. Cheerful. Always a smile. Everyone liked her. Domen had beam at her. Had ask her conspicuously unobtrusively if she was in a relationship. With difficulty he pushed back the memory of Domens cheeks, which had been glowing with embarrassment when the others had raised him for his not exactly subtle attempt. Silje was perhaps a little too old for Domen, but where love just fell. That didn‘t bother him. Domen didn‘t do anything wrong. They were friends. Sighing, he opened the door to the container. He needed his jacket and then he had to go and get some fresh air.

Without bothering much, he stormed to his backpack and pulled out his jacket. While the others talked about the evening or the upcoming competition. He watched as Tom practiced his catwalk, while Halvor and Robert commented on everything. Daniel smiled weakly as he put on his jacket.

"Hey, everything okay with you?", Andreas looked questioningly at him from the side, while he laced his jump shoes. Daniel hadn‘t noticed that he had stepped next to him.

Tormented, he smiled at Andreas, who looked at him honestly worried. He had to regain control. Remember his real goals. To put the whole emotional gossip aside.

After all, he had spent the best three years of his life. With the team and the sport he loved. In which he was really successful. He should leap for joy. Lucky at cards, well, the sport and unlucky in love. That's what it was called, wasn‘t it? Actually, he really couldn‘t complain. He didn‘t complain, either. But- stop. No. It was fine the way it was. End of the discussion, the Norwegian corrected hisself. "Everything is great. For real. I just ... It's pretty busy right now, "he shrugged. "It's so ... scary nice, all this success. I mean, it can be over anytime. For no reason. And ... I don’t know, "he apologized to Andreas.

"I know what you mean, but don‘t forget: sport isn‘t everything," said Andreas, staring at Daniel thoughtfully.

"What?! Um ... how ... I mean ... - "Daniel laughed nervously. 

"Well, just in case that's the problem between you and your forestgirl. She shouldn‘t only like you because of your success. Or is it the long distance relationship? Can be quite a relationship killer. I think that's something every one of us had to realize at some point, "Andreas said softly.

"No, but ... I mean, that's not. I- "Daniel searched for words. What should he say?

"It'll be fine," Andreas nudged his elbow in the side as if on cue, before getting up and shouldering his backpack. "Then let's meet the future bride," he announced loudly and the others began to laugh.

"The wedding is likely to be very interesting," Halvor gasped laboriously. "And the cost of the wedding dress first!", He wiped tears from his eyes.

"Well, at least a hill doesn‘t make much of a claim," Robert snorted, clunging to Anders, who was sitting silently in his corner.

"Or has annoying in-laws." - "Doesn‘t clamp." - "Doesn‘t complain about socks on the floor." - "Doesn‘t contradict." - "You mean says nothing at all."

Daniel stood in the middle of the room watching the goings-on from his place.

Domen was impulsive, cocky, and a real dickhead. He himself wasn‘t. He carried his past around with him, Domen walked through the world without luggage. Well, at least almost. He was still a teenager. Growing up wasn‘t funny for anyone. Still, they probably wouldn‘t have had a chance anyway. He had tried, had failed and now he could get over it. He was almost over it. Determined, Daniel stepped out of the crew container and let the sun shine on his face.

It was a beautiful day. He was close on the tournament leader’s heels. He really shouldn‘t complain. Motivated, he opened his eyes and stared straight into Cene's face, who stood at some distance. The norwegian kindly nodded to him as the container door opened behind the middle Prevc scion.

Daniel quickly started to run. Wiggle through people. Everything was perfect, he thought as he brought distance between himself and the Slovenian container. He was fine, but right now he didn‘t want a distraction. He wanted to concentrate on the competition. Domen and Silje flare in his mind's eye, unable to do anything about it. He breathed deeply. Staring grimly, he pushed the picture aside. No problem.

"Daniel! Hey! Good to meet you. What would you-"

"No! Markus! Drop! ", Andreas Wellinger stopped his older teammate embarrassed, who was running towards Daniel. "I didn’t think about what I said..."

"What did you say?" Daniel asked happily about the distraction. And just as Markus would started to tell with fervor, Andreas jumped on his back and shut his mouth with his hand.

"No! Okay? I got it! ", Andreas shouted with reddened cheeks and held with all his strength on Markus back, who tried to shake him off and began to tickle him.

Fascinated, Daniel watched in silence. Markus and Andreas got along swimmingly. While Markus tried everything to get his personal spider monkey back from his back, Andreas had almost every move anticipated. Daniel remembered the scene in the woods few days ago, where he had overheard the two involuntarily while jogging. They had psych each other up. Bolster each other. That's exactly how it could be. He wanted it to be that way. Want nothing more.

"Ow!", Andreas shouted shortly and pulled his hand from Markus mouth. "Damn it! I thought you no longer have to wear a muzzle because you're finally in control! "

"You shouldn’t think so much, Welle! Maybe that would help you. And Caro probably too ", Markus laughingly chaff the young German and shook Andreas off of himself, who slowly slid down the back of Markus.

Laughing, he flopped to the floor. "Nice idea, you monster!" He shouted and started to wave excessivly. When they turned around, they saw a cameraman who had filmed everything and shortly thereafter withdrew. Nobody found this behaviour unusual.

"Now maybe your fans will recognize who you really are and in future they would rather support me," Andreas patted Markus shoulder again while the tall German helped him up.

"A classic case of delusions ... When did you say you had your last tetanus vaccination?", Markus eyed the blond and held a hand to Andreas forehead with concern.

"Get away!", Andrew slapped his hand away and both fooled a little, while Daniel stood by and watched them.

"Okay, now I'm curious," Daniel finally admitted.

Shortly the two Germans exchanged a look. Andreas shrugged. Then Markus began to tell: "You remember Andi's New Year catastrophe with Caro?", He wanted to know.

"Don‘t always call it catastrophe! That gives a completely wrong impression! ", Grumbled Andreas, while his cheeks immediately discolored again. 

"Sorry, you're right. So, do you still remember Andi's New Year's apocalypse? "Markus started seriously and managed to ignore Andreas making a face.

"Sure. Hard to forget, "Daniel replied, giving an apologetic look to Andreas.

"Poor Caro, is now in bed. Flu and stomach spoiled. To make matters worse, she also seems to be contagious, at least if you can believe our team doctor. So-"

"Contact ban?" Daniel advised and Andreas nodded sadly.

"Let's call it recommendation. But basically: yes. Okay, and what has our dear Andi thought of as redemption? ", Smiling expectantly, Markus looked at him.

"Um ... a little cute stuffed animal?" Daniel suggested and Markus shook his head. His grin grew wider and wider. "A secret-romantic meeting despite the uh ... recommendation?"

"Dööööd", Markus mimicked one of those buzzers, which one knew from quiz shows and always sounded when the candidate was wrong.

"No idea ... A care pack with favorite movie, a hot water bottle, a delicious tea and extra-soft handkerchiefs?", Daniel continued, slowly running out of ideas.

"All great approaches. But they don‘t equal with Andi's idea, which I would almost describe as romantic excess. Our little Casanova has come up with something very special ", Markus giggled and could hardly stand on his feet.

"Haha," Andireas said spiky, whose face now formed a pretty interesting color contrast to his purple Milka cap.

"What's the best way to put it into words?" Markus mused, grabbing his chest in a dramatic gesture. "A color explosion of his emotions, which comes slapped up in heartbreaking cave painting, in a white prison held together only by love itself" Daniel had to smile at this performance, but still had no idea.

Andreas snorted next to him. "I was planning to buy her a recovery card, okay? Such a sweet with a teddybear on it. "

"Ouch!" Was all Daniel could think of.

"I told you!", Markus nodded vigorously, before turning back to his buddy. "Honestly, no idea what went wrong with you, but it must have something to do with a gene mutation. Otherwise I can‘t explain this extent. "

"How that can be considered as a good idea ...", Daniel shook his head.

"Yeah, sure. Romance cripple. Already understand. But Caro knew what she was getting into, "Andreas justified himself and crossed his arms.

"Nevertheless, you don‘t have to exhaust it. But that’s what friends are for ", Markus put his arm conciliatory around Andreas, who sniffed theatrically.

"Handkerchief?", Markus asked almost immediately and both fell into laughter.

Daniel stared at them almost enviously. He really wished they could do that with the friendship. But why shouldn‘t they? The beginning was made. He was over it. He would be soon. Silje and Domen. No problem. In a minimum of time they would be able to talk about relationships like that. He would be able to tell Domen that he should going to wear the gray sweater on a date because it only enhanced his beautiful eye color. Now he was prepared.

Prepared. This morning blindsided him. Sure.

"Shit! We have to go! "-" See you!" The two Germans said goodbye hastily and tore Daniel from his thoughts. Confused, he watched as the two rushed to Roar, who impatiently stood with his foot bobbing in front of the door of the German team container.

It would work..He did not want anything more. He was over it. Finally he hadn‘t been immortal in love with the little Slovenian. It was more a kind of infatuation. It had only felt so violent because it had reminded him of San. Domen reminded him of San. No. That wasn‘t correct. His situation reminded him of his time with San. But by now he knew better.   
Domen and him were friends. Like Andreas and Markus. 

Determined, he looked ahead. Directly on neon green jackets in 200 meters as the crow flies. Domen and Cene, who were talking animatedly. Domen, who gestured wildly. Cene, who was standing by, listening attentively. Answering something the younger one didn‘t agree with so he was flipping Cene a bird. Daniel wanted to go over, join the conversation. Just as Domen had done this morning. Friends. But he couldn’t. 

The sun shone warmly on the Norwegian's face as he started walking. Nevertheless, he pulled his zipper a little higher and wrapped his scarf closer to him.

"Arghh!"

Startled, the Norwegian screamed, stopped, and began to perform a strange dance, trying to fish something out of his collar that had previously hit him on the back of his head.   
"Crap! What-?"

"Wait, I'll help you. Stop! Don‘t fidget! ", His mother laughingly appeared next to him and pulled a green plastic propeller out from his collar.

Daniel let out a relieved breath. Then he looked skeptically at his mother, who was holding the other part of the children's toy in her hand with whom she had apparently launch him. "Mum!" He exclaimed reproachfully.

"How many times have I told you that training alone isn‘t good for you? No wonder that everything here is threatening black-yellow, "she blamed her son, gently stroking his arm.

"Mum!" Daniel hissed again and looked around for a moment. Hopeing nobody had heard her. If she talked about aura colors indoors, he could live with it. But not here, where the Finns and the Swiss, and literally everyone were just a few meters away. Black yellow. Pfft. He had no bad thoughts! These were excellent thoughts. And he wasn‘t even gloomy. He had left that behind ... ten minutes ago.

"He likes you," she continued unimpressed.

Sighing, the Norwegian stared into the sky. Of course, his mother suspected what or rather who bothered him. "I know and it's great that we get on so well." It was. Good friendships were important. And Domen could use a good friend here. One who didn‘t constantly patronize him. Someone near him he liked to talk to about things. One who absolutely wanted to know everything about him.

"Daniel ...", sighed his mother and looked at him with that compassionate look that he wanted to ignore, because there was no reason to do so. "Don‘t give up. You just must be patient with him. He is a good boy. Just a bit shy and reserved, "Mrs. Tande pulled her son unasked into a hug.

In the light of her assessment, Daniel had to laugh. Domen was rebellious, annoying, far too impulsive, unreasonable, and utter stubborn, yet he was one of the most loyal, honest, and wonderful persons he had ever met. But shy and reserved? "Are we talking about the same person? "Daniel joked, getting serious again at the small tap on the back of his head.

"I know and I don‘t know if you've just listened to me, but we're friends. Well, let's say we're going through it, but that's not ‘giving up’, "he replied stubbornly. She shouldn‘t start doing that too. Slowly he wondered if his mother and Anders were meeting secretly behind his back. Domen even held hands with him. If that wasn‘t friendship, then he didn‘t know either. The fact that he had been thinking all the time about how right it had felt, Domens hand in his and how he would like to have pulled him to kiss him, this part he ignored. Domen didn‘t need to know that either. He would do it. The friendship was much more than he had ever hoped for. That was enough for him.

"If you say so ..." she sighed, looking like she had a lot more to say. But she only shook her head. "Take a step aside, sweetheart," she told her son, and when he didn‘t do what she said, she pushed him a little to the left. "We need to get a bit of pink into the gray, if you know what I mean," she said, lifting the toy propeller's fast-launcher handle, targeting something behind his back.

"Mom! No! ", He tried to knock the toy out of her hand when he realized that it was Domen she was targeting, but when he pulled the toy out of her hand, it was already too late and the little propeller headed straight for the Slovenian, who was standing at a distance from them, still talking to Cene.

"Slowly I have got the neck of it," his mother murmured contentedly, as Domen flinched and looked confused at the propeller on the ground. "Believe me, Domen could need a bit of pink in the dark swirling gray," she grinned at him conspiratorially, before she turned and ran away. Stunned, he stared after her. Gray ... stood for blockages, confusion, even fear. Pink for sentimentality, goal-orientation and ... Infatuation, warmth, affection, he struggled to collect bits of knowledge from the shoals of his brain. Why did everyone in his environment live in a wishful dream?

"Tell me: First you run away from me and now you shoot me ... Would you tell me something, Slowcoach?" Domen run towards him with raised eyebrows, helding the small propeller in the air.

"No?" Daniel replied with a questionmark in his voice, because he wanted to tell him so much that would destroy their friendship. 

"Then why your questionable attempts as a sniper?", Domen didn‘t let up and looked at Daniel. The Slovenian had been watching for Daniel the whole time, wondering in confusion why the blonde had suddenly disappeared this morning.

"I've always wanted to work more with people," Daniel replied cheekily, pushing the image of Silje and Domen back again. 

"And everyone always thinks I'm the one with aggression issues," Domen smiled at Daniel's answer. "Who else is on your list next to me?"

"If I tell you that, I would have to kill you, unfortunately," Daniel replied seriously and Domen began to laugh. "Hey! I am serious! Don’t know what is funny with that, Prevc, "Daniel stood helplessly in front of Domen as he curled up with laughter. 

"Sorry, Daniel ... but this spying talk ... is really not your thing ... you ... are more like that ... uh ... flower picking pacifist ..." Domen chuckled happily to himself.

"Flower picking pacifist? Are you kidding me? "Daniel asked honestly indignant. After a brief hesitation, he punched the Slovenian in the side. 

"I don‘t know if you want an answer to that ..." Domen tried to pull himself together again and failed terrific, because he was busy wiping tears of laughter from his face. 

Daniel, who stood with his arms crossed in front of the Slovenian, looked around helplessly. Cene was watching them. Nodding questionly to Domen as he realized Daniels gaze.   
But Daniel also had no idea what was wrong with Domen so he shrugged. 

"Are you done now?" Daniel asked with patience and saw to his right a barrel of rainwater, which brought him an idea. He scooped some of the ice water out with his hand. „You’re asking for a small cooling?“ Daniel said grinnig while he pulling against the collar of Domens jacket and pouring the ice water down his back.

"Ah! No! You’ll suffer for this! ", Domen screamed indignantly as he hopped wildly from one leg to the other, hoping to get rid of the goose bumps on his back. "That's really mean!"

"Thank you! Exactly what I told you. Flower-picking pacifist! "Daniel snorted again indignantly as he was busy getting the water from his hands and putting on the gloves he had put in his jacket pockets.

"I bow to your gloomy world conquest plans, Slowcoach!" Daniel heard the Slovenian mocking behind his back.

"Hey, a little more respect for a great tyrant. Jack the Rippfft! Päh! No! Butt-Prevc! "Daniel cursed, wiping the iced water from which he had received an astonishing amount from his face and staggering backward. Then several things happened simultaneously.

"Watch out!" Domen gasped, grabbing Daniel by the collar and pulled him back. Surprised he stared into the gaping eyes of the young Slovenian, as they collided against each other. Domen's hand, still clutching his collar, pulled him firmly against the Slovenian's body. Don‘t even leave a millimeter of space between them. A smell of coniferous forest and fresh snow rose to Daniel's nose. Dizzying his mind, he drew him into Domen's spell, which seemed to exclude the rest of the world automatically and slowed time. Seduced him to lost himself in his wishful thinking. Domen and him. Together. Hand in hand, running down the stairs. Domen's hand in his face leaving a trail of fire. The kiss that set him on fire. His eyes, which whirled his heart around, no matter how much he braced himself in advance. Domen was the natural disaster, Daniel the man who mercilessly delivered him. Banned, he stared at the young Slovenian, whose mouth moved without a sound through the storm in Daniel's innermost part. It doesn’t matter how hard he tried to forbid this feelings. Only Domens hand on his chest was enough. Let him believe that maybe it was possible. He was so close. Domen had no idea what he was doing with him. 

A loud impatient honking cut across Daniel's cocoon. Absent-mindedly, he watched Goran Janus screeching past in his car, glaring cross them.

"Daniel? Are you alright? "Domen worriedly raised his hand, which landed on his shoulder.

"Yes," the Norwegian cleared his throat, staring intently into the distance, trying to somehow cushion his relentless descent into reality. Endeavored to keep everything under control, which went far beyond friendly feelings. 

"Sure?" Reluctantly, Domen released the Norwegian, noticing Daniel's half-hearted smile. "Maybe ... let's sit in the sun for a moment to dry," he pulled Daniel by the arm on a bench that stood next to the rain barrel, right in front of the little wooden hut for summer practice sessions.

Daniel leaned his head against the wooden hut, let the sun shine in his face and closed his eyes. From far away he heard the voices that came over to them. The stadium announcer announced another jumper. Domen sat down next to him and almost immediately wriggled his legs. For a while none of them said anything, then Domen broke the silence. "Why did you run away?"

Daniel opened his eyes in surprise. 

"I mean at breakfast. Are you mad at me? Did I do something wrong? Shouldn’t I have sat down at your table? ", Domen asked further, when Daniel didn’t answer immediately.  
"No," he answered sighing. How could he explain that it was up to him? That it tore him when he saw Domen smile at Silje? That he was desperately looking for a way to handle it? "It ... I ... um ... I'm just nervous. That's all."

"Because of the competition?", The Slovenian turned to him in astonishment.

"Yes. The press and all the expectations ... Millions of people counting on me. What if I mess it up?" Daniel asked frustrated. One more lie didn’t make a difference. 

"That's such a nonsense! You manage to defeat your fear of heights every time, so you shouldn’t worry about such a shit. And if everything else fails, then there’s still me ... ", Domen roared, slipping a little closer to him, puttting an arm around his shoulder, killing Daniel a little bit more. 

"... I'll give you the necessary ass kick, if needed," the Slovenian finished his sentence with a smirk to melt away.

Weakly Daniel grinned at him. "Prevc, your sympathy is really touching," Daniel tried to joke and felt far too lost and guilty when Domen withdrew his arm.

"Can I ... can I ask you something?" Domen asked after a while of silence and sat up nervously.

"Sure," Daniel answered simply, noticing how Domen wrestled with himself. No matter what he wanted to know, it had nothing to do with small talk.

"I ... what is ... so ... chrm ... I mean ... how did you realize that you ... Um ..." Domen stuttered embarrassed and Daniel was wondering what he wanted to ask tat makes the Slovenian that nervous. "You are really close friends. Silje and you?", It finally came out of his mouth, while Domen was looking at his shoes. 

"Very good ... why?", ansewerd Daniel not knowing a question could hurt that much. 

Nodding, Domen acknowledged Daniel's answer. "I was thinking about the interview. Maybe I can convince Goran somehow. I think she should show Thiessen what she can do. I read your interview with her. She has real talent, "admitted Domen and Daniel realized that the Slovenien had blush. 

"I'm sure she'll be glad if she hears that from you," Daniel said, standing up. His guess was true. He couldn’t possibly sit here idly any longer. It took a lot of effort to not just run away. Demonstratively he looked at his watch. "I think we should go."

"What? Yes. For sure. Shit! I didn’t even notice how the time passed ", Domen also rose from the bench. "I have to go to the wax cabin," he slapped his hand against his forehead. "Crap! See you later, Slowcoach! "Domen shouted over his shoulder and hurried off.

Mechanically, Daniel also started to move. Just passing all the people. Ignoring the calls of Jarkko and Karl. Didn’t have the strength to reciprocate Simon's friendly greeting.   
Avoided the glances of Cene. He escaped into the container that lay abandoned in front of him. He had never been so happy for a moment for himself. The trial was in full swing. He should get ready slowly, too. But he couldn’t. Because he was the one who break everything. He wasn’t even able to keep going this friendship. Because of his stupid feelings.   
Angry, he threw his sneakers into a corner. Sat down on the bench and grabbed his still wet hair. "Arrrgh!" He shouted into the silence of the room as the door opened and Anders entered, staring at him again.

"You realize what a stupid idea this is, right?", Scowling, Anders came up to him. 

"Just because you think it's a stupid idea, it doesn’t have to be that way," Daniel crossed his arms. He desperately wanted it to work someday. What was the name of it? All beginning was difficult. It just had to be that way. 

"Do you have any idea what you are doing? You’re playing, Daniel. You know exactly what she feels for you, "Anders growled dangerously calm.

"Wait. We're not talking about Domen, are we? "Daniel asked, confused.

"That's exactly what I mean. While your whole world revolves around the dickskull, you don’t even notice who else you're bringing into this story. I'm talking about Silje! Alex has just announced to everyone that she accompanies you to this stupid event tonight! Now she beams like a damned nuclear power plant! "Anders grumbled and threw his gloves into the corner. "You know what she feels for you!"

"And? I never made her believe she had a chance. What else should I do? Scare her away? Treat here like an ass? "Daniel justified himself.

"Not a bad idea. That such friendships are shit, you should actually know that best," Anders put it one step further and Daniel finally tore the patience.

"It’s none of your business, Anders! And why are you even interested? You don’t even like her " Daniel remarked with a frown.

"I don’t like if people are treated unfairly, "Anders snapped as he stripped off his clothes to put on his jump suit.

"Just for your information: That wasn’t my idea, but Alex's. He must have told her already that she should come with me this evening and must have pumped it all up to something that it isn’t. I would’ve told her that it's not a date. But thanks for your trust. Really" Daniel turned away. 

"As if that would change something ... one might think you had infused her a love potion, as fixated as she is on you ...", grumbled Anders to himself.

"If it makes you happy: I could imagine that will change soon," Daniel hissed and stomped angrily with his jump boots on the floor, because he didn’t come in as usual.

"What's that supposed to mean?" - "Well, you were there this morning, weren’t you?"

Unsuspecting, Anders shrugged and waited for Daniel to complete his thoughts. "Hard to miss, Domen and Silje got along well," Daniel exclaimed in frustration, looking around for his helmet when Anders actually started to laugh. "Nice that at least one of us has his fun."

"Do you suffer from delusions?" -

"You saw them this morning. Saw how Domen adored her. How familiar they were with each other, "He bitterly stuffed the helmet into his pocket and looked around for his wedges.

"You’re kidding me right? The fire head isn’t on Silje. If Thiessen hadn’t appeared, he would probably have let her disappear unobtrusively at the earliest opportunity and we would never have known what had happened to her. How many times should I tell you? I am-"

"STOP SAYING THIS! I'm so tired of it! It- This will never happen, okay?!" Daniel yelled at Anders, who stared at him perplexed.

"Please. Don’t tell me again this friendship is working. You two will never be just frien-"

"No! I did what you wanted me to do. I tried it! The only difference is that I know when to stop. And why not? After all, we are friends- "-

"Yeah, and what great friends you are!" Anders remarked sarcastically.

"And why? Hmm? It's all your fault! You have brought everything back! Constantly making me hope, instead of just letting it die, so that I can at least get that friendship that would mean everything to me- "

"And what are you doing then? What does your plan look like? Continue to drool over the pinhead? Watching him get happy while standing idly by and not getting away? Brav applauding and rejoiceing for him? And at the same time wasting your life? For someone who doesn’t deserve it at all? Dieng a little more each time he falls in love with someone else? Watching how he looks and touches these girls, as he will never do with you? Longing for his attention? Feeling on Cloud Seven just because he has time for you once a month, because his life continues even without you? What, Daniel? That's what you're actually planning, isn’t it? "Anders stared at him almost contemptuously.

"That's not fair, Anders. You know exactly-" -

"Fair? Of course it isn’t fair! The world isn’t fair! Neither to you, nor to anyone else. That's why I give you a well-intentioned advice: either completely or not at all! Crap, Daniel! You know she's been spilling on you since she first met you! You're the reason why everyone flips off! Over and over again. Although you sometimes don’t see each other for months. There isn’t even a tiny little chance for someone else. You keep her warm and don’t even get it! Is this what you would call fair? ", Raged Anders totally upset.

Breathing heavily, they stood facing each other. The words still booming in Daniel's ears, as if there were an echo in the room. Stunned, Daniel stared at Anders. He had no idea, didn’t know what to say. While Daniel searched for words in shock, Anders gathered his things together.

"Anders ... I ... that ..." Daniel hadn’t known about Anders’ feelings. He had been too busy with his own life. He didn’t recognize it. 

"Just forget it!" Anders snapped at him and rushed out of the room. Overwhelmed, Daniel looked after his friend.


	25. Domen - Innsbruck - Day of qualification

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Air traffic - Charlotte  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=shqY4WRJQh8

_Daniel Andre Tande (22) flies for the overall victory in the Four Hills Tournament. BILD called him after his New Year's success of Garmisch the "mother's son" because he still lives together with Mama Trude in Kongsberg (80 kilometers from Oslo)._

Chuckling, Domen held his cell phone in his hand, scanning the article he had found to kill time. And he really needed to kill time. He felt stupid. And strange. Restless. Something went wrong. But he didn’t know what it was. 

_The sympathetic Norwegian reveals: "I'm afraid of every jump. When he starts up on the tower, I can’t really look. I can hardly stand on my feet and almost piss myself off. "  
When her "good boy" triumphed in Garmisch, the tears flowed in torrents. "I am currently the proudest mom in Norway. However, at the age of two he wanted to jump off a ten meter hill and cried if I didn’t allow it. "_

"Cheshire cat swallowed?" -

"Do you have to creep up on me like this ?!" Concluded Domen caught the open browser window on his cell phone. He glared at Anže, who curiously bent down to see what made him smile.

"So? What are you smiling at? "He sat down nosy, trying to catch a glimpse of the screen.

"Am I not allowed to even smile anymore?", Domen snorted.

"Do you see? That's why I must ask. "-

"Huh?", Confused, Domen stared at his roommate. 

"Well, now you're back to normal. A grumbler- "

"Not true! I’m always happy! I'm always smiling! "Domen said indignantly.

"Pfff, in your dreams, maybe, when you've just killed Peter, but otherwise I rarely see you grin. Never if I started to think about it," Anže replied seriously.

"No wonder. There's nothing to laugh about when you're there. Mostly it's a-Hey! No, " Domen started to laugh, trying to prevent a knock on his head. 

"Then look who’s talking, Mr. Grumpy. So you'll understand, if I now assume that someone is mourn after his Cheshire cat. You can’t start mitigation soon enough ...", The older Slovenian had this researching-knowing expression in his eyes that Cene had been carrying behind him all day long. That droves him crazy. Why wasn’t he able to ask Daniel? Why did he change the subject? 

"Then you better start with your own life, before ... how, was her name? Ila? "-

"Iva." - "Before Iva looks around for appropriate therapies and realizes what kind of idiot she has gotten herself into," Domen spurred, but to his surprise, Anže didn’t let himself get worked up.

"I never said, that she doesn’t know that already," Anže replied with a distant smile. 

Daniel liked him, too, even though he was an idiot sometimes, it flashed in Domens thoughts and was gone as quickly as it had surfaced. "Aha," Domen replied, somewhat overwhelmed, watching the Finns at the other end of the path, who were already packing their things again. 

"Okay, now, Cheshire cat out of the bag: What happened to Grumpy Domen?", Anže leaned over to him, promptly causing Domen to blush. "Or should I ask who happened to you?"

"Can’t I just be in a good mood? Or do I first have to make an application? ", Domen blocked angrily. "Besides, I just clicked through the new picture gallery of Oberstdorf. They raided the archive once again. Great settings! Crap, I want to fly, "Domen said decisively, but couldn’t keep his eyes on Anže. He felt cornered, though there was no reason to do so. Nobody knew Daniel's secret.

And Anže certainly had no telepathic abilities. He couldn’t. He didn’t even manage to put on two identical socks in the morning.

"How could I expect anything else?", Anže rolled his eyes and stood up. Relieved, Domen exhaled. "You should really rethink your priorities. But what am I talking about? You are still half a child ", he patted the Slovenian regretfully his shoulder, which grumbling pulled away his grip.

"I am not half a child! My mental age is at least 60, unlike certain others." Domen glared at Anže.

"For a Grumpy, this is preschool age," Anže teased the young Slovenian and watched amused as his eyebrows contracted ominously. He knew that he enjoyed it too much to upset the younger one. "And let me tell you one thing: if you really were as old as you claim, then you would know that this special look should be reserved for other things," Anže said meaningfully.

"Get some glasses," Domen jumped up, shouldering his backpack and his skis. The conversation became too stupid for him now. He had to prepare for a competition. 

Grumbling and with his mood at the low point Domen ran to the hill. Now he hadn’t even been able to wait for Daniel, as he had intended. Briefly, he glanced at the small screen in the camp. It showed the waiting room in the tower and Domen stopped for a moment. In the background of Noriaki Kasai he could make out Stjernen and Fannemel, but there was no trace of Daniel. Maybe he was still drinking coffee with his mother. At least this article had claimed that he always did that before jumping.

Lost in thoughts Domen stopped in front of the elevator, that would take him to the lift tower, and pressed the button. He looked up while he waited. The gigantic eagle's head looked majestically over the city, as if it didn’t concern him. No one would bother the eagle if he spontaneously decided to come to life, Domen thought, as the elevator pleadingly announced that he could board.

Impatiently he waited for the doors to finally close. Maybe Daniel was already upstairs. The television camera didn’t show the whole room, he thought, as a couple of ski tips slipped between the almost closed elevator doors.

"Shit, I'm really late!", Severin Freund cursed in an unusual manner when he saw the young Slovenian in his yellow jersey.

Astonished, Domen looked at the German, who was slightly pale around his nose. He thought of the conversation between Severin and his wife he witnessed involuntarily in Garmisch-Partenkirchen. The low of his form seemed to be really bad and brought Severin sleepless nights. Then he thought of Daniel. The Norwegian told him, he was nervous. What did you do in such a situation? How could he be helpful? Fervently, Domen thought about it as the silence in the elevator unfolded inexorably.

"Actually, I'm just punctual today", it finally tumbled out of him, because he couldn’t think of anything better. Severin merely nodded, and they continued their journey in the elevator in amicable silence. He would certainly be a great moral supportive of Daniel. Not. But he must be. It was important. 

Daniel was the first person who have seen him as an independent individual. Not comparing him to his brother, Domen thought as the elevator doors finally opened. He wasn’t allowed to screw it up.

Nervously and yet full of anticipation, the Slovenian entered the lounge of the ski jumpers and let his gaze glide around the room. Although Domen had already guessed, he was disappointed when he realized that Daniel wasn’t there. Frustrated, he dropped into the empty chair next to Peter, who only looked up at him for a moment and immediately went back into his tunnel.

For a while, Domen turned his attention to the big screen where they could watch the competition, then he glanced thoughtfully back at the door. Jumpers came and went. Daniel still wasn’t there. Then he took the big clock in his field of vision again. His fingers moved restlessly over the back of the chair. Nothing. Nothing happened! Impatiently he jumped up, began to stretch, only to stop himself from start running and see where Daniel was.

"What?" Domen asked his brother, as he noticed his skeptical look. 

"Nothing ... you ... fidget," Peter finally said, as if that explained everything.

"You mean, I keep my joints warm," Domen replied imperturbably as the door opened and Daniel finally entered the room. Relieved, Domen let out a sigh and watched the Norwegian, hoping Daniel would glance over and give him one of his smiles. Instead, Daniel lowered his eyes and sat down in a corner slightly away from the action. 

"Trouble in paradise again?"

"What? No! ", Domen turned to his brother in surprise, whom he had completely forgotten and couldn’t stop himself from blushing once more. "Everything's alright." He believed. Daniel had been strangely dismissive during the trials. That had to be the nervousness… but if even Peter realized that Daniel was behaving strangely ... Maybe Daniel had noticed what he was about to ask for. But he didn’t say anything. He didn’t ask Daniel how he had realized he was gay. He changed the subject. He didn't cross the line. 

"For sure? Somehow ... I dunno ... I mean, what's up with you two? "Peter asked suspiciously, noticing his brother's uncertain look, and stared at Daniel.

"Stop that!" Domen hissed and would have helped Peter personally to reorient his head. "We're not at the zoo!" More unwanted attention was certainly the last thing the Norwegian needed.

"All right! Calm down, "Peter hissed embarrassed and nodded to Macej Kot, who had interrupted his conversation with Piotr. "Is it still about the um ... the killing offense?" Peter whispered curious.

"No. It's off the table. Acquittal, so to speak. File closed. Trauma overcome, " Domen repulsed Peters assumption energetically. "Everything's fine." 

Or? Looking at Daniel made him feel uncomfortable. The same feeling that had already hit him this morning and noon today. But Daniel had assured him that there was nothing. Only the nerves. He had a chance to win the tournament. It had nothing to do with him. With their friendship. 

“If you say so” Peter shrugged and turned his attention back at the competition. 

And Domen tried to lean back and relax. But he couldn’t. Because there was this feeling telling him, that something was wrong. It aroused the desire to go over and ask if everything was alright. But as much as he wanted to go over, he wanted to stay seat. Just like a few hours ago. Every single voice in is head had asked him why he even wanted to know how Daniel realized he was gay. It wasn’t important. But no matter how much he persuaded himself, any miswired control center in his brain told him it was important. Lately, he sometimes didn’t understand himself anymore. What he knew, however, was that Daniel shouldn’t deal with his abnormal sensibilities. So he asked something stupid about Silje he wasn’t interested in. 

It was his problem and not Daniel’s and at the moment the only important thing was distracting Daniel from his nervousness. He deserved to win this trophy.  
And then the screen showed Anders and a far too short jump. Domen's eyes shot to Daniel, seeing the worry lines on his face. That was everything he needed. Determinedly, Domen stood up. 

"Slowcoach," he said, stopping in front of Daniel.

"Prevc," Daniel nodded astonished as the Slovenian took a seat. 

Domen didn’t know what was bothering him more. His new nickname, which sounded like they were distant acquaintances from a previous life, or that Daniel immediately turned away. Domen stared at the screen, his lips tight. Then Domen couldn’t stand the silence any longer: "Are you aware that the term ski _jumping_ is completely misleading?"

"Huh?”

Yes, Domen could understand Daniel's surprise. He also had no idea why he had said that now. But it was way better than this tacit tension between them. "Well, technically, or should I say, physically, we're in a process of falling," explained Domen, relieved that Daniel didn’t immediately turn away, even a quick smile flashed over his lips.

"I didn’t guess you were a nerd, Prevc," Daniel said, wondering.

"I'm versatile," The Slovenian declared cockily.

"If you say so," Daniel growled in the face of Domen’s smile, which didn’t really belong to him. Was Anders right?

Another burdensome silence rose between them. Restless, Domen slipped around in his chair. He didn’t want to disturb Daniel in his concentration. And Daniel looked like he was disturbed. It was just the competition. Not him. Determined to give Daniel the necessary rest, Domen turned away, trying to concentrate on his own.

Jump concentrate. Think of your arms. No rowing. This hill requires patience. Goran had said that to him. He closed his eyes. Imagined he was sitting on the beam, ready to but then the picture flickered. Daniel. In the forest. In a clearing. Sunlight played with his blond hair. Butterflies circled the Norwegian when everything went dark. Crows circled over the Norwegian's head. Rats crawled nimbly through the undergrowth. Shadows blocked the view again and again. Pushed between them. Domen was walking. Leaned forward while the Norwegian drifted away from him again. Looking around for the rescuing anchor. He had to be faster. He was too slow. Too far away. Suddenly dark giants shot from the ground. Desperately, Domen looked around. Had no idea what happened here when a branch grabbed him. Wind lashed through his hair. The trees grew higher and higher, fetched and shot Domen over the treetops into the distance. He was burning. He tried to escape. The ground approached, he shot through branches, straight to Daniel. Daniel, who was leaning against a tree. Not noticing him. Engrossed in a kiss with a black-haired boy. Panic seized the Slovenian. He didn’t want that. What happened? He had to-

"Achoo!" - "Bless you!”

Startled, Domen looked up. His pulse rushed in his ears as if he were still flying. God, he was about to jump down a hill and was as concentrated as a javelin on LSD. 

"Thanks!" Stefan Kraft sniffed and took his skis to went outside. Daniel had gotten up too. He was already putting on his helmet and glasses. 

Hastily, Domen snatched up his stuff. No one else sat in the room except them any more. Daniel shouldered his skis. Domen tried desperate to close his helm clasp with shaky fingers. Daniel turned around. Domen squeezed his sweaty fingers into his gloves as he saw Daniel standing at the door, his hand already on the latch.

Fuck it! 

"Daniel!?", Domen shouted hastily and the Norwegian faltered. 

"Yes?"

For a heartbeat, time was running out for Domen. For a heartbeat, his thoughts raced, full of Daniel. Full of his kiss, which paralyzed him. Owned everything. For a moment he was full of dark threatening forests. Then he forced himself to turn his head back on. To calm down. Not to be afraid. 

"Is uhm ... Is everything okay? ... With you? " _With us?_

He stared tensely at Daniel's back. Saw how he straightened up. And then he nodded. "Yes, everything is okay. Good luck, Prevc. "

 _Prevc._ He breathed deeply. Everything okay. That was the answer he wanted to hear. But was it the truth? "The same to you, Slowcoach." Domen replied and tied his shoes. He was too paranoid. They all made him crazy, he thought as the door slammed shut, left him alone with his grumbling stomach.

With his skis on his shoulders he went outside. Icy wind and bright sunshine welcomed him. The stadium announcer sounded moderately enthusiastic from below. Michael Hayböck seemed to have shown only a passable jump. He joined the line of waiting jumpers. Daniel's suit has just been checked. Then it was his turn with material control. He waited until Michael Neumayer had done his job. Maciej Kot kicked off and the stadium announcer paid tribute to the Poles jump. 

As Marus Eisenbichler sat down on the beam, Domen turned his eyes away. Patience. Feeling. No paddles. Everything was alright. No reason to be tense. Daniel was just nervous. It depended a lot on his appearance. Psychology, he reminded himself. He stopped with his eyes on Daniel, who was staring absently down and clearly pondering. Steep mental lines graced his forehead.

"What do you think of _Skyfall_ , Mr. Wannabe Agent Slowcoach? Instead of the clumsy ski jumping, " Domen leaned over Daniel's shoulder, who turned to him, startled. 

"Sounds fancy," was everything Daniel was able to say because of Domen’s proximity, which hit him completely unprepared. Stefan Kraft, slipped on the beam. Soon it was Daniels turn.

"Just fancy? Come on! Great. Heavenly. Impressive. These are fitting attributes, "Domen revolted, wondering what he was doing. Daniel had to think he was mentally disturbed. Loud cheers came up to them.

Cheering calls for the strong Austrian. Daniel put his skis on the ground. Stefan Kraft took off. Daniel got into the bond. Clambered on the beam. Even louder cheers were heard, including the stadium announcer's assurance that Stefan had just delivered the best jump of the day so far.

Domen straightened his suit. Watching nervously as Daniel fix his glasses. Domen squatted once more to provide less attack surface for the wind. Daniel took another deep breath. The traffic light jumped to green. And Domen waited anxiously for the Norwegian to dislodge. Hoped that it would be a good jump. Alex lowered the flag. Daniel let go. Without looking back.

Then it was Domen's turn. Waiting for him to finally switch off his head, he had to switch off to fully trust in his feeling that was so important to show good jumps. He didn’t need a smile. Daniel had enough to do with himself. It wasn’t important. Why was it important to him? Goran lowered the flag. Relieved, Domen pushed away.

Cold wind blew in his face. Animated his senses. He focused on the edge, realizing that he hadn’t paid any attention to Daniel's result. Fuck, he thought, as he leaped to his feet because he couldn’t wait any longer. Because his feeling told him he had to jump now. Full of confidence in his feelings, he pushed away. Leaned forward, caught by the wind. Then he searched his position. Noticed, that it felt weird. That he once again couldn’t classify it. Like the whole day. He saw the ground once more approaching much too early.  
Dissatisfied with himself he landed. He didn’t even start the telemark. The telling off he later would receive from Goran didn’t matter to him. As he drove out, Domen tried to catch a glimpse of the huge score board.

To find out if Daniel had done better. Place ... five, if he had recognized that correctly. Unfortunately, the Slovenian noticed too late, that he had slowed down too much, so he tumbled forward in the snow, trying to somehow stop his descent. But it was unstoppable downhill. 

After he reached the top, still with his googles on his face, Domen studied the results, before he sat down on a bench and began to change his clothes. Restless his eyes wandered through the crowd as he noticed Daniel. Next to Silje, who discovered him the next moment. 

"Winnie Pooh Junior! Today, you have earned no honey pot," Silje greeted the Slovenian. 

"Are you kidding me? The honey wine grapes this morning were quite clear ice cold calculation. No wonder earth gravity could work that easy today,” He joked with the blonde and turned to Daniel. "Maybe I underestimated your dark world conquest plans." 

"I warned you," the Norwegian replied curtly.

"Yes, our Daniel here is a sly do- Damn, there is Stefan! Without a mic in front of his face ... ", she reached for Daniel's arm purely reflexively, which didn’t seem to bother him. But for some reason, it bothered Domen. "Excuse me, but a little statement would certainly make the association happy, " Silje hurried on, stopping on half of her way: "Oh, are you going to pick me up later at seven?"

"Sure!", Daniel called after her.

"What are you doing tonight?" Domen asked, frowning.

"Raw-air presentation. Alex wants to drum up business" Daniel grunted as he started to walk.

"Aha. And you two are going together because you're friends and Silje would be there anyway as a representative of the association? "Domen speculated with undisguised curiosity and a hint of disapproval in his voice as he lumbered Daniel.

"Don’t worry. Silje should just guide me through the shark tank of the press, "Daniel replied.

Astonished by the harsh tone of the answer, Domen stopped dead in his tracks. Daniel, on the other hand, simply kept going. "Why are you acting strange? I just asked, "Domen called after the Norwegian as he hurried to join him again.

"I ...", uncertain Daniel looked at him once more with his brooding face. They were standing in a quiet corner, the containers around them were already abandoned and dark.  
"Is it the nervousness? I mean because of the expectations and everything? More press this evening and everyone wants to hear that you're definitely going to win the tournament." Domen tried another attempt, as Daniel said nothing.

"Um ... yes, I'm sorry ... that ... It just settled in my head, " Gratefully, Daniel took up Domens explanation. He didn’t know what else to do or to say. Constantly he saw Silje and Domen together in front of him. 

"Well, but then it's good that Silje accompanies you," Domen forced himself to say, although he completely disagreed. He wanted to be the one on Daniel's side. He wanted to be the one who helped. He was the one with whom Daniel had held hands. Not Blondie. "But she can’t always be there," Domen added unintentionally. Hastily he babbled on as he saw how Daniel seemed to collapse. "You know, I think your problem is you've just misunderstand something-"

"Misunderstand?!" Daniel raised his head in confusion. The faint lantern above him gave his eyes an intense light green twinkling hue.

"That's what I'm saying. Instead of an overloaded brain, you just need leaden arms and legs to jump easily and carelessly, "explained Domen, as if it was the most natural thing in the world, wondering if his swing had been too close to the wall during childhood.

"Huh?"

"Suspended animation therap- I mean, mental training, Slowcoach," Domen corrected himself quickly and rummaged for all the senseless things Andrej had tried to teach him during the summer. "The Qualification ... you can’t change anymore. But tomorrow is a new day. And Anders isn’t you."

"Anders?", Nervously Daniel ran through his hair, while somewhere cracked a few branches.

"Anders jump. That's not you. That won’t happen to you. You're better, "Domen approached Daniel. Followed an inner urge to bridge the gap between them after a cold gust of wind caught him and sent him back to his daytime nightmare.

"I know," answered Daniel firmly, who slightly had flinched at the words of the Slovenian. What should he do? With eyes wide open Daniel watched as Domen slowly approached.  
"Then we agree," Domen grinned. He saw, the doubt in his eyes, before Daniel looked away. Doubts that were absolutely out of place. Shit, Daniel was one of the best jumpers of the season. They both had left big names behind them. He noticed the Norwegian retreating. Bringing distance between them, that left strange emptiness, Domen didn’t like. 

Without further ado, he let his skis hit the ground and grabbed Daniel by the shoulders, forcing him to look him in the eye. "And that's why we close our eyes now, let our body parts become cement and imagine that we are somewhere in the forest," Domen announced in a deep voice and swallowed. "You are the calm itself."

"Chrm ... what uhm ... is that supposed to be?" Daniel whispered and Domen felt that he in- and exhaled a few times.

"Autogenic training? Meditation? An extrasensory experience? "Domen stammered, trying to bring this familiar sense of burning back under control. He tried not to break into the abyss. To not losing control. But the more he focused on Daniel, the more he began to fly. He felt like he was relentlessly carried away by a hurricane. "Nerve euthanasia. Away with the nervousness. Away with the doubts. Give the victories.”

"Give victories?" Daniel asked amused. His mouth turned slightly upwards. Domens heart hopped wildly in his chest and adapted to the wild rush of his pulse. For a moment he was enchanted. 

"Concentration, please!", He gave Daniel a light slap on the shoulder. "This is a serious matter," Domen reproved the Norwegian, completely abandoning himself to his instincts. He stoped thinking and fighting. Even though he didn’t know he was fighting. He pulled Daniel a little closer to him. "So ... Chrm ... forest ... there are trees everywhere ... uhm ... in green ... and heavy arms ...", Hesitantly Domen continued, hadn’t the slightest idea what he was doing or saying. Doubted that anything made any sense. Except that they both were standing here.

Facing each other. In the faint light of the small streetlights between gray, dreary containers and the dark, rushing forest in the background, Domen suddenly felt like in a beautiful clearing in the middle of spring. "Birds are singing, dancing around the branches ... getting carried away ... by the wind ..." Domen said softly as his hand moved slowly up Daniel's arm until he felt warm skin under his fingers. He didn’t know, he had missed this feeling.

"Why are you doing this?" Daniel interrupted Domen in a whisper, lost in thought, desperate. Tortured he closed his eyes.

"To help you," Domen replied, smiling innocently, to reassure Daniel. Stroke with his thumb reassuringly over his neck. Held him close until his brain began to work again. Why are you doing this? Why weren’t you able to ask him how he realized he was gay? 

"But ... I mean ... uh ... besides ... it's better to be self-reliant ... Silje won’t have time for you-" Domen bubbled dispassionately. As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Domen felt Daniel's shoulders start to shake. "I mean, that’s what friends are for," Domen insisted, uncomprehending, as Daniel stiffened and broke away from him. Back in the shadows of the night.

"Friends ... Tell me, is that actually intentional?" Daniel finally pressed out softly. He looked as if he would rather have screamed.

"What do you mean?"

"This whole hot and cold game. Do you think I'm so hopelessly lost in you that I don’t notice you flirting with Silje in front of my eyes? "Daniel's knuckles, which held his skis tightly, came out white. "Or trying to get information about her?"

"What?! No! I don’t like her, "Domen exclaimed angrily. "Cene get something wrong. He-"

"Don’t always blame others. It’s more than obvious- "

"Are you deaf?! I wouldn’t even touch her with a barge-po- "

"Stop making excuses! Are you even aware of what you are doing with me?! "Daniel blurted out finally.

"Well, until now I thought, I was helping you, but apparently not," Domen snapped at Daniel. "Crap, I asked you, didn’t I? Multiple times! If everything is okay. Why do you lie, if nothing is okay? I can’t read thoughts! Like the most other normal people by the way! That's not my fault!"

"You're right. I ... I can’t do this anymore, "Daniel resigned, looking up into the cloudy sky.

"What?" Dumb punched his heart in his chest, sending harsh blows through his body. A crow cawed in the distance.

"This. We. Together. Friends. I can’t handle it, " Daniel replied soundless but determined.

"Wait ... are you breaking up with me?", Domen croaked in disbelief as he understood. "After all the sleepless nights, the doubts and the trouble I had because of you?", Domen stepped into his anger, because it was easier than dealing with the slap in the face that Daniel had just gave him. "After all the nerves and the overcoming, it had cost -"

"Overcoming?" Daniel hissed sharply. "If it's that terrible for you to spend time with me, then you should have left it like it was!"

"No! I just meant ... confronting with something out of norm- "Domen tried clumsily to explain what he meant while making everything worse.

"It just keeps getting better and better. So I'm abnormal, right? "-

"Argh! Are you doing this on purpose? I don’t- "

"Leave it like that. Please. You want to look behind the mask? Fine, but then accept that I don’t feel like lingering any longer as your latest social project, just so you can sleep better at night, Prevc. "Daniel spat and pecked Domen's chest with his skis on every single word. "I just can’t believe that you’re thinking like that! But hey, you're digging at Silje, while I'm standing by, though you know exactly what I'm feeling. I'm not your tool to get to your dear lady, Prevc! Shit! Anders was right from the beginning. I can’t believe I was that stupid! "Daniel slammed every single word to the Slovenian before he turned and ran away.

"Please! Whatever!", Domen shouted injured, after a moment of disbelief. Angry and completely overwhelmed he gaze after Daniel. “Just go! I don’t care!”

"Do you always have to scream?"

Startled, Domen spun around. 

"Well, at least I am able to find you much easier," Cene stated imperturbably. "What happened? What did you do?”

"Why me?" -

"Well, normally, Daniel didn’t scream without reason," Cene interjected.

"I didn’t have- I mean, what does he think? He’s beyond help anyways. I don’t care, "Domen crossed his arms defiantly. Trying to ignore the cold that slowly crept up his body. 

"Interesting characteristic of I don’t care," Cene grinned at him, giving Domen the opportunity to cling to his anger.

"Then tell me: Why to hell should I care what crawled up his ass this time?" Domen challenged his brother.

"You can’t be serious… Can you?" -

"What? Everyone thinks what he wants! No matter what I say! ", Domen growled, giving his brother a scowl. "I mean: Silje. Seriously?!"

"Well, why not? Yo- "

"But I didn’t have a crush on Silje! Are you getting this now?" Furious, Domen interrupted his brother. 

"I know."

"That's all well and- Wait. " Confused Domen paused. "What?!" That wasn’t the answer he had expected.

"I already realized we don’t talk about the pretty blonde." -

"But… What? I mean ... Uhm ... What are you ...? "Domen stammered, feeling as if he had run against a wall as he saw Cene's compassionate gaze. 

"Well, because ... you ... You've already realized that you're totally in love with Daniel, right?

...

Or?

...

Domen?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, what do you think? What will Domen do now? And what about Daniel? Questions upon questions :p
> 
> Oh and this is the source of the article I used at the beginning: http://www.bild.de/sport/wintersport/vierschanzentournee/ich-sterbe-vor-jedem-sprung-49574206.bild.html


	26. Daniel - Innsbruck - Day of qualification

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Endochine - A new beginning  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WSHVLZ9-Q-g

Absently, Daniel stood in the middle room. Classical music was playing quietly in the background. Impassively dull murmurs drifted past him, as did many faces creeping around him deliberately. Photos were shot, voices were caught. Everyone was having fun.

_After all the sleepless nights, the doubts and the trouble I had because of you? After all the nerves and the overcoming? Confrontating with something out of norm._

It didn’t matter how hard he tried. The stigma of abnormal stuck to his soles as stubbornly as tar. Left treacherous traces no matter how far he was running. Made all his attempts to niece. Made him realize he couldn’t escape. And if he tried to take on the role of Ola Nordmann, everything only got worse. Domen would never have wanting to become friends, if he dropped the mask from the start. Then Daniel's biggest concern would be the tournament and maybe Silje would have been with Anders on the way to the sunset and his best friend would still talk to him.

Domen had brought him back from his dream world. With punches directly into his heart. _After all the sleepless nights, the doubts and the trouble I had because of you? After all the nerves and the overcoming? Domen brought San back. Then become normal. Do therapy, because that, Danny, is sick._

Daniel turned away from the center of the room to the buffet. He was pretending to have a goal in mind because he was afraid to look lost. Indifferently, he let his gaze wander over the neatly arranged appetizers in a Christmas setting. Christmas. He had laughed with his mother, had dreamed of a Domen now and then, who had been too beautiful to be true.

"That's what I call fate! Finally, we get to know each other! " A hand enthusiastically pushed itself into his field of vision, which was dressed in a dark turquoise-green fabric with silver edging.

"The joy is on my side," Daniel react to the chocolate mousse in front of him without looking up and seized the offered hand, which surely belonged to one of the numerous journalists. He really hoped that this event would be over soon. 

"That's not to be overlooked," the stranger said in a unidentifiable tone, making the Norwegian look up. Attentive gray-blue eyes looked at him confidently behind some glasses.  
"Andrej Kos. Glad to meet you! After hearing so much about you from your mother, " The Slovenian shook his hand effusively as Daniel's eyes were deflected by an overweight man in the background. More precisely from the corners of his mouth, which the journalist frowned up disapprovingly, while looking at Andrej. The dark green fabric belonged to a kind of tunic. Andrej would have fitted perfectly in every oriental bazaar. 

"Delicious these tartlets, eh?" Andrej, who had followed Daniel's distracted look, didn’t seem very impressed.

Dumbfounded and obviously more than surprised to even have been addressed, the press man's mouth opened and closed without making any sound, reminding Daniel of a fish on the dry land.

"Sure," it finally sounded dismissive. Demonstratively, the reporter leaned over the buffet, away from Andrej to reach for one of the last two remaining tartlets on the tray in front of him. But the hand of the Slovenian was faster. Under the disbelieving looks of Daniel and the star-gazing murder threats of the scribe, Andrej coldly snatched the last tarts and put them into his mouth.

"You really missed something, if you didn’t taste them” The Slovenian licked his fingers, as if nothing had happened. As if the reporter wasn’t standing next to him, wishing Andrej to hell. 

"Well, successful evening, don‘t you think?"

Dazed at the sudden change of subject, Daniel didn‘t know what to say or do. "Um ... yes. I mean, it seems to have gone well, "he stammered speechless, still trying to process what he had just experienced. "What ... um ... why? I mean…"

Andrej shrugged calmly, as if a vulture hadn‘t been working on his bowels. Daniel had always felt that way. He had known the reporter's derogatory gaze too well. Glances, which asked, with which authority he was actually on this world. Glances that bespoke that he was on the popularity scale under annoying insects. Vigilantly, Andrej looked at him. Embarrassed Daniel avoided him, scratching his head because he didn‘t know what else to do as an excuse to escape, and looked around the room. More stealthy looks. Today, the past seemed to come alive. To calm himself, he grabbed one of those cupcakes right in front of him and dedicated his entire attention to it. Everything was okay. Nothing unusual. Nobody knew it. 

"I seem to be much talked of, eh?" Andrej chuckled, following the Norwegian's eyes. "Attack is still the best defense. And by far the most amusing. You just mustn’t leave the game to them, "he replied, as if he knew exactly what was going on in Daniel’s mind.

"But they’re making the game. That won‘t change anything." Daniel mumbled tired at his cupcake. That's why he felt so powerless. This feeling of fighting windmills. He didn‘t understand why it seems different for Andrej. Why he still was laughing. Maybe because Andrei had chosen it? He obviously loved the role of the colorful bird of paradise that blasted the entire black and white movie. Andrej could choose it. Andrej had chosen it. Daniel couldn‘t. Never had the choice. No chance to escape the nightmare. Domen proved it once more. 

“Right, you can‘t influence what they tell or think. But you can decide if you want to play or just let them push you around. And honestly, who wants a tealight life? "

"Tea light life?" -

"Well, always staying in your comfort zone. Never looking beyond the pretty shiny silver bowl. The same bleak yellow flame every minute until the wax burns down. That's boring, "Andrej said and demonstratively blew the candles on the table in front of them. One after the other. The black looks of the hotel staff Andrej simply smiled away, while Daniel had to resist the urge not to bring a few feet between them.

"It’s better to be firework," Andrej continued. "Colorful, loud, distinctive and leaving with a bang. Just the XXL Long Life variant. Normal is boring. Normal is ... a construct. An ideal. Not existent. Made for tealight people who don‘t come out of their metal bowl because they are afraid of real life and need something to cling to. So the question is: Are you afraid of real life, Daniel? "Andrej asked with disturbing urgency before puting another piece of cake into his mouth.

Thoughtfully Daniel stared at the Slovenian mental coach, who suddenly turned away, developing big interest in the arrangement and candles on the buffet. He muttered something about bad chi in the room, which led Daniel to wonder if Andrej's brain hadn‘t been exposed to the smoke of incense sticks too often before. Fireworks ... such a nonsense!

Lost in thought he took another cupcake. Besides, he wasn‘t afraid of life. He was just careful. For him, a lot depended on a pure-blooded vest. 

"If you don‘t want to chew, then you'd better take some of the chocolate mousse instead of massaging that poor little cupcake," Suddenly Silje stood in front of him staring at his hand. Andrej was gone. "Honestly, aren’t none of you guys able to eat anymore? Tom has just throw grapes into Halvor‘s mouth."

Involuntarily Daniel had to grin. "Table manners are totally overrated."

"Sadly, you're right. The press has enthusiastically documented everything for eternity. If Alex sees this tomorrow, my dad will have to inject him with high-dose valerian tablets again. " The Blonde shook her head in amusement and stared at the two who were actually standing around a table with several journalists. "But honestly, I don‘t think your sticky-nasty chatter will cause much delight," she naturally took his hand from which the small cream hood was already running slowly over the back of his hand, because he had crushed the cupcake unnoticed.

"Yeah, maybe," Daniel answered as his eyes almost automatically slid back to Anders. _Do you have any idea what you are doing? You’re playing, Daniel. You know exactly what she feels for you!_ Quickly Daniel withdrew his hand and lowered his eyes. "I'll do it."

"It‘s your hand." The blonde joked and Daniel looked at her again. Properly for a long time. Noticed, how happy and guileless she looked at him. How in love. Crap.

"Daniel! Nice to catch you alone! Well ... at least almost, " Dieter Thoma, the German sports expert, burst into the moment of Daniel's realization, and smiled mischievously at Silje. "Congratulations to your victory in Garmisch! It was a great competition! "He clapped on his shoulder.

The silence at the table was unusually lengthy. "Did I disturb you?”

"No you don‘t, or Daniel? We were just thinking about who seems unconvinced of the new concept _Raw Air_ , "she replied cheekily and threw back her hair. She was back in her element. 

"And so you just stopped at me?", Thoma asked amused. The TV expert liked Siljes style, like most others, Daniel thought, unable to suppress the small bite of bitterness. Seeing Domen in front of him. And San. 

"It‘s hard to see the difference between worry and age wrinkles with that soft light, or Daniel?" She nudged her elbow in his side, asking him to contribute something meaningful to the conversation. To do his job. Not only to deal with himself. But what did it bring? What had it brought him?

Laughing Dieter Thoma turned back. "So you hook up with a real challenge, didn’t you?" He nodded appreciatively. Automatically Daniel nodded back.

Anders sat up strained at the table next to them. Daniel knew he had to correct it. Should. Nevertheless, he hesitated, slipped a little further into the depths and Silje took the answers: "No false pity please. If so, then I would be the victim. I mean, let's be honest: who gets involved in something like the Raw Air and is still looking forward to it is definitely wrong in the garret. Or am I seeing something wrong? "

"Good argument," Dieter Thoma nodded, and both heads turned expectantly toward Daniel.

 _After all the sleepless nights, the doubts and the trouble I had because of you? After all the nerves and the overcoming? It's okay with me. It doesn’t change anything. Not for me._ "Um ... I ..." Daniel stammered. 

_I won’t call the exorcist right away. It's okay to like uh- ... neon green. . Christ Daniel, you have the same right to love, whom you want like everyone else, and you shouldn’t feel guilty about it! At least one who realizes that I'm not one of them. Then become normal. Do therapy, because that, Danny, is sick. That's fun, right? You like that, right? Crawling around on the floor. Showing me your ass?_

"It probably had leave him speechless," Silje chuckled as she stepped under the table against Daniel's leg.

_At least one who realizes that I'm not one of them. Well, do I look like I'm gay?! After all the sleepless nights, the doubts and the trouble I had because of you? After all the nerves and the overcoming?_

"I'm normal," Daniel rushed out, knowing that they were still waiting for an answer. He wanted it to be okay. For himself. Fought to become himself again. The version before Domen. 

"What?", Dieter Thoma and Silje asked simultaneously. Silje worriedly put her hand on his forearm. Asking him if something was wrong with him, eliciting Anders an angry snort that he wasn’t necessesary able to disguise as cough.

Daniel and Anders stared dumbly at each other's heads. _It's okay with me. It doesn’t change anything. Not for me._

Grimly, Anders mouth grimaced. He screamed. Screamed silently at Daniel: _Fair? Of course it isn’t fair! The world isn’t fair! Neither to you, nor to anyone else. Right, you can‘t influence what they tell or think. But you can decide if you want to play or just let them push you around._

He could decide. But what?

"Well, I don‘t know. It's kind of like ... uh ... well, not normal jump off a hill as if you had a deathwish. " Silje's words penetrated Daniel's mind. Normal.

Helplessly he looked around. Just to rest on the tealights in the Christmas arrangement in front of him.

_Normal is boring. Normal is ... a construct. An ideal. Not existent. Made for tealight people who don‘t come out of their metal bowl because they are afraid of real life and need something to cling to. So the question is: Are you afraid of real life, Daniel? Right, you can‘t influence what they tell or think. But you can decide if you want to play or just let them push you around._

Andrej haunted through his thoughts. He couldn‘t influence it. Hadn‘t he been able to influence San because he was too weak? Because he hadn‘t tried it persistently or often enough? What about Domen? You can't influence that. But what could he influence?

Tealight man. Maybe he was a tealight man. Silje worriedly put her arm on his. But at least he always knew what was right and what was wrong. He was such a self-pitying idiot.

"But that's what it's about," Daniel blurted out. Loosened from Anders accusing glances and withdrew Silje his arm. No pushing around any longer, because he was able to decide for himself. It had taken him so long to accept, who he was. And now he was way too close to lose that part of himself again. Not even Domen would be worth this. 

"To test limits. Reset standards. Two hundred years ago, jumpers would probably have been admitted if they thought that distances over 50 meters were realistic. You never know where the limits are, if you don‘t test them. Ready to go beyond set standards. That's the charm. Find out what we are capable of. Six competitions in ten days. For the one madness, for others the ability to move boundaries, " Daniel explained and felt a bit more like himself for the first time in days.

"Well spoken", acknowledging Thoma nodded and their conversation turned to other topics. Daniel confidently answered questions about his form and his expectations for the rest of the season in general and the tournament in particular.

Meanwhile, Daniel was busy thinking how to handle the matter with Silje and Anders. When Dieter Thoma finally thanked him and the evening came to an end, he saw his chance.  
"I'm done for today. You too? ", He announced and as Silje nodded in agreement, they walked together through deserted corridors of the hotel back to their rooms.

"So. What was going on before? Swallowed fortune cookie note? "Silje asked curiously. Anders was gone ten minutes ago. His expression had spoken volumes as he walked past their table.

"Calendar sheet," Daniel replied, having no idea how to handle the whole thing. "Listen ... thank you. For tonight, I mean. I wasn‘t quite in the spot today. "

"I’ve noticed." -

Daniel nodded silently as they passed by the large glass front of the foyer. The Norwegian breathed deeply. "Let's sit down for a moment?" He pointed to a small bench in a corner.

"For sure. Doesn‘t that look pretty? ", Sighed Silje, as she sat down next to him and looked dreamily out of the window. Innsbruck lay brightly lit among them, surrounded by mountains whose peaks seemed to shine in the darkness.

Silje leaned against his shoulder and felt more and more uncomfortable. He wanted to quit, so to speak. Give her the brush-off, even if she had never officially asked him. And what did he do? Make sure that at least the romantic backdrop was right. Sometimes he really was wrong in the garret. "Silje?"

"Mmmh?" -

"Can we- I mean, I'm sorry- I- Stupid that everyone is thinking we are a couple, right??" He finally managed and would have liked to bury himself in the flower pot of the weird palm next to him.

"They do that all the time," Silje explained wearily against his shoulder, continuing to enjoy the view as he struggled with rebuff her.

"Yes, but I mean, doesn‘t that bother you?" -

"Why should it? Man, if you start tomorrow with the wind, you can only be saved by a higher power. Better you start praying to all the great gods in the world, "Silje pointed out a large birch right in front of the hotel, which was dangerously tipping aside.

"Yes," Daniel growled impatiently. Couldn‘t she just stay with the topic? "So, let's come back to this couple thing-"

"Daniel," the blonde interrupted him with a sigh and straightened up. "Shut up, okay?"

"But I want to-" -

"I know what you want. And I think it's ... nice? that you want to tell it gently, but honestly: You rain on my parade! ", Silje complained with a punch in his side.

"Ow! You should better take care, otherwise I demand compensation for suffering, "Daniel lamented before he became serious again. "I-"

Sighing, Silje interrupted him again: "What did I told you?”

"I just don‘t want to ... I just don‘t want you to be exploited or to create false hopes," Daniel gasped, relieved to finally say it. Confused, he registered that Silje was starting to laugh. "What's so funny about it now?"

"Please, Daniel! Wrong hopes? I'm not an inexperienced teenager anymore. Just because you occasionally smile at me uncomplicatedly from time to time, I don‘t assume that you have an immortal crush on me. You know, I have a penchant for you and sometimes I let myself dream a little bit much of you. But that is my fault. So, if so, then I'm the one who uses you, "Silje clarified, keeping her eyes out the window.

"Why am I always the victim?” Daniel shook his head incredulously. “Honestly, it's not right to keep this in suspense. Always taking you on such occasions and letting everyone believe that we are a couple just because it’s easier for me. That ... is evil. "

"Yes, very evil, Daniel. You deserve lifelong house arrest. I'll arrange the terms later with your mum " Silje chuckled and educed a sullen drone from Daniel. 

"But honestly, I know what I'm doing. And now and then... mmhh ... losing yourself in imagination and escape from everyday life, to imagine what would be if, is nothing wrong. As long as you don‘t lose sight of reality, right? ", Silje asked thoughtfully. They both stared out the window.

"But it's still theater. Not real. I mean, why- Isn’t there anyone you really want to be with? "Daniel asked curiously, hoping for Anders. In his opinion, there was no reason why Silje was still single. And, as often as they had wrangle, Silje and Anders fit well together.

"I don’t have talent with men. I always get into idiots! I don’t remember the last tim I had a date that was fun and romantic and everything. I mean, just getting cozy, getting to know each other ... Is that really that hard? " Silje said as Daniel came up with an idea.

"Wow, a date? With ice skating, nice talks, shy smiles, romantic food and a kiss goodbye? ", Daniel hooked eagerly. That was the chance for Anders.

"Yes, isn’t that hard, right? Instead, I always get the whiners mourning because their ex’s or the machos who would most like to have the first date in bed right away "Silje threw her arms up in frustration as she vented her anger. "And you, you don’t have a crush on me, but - well, you just make it too easy to dream for an evening," she indignantly punched her fist against his upper arm. "I've just changed my mind: you're guilty."

"What if I would know someone who wants the same as you? Would be crazy, right? "-

"Yeahhhhhh?????" -

"What do you think of a blind date?" Daniel asked.

"With your mysterious friend, or what?", Silje wanted to know suspiciously.

"Yes. I promise, he's not an idiot and knows how a great date should be. He's nice, accommodating and he likes you, "Daniel praised his best friend in the highest tones.

"Who do you want to make me palatable? "-

"I am not going to tell you. Where else would be the surprise? The nervously happy excited butterflies in the stomach, "Daniel grinned innocently to the blonde Norwegian. He didn’t want to blow Anders, especially since he had no idea what had happened between them. "So: Are you afraid?"

"Damn, Tande! Woe, there isn’t the perfect gentleman in front of me! Then you can choose your gravestone! ", She threatened darkly. The corners of her mouth didn’t move a millimeter. So that wasn’t a joke. Woe, Anders would screw it up. Then he would drag Anders with him into the depths of hell, that much was certain.

"And now, let me use you a bit longer and bring me home, as it befits for an imagined perfect boyfriend," she told him.

Grinning, Daniel jumped up and bowed, "May I escort you to your room, Madame?"

"I’d be glad to," she rose gracefully from her seat and let the Daniel bring her to her room. He said goodbye to Silje with a kiss on the cheek and found himself back in front of his own hotel room door way too fast.

He was sure that Anders wasn’t that easy to convince like Silje. The older Norwegian was rarely angry, but when he was, he act it out. But, to be honest, then you had earned it. And Daniel really deserved it. He had needed the kick in the ass. After days of feeling sleep-shaken and helpless at life, Anders had tried to galvanize him again.

As he entered cautiously, he found Anders lying on his bed. Darkly, he looked at him, before he disappeared behind his magazine again.

Sighing, Daniel sat down at Anders bed. "I am sorry. For real. S- "

"That's what I saw tonight," It snarled behind the magazine, before Anders quietly fliped a page.

"Hey, I cleared that! Just as you wanted! ", Daniel protested loudly and threw his shoes into the corner of the room. 

"I'm touched that you did that just for me," Anders mocked without looking at him.

"I didn’t mean it like- I just wanted to say that - would you please listen to me if I want to apologize ?! "Daniel explode, as Anders seriously put on his headphones and read on.  
Stunned Daniel stood in front of Anders bed, who digged his heels in. And if Anders didn’t want something, then it was hard to convince him otherwise. Sometimes he was a little diva. But even a diva had weak points and Anders' he knew only too well.

Grimly, he struggled with his suitcase. Anders would listen, whether he wanted it or not. He had indulged way too long over and over again. Guided by his feelings of helplessness, Daniel thought doggedly as he scattered one garment after another on the floor, making sure to drop enough in front of Anders’s bed. As he disappeared into the bathroom with his sleep shirt and boxer shorts under his arm, he could already feel the deathly glances on his neck.

And as he hopped into the shower, he already heard suppressed cursing from the outside. Grinning, he grabbed his things after brushing his teeth and stepped out of the bathroom, just dropping his stuff in the corridor between his and Anders's bed carelessly on the newly tidied up floor. Satisfied, he saw that he had even lost a sock on the way. Anders glared at him, but everything Anders could do, Daniel could do better. 

"Good night," Daniel ignored the mutter from the other side of the room, turned out the light on his side, covered himself and waited. For a short time only the restless adjustment of a blanket and a pillow was heard.

"Crap! You're such an asshole, Daniel!" Anders finally jumped up angrily to tidy Daniel's things away. 

"Yes, I'm an ass! And I'm really sorry, Anders! If I had known-" -

"Then it should’ve made no difference. If you really want to fool yourself, then that's up to you, but you can’t just indiscriminately involve people around you, "he interrupted Daniel, glaring at him as he spread Daniel's shirt on the small table, to fold it up carefully.

Angrily, Daniel slammed his blanket aside and wrested his socks out of Anders' hands. At some point it was enough. "I understand, Anders. I know it was a shitty thing to use Silje like that and I'm sorry I didn’t realize what's going on with you. This whole thing has somehow completely thrown me off track. So, can we please talk about it like two adults now, or do you still prefer to sulk? Tell me, what I’ve missed." He invited Anders instead and dropped onto his bed. The hardest hurdle was taken and he was looking forward to announce that he had given him a date with Silje.

"Do you remember the National Day party?" Anders asked as he also went to bed nervously smoothing his blanket.

"Um, yes. You were there with the brown-haired ... What was her name? ", Daniel tried to remember the name of the woman wondering where the connection with Silje was. 

"Hannah. Her name is Hannah, "Anders jar Daniels memory, starring self-oblivious into the distance. "We went to school together. Were friends since I can think. "A sad smile crept up Anders face: "At some point it was more than friendship to me. Just imagine it as in these bad teen movies. With hidden daydreams and everything. I haven’t dared to tell her forever. I thought at someday she'll realize that we're the perfect couple by herself."

"Was there a someday?" Daniel asked cautiously as Anders stopped talking. The situation seemed vaguely familiar to him.

"Hannah moved to Oslo after school to study. I visited her there as often as I could. I was always there when she needed me. I just kept it up. Every time I set out to tell her what I feel, she came with some other guy she was dating. And I -"

"Stood idly by. Smiling and hoping that someday she would consider you to be more than just a friend while it has inwardly killing you? "Daniel speculated, remembering Anders's words.

"Well combined, Sherlock. Einar couldn’t endure my grouchy behavior any longer at some point. Gave me a verbal ass kick. So I went to visit her. She had just met Tyler. Tyler is an arrogant psychopathic ass. At the beginning, he paid just enough attention to keep her in line. It was almost ridiculous. But I had no chance. She wanted Tyler, not me, "Anders grumbled, clenching his fists.

Daniel guessed how the story went on. "And you remained friends?"

"Surprise!" Anders shouted bitterly into the room. "I persuade myself exactly the same things as you. I continued to persuade that she would realize at some point, what a dubious guy Tyler is. He did something to her ... isolating her from everyone, treating her like she was his personal slave or something ... Without his permission, she wasn’t allowed to go anywhere. When she was on the road, she had to report with a photo every half hour. Allegedly, because he's worried about her, Hannah took him under protection when I asked her about it. He controlled everything. Manipulated her whole thinking. I didn’t recognize her at all. But no matter how many times I've tried to open her eyes ... How often I begged and hoped she might finally break up with him, in the end she's always back to Tyler. Every goddamn time, "Anders beats his fist on his bed.

"Why was she at the party?" Daniel asked horrified. He could hardly remember Hannah. He had met her briefly at the buffet, where she had hastily avoided him. He had thought, she was just shy.

"The day before, she called me. Completely dissolved. They had argued and then Tyler slipped his hand, as she couched it in terms nicely. I sprang her. Away from Tyler. That's why she was at the party. Of course, Tyler has managed to convince her that she has completely overreacted. That it was a one-time slip-up, "Anders sneered. "I tried so many times ... Giving her the strength to finally break up, instead, I couldn’t shake the feeling of giving her the strength to stay, "Anders stared thoughtfully at the ceiling. "Maybe she would have separated from him a lot sooner if I hadn’t existed."

"You don’t know that, Anders." -

"I know, but well, it’s like with your never-happen coming-out: I can never be sure, right? I’ve messed everything up that I could. For her. For me, "Anders said and suddenly Daniel understood Anders so much better. Why he had urged him to provide clear conditions. Just because he would never forgive himself for missing all those chances. What would have happened if Anders had confessed his love right away?

"What happened to Hannah?" Daniel finally dared to ask, though he was afraid of the answer. 

"Hannah is recovering from her friend's last beating attack at the hospital and messes with several lawyers. Finally, she indicated Tyler, "Anders smiled grimly. "But ... well, I don’t want to lie: this isn’t a happy ending. Somehow, he just broke her. "

Dejectedly, Daniel nodded and snuggled deeper into his blanket. "Do you still have contact?"

"Sporadically. But Hannah and me ... It’s no longer an issue. "Anders said in a firm voice and for Daniel there was no reason to doubt his friend's statement. And at some point after that, he must had developed feelings for Silje, Daniel guessed.

"I talked to Silje. She knows there will never be more, "Daniel grinned at the older man, hoping to cheer him up a bit. 

"Mmm. Sorry for that. Every time I look at Silje, I see myself and would like to kick her in the ass to move on "Anders mumbled embarrassed.

"Is that why you always wrangle?" -

"Why else? She knows my story and I've told her so many times that she should move on and not waste all her youth with infatuations of you - Sorry. "-

"Never mind. You're right, "Daniel waved and was just about to announce the happy news as his best friend continued:

"Or at least have a clean break. Talking to you to get a rebuff. I mean, I even fixed her a date with Rasmus because he really liked her and I got the impression that they got along well. And what does this stupid girl do? Drops him off, ice-cold, and hangs back on your arm the next night at some of those silly charity events! I mean, did she learn nothing from my story?! "Anders continued to rage, not realizing that Daniel was just starting to sweat next to him.

"But why did you fix her a date with Rasmus?" Daniel croaked a few octaves higher than usual. That didn’t fit into his theory.

"Well, I thought maybe she realizes that there is more then one guy existing. Everyone has noticed that you treat her as if she were your little sister. I mean, I've always wondered why you never reciprocated her advances until well, by the time I saw you and the little dickhead after jumping in Oberstdorf, " Anders explained carelessly, while Daniel already felt like the noose around his neck became closer. "And today ... I knew that two weeks ago she dumped another guy and when Alex started to talk about your non-existing date and she ... I was just so mad! And you have accepted it! Made everything worse. You said nothing again. And she doesn’t listen to me on principle! ", Anders helplessly threw his arms in the air.

"Okay, um ... but just for me to write down: That means you're not even like Silje?!" -

"What?! No! That ... no! Why are you asking? ", Anders stared at him in confusion.

"Well, I thought ... um ..." Daniel stammered, wondering how he should teach Anders that he had inadvertently fixed him a blind date with Silje. "And you really haven’t even thought about it? I mean, Silje is pretty, intelligent, and really nice…"

"Also rebellious, know-it-all and stubborn. I've told her a thousand times that she'll regret it sometime later, but all I get back is a fuzzy: take care of your own tragedy, Fannemel! "Anders aped the blonde.

"Um ... yes. The ... Um ... " Fitted to Silje and Anders. He was so dead. "What if you got the chance to convince Silje?" Daniel asked meekly, pulling his blanket up a bit higher.  
"What do you mean?", Suspiciously Anders stared at him.

"Um ... well ... maybe I ... accidentally ... I mean, who could have guessed ..." Daniel babbled nervously and decided that he was somehow attached to his life. At least now as he had the feeling to get his life back under control. 

"Come to the point, Daniel," demanded Anders, who was already looking angry at him.

"I only did that for your sake. It would be nice if you keep that in mind, okay? "-

"Danny, I'm not getting younger." -

"I accidentally fixed you a date with Silje," Daniel blurted out and Anders sat up in horror, staring at Daniel with his mouth open. "And hey let’s see it positivly: Presumably you now have the best chance to finally convince Silje. And you would be a pretty couple."

"What the hell did you take to think that that was a good idea?! And why does she even think so?! Did you smoke dope?! ", hissed Anders, aghast.

"She doesn’t know it's you?" Daniel hurriedly pressed out, deciding that he prefered a cremation like the old Vikings had to a normal boring funeral ceremony.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now that you have bravely held out and read, a few words from me: I know that chapter was long and tough and definitely not my best (I had so many difficulties to translate it), but I promise, the next will be significantly better :) I just had to bring loose threads together to focus on Domen and Daniel in the next few chapters.


	27. Domen - Innsbruck - Day of competition

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, first of all some notes, because I think I might made a big mistake of translation in chapter 25. More precisely in the end of the chapter. The last sentence. Cene said: "You already realized that you totally soppy on Daniel." Okay, I looked up the frace "verschossen sein in jm." and dict.cc told me: "be soppy on sb." But a friend told me, that soppy means something like angry, what of course made no sense in this context. So I changed the word "soppy", which you might misunderstood, because of my false translation, into "totally in love with". Cene asked Domen, if he realized, that he is totally in love with Daniel. I'm sorry for that mistake and hope, now it makes more sense. Well, here it is: chaper 27. Domens reaction on Cenes statement. Hopefully without such big mistakes. (Sorry, I know it's exhausting, reading something with such high error rate.)   
> And that's why I wanted to say Thank You for every Kudo! 
> 
> Aurora - Runaway  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d_HlPboLRL8

Wind gusts whipped impatiently through the jumper’s accommodation. Made sure that hats and caps left their ancestral heads and numerous pieces of paper made attempts to escape because they had been only carelessly weight down. Although the sun shone with all its might, the wind made the people of Bergisel shiver. Reminding them, despite the lack of snow, that it was winter. The responsibles of the competition ran back and forth, observing weather forecasts, feverishly discussing the upcoming competition.

The athletes tried to defy the wind. Tried not to be influenced by the tension you could feel in every corner of the accommodation. Despite half-frozen noses, they warm up, repeatedly shaken by the icy wind, which pearced through any material with ease.

Even in the containers you could feel the effects of the storm. The clinking of the windows when a gust was pressed against the metal wall. The howling that you could hear when the cold air squeezed through the narrow doorway.

Impatient, Domen ran back and forth in the fully occupied container of the Slovenians. Domen wanted to jump. He had to jump. Again and again, he glanced at the door, under which the flooring material rose and fell at irregular intervals, as the door was pushed open from the outside.

"Fucking storm," was the first thing Goran grimly said as he trudged into the cabin, followed by Nejc and an icy draft. "We're trying it. Trial round and then competition. Start is in an hour. Preparation is running. After the first trial jumpers, we know what to expect. But if I look at it that way, the slope will be mirror-smooth and the air movements unpredictable. "

"That means everything as always. Prepare, keep warm. It's going to be a long tough day, "Nejc summarized carelessly.

Goran nodded darkly, studying them one by one. "Get out of here now. Warm up, "Goran barked into the silence. Frantically they jumped up. Domen, relieved not to be doomed to wait any longer, hurried to his clothes, donned his hat full of élan and was already on the way to the door, as Goran whistled him back.

"What ?!" he snapped as he heard his name. Goran darkened his eyebrows. The vein on his forehead pulsed menacingly.

"Um ... I mean ... what can I do for you, Goran?", Domen hastily corrected himself, trying to keep out the displeasure of his facial expressions and gestures that he has been carrying since yesterday evening. Cene, standing in the back of their coach, escaped a mischievous giggle. The first on this day. Before, he had been busy with ignoring Domen. Cene didn’t like being laughed at.

"Do you need an extra invitation?" Goran snapped impatiently at the older Prevc brother, whose smile disappeared almost immediately. Instead, it appeared maliciously on Domens face again. They all knew that there was an extra round in the weight room included if you need an extra invitation.

Blindly Cene reached for his jacket and hurriedly left the Slovenian team container. The silence that entered as the door shut seemed more than overwhelming to Domen. The hiss of the gusts intensified his inner restlessness. Even though he'd just dismissed Cene's words with his laugh and put them in the 'Are you kidding or did you take too many pills?' category, he simply couldn’t get them out of his head. They didn’t leave him alone. Forcing him to ascertain again and again that they were stupid. Restless, Domen began waving his gloves around, flicking them sideways against his thigh.

"Are you okay, boy?" -

"Sure." What shouldn’t be okay, please? Everything was as usual with him. In contrast to Cene. In the recent past, brain activity has been cabled wrong in Cenes head.

"You know, you can talk to us anytime. If it gets too much for you. You’re seventeen. That's no shame, "Goran continued talking awkwardly, keeping a close eye on his protégé. 

Defiantly, the young Slovenian crossed his arms. He had to stop it. Everyone had to stop. He had quarreled with Daniel. Was angry at the Norwegian. That could happen. And if everyone stopped asking, he wouldn’t feel so overwrought. He wouldn’t go crazy right away. He wasn’t overwhelmed. That was nonsense. Cene's words were nonsense. "I know it's no shame to be seventeen and jumping such a good season."

"Domen ...", Goran breathed deeply, before recalling which one of them the adult was: "I know, a lot has happened during the tournament. There's been a lot of media talk about you, and I know you want to prove to everyone that they're wrong about their statements, "Goran said, far too considerate for Domen's taste. Only the damn red sofa was missing! "But that's not possible if your head is only focused on finding a way to do that. You lose the focus on the essentials! "

"But I'm fully focused!" Domen objected indignantly. He had spent most of yesterday evening in a sweaty session in the weight room. It had gotten him out of bed about five o'clock this morning and he had gone jogging. What wasn’t focused on that?!

"Yes, but on what? I'm telling you, you've started thinking too much, rather than simply following your feelings, "Goran diagnosed.

"I didn’t start thinking," Domen snorted indignantly. He hadn’t thought about Cene's words because they were nonsense. He didn’t think about Daniel because he just threw everything away. He didn’t think about his feelings, because there was simply nothing to think about. He didn’t know what it was all about again. "I just have trouble adjusting to the hills," added Domen from the inexplicable feeling of having to justify to Goran and himself. Bad-tempered, he stared at the window, hoping that Goran would soon come to the important part of their conversation.

"I’m sure that both is connetcted with each other. That's why we should... "Goran began when Domen was distracted by Daniel.

Daniel, whom he could perfectly watch through the window. He just jumped out of the Norwegian container. Laughing, he slapped one of his teammates on the back. Who was amused with Anders or rather was giggling over Anders, who stood by with a tormented face. As if yesterday had never exist. Furiously, Domen pressed his lips together. Another proof that Cene was wrong. He couldn’t have had a crush on him. He was too angry for that. Far too disappointed.

"… think of. Okay? ... Domen? ... Domen! "-

"Hmm? What? Um ... I mean ... yes ... sure. Whatever you say, "Domen said, distracted, unable to keep his attention on Goran. Daniel stood in the sun, the wind tugging on his hair, which for once he hadn’t hidden under his hood, and began to warm up in front of his eyes. Laughing at someone.

Disappointed, Domen realized that he obviously missed Daniel more than the Norwegian did. Their argument didn’t bother him at all. But everything Daniel can do, he could do better, stated Domen grimly, feeling much safer about giving his anger priority over anything else. He had only been honest, and if Daniel couldn’t handle it, than it was the problem of the Norwegian and not his. Just like Cene's delusions. Not his lunatic asylum. Or?

"Then go warm up now. Nejc will come with the rest of the information, " interrupted Goran Domens thoughts as his eyes fell on the young Slovenian's hands. "And stop killing your gloves, boy! I've told you before, that we don’t have an infinite amount of resources, "Goran ranted indignantly, slamming the door behind him. Left Domen alone with himself.

Outside, Daniel looked up, confused. Peeked for a brief moment through the window, which left Domens heart a pause, because the Norwegian nailed it. Because their eyes crossed. Because Domen forgot his anger and wanted to storm outbound to talk to Daniel. To hear his voice. To see his laugh.

_You already realized that you're totally in love with Daniel, right?_

Startled, Domen turned away. Stared at his cell phone lying on his bag. He would know if he had a crush. And even more so, if he would have a crush on Daniel. Domen slumped down on the bench and stared at the wall opposite. Cene's words and Daniel's eyes shook him. Shaking up small, quiet doubts he was always been able to dismiss with ease. But since yesterday, that wasn’t that easy anymore.

No, he called himself to order once more, he just missed his friend. Everything had been better with Daniel. That was the great thing about a friendship. Or not?

To distract himself, Domen picked up his cell phone and opened the Internet browser. Daniel smiled at him. _That might interest you_ , was standing there. No, it didn’t. He was angry. He emphatically pushed all the articles aside until he had only the search line in front of him. He would know it.

OR?

Domen stared at the blinking cursor. With nothing but emptiness in the head and a hurricane in his stomach. Then he started to type slowly: _Am I gay?_ Didn’t notice that he was holding his breath. Totally upright sitting on the bench, he clicked _Search_ while his pulse shot up. Quickly he scanned the results:

_Help! Am I gay? - That may well be that you are gay. Wouldn’t be so bad. Or it may just be that it is just a phase or you want to gain experience. - Sexually confused: am I gay because I dream of sex with ... - my first time._

In a flash, Domen scrolled up again. Endeavored to bring his heartbeat under control again. He put his cell phone aside and stared at the wall. Listened to the wind whistling around the container, finding its way through window and door slots.

"Shit!" He hissed into the silence. Called himself to order. Cene made him crazy! Cene was totally off the track. If he thought about it, it was less than a track, because at least it led somewhere. Cene, on the other hand, was on one of these deserted islands. Far away from any realities. Treatable only with medication. Determined, Domen took his cell phone, clicked on the first entry: _Am I gay? Personality Test._ He would prove it to himself and everyone else. Then he could leave this nonsense behind himself and could continue being angry with Daniel.

 _You think you are gay and finally want an answer? Then you're in the right place!_ Domen read with satisfaction before attending to the first question:  
 _What is your favorite color? Black / brown; Red Yellow; pink light blue._

 _Red / yellow_ , the young Slovenian admitted. That was easy. Next question:

_Are you in love with a boy?_

_I have feelings for him, but I do not know how strong they are. / Yes, that's why I'm doing the test. / No._

_No_ , he logged in, barely that he had finished reading the question. He didn’t have to think about that, thought Domen, jumping hurriedly to the next question. He didn’t have time the whole day.

_What do you like to drink?_

_Water; Fanta / Cola / Sprite / Energy Drinks; Tea._

The question was also easy to answer: _tea._ Even if he didn’t quite know what that had to do with his real concern.

_Have you ever had something with a boy?_

_Yes, but it wasn’t good. / Ih! No! / Yes, and I really liked it._

Heat flooded Domen.

No, that was ... It was... that didn’t matter. He had never had anything with a boy. That was- no. He didn’t like it. This feeling. It played mind games with him, but it wasn’t ... Not disgusting. Just ... interpenetrating. Straight to the marrow. It hadn’t left a millimeter of him untouched. Had dug up everything. Like this damned storm. No stone left on the other. A picture of devastation that Domen had painstakingly reassembled. That couldn’t be good, right?

 _Yes, but it wasn’t good_ , Domen chose quickly, turning fast to the next question:

_Which console / game platform do you prefer?_

_X Box (Microsoft); Sony Playstation; Nintendo Wii._

Frowning, he stared at the screen, answering all the other questions he was asked, though he thought that some of them were more than dubious. Where was the connection between his favorite ice cream and homosexuality? After a felt eternity, he came to the last two questions:

 _Do you know someone who is gay? Yes, and I like him / find him correctly._ At least that's how it was, Domen thought sourly, as he typed in the answer. But actually that didn’t matter. He just wanted to prove that he wasn’t gay.

_The last question ... Are you afraid of the result?_

_Yes. / If I'm gay ... so what? / No, I know that I'm not gay._

_No, I know that I'm not gay_ , Domen entered his answer, just ignoring the slight shaking of his hand. Anything else was out of the question. Cene suffered from loss of reality. Consumption, whatever. But he couldn’t be right. He had always seen himself with a family in the future. With a girlfriend. Just average. He would’ve noticed if a man had stood next to him in his very distant dream for the future.

Grimly, Domen pressed " _Evaluate_ ". The dots circled for half an eternity before his result appeared:

_To 40% you are: You are .... what you are. These 10 questions were totally unnecessary. Either you are seriously thinking or just taking this test for fun._

Outraged he read the lines in front of him: What should that be? He hadn’t done the test to get such a result! Of course he was what he was! But the question was: what exactly was he? Namely not gay. With growing anger in his stomach, Domen read on:

_Gay you can’t specify on what you like to eat, what favorite color you have, what you like to listen to and and and .... Therefore, on all male heterosexuals: Just because you like pink you arn’t gay._

"No! For real? Such a waste of time ... you should sue them ... ", Grumbling, Domen continued to scroll down, hoping to find something helpful to prove that Cene was more then dead wrong:

_If you notice and feel that you’re gay then don’t block everything immediately. Let it come to you and accept the feelings first. Try to meet a boy. Really, try it! And if you realize: Okay that was nothing, then maybe it was just a phase._

Blocking. Accepting. To accept feelings. That sounded as helpful as the seemingly dead therapy with Andrej! Or Gorans: Listen to your feelings. Where he always preached, he should act more deliberately. And he wasn’t the one who blocked something. He had factually and, above all, extensively discussed with himself every aspect, which had come to his mind. Try it ... such a nonsense! You shouldn’t have to try anything. You should know it. Wasn’t there a checklist? One that made more sense than this nonsense? And what would that look like? He couldn’t walk through the world and kiss everyone!

_If you are quite sure that you are gay then congratulations! You're thinking about it and that's a good thing. Allow yourself time to process everything._

TO PROCESS? Yes, he actually had to process this waste of time. What should that be? Angrily, he threw his cell phone aside, which crashed loudly to the floor as the door of the container opened almost at the same time.

"Just forgot something," Cene grumbled, digging his gloves out of his backpack. "Shouldn’t we warm up?" He snapped.

"I'm warming up," Without hesitation, Domen pointed out to the heater behind him. Cene should disappear again. He couldn’t handle Cene in his current chaos. Where he had just managed to recover from his nonsense and thrown him on the rubbish heap of oblivion. At least they had already been in the garbage press and been on their way there. Nearly.

"And you don’t hide, because Daniel was out there all the time?" Cene commented snidely and saw Domen hesitate as he tied his shoelaces. "Do you want to talk about it?" Cene asked, sitting next to his brother.

"Yes, I ..." Domen nodded slowly. "This isn’t any nonesene, Cene. And without treatment ... "

"Treatment?! Are you crazy? You can’t treat that! That's not a disease! That's ... normal, "Cene countered upset.

"Oh, Cene," Domen sighed sadly, burying his head in his hands. "Have you talked to Mom and Dad? I'm sure they'll do whatever they can to help you fight your paranoia, "Domen stroked his older brother reassuringly.

"Nice try," Cene abruptly withdrew his arm from Domen and jumped up. "And because of me, you can continue to laugh at me or even make fun of me or whatever else comes to your mind, but I know what I know-" -

"So, as always, nothing." -

"I beg you! Pull yourself together! You're gay. So what? What does Daniel say about that? Did you already tell him? Did you argue because of that? "Cene asked busily and Domen almost laughed out loud.

"No," Domen hissed loudly. "I'm not ... gay," he added quietly, really having to pull himself together, not stuffing Cene his mouth, so that he finally stopped talking.

"Oh, come on ... you've been behaving strangely the entire week. You were always absent. In the car ... I knew that you must have a crush. I just didn’t understand why you stonewall like that. And then I had a nice chat with Peter on our day off. Quarrel with Daniel, your new best friend. Come on! The breakfast yesterday? I beg you! You were fuming! Jealous because of this blonde, "Cene began relentlessly enumerating. "Your idleness yesterday? The water battle? Honestly, you were so cute together. Everywhere nothing but flying hearts and violin choirs. You would have to be blind- "

"Stop it!" Domen jumped up headlessly. "I'm so sick of all this nonesense! Honestly! I don’t care about Daniel, got it? Nice! Then we can warm up now. "

Cene had no idea. That wasn’t right, Domen thought upset. Determined, he pulled on his jacket, rummaged for his headphones, which had knotted with the hotel key.

Cene stood silently, watching his brother, shaking his head. Then he spotted the phone on the floor, which Domen needed for the headphones and picked it up with a sigh. He knew when it made no sense to continue discussing with Domen. "You shouldn’t always treat your stuff like-" Began Cene as he turned the phone over and automatically stared at the brightly lit screen. " _Am I gay- The evaluation?_ " Cene read in astonishment.

"Give it back now!", Domen darting at Cene, ripping the phone from his hand and wanted to close immediately all open browser. As that didn’t work out right away, because his cell phone was obviously hang from the fall, he thumped on it like a madman.

"Shortly you’ll have a cell phone with a hole" -

Irritated, Domen looked up. "Am I snooping through your collection of cat pictures?"

"I didn’t snoop. The key lock wasn’t work- "the older Slovenian started to justify himself when he interrupted himself again. "Does that mean you are unsure?"

"That you suffer from paranoia? No, I’m pretty sure, actually. I just told you, "Domen stonewalled and tore open the door of their container. He had to get out of here right away. Fresh air. He felt cramped inside.

Ice-cold wind blew in his face, while the sun promised deceptive warmth. Two prejumpers, whose names he didn’t know, ran by. They greeted each other warmly and Domen ran outside. Staring straight ahead, he heard Cene rushing after him as he wound his way through the jumper’s accomodation.

"But if you ... are unsure, then ... just talk to someone who is ga-" -

Suddenly, Domen stopped, causing Cene to crash into him. "Football tennis?" Domen suggested. They stood in front of the material container, where skis, equipment of the ski technicians, but also balls and different hurdles were stored for warming up.

"What? Um ... yeah, "Cene replied confused, following his brother into the dark container. "Or you try out a bit. You could ask Daniel if he sacrifices himself, "Cene winked mischievously and clearly took too much pleasure in his idea.

"Where do they have the balls?" Domen mused, while rummaging loudly on the shelves to dispel the goose bumps that spread throughout his body. Slowly he lost the ground under his feet. A gust of wind blew withered leaves into the container, doing whatever he wanted with them. All his senses were back in Garmisch. Were hearing soft splashes of water, were smelling the loamy scent of the earth and were feeling soft skin on his.

"Daniel would definitely be a great human guinea pig. He can hardly refuse something anyone anyway. Imagine, "Cene lowered his voice and kept his eyes on his younger brother. "You and him together in a small storage room of the hotel."

"Yesterday they were here… somewhere," Convulsively Domen searched and concentrated completely on the used handkerchief that was at the back of the shelf. Even so, the words squeezed into his brain. 

"He buries his hands in your hair, pulling you slowly towards him. Withal you look each other in the eye. The air around you begin to crackle, "Cene continued relentlessly, noticing that his words were doing something to Domen. He stepped close behind his brother, so he couldn’t escape and lowered his voice to a soft whisper.

"I know ... I mean, I saw them ... yesterday," Domen tried desperately to defend himself against the images that began to build in his head.

"Not even a sheet of paper fits between you. You can feel his warmth. Wherever you touch, it tingles. The only thing you can think about are his lips. You want to feel them, taste him. "

Domen was getting hot. He had arrived at the end. At the end of the shelf. There was only one gray wall left that couldn’t stop Cene's words ... Desperately, he tried to remember the myriad reasons why Cene simply wasn’t right. Why he couldn’t be like that. His hands, busily digging up the shelves, hung needlessly down his sides, even the wind that could have drowned Cene's words stopped for a moment.

There were only himself and Daniel. In his head. Together. Closely entwined. In a scary vortex.

"And then he leans down to you, presses his lips against yours and everything around you disappears. It's ... like a great soothing nothing in the middle of a furious storm. Your hands are on the move. You want to feel bare skin."

Startled, because Cene touched him on the shoulder without warning, he flinched. A snow shovel crashed to the floor, bringing Domen back. For a moment, the two siblings looked at each other, before Domen turned away completely overwhelmed. The desire to get rid of Cene and never ever to think about what had happened became overpowering. That couldn’t be. Cene couldn’t be right. "Are you done with your soft porn now?"

"I don’t know: Should I continue?", Cene wanted to know with a grin, fishing a ball from the shelf next to him. "I mean… Did you ... feel something? "-

"You mean aside from pity?" -

"Couldn’t you stay serious once in a lifetime? I mean, how else do you want to find out if you are unsure? "-

"There's nothing to find out. You ... are off your head! I didn’t have a crush! I'd know it, if that's how it would be, "Domen insisted obstinately. It just had to be that way!  
"Then you don’t feel the need to be close to him all the time? Didn’t want to kill the Blonde because she drools over Daniel? "Cene began to drill his brother with questions. "So your heart doesn’t beat faster when you see Daniel? Or think about him? "

"No, that ... stop it," Domen demanded, completely overwhelmed. Cene just had to be wrong. He wasn’t like that. Didn’t want to be like that. That didn’t work!

"Then you don’t talk nonsense, if he cloud your mind with his presence? Wouldn’t you do anything to make him laugh? "

Crap! Domen faltered. His heart stopped. No. He was angry. And even before he registered what he was doing, the door of the container crashed in the lock and the key in it turned on its own.

"Domen? ... Haha, really funny. I got it, okay? You can let me out now. Domen? Are you there? Domen! That's not funny! "Cene shouted, banging on the door with his fists from inside, because the door didn’t open. 

Domen stumbled back a few steps before his self-preservation instinct took over and he began to run. Trembling he wriggled through the jumper’s accomodation. Past Jakub Janda, whose greeting he ignored. Past a group of VIP spectators, whom he punished with disregard. Blindly, he turned right when he saw a neon-green jacket in front of him, because he couldn’t face anyone now.

Breathing heavily, he found himself in a dead end again. Turned. He kept running because he couldn’t stand it otherwise. Balled his hands into fists. Flew through the light and shade of the trees. He didn’t have a crush. They were friends. Ran with the clouds in the sky. Cene had become obsessed by his ideas. Somewhere, the perfect girl existed for him. Hurried past whipped puddles. With blond hair ruffled by the wind and hopeless green eyes that would take his breath away. Ignored the breathtaking gusts of wind. Daniel was his friend. His buddy. Ignored the tweaking on his cold skin. One didn’t like to see his friends unhappy. Or? Ignored his lungs, which began to protest as a result of the cold. The tensions between them were caused by Daniel. Because he had fallen in love with him for some unknown reason. And not the other way around. Ignored the birds in the sky, who fought with all their strength against an invisible power and yet lost. Daniel had changed the rules of the game. Without warning. That's why he was insecure. That's why everything was-

"Ow!" - "Damn!"

Terrified, Domen stared at the person he had jostled. Then he turned around. Ran on. Heard fast footsteps, which followed him further into the forest. Then he was grabbed by the arm and torn around. The storm had turned the forest into a roaring sea.

"What was that?", The Norwegian's eyes flashed furiously.

"What?" Domen asked confused from the small gap between them and Daniels grip on his arm. 

_Not even a sheet of paper fits between you. You can feel his warmth. Wherever you touch, it tingles._

Daniel snorted angrily. He wouldn’t let himself be pushed around any longer. Neither literally nor figuratively. Daniel could deal with the constant stealing glances during breakfast buffet, but that went clearly too far. "Was that intentionally? Or don’t you think it's necessary to apologize to someone like me? "

"No, I mean - of course. I um, "Domen babbled through his cotton candy in his head. How should he explain it? The mess in his head? How was he supposed to explain to Daniel that everything had been mixed up? That he couldn’t think clearly? _Try to meet a boy. Really, try it!_ Daniel held him tight. _The only thing you can think about are his lips. You want to feel them, taste him._

"Is everything okay?" Daniel asked suspiciously. Recognizing, that Domen stared at him like a deer in the spotlight. "Domen? Are you sick? Do you need a doctor? "Daniel let go of him to pull his cell phone out of his pocket.

"I ...", he stared at Daniel. Didn’t know what was happening right now. Why he felt so damned lost just because Daniel had brought space between them. Daniel, to whom he just wanted to be angry, because he was ready to throw away their friendship for no reason. Daniel, who tookaway his stability and rescued him at the same time. From the beginning. He hadn’t liked Daniel. How the Norwegian had treated him. Then they were on their way to becoming best friends. Nothing in his head made sense anymore. This couldn’t be explained, even if he really tried. He didn’t want Cene to be right. Hastily, he grabbed the Norwegian.

Pulled him close and immadiatly became calm. Stopped thinking while he stroked hesitantly with his fingers over Daniel's cheeks, traced the line of his lips before his hands buried itself in Daniel's hair. 

"What are you doing?" Whispered Daniel helplessly confused, unable to retreat even a millimeter. Enjoying Domen’s touches, he yearned for more.

That’s how they stood there: two men, close embraced in the middle of a stormy forest, until Domen hesitantly kissed Daniel and bringing his hitherto laboriously preserved world view to implod finally and irrevocably in a single second.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's it. I hope, I didn't promised too much the last time. It's one of my favourite chapters.


	28. Daniel - Innsbruck - Day of competition

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Giant Rooks - Bright lies  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cm2RgfwFZDg

Absently, he stared at the mountain range directly in front of him. Clouds had caught in the mountain peaks. He took another deep breath and ignored the icy air that passed through him. One last time, Daniel checked to see if his helmet was in place and the binding was properly rigged. He adjusted his goggles, and stared at Alex on the trainer's tower, and waited. A brief grin crossed his face. Then he saw the Norwegian flag sink and he pushed off. Was getting carried away by the speed, the adrenaline that flowed through his veins. Sharpened each of his senses. And though his lips were already numb because of the icy wind, he could still feel the tingling sensation.

_Uncertain, hands ran through his hair. Got caught up in them. Sent shivers down his back. Dazed, Daniel let himself be pulled down until Domens lips were clumsily pressed against his. They took him the air to breathe. Brought butterfly swarms to fly. Gently, Daniel opened his lips and deepened their kiss. Hesitantly he let his hands wander, to press the Slovenian a little closer to his body, while the icy wind unsuccessfully dragged at their bodies._

Wide-eyed his eyes he stared at the take-off, which came closer and closer every tenths of a second. He had to hold himself back, had to wait for the right moment. Then he felt the increasing pressure. Felt that his entire body was pushed into the radius while at the same time feeling that he was riding uphill. That was the sign. The edge firmly in view. Now he could allow his body to push off. To catapult himself into the air. To fly. To lose the ground under his feet.

_A branch crashed to the ground. Startled, Domen and Daniel darted apart. Stiffened, breathing heavily, as reality struck them. Panic lay in Domens expression. Taken by surprise, Daniel stared back. "You ... kissed me," he exclaimed in disbelief. He touched his lips with his hands as if checking to see if what had just happened wasn’t just some crazy fantasy._

_"I have to go." -_

_"What? Domen! No! Wait! " He yelled after Domen, wanted to hold the Slovenian back, because he had to know what that meant. "You can’t just run away and leave me!" He started to run. Run after his neon-green hope. Fully pumped with adrenaline. Like a firework that had been thwarted in the middle of the explosion._

_Gusts of wind whipped him in the face. Cursing Daniel tried to boost his legs, because in the headwind it felt like, he didn’t move from the spot._

_And just as Daniel wanted to scream through the forest again, he saw a red jacket flashing between the tree trunks. Reminding him, that everyone could hear. That everyone could have seen them. Frustrated, Daniel let Domen run away from him, although he had just burst his hope, which was buried under cement, with a single kiss. Without asking Daniel if he really wanted that. Uncertain Daniel looked around, while his heart was running a marathon._

Full of risk, Daniel leaned forward. Opened his skis. Leaned himself against the wind, which would give him wings. He stretched his arms slightly backwards to keep his balance. To not tilt forwards and do a crash landing. It was roaring in his ears. His pulse, the wind, the dull roar of the crowd fused with each other. Relentlessly, he kept his system closed. Determined not to get out of his rhythm.

_"How do you come up with the idea to start this competition?!", Sullenly Anders threw his skis into the corner. He didn’t care about the cameras around them. His trial round was anything but good. The combination of tailwind and Innsbruck made Anders always discomfort._

_Shivering, Daniel pulled the zipper of his jacket up to his chin. Searching the crowd for neon green jackets. Everything was unreal. Every time he was unsure of not having dreamed, he unconsciously searched with his eyes for Domen. In the jumper’s accommodation. In the lounge. Outside on the drain. Down in the spout._

_Paralyzed. Insecure. Scratch up. Woozy._

_Shocked. Agitated. Shy. Evasively._

_Somewhere in the middle they crossed each other. Right into the heart, when Domen turned away and left Daniel behind with the certainty that he hadn’t dreamed. Then he had to fight the urge to grab Domen. To confront him. To keep going on where they left off. Everything passed him by. Like a movie. He couldn’t just leave it that way. He didn’t want it. The right time. He was waiting for the right time._

_"Infected with madness?" Daniel suggested, shouldering his skis. He didn’t want to spend the rest of the trial passage in the jumpers area. There had already been countless interruptions during the trial round. The gusts of wind did with them, what they wanted. He should focus on himself, not on the other jumpers. Alex had told him that. Don’t think. As if he didn’t know that himself. He knew what would happen if he would start to think. What happened if? What if Domen-? No. He forbade himself to think ahead._

_Together they went back. "Should be a widespread phenomenon," muttered Anders next to him, as they saw Silje from afar, who was just engrossed in a conversation with Andreas._

_"Oh, come on. It won’t become that catastrophic, " Sighed Daniel, as his gaze rest on a neon-green jacket right in front of him. Domen strode with a ball in his hand into one of the many secluded corners._

_"Yes, because it gets a lot worse. Honestly, that's a really stupid idea. The stupidest there has ever been and will ever be, "Anders said gruffly, too busy with his own misfortune that he didn’t notice that Daniel attention already was somewhere else._

_"We talked that out," The blond Norwegian remarked distractedly. Ventured a look into the small alley. Domen played football. Alone. Against a wall. With his hands buried deep in the pockets of his jacket. He had heard Goran speak to this Thiessen. Domen had never jumped as aggressively as in the trial round. Goran Janus would have liked to hold his hand in front of his eyes during his jump._

_"You talked that out," Anders muffled beside him. "Anyways what does Silje expect? Unfortunately, my garden pavilion, surrounded by roses and ivy, isn’t available at the moment, " Added the older Norwegian snappily._

_"Sounds great" -_

_"What? Didn’t you just listen to me? "-_

_"Of course. Garden pavilion. A lot of flowers. I don’t know if Silje will wait until spring, but that's a great approach, "Daniel patted his friend on the shoulder. "Hey, um. I have to do something ... uh ... " Before he thought it over. Or Domen noticed him. He just had to know. He had to hear it. By him. "Can you take my skis? Oh-and that reminds me on something: maybe not too many flowers. Silje thinks badly of cut flowers. She call them transience in vases or was it death in vases? Anyway, she doesn’t like cut flowers, "he said leaving his friend with his skis alone._

_Nervously Daniel looked around, before slipping into the small alley he saw Domen disappear few seconds ago. His heart and the ball Domen were playing with hit the wall in unison. Domen hadn’t noticed him yet, the loud roar from the stadium was carried up to them by the wind. Drowned the crunching sound under Daniel's feet, which could have warned Domen. "Why did you do that?"_

_Startled, Domen spun around. The ball, which had just hit the wall, rolled unnoticed past Daniel._

_"I-er ... Chrm. I'm not like that. "Domen stared defiantly at Daniel. Crossed his arms like a child. Or was he holding on to himself?_

_"What arn’t you?", The blond stares motionless at the younger. Shivering in the wind._

_"Homophobic or in love with Silje," Domen blurted out, catching Daniel's gaze. Challenged him to contradict him._

_"What?" Daniel blurted out in confusion because he had no idea what that had to do with the kiss. Why Domen had behaved so strangely. Had clinged to him as if he were his anchor. He had only one hope he didn’t want to verbalize for fear of what it would do to him if he allowed that hope to become reality and Domen would just destroy it._

_"I’m not homophobic. That's what you blame me the other day. Why I'm not supposed to be able to handle you" The Slovenian added as Daniel's brain slowly assembled the puzzle._

_"Wait a minute ... Will you seriously tell me, that... That's why you’ve- ?!" Daniel stared dumbfounded at the wall behind because his hands desperately wanted to lie themselves around Domens neck._

_"Ehm ..." Nervously, Domen aimed his beanie. Dared barely to look at Daniel. "You- How else could I convince you otherwise?!", asked the Slovenian stubbornly, while still giving his voice a reproachful sound. As if Daniel was to blame for everything._

_"And there you thought - wait. No. Because if you had thought about, you never- Crap! Can’t you even think before you take action? "Snapped Daniel at Domen. Angry, because Domen had kissed him, even though he knew it. Angry, because Domen had let him hope against his will. Angry, because he couldn’t hold back this hope. Angry, because he stood there, once again, and all his hopes were taken from him._

_"You mean, the way you communicate, when something bothers you?" Domen exclaimed, because it was the only way to stop thinking about what had happened._

_"That isn’t the point. You can’t just run around and- "_

_"Daniel! Here you are! ", Excited Tom burst into the small alley. "Kamil fell! Apparently, it got his shoulder, "he continues babbling without registering the tension between Domen and Daniel, who had hastily moved a few steps apart._

_"What?" - "Shit."_

_"Yes. He is being examined. Everyone is very tense, "Tom chattered on. "I mean, more than before. Alex is looking for you. He just drilled us all again, because the slope is that smooth. Oh, and because we should stay away from the material container. The lock seems to be broken. Someone was accidentally locked up."_

He flew over the hillside. Towards the cauldron. Shot out in confidence as he realized it was pushing him against the slope. The wind tried to knock him out of balance and made him sway easily. He gently corrected his course with the help of his arms so he wouldn’t land too early on the landing slope. He forced himself to stay calm. To remember that he wasn’t allowed to be disturbed by that. That he had to keep his course. That he had to fight and not just to give up.

_"She will kill you. I hope you know that. And what's worse, me too. In a cruel way. She will slit me with the steak knife, peel off my skin with a fish knife and then use the chopsticks to pick all my organs out. She is exhausting. Insufferable. You owe me something, I hope that is clear to you. "Anders sat next to Daniel in the warm-up room of the jumpers. He barely moved his mouth as he silently painted Daniel the most horrible scenarios. Takeuchi next to them darted worried glances at the Norwegian again and again. With his soft murmurs and scowl, he looked like someone who was exorcising._

_Darkly, Daniel ignored his best friend. Let him talk. The head full of Domen, whom he watched from the corner of his eyes. Who persistently ignored Daniel. It was ice age. It was a miracle that the room temperature was still over twenty degrees plus._

_Surly, Daniel watched as Domen got up, took his skis off the wall and marched outside, slamming the door nearly in Markus Schiffners face, who had wanted to follow him directly. Snorting Daniel turned away. That was just typical Domen, he thought as he met Anders astonished eyes. "Do you want to explain something to me?"_

_"Already done with nagging?" Daniel countered eagerly. Knowing that he took his anger about his disappointment out on Anders. He had guessed it. Had tried to restrained the hope. Had himself forbidden to think. Only this one stupid feeling he wasn’t able to switch off._

_"Let's go for a walk. It'll take a while, "Anders pulled Daniel up from his seat, who reluctantly followed the older Norwegian._

_"I listen," Anders said as they walked through the emptied corridor of the restaurant at the jumping tower._

_"Domen kissed me to prove that he has no problems with ... my preference of neon green. I mean ... Why?! "Daniel vented his anger as Anders opened his mouth in surprise. And closed it speechless one moment later._

_"You can’t be left unattended for a moment without being kissed," Anders shook his head._

_Angrily Daniel falshed at Anders, who immediately pulled himself together. "Okay, from the beginning: he kissed you."_

_"Yes. In the forest. Before the trial passage. He ran into me and... It was weird ... and then he looked at me ... and ... "Daniel swallowed. But the memory brought him completely out of his concept. Let him thirst for more. Made him hurt, because he couldn’t have more. Let his anger rise on Domen, because he had brought him into this situation with his act without due consideration._

_"So… He has kissed you and has said: You see? I don’t have a problem kissing you, so I'm not homophobic either?! "-_

_"Not quite right. He ran away. After kissing me, without a word. After the trial passage- "_

_"So he trot out you that story? After having enough time to figure out a story? "Anders asked._

_"Well ... yes," Daniel admitted and shrugged._

_"And you drink the Kool-Aid?" Anders pulled his eyebrow up to just below his hairline._

_"Well,- I mean, we're still talking about Domen. He has come up with quite different ideas, "Daniel stuttered as it began to rattle in his brain. Domen had been completely upset when he ran into him. And why didn’t he immediately tell him what he was aiming for? And why had he kissed him on the lips? Why not just a quick kiss? On his cheeks?  
"And you don’t seem to be much smarter if you believe this bullshit ," mocked Anders in disbelief._

_"Hey, we're talking about the same person who regularly sit in parks on the first of April, licking with pleasure at a toilet brush smeared with Nutella and waving happily at passers," Daniel exclaimed in frustration._

_"This is…-" -_

_"Tasteless."_

_"I wanted to say 'pretty smart', but that's not the point. You can’t give up now. I mean, that's nonsense he told you. You said you caught him on the hop the first time he registered that you had feelings for him. Maybe it got him on the hop again, because the knowledge has seeped through his cement skull, that maybe he likes you a little bit more? "Anders suggested._

_"I don’t know ...", Daniel tore his hair, because everything was so complicated. Because he was afraid to fall back into that hole if he kept holding on to his hope.  
"And you won’t never know if you let him off the hook now. It can’t hurt to just ask nicely again, "Anders grinned mischievously. "And if he really was serious with that bullshit, you can still kill the pighead afterwards."_

The green line appeared below him. He kept his goal firmly in sight. Didn’t think about why the line appeared so high up in the hillside. He just flew over it. Then the ground came closer. He was preparing for the landing. Focused. Calm. Daniel spread his arms, placing his skis into the snow, which almost immediately pulled him apart. With all his strength, he prevented a fall, only marginally heard how the crowd was noisy. His ears were roaring. Full of adrenaline, he drove up the landing slope. A smile crossed his lips as he unbuckled his skis. It reminded him of Domens kiss. The tingling everywhere, the happiness. The breath of freedom to be what he wanted to be.

Denis, who was his c.o. partner standing on the mat, turned to him. Congratulated to his good jump. Daniel stared incredulously at the scoreboard. First place with a comfortable lead. In the spout, he accepted the congratulations and recognition for his successful jump despite difficult wind conditions.

Quickly he changed into warmer clothes, looked up at the hill without really catching anything. He would talk to Domen. He had to talk to him. But this time things should be different. With rest, somewhere where they couldn’t be disturbed. Where Domen couldn’t find an opportunity to run away. Domen had reacted in panic to the kiss. But he had already been upset before, Daniel remembered the panic in the eyes of the young Slovenian. Because he wanted to put his insane plan into action? Or maybe he realized that ...? Daniel didn’t dare to think this thought through to the end.

This evening. Tonight, at the hotel he wanted to catch Domen. Until then, he could think about how he wanted to tackle the matter. He needed a bit of reprieve before they talked. And a calming tea from his mother. Because when he was just thinking about the conversation, strange characters worked their way through his stomach. It felt like a swarm of butterflies into which someone had crossed a herd of wild boars.

Daniel shouldered his bag. Anders nodded briefly, who had just come out of the spout and once more threw his skis into the corner. He went to the elevator to get back up to the jumper’s accommodation, where he had to deliver his skis in the wax cabin. Silently he stood in the elevator with the other jumpers. The focus was already on the second round. Slowly they drove up. Past the cauldron where the masses raged with the wind around the bet.

They recognized Stefan Kraft's suit as he flew past them, and they all grimaced as he landed on the ground much too early. Then they turned away. Staring dead ahead lost in thought. Waited patiently until the elevator door opened and released.

With rumbling stomach Daniel went on. Approached his crew container, which stood directly next to the Slovenian’s. Next to Domen. Maybe ... Daniel swallowed. He had allowed it at San. Had raved unrestrainedly. Had Hoped. And suffered.

But Domen had kissed him. Unconsciously, Daniel stroked his lips. Struggling with himself and his hope galloping wildly with his heart. This evening. Without spectators. Without-  
"Gained! Danny, we won!!!!! "Robert jumped on his back and Daniel dropped his skis startled.

"What?" -

"Won! Daniel! So you did. But I'm second. Podium. We both. I'm freaking out!!!! ", beamed Robert, as if he still couldn’t believe it. "The second round was canceled. Didn’t you hear that? "

"No. Um, Wow, "stammered Daniel, surprised as the first jumpers came to him and Robert with congratulations. Even Walter Hofer made his way to them.

"Award ceremony in 15 minutes. I have to go down. The press is waiting. And, um, ah, Cene! "The race director interrupted himself as he spotted the middle Prevc scion in the crowd. "Did you happen to see your brother? Domen? "

"Um ... he's still packing," Cene answered when he arrived. "Congratulations, you two."

"Thanks," Daniel replied, feverishly wondering why Walter Hofer wanted to know where Domen was.

"Okay, then-" the race director began speaking, as one of his walkie talkies announced himself. Daniel struggled to hear what was said, but it sounded urgent. "On the way," Walter replied shortly, before he looked at Daniel again. "Award ceremony in fifteen minutes. See that you've found Domen up to that point and coming down punctually, "The Race Director turned around.

"But why should we find him?", Daniel called confused.

"The yellow jersey. You are the new overall World Cup leader. And due to the fact we have only one, you need to find Domen" Walter replied, as if it was the most natural thing in the world, before he finally disappeared in the crowd, his walkie talkie already in his hand again.

Cene and Daniel stared at each other in surprise. "Um," Daniel cleared his throat nervously. "Could you maybe-?" He asked Cene pleadingly. This evening. Not now. That was all too fast for him now. First, he needed a strategy. 

"You know ...", the Slovenian began slowly, as if he had to weigh every word exactly. "Goran is going to go crazy if we don’t get out of here slowly. And it’s Anže’s turn to load the car... Which is never good, because the half always doesn’t fit in and- I mean… Don’t do any compulsion. The others are already gone. You know where we're staying ... "He patted Daniel on the shoulder before turning around and just disappearing.

Left Daniel, who wasn’t able to think clearly. What was the matter with tonight alone after thinking about his words? He looked around helplessly. But there was no way out. Slowly he started to move. No, he would handle it like a pro. Just trudge into the cabin. Would get the jersey of Domen and go again. Yes. No problem. Just in and out. Quickly. Maybe he was lucky and-

"Congratulations on the victory", Jurij, Jernej and Peter just walked past him fully packed. Clapping him approvingly on the shoulder. Didn’t realize that they had just destroy Daniels hopes without making a big effort.

So Daniel found himself way too fast in front of the Slovenian container. Taking a deep breath before pushing down the latch and just entering. In and out, he reminded himself unfocused as the door behind him crashed into the lock.

"Shall I send you another bouquet of flowers with a 'I'm sorry that I've locked you up' note so you can finally consider yourself satisfight?" Domen grunted without looking up.  
"You have done what?" Daniel said surprised and stared at the Slovenian, who turned around in shock.

"Nothing," Domen hurriedly turned away. Silently Daniel followed each of Domen's movements. "Can I help you?" Domen asked without looking at him.

"Um ..." Daniel started uncertainly. Under a spell, he watched as Domen packed his things, the Slovenian had trouble putting them all in his pocket. And Daniel had really meant to ask only for the yellow jersey. For real. But then he saw the slight trembling in Domens hand. He made him nervous, Daniel realizes astonished. "Is that really true?" -

"That I accidentally locked up Cene?" -

"No. The kiss." -

"Why should I lie to you?" Domen asked hastily, turning away from Daniel again. To his bag. He pulled everything out again, though he had just put them away and began with great eagerness to sort them. Domen even fold his gloves properly.

"Dunno," Daniel instinctively approached Domen, whose back stiffened.

"It was just a kiss, Daniel," Domen repeated stubbornly and Daniel sighed softly. They turned in a circle. "I'm not gay," Domen added firmly.

"I didn’t ask that," Daniel replied simply, because he saw Domen fight with himself. Because this one thing, he didn’t care. Because he just had to hear that it had meant something.

"What did you ask then? What do you want to hear? I ... can’t change that I am the way I am. I can’t undo the last few hours. Just as little as the last days. As much as I want it to. I apologized, okay? " Domen started to run agitatedly up and down in front of him. Brought distance between them while gesturing wildly with his arms. "It was a stupid idea. I am seventeen. You don’t always have the perfectly thought-out master plan at hand as seventeen years old. "

"Believe me, you won’t have it in fifty years, too" Daniel replied with a sad laugh.

"Comforting to know," Domen replied in frustration.

"And I don’t want you to change yourself. Or turn back time. Never, Butterprincess. Just ... don’t lie to me, "Daniel simply said. "Not at that kind of thing."

For a moment the silence became overpowering. Uncertain stood Domen there. Tried to think straight. To find something that he could say Daniel without betraying himself. "I ... Um ...", Started Domen, completely dazed by Daniel. Clumsy, he stood in front of the Norwegian, who was listening intently to every word, keeping a close eye on every movement when the door was torn open from the outside.

"I told you, I saw him go in here!" Yelled Halvor triumphantly to the outside before turning to Daniel, who would like to kill Halvor with the help of the door. Outside, a shuddering Cene emerged, giving Domen a worried look.

"They'll start without you!" Halvor hurriedly tapping his hands impatiently against the door. "Hurry up!"

"Yeah, um ... I'm coming," Daniel replied hastily, running headlong outside.

"The yellow jersey! Honestly, what did you do in here? ", Halvor wanted to know impatiently and if he wouldn't have looked at his watch at that moment, then he would have noticed how the three people who surrounded him winced in sync, exchanging guilty looks.


	29. Domen - Bischofshofen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dihaj - Skeletons  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z_UNpD0AvFc

Domen was caught. _Are you okay, boy?_ Caught up in his tunnel. _Why did you do that?_ With all the faces. _Did you feel something?_ Who were looking at him. _Don‘t lie to me._ Unrelenting. _I'm telling you, you've started thinking too much, rather than simply following your feelings._ Questioning. _Daniel would definitely be a great human guinea pig._ Reproachfully. _Why did you do that?_ They tugged at him. _Is that really true?_ Shouted at him. _Don‘t always block everything!_ In his head. _Did you feel something?_ In every quiet second. _Is that really true?_ Asked for answers. _Don‘t lie to me!_ Getting louder with each moment. _IS THAT REALLY TRUE?_ Become more accusingly. _DON‘T LIE TO ME!_ More demanding. _NOT AT THAT KIND OF THING!_

Breathing heavily, Domen moved his legs. Everything in him longed for rest. He had run so long his lungs started to ache. To scream for oxygen. Almost as loud as the voices in his head. They were spinning. Faster and faster. Tearing him into their vortex against his will. Stubbornly he tried to resist them. Staring at the wall as he set the treadmill one step faster. Tomorrow he would regret it, but he didn‘t care. He had to run after sitting in the car for almost three hours.

With his confused thoughts. With Cene next to him. With Daniel in his head. Without possibility to escape. It drove him mad. The way to Bischofshofen had been like the eternity from which there was no escape. Mercilessly. A labyrinth consisting only of dead ends.

_Just... Don‘t lie to me_ Daniel was standing in front of him. Just looking at him with his request on the lips. A request which was actually so easy. Determined, he increased his pace. His lungs caught fire.

Daniel had no idea! No one had an idea! Although they felt so smart. Peter with his questioning looks, Cene with his super-smart sayings, Goran with his fucking sympathetic tone, and Daniel just standing in front of him. With that stupid request that rattled him more than anything else. They all had no idea.

As if he knew the truth! As if Daniel knew him! Just because he had kissed him! Because Cene had driven him crazy. With his stupid chatter. Because he still felt at a loss, if he thought about Daniels kiss. It couldn‘t be something else. Only then everything made sense. Because of this, he fell uncontrollably down a precipice while he was burning. Because of this he was feeling Daniels lips on his again and again.

_Just … don‘t lie to me. Not at that kind of thing._

He should finally stop! Daniel should stop constantly showing up in front of him. Just looking at him. Going under his skin. What should HE say to that? What else should he do if Daniel stood in front of him like that!? Angrily, he hit the treadmill tap keyboard. Suddenly the speed of the device slowed and Domen first stumbled forward, before his legs were pulled away as he clung to the holders. In an act of acrobatic excellence, Domen succeeded in jumping off the treadmill.

Furious, he stared at the treadmill, which continued unimpressed, while Domen gasped. Angrily, he hit the shutdown button. That didn‘t help. He still heard them. He still saw them.

_Just … don‘t lie to me. Not at that kind of thing._ Begging green eyes just everywhere in the room.

"Arrrrrgh!", He shouted in search of something that would finally give him peace. Every muscle of his body ached. He hadn‘t lied. That was his truth.

What did Daniel ask for? He had never been attracted to a man in his life. Fuck, he hadn‘t even thought of it until Daniel had entered his life. And he didn‘t want to think about it now either. He didn‘t want to think about whether he liked the kiss. Didn’t want to think about whether he wanted more. He had a plan for his life!

And that wasn‘t his fault, he thought grimly as he reached for the 50-pound barbell. Domen heaved it off the pillar and set it down on the mat. Positioned himself, though everything in him protested. He reached for the staff, counting slowly to three. Closed his eyes, opened them again immediately, because the Norwegian didn‘t even leave him the loneliness of the darkness. 

"Are you insane?!" The door slammed shut behind Domen.

Startled, Domen dropped the barbell, which was already hovering a few inches in the air.

"You are all alone here! What do you think, who helps you, if you lose your balance and falls with this thing in your hand or -heaven forbid- on your back? "Peter roared angrily, without waiting for an answer. Peter had had such a bad feeling all day long. Had known that something was wrong.

"I would‘ve been careful," Domen shrugged.

"What's wrong with you? You've been running around like a damned ghost for days! And now that? Pull yourself together again at last!" Peter snapped at his younger brother completely beside himself. Startled by how reckless Domen behaved.

"I should pull myself together? What about you? I'm not standing here screaming like a madman, " Domen hissed angrily. Almost relieved, because Peter made it so easy for him.

"Then turn your brain back on! Start thinking, "raged Peter, brushing a strand of hair out of his face that had dared to break loose from his perfectly hairstyle. "Don‘t always be guided by your temperament! God, we all have problems, Domen, but that's why you don‘t have to let yourself go and jump from one shit to the next! "

Listen to your feelings! Don‘t let them guide you! Think about your actions! Don‘t always bang your head against the wall! Don’t contradict constantly! Tell me if something bothers you! Don‘t always stonewall everything!

"Even Goran is miffed. It would be important for us to pull ourselves together now. You know what the press is writing! They have degraded us to soup chickens. First votes call for Goran's resignation! You‘re too much distracted! Since you're friends with Daniel, that's the way it is! "blamed Peter him. Waited for an answer with crossed arms. 

Domen clenched his hands into fists. Czar Peter the Great stood once more in front of him, had something to complain about everything. The perfect Peter, his brother, who knew everything better. Who was never to blame because he behaved oh so perfectly. Who had his life under control. Who would never mess up his life.

"You are always late. You don‘t take Goran seriously. You’re absent with your thoughts. That doesn ‘t work like this! And now this shit here! "Peter pointed to the barbell behind Domen. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"No idea! But I'm sure you know a lot better what's wrong with me, just like everyone else here. So start telling me! What is wrong with me? What should I do according to your exquisite opinion? "Domen challenged his brother spitefully, because everything tore at him. Furious, he didn‘t let his brother speak. "I'm not like you, Peter! Well, I can‘t smile at all and pretend everything's okay, if it’s not! I want-"

"Ah, I knew that these could only be your lovely voices," the door closed in once again and drew the attention of the two Prevc brothers. "Should I bring a loudspeaker or do you think that those on the top floor understand you that way?"

"Stay out of this!", It sounded simultaneously from the two squabblers.

"At least you agree on something," Cene remarked dryly, leaning against the wall beside the door. "So: Can somebody explain to me, why you're snarl at each other again?"

"Domen is behaving strangely. You admitted that to me yourself, "Peter turned on Cene, who in turn apologized to Domen by shrugging his shoulders. "He wanted to train alone with the damn barbell! What if he loses control? Just look at him! He’s totally exhausted!"

"I'm not!", Domen protested vehemently, feeling increasingly pushed into the corner.

"You can‘t force him to talk, Peter. I- Just give him some time and- "-

"Great! That means you‘re on his side? You will just let him continue like this? "Peter asked incredulously.

"I don‘t stand on any side," Cene emphatically rejected Peter. "It's just ... we all make our own mistakes, "he said as diplomatically as possible.

"But ... he hardly spoke on the way back today! And I can't list all the extra units he has done, "Peter persisted, before turning directly to Domen, who had stood by silently. "Since you're friends with Daniel, something is going wrong with you. That's not normal! I only expressed my concern- "-

"You only expressed your concern?!" Domen interrupted, trying to disguise the whiff of panic in his voice with indignation. "You mean you grumbled at me the way you always do. As you do with any potential disruptive factor in your life that could draw negative attention to you and your shiny armor. As you do with everything that could prove that the perfect Peter is everything, but not perfect, "Domen continued coldly, while Peter became more pale with each word. "Accept it: the times of Peter the Great are over. Your jumps aren‘t working anymore. Goran pats in the dark. The showpiece jumper of the Slovenian team has malfunctions. Doesn‘t work properly anymore. You won‘t be able to lure them forever with your ambition and obedience. At some point Goran even gives-“

"Domen!", Cene hissed horrified, while Peter looked numed at his youngest brother.

"Shove it!," urged Peter past his younger brother and the pop of the door sounded through the silence of the room.

"Are you happy now?" -

"I just said what was needed," Domen defended himself stubbornly as he grabbed his towel and disappeared into the dressing room. Why couldn’t they just leave him alone?

"You mean to distract yourself from your own shortcomings. It's not Peter's fault you can’t handle your life! In the end, you're not better than him! "Cene ran after him. 

"I'm fine, thanks for asking," hissed Domen gruffly, tearing off the sweaty clothes. Pressed past Cene to the showers.

"Just be honest. Peter was right: You behaved strangely all afternoon, since you gave Daniel your jersey. What happened there, Domen? ", Cene bypassed Domens comment.  
Sounded neither angry nor accusatory. Domen wished Cene had shouted at him.

"Nothing! Can we please stop talking about Daniel? He’s irrelevant here. We were talking about Peter! "Domen insisted stubbornly because he didn’t want to think about Daniel again. Because Peter was the perfect distraction. Because everything was heading south.

"Tell me: Do you really believe the crap that you persuade yourself? You were frozen. You looked shocked as you watched Daniel leaving for the award ceremony. You were standing there as if you just had seen your worst nightmare ... as if you had just come back from a war, "Cene tried to find words that could penetrate to Domen as he pulled the shower curtain forward and turned on the water.

If only he had really come back, Domen thought, closing his eyes and hoping he could finally escape. Making everything to stop. "I just didn’t expect to have to cede the jersey," Domen told over the water rush.

"You realize that you can’t run away forever, right? Oh, and locking up will be harder in the long run, too. Somehow, truths always find a way out. And at some point even you'll run out of excuses, "Cene's dark voice urged into the cabin before he heard a door closing and silence settled over the room.

Domen was alone again. Alone with himself. And the voices in his head, louder than ever. He hurried with the shower. Turned off the water. Grab his towel. Stepped into the cool of the room. Hurried into the next room with his things. Wanted to pull the blanket over his head and run. Wanted to forget.

"You are a coward!"

Startled, Domen turned around to look at his brother's bored face. "A miserable scaredy-cat."

"I'm not a coward," growled Domen. Why wasn’t Cene gone? Why could everyone not just disappear? They had to leave him alone. Letting him get back to his senses.  
"Proof it," Cene challenged his brother. "Stop making excuses. Be a fucking man and finally find out what's going on with you and Daniel. "

"I- I don’t need that-"

"Wow, you’re really such a little scaredy bunny? Who prefers to run away instead of fighting? ", Cene looked disinterested at his fingernails.

Until Domen burst with anger. "What should I do!? Can you tell me? I- That isn’t working! I have no answers! "-

"Then get some, instead of just standing there and shruggging your shoulders. Talk to Daniel, with some pastoral care, start meditating if you like and take stock of yourself. Everything would be better than what you are doing now, " Demanded Cene with his patience in the end. "Everything is better than continuing to be the scaredy-cat in your own life while turning everything else into pebbles. Stop lying to yourself!"

_Just … don‘t lie to me. Not at that kind of thing._

Cornered, he stared at Cene standing next to his personal ghost Daniel. The ghost Daniel, who had done nothing, exactly like the real one. Who had made him freeze in all his chaos. Who had taken all arguments and instead given him pure panic. Panic, because he had nothing to offer in reply.

"Crap." Cene was right.

"Can you take this with you? Thanks! ", Domen pressed Cene his sports bag into the hand. Left the room in a hurry, before he could change his mind. Only this time, it would happen according to his rules.

"Wait! But ... What are you going to do now? ", Cene looked confused after his brother.

"Just wait and see. Oh, and I will have a tea.” Domen called back as he took two steps at a time, dashing up the stairs. Only when he was in the foyer of the hotel, he slowed his pace. Uncertainly he run his fingers through his hair and checked if his T-shirt was all right. Then he looked for a place where he could see the entire lobby of the hotel and ordered a fruit tea with honey. Only a few minutes later a tray with a hot cup appeared in front of him. 

Domen nervously buried his teabag in the glass with the steaming liquid. He had a theory. The only one who could be right. He just had to prove it. Concentrating, he leaned forward, grabbing one of those small packaged portions of honey from a small dish that the young woman had parked beside him. Carefully peeled off the plastic and let the honey flow slowly into his tea.

It was calming. It was reassuring to see that there was something that worked up to his expectations. Even if it was just the honey that followed gravity and dissolved in his tea. Left that sweet taste he liked so much.

It reminded him of the time when they were little. If their mother brought them hot tea with honey, because they had mutated to icicles from hours of playing on the hill. Then they sat down in front of the fireplace, a cup of tea in the hand. Often her mother had read to them and everything had been so easy. They had lain on the ground and allowed themselves to be kidnapped into strange worlds.

At that time, it couldn’t been adventurous enough for him.

Still cramped, he leaned back, cuddling a bit deeper into the pillows that lay on the small corner seat. Tried to retrieve this feeling of the healing world. To cling to it for a moment. Domen blew on his tea before he carefully taking a sip of the hot drink. He enjoyed the warmth that flowed through his throat into his agitated belly.

He pulled his legs up, close to his chest, slid lower, so he had a good look ath the foyer. That was important. He wasn’t allowed to miss it, the moment. Had to be prepared for it. Then he would see what would happening, Domen thought, and could tame the tingling in his stomach only with the help of another sip of hot tea.

Domen glanced at the big old grandfather clock next to the reception. They had arrived in Bischofshofen over two hours ago. Two hours was a damn long time. Actually, it couldn’t take much longer. Concentrated, he returned his gaze to the glass door. Stirred in his cup of tea. Staring straight ahead. Prepared for the moment he wanted to experience quite unprejudiced. That was important. Otherwise it wouldn’t work. Would prove nothing. Wouldn’t provide answers for anyone.

_Just … don‘t lie to me. Not at that kind of thing._

Did he lie? While he himself believed in his words? Had believed. Until this moment. _Butterprincess._ Which had made him stagger again. Which always made him stagger. Because he had to think about the kiss. Daniel's kiss. His kiss. Which didn’t fit into his worldview.

Daniel had catch him off his guard. Three times. But this time he was prepared. He owed that to Daniel. To himself. He wasn’t a coward.

This time, there would be no surprising confessions of love, no Cene, who would make him think of that kiss, which drove him crazy. Which made him that insecure that he didn’t even know what was wrong and right. Not a Daniel who would burst him into this mess or serve as a human guinea pig. No Daniel, who had serveing as an experiment that had been falsified from the beginning. When he was with Daniel, he had never had a clear mind, to have a real chance to think about what was going on inside him. There was only this wall folded down, that desire to run.

Tonight, there would only be him and his cool empty head. Without a wall. Nailed down on this bench. And the proof that he hadn’t lied. Well, at least not quite. The kiss was the result of a series of unfortunate developments. Due to his own inadequacy because he didn’t managw to get over the fact that he was kissed by a man. Because the idea caused him discomfort. Because he couldn’t classify his churning feelings or was able to even control them. Because everyone tried to convince him that he was in love, even though he actually knew better.

That's why he was sitting here now. So that Cene finally left him alone. So that he could tell Daniel the truth. He didn’t want to lie to Daniel. Not if the Norwegian looked at him like that. If he said such things. But maybe he hadn’t lied. Maybe he really had told the truth. Or something in between. He had no idea. But Daniel deserved more than that. He owed it to him. After all, he owed him this one honest answer.

The clock's chime brought him back to reality. He pulled the tray of tea a little closer to the corner seat, so he could slip even further down the cushions, without having to sit up himself every time he reached for the steaming cup. Then he looked outside the big window again. Forced himself to count the lights on the Christmas tree right outside the door. To sink into the wild dance of the snowflakes, which looked like a fairy tale in the light of the street lamps. Tried to just let go. To switch off his thoughts. Just to fix on its surroundings. Not to panic again, so that this time he could really approach the whole thing with an unprejudiced attitude.

Black figures barged in between the picturesque-looking flakes, blocking the view of the Christmas tree. Took his breath away. Made his nerves flutter. The glass door was pushed open from the outside and the Norwegian team spilled into the entrance hall of the foyer, which they causing to sink into baggage chaos in no time at all. Again and again the door opened and closed. And every time Domens pulse increased and decreased again.

Everything found its way through that damn door in front of him, only Daniel was nowhere to be seen. But he still had to come. Now he was sitting here. Everything just because of Daniel. He wasn’t a coward. He just had to keep his nerves. That was just Daniel. He just had to look at him from his deep relaxed stadium of being and then he would know. Then maybe he was homophobic. No one was perfect.

Time passed. The hall emptied again. Domens tension increased immeasurable. Why did Daniel have to come later today?! Why had Daniel chosen him? A candle. Two candles, three candles, four candles. Thousands of snowflakes. A car with bright headlights.

Two car doors that were opened and closed. Suitcases that touched the snow-covered ground. Two figures, one with and one without a hood. A trunk which were closed again. Footsteps that were approaching the door. His pulse which shot up. A hand which was resting on the door handle. Heartbeats that penetrated the entire lobby. A laugh that pushed into the room. A heartbeat which hang up. Anders, who entered the room. Domens look, which automatically stuck to Daniel. Daniel, who was pushing the second suitcase into the foyer. Domens breath, which stopped. Daniel, who entered the room, shaking snow from his hair. Thousand butterflies, who flew off. Glances which got caught longingly into each other. Feelings that pierced to the heart. A fateful realization which struck Domen right in the face.

"Crap!"

Panicked, Domen jumped up, tearing the tray on the table with him. Tried frantically to save, what was left to save. Lost, when the cup fell to the ground and broke into a thousand shards, accompanied by the metallic clatter of the tray on the tile floor. Churned up, Domen kneeled on the floor. Gathered the shards on the floor.

Why?

"I am so sorry. I didn’t want that. I- that was just…, " Domen babbled, without interrupting his work, to the shoes that approached him, because it was the only thing, which stops him to freak out. Until a hand grabbed his hand and forced him to pause for a moment.

"Stop!" Of course, it was Daniel, who crouched next to him. Selfless. In spite of everything, Daniel was helping him again. Goose bumps covered Domens arm.

All he was able to do was stare at Daniel, wide-eyed. To stare into his worried deep green eyes, which only turned away for seconds to ask Anders to bring broom and shovel. Eyes which drove him over the edge as they turned back to him. Reminding him that Daniel had only asked him for this one thing, he hadn’t even been able to do. And yet Daniel was just Daniel right now. Here at his side. As if nothing ever happened.

Overwhelmed, Domen jumped up. He just couldn’t stand it any longer and ran out into the cold, because his throat tightened and he couldn’t breathe. Because he realized what he had done. He walked through the still dancing flakes that were so alive and at the same time hypnotic. Blindly, Domen rushed across the parking lot as he heard footsteps that could only belong to one person.

Desperate, he turned around. "Why did you do that ?!", he ran to Daniel impatiently, who stopped in surprise. "Why can’t you even leave me alone?"

"What?" -

"You are not allowed to say such things without having any idea what they are doing with me!" -

"But-"

"I don’t want you to change yourself?! Do you even know what you’re saying? Why should you want that? After I ran away in Garmisch? After everything, I have said to you yesterday? After all, I have done today? And then you’re standing here, in front of me ... and ... and telling me that shit?! ", Domen's mental mess burst wildly out of him.

Overwhelmed Daniel tried something to say. "Butterprincess" -

"No! Not this again! I am done with butterprincessing and everything! I didn’t want that! I don’t want that. I'm not like that! Do you understand? I’m not gay." -  
"Okay." Daniel stared at Domen while thick snowflakes caught in his eyelashes.

"Damn it! No! ", Frustrated, Domen swept snow with his feet aside. "It's everything but not okay, Slowcoach. I’m not gay. But I can’t stop thinking of that kiss either. Because the it does matter to me. Because you matter to me. I'm not gay, Daniel. I can’t be. But you arn't all the same to me either. Shit, how can anything of this be okay? Tell me! "

"I ... I’m not all the same for you?" Timidly Daniel raised his hand. Put it on the cheek of the young Slovenian, who closed his eyes for a moment as warm skin touched his.

"Is that everything you have to say about this mess? Honestly? Did you even hear a tenth of what I told you?" Domen asked incredulously. Didn’t know if he should run or stay. How it ever could work. Whether there was something that actually made sense. How he should ever be able to breathe again.

"I listen to everything. Every single word, "Daniel smiled happily and Domen moved closer to him through the sea of white sparkle stars.

"I'm a disaster, Slowcoach," tried Domen to explain, losing himself more and more in Daniel's spell. "An absolutely unstoppable exhausting unpredictable disaster," Domen added weakly as he wrapped his arms around Daniel neck.

"I know," Daniel shrugged unimpressed.

"Why are you grinning then?" -

"Because you forgot something." -

"What?" -

"Your irresistible charm and your unbelievable modesty. That's just how you enchant everyone, Butterprincess, " Daniel said with a tender smile, before kissing Domen in the dim glow of the lantern in the white sea of flakes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I tried to transfer Domens mental overload and chaos into the text. So I experimented a little bit (most of the time with ellipsis) as I wrote the chapter. So, I hope I was able to translate the sentences in a way you are able to follow.  
> It would be frustrating, if not, because I think, this is a really important one.   
> So, 9 chapters left. Slowly but surely we come to the end. Thank you for reading and bearing my bad english skills.  
> And of course I want to wish you all merry christmas! :)


	30. Daniel - Bischofshofen - Day of qualification

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Grace Vanderwaal - Dancing in the moonlight  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q8120Fdp070

The sun was shining through the high windows of the gym. It were the first rays of sunshine on this day that caused thousands of small cheeky dust particles to whirl through the air. Got them to dance and shine. Daniel sat dreamily on the bench and followed the spectacle. A transfigured grin on the face.

He still couldn’t believe it. He saw the snowflakes swirling around them as they kissed. As they were just standing there, in the middle of the parking lot, hugging each other because Domen was cold in his thin jogging jacket, but he didn’t want to budge. He had lost all sense of time and it had never been so indifferent to him. Daniel would still have been standing in this parking lot today, if Domen had wanted it that way.

Violent tramping tore Daniel from his daydreams and he hurried to tie up his sneakers. They had a short training session this morning before they would later go to the hill.  
"Now lay the ball off, Halvor!" Tom shouted indignantly at the young Norwegian, who was making his way to the basketball hoop on the other side of the field, trying to free himself. He had to handle Anders as cover, who crowd him closer and closer. Robert was standing, , already at the basket on the other side, waiting for Anders to succeed.

"You can have it the easy way or the hard," Anders announced, disguising Halvor's path and trying again and again to knock the ball out of his fingers.

So they performed a little dance. Two steps to the left, then to the right again. A few steps forward, followed by Halvor who tried to strike a bow and circumnavigate Anders. Determined, they faced each other, neither of them willing to yield even a millimeter.

"What do you think, Robert? Waltz or rather a fast foxtrot? "Tom puzzled and cocked his head.

"At any rate talent-free," remarked the aforementioned, as Halvor had almost tripped over his own feet and now held the ball tightly with his body.

"My preccccioussss", Halvor lisped and looked all around until he finally spotted Tom and tried to throw the ball out.

Daniel, who had followed the scene in silence, had sprung up from his seat and had sneaked up on Halvor. Grinning he gave Anders to understand to shut up and just as Halvor wanted to throw, Daniel slapped the young Norwegian the ball from his hands and played it directly to Anders.

"Hey! Cheat! That's shit! I demand disqualification! Where is the referee? Red card! Penalty minutes! ", Halvor shouted indignantly, before he set himself in motion to recapture the ball after his fright.

Concentrated, the Norwegian team dedicated to the basketball game. Daniel got the ball back from Robert and made his way almost pending past Tom and Halvor. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Anders hurry on his right side, Robert on the left. Daniel feigned a short left, then shot the ball to Anders, who threw it directly in front of the basket back to Daniel on the three-points line who safely sank the hit. "Yeah," Daniel exclaimed smugly, clapping Anders and Robert.

"Super pitch" Robert applauded, while Daniel bowed.

"Thank you! Autographs will be available later, "announced the blond Norwegian cheeky.

"For what? For cheating? "Halvor grumbled, dribbling around with the ball he'd picked from the floor.

"Better you surrender, Halvor! It looks like the King is back. You have no chance anymore! ", Andreas noticed, as he came running out of the locker room to them.

"It was about time," Anders murmured from the other side and received a pat on the shoulder.

"Well, because of me he could have stayed like this a little longer. Somehow, it wasn’t that bad to be the best with the ball, "Halvor admitted frankly as he fixed the basket.

"There you see what the favor of a forestgirl is able to do," Tom remarked smartly and grinning at Daniel with a knowing look. Immediately Daniel flushed up.

"Now stop exaggerating. I had just a small form-low, "Daniel tried hastily to calm them down, although the smile persisted stubbornly in his face. He couldn’t turn it off since last night.

"Sure! And Because of your loss of form, you also missed half of the party yesterday. "-

"And carry this excessive grin on your face now." -

"And when you’re walking, it looks like you're gracefully prancing on clouds," Tom whispered with his arms in the air, mimicking the movements of a ballerina.

Laughing, Daniel once more stole Halvor the ball and shot at Tom to stop him making pirouettes in front of him any longer.

"Philistine," snorted Tom, rubbing his shoulder.

"As if! It’s an act of grace to redeem a suffering animal, "Daniel continued merrily, feeling as carefree as he had in days.

"Okay, but joke apart: What about your forestgirl now? We're right, aren’t we? "Tom asked curiously.

"Um ...", Daniel stared at the extremely interested faces of his friends. "Well, I mean ... Um ..." Daniel grinned and bit his lip. Had to remember to look as seriously as possible. "So ... why do you always think it’s about the forestgirl?”

"Which part have you missed? The one with your smile from ear to ear? The one with dancing on clouds?" Robert replied, pulling on the ends of his beard.

"I um ...", smiling, Daniel looked around. He knew it himself: He hadn’t behaved inconspicuously since yesterday. This morning he was even humming at the buffet! Everything was different now. More colorful, louder, happier. Tom hadn’t been so wrong with his damned clouds. And no matter how much Daniel tried, he just couldn’t stay down. Taking the smile off his face and get back to normal. "So ... maybe ..." the blonde Norwegian stuttered on. Looked at the expectant faces around him. Faces who had noticed that he had felt bad lately. Faces, who had always tried to cheer him up. Actually, he had the best friends in the world. "I- A gentleman never tells?" Daniel finally jostled uncertainly. Because he knew that they wouldn’t believe him another story. Because he was tired of lying to them. Because maybe it was the only story that came that close to the truth.

"Whooooohoooo!” Robert said meaningfully, while Tom's and Halvor's whistles echoed through the hall.

"And when do we finally get to know your chosen one?", Andreas wanted to know with real interest. Every one of these chaotic people was happy for him. And he knew that sooner or later this question would have come anyways. And maybe someday he would even been able to answer it honestly.

"I- So Everything is ... um ... new and fresh and ... maybe later." Later, when he could be halfway sure that they’ll take kindly to it. And if he could be sure that Domen had digest everything.

Tom grimaced unhappily. "No idea why you have to make such a science out of it, but okay. We grant you grace period, Tande. But not for eternity. "  
"Yes, at some point you have to introduce us and then-" -

"Can we finally start with what we came here for?" Alex, Magnus and Clas burst into the hall. "To train. Ski jumping. And not: coffee klatch for advanced. "

Almost immediately, they scattered. Robert and Tom continued with some stretching exercises. Andreas and Halvor hired Magnus to practice imitation exercises with them. Daniel and Anders decided to work with the hurdles they had built up before Tom challenged them all to a basketball match.

"Do you know how you want to do it?" Anders asked, positioning himself in front of the hurdles.

"What?", Confused, Daniel stared at his friend, who took a few deep breaths.

"Well, dropping the bombshell. You and the pighead, "Anders replied, before he started running and jumping over the ever-increasing hurdles.

Daniel stared with surprise after the older man. "Good show," Daniel patted him on the shoulder before positioning. "But we don’t want to drop anything."

"But ... why ... I mean- Can you still not imagine it?" Anders uttered desperately. He had been so naive as to believe that something would actually change. A come out would make everthing so much easier. Then he wouldn’t have to constantly make excuses for Daniel. He wouldn’t need damned notes any longer to remember what he had told whom and when.

"Someday…. Maybe. I- dunno, "Daniel looked embarrassed to the ground before he ran off and overcame the hurdles one by one. Breathing heavily he came back. "It's fine the way it is now," Daniel said as the gym's heavy door slammed open again and a flood of neon green jackets entered.

While the others only glanced at the Slovenian team, Daniel froze the moment Domen crossed the threshold. He plodded after his team and kept his eyes lowered. Daniel absorbed every movement of the young Slovenian. He recognized the tension in Domen's gait, the uncertainty and couldn’t resist a grin, because it was him who knocked the Slovenian out of his stride.

Anders, who followed the scene skeptically, grimaced in confusion. "But you are dating each other, right?"

"I- Yes. Somehow…" -

"Daniel! Don’t kill me! "Anders hissed softly as Domen peeked uncertainly through the room. When their eyes met, Daniel could no longer curb his smile. The Slovenian also gave him an embarrassed grin, before he quickly turned away and put his shoes under close scrutiny as he sat down with the others from his team.

With the greatest effort, Daniel turned his eyes away. "At least we realized we aren’t all the same to each other," Daniel murmured, before once again taking the hurdles and simply leaving a stunned Anders.

Meanwhile, Goran Janus personally entered the hall with a clipboard under his arm and began with his rumbling voice to explain the individual stations which had been built up and divided the Slovenians into small groups. Daniel, who came running back, caught Domens peek again and held it tight. He gave the young Slovenian a reassuring smile that Domen answered with slowly blushing cheeks.

"Cute. Really, "Anders pushed his elbow in Daniels side and broke their contact. Hastily, Domen turned away, controlling their surroundings, before turning his gaze back to the floor.

"What was that supposed to be?" Daniel hissed angrily. He knew how much overcoming it had cost Domen to admit that he liked him. Really liked him. And Anders behaved like a damn steamroller and would make all his successes to niece!

"Daniel! Wake up! That's what I ask you! You've realized that you aren’t all the same? "Anders whispered angrily. Snorted to keep himself from bursting.

"Yes, like I told you," Daniel replied and had no idea why it should be a problem. 

"And that's enough for you?" -

"Why shouldn’t it?" Daniel shrugged helplessly. That was more than he had ever dared to hope for. And the rest would come with time. Hopefully.

"I- but- I mean ... If he can’t even admit he's falling in love with you, then- I mean, how does he imagine that? How do you imagine that? This secrecy ... that can’t work! ", Growled Anders, crossing his arms because he couldn’t believe what Daniel had just told him. "I thought we could just leave that behind us."

"Can’t I just be happy for the moment? And what's the hurry? Do you even have any idea how hard it is to admit that you ... like green more than you should? "Daniel whispered unreasonably. Turned his attention back to the other side of the gym, where the Slovenians rose. And as if Domen had felt it, they exchanged more furtive glances that gave Daniel wings.

Sighing, Anders indulge as he faced Daniel's dreamy smile. "Okay. Maybe ... I want too much for you too fast. And I'm pretty sure I have no idea about ... anything. But it’s so ... unsatisfactory. And I just thought, because you told the team- "

"I don’t know it myself, okay? What is right and what is wrong. I have no Idea. I just know- shit, Anders. I'm happy, okay? I mean, really. And I could enumerate everything now: pink hearts, violins, little angels, who fluttering out of my ass ... The whole range. The team… they already figured out so much anyways. And actually - I mean, I'd like to scream it out. But I can’t. But I don’t want to lie more than necessary anymore either. At least I want to live it out a bit. I don’t know, "he shrugged, overwhelmed. Once again he sought eye contact with Domen, just to make sure he hadn’t dreamed yesterday. That it wasn’t a mirage that would vanish at any moment.

"Okay. I get it. It’s just ... don’t settle for nothing, Daniel, "Anders said simply.

"That's not nothing. That's ... everything, "Daniel grinned happily at him, ran off and jumped over the hurdles one last time. After Daniel's turn again, they pulled a few mats to the floor and began with some stretching exercises.

"By the way: How's your date with Silje?", Daniel gallantly changed the subject and almost immediately, the face of his counterpart darkened.

"Bad. I- What did you do to me?! I have no idea what to do with this woman! "-

"I could give you an instruction manual-" Daniel giggled amused.

"Haha. No, I- With Tora everything has always been so easy. We had fun when we met. It was uncomplicated- "-

"You mean you didn’t care," Daniel corrected, shaking his head. He had never understood all this back and forth between the two.

"It sounds way too negative when you say this," Anders grumbled into his non-existent beard, letting his upper body fall forward. "We are just there for each other when we need each other. So, were. "

"No way! Don’t tell me you broke up just because of-“ Daniel wanted to break out in ecstatic storms as Anders stopped him again.

"Oh no! You forget that! It’s been a while we're going our separate ways, okay? This has nothing to do with Silje. We just decided it was time to move on few weeks ago, "Anders breathed heavily, but firmly, as he straightened his upper body out of the forward bend.

"Aha." -

"Okay, Tora decided that. I don’t know why she suddenly thought that she wouldn’t get any further if we met further. I mean, I never forbade her to look around. But understand the women. Actually, I also assumed that she doesn’t mean it that way. I mean, she did that all the time, but now I haven’t heard something for almost three weeks, "grumbled Anders in disgust. "And now Silje. We should pair her up with someone else. For real."

"Forget it! I won’t just scoff her at the next best! "Daniel contradicted vehemently. They didn’t do this conversation for the first time.

"Nobody says. And I'm sure we'll find someone who will meet your- and above all her - demands better than me, "Anders replied confidently and turned on his side.

" You know, if you would use more energy to plan the date instead of complaining the whole time, then you would already have it halfway behind you," Daniel replied, shaking his head, settling in half a balancing act and reaching for the tips of his toes to stretch the knee.

"You mean, because you're such a great help. You've just get me into hot water. And you have a good talk at all. After all, the pighead doesn’t expect the most perfect date ever, "Anders whispered softly. And as soon as Anders had finished speaking, they both look at Domen, who was warming up with Cene in a game of volleyball. Daniel wondered what Domen would say about a real date. Dreamily, Daniel saw it in front of his inner eye: Together in the woods at a picnic. Underlined by the rhythmic sound of the wind in the branches and a choir of birds. Hand in hand watching the clouds as they move on, just being themselves. Far from everything. Without having to worry. Just being together.   
Carefree.

The imagine gave Daniel wings. He would have liked to storm to Domen immediately and ask him. No, he would kiss him first and then-

"Oops! Excuse me! "Cene shouted down the hall, while the volleyball with which the Prevc siblings had just played, rolled right to Daniels feet. The Norwegian quickly picked the ball up when Domen came running up to him.

Uncertain he stopped a few feet from Daniel away. Just staring at him, not saying a word. The air around Daniel began to crackle. Domen stood directly in the rays of the sun.   
Around him, the dust he had stirred up. Daniel was tied up. Just remembered with difficulty that unfortunately he couldn’t stand here forever, looking at Domen. Watching how the blush creep up slowly his neck, like he bit his lip, smiling at him unsure.

"Catch", Daniel said and tried to get rid of the feeling that everyone was watching them. That everyone had to look only once to know what was going on. It took his breath away a bit and he didn’t know if it was okay or not. Anders stood beside him, he calmed down. If anyone had ever considered it, he would already have had his foot in the shin. He was sure of that.

Domen, completely in trance, too, tried to catch the ball and failed miserably because he couldn’t break away from Daniel. Under the loud giggling of Cene, he ran stumbling after the ball. Domen picked the ball up and threw death gazes at his brother. At least, Daniel guessed it was because Cene suddenly fell silent.

And just as Daniel was about to turn away, he himself became the victim of gazes of death. Hastily, Peter turned away and Daniel wondered if he had deluded when Domen passed Peter. He watched the brief clash between the two siblings.

"Wow, I think we'll be soon eyewitnesses to a terrible crime," commented Anders spellbound.

Restless Daniel played with his fingers. He wanted to go over there. Would liked to help Domen, who just followed Peter into the equipment room of the gym. Crap. Quickly he glanced at Cene, who threw baskets as cool as a cucumber with his volleyball. 

Seeking, Daniel let his eyes wander through the room, but absolutely no one in the Slovenian team seemed to begin to worry about the siblings. Did they never see each other arguing?! "How long are they already in there?"

"Just a few seconds. Damn ... it gets exciting and you don’t have a bug in the wall. Twenty on the fact that the pig-head flat-rolled his big brother ", whispered Anders with too much enthusiasm in the voice.

"Stop that!" Daniel hissed angrily, not taking his eyes off the entrance to the equipment room for a second. "I don’t get it. They were on the road to recovery, "Daniel mumbled oblivious.

Strained they stared at the door as they heard a muffled impact from inside. A few seconds later a basketball rolled outside, followed directly by Peter, who stormed back into the gym. Alarmed, Daniel waited for Domen to follow his brother. But instead, the door of the equipment room was still characterized by yawning emptiness while Peter sat himself on the mat next to Jurij and continued with sit-ups. 

"Okay, that's enough," Daniel started to move. "I'll get a volleyball!", He told Anders over his shoulder meaningfully, before he was swallowed by the darkness of the equipment room.

He didn’t have to search long. He could already hear Domens angry babbling at the entrance. "- not begging or slipping on my knees in front of him! Then he have to keep going to get butthurt if he likes the roll!” 

Daniel stopped. Observed Domen how he sank his fist into the huge mat wagon after every word. The Norwegian knew he shouldn’t have found that adorable. But he could have been standing there for hours, watching how Domen was raging.

"Stupid Ass-" -

"Do you need civil protection?" -

"Crap! What are you doing here? ", Domen looked around suspiciously.

"Checking, if you need help digging you out?" Daniel asked smiling and stepped closer to Domen.

Nervously, he ran with his fingers through his hair. "Yes, as if I needed help with that. I've been practicing that for decades. "

Laughing, Daniel grabbed Domen's hand. Pulled him closer so their noses touched. Unsure swallowed Domen, before he let his hand slowly slide up Daniels neck and sank his fingers in his hair. "Are you alright?" Daniel whispered under the protection of the matdolly while his thumb gently stroked Domens cheeks.

"Mmmh ...", the Slovenian nodded softly.

Domens breath, tickling on Daniel's cheeks, drove him crazy. Without lingering or even wanting to, he put his lips on Domens. More confident than the day before, Domen returned the kiss. He literally clung to Daniel, whose senses played completely crazy. He had never felt so alive. So good. So happy. "I missed you," he murmured breathlessly between two kisses and looked Domen deep in the eyes. Embarrassed, Domen kissed him again instead of answering, leaning obliviously against the matdolly with all his weight, which suddenly gave way.

The two jumped with fright and fell into a peaceful giggle. Then Domen fell silent again and Daniel cocked his head. "So, Butterprincess ... Peter and you ... What have you done- Ouch!", Outraged Daniel rubbed his upper arm.

"You deserve it. Why always me? You may not believe, but this time Peter started ", Domen poked Daniel indignantly with his index finger in the chest. "I just wanted to apologize."  
"So… you wanted to apologize. But Peter started? Interesting logic, "Daniel chuckled as Domen squirmed in front of him.

"Well, like it often happens," Domen shrugged, while Daniel crossed their hands and smiled. He just had to touch Domen. Wanted to enjoy having him close. "You want to work out a bit ...", Domen struggled over his lips as he became less concentrated with each word. "... enjoy the uhm… loneliness ... and chrm ... then Peter appeared and ..." fascinated Domen stared at Daniel. Again and again at his soft lips, which were only a few millimeters in front of his. "And ... then ... uh ...", Domen stared embarrassed to the side as he realized what he was doing. "It become louder."

"But you get along?", Daniel wanted to know running lovingly his fingers through the Slovenian’s hair.

"For sure. At some point Peter is going to realize that he can’t avoid me forever ", Domen assured hastily. Tried to calm down again. They had spent the entire last evening together. No reason to panic. He just liked Daniel more. That didn’t have to mean anything.

"Good," Daniel said, giving Domen a quick kiss on the lips. "Do you know that I could do that all day? That I want to do that all day long. Since you went to your room yesterday to be exact, "Daniel whispered in a rough voice in Domens ear and wangle him two more short kisses.

"Mmmh ... but ... I mean, we can’t stay here forever," Domen whispered worriedly, while Daniel realize he really wanted to hear a different answer. 

_And that's enough for you?_

He decided to push it back into a far corner. That was rubbish. He just had to be patient. Besides, he was happy. Overjoyed. Daniel thought during another kiss.

"Domen Prevc would like to come back to training from the ball pool. Domen Prevc from the ball pit please! ", It suddenly sounded giggling into the room. "I know you're here!"  
Startled, Daniel and Domen moved apart. Paniced, Domen looked at him. Straightened his T-shirt, smoothed his hair while Daniel did exactly the same. "Yes! I-um ... just wanted a few ropes! "Shouted Domen, caught in the act and forgot to give a snotty answer to Anze's stupid comment.

"Maybe you should have tried with light. Goran looks cloudy again and I don’t even want to start to talk about Peter ", Anže came bored into the room and Domens eyes widened with each step of his teammate. Huffing, he urged Daniel a little deeper into the corner before Domen himself hurried out from behind the mat dolly, leaving Daniel behind.

"Light is totally overrated", Sounded Domens voice through the equipment room as he complimented Anže out of and gave Daniel one last hasty apologetic look.

Sighing, Daniel exhaled in his dark corner. Leaning his head against the mat dolly, he stared helplessly upwards. It was clear to him that they had been nearly discovered.   
Nevertheless, Daniel suddenly had a queasy feeling in his stomach, to which he had no right.

It was totally okay the way it was. 

He was happy.

Overjoyed.


	31. Domen - Bischofshofen - Day of qualification

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bring me the horizon - And the snake starts to sing  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mp3UVX6z9L8

"You are going to be late again! Where have you been? I mean, how do you do that? We all arrive at the same hotel at the same time with the same car. Nevertheless, I'm already done and you haven‘t even started to pack ... ", shaking his head Anže looked at the chaos that Domen had just arranged in their room, because he was looking for his second wedge.

Goran wanted to be on the hill in just over an hour. The trial rounds were about to start and they all condemned to do interviews with various representatives of the press. But until then, after the exhausting training session an hour ago, they should still get the chance to fill their stomach with a snack specially prepared for them by the hotel.

"You've been a whiner in your previous life, aren‘t you?" Domen grunted as he rummaged in his garbage bag with the utmost concentration. By now he was halfway crept in, not only because he hoped for a better view, but also to hide his flushed cheeks. Because no one less than Daniel was responsible for the fact that he lagged miles behind his schedule again. "I know they have to be here somewhere," he mumbled to himself to keep his focus in here and now and not to drift back to the Norwegian.

"Better a whiner than a professional chaos," Anže replied unceremoniously and thoughtfully sat down with his cell phone in his hand on the bed.

For a little while only Domen's impatient crackle with the garbage bag was heard, who looking thoughtfully into the shallow depths of the darkness and losing himself without realizing it. At that time, Daniel had asked him if he dislike gays and he was taken by complete surprise. In the hotel corridor in Garmisch. With the garbage bag in his hand, it wasn’t possible for him to stop stutter. But he had never believed Daniel completely. He had wanted to believe that he was asking because of a friend. And just dismissed his doubts. As he always had done, because it was easier. Safer for him to get stuck in a familiar way than to complete a dangerous obstacle course over something new. Jay and the Christmas man. It had looked so natural. So easy.

Anže threw his cell phone next to him and continued to watch Domen in his doing, who was cursing loudly and slowly lost his patience. With itself and the wedges. Without blinking an eye, he reached for the end of his garbage bag and let the contents trickle across the floor.

"Just to make it clear: You tidy that up later!" -

"Do you realize that you‘re unbearable today?" Domen asked as he rummaged through his pile. "Got you," he said in relief as he spotted his wedge in a tangle of his underpants, his laptop charging cable, and his toothpaste tube. Then he turned back to Anže. "Still lack of communication?"

"That would be nice," Anže snorted. "Honestly, no matter what the conditions are, if Goran beckons us, then we can trust that it's as safe as it gets, or not? I mean, we can‘t deal with that too. A short hesitation and boom- out of the game.

"And Iva disagrees?" -

"I quote: And if Goran beckons you on a skyscraper roof, then you would jump too, right?", Anže parrots his girlfriend. "Honestly, why do women have to be that complicated and make a big deal out of everything? Why did she have to decide to watch the competition yesterday of all days? "

"She'll be fine in a few days again," Domen murmured, and vanished into their bathroom, where his jump shoes were, when there was a knock on the door outside. Groaning, Anže approached the door. "If you knew," he shouted to Domen over his shoulders as he opened the door a crack.

"If anyone knew what?" Curiously Cene peered into their room, who had heard the last part of Anze's sentence.

"Iva," Anže replied eloquently, and Cene nodded understandingly as Domen returned from the bathroom with his jump shoes still dripping wet because he had just give them a shower. Goran hated it when their shoes were dirty. In general, he was very sensitive to their material and Domen knew, he had strained Goran's patience in recent days already plenty.

"Which pond did you pull them from?", Frowning, Cene pursued the trail of drops of water that Domen left across the room.

"Did anyone see the hair dryer?" Domen ignored his brother once more that day, put his wet shoes on the table and rummaged through the laundry pile on the chairs.

"Do you always have to mess things up?", Anže tore his underwear from Domen‘s hands to lay it on his bed. "Tomorrow I'll find no- Domen! You have dirty my shirts! ", Accusingly he held a T-shirt in the air, which he had just lifted from the ground.

Shrugging, Domen looked up. "It’s only water. It’ll dry. I'd rather worry about the wrinkles, "he retorted as his gaze fell on the hat rack. "And because of talking of order: I've guaranteed not hung that there", Domen grumbled and pointed at the hair dryer, which Anže had used yesterday evening.

"You‘re both not very tidy, "Cene interfered in their discussion.

Outraged Anže started to reply, but his voice was smothered in the booming noise of the hair dryer. Concentrated, Domen worked on drying his shoes and enjoyed the steady rushing sound. All morning he felt like a squirrel suffering from ADHD. All his senses were constantly on alert. Even Daniel's eyes, he felt on his skin. The tingling and burning. His heartbeat, pulsing through his body shaking everything.

It made him crazy. Daniel made him crazy. He liked Daniel. It didn‘t help to deny that for longer. How couldn’t he not? He loved his gentle touches, his soft, melodious voice, the way his hands touched him.

"Your tea session seems to have been pretty hot yesterday," Cene yelled into the bathroom with a big grin leaning against the doorframe. 

The hair-dryer dropped out of Domen‘s hands. Only at the very last moment he could prevented the collision with the tiled floor. Thereby he unintentionally pulled the cord out of the socket and the hair- dryer fell silent. Quite contrary to Domens pulse, which repeatedly ran marathon on that day.

"Anže is already gone," Cene said quickly because terrified look of his brother. "And he brings us something from the buffet. That means we have all the time in the world to talk. "  
"Great," Domen replied monosyllabically. He had known that it would have consequences. In a last desperate attempt Domen started the hair dryer back on.

Cold as ice Cene unplugged the hair-dryer again while he settled himself home on the windowsill: "I suppose you got your answers yesterday."

"Will you leave me alone if I say yes?" Domen asked annoyed and ran out oft he room with his shoes, accompanied by Cene's cheer, causing his stomach ache. He was ... the time with Daniel was great. He loved it and at the same time this killed him piece by piece. To see how happy Daniel was: his smile, his lightheartedness and he knew he should feel the same way. And he did that too. Sometimes, when Daniel kissed him and he could forgot everything around him. But then it kept sneaking up to him. The reality. With all their doubts flitting through his brain, like fleeting shadows in the night. Gnawed at him. Reminding him of a horror movie.

"So you know, you could at least come out with a few details. Where I have struggled so much with you, "Cene put a theatrical hand to his forehead, sitting down on the chair next to Domen. "You have no idea how many nerves that cost me. Not to mention all the calming tablets. "

"There's nothing to talk about," Hissed Domen nervously as he packed his shoes in his backpack and looked around for his luggage straps, which had proven to be a real salvation to somehow hold his battered backpack together.

"Then I've just a vivid fantasy? The stealthy looks, the embarrassed smile you two exchanged ... Oh, and Daniel and you in the equipment room ... I could have sworn that there had been a wild smooching, as red as you came back ... but maybe I am wrong and you have just set up tea water which you had Slowly brought to boil and thoroughly test the taste "Cene winked at him meaningly and Domen wondered if the luggage straps might help him in an other way.

Stubbornly, Domen forced himself to ignore Cene. Tossed his wedges, which he had parked on the bed, on his backpack, which promptly dropped down. He didn‘t want to have this conversation. Because he knew where it would lead. Because yesterday, after he had slowly come down from his high adrenaline level, he himself had this conversation countless times. Without a result. He was the unsuspecting protagonist in his own life. And that feeling took away his breath.

"Now don‘t act like an oyster. It’s no shame to b- "

"I'm not!" Snapped Domen and would have liked to bit his tongue the next moment. Damn, now Cene would only be quiet if he made sure Cene got to know the luggage belt from near.

"But Daniel and you-"

"What? That doesn’t mean I'm gay, "Domen insisted stubbornly. He had tried to think about what that meant to him now. Because he felt so lost. Different. Branded. He thought of his own reaction to Daniel's confession in Garmisch. How he had left him. He couldn‘t be gay.

"Okay, then just bisexual", Cene flashed in a ranting tone.

"Cene! Would you stop it? Okay: I like Daniel. Only Daniel. That's why I'm neither gay nor bi ", Angrily, he threw a pair of socks at his brother, which Cene laughingly avoided. Why hadn‘t he found anything harder? A brick for example? "Damn it! Why is that important at all? It doesn‘t matter. I am what I am and not a stupid definition! " Helplessly Domen threw his hands in the air. At least he was trying to convince himself. 

"But that's so ... unsatisfactory," Cene admitted.

"For whom? To you? I'm really sorry about that, "Domen replied dryly.

"That's right. I don‘t care. Insufferable you are one way or the other. But what does Daniel say about the whole thing? Or- I mean- What I want to say: I never thought he was into men. Where he is ... such a babe magnet, "Cene babbled nonsensically to himself.

"And how do you imagine someone who likes men? Someone who is gay? "Domen mumbled uncertainly. Cene didn‘t notice that his little brother had suddenly become quite quiet. Because he had seen and read too much last night that had robbed him of sleep and rest. Because he had to figure out what the whole thing means for his future.

"Not like Daniel, somehow. Maybe a little bit ... mmh ... Okay, no idea, " Helplessly, Cene looked at his younger brother, whose expression darkened because that answer would have been important and Cene wasn‘t useful. "But just for the record: Daniel is really gay? Was he always or ... did you convert him with your tender nature? "

That was something else that Domen didn‘t understand: Why Daniel had just fallen in love with him? Domen had no logical explanation for that. As well as for everything else. Why did everything have to be so complicated? Why wasn‘t he a bit more like Daniel? Who have got things straightened out with himself. Who simply enjoyed the moment and knew exactly who he was. "Daniel has seen how you treating me and then he became gay out of pity. At least one who has recognized my misery."

"Okay, stupid question. I can‘t believe it: you become slowly an adult. Daniel really fell in love with my little unbearable brother. "

Fine. Then they were already two, thought Domen sighing and was glad to the little peace that spread in the room, while Cene was dwell on his thoughts. Silently, Domen pulled his luggage straps around the backpack, which surely would look well on Cene. Lashed tight around his neck so he couldn‘t lose it. Or breathe.

Suddenly Cene jump to his feet and clapped his hands: "Hey! Maybe you're Pan? "

"And you Captain Hook, or what?" Domen growled irritably. He closed his eyes for a moment before tightening his zipper. He set his backpack on his shoulders, almost hitting Cene.

"Pansexual. Geez, what are you learning at school? "-

"Funny. I just wanted to ask you the same. I thought you study maths and physics, and not soul-plucking for beginners. "-

"Pansexual are people, who are attracted to all gender identities," Cene explained annoyed and looked questioningly at Domen: "And?"

"Conversation ended," Domen pushed past his brother, who obviously hadn‘t understood. That Domen was groping in the dark. And Cene just made it worse by forcing him to talk about it. By threwing around with technical terms, which sounded as exotic and sympathetic as venereal diseases. Pan! As if he had no other problems!

With the nerves at the end he tore open the door of his room and stormed through the corridors of the hotel. Unfortunately, Cene was difficult to get rid of. At the speed of light, he had shouldered his pack, grabbed his jacket, and hurried after Domen.

"Do you realize you're always drifting farther away when you're not talking to anyone?", Cene bubbled a brief moment later over his shoulder instructively.

"And? That's what continents have been doing for thousands of years and it doesn‘t bother anyone, " Domen snapped back as he turned around the corner at full speed, but unfortunately the straps of his backpack got caught on the branches of a palm tree. Dangerously the plant wobbled. Cursing, he freed his backpack while Cene stood laughing beside him.

"You know, your life is way too entertaining to let you escape far," Cene whispered amused as he helped Domen eradicate the leaf chaos on the ground.

"You’re the only one who thinks like that ...", Domen muttered, staring into the foyer. Of course, they hadn‘t gone unnoticed. And while Domen encountered many amused glances, at least one person in the hall seemed to feel his behavior as an impertinence. Demonstratively Peter returned to his conversation with Jurij.

" Are you surprised? You should have execute Peter immediately yesterday, that would have been more humane" Cene said harshly and Domen couldn‘t even contradict.

One more thing he had messed up. And this time, really. He had a huge bad conscience for shouting at Peter. Peter had tried to repair their relationship. Peter had confided things to him which Domen had turned into destructive weapons. And he knew, this time he had gone not only steps but at least one universe too far. He had hit and sunk Peter. He had to make amends. Because it had been his fault. Because he didn‘t want to be like that, even if he didn‘t know exactly who he was. He simply hoped that there was a better version than this somewhere. And otherwise he maybe would end up as ash. He had been trying to apologize all morning, but Peter simply stonewalled every attempt.

"Should I offer it to him? Maybe then he'll talk to me again. Or at least yelling at me, "Domen mused softly to himself.

"Or, crazy idea, you just try the truth. I am sure that P- "-

"No! I- "-

"There you are finally. Here I have packed you some cuts. Goran should come any moment, then it goes off. I'm really looking forward to the competition tomorrow, "Anže shine with happiness over both cheeks.

"What happened to you?" Cene pronounced what Domen thought. Within less than half an hour from the deepest sleet to bright sunshine ... That was what he needed. Maybe for Peter the double doses.

"Iva. I persuaded her. She is going to watch it live. Tomorrow. She comes here. Tonight, "Anže announced proudly as his phone vibrated. Laughing, he read the message and wrote back. He ditched the two Prevc brothers and moved into a quieter corner of the lobby.

Domen stared sadly at his roommate. That's the way it should be. Carefree and full of ... pink clouds. But it simply wasn’t. Maybe because…

Doubting, Domen made his way to the rest of the team, followed by his new, much too lively shadow. Almost immediately, Peter fell silent and shouldered his bag. He left wordlessly to the rest, who stared after the older Prevc, only to turn accusingly to Domen.

"I'll be right back," he hurried after Peter and caught him at the snack machine. Uncertain he watched Peter from a distance as he rummaged for coins in his jacket pocket and cursed to himself, because he found nothing.

"Here," Domen finally overcame himself and handed Peter a two-euro piece.

Peter hesitated for a moment before finally taking the money and putting it into the snack machine. Everyone knew about Peter's weakness for candy bars when his nerves were blank.

"Did you know that I only started to jump because of you?" Domen finally said uncertainly, not knowing where to start and how to bear the silence between them any longer. " I remember the first time- when you had to carry me along, because Mum had to work in the furniture store. You had take me along to the hill… That was great! You flew ... and it was ... I watched you train in your room and imitate the exercises secretly in mine. I've seen almost every competition with you, keeping my fingers crossed for you and then I trainied a bit harder to become as good as you at some point. To be in a competition with you someday. I wanted to be like you my whole childhood. "

" Well then you got off with a black eye, eh?” Peter replied bitterly, took his candy bar from the machine and wanted to turn away when Domen held him back.

"Pero, I'm sorry, okay? I- ... I was just not quite... myself yesterday, "Domen confessed after a moment's hesitation. "Okay, maybe there are some things, going through my mind. And training with the dumbbell alone wasn‘t really one of my best ideas. "

"What's wrong with you?" -

"I can’t..." -

"Because of Daniel." That wasn’t a question, but a statement. A statement dressed in sheer angry dissatisfaction.

" That's not ... my secret. I am not the one who is allowed to tell you something. Let's just say that the homicidal offense give me a harder fight than I wanted to admit. But that's up to me, not to Daniel. So it would be nice if you could stop staring at him like he is a dangerous criminal. He didn‘t deserve that. I'm the problem. Not Daniel, "Domen added, inexplicably feeling a little relieved. "Neither are you."

"I don‘t like it," Peter admitted frankly. "What if you talk to mom?" -

"Did you tell something?!", it slipped out of Domen's mouth in horror.

" I was close to do so to be honest. Or Pastor Humar? He is also bound by confidentiality, if that's so important to you, "Peter suggested with a dissatisfied undertone in his voice, but he actually meant it seriously.

" That's what I will do when I feel the need to recite Bible verses and pray thousands of Ave Marias," Domen said. They all had been brought up in strict Catholicism, but while Cene and himself had always made fun of Pastor Humar, Peter had absorbed every word. He even voluntary visit the mass on Sundays.

"Oh, come on. He isn‘t that bad. He is a good listener. Maybe he is able to help you, "Peter tried to encourage his brother.

"By telling me: God's ways are unfathomable? I can do that myself. Don‘t blame me, but you know, that is nothing for me, "Domen said decisively.

"Then not," Peter replied and threw the plastic paper of his now no longer present cereal bar in the bin.

"Listen, I'll meet you halfway. But you have to go the rest. I don‘t want us to bust heads any longer. I never wanted this. And ... I'm sorry for yesterday. For real. I needed a valve and you were ... just there. I should not even think like that- "-

"At least now I know what you think, right?", Peter crossed his arms bitterly.

"You mean, because you are always quiet about me?", Asked Domen, because Peter behaved so childishly and putting the blame only on him. "I'm never good enough for you! No matter what I do. You are guaranteed to find something you dislike. And if it's the shitty smiley socks I wear at the press conference. I apologized, Peter. I won‘t slip on my knees in front of you. I am not gonna do this as well. Either you accept it and make the best of the fact that your brother isn‘t as perfect as you would like to have him or you leave it.  
Your decision, "Domen slowly but surely lost patience and turned around annoyed as loud hectic murmurs echoed through the corridor. "I mean, do you know how frustrating that is?"

"And you mean for me it’s different? I mean, how the hell do you get the idea that I'm perfect!? If I was perfect, then I certainly wouldn’t have wreak my anger on you yesterday. If I was so perfect, then I would finally jump better and not constantly be jealous of my little brother. If-"

"Wait. Jealous? You? Of me? "Domen asked over the tumult from the lobby.

"It took me years to get to where I was last season. Years, Domen, and I have bust my ass. And I only needed a few months to fall. And now I'm stuck again. All the successes ... just Puff. Away. It's like I'm stuck in an even worse version of my past. Goran looks at me as helpless as he did years ago, because he always believed that I could do it, but I couldn’t show it. And then it suddenly happened. I thought I never have to experience that again. And yesterday, as I asked Goran for the break ... This wasn’t only helplessness, but also disappointment. I just want a break for a week! And then ... there are you? Just got into the World Cup and ... you win?! From zero to world class in a single competition? After you just started? And I know that I should be happy for you, okay? But it doesn’t work. Not quite, " Peter burst out, while Domen's jaw dropped and he didn’t know what to say. "As you can see, you're right. I am not perfect. Rather defective."

"What? No! I only have - I just wanted to get away from everything and then you'll burst in and- "

"BLOCKED IN?! What does that mean: accidentally blocked in? I'll accidently blocked you in ", Indignantly thundered the horrified voice of their coach through the corridor and attracted the full attention of the Prevc brothers. "Listen, we have to prepare for a competition. Can’t you just make an announcement? Searching for the owner? Let the bus tow away for my sake! "

"Goran. We're too late, "Peter said worriedly, and without waiting for Domens reaction, he hurried down the hallway to the lobby.

There were things that would never change, thought Domen and followed his brother.

As inconspicuous as possible, the two slipped past Goran, who was about to bawl some man in a suit out, while Alex Stöckl stood by and nodded in agreement.

"You luck out!", Jernej muttered as he noticed Peter's questioning look: "A tour bus has blocked us in. Well, actually he blocked in the whole parking lot. Unfortunately, the bus driver disappeared without a trace, "he explained curtly.

"We're already on the lookout," The suit carrier, nervously standing in front of Goran, rubbing his handkerchief over his face. Apparently Goran made him sweat pretty much. Grinning, Domen let his eyes wander around the lobby. They weren’t the only ones who watched Goran fascinated. A group of youths stood right next to them, who could barely hide their laughter behind their hands.

Some of the adult hotel guests watched the show or rather tragedy less amused, obviously disturbed in their rest. However, none of them dared to get up and ask Goran to control himself.

"For the fact that you are supposedly already on the search, you’re a standing a bit too unmoved in front of me. Bus drivers don’t end in smoke, "Goran rumbled on, while the manager became a little smaller with each word and repeatedly looking at Alex to help.

"Do you think he lets him in one piece?", It whispered unexpectedly in Domens ear. Hastily he turned around, only to look in incredibly captivating green eyes. Quickly, Domen turned his gaze in front of him again.

"Maybe," he whispered back shrugging, trying convulsively to pretend it was nothing special that Daniel was standing behind him, whispering things in his ear. He could feel Peter's suspicious glances at them, and he wanted nothing more than to bring a little distance between himself and Daniel. And then drowning himself in the shower for that thought, Domen thought bleakly, as next to him a cell phone vibrated and Anže began to type enthusiastically.

"I ... um ... yes ... that ... Susanne!", The suit carrier stuttered not without turning another round with his handkerchief over his face, when he saw a brunette young woman who came bustling from behind the reception. "Susanne," the suit carrier repeated, relieved to have found an excuse to distance himself from Goran and fled to his colleague at the counter. "Do we have any news?"

With a smile for the lobby, the young woman lowered her voice and began to update her boss. While Goran ran indignantly to the front desk, the lobby had been wrapped in a silence that easily could rivaled with every mourning hall.

"What? No way! ", The loud voice of Tom rang through the whole lobby. The rest of the Norwegians were entrancing the lobby and obviously they had no idea what was going on. Otherwise maybe everything would have been different. Then Tom wouldn’t have stormed into the hall turning pirouettes and might not have exclaim "Look, I'm a great prima ballerina".

And as the hall burst into amused laughter, Domen automatically turned to Daniel to make sure he wasn’t hallucinating, while Tom, surprised by the unplanned attention, froze and Alex screw up his face as though hoping that his alarm clock would ring at any moment.

After his moment of shock, the rogue grin returned to Tom's face and he insisted on doing a few more strange contortions and completed his performance with a deep kink and a hand kiss. "Thank you! Thank you! I'm overwhelmed, "he shouted into the room, causing even more cheering.

Domen clapped in amusement, leaning briefly on Daniel because everyone was focused on Tom. He enjoyed the feeling closeness as they looked each other in the eyes and laughed together. For a moment, the world revolved only around them. Until they were shot down in seconds from seventh heaven.

"Dude, how gay is that? I always thought ski jumpers would be cool. "

It was like ice water, spiked with tiny, sharp needles that pulled Domen back. Let him jerk around. Taking his breath away, he couldn’t stop staring at the boy who was fooling around with his buddies. All of them nodded their agreement, complimenting him for his comment.

_beatings, blackmail, abduction: gay couple reports persecution in Russia / homosexuals and transgender victims / «I was beaten because I'm gay» / Marriage for all is "Attack on Nature" / The blessings of God can be used for sinners, but not for the sin itself. Homosexuality is a sin. / If there were more and more homosexuals and homosexual culture would prevail, humankind would have to die out, so homosexuality harms._

He had read it. The whole night. He wasn’t able to stop. His eyes had stuck on the lines. All the ugly things in this world. He felt lost. He felt wrong. Small and obscure. It was hard to breath in the cold. He wasn’t like this. 

"And I thought boys your age would be smarter somehow. Probably we both fooled ourselves, " Daniel tore Domen out of his vortex, coming a little bit closer so he could feel his warmth. 

"That's true greatness. My firstborn will bear your name, " Tom said, grinning from ear to ear. Andreas, Halvor and Robert were watching the scene in fascination, too. Just like his own team.

It was fun. For them it was fun. Nobody cared about the small exchange. The boys turned back to their conversations. Like their teams. It felt surreal for Domen. He felt like someone had slapped him and he didn't know why. He wasn't gay. He couldn't be. But Daniel was. And while he was just able to look speechless, Daniel was the one who had reacted. It was surreal. Stunned, he buried his hands in his pockets. It was cold and he had to fight the urgent need to finally leave the lobby. He wasn’t like that. Neither feminine nor weak, ill or a victim. But why did he feel like that then? Daniel wasn’t like that. He knew that. Actually. He totally overreacted. That was stupid. He wasn’t gay.

"Well, after we've clarified that Hilde would look good in a gras skirt as well: What about the bus driver who has blocked us in?" Reminded Goran grumpily of the actual problem while the suit carrier rediscovered his handkerchief in parallel.

"Yeah, er, we can’t do anything more ... He could be every- ... I mean- Maybe ... um ... in the surrounding shops?" stuttered the manager nervously. "Oooor somewhere here? In the park. Chrm- ... Susanne, in which rooms are bus drivers accommodated? "

Right. He wasn’t gay. It just make him feel low because ... Daniel. How did that have to be for him? Unobtrusively he stared at the Norwegian, who was still standing behind him. Met his penetrating gaze. Would it always be like this? Was it always like this for Daniel? He wanted to disappear. The truth was, he couldn’t stand it any longer with the teenagers in the room. He didn’t want Daniel to stay in a room with these idiots for longer. He had the urgent need to hide in his embrace. To run. To never come back. To forget. 

"Goran!" Domen burst forth, catching everyone's attention. He breathed deeply. "Daniel and I can quickly traipse around the surrounding shops. A few of us traipse around the park and the rest the rooms. I mean ... uh ... maybe we have luck and together we're much faster and- "

"That's what I call a constructive suggestion," said Goran satisfight to Domen. Alex nodded too, while a loud whistle brought Domen's eardrum to burst to get attention. "Come here! Search party, " barked Goran through the hall, before he stared impatiently at Domen. "Why are you still standing here? Start searching!"

"Already gone," saluted Domen and hauled the blond Norwegian from the crowd. "Domen-", confused, Daniel wanted to ask what Domen was about to do.

"Soon." Unable to say another word, Domen ran outside. Peter's stare didn’t bother him. He had to get out because he was suffocating in here.

Domen sucked cold air in his lungs. Meanwhile, the sun was disappeared and the sky was gray and cloudy. Domen turned to Daniel.Recognized and cursed the big windows of the lobby. He sought Daniels warm gaze, which was able to thawed him again and dispelled the cold, even though they were only facing each other. "Is everything okay with you?"  
Surprised Daniel stopped, who was about to ask Domen the same question. "Yes sure. But you-"

"How do you bear that?" Domen interrupted Daniel, because he badly needed an answer. The front door of the hotel opened and closed behind them. He heard quick steps moving away until Daniel finally started to talk:

"What?" -

"This! Everything! How do you bear that? How can you stay cool? I mean, I would like to freak out, scream ... And you ... are just standing there, unimpressed and- "

"Found! Let’s go, Domen! Bring your stuff to the car! Departure! ", Peter stormed suddenly through the door.

"In a few moments," Domen cried impatiently back, because Peter once again had the worst timing ever. Domen was that distracted that he didn’t even recognized the bright red face of his brother. 

He needed an answer. Now. From Daniel. Because he could manage to bring order to his chaos. Because otherwise he would suffocate therein.

"No, not in a few moments. Now! ", Peter jostled himself between Domen and Daniel, whom he didn’t pay any attention and began to drag Domen away mercilessly while the front door spit out the rest of their teams.


	32. Daniel - Bischofshofen - Day of qualification

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lord Huron - Meet me in the woods  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d5axbaGBVto

Powerfully, the wind made its way through the atmosphere. Paltered its merciless game with the gigantic gray cloud mountains. Agitated them, dived under them, brushed over them. Faster and higher, he whirled around snowflakes that had just left their home. Clueless and full of ideals they were floating in the direction of the earth, light as feathers they sank in the darkness and enveloped the earth in silent, muffling white. 

Far away from the valley, the wind carried the dull roar of the crowd up into the small forest that towered darkly on the mountain. Dusk had already start and promised a cold night. Daniel had his face turned upward, looking up at the cloudy mountains, who were passing by. He watched as small frayed clouds lurched past the thick grey mass above. Stretched out his arms and imagined what it would be like to be able to move with the clouds. Feeling the wind tug at his arms as if he were asking him to come along, to leave behind the earth. Hypocritically, they promised him the carelessness and lightness of being.

Nevertheless, Daniel gave himself to this feeling for a moment. Closed his eyes and listened to the wind, which elegantly made his way through the trees. Today he had opened his mouth. Had speak up. It hadn‘t been anything worldshaking. He had neither had his coming out nor held the speech on the occasion of world peace. There had just been a few words stumbling out of his mouth he hadn‘t expected. It felt like they had broken out illegally out of his mouth. Out of a prison. Like criminals. He had prayed, petrified, that no one would notice what they really meant. That the would turn boys turn away without continuing to speak about it. 

A snowflake gently landed on his cheek, tearing him out of his rigidity as it melted on his cheek. Domen had gone deeper under his skin than he had ever wanted. Only a few weeks ago, he had dreamed only from afar of Domen without allowing himself to be more of it. The little taunts had been the only weakness he couldn‘t turn off. And then the forest had started to attract them. Had let them repeatedly meet each other and plunged into chaos. 

And now he was standing here because he needed a moment to breathe deeply. Because life continued to drive him mercilessly.

 _What is the plan for Bischofshofen now? How do you feel about, Daniel? Do you still have questions? You like to jump here in B-hofen, right? What would the victory mean to you? How did the skies run? Which suit do you want to take? Do you need something? Do you think you can beat Kamil? Have you had time to realize what happened yesterday?_

No, he hadn‘t. He hadn‘t even managed to realize, what had happened just three hours ago. What he had done, because those beautiful dark green eyes with the brown speckles in it, had hit him to the core. Because they threatened to realize that the reality could be more cruel than any nightmare.

Sighing, Daniel looked at his watch, cast a last longing look to the horizon, before he turned and walked slowly back through the darkness. Soon it would be his turn. The qualification jump. Shivering, he pulled his hood a bit lower in the face, listened to the crunch of his footsteps, which slowly mixed with the noises from the jumper’s accommodation. The humming of the wax machines, the almost rhythmic dull thudding of volleyballs, the hectic tumult of its inhabitants, the intermingled conversations.

Daniel just reluctantly left the darkness that had given him a short break and stepped right back into chaos. Startled because he almost collided with Simon Ammann's ski ends.  
"Sorry!", The Swiss shouted over his shoulder and hurried on without stopping, while Jarkko was comming past by from the other direction. "Crap, crap crap! My wedges! I'm late ... "he mumbled under his breath, walking past Daniel without taking any notice of him.

A little time until qualification remained for him. He knew that if he wanted to win the tour, he needed a nearly perfect jump. And yes, he wanted to win the tour. That was one of his childhood dreams, which now seemed close enough to touch. Daniel had gone through his jump countless times.

"Hey! Where have you been today? Had you been afraid of the upcoming defeat? ", A hand touched his back.

Daniel turned around in surprise and looked into the friendly face of Richard Freitag. "You would have liked that, huh? But unfortunately, I have to disappoint you. We were only blocked in, "Daniel denied laughing.

"Blocked in?!" -

"Yes, blocked in. Bus drivers are only humans, too, ", said the Norwegian and couldn‘t help smiling as he thought of the contrite-looking and deeply embarrassed elderly Prevc brother. Not that he forgot his strange gazes. He just wasn‘t sure if they really were his.

"Okay ...", Richard stopped and stared back and forth between the German container, his watch and Daniel. "Damn it. You have to tell me later. But tomorrow we won‘t accept excuses. Just to make it clear. And certainly not such bad ones, Tande!"

"My knees are shaking," shouted Daniel after the German, whose hand already laid on the doorknob, when he turned around grinning again: "Good luck!"

"The same to you!," Daniel yelled after the German, who disappeared behind the metal door, before he turned back and almost immediately stopped again. Domen was less than ten yards from him. Thiessen stood opposite him and held a microphone under Domens nose. Daniel was sure that Domen already had the foamy taste of that damn thing in his mouth. But the Slovenian carried it off well. Relaxed, the young Slovene leaned against his skis, calmly answered all the questions that were asked. At least that's what it looked like for Daniel. Because Domen wore both his helmet and his ski goggles. Every Noh mask would therefore have allowed more inferences on their state of mind than Domen.

Only at noon today it had been different. For a moment, Domen had dropped the mask. Had Daniel unintentionally allowed a look behind the scenes. And what the Norwegian had seen had hit him deeply. For the first time it had make him do to not just keep smiling and persuading himself that it wasn‘t meant that way . That the words had nothing to do with him. That this feeling, for which there were no words to describe it, would pass by, even though he knew that it never did. Because there was always that little gnawing question in his head, whether they weren’t right after all. 

Slowly, Daniel withdrawed from the small fire basket, behind which he had hide himself before watching Domen over the flames unnoticed for a while. Reluctantly he made his way to the Norwegian container, which led him directly past the Slovenian one. For a moment Daniel allowed himself to look at Domen. A short nod of the Slovenian, a raising of Daniel's hand. Distant. Cool. Casual. Then the Norwegian was past Domen. He walked off, even though the Slovene attracted him like a magnet. His feet got heavier because he didn‘t want to do just that: pass by. 

_How do you bear that?_

The truth was that he had lowered his standards for a long time. That he had been happy every day that hadn‘t remind him of his last two years of schooling. He was happy about every minute, every second that survived his secret. That was the humiliating reality. He was scared like shit. In every day again. And he stood (aushalten) it. And even this resembled more and more the attempt to hold himself together and not accidentally break apart. 

And now? Now there was Domen, who had gotten under his skin more than he thought it would be possible and thought Daniel was a crappy fireworks display, that he just wasn‘t, but wanted to be for Domen. Frustrated Daniel clenched his hands in his jacket pockets into fists.

It had been that short moment. Shortly after the words left his mouth, before he realized, what he had just done. He had felt alive. Free. And now? Now he was trapped again. Felt more than ever before imprisoned in his own life, although paradoxically he was terribly scared to trust the feeling of freedom. Because he didn‘t know where it would take him.  
Lost in thought he headed for the Norwegian container, which lay in the dark in front of him, because the lantern opposite emited only a weak beam of light. Behind the brightly lit windows with shutters, he could see the shadows of his friends.

Carefully, Daniel pushed open the door, because Halvor had a habit of always standing directly in front of it. He had already got one or the other bump. Pleasant warmth hit Daniel, as well as a cap that landed directly in his face.

"Pfff," he said, wiping his mouth to get rid of the lint.

"Sorry!" Andreas exclaimed. "It ... was actually meant for Tom," he added contritely and Tom, who stood a good meter next to Daniel, looked apologetically. Skeptically, Tom picked up his cap from Daniel with pointed fingers, held it in the air with the greatest possible distance to him and looked at it critically: "Is that your spit on it!?"

"Of course, extra wet ... pffff .... bah ... as you like it - uhhhbuh ...," Daniel replied. "Now, I know, why ... you're always ... duck out of basketball," Daniel grumbled as he tried to fish the lint on his tongue.

"You mean every ball sports," corrected Halvor mischievously and promptly got a knock with the fist on his head from Andreas, who stood next to him.  
"Mmmhhh ... all right," Carefully Tom grabbed his cap, looking uncomfortable.

"Oh, please! Don‘t be so bitchy! Think of Peter. He has a much worse destiny to master today ... the old voyeur, "Robert said seriously, before all of them broke out into fit of laughter.

"I swear ..." Tom began laughingly, busy wiping the tears from his eyes, trying to become serious. "I'll never forget this... chrm... HAHAHA ... That ... Peeeeter survived with all the blood in his head ... is already bordering on ... ... a medical wonder ", stuttered the Norwegian , leaning on his skis to stay upright.

"Wow, Peter will never get rid of that again, right?", sat Daniel next to Anders, who had watched the whole bustle unusually mute.

"Does that surprise you? I mean, let's just take Tom: After all, he's been busily engaged in his career as a ballerina all this morning, just because you thought he was as elegant as a dying animal ... If that's enough to keep him on task? And then Peter find the believed to be lost bus driver in the ladies' room, because he has confused the door ... What did you expect? "Anders looked at him questioningly, before he returned to his shoes.

"You’re right," Daniel nodded and peeled off his tracksuit.

"I wouldn‘t be surprised if Tom's already writing a script ... Your pighead is in stitches, too, I guess?," Anders guessed as he put his sneakers parallel to each other and pushed them under the bench, making sure, that the back part of the shoes flush with the end of the bench completed.

It would be nice if it really was like that, Daniel thought, before replying, "He's more probably annoyed that he missed the show of the century. I mean, Peter, who flees from a wildly scolding woman is one thing, but scolding him as a tensioner an complete other... This is almost ready to film", Daniel looked into the distance and tried to imagine the spectacle that he has been in the most diverse versions had gotten told.

"Why oh why he missed it..." Anders wagged beside him meaningfully with his eyebrows, looking at his buddy with a knowing grin.

"Then, boys. Make me proud, " Tom interrupted theatrically as he opened the door and stepped outside. Robert, Halvor and Andreas followed him into the cold with a short nod.  
"This is ... wait a minute ...", surprised Daniel dropped his jump shoe, which he had just wanted to put on and looked at Anders interested, when he realized that his buddy had missed the show, too. "Tell me, where have you been?"

Embarrassed, Anders stroked his hair. "Yeah ... uh ... that ... we still have to ... anyways- So what I want to say ...", the Norwegian stuttered, pulling his shoes out from under the bench just to put them back in exactly the same way as before. "I need her number," Anders finally said.

"Whose number?" Daniel asked confused until the next moment the truth dawned upon him. "Oh, that number! Wow! I mean, I didn’t think that you are still able to manage it this year - AU! "

"Look who’s talking!", Grumbled Anders insulted and Daniel rowed back.

"Okay, okay. You’re right. And? What did you plan? On a scale from fantastic to phenomenal? ", Wanted Daniel to know, while he rummaged his phone out of his pocket.

"I'll not mess up," Anders blocked, waiting impatiently for Daniel to finally bring his phone to the surface. "Do we have it then? I still would like to get this over and done with today. "

"You should urgently work on your choice of words", Daniel sighed and passed his friend the phone number of the blonde with a strange feeling in the stomach. Maybe he should have given in and persuaded someone else.

"That, my dear, you should have thought about before you started mating wildly," said Anders reluctantly, picking up his helmet with his gloves neatly folded under his goggles. "So, and if you would excuse me now? I have a qualification to jump and a date to survive. "

"Good luck!", Daniel cat-called at the Norwegian, before the door closed and Daniel was left alone. At least almost.

Survive.

 _How do you bear that? How can you stay cool? I mean, I would like to freak out, scream ... And you ... are just standing there, unimpressed._

He didn’t want to tell Domen his story because he was afraid of his reaction. Tormented, Daniel grimaced. There it was again. The word. The feeling. Anxiety. It was incomprehensible to the Norwegian how Domen could think of him as fireworks, when he was just a small vulnerable matchstick. But life was a masked ball. Nobody knew that better.

How could his story help him after all? It contained neither a happy ending nor a moral. It was stifling and depressing. Not life-affirming and colorful. Daniel squeezed frustratedly into his jump shoes, which suddenly felt as restrictive as his life.

He got his helmet under his arm. Left the protection of the container and faced chaos. The hill above them was brightly lit up into the night. Jumpers, supervisors, trainers and the press searched their way past each other. Here and there ones stopped, exchanging a few words. Jarkko came running towards him with his skis. This time much more relaxed, wishing him luck. The Finn had already done his jump.

Then Daniel lowered his head. Observed his feet, which brought him forward, he watched as the gravel floor passed him. It was a reassuring feeling to concentrate on going through the jump in his mind's eye again. It distracted him from the feeling of being stuck.

Highly concentrated, Daniel entered the elevator. The pling a few seconds later announced the arrival on the tower. The elevator doors opened and opened the view into the warm-up room. Domen sat at the other end. Restless, he wriggled with his legs, which set his whole body in motion.

Daniel wind trough between Maciej and Stefan and sat down on the square diagonally across from Domen, who looked up for a moment. An uncertain smile crossed the Slovenian's face, which Daniel replied. For a few seconds, Domen stopped fidgeting until he looked away, feeling caught in the act, while his cheeks slightly flushed.

He was forced to let his eyes wander through the room, which only wanted to stay at Domen. To distract himself, he loosened his neck muscles, began to circle with his shoulders. Nodded at Stefan, because their eyes crossed. Everything as always. Until his gaze got stuck to Domens hands, which were tightly wrapped around his gloves. They maltreated them by twisting them apart and flicking them against his leg.

Daniel wanted to go over. He just wanted to take Domens hands, gently stroke over the backs of his hands and get lost in his forest eyes. Ask him, how he was doing. But he couldn’t. Because it wasn’t normal. He sat in his chair, feeling infinitely frustrated, felt like he was a continent away from Domen. Although it would be so easy. 

What would happen if…?

Terrified by himself, Daniel closed his eyes. Moved to the beam and went through the movements of his jump. He imagined the entire jump. The door rattle he noticed only marginally. He forced himself to remember every little detail, unconsciously following his movements with his body. Not before he landed he opened his eyes again. And landed directly in the unfathomable depths of the forest, which turned away and jumped up.

"Chrm ... had a good ... flight?", nervously Domen bent over his shoes, which he began to tie, supported on the chair.

Grinning and with a warm feeling in his stomach, Daniel smoothed back a strand of hair that had fallen in his face. He noticed that not only Maciej and Stefan had already left the room, but also the cameraman, who usually took care of taking pictures from the tower. "Absolutely perfect," he beamed at the Slovenian, who seemed to behave relatively normal in his own way.

"Well, I hope so! Because If I have to hand over my beloved yellow jersey, then only to the future Tournament winner, "Domen proclaimed cockily, occupying himself remarkably intensely with his skis leaning against the wall in front of the exitdoor.

"You’re having few claims, you know that, right?" Daniel commented dryly, walking next to Domen and making sure their shoulders touched because he couldn’t stand the distance any longer. 

Motionless, Domen lingered next to him for a moment and closed his eyes. That little touch was enough to drive them both out of their mind. Daniel slowly turned his face to Domen. The exploding firecrackers in his belly made it impossible for him not to lean his head towards the younger one. Because Domen hadn’t changed his mind. Because he was still there.

Daniel gazed longingly at the lips of the Slovene, which were only a few millimeters away from his. Domen's breath brushing over his cheek. He gave Daniel the feeling of being swallowed up by the forest as he looked him in the eye.

Then a loud gurgling break the silence and made them diverge. Dazed, they stared at the large water dispenser, which had just made itself felt, before they guiltily looked each other in the eye and hastily turned away from each other. Daniel wanted to scream out loud.

Meanwhile, Domen took his skis off the wall and stormed to the door. Then he stopped surprisingly and opened the door for Daniel. "Butterprincess ... I think I'm discovering completely new facets on you," Daniel whispered softly, as he passed Domen, whose slight blush was instantly increasing again.

"Don’t get used to it, slowcoach," grumbled the Slovenian sheepishly as they stepped outside, the wind blowing the clamor of the audience into their faces. Wordless, they laid the rest of the way back. They focused on the upcoming jump. When Stefan was waved off, Domen slipped on the beam in front of him. Full in his tunnel, he turned his gaze to the coaches's tower. A small smile, almost invisible to the naked eye, crept into Domen's face as he controlled the seat of his helmet, loosening his shoulders once more. Goran finally waved him off and Domen rushed mercilessly into the depths without thinking.

Daniel slipped on the beam. Checking his bond, waiting for Alex to give him his release as the wind blew in his face. Effortlessly penetrating through his thin suit. With almost stoic calm Daniel waited until the flag lowered. The wind grew louder and lingered past his ears, keeping an eye on the jump-off. The moment Daniel jumped, he knew instinctively that something was wrong. Feeling the imbalance he got into. He lifted his left foot instinctively to get his skis back to his body. He struggled to make the jump as long as possible, when the ground came closer way too fast. Omitting the telemark he landed the jump and left with a queasy feeling in his stomach. Tense, he waited for his rating, which appeared an eternity later on the big screen: 39th place.

Followed by the cameras eyes, he ran past the benches in the exit area of the jumpers, because he knew that he had spoiled it himself. Because for the first time he really realized how close he was to fulfilling one of his childhood dreams and how frighteningly easy it was to burst it. How frighteningly easy it was that everything collapsed like a house of cards.

"It will be better tomorrow," Stefan said encouragingly as he passed by. "And look at it positively: at least you have already got rid of your bad jump."

"Mmmhh ...", Daniel nodded to the Austrians expressionless, before he sat down on the bench, which stood hidden between two empty containers. Frustrated, he stared up into the darkness of the night.

"Here you are! Man! What did you do? ", A little tremor shook the bank a moment later and left Daniel no time to indulge his gloomy thoughts. "Symmetry, Slowcoach. You have to pay attention to your feet when you jump, even if it is difficult with your impaired mobility, "Domen went like a bull at a gate.

Daniel stared in surprise at the Slovenian, who had followed him. To this bench. In the forest. And maybe even a little bit into the darkness, although Domen should actually stay in the light. "You never keep your opinions to yourself, right?"

"What's wrong with that? Pity and some trite phrases wouldn’t help you neither, or? "-

No. Daniel stopped in surprise. What had the last days shown him? If he wanted something, then he had to fight for it. "You're smarter than you look, you know that?"

"Yeah, I also think that the word genius doesn’t even begin to do justice to me," Domen asserted gravely with a satisfied grin on his face, which magnitude could even rivaled with the solar system and aroused in Daniel the desire to simply kiss him. Instead, he contented himself with placing his hand on the one of Domen, which had hitherto clutched the cold bench. He enjoyed delicately stroking the back of his hand, watching Domen respond to him. Red cheeks, embarrassed look, the sudden stopping of faltering fidgeting of his legs. And the stuttering. "Chrm ... Well, maybe you didn’t want ... well ...to ... miss… chrm ... my nearness during the competition." 

"Do you think so?" Daniel crossed their fingers, loving it as Domen uncertainly began to bite on the inside of his cheek.

"Pretty ... sure," Domen replied softly, tilting his head slightly to the side, because he no longer got his own gaze off Daniel's lips.

"And what brings you ... to that thought?" Daniel breathed, trying hard to remember where they were. That they could be discovered at any time.

"Haven’t you looked at the uhh ... result lists yet? I'm going to jump you in ashes, Slowcoach, "Domen whispered, and it took Daniel a while to get the meaning of his words through his thick veil.

"Wait- You're my opponent tomorrow?", Daniel landed in reality.

"You’re a bright spark. So be aware. I don’t begrudge you the bird, but I want my yellow jersey back again, "Domen announced with a grin, looking just too gorgeous.

And entrapped Daniel to do stupid things. "See you tonight?"

Uncertain, Domen turned away. He stared at the gray freshly painted container wall and clenched his fingers tightly around the wooden bench.

There it was again. The moment that painfully reminded Daniel that they weren’t one of those lovers in which everything was rosy. He could understand Domen's nervousness, the uncertainty. He knew exactly how it was and didn’t hate anything more than this. Waiting, he got his shoes out of his backpack to come out of his tight jump boots. To make the moment of silence more bearable.

Until Domen finally redeemed him. "Yes ... I mean ... I think so. Maybe ... if ... umm ... my schedule ... I don’t really know what it looks like, so ... "Domen sputtered.

"Then just let me know when you know something and you still feel like chilling a bit. I would have a Playstation on offer ... What do you mean? "Daniel left the decision to Domen, even though he would have liked to kiss him for so long until he said yes. To give Domen a little time and privacy, he laced up his shoes.

After a short hesitation Domen began to rummage in his bag, which was more gap than a storage space. "Okay. But. I mean, uhm. Mobile phone. Wait ... Uhm, "he frantically spread his things across the ground. "I-… There! "Domen beamed, holding up his phone as someone else caught their attention.

"Domen! .... Doooomeeennn! "

Nejc pushed through press people, carers, jumpers and volunteers in search of the Slovenian. "Shit. I’m too late! Do something, now! " Domen cursed impatiently as he pounded on his cell phone while trying to stuff his things back into his bag at the same time.

"Dooooooomeeeeeen?!"

"Yeah," cried the Slovenian finally, as they could almost no longer see Nejc through the alley. "Stupid thing! Can you please function now? "

Impatiently Nejc raised his hands as he spotted the Slovenian. "Domen! You can chat later! "

"Yes! Crap- I mean, I'll be right there, "Domen shouted, frustratingly slamming his phone against the bench as Daniel put his cell phone in Domens hand.

"I'll send you a message later?" -

Thankful, Domen took the phone. "Yeah, I just have to restart my cell phone, then ... it should ... work again," he typed in his number and took a moment, although Nejc already chomped at the bit, to check, that he hadn’t make a typing error.

"Fits," Domen jumped to his feet, tucked the rest, that Daniel hadn’t gotten into his bag, under his arm and darts off.

Daniel smiled and looked after the Slovenian, who once again had a very typical leaving. Happily he stared at the number in his cell phone. And before he could ask further, whether that was the good or bad kind of nervousness that had befallen Domen, Daniel started typing because he was afraid he wouldn’t do it otherwise:

 _I hope we see us tonight, Butterprincess. Maybe your megalomania could be stopped with the Playstation : p_

Determined, he sent the message, packed his things and was about to step out of the alley when he was suddenly pushed back inside.

"What's going on between you and my brother?" -

Daniel stared in glittering ice-blue eyes that were so familiar and yet so alien to him, while his face meant to compete with a corpse. Even his brain had once again picked the most appropriate moment to say goodbye. Only his heart worked overtime. "Um-"

"And stop with the fucking excuses!", Peter demanded and didn’t let Daniel have a word, who was far too surprised to said anything. 

"But-" -

"Nothing but! I'm not stupid! You should talk to Domen. Talk to help him and not to plunge him into chaos! "Peter hissed angrily.

Frozen, Daniel stood in front of Peter, who had helped his fears to break out again. The silence between them stretched unbearably long. "I didn’t do anything," Daniel replied weakly after a while. Not believing himself. Wouldn’t it have been better if he had never said anything? If he had left Domen alone?

Peter pulled his eyebrows darkly. Just like Domen, if he didn’t want to be content with something. Also the way he aggressively stretched his chin forward, grimacing grimly. That everything was Domen. Only in edgier and older. Cooler. Much more controlled.

"Interesting. And why did Domen admit that you threw him off track? Why does he behave so headless since you hang around with each other? What's going on, Daniel? Doping? Anorexia? Illegal competition influence? Illegal bets? ", Peter began to enumerate indiscriminately, letting Daniel not a moment out of his sight, who was listening dumbfounded to the Slovenian . "Why does he train till he drops? Why does he become careless? Why does he cloistered hisself away?”

Domens face flashed in front of Daniel's inner eye. Alone in the thick-wooded forest of Oberstdorf. In the evening of the team presentation. How Domen was blind with frustration and anger in the undergrowth, in an area that was considered dangerous even in daylight with its steep slopes. What would happen if he had to go through what happened to him? What if he couldn’t deal with the situation? What had he done?

"You know what? I don’t give a shit, "Peter finally interrupted the silence. He pushed Daniel to the wall of the container, getting closer to him, starring at Daniel with his ice-blue eyes, which, without warning, turned into angry dark green forest eyes: _You know, if there's something I really don’t need, then there's someone else who tells me what I'm able to deal with and what not ._

"Just leave him alone, okay? I don’t want your bad influence- "

"No!", Daniel straightened his shoulders, angry because he had just been about to question everything. Angry because he couldn’t pronounce what he wanted.

"What do you mean?" -

"Domen is old enough to make his own decisions. Deal with it, "Daniel replied a little surprised by the firm sound of his voice, while his heart in his chest beat hard against his ribs because it wasn’t used to fighting. Because one last remnant doubt always remained.

"Deal with it? With what? That he is totally beside the track? That he withdraws? That- "-

"Peter! I got it, okay? ", Daniel snapped. As if he didn’t think about all that shit enough. "Unfortunately, the world isn’t pink and made of cotton candy. And yes, maybe Domen is going through a difficult time and behaving carlessly. But maybe that would be different if he felt he could talk to someone who just listens and doesn’t always stifle him in lectures! ", Words burst out of Daniel's mouth, which became more and more courageous. It felt right until Daniel registered that Peters face became ashen in front of him.

Without a word, Peter turned away. Stunned, he stared at the spot where Peter had just stood, who worried about Domen.

Didn’t he want something better for Domen? The darkness around him wrapped him in dead silence. Reminded him of what it had done to him. That there was no escape. At least not for him anymore, because the darkness had been holding him for too long. Now he had to fight to keep it away. Every damn moment.

"Shit!" angrily he yelled at the container in front of him because he didn’t know what to do. Because he had a bad conscience about Peter. Because he was afraid, that he wouldn’t let up. That he would ascertain his secret. He had to hide. He felt more and more like a prisoner in his own life. Domen had no idea what he had gotten himself into.

Domen had never seen him fight with the darkness. Domen believed that everything bounced off him. That he had a kind of recipe. And he liked the idea Domen had of him. He wanted to be the rock in the surf. But would Domen still be able to look at him like that if Daniel first told him about the darkness?

All the way back to the hotel, Daniel's thoughts moved in circles. Faltered between lie and truth. Dodge and admit. Light and shadow. Hesitation and determination. Strength and weakness.

Restlessly, Daniel paced back and forth in his hotel room, checking his cell phone again and again. As Anders disappeared into their bathroom to get ready for his date, the smartphone vibrated in his hands. Excited, Daniel needed several attempts to unlock the screen. With trembling fingers, Daniel tapped the small green speech bubble announcing he had a new message.

_I hope we see us tonight, Butterprincess. Maybe your megalomania can be stopped with the Playstation: p._

_Slowcoach, if your hands are coordinatively similarly gifted as your legs, then I'll flatten you. In half an hour?_

Thoughtfully, Daniel read the message that was so typical Domen and triggered everything in him: anticipation because Domen would actually come by to spend the next few hours with him. Panic, because Domen would spend the next few hours with him. Lucky, because Daniel obviously didn’t scare him. Scared, because there was so much that could go wrong. That's why he typed: 

_For sure?_

_Since I assume to be in full possession of my mental faculties: yes._

_Or are you afraid of bursting into tears after your catastrophic failure?_

Daniel grinned, while reading the two messages that came in one after the other. Domen made his own decisions in his own way.

_Better you bring handkerchiefs, Butterprincess. Unfortunately, I don’t have any, that I could offer you._

_????_

_Right. Room 309_ .

The room number, Daniel almost forgot. Excited, Daniel stared at the ceiling. The next half hour would become the longest of his life. He had longed for a relationship for so long. Had never made it that far, because he had always been busy denying himself. Had been too scared to risk something. He had always just stood by and watched others become happy. And now?

Next to him, the bathroom door opened. Anders stared at him grimly. "You are so silent."

"You too." -

"I am going to my execution. What's your excuse? Has the Pighead screwed it up already? "-

"No, he hasn’t!", Overwhelmed Daniel sought an answer and straightened up. Where should he start and where stop? Was there a problem at all? Maybe Domen got along better with everything than Daniel thought? "I have no idea. I just don’t want to do anything wrong, you know?"

"You say that to me, of all people? Perfect date. Haha. But, you know what? You should look at the whole thing positively: at least you don’t pay your mistakes with your life, "grumbled Anders, casting a controlling glance in the mirror. Anders stood in front of him in dark jeans and a dark green shirt. He had his hair loosely gelled upwards. And though his hair seemed to be the only thing, which were disarranged at the Norwegian, Daniel knew that Anders had scrupulously pulled every strand of hair to where he wanted it to be. "But in my luck, we don’t get far anyway, she still doesn’t know, whith whom she will have the honor. Or should we say the punishment?," said Anders sighed, but shrugged at the next moment again. "Well, whatever. I don’t care. See you later!"

Helplessly Daniel waited and stared at the door through which Anders had just disappeared. Does he really don't care or was he just trying to convince himself? As far as Silje was concerned, he couldn’t figure out Anders. On the other hand, their conversations have mostly been about his life lately. About Domen.

Crap! Ten minutes left, Daniel thought, jumping up from the bed. Looked around their room, where there wasn’t even a speck of dust to distract himself.

Nervously, he tapped into the bathroom, studying his reflection in the mirror. Everything presentable. Then he returned again. Looked restless out of the window. It had started to snow again. Automatically he thought of Domen in the snowstorm. Thought of his lips. Feeling like a rollercoaster while the world around him fell silent. Even his doubts gave him a moment's peace.

Everything had been so easy last night. In her bubble. Without wasting any thought about tomorrow. Living here and now. That feeling of having arrived somewhere.

Then one stupid comment was enough to show Daniel how fragile they were. How fragile he was. 

The knock on the door brought Daniel back to the here and now. Excited, Daniel looked around the room one last time before he hastily tearing the door open.


	33. Domen - Bischofshofen - Day of qualification

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Panama- Always   
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UylPrMcurB8

The sound of a ukulele sounded through the room in a fast rhythm. Supported by a guitar and a xylophone, the typical Hawaiian sound turned sandy yellow hotel room walls into miles and miles of beaches, which, under the sound of the sea, would have almost invited for daydreaming on the dark blue carpet with its small pale blue triangles. Nearly. Because the almost romantic-looking atmosphere was destroyed by the intermingled of the Hawaiin sound with a gambling den. Provided with various engine noise as funky as the two players, who sat in front of the TV on the ground. Riveted by their game, they hecticly were swinging back and forth their controllers, which they were holding in their hands.

"Get away!" Domen shouted impatiently at the television as he rammed one of the race cars mercilessly to clear his way to the top.

"Maybe we should’ve better had played the agricultural imitator," commented Daniel Domens behavior amused. That's why the Norwegian noticed too late that he losed sight of his racing character, Koopa the Tortoise, because he was watching Domen too long. "What?! No no no no! Fuck! What's the curve doing there? "

Moody, drove Koopa against a beach promenade, because Daniel had slated the controller too much. Frantically tried the Norwegian to steer his character back on track, and he accidentally sunk his car in the sea, because the beach promenade suddenly but unexpectedly ended.

"Your giftedness knows no bounds, eh?" Domen grinned mischievously at Daniel, but he never lost sight of the screen. Daniel had won the last two races, now it was his turn again, if he was forced to play with that stupid figure that Daniel had chosen for him: Princess Peach. For that he had wanted to take revenge and in the absence of a snail he had chosen the turtle, which unfortunately proved to be faster than the Slovenian had been prefer.

"Crap! No! What? Hello? Traffic signs? "Daniel complained desperately next to him because he could no find the way back of the track, landing constantly in the sea and had to restart and was then almost immediately prompted by the game again to change the direction. Well, at least the sense of orientation of the turtle seemed to be as he liked it, thought Domen mischievously, the finish line already in sight. "Everywhere water! Can’t anyone build a few signs here? Or- "

"Yes! Won! ", Seconds later, Domen triumphantly held his fist in the air. Amused, he watched Daniel, who was still trying to move from the spot until the game was over and the score appeared: Daniel was only very thin in front of Domen in the overall standings. "You realized, that the game is about being the first to finish, aren’t you?" He quipped, leaning slightly to one side. Closer to Daniel.

"Maybe you should’ve told me that earlier, Butterprincess," he replied in a raucous voice, chasing goose bumps down Domen's back, as Daniel leaned against him and their noses touched. Timidly, Daniel began to nibble on Domen's lips, who groaned in frustration because he wanted more. More of the feeling of flying. More of the warmth that emanated from Daniel. More of not having to think.

Without noticing it, Domen let the controller slid to the ground and pulled Daniel with his hands eagerly closer to him, buried his hands in his blond hair. Deepened their kiss. He enjoyed the feeling of Daniel's hands, stroking his shoulder and back and his neck. They left burn marks where they touched his bare skin.

The whole evening, they had already spent like this together: Just playing this stupid racing game and barely able to keep their fingers off each other.

Only the knock on the door made them diverge. Sighing, Daniel stroked his cheek. "Food," he whispered regretfully, before straightening up and walking to the door.

Domen stared after him, still not quite back in the real world, when he registered how Daniel looked like. "Daniel!" Hissed Domen softly, as the Norwegian had already laid his hand on the doorknob. "Daniel! Psst! Your hair ... "Domen whispered nervously, pointing to the right half of his head. Daniel had ordered food for two, and if the hotel employee saw him like that ... One didn’t have to be a Sherlock to solve this puzzle. What If he would saw him?

"What's wrong with that?", Daniel groped in what had once been his hairstyle and resembled a nest now.

"A bit ... um ... chaotic," Domen replied quietly, unable to prevent his cheeks from blushing.

With a teasing grin, Daniel blindly pulled and pressed his hair flat. Evidently it didn’t bother him what Domen had done to him. "Yeah ... must have been a hurricane in here... better?"

"Yes," Domen only managed a slight nod and hurried to the window when the Norwegian calmly opened the door. Silently, Domen stared at the wooden door, behind which Daniel joked in the best of moods, while Domen waited, holding his breath, for him to finally close the door.

He didn’t want to think about it today. He had at least decided that, when he finally decided to come here. He had been hellishly nervous. Daniel made him nervous. The time until their date had been a torture. The flutter and crawling of thousands of ants in his stomach had barely kept him in the chair while Goran had discussed the plan for tomorrow with them.

That was all he wanted to feel. The flickering and crawling. He didn’t want to think that at the same time it meant that these little animals would settle down themselves.   
Sustainably and mercilessly they would change their environment. Not this evening. He wouldn't think about this not this evening. Everything was fine. 

And so far, this had worked brilliantly. Daniel made it easy for him. He could just be ... when they were alone. Not confronted with the outside world and only concerned with itself and trivialities. With the impact they had on each other.

Relieved, Domen exhaled when he heard Daniel say goodbye and finally shut the door.

"I hope you're hungry," the Norwegian said to him as they sat down together at the small table.

"Mmmh," Domen replied monosyllabically, as his gaze caught on a small white bowl and something wrapped in kitchen paper. "What's this?"

"Dessert." -

Curious, Domen wanted to reach for it when Daniel unexpectedly gave him a pat on the hand. "OW!" - "First the salad!"

"You sound like my mother," Domen grumbled, but he reached out for his cutlery.

"Wise woman," Daniel stated and Domen snorted.

"You've never seen her in the kitchen before. She usually behaves like a madman, "Domen remarked, shoving the first bite of his salad into his mouth.

"Why? Does she always cook for whole armies, too? When we have home training, I am constantly busy with distributing and collecting Tupperware boxes. Seriously: That's how I imagine professional protection racket, "said the Norwegian carefree and Domen liked the way, how Daniel's eyes were sparkling.

"The Tupperware boxes mafia," Domen chuckled in amusement, and Daniel nodded, because he had his mouth full of lettuce. "I wished! An example: For Christmas there was cheesecake. She baked it with Gouda. Because she hadn’t any cream cheese ", the young Slovenian shook his head at the memory of that memorable afternoon and grimaced. The originally creations of his mother were mostly inedible. That afternoon too, Peter had been the only one who had actually forced himself to eat a bit.

"Oh. OK. So, you often had frozen pizza or something like that? ", Daniel eagerly asked to learn more about Domen's life outside of ski jumping.

"Nah. My dad used to cook. That time, the furniture store wasn’t working well. He loves that and unlike my mother, he is talented. When we were children, Dad always hired us as assistant cooks. Cene has always cut out weird shapes of vegetables and drove my dad to insanity because he never finished off at time with his star-shaped carrots or paprika triangles. Unlike Peter. A machine couldn’t have cut more accurately and faster, "Domen continued, remembering how jealous he'd always been about Peter. Because he was allowed to use Dad's good kitchen knife and he wasn’t.

"And you?" -

"I was responsible for the washing. After that, we magically had a lake landscape in the house, "Domen admitted sheepishly and Daniel laughed aloud. 

"Why doesn’t that surprise me?", The Norwegian grinned and reached across the table for Domens hand, to gently squeeze it and stroke the back of his hand.

"No idea," Domen replied dreamily. The intimacy that radiated this simple gesture made his breath stop.

"And what did your mom say about that? I suppose, she was certainly thrilled, that she was allowed to dry everything, "Daniel wanted to know and withdrew his hand again to continue to eat. Almost disappointed Domen also returned to his salad.

"Nothing. Peter helped me ", Surprised by this realization, Domen lowered his cutlery. He had completely forgotten that. Their little water battles. The common walks in the woods. The excursions by sailboat. Camping in the garden. All these memories suddenly appeared in his mind's eye, making him melancholy.

Lately, there had only been bitterness, because Domen had never felt good enough, although he wanted to be.

"In the end, all our clothes contained more water than the bucket, which we had to wring out the rags."

"Domen?" The Norwegian asked hesitantly, running his fingers over the edge of his glass.

"Mmh?" Domen replied, lost in thought, wishing really hard that Peter and he could return to that point. He hadn't known, how much he missed this. 

"May ... I ask you something?"-

"Sure." -

"So ... Peter ... what did you tell him?"

It was like a bucket of cold water that Daniel used to get him out of his nostalgic memories. Domen began to slip uncomfortably on his chair: "Why?"

"Because ... Is it possible that he's mad at me lately? Or am I just imagining that? ", The Norwegian finally asked hesitantly after several attempts and Domen breathed out with relief, because he had feared worse. Peter hadn’t necessarily acted this morning as if he would indulge. That's why he had avoided him.

To play out time, Domen stuffed a fork full of lettuce into his mouth and smiled at Daniel apologetically. He knew he owe Daniel an answer. 

He had compared Daniel's confession with a violent crime. Surely, that was the reason why Peter thought the worse. But that wasn’t necessarily what he wanted to tell Daniel. And also, his little um ... horror moments in which Peter had caught him. He was afraid of what Daniel would think if he knew. If he would know anything about what was going on in his head right now.

"I ...", Domen began with the intention of simply denying it, but after meeting Daniel's worried look, he just couldn’t say it. "Probably not. Peter behaves like a mother hen, just because lately I may have been a bit off track. But he knows nothing and that won’t change, "Domen tried to explain the whole thing without starting his thought carousel again.

"Okay," Daniel nodded vacuous and turned back to his meal, while Domen couldn’t escape the feeling, that he was about to screw things up. Silently they ate the rest of their salad and Domen grew restless with every passing second. Feverishly, the Slovenian considered what he could say. What he could do to bring back the lightheartedness of the moment.  
His gaze remained on the mysterious dessert that Daniel had brought. "Okay, so I would be ready for the mysterious dessert," the Slovenian pushed his plate to the side and smiled at Daniel expectantly.

"I-", the Norwegian hesitated, looking at Domen as if he needed to think about what he wanted to say. Until Daniel leaned back: "Since when so diffident?"

"Since I've noticed," Domen pulled the bowl toward him and began eagerly unpacking it, much too relieved that Daniel had responded to his not-so-smart topic change, "that I like to kept my hand. "

Stunned, Domen stared at the things, he had uncovered. Immediately, the shimmering and fluttering creatures began to chisel his bad consciense in his head, so that he would never forget it.

It was just grapes and honey. Nothing more. Nevertheless, these beasts suddenly blocked his respiratory system. His bloodstream. His brain.

"Butterprincess?" –

Startled, Domen looked up. Straight into bright green, captivating eyes that were able to fight temselves through his storm of thoughts and feelings and make him believe that everything was alright. Even if it was not.

"I was pretty shocked when I found out," Daniel threw contextless into the silence.

"What?" -

"That I'm gay. I felt like a kaleidoscope that was shaken for the first time in life, "Daniel described, leaning over the table and gently touching Domen's fingers with his fingertips. Like he's playing the piano with his long, narrow fingers.

Overwhelmed Domen remained in his rigidity. He wanted Daniel to shut his mouth because he didn’t want to hear anything about it, although at the same time he held his breath so as not to miss a single word.

"I don’t remember exactly what we laughed about. San and me. I want to say ... it was everything as always. We sat in the stable, among the hens in the straw and laughed.   
Nothing more. And suddenly ... suddenly I wanted to kiss San. For no reason. Out of nowhere. Because he sat next to me and gave me one of his contagious breathtaking smiles. It took me a few seconds to understand what I wanted to do. Afterwards I stumbled over a lot of chickens out of the stable. I talked about some urgent homework that didn’t exist, "Daniel continued, and Domen noted with discomfort, that he thought, it was somehow familiar.

"What happened next?" asked Domen, because every normal being would ask. He didn’t want to think further. He wasn’t gay. He didn't want to listen to it. But he didn't want to hurt Daniel, either.

"Mmmh ... I think I behaved pretty weird afterwards. I avoided San. Locked up in my room, I was staring at the ceiling for hours. It took a while to accept, but actually ... I don’t know, it all felt like me. As if the last piece of the puzzle had finally moved to the right place, "admitted Daniel, shrugging his shoulders and watching their hands.

It felt like me. But that didn’t feel like him, Domen thought desperately. It felt strange. Threatening, as soon as he began to think about it. He wasn’t gay. He just couldn’t stop thinking about Daniel. That was ... everything. Had to be everything. Only Daniel everywhere in his head. "San ... that's the one with the chicken joke, isn’t he?"

"Mmmhh," Daniel kept his eyes lowered, as if he was completely taken by the play of their hands.

"Did you tell him?" -

"I-" Daniel began before he fell silent and eyed him with one of his unfathomable glances. "Yes. Well, after that it was pretty weird between us. "

"I'm sorry." -

"It doesn’t have to. I just ... It's okay to be out of it, "Daniel replied mournfully in a low voice and Domen didn’t understand why he was looking at him so strangely. For one moment, Domen was afraid, that Daniel might know about his inner thoughts. How hurtful these thoughts were. How it regularly rolled over him and forced him to his knees, when for a moment he lost control over his thoughts. How he felt, because he allowed this.

"OK. I mean, no. I mean, I'm fine. Everything's okay, "Domen replied, not sure who he wanted to convince. He decidedly pushed away the part that needed answers. The one, who asked, where the whole thing was going to lead to. Had he really imagined his future like that? The part who just wanted to know who he was, didn't leave him alone. The part who wasn’t content with just enjoying the moment.

Damn it! He had done that the last hour! He wanted it to be like Jay and the Christmasman. The two had been happy together. Had no ugly ants, but beautiful butterflies in the stomach.

"Stop looking at me like this," Domen urged Daniel, who apparently didn’t seem particularly convinced of his words. He wanted to prevent that their carefree togetherness suffered a total loss. "Let's talk about your not-so-skillful attempt to cheat: honey grapes? Does anyone have scare to lose tomorrow?"

"You mean, the way you won against me at Mario Kart? Wait ... ", Daniel scratched his forehead and pretended to think hard. "Oh no. That was me. "

"Ohh, no! No, nothing is lost! We only took a break. And now I demand my due revenge, Slowcoach! "Domen jumped from his seat. Challenging, he grinned at Daniel, who rose slowly.

"And what makes you think that this time it will be better?", He stopped only a few inches from Domen and the air around them began to crackle.

Almost relieved, Domen let himself fall into the beguiling lightness, wrapped his arms around the hips of the Norwegian, pulled him even closer: "Because I think you've misunderstood something: With honey grapes, I'm unbeatable."

"Damn, so I should have taken the buttercereal," Daniel teased him amused.

"Haha, you're such an idiot," exclaimed Domen, who, when he thought of this encounter, would ave liked to sink into the ground again.

"You don’t have to feel embarrassed." When Daniel then stroked over his fiery red cheeks, it was enough for Domen. Daniel clearly needed to be reminded of who had the upper hand here, he thought, poking Daniel into the side without warning. Daniel flinched violently because he was actually ticklish. Grinning, they stood facing each other while Domen slowly raised his hand threateningly once more. Ready to attack.

"No! Hey! Stop! This is - unffffffaiihhhhaiiiir ", the Norwegian dodged, staggering back a few steps and catched on the cable of the Playstation. In a last attempt to regain his balance, Daniel clung to Domen, who also stumbled. With a loud scream, they landed on the floor next to the bed.

Startled, they stared at each other for a moment before bursting out into laughter. Quite natural, Domen's hand stroked a strand of hair from Daniel's face, which had fallen over his eyes. They looked into each other's eyes, sucked in the moment and fell silent. Silence descended upon the space that held the world for a moment. Layed Protecting itself like a cocoon around the two and put all doubts and difficulties out of the way. The kind of silence that triggered pure exploding happiness.

Dreamy, Domen let wandered his hand. Over Daniel's neck, up to his cheeks, which he grazed briefly, then buried it again in Daniel's hair. Daniel didn’t take his eyes from Domen. He watched with wide eyes that Domen bent over him. Their lips touched and they began to fly. It was one of those rare moments that felt like eternity.

Domen had no idea how long they had been lying on the floor. And he didn’t care. It didn’t matter that the ground was hard under them. It didn’t matter that his arm was probably dead now because it was unfavorable lying on it. Never mind that the ugly lamp blinded him if he looked up at the ceiling.

Blissfull, he huddled against Daniel, crossed their legs and enjoyed Daniel's hand, which stroke his back. Wearily, Domen rested his head on Daniel's chest. And he found out that he liked to listen to the Norwegian's heartbeat. Which started even to vibrate. 

Irritated, Domen looked up as Daniel began digging in his pockets. "Would have been too nice", sighed the Norwegian and pulled his cell phone out of his pocket, which would give no peace.

"Just ignore it," Domen suggested sluggishly as Daniel briefly scanned the news he had missed within the last two hours. "What?"

"Anders. He's coming in a few minutes. And I'm supposed to number my bones before ... Ohhhhh, "Daniel groaned horrified.

"What did you do?" Domen asked curiously.

"Nothing! Well ... almost nothing, "replied Daniel sheepishly and continued to speak in the face of Domens raised eyebrow," I made Anders a blind date with Silje. "

"Anders and Blondie? How did you come up with that idea? They hate each other’s guts, "commented Domen in astonishment.

"Yes, now, I know that, too", the Norwegian dropped his head on the ground again. "I wish we could just stay here. Forever."

"Yes," Domen breathed, sinking back onto Daniel's chest. Staring wistfully into nothing, knowing that their togetherness would soon be over.

Sighing, Daniel pulled him a little closer to him and pressed him a kiss on his head.

One last moment, Domen allowed himself to enjoy Daniel's closeness before straightening up. Daniel began to protest. "No! What are you doing? ", He pulled the Slovenian back again. To himself. So that he could feel his breath on his cheek again. "You're driving me crazy, Butterprincess," he confessed before kissing Domen.

Until Daniel's phone began to vibrate again. "Daniel ...", mumbled Domen between two kisses.

"Mmmh ...", the Norwegian replied unmoved.

"We should ... really ... stop," Domen admonished, not even convinced of his own suggestion. He let his hand slowly move down Daniel's chest, before turning sideways, poking Daniel again.

"Ahhh! Butterprincess! "Daniel winced, glaring at him. "That was mean."

"I know," Domen grinned, giving Daniel a quick kiss on the lips, before he rose with a loud groan and shook his arm, which was maltreated with thousands of pinpricks. Only when his arm had calmed down did Domen realize that Daniel was watching him all the time. "What?"

"Nothing. I ... I just still can’t believe this isn’t a dream, "Daniel confessed with a shrug and caused Domen goosebumps.

Instead of an answer, Domen grabbed Daniel impetuously and involved him in another wild kiss. At the same time, he pushed the Norwegian back, until Daniel finally crashed with his back against the door and its door knob.

"Ahhhh!" Cursed Daniel, wincing in pain. Immediately Domen let go of him. "Shit! Ow! Remind me that in future I will only let Anders kill me ... Ow! I think he's more humane. "  
"Says the guy who didn’t even manage to fall into the bed," Domen countered, looking at Daniel worriedly. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah ..." Daniel stroked his back as Domen grabbed him and pulled up the Norwegian's T-shirt to get an overview. Carefully, he stroked above Daniel's soft skin in search of any injuries.

"So, you know," Daniel gasped as he felt Domen's fingers, which would surely lead them both into destruction if he wouldn’t do anything now. "If you were so keen on ending up in my bed, seeing me naked, a word would have been enough and- AU! Hey! Is that how you deal with seriously injured people? "Daniel complained, grumbling about Domens knock with the fist on his head.

"That serves you right," Domen muttered, his cheeks burning. "This is going to be a bruise and now, I have to go so that Anders could kill you in peace more humane", Domen pushed past the door when Daniel grabbed him by the arm. Forced Domen to look him in the eye. Into a forest clearing interspersed with sparkling sunbeams. A forest clearing that was just too tempting to test how long eternity could be.

"I ... um ..." Daniel began as he studied Domen in front of him. "I ... so ... it ... that ... Chrm ... was a nice evening", the Norwegian finally managed to say.

Because Domen knew he should reciprocate something. Because every normal person would have wanted to say something. But Domen just couldn’t. He just stood there. In front of Daniel wide-eyed and couldn’t speak. Because there was something that blocked something inside of him while it took the air out of Domen. Or was it Daniel who took the air out of from him?

Anyway, Daniel did it with his kiss. The way he pressed him against the door with his body and held his face in his hands. His fingers brushed his cheeks. The way he made him feel alive. He could have told him, that he was able to live without oxygen and he would have believed him.

"Good night, Butterprincess," Daniel finally whispered, releasing their kiss. Lovingly he pushed his nose against Domens before he finally released the Slovenian.

"Night," Domen breathed, still paralyzed by their kiss as Daniel stretched out his hand in his direction. He almost protested as the arm passed under his arms to the door and opened it instead of grabbing him. Only the cold of the hotel lobby, let him halfway to his senses.

He turned involuntarily, staring out into the dark, deserted hall before finally moving. One last time he raised his hand in farewell, before he climbed the steps to his floor in the bright moonlight that shone through the large glass front of the stairwell.

Muzzy, Domen touched his lips, still believing that he had Daniels on his when he finally found himself in front of his and Anze's room as if by magic. He tried to get off the feeling of being high. Tried to get his facial features returned to normal as he blindly fumbled for his keys in his pocket. Because he hadn’t found anything, he changed the side, but only found his cell phone. Then he pats down his jacket pockets and tried again in his trouser pockets, although the odds weren’t very high that they suddenly had appeared there.

Shit. Softly, he knocked on the door, hoping that Anže was back from his date with Iva. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and wrote a message. Nothing. Maybe he was already asleep, thought Domen, and began to hammer louder against the wood as he dialed Anze's number.

"What the-", the door opposite opened, annoyed. Peter realized with surprise who he had in front of him. "Domen! Why are you trying to smash the door?"

"I'm not trying- I mean, I was just knocking ... forgetting my key. But Anže isn’t there yet, "Domen pointed out, remembering how they had used to interact years ago. And How much he wanted that back.

"Where had you been?", Peter asked without the trace of a reproach in the voice, as if it was the most normal in the world.

"Um ... Playing table soccer?", Domen stared uncertainly at his brother. Could he be mind-reading?

"Do you want to wait at my room?" -

"Are you sick?", It finally burst out of Domen.

"Why?" -

"No sermon? No: ‘can’t you even get your thoughts together’? "Domen still unconvinced, wondering how probable it was that Peter's body had been taken over by a friendly alien.

"Too tired," Peter merely shrugged and stepped back from the door, "So what now? Are you coming in or do you want to wait in the corridor? "

"I'm coming in," Domen replied and slipped past Peter into the room, where the television light was flickering. Curious, Domen entered. "What? No! Seriously? ", Domen clapped his hands in high spirits.

"Somehow I felt like it," Peter confessed with the touch of a grin as Domen grabed for his nonexistent superhero cloak and pretended to hold it in front of his face.

Darkly, Domen looked around the room and lowered his voice: "I am the terror of the night fluttering. I am the Dutch manual for your Japanese video recorder. I'm Darkwing Duck!"

"Oh no! You're doing it totally wrong! Darkwing Duck isn’t a chicken that shakes its wings anxiously, "Peter said seriously. "Besides, you've picked out the worst spell ever. Watch out and learn, "he challenged Domen, who stood speechless in front of him and watched as Peter gracefully moved his arms up and down, as if he were an eagle: " I am the terror that flutters through the night, I'm the battery that's not included in the purchase price ... "

Laughing, Domen watched his brother standing with one leg on the edge of the bed for the grand finale. Peter raised his hand in victory to the sky. "I'm ... Darkwing Duck!" Peter announced threateningly, dressed only in boxer shorts. "Chrm ... you see? That's how it works, "Peter cleared his throat and dropped onto his bed.

"I bow to Master," Domen snorted, sitting down next to Peter. Remembered rainy afternoons spent together in front of the TV and felt for the second time in a few hours backtracked in good old times. And apparently, he wasn’t the only one today who relied on his nostalgic memories.

"Have seen it often enough" Peter growled beside him, embarrassed. Apart from his brothers, nobody knew of his weakness for this children's series. Not even his girlfriend.  
"What Cene always liked to rub it in your face because he ... What did he always wanted to watch?" Domen tried to remember.

"The Care bears," replied Peter, who was shivering at the memory alone. Cene has always had a bad movie taste.

"Right. But we were a good team, both of us, "wistfully a smile crept into Domens face as he remembered how he and Peter had hid the remote control from Cene in the fanciest places. In the houseplants, in the laundry, even the cereal box had the remote control seen from the inside.

"Yes ..." Peter agreed. "Only the kettle ... that wasn’t necessarily the best idea ..."

"Who could have guessed that Mum is making a tea in the middle of midsummer," Domen automatically said. The burnt kettle hadn’t only earned them a sermon of epic proportions, but also a full week of house arrest.

"Its name was Cool Summer Breeze," Peter replied dryly, before both brothers snort with laughter.

And Domen suddenly fell silent, remembering their conversation in the morning. At everything, he had said to Peter in the past few weeks. At everything, he had apparently forgotten about. "I'm sorry, Pero."

Domen tensely watched his brother from the side, who had fallen silent, staring straight ahead. "I know. I am, too."

In unfamiliar closeness, both of them stared at the television as a small vibration sounds out of Domen's pocket.

"Anže?" Peter asked casually, when Domen unlocked his cell phone. He received four new messages. All of Daniel.

_I miss you. I hate that you aren’t with me._

_Forget it. Wasn’t meant like that._

_That isn’t true. You just shouldn’t know it. Don’t know why this was sent now ..._

_But ... actually I know it. Because I wanted you to know, I miss you. I can’t stop thinking about you. I hate that you aren’t with me._

Stunned, Domen stared at the brightly lit screen, aware of Peter's eyes.

"Chrm ... no ... just ... um ... school friend. A school friend. Homework, and um ... a bit of gossip, "Domen replied giddy. With the words of Daniel in his head. They frightened him because they implied a future. He hastily put his cell phone back in his pocket as if so, the news would disappear ths way from his memory.

"Gossip? Must be interesting gossip, "remarked Peter so emphatically disinterested, that he could have asked directly.

"I ... yes. Um ... "Domen stammered, feverishly searching for something to tell Peter. "Milan, Vito and Jaro have ... I mean ... er ..."

"Now stop stammering and spit it out! I promise: no sermon, "Peter interrupted his brother as another vibration sound through the room. "Must be really good gossip."

"I ... er ...", Domen nervously pulled the phone out of his pocket, because he could ignore it badly. Holding his breath, he stared at the green speech bubble and was almost relieved when he recognized Anže's profile picture, who joyfully announced that he was back in their room. "Anže", Domen said a trace too relieved. "Um ... I mean ... he’s back."

"Fine, but I am serious: no moral sermon," insisted Peter. And Domen would like to had scream. Screaming, because tonight they had been the ones who they had been before the sport. Screaming, because he didn’t want to lie to Peter but had to. Screaming, because Peter probably knew he was lying to him and still listening. Screaming, because his guilty conscience almost ruined him. Screaming, because of Daniel. Because of Peter.

"Okay ... they had ... a ... uh .... Pool party. Stolen the key from the janitor and- "Domen was interrupted by his cell phone again. Nervously, he unlocked it. Another message from Daniel:

 _I'll beat you tomorrow anyway. So, no false hopes: P_

His eyes quickly flew over the message. Were almost relieved about the content, because he could answer it. Because he could handle taunts. Squeezed his cell phone into his small jacket pocket.

"Yeah ... um ... and have a pool party there. With alcohol and then emergency lights from police cars, "Domen added as he got up. 

"Oha ... Well ... um ... one is ... only once ... young", commented Peter, visibly wrestling with himself to not start an argue with Domen again. And that was the point, Domen knew, he had to go now. He couldn’t stand Peter any longer because he made an effort and Domen lied to him as a reward because his life was a mess.

"Yes, isn’t it? You probably only really lived when you were led away with emergency lights once in your lifeteime, "Domen tried to joke, as he tied his shoes. "See you tomorrow, then!"

"Yes! See you tomorrow- Oh hey, wait! "Peter shouted from inside, as Domen already had his hand on the doorknob. "You've lost your cell ph-," Peter announced, when he suddenly fell silent. Panicked, Domen, handing his hand into his jacket pocket. But it was empty. 

Looking up he saw Peter, who stood in front of him. Chalk-white, holding up the brightly lit mobile phone. With the messages of Daniel on the screen.


	34. Peter / Anders - Bischofshofen - Day of competition

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Peters Part: Exit Empire - Ignore me   
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=avXtxze2pMo 
> 
> For Anders' Part: Our last night - Sunrise  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uSWEgV9C8dA

_PETER stared absently into the room, which was flooded with sunlight. The sixteen-year old Slovenian was sitting at the big kitchen table at home, in front of him his math homework, which he still wanted to do before the upcoming afternoon training. At the same time, he distant stirred his muesli, oblivious to himself, when his father, who was sitting opposite him, suddenly broke the silence:_

_"Now look at this one! And who will pay this? Of course, the taxpayer! "He exclaimed indignantly, rustling the big daily paper in his hands. He was checking the news, just like every day during his lunch break._

_Peter looked up briefly, but when he noticed that his father hadn’t addressed him, only talked to himself, he devoted his full attention again to the task in front of him. He munched on the end of his pencil as his mother plunged into the room. "I'm late. Will you pick Nika up at the kindergarten later?"_

_"Here! Did you see that, Julijana? This is supported by our tax money! ", Peter's father scolded again. Annoyed, Peter rolled his eyes. He wanted to do his homework with silence around him._

_"What?" Curiously, his mother leaned over his father's shoulder and scanned the article pointed to by his father._

_"Just because some idiots got drunk. I mean, the few smearings! These are pranks! And now they show off in front of everyone! As if we had no other problems in this country! The police should rather deal with real crime and not with these spinners, "he continued to rage._

_"Božidar!", His wife reminded him to rest. "This is damage to property, and it happened not the first time."_

_"And it won’t be the last time either. I mean, they knew what they were getting into, didn’t they? There were several protests against this gay and lesbian center before the construction. Nevertheless, they have insisted on this building. Okay, whatever. But now these... these people must live with the consequences and not blame the authorities, "Bozidar Prevc scolded._

_"Don’t get upset! You can’t change it anyway, "shrugged Peter's mother, looking around the kitchen for the car keys._

_"I'm not upset. I only wanted to say it. It's not like I have anything against these people, but that’s enough. Have you ever stopped by there? Everywhere these colorful flags. They provoke people downright! The last time, as I have drove Cene to his buddy, there were two of them. Right in front of the center. They kissed each other, in public! Two men! And that wasn’t the first time! Childrens are passing by! Think about, what they teach with their lifestyle! Which values. They can live as they pleases. And I don’t want to know how, but please not in public. Didn’t they teach them any decency? ", Indignantly struck Peter's father with his fist on the tableand made Peter cringe._

_"Dad! Look at what you did! ", Reproachfully pointing Peter to his notebook. He had accidentally drawn a thick line across the notebook. "Now I can do everything again!"  
"Sorry, but what has to be said once, must be said. The politicians don’t dare. We live in a tolerant society, "his father shook his head and it was clear what he thought about it. "Remember you, boy: Stay away from them! Most of them celebrate too much and end their lives by the end of their twenties. Have no prospects. They end up in the gutter. Drug addicted and ill with AIDS. "_

_Annoyed, Peter looked at his father. "Thanks for this important lesson, Dad. Nevertheless, I can do the homework later once again, "he grumbled and looked at his watch. "And I'm late for training because of you."_

_"Oh, should I take you? I can kick you out at the hill, sweetheart, "his mother offered, scanning the mountain of bits and pieces on and in front of the microwave._

_"That would be great!" Peter replied and shoveled the last of his cereal into his mouth and ran into the hallway to pack his things._

_"Oh, and Bozidar-"_

_"I'll pick up Nika later. Don’t worry, "Peter heard his father rustling with the newspaper, and a short while later, a loud smacking sound came from the kitchen that told Peter that his parents were just saying goodbye to each other with some kisses._

_"Food for the boys is in the microwave. See you later, darling, "he heard his mother's affectionate voice as she hurried down the hall and frantically checked her watch. "Okay, but now, we really need to hurry."_

Stirred up, Peter stared through the darkness at the ceiling. Plucked his blanket into the right place. Annoyed, he plumped up his pillow. And lied down again. Closed his eyes. Opened them again. Grabbed his alarm clock. 01:01o'clock. Laid it back again. A car drove by on the road in front of the hotel. It let shadows dance on the ceiling. Broke the monotone silence for a short time.

Why hadn't he notice? Or didn’t he want to notice? How many times had he had that vague feeling in his stomach? The slight plucking of his subconscious mind, that had wanted to make him think more about it? About the gazes? The way Daniel looked at his little brother. How Domen had looked at the Norwegian suddenly, if they had met each other outside of the sport. The way they interacted. Daniel's hand, which had accidentally touched Domens hand, but remained a few seconds too long.

Restless, he rolled over on his side again. He forced himself to close his eyes so that he would at least have a few more hours of restful sleep. Opened them again. Grabbed his alarm clock. 01:03 clock. Laided himself back on his back. Stared up to the ceiling. Crazy as time went by.

He wished he could turn back time. With his knowledge of now. Then many things would’ve been different. Then he wouldn’t have reacted that way today. Had Domen not just kick out. He didn’t even know what possessed him. But the thing with Daniel... It had blown a fuse. What had he done?

Tired, Peter turned to the other side. Staring at the closet, where their jump suits hung. He turned around almost immediately, because the suits reminded him of his failure. And its consequences. He had been so busy being jealous of Domen, that he hadn’t noticed.

Sighing, Peter rubbed his eyes. Let his arms fall back onto his blanket. His nerves were strained to the utmost. He was dead tired, though he was wide awake. He wriggled to the side again.

"What's going on?", Jurij's voice sounded across the room.

"You're awake," Peter replied in surprise, staring at the dark blanket next to him. Recognized the outlines as Jurij turned to him.  
"Yeah ... as if I am able to sleep with that noise?", Jurij muttered sleepily and yawned. 

"Which noise? Did you dream weird? "-

"Your thinking sounds so loudly across the room, it's a wonder I'm not deaf yet," Jurij said dryly, yawning again.

"No, um ... I just can’t sleep. That's all, "Peter played down the issue, simply because he always did. Because he had his problems under control.

"And is this insomnia more due to your self-imposed compulsive break or to your brother?" Jurij asked unimpressed.

"I told you-" -

"That's nothing that can’t be solved with a bit of time," Jurij finished sighing. 

"Exactly." -

"But you've often said that lately, but you never really sounded convinced by yourself," Jurij objected.

"Maybe. There are just a lot of things, buzzing around in my mind, "Peter admitted in a tone that made Jurij understand he wouldn’t give any further information. It was nobody's business.

Yawning, the older Slovenian pulled the blanket until under his nose. "Then let your thoughts flutter gently. At the moment even fighter jets would be more quieter and I need my beauty sleep", muttered Jurij, whose eyes had already fallen closed again.

Disgruntled, Peter turned his gaze back to the ceiling. The restlessness made him crazy. Nevertheless, he forced himself to lie quietly. To breathe evenly, because he didn’t want to disturb Jurij. Until he could stand it no more, he folded the blanket back and his feet lowered to the cold floor. Walking on tiptoes, Peter picked up his clothes from the chair, ran into the bathroom and dressed. It just had no purpose, he wouldn’t fall asleep.

Carefully, he stepped out of the bathroom, fumbled in the darkness for his cell phone and his keys, put on his sports jacket and his jogging shoes. The hotel corridor was almost ghostly. The soft closing of the hotel room door rang Peter's ears as loud as if it had be the Big Bang. With his collar up to his chin and his beanie pulled down until his eyes, Peter ran aimlessly down the gloomy corridor until he reached the staircase. Blinded by the bright moonlight that filtered through the sweeping windows, he stopped.

Fascinated, Peter stared at the dark rooftops that the moon illuminated, white and snow-covered. A winter idyll that invited you to dream. Jumped out of a fairy tale. In the midst of countless rooftops, the spire towered upwards. Stabbed straight into the starry sky. Held by massive walls.

Domen had dropped so many appeals for help and he had simply ignored it. Had been too busy with his own life. Hadn’t been able to react because the jealousy had clouded his perception. How many times had Peter wondered why Domen had to jump that good, while he was crawling around in his swamp again. Hadn’t he secretly wished, that Domen got a ticking-off?

Domen was right: he was far from perfect. Even if he really forgot that for a short time now and then. Because everybody treated him like if he was. They put him on a pedestal. The success had changed him. Only he had never wanted to believe that. Had, what was written about him, confused with reality too often. Until Domen had joined the team.  
The perfect facade had begun to crumble. Had reminded him, that he had mistakes. That he had been too focused on himself. Looking for help, Peter turned his gaze to the small cross on the spire, which was barely visible to the naked eye.

How Domen was doing now? When he thrown him out, he hadn’t said a word. Domen had remained silent. He had pushed him away. Had denied Domen the help he so obviously needed. That wasn’t what he had been taught. It had just shocked him. Sighing, he pulled his mobile phone out of his pocket. Became dazzled, when he switched it on in the dark. Impatiently he waited for it to boot up after entering the code.

Peter opened the messenger and clicked on his chat with Domen. _Last online 01:39_ , he read directly under the name of his brother. Now it was 1:51. Peter was obviously not the only one who had a sleepless night. Determined, the Slovenian began to type:

 _Can we talk?_

Uncertain Peter waited for a reply from Domen. Starred at the info line, that changed to _online_ after a while. Peter nervously stepped from one leg to the other as he saw, Domen was tapping an answer.

 _Gym._

Relieved, Peter read the message until it became clear to him that it was his fault Domen wasn’t lying peacefully asleep in his bed. Hurriedly, he put his cell phone back in his pocket and started running. The stairs down to the basement. Just in front of the gym, his footsteps slowed down again. He paused in front of the heavy iron door before pushing it open.

The room was brightly lit, but almost deserted. Only from the small gymnastics room opposite sounded a strange noise through the silence.

Cautiously, Peter peeked around the corner and saw Domen standing in front of a punching bag, on which he punched like a madman. Peter briefly asked himself if Domen had hung a picture of him on the punching bag. Nervously, he touched his neck.

"Is this going to be a conversation at some point, or are you just staring?" Domen broke the silence, staring at him through the reflection of the glass.

"No ... I ... I'm sorry! I was just ... kind of ... um ... overwhelmed. To be honest, I was just unable to cope with it." Stumbling, Peter stepped into the room because he didn’t know how to start.

Nodding, Domen turned back to his punching bag and struck again. Silently, Peter watched his younger brother. How could he explain to Domen how sorry he was that he hadn’t understood, though the younger one had given him enough clues?

"And what will you do now?" Domen asked between two strokes. His eyes fixed on the punching bag, his back straight up. Peter was sure that Domen was taking cover. He braced himself for his reaction. And Peter felt like Domen had beaten him. It wasn’t all the same to Domen, what he thought of his younger brother. That he had understood this morning.  
"Helping you, of course! ", Peter exclaimed energetically, as if something else wasn’t up for debate. His brother stopped for a moment before looking at Peter again. "Somehow we get that back on track!" Peter reassured him and let himself sink to the ground. Knocked on the square next to him. It hurted the older Slovenian that Domen had believed that he would let him down. "How long is this going?"

Hesitantly, Domen sat down next to Peter. "No idea. In Oberstdorf something has changed. But... actually, only since yesterday, "Domen muttered softly to the floor.  
"Okay, we'll fix it. Don’t worry. There's nothing too late, "Peter began, almost relieved, and went on to propose his idea to Domen." First, I suggest you keep distance to Daniel. "  
"WHAT?!"

Puzzled, Peter frowned. "Well, I thought, a little distance- I mean, you have to admit, Daniel isn’t really a good influence and-"

"What are we talking about?"

"Getting you back on the right track of course! I told you, I'll help you, "Peter replied in surprise, not quite sure what Domen was getting at. "What do you think?"

"I don’t know that anymore," Domen mocked, shaking his head. "I somehow ... naive as I obviously am, believed that, although you kicked me out earlier, you could... I don't now, what I thought... But not that! " Domen said in frustration. Peter was shocked, how confused his younger brother was.

"But that only shows that you really don’t want it. That your common sense tells you that this is the wrong way, " Peter told him, and was really relieved.

"My common sense would like to punch you at the moment, too" Domen said stubbornly.

Slowly, Peter lost his patience because he didn’t know what exactly was again Domen's problem. "Please, think about it: Why are you so ... unbalanced? Unfocused? Since when did you lose the focus on the essentials? I mean, do you realize that with this shit, you risk your whole career? Why else is the tournament going bad for you? It all just happened because you suddenly spent time with Daniel! For the Norwegian, this lifestyle may be okay, but you should want something better for you!"

"Let Daniel out of there!" Domen growled beside him, which only strengthened Peter's opinion. To be able to think clearly again, his brother had to leave the Norwegians influence urgently.

"Listen, let's take a little break together. Two weeks away. Then you have enough distance from Daniel. Use the chance to find to yourself again. I-"

"What if I don’t want to?" Domen interrupted him, but Peter could clearly hear the slight trembling in his brother's voice.

"I beg you, you know it's wrong," Peter replied confidently. It was completely a mystery to him, how one could choose such a life. He wondered gloomily what the Norwegian had done to his brother. It was all his fault. He should have taken better care of him. "Why else, you haven't told anyone? Why else does nobody know about Daniel? We all make mistakes Domen. We all had been young and insecure and made mistakes, guided by our confused feelings. That is puberty. That is okay. But at some point, you have to realize that this is a mistake. That you can't trust your feelings sometimes, "explained Peter, sympathetically reaching for his brother's hand, which he hastily withdrew.

"And what about all these websites? Guides and platforms on the Internet? Those who say it's okay? Daniel said it’s okay", Domen continued to cling to fragile straws, which Peter knew would collapse.

"Of course, he did. But did you take a closer look at these websites? The problems that are addressed? AIDS, drugs. Do you really want to put your life to shame? Don’t you want to have a real family? And did you ever think of Mom and Dad? "Peter continued, although he saw Domen turn pale next to him. Because he would never forgive himself, otherwise, Peter thought. "There is a reason why homosexual acts were still punishable up to 50 years ago. Why our faith doesn’t allow them. God didn’t create man and woman just for fun. But you can cure that, doi- "

"So, I'm sick, right? Disabled in the head? "Domen jumped up angrily. Desperate, confused, and frightened, he stood in front of Peter.

"No," Peter rose slowly, knowing that he now had to be careful and appease Domen. Before he completely would stonewall. "I just want the best for you!"

"How exactly do you want to know what's best for me? I don’t want to hear that! Not a word more! "Domen demanded overwhelmed. He slowly backed away, almost tripping over his own feet until he just turned and ran out of the room.

"Domen! Domen! Come back! We’ll fix it! This isn’t as bad as it looks now! "Peter ran after his younger brother seconds later screaming when he heard the door that fell into the lock. Cursing, Peter crossed the room. Tore the door and looked into the dark, long corridors of the hotel, which were deserted and silent in front of him. "Crap!"

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

ANDERS put one foot after the other ill-humored. Shuffled down the stairs for breakfast because he wanted to go jogging. Couldn’t endure Daniel with his mood no longer. The happy grin. The humming. Can you feel the love tonight! Pff! That was going far beyond a joke. It annoyed him, especially if he thought of yesterday's catastrophe. But what had he expected? Not that, if he was honest.

Tormented, he thought back to yesterday evening. After they had overcome the first tedious and embarrassing silence, when Silje had realized with whom she would spend the evening, they had had an amazingly harmonious time. Completely relaxed, they strolled through the small cozy Christmas market of Bischofshofen. They had drunk children's punch, had shared a bag of roasted almonds and enjoyed the peaceful atmosphere. Until they ended up in the small restaurant, completely frozen. Their topics of conversation had suddenly become more intimate. Silje had told him about her plans to apply by the larger newspapers to finally try her skills outside of her father's radius. And then, just as she was in the middle of describing her dream career, she had to start to talk about her serious longing for a relationship. She had looked at him smiling over the candles. With a look, he couldn’t quite interpret, but which had made him nervous. For the first time that evening, he had really realized that this was supposed to be a date and he had quickly changed the subject.

Grimly, he thought of the reaction when he had told the blonde that he wanted to concentrate on the sport. To be a Ski jumper was usually limited to a short time. And he didn’t know what was wrong with that. No, how had she called it? Sad! Pah! As if! His life was sparkling with joy sparks!

And then one thing had turned up the other. What do you do here, when the sport is your only life content?, she had wanted to know and pressured him. To tell her then, that Daniel had coerced him, and he would never have gotten the idea otherwise in life, because she always had to make a huge drama out of everything, had been probably not the best idea then. But he had just been so angry! Had he criticized her life plans? No. Why was she even interested? After all, that was his life and Silje wasn’t a part of it.

He didn’t long for a relationship like Daniel! He didn’t look at anyone with that lovable, dreamy, absent-minded look. Hannah had cost him enough time and energy. He just had- Why the hell had he let happened the last evening?

Excited voices came out of the foyer, tearing Anders out of his thoughts. Behind a palm tree in a corner in front of the corridor leading to the dining room, the older Prevc brothers stood and argued violently. Glad about a little distraction, Anders wondered, if the Prevc brothers ever had normal conversations when Peter stormed away without a word and just left his brother, who teared his hair out. Fascinated, he stared after Peter, who ran up the stairs, crushing rocks between his teeth.

Shaking his head, the Norwegian turned around again. And looked directly into brown eyes, which were only a few inches in front of him. "Crap! Cene! ", He reached for the spot behind which his heart was beating wild.

"Hey, uh ... stupid question, but chrm ... you haven’t seen Domen somewhere, or have you?", The Slovenian stuttered restlessly in front of him. His eyes kept slipping through the lobby.

"No. What's going on?" –

"Uhm ... I don’t know. That's-ah-shit, already so late, "cursed his counterpart.

Confused, Anders followed Cene's line of sight and landed in Silje's eyes, which darkened dangerously when she spotted him. Angry, he glared back before he turnedaround, snapping with his fingers impatiently in front of Cenes face to regain his attention.

"What- um- yes. Domen. A little dispute with Peter. Um ... you don’t happen to know where Daniel is right now? ", Cene put himself together again and asked Anders just a bit too inconspicuously.

"Didn’t you wanted to know where Domen is?", He stared at Cene, grabbed him by the upper arm and pulled him into a corner.

"Hey!" Exclaimed the Slovenian outraged, who nervously avoided Anders' gaze. No matter what was going on, that wasn’t just a little dispute with Peter. "I ... um ... well- how should I explain that?" Cene stammered uncertainly. 

"I know it, Cene."

"You know it?" Relieved Cene sighed. "It's exhausting. Why is there no codeword for such a thing? A kind of identification for all initiates? This is like-"

"Prevc!" Anders interrupted the meaningless babbling Slovenian, because he was sure that they had quite different problems. That Daniel would have completely different problems, who was at the moment happily humming in their hotel room.

"I have no idea. It's Peter. He knows it. And well, he is not enthusiastic and has- no idea ... The two had an argument and- Domen isn’t at breakfast. Anže hadn’t seen him since last night. I just have a bad feeling, "Cene gushed out, lifting his arms helplessly.

"Shit!" Was all Anders could think of. Daniel would freak out. Ironically now, where he was actually recovering himself for the first time in his life. And had the prospect of having something like a happy relationship. Even if it was with the pighead.

"You named it-"

"Morning Cene!"

At some point he would kill the blonde. Very slowly, Anders thought grimly, as Silje appeared unasked next to them. Cene looked expectantly at her and ignored him. "Do we want to go?"

"I just chrm have to find Domen before", the Slovenian said a little bit too absent minded and Anders realized that with each word he took on a darker complexion. Silje seemed to be tackling her project with full energy, and it didn’t care that she was obvious disturbing here. 

"Okay, then ... just join later," the blonde nodded understandingly to Anders’ surprise. He would have bet, that she would flipped out, if it was him. With a last smile for Cene and a few chilblains for Anders, caused by the cold shoulder she showed him, the blonde finally left them alone.

"Okay ...", Cene grinned, until Anders finally took him down from his cloud again, recalling that there was something more important now. "Domen disappeared? Daniel in trouble? "Anders waited impatiently for more information.

"Why should Daniel be in troubl- Oh, you mean- No, I don’t think so. I- In addition, he would be targeting Domen, too. -He believes, anyway, that this is just a phase ... That Domen couldn’t cope with all the attention and pressure and that's why his feelings gone wild. Peter wouldn’t bring more tumult in the team. And probably ... he just needs a few days... ", Cene pondered uncertainly, which didn’t calm Anders.

"So you have no idea," summarized Anders, groaning. With probably he wouldn’t be able to reassure Daniel either. "Perfect."

"Yes, shit! What are we going to do now?"

Helpless, the two athletes faced each other. Feverishly searching for a solution. For a way to put everything right again. To spare Daniel the threatening evil.

"First Daniel. He must know what's up. And Domen. Let's talk to the two first. Domen. Maybe he knows what Peter might will do or not, "Anders suggested uncertainly.

"Okay. Good plan. Better than nothing. One problem after another: You, Daniel. I'm looking for Domen, "Cene nodded as he rummaged his phone out of his pocket and handed it to Anders. "If Domen should be with Daniel, you can let me know."

Anders Finger hastily flew over the keys before their paths parted and the Norwegian climbed the steps, taking three at a time. His thoughts were racing. He had no idea how to tell Daniel that Peter knew. That his worst nightmare could come true. 

Domen had changed Daniel. Had almost provoked him to become bolder. To stretch a toe over his safe little prison where he had been pushed. Hastily he ran around the corner, nearly stumbling over Tom's feet.

"Wow, why is everyone in such a hurry today?" The Norwegian asked when he regained his balance. "Did something happen?"

"How so?" -

"Peter come rushing past us a few minutes ago. Was pretty miffed. He even confused the floor, imagine this, "Andreas reported, shaking his head. "Did we miss something?"

"What? No! Everything as always. See you later, "Anders hurried on, ignoring the suspicious glances of his teammates.

Daniel wasn’t allowed to take that away now. Wasn’t allowed to hide again. He wouldn’t let that happen! But how should he tell him? What should he say?

Hesitantly, he put his hand on the doorknob. Pondered feverishly if there might be another way. How he should teach it Daniel best when the door was suddenly torn open from the inside and Daniel screamed in shock because he hadn’t expected Anders.

"Did you forget your key? Or was that your attempt to take revenge? "Daniel asked as he had recovered from his shock and grinned at him.

"No. I- we need to talk, "he pulled Daniel back to the room with a serious expression, closing the door behind them.

"Okaaay ... what's up? Is Silje waiting downstairs with an ax and wants to kill us? "Daniel tried jokingly. As he looked at Anders, he sensed that he was about to wish that it really were. Not knowing how to start, Anders sat down at the table.

"Did you hear something from your Pighead today?" Anders knew he was wasting his breath, but secretly he hoped that the Pighead had already initiated Daniel. But would Daniel then have opened the door with a grin? Probably not. Domen apparently rather let Daniel walk right into a trap.

"No, I- not since last night, but his phone also has a glitch, so ...", Daniel started and finally, destroyed Anders last faint glimmer of hope. "Anders, what's going on here?"  
"Peter knows it. And Daniel: he's not thrilled, "Anders blurted out, realizing that there was no convenient way to pull the ground from under someone's feet. Concerned, he watched as Daniel's face turned white and his friend collapsed inwardly.

"How?", Daniel whispered, and Anders began to repeat tonelessly what Cene had told him. Until he finally fell silent waiting for a response from Daniel, who had closed his eyes and hid his head in his hands. "What have I done?"

"Nothing, damn it!", Anders cursed. "Now stop blaming yourself for everything!"

"No, you-" -

"No, I think I understand that correctly. You are firmly convinced that you were right, right? That there can’t be a sunset for you. Am I not right? ", Angrily, Anders slammed his fist on the table. Angry, that Daniel would gave up that easily.

"But-" 

"No! Damn, Daniel! If you want it to end up different this time, get off your backside and tug the horse into the sunset if needed! Okay, Peter disagrees, but at least Domen seems to have a different opinion, otherwise they wouldn’t have argued! Although it would have been nice if the Pighead had warned you, instead of melting into thin air ... What I wanted to say: Don’t let Peter tell you anything! You’ve come too far to turn around, now."

"You're right ... I must look for him ... I ... shit!" Daniel stammered helplessly. 

"Sure, that you want to talk to him? Perhaps a little bit of time would be more helpful ... ", Anders tried to dissuade Daniel surprised, because he was secretly sure that Daniel should better not have a conversation with Peter under these conditions.

"No! If they really have argued ... shit! ", Daniel began, and Anders would have liked to give his buddy an ass kick, because he obviously already questioning everything.

"Now stop driving you crazy! We should keep calm an- "-

"No. I have to find him, "Daniel insisted to Anders amazement. That was something new.

"Okay ... if you really want to ... Peter is in his room. Must be somewhere above us, "Anders supposed.

"Peter? I'm not talking about Peter. I must find Domen! Shit! He is totally stretched off thin. Who knows what Peter said to him, " Daniel tried to explain.

"But ... I thought ... Domen? That's all? But ... what about Peter? "Stuttered Anders, who could barely believe it, recalling the conversation yesterday at the gym. “Aren’t you afraid of what he could do?”

"Sure, I almost wet myself, "Daniel confessed with a tortured smile," because I'm scared to death of what Peter might do. But Domen probably has a little more angst at the moment."

Anders stared at Daniel, who laboriously won the upper hand over his fears. Everything because of Domen. It was hard to believe for Anders, but then he recalled, how the two were dealing with each other.

"Okay," Anders jumped from his seat and ran to the door. "Let's seek for a Pighead. Can’t be that hard."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick reminder: this is just fiction. I do not want to allege anyone. And next time, I'll be back with Domen again. Hope you stay tuned :)


	35. Domen - Bischofshofen - Day of competition

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Glas Heart Hymn - Paper Route  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Jri7isDclY

_"Arrgh!", Screaming, Domen threw his test his through the abandoned locker room of the sports hall. Once again he had fouled the test up. Chemistry just wasn’t his subject. Although his mother thought that was an extremely weak excuse. After all, Peter had always learned late into the night, although chemistry wasn’t one of his strengths, too. And Peter never got bad grades. Domen saw her disapproving face in front of him and the impending house arrest. "Shit!", He gave his hate object another kick. He perceived the sound of the crumpling paper with utter satisfaction._

_"The name doesn’t always matter, Prevc!"_

_Perfect. The day couldn’t become any better. Smirking, Mikail had entered the room. Calmly, the tall ash-blonde with the ice-gray eyes hung his jacket to the square directly opposite Domen._

_"Not that easy with all the inferiority complexes, eh?" Domen growled back. Mikail had come to their class over a year ago, and from the first glimpse, it was clear they just didn't get along._

_"I'll wipe you out, Prevc! Let's see how you get along without any special treatment for a famous brother, " Fuming, Mikhail planted hisself in front of him. Grimly, they looked at each other._

_"You mean like the last nonexistent twenty times?" Domen wanted to know, grinning provocatively at his counterpart, who narrowed his eyes angrily._

_Domen hated this asshole. Hated his arrogant manner, his arrogant demeanor. Hated it, that he believed he would receive preferential treatment because of Peter. Mikhail blamed all his success on his big brother, who had never trained with him. He had never asked for advice because Peter was too busy. Domen was the one who toiled daily in the weight room. Alone. Without any help of Peter._

_"In your position, I would better take care. Just because your brother is deep in the ass of our ever-popular President Pahor, it doesn’t mean you're untouchable, "hissed Mikail irritably. It was a thorn in his side to be reminded of all the little frictions, he had lost against Domen. "Is it true that he wipes Pahor's ass too?"_

_"Shut your fucking mouth," Domen jostled Mikhail away. Pahor was the bursa, who used Peter for his purposes, not the other way around. And one can hardly say no if the Slovenian president wanted to distinguish you for special achievements. Mikail didn’t care. He took every opportunity to badmouth Peter when the competitions weren’t going well. Domen hated it if the blonde was talking like that about Peter. And Mikail knew it._

_Angered, Mikail regained his balance. He slowly approached Domen, who went into defensive position. "You miserable-" Mikail began as they were disturbed by the crack of the door._

_"Are you butt heads with each other again? Kos rips your ass off if he notices it again, "Vito's voice rang out to them just before the door opened again and the rest of her training group entered. Kos, a not to be underestimated 50-year-old grouch and the sports teacher of their training group, had let them run already countless penalties because they clashed again and again._

_Mikail snorted contemptuously, taking aim again at Domen, who was determined not to show weakness. Domen went straight towards Mikail and building up in front of him. If the idiot wanted it that way, then-_

_"Just leave it be," Vito resolutely dragged Domen away from Mikail. "Remember, one wrong step and you will miss the CoC.”_

_"Ass," Domen spat, before reluctantly turning his back on Mikail._

_"Listen to Mommy, coward", provoked Mikhail his opponent and almost had had success, if Vito hadn’t impeded Domen yet another time._

_"Don't always rise to provocation," Vito urged his friend back while he took their things and somehow steered Domen to the other end of the room. Away from Mikail, who still gave him that haughty grin that Domen would have liked to have beaten out of his face. Who formed the word pussy with his mouth, before he devoted himself to his mentally suspended admirers. "Except for Mikail and his idiots, no one here believes you'll get a special treatment."_

_"Mmmh." Surly, Domen pulled his sports shoes out of his pocket, slammed them on the floor. Vito had told him so many times before, but they both knew that wasn’t true. There were many who secretly thought like Mikail. Who suddenly wanted to be friends with him, because they had hoped for any benefits. Or just wanted to get to know his brother.  
Except for Vito, Jaro and Milan._

_"So, what's going on tonight?", The lanky redhead next to him changed the subject while they began to change their clothes._

_"Nothing I know," Domen replied, trying to block out Mikail's voice, announcing what a victim he was. "Skating again?" Suggested Domen, who really missed standing on the board. After that he would feel better._

_"I know something better. Party. At Milan’s house, "Vito announced with anticipation. "With the girls. Maja is there too, "he thrust Domen excitedly into the side, whose mood abruptly sank. He hated listening to his buddies’ rave about Maja. She was a cocked-up bitch that wasn’t interested in anyone but her fingernails. He couldn’t understand the interest in her and the other girls and had no desire to let a shitty day even more get shitty._

_"Shit! Today you say? "Domen hit his forehead as if he had forgotten something important. "Urgh ... I have to take care of Nika and Ema. My parents are on this stupid er ... furniture fair today. "_

_"Again?! Honestly, Dude, at some point you'll end up as a Supernanny instead of a ski jumper, "Vito said, shaking his head before jumping to his feet and leaving Domen alone on the bench. Paradoxically, Domen tought that an evening with Ema and Nika was much better than watching an evening full of strange courtship behavior. "Well, your loss. Because tonight is going to get great! ", Vito shouted grinning over his shoulders and wiggled his eyebrows meaningfully._

Silently, Domen stared at the white door in front of him. He was completely isolated from the outside world. The little room gave him a certain security. The opportunity to think, because he couldn’t push it back this time.

Peter thought he was somehow sick. His mind would resist the path he had taken. Like a virus. He had sounded genuinely concerned, though he had given him another shot with every word. Daniel thought he was just a bit insecure and overwhelmed. Because everything was new. As if only a little time had to pass until he could accept it. Cene saw no problems at all. And he? He had no idea. Floated disorientated in the air because everything started to crumble. How sand melted away in his hands.

Domen racked his brain. Took everything apart. Tried to somehow sort themselves again. To get a clear picture of himself. He rummaged in his memories, which he took apart and tried to classify. For example, he had never noticed how much time he had actually spent with his sisters. He had played with them. On the playground. At home. How many times he had cooked earthworm groats in the doll's kitchen. Or snail slime jam. How much fun he had had, when he read fairy tales to them. Red Riding deliscious morsel in the land of plenty. He always had a flourishing imagination.

Peter and Cene had done that never. None of the guys had done that. Milan always had let run a Disney movie and had gone himself into safety. It never had bothered him. Domen had never thought it strange. And now? Now it almost chokes him.

He had never considered himself a coward either. Never for weak. He had fought Mikail countless times. And even if the thing with Daniel had thrown him off track. He had somehow got it under control. It had been like a distant storm. Only subliminal thunder. Every now and then a small flash. But that he had kept the control. Until now.

Worn out, he stared up over the thin walls of the cabin. To the ceiling, where a glaring neon lamp hung. It left not a milimeter in the dark. Only the walls of the small cabin he was in were a bit outside. A bit shady. Protected him from unpleasant looks. Encounters. There was only him. And the silence.

At least almost. _Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip._ The metallic sound of falling drops of water echoed through the room. _Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip._ At first he hadn’t noticed. _Drip. Drip. Drip._ His pulse had been louder. His heartbeat. The panic. The door he had slammed shut behind him.   
_Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip._ But then he had come to rest. Had started to stare at the door. At the White. The almost invisible grain. The equally white floor tiles. The white walls to the left and right of him. _DRIP. DRIP. DRIP. DRIP. DRIP. DRIP. DRIP. DRIP. DRIP. DRIP._

Continuiously getting louder. DRIP! DRIP! DRIP! Roaring in his ears. _DRIP! DRIP! DRIP! DRIP! DRIP! DRIP!_ Until he had burst out of the cabin. Tried to turn off the dripping. To turn the tap off, so that it finally gave rest like the other two.

_DRIP! DRIP! DRIP! DRIP! DRIP! DRIP! DRIP!_

But he had to find that it didn’t work. The faucet dripped on. Malfunction.

Then he had heard footsteps outside in the hallway, had sprinted back into the cabin and locked himself up because he couldn’t face anyone now.

Peter had run over him. _Drip. Drip. Drip._ Brought him from slight stumbling to faltering. _Drip. Drip. Drip._ To Falling? _Drip. Drip._

Overwhelmed, he leaned backwards. Against the cold hard toilet tank. He pulled his legs against his chestand rest his head on his knees. Domen closed his eyes.

_DRIP! DRIP! DRIP! DRIP! DRIP! DRIP! DRIP! DRIP! DRIP! DRIP! DRIP! DRIP! DRIP!_ Malfunction.

The roaring silence mocked him.

_DRIP. DRIP. DRIP._ Not correct. _DRIP. DRIP._ Different. _DRIP. DRIP. DRIP._ Unnatural. _DRIP. DRIP. DRIP. DRIP._ Bad. _DRIP._

It surrounded him.

_DRIP. DRIP._ Inferior. _Drip._ Abnormal. Weak. _DRIP. DRIP._ Loser. _DRIP. DRIP. DRIP. DRIP._

It circled him. Getting faster and faster.

_DRIP. DRIP. DRIP._ Useless. _DRIP. DRIP. DRIP._ Sick. Broken. _DRIP._ Worthless. _DRIP._ Malfunction. _DRIP._ Inferior. Bad. Not correct. _DRIP._ Victim. Weak. _DRIP. DRIP._ Haywire. _DRIP. DRIP._

He had always been able to push it back. He thought he could just stand over it. And it had worked. Not perfect, but good enough. If he was with Daniel. If he didn’t think or talk about it. About the consequenes. He had built a mental dam that had held back all this.

_DRIP. DRIP. DRIP. DRIP. DRIP._ Not correct. _DRIP. DRIP._ Different. _DRIP. DRIP. DRIP. DRIP. DRIP._ Weak. _DRIP._ Unnatural. _DRIP. DRIP._ Inferior. _DRIP. DRIP._

Domen really thought, he could keep doing shake it off. After he came back from jogging. In the middle of the night. Had he been able to persuade himself, that he didn’t care what Peter thought. Peter had never cared much about him. Anger had replaced his mental overload, which he had let out at the punchbag until he had fallen asleep in the gym exhausted and woke up this morning.

Alone in the night he had convinced himself that he could simply delete Peter's words. Ignoring them. And it had worked out great. He had taken a shower. Without thinking. Almost elated, had opened the door that led into the hotel corridor. Had strolled comfortably up the stairs, now and then had a look out of the window. No problem.

Until he entered the lobby. Noticing Peter, who with his dogged face had stopped directly in front of Cene. And his legs had steered him through the next door. Now he was sitting here. In the toilet room. On the closed toilet seat. Locked in. Staring at a white door. Hearing the tap as it dripped. Wondering, since when he had become so cowardly.

Since when his world had started to dissolve. He had always thought he was unafraid. Reckless. Everything. Just not weak. Or cowardly. But he had often been wrong lately. He never thought in his life that Daniel would ever be that important to him. That they would become so close. Cold shivers were sending up and down his spine. If he was wrong with that ... Why should the rest be true? How was he supposed to judge what was right and what was not?

_DRIP. DRIP. DRIP._ Useless. _DRIP. DRIP. DRIP._ Sick. Broken. _DRIP._ Worthless. _DRIP._ Malfunction. Inferior. Bad. Not correct.   
_DRIP._ Victim. Weak. _DRIP. DRIP._ Broken. 

"Argh!" Domen covered his ears, screaming. Jumped up. He kicked the door. Left a black strip on the white plastic. Took a deep breath. He wasn’t cowardly. Not weak. He didn’t want to be like that! Determined, he pulled his phone out of his jacket pocket, that he had switched off because it had vibrated constantly. Because he had been too coward to retrieve the news.

Hastily, Domen tapped his contacts as soon as the phone was up. Annoyed, because it didn’t respond immediately and instead gave constant beeps. Several news was coming in, which he ignored all. He dialed his sister's number.

Indistinct noise penetrated through the line. "Now give me the phone," Domen heard the annoyed voice of Nika sound from the phone, followed by a faint babble that he supposed was Ema.

"Nika? Do you hear me? Are you there? "Asked the Slovenian through the lingering crackling. Made sure if he had any signal at all.

"Domen? Yes! Excuse me. Ema is annoying. she refuses to lay the breakfast table. I have already done the rolls in the oven ... I can’t do everything ... ", she grumbled, before Domen heard a loud bang and the background noise disappeared completely. Nika had evidently moved to her room. "Why are you calling now?" She asks and came straight to the point. Just wondering which one, Domen thought nervously. "Huh?"

"Not: huh! Peter and the bus driver? Honestly, I'm a little bit disappointed that you didn’t put on a livestream, because I really would’ve loved that, "Nika complained and sounded a bit offended. He had had no idea, how much he had missed it.

"Sorry. Does it comfort you when I tell you that I've missed this historic moment as well? "He tried to soothe his sister and ignored the sting that mauled him when he thought of Peter.

"A little bit. But why are you calling then? "Nika asked suspiciously. "Oh no!", She continued, while Domen was still searching for an understandable reason: "Forget it! You won’t get your old iPod back! A gift is a gift! "

"No! I don’t want it back. I- um ... I watched TV. Until just now. Little Red Riding Hood. And I had to think of you and thought, I'll get in touch. Listen, if there are some news, "Domen explained, even as he wondered why he'd even told her that.

"And to share our top 3 of how to vex my younger siblings the most effective way," commented Nika mockingly.

"What?" -

"Well, that's why you've always ruined my beloved fairy tales. You hated it because you had to stay with us instead of going with Peter and Cene. _Snow White too stupid for everything?_ You were just as bad as Maria's brother, he always just hoaxed us, "Nika grumbled, eliciting a slight grin on Domen's face. He had completely forgotten that, thought the Slovenian, and felt relief rise in him.

"Oh, come on. You had a bit of fun, too. "-" If you think so ... ", Nika commented skeptically, as Domen heard loud voices outside from the hotel corridor.

"I've been there three times already. He is not there! "-

"Now think! He can’t ... nd... smoke... "

Domen waited tensely until they left. That was clearly Cene. He hadn’t recognized the other voice. "Domen? Are you still there?"

"Yes! Sorry. What did you say?" -

"Shit, the buns! Must break up, "he heard his sister curse before the line's piping revealed, she had broken the connection. Baffled, Domen stared at his cell phone. He had forgotten it. How many times he had complained that he had to stay at home.

Lost in thought, he stared at the green speech bubble announcing that he had seventeen new messages. He hesitated for a moment before opening it. Seventeen new messages, but he was only magically attracted of three. Peter's messages.

_Drip. Drip._ Inferior. _Drip._ Abnormal. _Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip._ Weak. _Drip. Drip._ Loser. _Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip._

Slowly he lowered his finger to the chat. He took a deep breath before releasing it to postpone the moment the messages would appear:

_I did not mean it like that. For real. Of course, you aren’t sick. I used a not quite corrrect term. Let me help you._

_Gay fantasies are not the end of the world. Honestly. You’re seventeen. Hormones gettting mixed up. But that's just a phase. It passes again. You will feel better. You just aren't allowed to relent now. Please, don't do something you will regret later._

_Where are you? We can’t just ignore that! Then at least take a look at this page: http://www.bkae.org/index.php?id=957 &L=%B40_

_Drip. Drip. Drip._ "Inquiries from those affected (homosexuals, relatives / parents) to what extent help and even specific therapies for homosexuality are possible and how it can be specifically helped." _Drip. Drip. Drip._ Sick. Broken. _Drip._ "Whoever calls for help should be given help." _Drip._ Malfunction.   
_Drip._ Inferior. Bad. Not correct. _Drip._ "Therefore, I find it quite important to point out that there are not a few homosexuals and lesbians who have the desire to overcome their 'perverse sexual fixation." _Drip. Drip. Drip._ Broken. _Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip._ Not correct. _Drip. Drip._ "For these people who want to get out of this 'subculture' and who believe in a cure, we -as doctors and psychotherapists- should be contact persons!!" _Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip._ Weak. _Drip._ Sick. _Drip. Drip._

Without warning, the phone in his hand made a loud whistle and Domen jerked in shock. His leg sliped off the closed toilet lid and knocked the toilet brush with its metal case down, which had stood on the floor beside him. It caused a hell of a noise. Holding his breath, he looked down as the door in the anteroom opened.

"Hello?" Cene. Slow steps approached the bathroom stalls, and Domen hoped Cene would just disappear.

Again, a whistle sounded across the room. Domen had forgot to silence his mobile phone. "Hah!", Triumphantly Cene stopped in front of his cabin, while the younger Slovenian set his phone hecticly on vibrate modus. "I know you're in there! Come out! "Cene pounded on his door. "That's stupid! Peter will calm himself at some time."

Domen doubted that. Not the way he had looked at him last night. Not if he thought about the messages Peter had sent him. He wasn't even sure if Peter should calm down. Maybe he was right? At the moment he didn't feel like he was normal. Something was wrong with him. 

"Peter just... got stuck ... in the last century. I mean, just because you love Daniel, nothing changes" Cene said, and Domen would have wanted to scream out loud.

Everything had changed. His whole world had turned upside down. And he just couldn't get it sort out again. He had never questioned himself. He had always known who he was, what he wanted and how he got there.

"There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. Gosh, there are people who fall in love with their houseplants! Love is love. You don’t choose it, you’re just like that. "

Yes, he hadn’t chosen that he suddenly couldn’t stop thinking of Daniel. That it felt right, although maybe it was wrong. And maybe he would’ve believed Cene, if he hadn’t suddenly sounded like a damned sales agent, who was eager to get rid of his junk.

"Domen? Would you please answer me, if you don’t want to come out? Domen? You know Peter's wrong, right? "

Did he really know? He had thought over this again and again. Over and over again. Logically, he should knew that. After all, he had read all these guides. But then he thought about it. Thought about how vulnerable he suddenly felt. How powerless. From whom these pages were written. Many of them lifed hidden. Why else did you keep something secret, if it wasn’t somehow wrong? Thiessen had claimed that he had lost his bite.

"Now say something! Since when you knuckle under to Peter? "Cene impatiently pounded on the door. "And hide yourself like a cowardly bunny?"

Since he had no answers anymore. Nothing he could say to Peter. Domen closed his eyes as the door rattled again. Cene's shadow, which Domen had been able to watch through the fifteen-centimeter gap under the door, moved away. "I'll leave you alone," he heard Cene mumble softly before disappearing out of the room.

Domen fixed his eyes tightly on the floor, where blue and orange sneakers appeared and finally stopped at his door. Domen waited for the next motivation speech. He felt bad that Daniel was here to help him and had no idea what was going through his head.

Desperately, Domen watched the shoes that stood with their toes turned to the door. He wished they would go away again and leave him alone because he didn’t deserve Daniel's words or his presence. But to Domen's surprise, silence flooded the room. Only interrupted by the steady dripping of the water and the slow but loud heartbeat in his chest. _Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip._

Until finally Daniel began to speak. Cold and monotone. "Freak." _Drip. Drip._

With the drops of water in strict time. Domen listened upset. “Rear gunner." _Drip. Drip. Drip._

Daniel flooded the silence with words that Domen listened to, although it took his breath away. "Sick fuck." _Drip. Drip._. "Wannabegirl." _Drip._ "Worthless piece of shit." _Drip._ "Victim." _Drip. Drip._ "Fagot." _Drip. Drip. Drip._ "Buttfucker." _Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip._. 

Domen saw Daniel's toes turn away as he stopped speaking. Daniel slid his back against the door and slid down onto the floor. "That is what they tell you. What you believe at some point. You wanted to know how I handle it? How I can stay calm, right? "

Surprised, Domen nodded without realising that Daniel couldn’t see him. Surprised because he wondered how Daniel knew what was going on in his head.

"The truth is: I'm not relaxed. It’s a fight. Again, and again. Day by day. Sometimes easier, sometimes heavier. I… -San was my best friend. A homophobic asshole. I have never loved anyone so much and hated so deeply at the same time. Because suddenly I was of less value to him than an annoying insect. Like I'm not right, the way I am. Bad. Sick."  
Churning, Domen straightened up. He couldn’t take his eyes off Daniel's hands, which lay on the ground. Lost, his hand stroked over the joints of the floor tiles on the other side of the door.

"And I tried to change. I really have. But it didn’t work. And then I felt even more like a loser. Outcasted. Left alone. I hated me for not being able to be just like the others. "  
Daniel's hand balled into a fist. Pounded into the ground oblivious, as if this rage still existed. The hate. The helplessness that Domen understood only too well. Slowly, the Slovenian rose from his place, quietly bridging the distance to the door. Sat down on the floor to Daniel. He gripped under the door leaf to take the hands of the Norwegian, who immediately grabbed his. Leaning back to back, they held hands. Listened together to the raging silence. To the dropping of water. Only seperated by the door.

"I am not above such things, Butterprincess. Neither of us does. And though my mum has been really great, she hasn’t managed to stifle the doubts. I guess everyone is lying, who claims that it leaves him cold. But someday ... you just can’t go on like this any longer. You can’t fight against yourself without plunging you into your own evil. It kills you "Daniel held his hand tightly. 

"But how did you find out what your self is? That you are not ... wrong. I mean, how do you manage to live that way? "Domen asked in desperation, grateful the door was separating them. That he didn’t have to see how Daniel's face contracted in agony. Surprised that Daniel still held his hand and stroke his thumb over the back of his hand, even though he had shortly stopped at his words.

"It took a while. San kept me pretty much trapped. My only escape route was the sport. Because San wasn’t there. The people didn’t know my secret. That made it easier for me to ignore this part. The better I became, the more competitions piled up that no longer took place at home. But even if I forgot it for a few moments, it just didn’t let me go. And then, after a competition- I can't remember when- the flight back home was cancelled, so we had to stay in Munich. For a night. I still don’t know what get me there, but I walked purposefully through this city, where nobody knew me, and just stood in front of this gay bar. "

For a moment, Daniel fell silent as if he were wondering about this still today. Meanwhile, in front of Domen's inner eye, the image of half-naked men in patent leather rose.  
"No idea what I expected, but it was a bog-standard boring bar full of people, talking, drinking beer or cocktails, flirting. Who were holding hands and kissing. They were happy, Domen. There was nothing repellent. Or abnormal. Nothing sick. What really didn’t fit into my view of world at the time. "

"And then you resigned yourself to that? For no reason?" -

"Not resigned. Accepted. I started to research on the internet, logged in to various websites and found out I wasn’t alone. And that no one breaks out in rejoicing, if he finds out that he is gay Nobody shout in happiness: ‘Great, I've always wished this for me! '. "

"Have you ever considered how it would be if you were normal?" -

"Butterprincess, I _am_ normal. We are. "

Silently, Domen stared at the white toilet in front of him, and although he no longer felt so lost, Peter had started something that he couldn’t stop. He didn’t know how to handle it.

"Don’t let Peter persuade you of anything. It's his problem if he can’t handle it. Not yours. The only person who decides what is right and wrong is you. No one else. And what does it change at all that you like men? That's just a tiny part that shouldn’t determine and question everything. "

"Still, you didn’t have a coming out." It was a simple statement that Domen made. That float around in his head.

It made Daniel sigh, as if carrying all the weight of the world on his shoulders. "No. I don’t have done that yet. I couldn’t."

"Mmm," Domen said monosyllabic.

"Not what you expected, right?" Daniel asked sympathetically from the other side of the door.

"The Japanese manual for my laptop was definitely easier," admitted Domen. Self-forgetting, he clung to Daniel's hand, listening silently to the dripping tap, which was no longer tugging at his nerves like it had done minutes before.


	36. Daniel - Bischofshofen - Tag des Wettkampfes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dean Lewis - Waves  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dKlgCk3IGBg

"The grand finale today on NRK. It starts 16:45 o’clock, "said Tom in a monotone voice into the camera and sat down on a bench in front of the Norwegian container. In his hands he held a small red anti-stress ball, which he repeatedly threw in the air and catched. He seemed bored. "But don’t blame yourself if you miss it. I missed the qualification ... So… for those who want to see more of me, we have Ski-TV. Or you can check out my social media channels. "

Already from a distance, Daniel had seen Alex coming purposefully toward the container in which he stood and watched the action outside through the blind.

"Hey!", Tom rubbed his neck indignantly. "What- Oh. Hey boss, "he said sheepishly as he recognized Alex and Daniel was pretty sure, that he dabbled an innocent grin, which was betrayed each time by the mischievous glow of his eyes.

Restless, Daniel turned away. Began to pace back and forth. He pulled his phone out of his pocket. No news. Nothing. Nervously, he stared at the wall as the door to the container opened and Alex came in. "The weather forecasts are unchanged. The wind shouldn’t matter today. Maybe some snow, but you shouldn’t worry about that. The tactic are as we have discussed today: Everything as always. This is a competition like everyone else. That means: Keep warm and active but stay focused. Your trial jump was good. Nice hip pose. Very well turned over the ski. That's the key. If you can do that again, you will be able to rival with Kamil. Just focus on your jump. There will be a result at the end of the day, no matter how it will go. Everything all right so far?"

"Yes, everything's great," Daniel replied automatically.

"Good", satisfied Alex nodded. "Oh, the press knows: No more interviews until the competition is done. As we had discussed. Should anyone try it, it’s your decision, "Alex continued businesslike, glancing at his watch for a moment. "Should you need anything else ... or want to discuss something ...?"

"No ... no ... all right. I can do it. No problem. Everything as always, "Daniel replied and met Alex glance, who suddenly looked skeptically at him. "I mean, I know what I have to do."

He would do it. No panic. Peter would shut up for sure. At least that's what he hoped. They had chosen the best possible strategy to defuse the situation. and at least they had survived the trial round unscathed. That meant it worked.

"Good. Then I suggest, you find something to kill time. Still more than an hour until it's your turn, "Alex nodded, satisfied. The skepticism from his coach’s face was gone. He was such a master in lying, Daniel thought bitterly. "And I will now deal with Anders and Johan and their questions for NRK," announced his coach when the door was opened behind him. Tom, Andreas and Robert came in loudly.

"-Can you imagine that?" - "No!" - "You should stone them!"

"That's my cue," Alex said goodbye to them as the other three sat down. Andreas and Robert were still wearing their jumpsuits from the trial round, which they would quickly change again to keep themselves warm.

Annoyed, Andreas looked at Daniel and rolled his eyes. Robert wasn’t bothered by that, he was far too busy to get upset: "Yes, I think so too. I try so hard! And I still have things to say, just by the way. After all, it's not me, who cuts the speaking times every time, but those incompetent bunglers who call themselves journalists ... "

"What's going on?" Daniel asked Andreas quietly, while Robert continued to rant on. He was fine with every distraction. Any reason to stay in the container was good. And actually, everything was as usual. Absolutely normal.

"Those from the Austrian station looked for interviews and gave Robert to understand, as he sacrificially offered himself, that they would like to hear other jumpers, too" Andreas whispered and couldn’t resist a chuckle. "You should’ve seen his reaction. The tips of his beard have practically swept the floor."

With a faint smile and an understanding nod, Daniel turned his attention back to the angry Robert.

"... always bothering to go into detail on individual things and to show a certain wit and originality. With me there are never standard answers! And what's the thank you for that?! ", the Norwegian wildly waved his sneaker in the air before he finally dropped them onto the bench to finally change his shoes. "They wanted rather to talk to Halvor! He of all people! Halvor Mr. I-have-for-interviews-unfortunately-only-a-limited-vocabulary-and-let-everyone-fall-asleep-Granerud. "

"No good deed goes unpunished," Tom recited prudently and patted Robert on the shoulder encouragingly, before he turned quickly to Daniel: "Did you get your things back yet?"  
"Huh?", He stared confused at Tom.

"Your sports bag? That's why you ran through the hotel like a nutcase this morning ... ", he jogged Daniels memory.

"Yes! Sure. I got everything back! "Daniel hurried to say. "I really abandoned it and forgot it…”

"Abandoned? Didn’t Anders say you confused your bag with Domens bag? ", Andreas wary eyes bored into his. He had already asked him on the way to the hill why he is so quiet.  
"Yes. So actually, I abandoned it, Domen must have put his own next to mine and when he left, he took the wrong one ... ", Daniel shrugged, turned away and pretended to look for something in his pocket, hoping, that Andreas would drop the subject. "Happens, if you don’t muster your thoughts ..."

"You said it. You should have come over yesterday evening: brain jogging extreme, "said Tom menacingly. Uncertain, Daniel's eyes wandered back and forth between Tom, Robert and Andreas. Especially because he didn’t even know that he had even been asked. Probably another lie in which Anders had forgotten to initiate him. He wondered if there was any part of his life left over which he hadn’t lied to his friends yet.

"Huh? Poker is n- "Robert began in confusion as Andreas jumped triumphantly on his feet:  
"Ha! I knew it! Because of lucky streak! For sure! You have counted cards! I knew right away that if you are winning and forgetting your stupid comments, something must be wrong! "

"Who has, who can. Even in the Continentalcup you can still learn a lot, my dear, "commented Tom dryly and Andreas responded. 

Wistfully Daniel observed the verbal battle of his teammates. Andreas and Tom knew each other fora really long time. And they usually behaved like an old squabbling couple when they were traveling together. There was almost nothing the two didn’t know about each other. They carried their feelings within the team openly to the outside. That was normal for them. He wanted that, too. Wanted to be more than the always good-humored Daniel-André Tande. But how should that ever work under these circumstances?

"Honestly, Daniel! You should’ve been there! You know him! You would’ve noticed right away that there is something wrong, "Andreas told the blond Norwegian.

"Yes, sorry. I was tired, yesterday. It was a busy day, "Daniel apologized, struggling to swallow the lump in his throat. The evening with Domen had been just beautiful. For nothing he would have given up the place on the clouds.

"Tired? Didn’t you play Playstation? "-

"Yes. For sure. But I mean, just briefly, "he nervously played with the slide of his zipper. "Then we went to bed early." Maybe Anders and he should start to write flashcards.  
"Daniel ... is everything okay with you?" Worried, the three Norwegians looked at him. He hated himself.

"Sure. Everything's alright ", The lie left his mouth too fast. "Great," he forced a smile. He really had no idea how many times he had said that. How many times he had lied to them. And why they still asked him. He was sure that they all knew he was lying. Ashamed, Daniel turned his eyes away. He pretended to tie the laces on his left shoe. "I ... It's just ... I must jump early today. That's why I always feel like I'm late. That I am miles behind my schedule, you understand? I'm unused to it anymore ... That upsets my inner clock, totally. Do you know what I mean?"

"Sure, that's all?" Tom didn’t let up.

No, but what else could he tell? They would ask why and then he would be forced to come up with more lies. He was simply too tired for that.

"Sure," Daniel jumped up from the bench. A few minutes ago, he would’ve liked to hide himself here and never come out again, because he had felt safe. And it fit in perfectly with their strategy of de-escalation. Now Tom, Andreas, and Robert stood in front of him like walking memorials, who reminded him of what a lie his life was.

_Still, you didn’t have a coming out._

It had never bothered him. He had always regarded it as some sort of white lie. And in recent years, all these little untruths have always been easy to ignore. But now the lies seemed to be overpowering, he could barely handle them all anymore. There was no safe place anymore.

"Yeah, and that's why -don’t hold it against me- but I’ll go ... uh ... before I lose my nerves?" Daniel grimaced, making a sign that he knew exactly how strange he behaved. Because of the competition of course. He was able to win. But how much would it cost him?

Hurriedly he raised his hand in farewell, disappeared through the door. Inhaled the cold soothing air. Felt relieved until he opened his eyes. Nervously he scanned the crowd in front of him. No neon green. Tense, he started slow running. Let his eyes continue to glide uneasily through the narrow streets in front of him. Avoided just in time the ski ends of a young Finn. Greeted absent Gregor Deschwanden, who grinned at him. Listened to the voices on the edge while he tried to look like every other day. Unremarkable.

"Daniel! Finally! ", Unexpectedly somebody put a hand on the back of his shoulder, and he jerked violently. "Oh, wow! I didn’t mean to scare you. I just called you a dozen times."  
"No, I ... sorry. A little bit lost in thoughts, "Daniel responded, his heartbeat slowly returning to normal. For the hundredth time that day.

"I understand. The tournament. It's crazy, right?"

"Yes, absolutely, "Daniel nodded. Right. The tournament. They spoke of it because he had chances to win the damned trophy. That's why everyone had looked at him.  
"I wanted to ask if you want to redeem your debts?" Richard pointed to the ball in his hand.

"Um ... I don’t know. I wanted a little rest before the competition starts, "Daniel remembered with discomfort of their previous games, which had been followed by a crowd of onlookers. That wasn’t necessarily inconspicuous, almost invisible behavior. Peter could show up anytime.

"You mean because of all the vultures? Yes, we as well. That's why we built a pitch behind the containers on a kind of small lawn. A lot of snow, but well protected. Since yesterday's hill record of Welle, we didn’t have a quiet minute today, "Richard added. "So?"

Daniel hesitated for a moment before finally giving in. He couldn’t go back. The walk through the jumper’s accommodation was like running the gauntlet. He was totally aware of the increased risk of meeting Peter somewhere. Even the forest seemed tricky to him, because he was sure that Domen was there. In the worst-case Peter had tacked on Domens heels. And they didn’t want to give the oldest Prevc any reason to do something.

Lost in thought, Daniel followed Richard. Past behind the containers to the small playing field, which, surrounded by a row of fir trees, was indeed well shielded from the outside world.

"Besides, you are our salvation. Since Sevi is gone, the teams are somehow unbalanced and Welle and Eisei are always whining because they were losing... Which is really strange, because they are in the majority ... "Richard chatted. In the meadow, which came slowly into view, he could make out four other figures in neon green, which were struggling with a fence that obviously should be misappropriated as a net.

"Well, look who dares to enter the lion's den," said Markus with an appreciative whistle. Three more heads turned around to the two newcomers.

And Daniel froze in horror when he realized that only three of the four people presents were Germans. Next to Stephan and Andreas stood Domen, who was no less horrified than the Norwegian.

"Your den can’t be that dangerous," Richard teased mischievously and pointedly put his arm around Domen's shoulder, who was still captured by Daniel's gaze. "Or what do you mean, Domen?"

Hastily he turned away from Daniel. "Pink carpets everywhere," Domen replied in his usual way, but somehow different. Because the mischievously grin was missing. In general, he seemed unusually serious. Somehow tight up in knots. But what did he expect? Daniel asked himself bitterly.

"Pfft! Pink carpets ...Just watch out! "Threatened Markus, while Andreas and Stephan positioned themselves next to the tall German.

"I see, you are already suffering from delusions again. But for my sake. Who starts? "Richard clapped his hands. Positioned himself directly in front of the fence, while Daniel focused on the left rear position. Unfortunately, Domen also seemed to have had this idea.

"Oh, um. You also wanted ... "-" No, please ... "-" I can also ... "-" No. It's okay. "-" Stay. "

Uncertainly, they stammered around, performing some kind of modern dance that definitely had its roots in Dadaism. Until Daniel finally stopped.

It did hurt. Not being able to laugh with Domen about their insecurity and making stupid comments like they always had. 

"... Let's just stick to the rules: the loser starts," announced Andreas and threw the ball across the net to Daniel.

"We have not played yet," Richard protested, while Daniel stopped the ball in the last second, before it could strike his face.

"There are things that are just inevitable," Markus remarked, and held out his hand to Andreas to high five.

And while everyone around them joked carefree, Domen had his arms wrapped around his slender body as if he had to hold on to himself. And Daniel stood by. Damned to do nothing.

"Let's play!", he said and hoped he would be able to distract Domen. 

But all his hopes became already destroyed in the first few minutes of their game. Again and again, Daniel and Domen missed the balls because they were too focused on not getting too close to each other. As if one of them were contagious. Domen couldn’t even look in his eyes. Every second, it became harder for Daniel to pretend that everything was alright. No matter how many times he reminded himself that Domen only did what they had discussed. It felt wrong. Every second a little bit more.

"Did you know that balls usually don’t bite?" Stephan mocked as another ball landed between them in the snow.

"Yes. Not that we would mind - "-

"But winning is almost boring like this. I feel like I would fleece my own grandma, "Markus added.

Daniel and Domen exchanged a quick unsure glance.

"You've been playing together forever, and unlike Daniel and Domen, you understand each other blind," Richard defended them and Daniel got way to warm in his jacket. They would notice something, if they wouldn't pull themselves together. 

"Right. All we have to do is to get used to one another, "the Norwegian said, almost stifled by his words. They were so anxious to behave inconspicuously that it was so obviously that there was something wrong. Shit, at least he wanted to talk to Domen normal. He wanted that Domen could look him in the eye again. He needed something. One sign that the last days weren’t just beautiful dreams. "Or Domen?"

"Sure", the Slovenian briefly looked up, ran with his tongue over his lips nervously, surprised, because Daniel had addressed him directly. "It just needs a little bit of time," Domen explained to the fence in front of him.

"Didn’t sound that convincing ... You're not really scared of volleyballs, or have you?" The Norwegian took all his courage.

Grimly, Domen looked up, balling his fingers into fists. An icy wind blew, freeing some branches from the snow. "I am not afraid."

"Let's prove it," Daniel threw the ball once more into the air. In fact, they managed to slowly reduce the score. 

The ball flew, heading straight for Daniel, who, while fixing Richard, saw out of the corner of his eye Domen storming from behind to the fence. He accurately played the ball to the Slovenian, who jumped powerful and smashed the ball on the ground just behind the fence.

Happily, they threw their hands in the air. Rejoiced, because they drew level. Daniel gave Richard a high five.

"Didn’t I tell you to take care?", Andreas knocked with his fist on Markus head.

"I did!" protested Markus and Andreas snorted, "But at the wrong person."

In his euphoria Daniel turned laughingly to Domen and the moment their hands touched, the world around Daniel became silent. The fir green eyes looked at him. "Great punch," he murmured in a low voice, unable to say something smarter, automatically linking his fingers to Domens. He didn't even know, how much he had needed that sign of closeness. Daniel pulled their hands down. Protected them with his body from the eyes of others who were still busy with having an argument.

"Well done," the Slovenian replied with a crooked smile on his face, while he self-forgotten drove with his thumb above Daniels back of the hand, before he hastily turned away. 

_And that's enough for you?_

The guilty conscience that Daniel saw in Domens face only made things worse.

"Let's postpone your victory dance to that point where you really have won," Andreas picked up the ball, which was still in the snow. "We don’t have that much time and we should- Caro ?!"

Surprised, Andreas let the ball fall into the snow and started to run away happily. Curiously, Daniel turned around. Through the forest, a girl trudged toward them. Dressed in black with long red hair, which she had tied together in a loose braid. Even before she could set a foot on the pitch Andreas had reached her. Andreas picked her up and whirled her through the air, before he let Caro down. Quietly he whispered something to her, which made her laugh before they kissed each other.

Daniel looked longingly at the couple in front of him. Looked surreptitiously at Domen, who was staring intently at his cell phone, so as not to have to look up.

"Okay, may I introduce you: Caro. Daniel and Domen. Daniel and Domen. This is Caro, my girlfriend "Andreas introduced them, his arm wraped around Caro. They were a pretty interesting couple. While Andreas was more the type Sunnyboy, Caro seemed the exact opposite: She had, as it seemed typical for all red-haired, a pale complexion, which let her the blue eyes painted with black mascara shine out much more in her otherwise not painted face. Matching her eyebrow piercing, she wore a black leather strap around her wrist and Daniel was pretty sure he wouldn’t become disappointed, if he would ask her, if she had a tattoo. Andreas had once described her as a rocker bride and without ever having exchanged a single word with her, Daniel would immediately sign it.

"I'm really happy to meet you," Daniel said in a husky voice.

"Yeah, we're all glad you survived Andi's romantic experiments," Richard chuckled from the background. Outraged, the addressed person stooped and threw a snowball at the Saxon.

"I really wasn't responsible for the food”, grumbled Andreas and looked as if he would like to crawl somewhere into the ground. Soothing, Caro stroked with her hand over his cheek. "Don’t worry about it. I knew what I was getting into, "she announced affectionately, before giving the German a short kiss on the cheek. "Besides, it takes a bit more to send me fleeing.”

"There you hear it," Andreas wrapped an arm around her hips and it choked Daniel, because that was exactly what he wanted. Domen was standing next to him. He could feel his presence with every sense. He just had to reach out his hand.

"Nevertheless, from now on I will do the New Year's Eve planning," she announced resolutely and caused another laughter.

New Year’s Eve planning. Future. Would they have to hide forever? To lie?

"Yes, I heard it. The subtext was loud and clear, "giggled Richard as Domen uttered a repressed curse:

"Shit! Sorry guys. Um, I have to go. I'm late "announced the Slovenian, who had been suspiciously calm in the last few minutes and sounded exactly like Daniel, when he had fled from Tom, Andreas and Robert. Without looking back, he disappeared among the trees. Left Daniel behind with an ever-growing lump in his throat, as the Germans next to him cheerfully continued to argue. Andreas smiled happily to Caro and showed Daniel once more what he couldn’t have.

But this time it was different. The last time he had watched Sevi and his Caren. Full of longing, he had never thought it would be possible that Domen would ever return his feelings. Domen had been standing next to him today, and Daniel knew exactly how his lips felt. How it felt when they were together.

Without hiding. He has never been so close and at the same time miles away from having a real relationship.

"Hey, uh ... I'll leave too," the Norwegian interrupted the others' conversations. 

_And that's enough for you?_

Stumbled between the tall firs. He made his way back to the Norwegian team accommodation. In the shadow. In secret. As he always did.

Since they arrived at the hill, he had isolated himself. Had been jogging extra-long because he couldn’t stand the looks. The whisper that put him on alert every time, even though it had only been because he was able to win. He had tried. When they arrived. He had got out of the car and everything had been pulled down into the dark suction. He couldn’t stand it. Had told Anders that he had to distract himself a bit before the competition would start. It was just the tournament. He had chances to win. Since one was ever nervous. People were allowed to look at him, dissect him with their gazes, to find any indication how the result of today's competition would be. Were that dark circles? Had the Norwegian slept badly? So calm today? No cheeky saying on the lips? Was the Norwegian nervous?

It was just the tournament. He had told Anders and they both knew he had lied. It wasn’t just the tournament. Peter had held his tongue. But the little wave of relief had only lasted for a moment. Peter ould changed his mind at any time. A circumstance that brought him to the brink of a nervous breakdown. Which urged him to make his way through the half-dark. Which urged him to stop walking, to understand what Jernej Damjan told Thiessen in an interview. 

He was a fucking coward. He knew that. Anders knew that. And the worst part was: Domen too. Although he had tried to prevent that. They had spent half an eternity in this stupid toilet until Domen had finally came out. Full of doubts and apprehension that he hadn’t been able to dispel.

The trial round had been the hell. With Domen and Peter in one room he had hardly dared to breathe. He had done exactly what they had stipulated. They had kept distance and avoided each other, to give Peter no incentive to chat. Domen had ignored him. Daniel hadn't looked at him once. He had sat on his chair with his helmet and goggles and hadn’t move. That was the last thing Daniel wanted, but maybe the only thing he had been able to do.

Bastion of calm, light in the dark, glimmer of hope on the horizon. And he was the emperor of China. Frustrated, he knocked aside the branch of a fir that jutted out into the way. He had disappeared as soon as possible after his trial jump. Peter. Domen. And now all the others. Tom. Andreas. Robert. Markus. Andreas and Caro. It was getting worse and worse.

Daniel stopped at the last narrow corridor. Right across the street was his destination. Halvor stood directly in front of it, staring into the distance. Walter Hofer hurried by, the Walky Talky in front of his face. Breathing deeply, Daniel stepped out of the corridor. The front door firmly in sight, he promptly run against somebody.

"Sorry! I- ... Domen! "

Over and over again. Domen had never left him alone. Now he stood in front of him and smiled at him uncertainly. Fixed his cap, which had not been faulted. Just as Daniel wanted to start saying something, his counterpart froze. Daniel turned around confused. Peter came going up to them, skis over his shoulder. Darkly, he looked at Daniel, before his eyes moved on to Domen, his lips pressed tightly together.

Immediately, Domen lowered his eyes and hurried off. He did exactly what Daniel advised him to do. No more and no less. The Norwegian had tried to make it better for Domen. But now he ralized everything was getting worse and worse. And suddenly something else came to the fore: anger.

He was mad at Peter for doing this to Domen. Angry at San because he made what he was today. But most of all, he was mad at himself for yielding. Because he willingly had played the victim. Because he had stopped fighting back.

Because he made Domen doing the same as he did.

Full of anger, Daniel continued his way, blocking Peter's way with purpose. And trembling knees. Silently, he challenged him to finally say or do something. He watched grimly at each of Peter's movements, who, to his surprise, steered clear of him.

It should have felt like a victory, instead, Daniel had the feeling of unstoppable loosing. Domen wasn’t there anymore.

 _Don’t let Peter persuade you of anything. It's his problem if he can’t handle it. Not yours._

But why had Daniel suggested, that they should keep distance if it was not their problem? Angrily, he tore open the door to the container and threw it close behind him with all his might, so that the windows rattled.

Chased, he looked around the small room. It had taken a lot willpower to sit on this tile floor and tell his story. Nothing. There was nothing, on which he could vent his spleen. There had been times when he had felt safe in his own little prison. Even the benches were bolted to the floor. Before Domen. Now he kept on colliding. On the walls of his self-made prison. It was about to crush him. The fact that he hid. That he lied. That he couldn’t be who he was.

 _I am normal. Still, you didn’t have a coming out._

The anger blew his breath away. The feeling of being constrained. The idea that this really should be his life, if there was something better. Maybe even with Domen.  
"Shit!", Furious, he swept the things, which were lying on the bench in front of him, on the floor. Urgently, he needed the feeling to be able to breathe again. To be free, although it scared him a lot.

"- which are already-“

"What happened here?"

Astonished, Andreas and Tom, who had just entered, froze and looked at the chaos at their feet, before they spotted Daniel, shoulders shaking in the far corner of the room.  
"Did you cross the blades with a burglar or why does it look like a hurricane had just swept through?" Tom tried to joke, for lack of words. They had never experienced the blonde Norwegian so much beside the track.

"Tom!" Andreas hissed. Waiting, they stared at Daniel.

And Daniel stared back, before he started running back and forth in front of them.

 _It’s a fight._ But he had never fought. Only with himself. Otherwise he had always ducked his head. Until Domen had entered his life. Anders hadn’t left him alone. They had simply stormed through his life. Everything had messed up. And now? He ducked his head in front of Peter again. He pushed himself back into his prison, though he had tasted the tantalizing taste of freedom.

"Okay, that’s enough! Witness protection program or not. I want to know what's going on here! Now. ", Andreas stopped the blonde and forced him to sit on the bench.  
"Witness protection program?", Tom asked blankly.

Nervously, Daniel began to bob his legs, staring at Andreas, then at Tom. His thoughts were racing. Just the idea of continuing living this life like that, caused him nausea and breathlessness. He had to find another way. A hacksaw to get out of his jail.

"Well, as mysterious as Anders and he always behave, he could easily be a principal witness in a mafia trial," Andreas shrugged and turned directly back to Daniel, who was still staring at them in silence. "But this time you have bad luck. Your Pitbull faces his own personal T-Rex. And Silje looked damned upset. So, we have all the time of the world. Yesterday, on top of the world, today down in the dumps. Is it the Forestgirl again? "

 _Forestgirl._ Everything had changed. He had changed. He couldn’t go back. The thought alone seemed unbearable to him. He was gay. No more and no less. This is just a tiny part that should not determine everything. So far, he had determined everything. He had let him determine everything.

"There is no Forest _girl_ ," Daniel said softly. He swallowed. And then he looked at Andreas and Tom, although he would like to run far away.

"Come on, Daniel! I thought that was behind us. I- "-

"There is just a Forest _boy_."

The words echoed loudly in the sudden silence. The time stopped. Seconds were stretched to hours. In which he saw how the surprise spread on the faces of Andreas and Tom. The widening eyes, the mouths that formed into an incredulous 'O'. The speechlessness with which they stared at him.

"I'm gay," Daniel added breathlessly, to make sure they understood. To finally get a reaction.

"Okay ... I mean, okay. That's ... okay, "stuttered Andreas, looking helplessly at Tom, who simply nodded.

"For sure?"

"Only if you finally tell us with what’s going on here", Andreas seized the opportunity, pulled a chair from the small table to Daniel, while Tom sat down next to him on the bench.  
"It's best you start with who's the lucky one. How it started. When it started. Where it started. And why. What the problem is. And who we should beat up" added Tom, whose eyes had that inquisitive expression. Apparently, he had recovered from the news quickly.

Daniel lifted his hands in defense. "Sorry guys, but I can’t-" -

"No that's not true!", Exclaimed Tom. "I need to know who we are talking about! That's pure torment!"

"So, he's not out, either," Andreas ignored Tom. Nodding, Daniel confirmed his presumption and began to roughly outline the situation, without mentioning any names or kinship relationships, which was harder than he had thought. Patiently Andreas listened and Tom asked many questions until Daniel finally ended.

"And now?"

"I-I just don’t know. ... "Daniel teared at his hair in frustration.

"I don’t believe you," Andreas countered, shaking his head.

"What don't you believe?"

"That you don’t know, what you will do now" replied Andreas. "Be honest, Daniel: You already know what you want to do. You're just afraid of the consequences. Am I right?”


	37. Domen - Bischofshofen - Day of competition

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Frightened Rabbit - If you were me  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2631v07TVM
> 
> Here we go, the last Domen chapter:

Pitch-black cloud mountains obscured the night-blue sky. The tips of the tall fir trees were silhouetted dark against the sky, weighing slightly in the wind. Domen stared blankly into the distance. He pulled on his jacket to protect himself from the cold that had already taken possession of him. With his last jump of this tournament all tension had dropped off him. Now he felt exhausted. Tired. Alone.

The masses raged behind him. In front of him, Piotr Zyla pushed himself into the air, opening his skis to a perfect V. It boomed dully in his ears. Every single glance followed the Pole. Enthusiastic cheers followed, as he flew over the green line and thus took the lead. The tension on the hill and in the stadium rose with every second. The tournament would be decided within the next few minutes and there was absolutely nothing that would have less interested Domen now.

All he could think about was, that it was over. He should be relieved that at the last moment he had realized what a big mistake he was about to make. What Daniel had almost done to him. But he wasn’t. He still felt trapped. Pressed. Confused, he was still looking for answers.

_"Late again, Butterprincess?"_

_Grinning, Daniel stared at him from the far corner of the windowless elevator into which Domen had jumped at the last moment. He had been so lost in thought that he hadn’t seen the Norwegian when he was rushing through the closing doors._

_"Actually, I'm early," Domen replied uncertainly and turned his back on Daniel. Stared at the silvery surface of the elevator in front of him to distract himself. His breathing was much too loud and excited in the silence. Like his heartbeat. He felt Daniel's presence with every fiber of his body. The Norwegian could have touched him as well. The tingling sensation that ran down his spine would have been the same. And he wanted that, as much as he didn’t want it._

_A quiet rustling behind Domen brought him back from his thoughts. The blurred reflection of the elevator told Domen that Daniel was now standing directly behind him. Domen closed his eyes. Waited, for what would happen, unable to move even a centimeter, when Daniel's warm breath tickled his ear and sent more small shivers through his body._

_"Trophy room at the other end of the hallway. Right across the toilets. In five minutes? "He whispered in his ear. Domen turned around in surprise and looked, speechless, in the overjoyed eyes of the Norwegian. "What? "The Norwegian whispered amused. "You're not the only one who is on wrong ways now and then," the elevator doors opened with a pling. Daniel stepped out into the corridor without looking back, leaving Domen behind in confusion._

_He had expected a lot, but not that. Not after the volleyball fiasco and another meeting with Peter. Nevertheless, Daniel had just stood in front of him. Solved and somehow happy. Daniel had found a way to keep going. While he still didn’t know how to handle it. He only knew that he wanted to spend more time with Daniel. And that scared him more than he was willing to admit._

_Domen was so lost in thought that he almost missed stepping out of the elevator. Only the doors closing in front of his eyes brought him back to reality. He stumbled out into the hall, right in front of an oversized picture of Stefan Kraft. Triumphantly, he held up the golden eagle._

_Domen looked around stealthily as he put his skis against the wall. Daniel had gone to the lounge like everything was normal. And before he could think further, Domen followed the passage in the opposite direction and without hesitating disappeared behind the door opposite the men's room._

_Cautiously, Domen groped for the light switch in the darkness. Sniffily, he looked around the dimly lit room. On each free wall were shelves in which subjects numerous trophies had been issued. Signs of past fame, that no one paid attention to any longer. Probably not even the cleaning lady. The faded yellow-brown wallpaper had been decorated with pennants, dishes, and old black and white photos at every vacant place. This strange arrangement was completed by a small round table with four old wooden chairs. The room radiated something forbidden. It reminisced Domen about the back room of a mafia boss, in which cries of pain could fade away inconclusively._

_The door handle behind him was pushed down and Daniel quietly entered the room. "You should urgently work on the interior design of your wrong ways, Slowcoach," Domen remarked, letting his gaze wander demonstratively around the room to distract himself from his nervousness._

_"Not everyone can have his own Narnia, Butterprincess," Daniel laughed in amusement as Domen watched with eyes widening, how the Norwegian slowly came closer, stopped in front of him and took his breath away. His brain was fogged, and his guilty conscience was silenced._

_Daniel gently put his hands around his face, pulling Domen towards him. Gently, he lay his lips on his. Gave him an innocent kiss, which Domen would have liked to have deepened, if Daniel hadn’t begun to follow the contours of his face with his finger. They had often stood in front of each other. Had kissed and touched each other, but never it had felt so familiar, so scary intimate, that it paralysed him._

_Daniel put his hand to the cheek of the Slovenian. Daniel's eyes had followed his hand as if he wanted to remember every centimeter of his face, but now the bright forest clearing pierced him to the core. Searching for answers to questions that Daniel hadn’t asked. "Everything okay?"_

_"Actually, I would have to ask you that. After all, this is my fault, "interrupted Domen restlessly their eye contact. He could hardly stand it anymore. Feeling overwhelmed, though Daniel said nothing but demanded everything._

_"Do we really want to discuss it again?" Daniel whispered amused and pulled Domen closer to him again. "I'm fine, honestly. For the first time in a long time, I feel like myself again. "_

_That explained a lot, but not everything. "What happened?" -_

_"You", the Norwegian pressed another short kiss on the tip of his nose._

_"Daniel, I'm serious," he shoved his hand against Daniels chest and noticed how his cheeks began to burn. Recalled, that Daniel had never asked for more he was willing to give.  
"Me too. And now it's your turn, "Daniel demanded, looking at him waiting and Domen knew that the blonde wouldn’t let up until he had his answer._

_"I haven’t hired a contract killer," Domen replied evasively. "Satisfied?"_

_"Your anti-aggression coach deserves an award," Daniel replied dryly, shaking his head at the stubbornness of the Slovenian. However, he couldn’t prevent his mouth twitching amused upwards, briefly._

_"Why that? I had all the work, "snorted Domen indignantly._

_"Poor Butterprincess," mocked Daniel amused and compassionate stroked his cheek. "You look really tired. The crown also hangs awry. "_

_"Haha," Domen slapped Daniel's hand away and would have liked to put on a grimmer face, instead, he had to laugh. And suddenly it was so easy to be with Daniel._

_"Nana, do we have relapses after all?" Daniel chuckled and grabbed Domens hand before he got serious again. "Are you sure?"_

_"Dead sure. And with a bit of luck, Peter might also shift his attention to Cene, in the near future. You know, figuring out if Silje is befitting his social status, "said Domen, deliberately diverting the conversation in another direction. Pushed his guilty conscience aside._

_"I don’t know if that really works, Domen," Daniel tried again. "I-"_

_"No! Don’t look for the coffin just because you see flowers. Where has your newly discovered optimism gone? "Domen wanted to know. "I mean, do you really want to make it that easy for me?"_

_"What?" -_

_"To win. I already told you that this, "he plucked at Daniel's yellow jersey before he grabbed it and pulled Daniel down to him, his voice just a little whisper," looks much better if I wear it. "_

_He didn’t want to talk about Peter or how torn he felt. Desperately he pressed himself against Daniel's body, let himself be embraced by his warmth, enjoying the feeling of cotton candy in his head._

_"We have to go back," Daniel finally pulled away from him, breathing heavily, glaring at the door._

_Restless, Domen looked at her still intertwined hands. Feeling Daniel's grip became tighter, while he was staring at the door. As if playing with the idea of going through that door with him. Holding hands._

_"Yes, we should go" Domen hastily withdrew Daniel his hand and earned a surprised look. What was wrong with him? Daniel would never do that. The Norwegian knew as well as he, that it would mean the end. Reassured, he watched Daniel eavesdrop briefly at the door before opening it. Domen cursed Peter for still poking around in his brain. Which was completely unnecessary._

_Grimly, he looked at all the trophies and medals scattered all over. He would show it to Peter. He would prove everybody._  
  
And he had really sworn that to himself. He had wanted to prove to Peter that Daniel wasn’t bad influence. He had wanted to show him that he wasn’t weak. That he could compete with the best. To convince Peter to shut up. He had fought his way through. Through the sheer endless minutes in the lounge at the top of the hill. Constantly aware of Peter's eyes. This almost unbearable tension between them. As if he could have change anything about it.

He had tried to somehow bring these two parts together without getting completely lost. Daniel and him together on one side and his normal life on the other. Only for Daniel. Daniel had made him try. Because of him he almost lost himself. Had almost forgotten who he had been before spending time with him.

Surprised, Domen looked up as someone slapped his shoulder. Looked in the friendly grinning face of the Pole. Gave him his hand mechanically. Packing his things, moving like a ghost through the crowd. All jumpers, carers, even the ski technicians had gathered in the exit area. Hardly any of them spoke. They all stared up, waiting for Daniel.

How they would look at Daniel, if they knew it? Domen stopped in his tracks as he spotted Peter some meters in front of him. His brother had his lips pressed tightly together. The arms crossed in front of his body.

_"Domen."_

_Seeking, Domen turned around and saw Peter, who made his way through the chaos a way to him. Daniel had hurried away after his jump. It wasn’t the jump Daniel had needed, but nothing was lost yet. Not for him either. He had a good starting position. One he hadn’t had for weeks. And it felt good. Familiar. It gave him back a piece of his security. It took Peter one of his arguments away._

_"What do you want?" Domen grunted darkly._

_"Can we talk?" -_

_"How so? Did you forget to show me the success statistics of exorcisms? "Domen replied bitterly. He hoped, that Peter would disappear again._

_"No! I ... uh ... ", Peter glanced restlessly through the opaque crowd of service people, coaches, jumpers, VIP guests. From each corner they were curiously watched. Peter tried to start speaking several times before finally grabbing Domen by the arm and dragging him into the material container._

_With a queasy feeling, Domen watched how Peter closed the door. The tall shelves on the walls looked threatening in the gloom. Even the faint light couldn’t make it through the small narrow window at the back of the container. The thick walls dampened the announcer and the sounds of the audience. It was like being in the middle of a hurricane's eye. And Domen had to recall Daniel's words to stay calm: Peter's problem. Not his._

_"I mean, I just want to understand it. I- Did you really think twice? "-_

_"Think twice?! Peter, I haven’t considered anything! ", Domen threw his hands in the air helplessly. As if he had ever kissed Daniel, if only he had thought twice. "We spent time together and then everything was different."_

_"Different. Aha, "Peter replied and his tone was everything Domen needed to know what Peter was thinking. His brother didn’t want to understand anything. He had already decided the verdict. "And how do you imagine, should it continue now? I mean, what are you going to do now? "_

_"What are you doing with Mina?" Domen countered, folding his arms across his chest._

_"Domen, stop that now! That is completely different. Mina is a woman. We will marry someday. Have children. Just normal things. But you and ... him ... you let yourself get involved in something that just isn’t good for you. His whole world isn’t good for you, "Peter solemnly put his hands on his shoulder._

_"Cene seems to disagree with that. He likes Daniel," Domen blurted out. It was the only thing in his mind, with which he could contradict Peter. But he knew himself, that it was a weak and stupid argument. Angrily, he shook Peter's hands off again. Contrary to Peters words. He shouldn’t care. But he does. It wasn't all the same to him, even if he always liked to believe that._

_He had spent so much time in the gym, hoping that Peter would eventually consider him as equal. That at one day he wouldn't push him aside with a smile. Normal things. Butterprincess, I'm normal. We are. He had never been normal in Peter's eyes. Never right._

_"You know as well as I do that Cene sees the world more flowered than it is. Otherwise he would probably know what it means to be an athlete, "Peter wiped away his objection too easily. And even worse, Peter really made him feel he had no idea what he was getting into._

_"What should that mean?" -_

_"I knew it. You have no idea, "exclaimed Peter complacently. "Damn, Domen! Think about it! Do you think you'll ever find another sponsor that allows you all the luxury? A company car? New suits every four weeks? Shoes? Phones? You have signed a contract because you represent a certain image in public. Because you should address specific target groups. Familys. Young people. Normal people next door. How do you think they would react when they find out? "_

_"No one will find out!", Domen contradicted and was annoyed that he sounded like a toddler that claimed not to be tired yet._

_"Really?" Peter mockingly raised an eyebrow. "But what if? Let us just imagine it. What if we are competing in Russia? Turkey? Kazakhstan? Do you know what they do to people like him? Domen, please think about it once in your life! I don’t want you any harm! I am your brother. I’m worried about you, because you are important to me. Don’t you realize that?"_

_"Are you going to tell someone?" Domen asked incoherently, trying to hide the unsteady tremor in his voice._

_"Domen. Do you really want to risk everything you've worked hard for for years? What if you wake up next week and realize that you made a mistake? I know you don’t want to hear that at the moment, but you're young. The hormones are going crazy. Love and desire can easily be confused. I just don’t want you to stand in front of the shambles of your life. Now you can change it. Just forget it. Him. Meet some nice girls your age. "_

_He didn’t want girls of his age. That was exactly the problem. He had clicked through Instagram. Through the whole mass of girls in this world in his age. In his desperation he had been looking for someone who could elicit more from him than a weary smile. But there simply wasn’t any. No matter how hard he tried._

_Peter snorted contemptuously when Domen didn’t respond. "I won’t say anything. That is it what you wanted to hear, right? As long as your little secret has no negative impact on others, at least. I don’t see why I should punish the team for your inclinations. "_

_"The team?" -_

_"Gosh, you’re so selfish! Do you really think, that will pass without a trace at all, if someone finds out? Come on, Domen, you can’t really be that naive. They will sping on every one of us. They will ask what went wrong with us. During the education of Mum and Dad. They will ask how we could allow that. Why no one has managed to keep the hormones of a seventeen-year-old teenager under control. They'll ask me that, "Peter explained darkly, and suddenly Domen hit the realization like a blow._

_"You aren’t at all concerned with me, are you? Or my future. This is all about you. Am I right? About you and your stupid immaculate image, that you love! ", Domen grew louder with each word._

_"Don’t be ridiculous," Peter demanded, casting a stealthy glance at the door._

_"No!", Hissed Domen upset, this time, however, much quieter. "You're the one who is making a fool of yourself. If you can’t handle it, that's your problem. Not mine. Honestly, if one of us has any damage here, then it’s you! "_

_"Did he teach you that?" -_

_"No, just imagine: that's what I came to on my own," snorted Domen bitterly. "It took me long enough."_

_"What has become of you? I don’t recognize you anymore. Don’t you realize what he's doing to you?" Peter looked at him imploringly almost pleadingly. As if Domen were the one who must come to his senses again._

_"HE," Domen pointed out, "did nothing. Unlike you, he accepts me the way I am. "_

_Peter scoffed contemptuously. "Is he doing that? Are you really sure? "His brother demanded, his face more and more like an ugly mask. "So, it was your idea to do something with him? Completely without his support? And what do you think, how long he will be satisfight the way it goes now? You aren’t gay? You have no plan for the future. I'm sure he has one. You have already followed him that far ... What do you think, how long it will take to convince you otherwise? Until he gets you so far that you can’t go back? "_

_"I'm not listening to that shit anymore," Domen stormed to the door. "Daniel would never do that!"_

The bad part was that he was firmly convinced of it. Without thinking, he simply left Peter and didn’t doubt of Daniel for a second. Domen clenched his hands into fists. The noise of the mass swelled to an unprecedented extent, while the flags in the around the stadium suddenly hung limp down. As if even the wind took a break to watch Daniel jump.   
Against better knowledge, he turned around. Turned his face to the hill. It was over and he still couldn’t get loose of him.

_"No! What do you mean, maybe that's what I needed '? "Domen stood tensed in front of Daniel. He wasn’t stupid. Daniel avoided his gaze, looking instead at one of the yellowed images of a football team. The Norwegian behaved strange. He had dismissed it earlier, but now ..._

_"Domen, please. After the competition- "_

_"No! Why did you need Peter? "Domen insisted stubbornly. Daniel hadn’t indulged, too, since he had seen the Slovenian storming out of the container. He hadn’t allowed him to downplay it._

_"Because it has become clear to me that I don’t want to go on like this, Domen" the Norwegian said quietly, almost raising his arms apologetically. "I don’t want to hide anymore. I can’t."_

_"You ... you want to have your coming out ?!", Domen stared in horror at Daniel. "No! No, forget it! You were the one who said it was Peter's problem and not yours, "he reminded the Norwegian. "Shit, Daniel! Just think about it: you're about to win the tournament! Everyone will talk about you. What you have done. You are at the destination of your dreams. Are you really going to mess this up for that?! Nobody has to care. That's your thing. Nobody needs to know."_

_"Domen... San has been haunting me for years because I let him. And now Peter ... It takes my breath away, "Daniel took Domens hand, which he immediately withdrew from him.  
"No! That wasn’t stipulated like that. You said it's a fight. You said it will become easier. It just needs time. I know, Peter can drive you crazy, but you really should not let yourself be carried away to such ill-considered shit. Believe me, I know what I'm talking about, "Domen folded his arms protectively in front of his body. Daniel was about to make a mistake. A huge mistake._

_"I know, you can’t imagine that at the moment-" Daniel tried to calm down Domen, but the Slovenian didn’t let him speak._

_"And how did you imagine this? What, please, do you believe how it will work? Like in these Disney movies? At the end with glittering rain? Wake up, Daniel! That won’t happen! Never. Have you already forgotten Peter? Or San? ", Domen tried desperately to open the eyes of the Norwegian. This world just wasn’t ready to accept Daniel the way he was.  
"But what about Cene? Anders? ", Daniel contradicted and Domen would like to have grabbed him by the shoulders and shaken. "Tom? Or Andreas? "_

_"Tom and ... Tom and Andreas?" Domen whispered. He barely got it over his lips. Every syllable hit him hard, while a single thought raised: Daniel had betrayed him, and Peter had seen it coming._

_"Domen, I ..." Daniel began hesitantly, giving him another blow._

_"You have- you already told them about us?! About me? "Domen exclaimed in panic, his voice was unnaturally high._

_"Of course not! I told them about me. But not a single word about you! ", Daniel defended himself and had the nerve to sound injured. Obviously, Daniel didn’t get it. Nobody understood him._

_"And you think the others are stupid? That they can’t distinguish a ski jumping hill from a slide? What do you believe, will they think, when they see us together?! I mean, did you only think of me once? While you told them?" Domen hissed, unable to think clearly._

_"If I- Domen, I'm not doing anything else for ages," Daniel burst out angrily, building himself up in front of Domen. "Since I saw you for the first time, I can’t get you out of my head. All I wanted to do was living my life. But no! You had to reappear all the time. Over and over again, you showed up, literally pushed yourself into my life. And nothing was able to stop you. And it was hell, Domen! My personal hell in the middle of the sky, because you brought San back."_

_Stubbornly, Domen forced himself to look into the Norwegian's eyes, which were pinning him down. Daniel had cornered him. Held him captive between his arms, supporting himself against the wall. His hands clenched in fists. "Because you ran away. You ignored me. And then you came back and kissed me. I am thinking of you the whole time! This is all because of you! Shit, Domen, I love you. Are you even aware of that?"_

_"But I'm not gay!", Domen screamed and pushed the Norwegian away with all his strength, before he panic-stricken ran out of the room._

It was over. They had never had a real relationship, nevertheless it was over. And he should have felt relieved. Instead, he felt empty. They had had no relationship. In some countries, they weren’t even legal. So it wasn’t like they could have had a future. He had managed without Daniel before, he would be able to cope without Daniel in future, too. He could return to before. He should feel relieved, instead he was empty and full at the same time. Full of memories. Empty because they didn’t mean anything anymore.

Clinical, he stared at the big screen in front of him. He fixed his gaze at the hill. Daniel pushed away from the beam. Picked up more and more pace and ripped Domen into the abyss. Whirled everything up again.

_"Put the claws away, princess!" - "Stop calling me that!" - "Stop behaving like one."_ \- The constant encounters and taunts. - _"Not bad, for a Butterprincess." - "Not bad, for a Slowcoach."_ \- Jay and the Christmasman. - _" Don’t get upset, Butterprincess. Remember your mantra that you practiced."-" You aren’t allowed to kill Norwegians."-" So, what's up? "_ \- The stupid garbage bag. - _"Are you against gays?"_ \- Daniel's secret. _" To put it in your words, Butterprincess: I don’t need anyone, who is holding hands with me." - " You should be lucky, to have people around you, who are worring about you” - "Touché, but seriously: I’m fine, Domen. "-" Stop it, Domen! "_ \- He had pestered Daniel for so long. On New Year's Eve. _" What could be so gigantic extent that it shouldn’t come out from the forest in any case?” - " And okay, maybe I'm not as selfless as I'm pretending right now. Have you ever thought about the fact, that I could need a friend, too?"-" Okay. "-" Okay? What do you mean?"-"Let's become friends, Butterprincess. "_ \- He had stolen that stupid letter, because it had driven him crazy, to not knowing, what was wrong with Daniel. _" You understand?! No, you don’t understand anything! Not the least, otherwise you would have leave it!"-" You can’t just look so resigned and do nothing! Stop hiding and start living!"- “Open that damn door!" - " Come on, Daniel. Stake everything on one card once in a lifetime."-" It's you, Butterprincess."_ Until Daniel just overran him like an avalanche. _"What the hell is this supposed to do?" - “You should yell at me, Daniel. I can‘t believe that- I'm so mad at myself! You wouldn’t believe that. And you ... you understand?!”_ And he couldn’t continue like nothing happened. As if everything was as always. _„I am not gay. It- I feel honored, but I like girls."_ Although he had tried so hard. _"Just do us both a favor and just admit that I was right after all. We can’t just pretend that yesterday didn’t happen. You aren’t able to do that."-"Since we left, you keep me at distance. Give me the feeling that you can hardly stand it! Watch me, waiting for some reaction… I don’t know... Either I'm going to do something wrong or made things worse. How should I behave normally?"_ He hadn’t understood it himself. _"Why are you doing this?" - "To help you." - "Tell me, is that actually intentional? This whole hot and cold game! This whole hot and cold game. Do you think I'm so hopelessly lost in you that I don’t notice you flirting with Silje in front of my eyes?"-"Crap, I asked you, didn’t I? Multiple times! If everything is okay. Why do you lie, if nothing is okay? I can’t read thoughts! Like the most other normal people by the way! That's not my fault!"_ Until Cene came. _"You've already realized that you're totally in love with Daniel, right? Or? Domen?"_ And suddenly Daniel had been the one who hadn’t let up. _"And I don’t want you to change yourself. Or turn back time. Never, Butterprincess. Just ... don’t lie to me. Not at that kind of thing."-"Do you even know what you’re saying? It's everything, but not okay, Slowcoach. I’m not gay. But I can’t stop thinking of that kiss either. Because it does matter to me. Because you matter to me. I'm not gay, Daniel. I can’t be. But you aren't all the same to me either."_ Daniel had plunged his world into chaos. _"Butterprincess, I am normal. We are."-" Still, you didn’t have a coming out."_ \- And had present him with a fait accompli, without thinking of the consequences. - _"Because it has become clear to me that I don’t want to go on like this, Domen. I don’t want to hide anymore."-"You want to have your coming out?!"-"But what about Cene? Anders? Tom? Or Andreas?"- “Tom and ... Tom and Andreas?! You have- you already told them about us?! About me?"_ And he had promised him everything, not knowing if Domen even wanted it. _“I am thinking of you the whole time! This is all because of you! Shit, Domen, I love you. Are you even aware of that?"_

Daniel approached the jump-off. Catapulted himself into the air with everything he had. Ready to either win or lose everything. 

_“But someday ... you just can’t go on like this any longer. You can’t fight against yourself without plunging you into your own evil. It kills you.” – “I don’t want to hide anymore. I can’t.”_

Even Peter appeared in front of his inner eye. _“Gosh, you’re so selfish!” – “You have no plan for the future. I'm sure he has one.”_ Afraid, he watched Daniel. He started to sway when he flew over the first part of the hill. _“I don’t want to hide anymore. I can’t.” - “Gosh, you’re so selfish!”_ Kept more and more tipping to the right. 

Domen froze. His breath stopped. His heart skipped a beat. The few seconds, Daniel lost the control of his jump, became an unbearable eternity.


	38. Daniel - Bischofshofen - Day of competition

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The head and the heart - Another Story 
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eyn9kmuIwqA

_Deep, Daniel sucked fresh air into his lungs. He listened to the distant melodious chirping of birds, the soft rush of water of the small stream. Crickets chirped and now and then there was a loud crackling in the undergrowth, which suggested that there were far more animals living in the forest than you could see. Scattered sunbeams fought their way through dense foliage and fir trees, speckled the slowly passing landscape in a variety of shades of green and yellow. Daniel watched in silence as the dull and bark-and-pine-needled soil past beneath his feet. He dodged small branches and fallen pine cones while he fell for the rhythm of the forest._

_He enjoyed the feeling of running. To feel alive. And carefree. Only a year ago, he had believed that it would never happen again. But it was over. At this place his past didn't matter, because nobody knew it._

_It pleasantly tingled in his legs. In his stomach spread the first anticipation of the upcoming competition. In the last winter season, he had competed at his first World Cup Competitions and even if these went not quite as he had wished, he simply felt that it gets better._

_In training he always showed results, which getting better and better. He enjoyed, what he did. Carefree, he could compete, and he really enjoyed the time in their team. With a slight smile on his face, he slowed his pace as the end of the forest came in view. He could hear the voice of the stadium speaker, who moderated the Continental Cup Competition here in Kranj._

_"…crazy! I have never seen anyone jumping like this! "-_

_"I know what you mean. I saw it from below and honestly - Hey, Daniel - "Dawid interrupted his conversation with Macjei as they passed by the Norwegian. Daniel greeted him warmly before the Poles continued their conversation. "From the bottom it looked like he was about to fell every moment. How is such a thing ... sible? "_

_Slowly the voices faded behind him and Daniel curiously asked himself, who the two Poles had spoken about as he stepped out of the forest and the summer heat hit him._

_"Watch out!" - "Arrgh! Crap! "-" Yes!" Under loud shouts of the Austrian B-Team a ball flew unhindered into the forest. The North Americans, who warmed up themselves directly across among the shades of a huge fir, watched the spectacle. Daniel exchanged a quick grin with Kevin as he passed them. It was not the first time that the young Austrians lost the ball._

_Sweating he continued his way and dropped to the bench in front of the container as the door opened and Joachim stepped outside. This weekend there were only the two of them, who would represent the Norwegian nation. "What a heat!" Moaned Joachim as he stopped next to him and peered wistfully into the Frenchman's cabin, which had a cooling fan attached._

_"It’s summer. What did you expect? "Daniel laughed gleefully, while he grabbed a water bottle from the cooler and poured it over his head._

_"That you, like any other person, too, drink from the bottle, Mr. Waste of water" snorted Joachim beside him. "Drinking water is a precious - giupffft! Daniel!"_

_"You are a wretched denigrator. Enjoy the sun and sit back! "He invited Joachim as he watched his teammate wiped the water from his face._

_"You're in high spirits today, aren't you," grumbled Joachim and sat down next to him on the bench._

_"Why not? The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, and we are about to compete again. What could be better? ", Daniel leaned back and meant it absolutely serious. He had never been that happy about his life before. If it was up to him, it could stay that way for all eternity._

_"Cooler weather. Or have you forgotten that you must force yourself into your very own oven, called jumping suits, in a few moments? "Joachim muttered next to him. He just wasn’t made for the temperatures of midsummer._

_"It's gettin' hot in herre so hot, so take off all your clothes, I am, gettin' so hot, I wanna take my clothes off, "Daniel began to sing and moved his shoulders to the beat. Joachim started to laugh and gave him a pat, as Peter passed by. The Slovenian greeted them, and looked like he didn't know, what he should think of Daniel's vocal performance._

_"You're such a dumbass!" Joachim snorted._

_"Otherwise, I can't endure your whining," Daniel countered and Joachim nodded beside him._

_"Maybe you're right. But you're to blame if the First Aid Team is on the way right now because Peter thinks you have a heat stroke. By the way, did you see him jumping? "Joachim changed the subject without warning._

_"Whom?" Daniel asked, confused._

_"Prevc Junior the second. Domen."-_

_"What is special with him?"_

_"Your question tells me everything. You haven't watched him, yet. Look at his jump, honestly: you have not seen that yet, "Joachim told him as he rose and stared into the distance. "Fuck heat," Joachim disappeared inside the container again, leaving a Daniel shaking his head behind._

_Motivated, Daniel jumped up and enjoyed the warm feeling of the sun on his skin. Then he decided to grab one of the hurdles and train a bit near the small screen. Domen Prevc. He hadn't even known that Peter had another brother._

_Driven by his curiosity, Daniel wind through the jumpers accommodation in the shadow of the containers. Listened to the conversations and noticed that for some reason today there was hardly any other topic of conversation than the style of jumping of Domen Prevc. Lost in thought, he wondered what could be that special about the Slovenian, as the door in front of him was suddenly opened. At the last moment, Daniel stopped, avoiding a collision with a pair of skis that suddenly crossed his way. Including its owner._

_"And now get a move on!" Somebody called outbound. Furiously, the owner of the skis turned around, so that Daniel could catch a glimpse of his face._

_"Do you realize that my timing won't improve if you keep on detaining me with your sermons?!", the brown-haired boy hissed annoyed in front of him, before he continued his way. And in doing so, he almost killed Daniel for the third time within a minute without even noticing it._

Motionlessly, Daniel stared at the white-and-blue skis that had been fastened to the wall of the hotel as a decoration. Everything started at that day two years ago. He had been satisfied with his life. He just found himself again. And then Domen had appeared. Without warning. And he almost floored him.

"It will become better again," Tom broke through the tense silence. "You know the saying: unlucky in love, lucky at car-... Well, next year is a tournament again," corrected the Norwegian himself hastily, as he noticed his faux pas. He shrugged apologetically as Andreas evil eye hit him.

Dull murmurs reached them in the new arising silence. Daniel stared silently to the ground, pulling on a small thread that had come loose from the cover of the chair he was sitting in.

"Oh, that's crap!", Tom cursed, who hardly endured the gloomy mood. "What? I'm right! ", Replied the Norwegian, when he noticed the looks of his friends. "I mean, other mothers have nice sons, too."

"That's not helpful, Tom," Andreas said and Tom sighed.

"Yes, I know. Names, phone numbers and addresses would be better, but what should I do? "

"To shut up for example?" Anders suggested dry and Andreas nodded affirmatively. Expectantly, they looked at Daniel. They waited for a reaction. The faint smile Daniel that he was able to show cost him more strength than the last hours.

They won and lost together. It has always been like that. And he knew every one of them meant well for him. After his jump, they all had tried to cheer him up. They hadn't left his side for one second. Had listened to him when he had hesitantly told of Domen, of course, without saying his name. And it had been so infinitely liberating to be able to speak free, that he wished he could undo it. 

"... you think about, Daniel?" Waiting, Tom looked at him and Andreas next to him burst out laughing.

"Before someone of us could take you along somewhere, you definitely need a muzzle," chuckled Andreas and Daniel looked tired between the two back and forth.

"Very funny. But imagine, even this sacrifice I would make, if Daniel prefers such establishments. Unlike others here, I'm a good wingman and wouldn't melt into thin air after the first sip of beer like some other I wouldn't name now, "Tom replied, before turning back to Daniel. "So? What are you saying? You and me? Together in search for your great love? In the gay clubs of Norway? ", Tom wagged his eyebrows. It was the straw to break the camel's back.

"I'm going for a walk." Daniel announced abruptly. Otherwise he would start screaming. He hadn’t had a minute alone for the last two hours. Instead there were countless attempts to cheer him up. He knew that life was going on. But he simply didn't have the strength left to engage in it. Not yet. Determined, he jumped up from his chair.

“Should we join you?" -

"NO!", he said hastily. Embarrassed, he scratched his head. He had a guilty conscience, but he needed fresh air and the feeling that he could giving in the darkness for a moment before he could endure further encouragements. "I mean thank you, but no thanks. Not necessary. I'll see you later! ", Daniel said goodbye to his friends. And didn't go very far when he was grabbed by the arm. Anders dragged him into a dark corner.

"Everything okay?", His counterpart scrutinized him suspiciously.

"What do you think?" Daniel asked tired.

"That we should misuse the little bastard as a living voodoo doll," Anders replied darkly, as he noticed Daniels gaze. "Okay, don't worry: For me there will be no Slovenian Pighead on a skewer today. But I- Daniel I want to help you, but I have no idea what to do or say. "

"You want to help me? Then start with yourself. "

"What?"

"Shit, I can't turn back time. I can't undo all this, and you wouldn't believe how much I want it at the moment. But you ... you have every chance! ", Daniel said in frustration.  
"What's that supposed to mean?", Anders looked at him suspiciously.

"Oh, come on. You know exactly what I mean! I just don’t understand you. Silje is great. Honestly. And if you would be honest with yourself for a tiny little moment, then you would admit that you intentionally screwed up your date, "Daniel blurted out. He had seen Anders observe Silje and Cene. The steep creases on his forehead, the disapprovingly clenched lips.

"It doesn't matter anyways, does it?", Anders nodded darkly in the direction Cene and Silje sat together and laughed.

"You can't be serious! We both know that Silje is out of Cene's league. You have a real chance and I don't understand why you don't take it. I mean, at least you would have tried. No matter how it will end ... ", Daniel mumbled. He had tried. Had tried to make the right decisions. And now?

Both fell silent, watching the two from afar, until Anders began to speak: "Will you manage?"

" _If it doesn't break your heart, it isn't love_ ," Daniel quoted one of his favorite songs and tried to smile at Anders. "But it's okay. I just need a little time. "

"Maybe he needs time too? And without any threat of violence, it may take a while, until something work through the cement skull, " Anders considered and raised a sad smile from Daniel.

"Maybe, but I can't turn back time. I can't hide myself any longer. Not now, where I know how it feels to be free."

"I know, but that's a good thing, Daniel. Even if it doesn't look like it today, "Anders replied and patted his shoulder comfortingly.

"Even so. I wish it was different," Daniel replied, before turning around and swiftly crossing the foyer. He ignored the pain as he passed Cene. 

At least, Domen was right about one thing: he had been waiting the whole time. Hoping his nearly fall would give Domen a wakeup call. Like in the Disney movies. With glittering rain, a confession of love, kisses and ride in the sunset at the end. But it didn't happen.

Overwhelmed by the heaviness in his chest, Daniel rushed out of the hotel, sucking the cold, clear air into his lungs, trying to breathe freely again. To fight the tears down. 

Restless, he looked around. Step by step he began to run. Faster and faster. Through the snowy narrow lighted streets of Bischofshofen. On and on uphill. His lungs burned. The river rushed beside him. Gradually it swallowed the sounds of the city. Icy wind tugged at his clothes. Snowflakes whipped painfully against his face. White masses of snow rolled past him in the darkness.

_Daniel peeked at the crowd in front of him. His gaze remained much too easy on the neon-green boy who had just stomped out of the container of the Slovenians. Watched him, how he elegantly overcome the hurdles in front of him and serenely ended his imitation exercises._

_"Good luck, today!", Kenneth patted him on the shoulder and made him wince. He hadn’t notice him._

_"The same to you," Daniel said a little late and turned away. He had to stop this. Urgently._

_"Everything alright with you?", Kenneth paused and looked at him. Something that had happened too often lately. They would notice something, if he didn't stop watching Domen.  
"Yes, I was only lost in thought. Won't be easy today, "replied Daniel and turned his eyes towards the hill. The flags on top of the tower fluttered in the strong wind._

_"You say it. See you later", Kenneth waved goodbye and Daniel stared frustrated at the spot where Domen had been a few minutes earlier. There was no reason why Domen was that captivating. Maybe it was because everyone was fascinated by him? Because of his style of jumping, which caused him goosebumps every time Daniel saw him jumping. He just had to stay away from him. At some point these feelings would disappear._

_Determined, Daniel turned to the forest. He would pull himself together now and go jog. There was nothing special about Domen. He was just a jumper colleague like everyone else, too. He had let himself carry away by the others, Daniel thought grimly as he jumped over an ice puddle._

_The problem was, he had said that many times before. That he would stop. Nevertheless, he caught himself watching Domen from afar the next moment. It was now half a year since the Slovenian almost killed him with his skis, and he still fascinated Daniel. He made him nervous, if they met. And he let him die a thousand deaths, because he was afraid that someone could notice that he wasn’t like the others. Even so his heart bounced in anticipation if the starter lists were announced and he read the name of the Slovenian._

_Grimly he increased his pace. He wouldn't let his life be ruined by a teenager who didn't even know, he existed. He would never go through this again. He had learned his lesson, Daniel thought, furiously digging his fingernails into his hand as he entered the narrow footbridge out of wood that led across the small stream. In surprise he noticed Domen, which appeared on the other side. He didn't look up and had headphones in his ears. He was completely oblivious to his surroundings. Like always. The Slovenian had no idea, what he had caused with his appearance, Daniel thought angry._

_Determined not to give him that much influence over him, Daniel ran on. Until their paths intersected, and Daniel realized too late that the footbridge was too narrow for them to pass each other._

_Cursing, Daniel slowed down, but nevertheless he crashed into the Slovenian, who was completely surprised by this attack. Domen lost his balance and fell in the icy shallow water of the stream with loud splashes._

_"Can't you watch out!?", He glared up at Daniel. It was the first time he spoke with him. The first time he noticed Daniel._

_"Ehm ...", Daniel struggled for words. He was prisoned by hot and cold angry forest eyes._

_"I'm not sure if this is the right time for a lap in the kiddy pool, Domen," Anže mocked amused. He just came back from jogging and this was the only way out of the forest back to the jumper’s accommodation. "And without water wings!"_

_"Fuck you, too, pal," the Slovenian started to shiver and stared angrily at his compatriot._

_"I'm sorry, I-" Daniel started apologizing and wanted to reach for Domen's hand to help him out of the water. But the Slovenian thrust aside his hand._

_"Better buy yourself some glasses," he grumbled while he laboriously climbed out of the water. Immediately he began to wring out his clothes. "Shit, it's cold!"_

_"I'm sure it won't harm your hothead," Anže commented unasked and obviously enjoyed the whole thing. "You look like a drowned rat!", Giggled the older Slovenian, while he pushed carefully past Daniel and disappeared around the next corner laughingly._

_Curious, Daniel looked back and forth between the two, until the Norwegian realized that his gaze had stayed at Domen. The young Slovenian trembled in every limb. His lips had started to become blue. Hastily, Daniel undressed his jacket. "Wait. Here. Take this. You're sure- "_

_"I won't become dry again because of that", Domen grumbled stubbornly, and prefered to keep on shivering. Unintentionally, Domen flicked a switch and Daniel became angry.  
"Hey, I wasn't the only one, who didn't pay attention!", He said fuming to the Slovenian. The tension, the frustration of the past few months erupted at that moment. Domen had also crashed into his life unsolicited. "And it's just water, so calm down!"_

_"You're welcome to swap places," offered Domen snappily, as he watched the jacket that Daniel held in front of his face again. Reluctantly, the Slovenian tore the jacket from Daniels hand and tried to slip into it quickly. But it wasn't that easy because of his wet clothes and the fact that Daniel's jacket was at least two sizes too big for him. The sleeves slipped over his fingers every time he tried to close the zipper. His trembling fingers weren’t that helpful, too._

_"I'll help you," Daniel instinctively stepped forward. The moment he touched Domen's icy fingers Daniel realized that he had made a mistake._

_With bated breath he prayed that Domen wouldn't notice the slight trembling of his hands. He felt that he turned red as he pulled the zipper up and his eyes directly sank into Domens._

_"Have you quite finished?" Domen broke the silence between them with a raucous voice. Immediately, Daniel stepped back. He was hardly able to control the panic, which had seized him._

_"Are you always that exhausting, or am I just the lucky one?" He finally said in a more hostile tone, than he wanted. Domen wasn't allowed to notice anything. This part of his life was everything what was left._

_"I'm not exhausting!", Domen folded his arms defiantly. For some reason, that Daniel didn't understand, the Slovenian seemed suddenly lonely and vulnerable with his oversized jacket. Although he raised his chin proudly and gave him evil eyes. But it was that moment, which touched Daniel. And that scared the Norwegian more than anything else._

_"If you think, princess," Daniel shrugged and turned away. He began to walk while the pulse in his ears rustled with the stream._

Breathing heavily, Daniel watched the water in front of him. Listened to its sound. The place where Domen had noticed him the first time properly. The place where he had realized, that it would be almost impossible to get his feelings back under control. That late afternoon, a year ago, when he had accidently pushed Domen into the water shortly before the ephany ski jumping competition had begun. 

He had really tried to ban Domen out of his head, but something about him hadn’t left him alone since that day. He hadn't been able to undo his new awoken feelings.  
Like the feeling to know who he was. To know, what it was like to participate in life again. To risk something. To evolve himself. It felt right, but why did he end up here? Alone. In the dark.

Desperately, he looked around. Wind swept through the trees, howled in the night. It lashed small snowflakes to the ground, which laid down on the ground. The snow protected the plants from the freezing cold. Smooth and even, the forest lay in front of him. He could hear the waterfall, which was around the corner. Everything was unspoiled.   
Harmonious.

Everything except of him. Wildly he began to trample the virgin snow. He wanted to destroy this picture. To leave his marks, like Domen had left its mark on him. He swept the snow from the footbridge into the stream, tugged at a few branches, letting snow showers rain down on the forest floor. His wake of devastation pervaded through the small forest idyll.

Purposefully, he strode to the bench, as he stumbled over a snow-covered stone. He just barely prevented a fall.

"I see you're slowly get the hang of your walking disability," A voice rushed to him through the storm.

Surprised, Daniel's heart skipped a beat. Hesitantly, he turned around.

"Or let's say, you don't fall to the ground at every possible opportunity anymore," Domen said. The wind blew Daniel snow into his face, which felt like a thousand pinpricks.

"Is that all you have to say to me?" Daniel asked and Domen fell silent. Daniel saw the helplessness in his face. "Do you know what the irony of the whole story is? Because of you, I realized that I had bolted myself in for years. I was in my self-made cage for years. Until I started secretly watching you through the bars. Shit, I admired you. You have never avoided a fight. Or let twist yourself into a pretzel. I don't want to walk around with a huge rainbow flag, Domen. I just don't want to lie anymore when I am asked if there is a special girl in my life. I want to be able to show myself in public with my boyfriend. I just want to be me" Hesitantly Daniel approached Domen, gently stroking with his hand over his cheek, and looked him pleadingly into the eyes. "Do you understand?"

"Yes, I do" Domen breathed, snuggling up to his hand and closing his eyes for a moment. "I'm an selfish asshole. A catastrophe and the worst, I sounded like Peter. The tournament ... your fall ... that's all my fault and you wouldn't believe how sorry I am ", Domen wrapped his cold hands around Daniel's face and pulled Daniel down to himself.   
Leaning his forehead against his. 

“It wasn't. I was the one who messed up the jump," Daniel whispered softly against the cheek of the Slovenian. Wistful he heard Domen sigh.

"Maybe, but ... I can't do that. Us. Not if I sometimes wish, that I would never have met you. That everything should become normal again. I don’t want to be that selfish asshole. You deserve something better. You know, I am right" whispered Domen and Daniel broke away. 

"I ... but ... why are you here?! Why did you come here, if you wanted it to end? ", Daniel asked, hoping Domen would realize that they could be great together.

"To make sure that you stay the course. Because I want you to have your coming out. To become happy. I don't want to be the reason that makes you hesitate. Or possibly the reason that changed your mind. This isn't because of you, it's because of me" Domen looked at him desperately. 

"That's the biggest kitsch I've ever listened to," Daniel blinked away his rising tears. "And it's the biggest crap, too. It won't just disappear just because you want it to."

"I know."

"So why are you here if you wish you have never met me? "Daniel urged as Domen approached him and pressed his lips desperately against his. 

"Because you aren’t all the same to me ", Domen whispered. “We just have a poor timing.” 

Everything around Daniel became indistinct. The cold, the chaos, the darkness and the pain. Desperately, he wrapped his arms around Domen, pulling him closer, wishing the time would stop so they could stay here forever.

Instead, Domen freed himself, looking at him with his unfathomable forest eyes, "I guess, I just wanted you to know that. That's why I am here. I’m not… I just can’t… It’s…"  
"Poor timing?" Daniel helped Domen, looking him deep in the eyes. 

"Poor timing." Domen nodded, before he turned around and left Daniel alone. He stared after him and watched, as the Slovenian was slowly swallowed by the heavy snowfall and the darkness, wishing he had asked him, if there was a chance for a _Maybe at some day_ .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, that's it. That was _Hello Hurricane_. Thank you for reading.


End file.
